05x08 - Flat Foot Stooges

[bunniefuu]

[♪]

I'm tellin' you, Reardon,
motorized fire equipment

will never take the place

of the good old
horse-drawn fire engine.

Why, there's no more finer,

no more thrilling sight
in the world.

Oh, but, Chief Kelly,
that's just silly sentiment.

Them's fighting words, Reardon.

Wait a minute, Kelly--

You can't talk about
my fire department like that.

Hello, daddy.

Hello, darling.

How are you? Fine.

Uh, this is Mr. Reardon.

He sells newfandangled
fire engines and things.

What'd you get that for?

That's a prize for the boys
over in engine number one.

They sold the most tickets
to the picnic, you know.

They did? Sure they did.

You have to give
those boys credit.

They sure are a wide-awake lot.

[SNORING]

[RINGING]

Let's go. Hurry up.

Oh, boy, I've been waiting
six months for a fire.

What do you mean you been
waiting six months?

To show my new patents.
What patents?

My heart is pattin'.

If I had my necktie here,
I'd hang ya.

Right. Right. Right.

LARRY: Halfway done
without you, fellows.

One foot at a time.

[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

Okay, boys. All right, let's go.

Okay, okay. Let's go. Let's go.

Wait a minute. What's happening?
What's--?

Wait a minute, boys.
Listen. Listen to me.

I'll get you out of it.

You go that way.
You go that way.

I'll take care of the center.
Go.

Listen, now. Listen.
Wait a minute.

We'll have to start
from scratch.

Oh, come on.
You said it. You said it.

Start all over again
like I told you, will ya?

[RINGING] MOE: That's my leg.

What's going on up there?

You'll get used to it after
you've been here a while.

That goes on practically
every morning.

Right. Right.

[HAIR RIPPING] [CRIES OUT]

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

[CRIES OUT]

Whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo.

MOE: All right, boys,
out of the way here.

Get outta here fast.
Oh, boy, a fire.

Hey.
Get some steam up here, boys.

Now don't forget, all you gotta
do is pull the string.

All right, boys.
Get started here now.

Get that steam up and about.

Let's go. Come on, fellas.
Get a move on here.

[HOOVES CLOMPING]

I hope this thing works.
Let it go.

Whoa. Now, this will
be on you in a jiffy.

Hey, what's the matter
with you guys?

Ain't you coming to the fire?

Why don't you guys wake up?

What for?
I mean, what do you mean?

Alarm clocks are supposed
to wake people up.

That's neither here nor there.

Yeah, just to prove
we're on the job,

I'll go upstairs
and turn it off myself.

Put 'em away. Thanks.

MOE: Hey, burrhead, come here.

CURLY: What's all the fuss?

What is all that junk you
got hanging up on the ceiling?

That's what I was trying to tell
you about. That's my invention.

All you gotta do
is pull the string.

Thanks for telling me.

Then I suppose
a whistle blows, eh?

No. The horses fall
on the harness--

Uh, the harness
fall on the horses.

Mm-hm. Then I suppose
they hook themselves up

and dash off to the fire.

Well, if they don't,
I'll be terribly disappointed.

So will I.

Look out. Stop it.
Look out, it's my--

Wait a minute. Hold still.
Now close your eyes.

You gonna give me something?

Yeah, close 'em.

[BOTH CRY OUT]

Always butting in, eh?

Come on. Get out of my way.

I'm a victim of circumstance.

You-- [RINGING RESUMES]

What did you go upstairs for?

I forgot to turn it off.
I feel so silly.

[CHUCKLES]

You look it.

[RINGING]

Whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo.
Get moving here.

Don't forget, all you gotta
do is pull the string.

You're gonna start that again?
Get out. Get in.

Will you guys shut up.

Yeah. Yes, chief.

Get some steam up now.
Hurry up there.

Bring that horse
and hook her up here.

Come on. Line her up here.

Pipe down, will you, guys?
Hello, chief.

Now, you boys ready?

Okay, chief,
I'll tell the boys right away.

Wait a minute. You guys,
that was the chief on the phone.

He wants me to remind you
that there's a prize

for the best-looking team
of horses at the picnic.

I think you better give Annie
and Fannie a bath, don't you?

Right. Come on, boys.
We gotta win that prize money.

Man the sponges.

Oh, boy, will I clean you up.

Why, your mother
won't even know you.

You won't recognize him.

See you at the picnic.
Okay, boys.

Wait a minute.
I got a better idea. Come on.

This was a swell idea.

Annie and Fannie
should look great after this.

Yeah, they'll look great,

but I'm afraid nobody
will recognize us.

I can afford
to lose a few pounds.

I'm too pleasingly plump
as it is.

Why, I oughta-- [WHINNIES]

Oh, got enough, eh?

Okay, we'll give him a shower.

I ain't gonna take no shower.

Why not?
I ain't got my bathing cap.

[CRIES OUT]

All right, then.

We'll give him a rubdown.
Come on, Annie.

Oh, Annie, you're going
to look like a million

when we get through with you.
Yeah.

A little more pressure
on his left vertebra.

Right.

Oh, all right.
Rub some oil on her.

Should I use the peppermint?
Certainly not.

Nothing but the best for her.
Spearmint.

Don't let the cork
hit the ceiling.

[CHUCKLES]

We're sure going
to fix you up now.

Give me a little down here.

[WHINNIES]

You know, we're not supposed
to flirt with the customers.

[SQUEAKS]

There you are,
as neat a job as I ever saw.

She looks years younger.

Yes, sir,
practically a Shetland pony.

We're through.
There's one thing I forgot.

What? cr*ck her neck.

Oh, yeah.

[LOUD cr*ck]

What happened?

She's falling apart.

[DUCK QUACKING]

[THUDDING]

Just what are you
up to now, Mr. Reardon?

Is that some new
angle of salesmanship?

Uh, well, no, Miss Kelly.

See, I was just looking
the old wreck over.

Oh, I see. I suppose that
was your business card

you just put into the engine.

You see, I--
I'm going to call my father.

Oh, no, you're not.

Why, you--

[SCREAMING]

Come back here,
you little vixen.

I'll get my hands on you.

I'll fix you.

[SCREAMS]

[SCREAMS]

[CROWD MURMURING]

LARRY: Aren't they beautiful?

CURLY:
We'll surely win the prize.

Come on, Fannie.

Come on, Fannie. Come on, Annie.

[CROWD MURMURING]

MAN: Oh, aren't they pretty.

MOE: In the barn here now.

Put 'em in that stall there.
Put some new straw under 'em.

And be easy with Fannie, now.

Don't let her lay down
on those new ribbons.

[SNIFFING]

Hey, fellas. Hey, fellas.

Come here. Hurry up.

What's the matter?

Take a sniff.

Do you smell anything?

Do you smell anything?

No, especially smoke.

Why, I'll--

I know, I smell a mouse. Look.

I got an idea.
Go get what's-his-name.

Who?

What is his name? Butch?

Yeah, Butch. Go get Butch.

Butch? Here, Butch.

I knew I smelled a mouse.

That's the first mouse I've
smelled that smelled like fire.

What did you expect
a fire mouse--

I mean, a firehouse
mouse to smell like?

A petunia?

It's-- You know.

Come on, Butch.
We got a job for you.

Come on. Everybody's
gotta do their part.

This is a real man-size
job for you.

Here he is.
All right. Butch'll handle him.

Bring him down here.
Okay, Butch. Thattaboy.

Let me get this rope off him.

All right, now get around here,
Butch. Come here. Come on.

Right in there. Go.

[BUTCH GROWLING]

CURLY: Give it to him, Butch.
In the labonza. In the labonza.

Give him the heave.

Oh, this is a shame.
It's m*rder. It's m*rder.

I know it's a shame,

but we can't have any rats
around the firehouse.

Don't get personal.
In the labanza.

It's m*rder, eh? It's m*rder.

Get out of my way.

What we need in this place
is a trap.

I got one.

Here. Out of my way.

Don't, Moe. Don't. Let me go.

[HUMMING]

[ALARM RINGING]

That's two and a half.

Why, it's rd and Pine.

I knew I smelled something.

Now's the chance
to try out my new patent.

All you gotta do
is pull the string.

I'll pull your tonsils
out by the roots.

Get outta here. Get going.

All you gotta do is--

Hurry up.
We wanna get out of here.

We'll be out of here in a jiffy.

There we go. Right in there.

Line 'em up. Whoa. There we go.

Watch this.

You ready, men? Go.

[THUDDING]

Whoa. Whoa.

A fine mess.
We'll pull the engine ourselves.

Get some volunteers.

Get some volunteers. Volunteers.

Volunteers. Volunteers.

Get everybody: boys, men,
anything you can find.

We need volunteers.
Volunteers. We need help.

[CROWD MURMURING]

Hurry up. Come on.

Grab ahold, boys.

I'll fire up so we'll
be ready when we get there.

All right.

About time we get there,
we'll have plenty of steam up.

Yes, sir.

There we go, boys. Watch it.

Wait a minute.
LARRY: Wait for the captain.

We'll take a shortcut
through the park.

Take her away. [DINGING]

[SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]

CURLY: Whoo-whoo.

Hey, wait for me.

CURLY: Get out of the way. Hey.

LARRY: Hey, let's move
it. We're going to a fire.

Now, take your time, boys.

Where do you think
you're going, to a fire?

[YELLING INDISTINCTLY]

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

KELLY: Do you know who I
am? Do you know who I am?

I've got it. We'll save
the day yet. Follow me.

MAN: Follow him. Let's go.

Look out where you're going.

[ALL YELLING]

[ARGUING]

Whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo.

Will you take a look at that?

ALL: I've got an idea.

Wait a minute. It was my idea.

Wait a minute--

[STOOGES ARGUING]

Ideas-- This is my brainchild.

Oh, you're not even married.

[ALL YELLING]

Okay!

Help! Help!

REARDON: Help! Help!

Hey. Hey, you guys,
here I am. Here.

Where are you going?

Pull her in reverse, men.
We're going the wrong way.

Say, we're doing a car again.

[TIRES SQUEAL]

Help!

[MEN SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]

Help!

[ARGUING INDISTINCTLY]

Guys, guys. Man the nets.

ALL: Man the nets.

Get the nets.

Hey, do something.

Get a net. Get a net, fellas.

Help!

[SCREAMING]

ALL: Come on. Hurry up.

Help! Help!

Help! Help!

MOE:
Come on. Get the girl. Come on.

Help.

MAN: Are you all right?

There's the man that
started the whole thing.

Come on, boys. Let's get him.

[ALL SCREAMING]

Now, just think. I was ready
to let him have it. Like this.

I wasn't looking. Like what?

Like that.

Look, he's coming back.
Whoo-whoo-whoo.

[♪]