03x17 - I Was a Teenage Sports Wife

[bunniefuu]

[clapping and shouting]

Alright, set up Danita!

-Uhh!

-Yes!

Good k*ll!

Where was my block, huh?

What are you, a bunch of girls?

Alright, that's the day.

Anybody without a bruise does a lap!

Alright. Good. Good.

That's from yesterday. Do a lap.

Good. Good.

Ha ha! That was a great spike.

-And I don't say that to all the girls.

-Thanks.

I'm Marcus.

I know who you are.

I've seen you play ball.

Ha ha ha! Saw me hit that little

three-pointer against Roosevelt, huh?

No. [chuckles]

Well, it was sweet.

So, how'd your season turn out?

Two and .

It--it was a rebuildin' year.

[chuckles] How you guys doin'?

Undefeated.

Oh! Well, guess that helps when

your team has a go-to player like you.

Speakin' of "go-to,"

how would you like to go to

a movie Friday night?

Oh, I can't. I got practice.

Okay. Uh... Saturday night.

Game. That's why we practice.

Alright. I guess you're too busy.

Hey. You give up that easy?

No wonder you're just two and .

Oh. So, what, you're not too busy?

Not on Sunday.

Oh. Well, no. I'm busy.

Oh, really?

No. I just didn't want you to think

I'm easy. Which I am.

Oh.

[both chuckle]

-♪ I know you're doing your thing

-Yeah ♪

♪ Go 'head, smart guy  ♪

-♪ Diggin' it baby, yeah

-Yeah go 'head, smart guy ♪

-♪ Uh, uh, uh, uh

-Yeah. Come on ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

Hey, Yvette, you too Mr. Langin's

behavioral psych class, right?

Oh, yeah. It was really tough.

Okay, what do you think

of this for a lab project?

I explore the placebo effect

on humans by examining how,

in a controlled situation,

a person of limited ability

can excel just by using

the power of suggestion.

Or does that sound too mundane?

I made a mouse ring a bell

for some cheese.

I'm sure it was riveting.

His name was Coco.

Because he was brown.

Uh-huh.

Come on, Pop, you take the truck tonight.

Let your boy get the banging Bonneville.

Look, Marcus, one of the perks

of bein' a dad

is I get to take my dates out in a car.

You get the bangin' truck.

I put new air freshener in it.

Danita deserves better than a truck

that smells like tar and piña colada.

Look, she's smart,

she's funny, she's pretty,

and check this out,

she knows about sports.

Oh, well, that sounds like a keeper.

When do I get to meet this goddess?

Come see her play volleyball.

She'll be the one scorin' all the points.

Hmm and an athlete, too.

Son, you're right.

A girl like that does deserve

the better things.

Like the bangin' Bonneville?

No, like soup with dinner.

Here's an extra five bucks.

Whoa! Squeezed some

money out of the stone.

Guess Dad's impressed with a girl

who can jump higher than you.

You know, Marcus, she could

support you someday.

If anyone gave a rat's patootie

about women's volleyball.

Come on, Marcus. Let's go study.

If I don't get a decent score

on this history test, I'm finished.

I can't, me and Danita

are goin' out to dinner.

Okay. We'll get 'em on the midterm.

Just because he's going out doesn't mean

you can't study on your own.

What's the point? Whether I study,

I'm still gonna get a .

It's like a law of nature.

Birds got to swim,

fish got to fly, Mo got to .

If anybody needs me, I'll be in the living

room watching Kenan and Kel.

You know something?

Mo would be a perfect subject

for my placebo experiment.

If I give something that makes him believe

studying will actually help him,

his grades should improve.

You're gonna make Mo

smarter with a sugar pill.

Yes! Only I tell him

it's a very powerful neural enhancer.

If the experiment works,

it'll prove he has

a lot more intelligence

than we give him credit for.

What did I come in here for?

Oh, yeah. Napkin.

Hey, look! Look. You're in the post.

For real? I am?

Not you. Her.

"Danita The Hammer mills

named High-School All-American."

It's got a picture.

That's me spiking against Madison.

I remember that spike.

I gave that girl a bloody nose.

Ah, that's my little "hammer."

Hey!

Oh, hey, Mo. How'd the history test go?

. Fish gotta fly.

And... birds gotta swim.

Hey, T.J.! Look.

Look what I got on my French test.

A !

Yes.

And since I've been taking

those brain pills of yours,

I'm remembering what I'm studying,

and it's all making sense.

Look, I'm happy for you.

But you have to remember

that those neural enhancers

are still in the testing stage,

and I don't want anybody

stealing the formula.

Right. Merci beaucoup, Mon petit fräre.

What--what... uh... what pills?

What's she talkin' about?

Look...

I engineered some pills

from vitamins and herbs

designed to stimulate the synapses

in the brain while studying.

Do they work for everyone,

or is it just a chick thing?

Everyone! They're like mental steroids,

except your heart won't crap out

when you're .

-Can I try some?

-Well...

Okay, I guess I could use another subject.

-Come on. Let's go get you started.

-Yes!

Hey, Mo, check it out.

My honey's in the paper.

"Danita mills, all-American."

Whoa! Very impressive!

How's it feel datin'

the big woman on campus?

Good. We're a power couple.

Yeah. They're like Jackie Joyner-Kersey

and her husband--

what's-his-face Kersey.

-What'd he do?

-He was the man behind the woman.

"Honey, the race is starting now."

That's not how we are, okay?

I support her, she supports me.

At what?

I got stuff goin' on.

Oh, yeah! Sleeping and eating.

Well, now you have an All-American.

I'd hold onto her.

Well, she'd better hold onto me,

'cause I'm goin' places.

Hey, sweetie, can you run to the corner

and grab me some more copies of the paper?

I want to show 'em to everybody! Thanks!

You're right. You are goin' places.

Pick me up a Vibe magazine

and a bit o' honey.

Oh, and I'll take a Scientific America.

-Go.

-Go.

-Go!

-Go!

Good. Good. Good. Alright, huddle up.

Hey!

-Whassup?

-Glad you're here.

-Saved you a seat right behind the bench.

-Oh, great. Thanks.

Listen, I want you to meet somebody.

You already know my little brother T.J.

This is my father.

-Hi!

-Hi!

I didn't. Know all of you were coming.

I only saved one seat.

Oh, that's okay. We like to stand.

Please! I don't!

Sheila! Cindy! Got a free lap for me?

Danita. Go join the huddle, huh?

So, you're the boyfriend, huh?

Uh, yes, ma'am.

[snickers]

And who's this?

Oh. The, uh, boyfriend's father.

You work out, huh?

Yeah. I lift a little.

I'll say you do. Nice g*ns.

[chuckling] Okay!

I can just see I'm in the way here.

Why don't you come sit with me, huh?

I gotta go get some crackerjacks.

Peanuts and a prize.

You are the prize, cupcake.

Uh, sorry. Seat's reserved

for Marcus Henderson.

I'm Marcus Henderson.

Oh, hey. Nice to meet you.

I'm Barry, Belinda's boyfriend.

Belinda?

Number . Setter.

Uh, this it Tommy, Raynice's boyfriend.

That's Leo, Jessica's boyfriend.

-Whassup, man?

-Hi.

Uh, Jessica's hurt.

Torn ligaments. Very sad.

Sorry, man.

Marcus. Sorry I'm late, man.

I was busy studying.

I lost all track of time.

Sorry. These seats

are for boyfriends only.

You're kiddin'.

No, that's cool. He's with me.

Oh. Oh, I guess it's okay.

Thank you. I'll cherish this moment.

So, um, you fellas

always sit together, huh?

Yeah. We got our own

little booster club here.

You know, give the girls

all the support we can.

By comin' to the games?

Of course. I mean, I try to take care

of all the little things for Belinda.

You know, the homework, the errands,

so she can focus on the game.

'cause you know,

the girls do get intense

around playoff time.

Mm-hmm oh, yeah. Very true.

Just... sometimes I wish she'd

find a little more time, for me.

Okay. I'm outta here. See ya.

I know, what you mean.

I mean, we have needs, too. Right, Marcus?

No! Danita doesn't treat me

like that, okay?

Well, give her time. It's the price

you pay for bein' with a player.

Oh! They're goin' out on the court.

Oh...

Hold up the banner!

Marcus, hold up the heart!

Ahhhh!

-Hey, yo, T.J.!

-[choking]

It worked!

Look. I got an on my

social studies test. An !

And I owe it all to you

and your little wonder pills.

Hug me, you little genius, you.

Uhh!

Can't breathe!

Oh, sorry man, it was just like you said.

It made studying easy.

As soon as I popped the pills,

my powers of concentration were amazing.

Chemistry made sense.

I could remember all the dates in history.

And I think I'm startin'

to understand birds.

You mean, like... chirp chirp...

tweet tweet tweet?

Hey. Watch your Mouth.

Whassup, Pops?

What are you doin' here?

You and Danita supposed to be at a movie.

You whined till you got

the bangin' Bonneville.

Danita couldn't make it.

Turns out she got invited

to some Washington Post

All-American sports dinner thing.

Seems like she's got

somethin' goin' every night.

[quickly] She makes time for me.

I didn't say she didn't.

In fact, we're goin' out tomorrow.

I managed to wrangle two passes

to the bayou.

The bayou? How'd you do that.

Well, she's not the only one in this town

with connections!

How much they cost you, son?

All my Christmas money.

[coach] Good.

Pahh! Nice block!

Yes! Alright!

-Yes!

-Ohh! Ooh!

Alright!

School board says you need water

every half hour,

so, hurry up.

Hey, hey!

Marcus! You just missed it!

We just worked out this new offense.

Belinda makes a pass to Monica,

Jessica goes up for a quick set,

and I get another high outside set--

Uhh! For another facial.

Ha ha! That sounds great. But, listen,

you need to hurry up and get dressed.

Otherwise, we're gonna be late.

Oh! Oh, gosh, that's right! Our date!

That's right. So say good-bye

to your teammates, hit the showers,

and, uh use some of that

country apple soap. I like that.

But... uh... Marcus,

I can't leave right now.

See, Tisha tore a ligament, and we have to

rotate Belinda into her spot.

We just have so much work to do.

-You always got a lot of work to do!

-I know.

I thought tonight was our night!

But everybody else

agreed to practice late.

I'm the captain. How can I leave?

Simple. See you, girls.

Captain's got a date.

Uh-uh. We got a game tomorrow.

Yeah, but you've also got a date

with your man.

Oh, I know, baby, I'm sorry.

I feel terrible.

Hey. Can we go out Sunday night?

They're tickets to a concert.

Hey, let's go, Danita.

We need you for the --.

Look, this is my fault, okay?

I'll cover for the tickets, okay?

Danita!

Uh...

Look, I'll make it up to you. I promise.

Mmmhhh...

Hey, T.J., you got a minute?

Oh, yeah. Sure.

So, listen. Uh,

I got this big math test on Friday,

and I was wonderin' if you could

slip me some of those brain pills.

Who told you about those?

Hey, when Mo gets an ,

a red flag goes up.

There are no pills.

But Mo said there were.

He says he can talk to dolphins.

Look. They're not really

what Mo thinks they are.

They're just part

of a psychology experiment.

The pills are placebos.

Oh. I thought they were the kind

of pills you swallow.

-Doesn't matter. I need 'em.

-No.

Come on, man! Help a brother out!

You're not a brother.

Just give me the darn pills! Please, man!

Alright, alright. I'll get you the stuff.

But you gotta calm down, son.

-Alright. Come on. Let's go.

-Alright.

No, man. You gotta pick one.

I would definitely say Jennifer Lopez.

I have to disagree.

Jennifer's butt is wider,

but if you talkin' total area,

Janet Jackson's butt is bigger.

Marcus, I'm so glad I found you!

Could you please do me the biggest

favor in the world?

Coach called practice an hour early,

and I left my sneakers at home.

Could you please run and grab them for me?

Uh... can't you go get 'em yourself?

No. If anybody's late, the coach

makes the entire team run laps,

and everybody'll hate me.

Please don't make people hate me.

-Uh...

-Okay, thanks. Thank you.

Um... here are my keys.

My sneakers are in my closet.

Grab the blue ones, not the pink ones.

And I'll meet you at the gym. Thanks.

Uh, Danita. Hold on.

Look. I--I didn't say yes.

I was doin' something important over here.

But I wouldn't ask you

if it wasn't important.

So I'm supposed to drop everything

and run because it's important to you?

But when I make plans for us,

it's cool to blow it off

because my life isn't as important

as Danita "the hammer" mills' life?

I don't think that at all.

A-and another thing.

Don't be expectin' me to sit in the

stands with the other boyfriends tomorrow.

So you're not coming to the game?

No. No. I don't think so.

Me and Mo got more important things to do.

[pained] Okay.

See, men? My life doesn't

revolve around that girl.

-Oh. Yeah. Yeah.

-Oh, yeah. Yeah. Uh-huh.

Hello, son.

Have a nice day at school?

Yeah.

Well, I guess you would,

since you're such a popular guy.

I'm popular?

Well, you got phone messages.

Most of 'em sound somethin' like this.

[beep] T.J. Eddie. Hey, uh,

I'm just callin' you about the, uh,

you know, the study aid.

Sebastian said it was great,

and I'd like to get a taste.

Eddie called a couple more times.

Tony called. Left his beeper number.

Said he needed it real bad.

What's he need real bad?

-It's nothing. I'm just giving kids pills.

-Pills!

Sugar pills!

It's a psychology experiment.

See, I'm doing a report

on the placebo effect,

and I told Mo that the pills

would make him study better

and get better grades.

How many times do I have to tell you,

no experimenting on humans?

But, Dad, it worked! Mo got an today.

Mo got an ? In a real class?

Yes! And then he told a bunch

of other kids, and now they're calling me.

See?

Just sugar.

Okay. They're sugar pills.

But if the school thinks

you're givin' out real pills,

things could get

very complicated very fast.

So tell those kids what's really goin' on

before I gotta change my phone number.

But, Dad, if I tell them,

they'll tell Mo, and he'll crash.

For the first time in his life,

he's getting good grades.

What, you gonna be his sugar pusher

for the rest of his life?

No.

I'm gonna tell him.

When?

Eventually.

Hey, Mr. Henderson. T.J., just

came by for some more study tips,

'cause, you know, I'm out.

Well, look at what time it is--

eventually.

[dejectedly] Yes, sir.

Man, those pills of yours

are unbelievable.

I was watchin' Mission Impossible

last night on videotape,

and I understood the plot.

Look, you just got me

in a lot of trouble with my dad.

What'd I do?

You opened your big mouth

and told everybody about the pills,

and I've got every "D" student

in the metropolitan area callin' my butt.

Oh, man, I'm really sorry.

Can I have the pills?

It's a big problem,

and it's all your fault.

Are they in your knapsack?

I'm not giving you any more pills.

You have to! I'm startin' to get stupid!

Look. My hand's gettin' stupid already,

and it's workin' its way up!

There's nothing in the pills!

They're just sugar!

It was an experiment to make you think

you were smarter.

You mean they were just a gazebo?

It's "placebo."

See? That's why I need the pills.

You gave me a taste of brilliance,

and now you're just gonna take it away?

You don't need the pills!

You proved you can be a

good student all by yourself.

That's where you're wrong.

Those pills made me what I am!

Now I'm... I'm...

uh... well, I'd know if I was

still takin' the pills.

I hope you can sleep at night.

[door closes]

Maybe he does need the pills.

So. I hear you broke up

with your girlfriend.

Yeah. Turns out

she's more interested in volleyball

than spendin' time with me.

Oh, I get it. She's got somethin'

going on in her life

that isn't totally focused on you.

Yeah! You believe that?

Okay, I see sarcasm's not gonna work.

Look. I was just at the gym to do

a piece on Danita for the school paper.

I watched her practice,

and she was terrible.

She's mopin' around. She's playin' lousy.

The coach kept yelling at her.

Really? Well, she should've

thought about that earlier.

Look.

The coach told me that there's a scout

from one of the best

colleges in the country

coming down to the game

tonight to watch her play.

Hey, I wish her all the best.

And she can't focus because

she's upset about losing you,

which strikes me as a big positive.

However, she has dedicated

Most of her life to this moment,

and it seems it would be a real shame

if she blows it

just because you can't handle

a girl who's got a life of her own.

Ohhh! Ohhh...

Boo!

Get warmed up. I'm pullin' Danita.

[T.J.] Wow.

That's wonderful.

-Ha ha!

-Check it out.

I am!

Oh! Your test! An ?

Mo, that's great!

See? I told you you could

do it without the pills.

No. I'm still takin' the pills.

But I didn't give you any.

I know. I made my own.

See, I got some capsules,

filled 'em up with sugar,

down the hatch, and voila , and , baby.

Ohh! Ohh! Ohh!

You do realize they have absolutely

no effect on your brain.

I know no such thing. They're just sugar.

Not listening.

-Ohh! Ohh!

-Aw...

Ah! How we doin'?

Losing. Bad.

And your girlfriend... stinks.

That scout over there

doesn't look too happy.

That bad, huh?

Time out!

[whistle blows]

Stephanie, you're in for Danita.

Alright, listen.

Our problem is we are shaking

passes like a water sprinkler

-and our blocking stinks!

-Ahem!

Excuse me... uh... but I don't think

blocking is our problem.

Son, what are you doin'? Get outta here.

Look, do you want to win

this game or lose it?

Uh, win.

Well, then I have somethin' to say to

Danita that might turn things around.

Talk, boyfriend.

Alright. By the way, I just want to say

this is the best- smelling

huddle I've ever been in.

Just say what you came to say!

I don't want to hear what he came to say.

Look, I was an idiot.

Look, girl, you have a real opportunity

to do somethin' special here tonight.

And I wouldn't want you to

blow it because I acted like a jerk.

I mean, at first I liked you because

you were the big woman on campus.

And then it started gettin' to me 'cause

everybody was lookin' at me

as the boyfriend.

And I'm not used to takin'

a backseat to a girl.

I--I just let my ego get

the best of me, and...

if you never wanted

to speak to me again, I understand,

but I think you'd be makin'

a real big mistake.

I'm gonna puke. [whistle blows]

Alright, come on, girls!

Get out there! Let's go!

Coach, don't take me out. I want to play.

Alright. But if I have to stop the game

for another soppy speech,

I'm gonna k*ll somebody.

Anybody else got boyfriend problems?

[all] No!

Right! Let's go!

Come on!

[whistle blows] Uhh!

-[cheering]

-Yes.

Man, what'd you say to turn her around?

I told her she better listen to her man.

Otherwise, she'll get in trouble.

Really?

No. I groveled and begged.

You are a man.

Yeah! Yay! Yay!

[shouting and cheering]

[doorbell chimes]

-Hey there.

-Hello.

I was just on my way to scout

some junior high prospects

when my car broke down

right in front of your house.

Really.

That's quite a coincidence.

I call it, kismet.

Mmm!

-You got anything to drink around here?

-No.

Oh. That's okay. I do.

I'll the ice.

I'll be up the couch.

[car engine starts]

He's gotta come back sometime. [giggles]

[clapper]

I'm never working for this guy again.