06x01 - Three Little Sew and Sews (1939)

[bunniefuu]

[♪]

Order those immediately.
Aye, aye, sir.

Telegram, sir.

Please wire my acceptance,
lieutenant.

But, admiral, Count Gehrol
is suspected of being a spy.

Exactly.

That's why I'm going there.

Perhaps I can trip him up.
I see, sir.

Here, take my uniforms down
and have them pressed,

and tell those dumb tailors not
to burn holes in them this time.

Aye, aye, sir.

[HUMMING]

You know, I'm getting sick
and tired of this business.

It was your bright idea.

"Join the Navy
and see the world."

"No more smelly sweatshops,
beautiful girls in every port."

I got a good mind to punch
you right in the nose.

We'd still have been all right

if you hadn't blabbed
about us being tailors.

Well,
don't tailor sound like sailor?

I got a good mind to bust
this iron over your head.

Hey, remember you had to pay
for the last iron.

Look.

Look what you made me do
to the captain's pants.

Fix that hole.

Hm.

You know, gasoline don't taste
so good since prohibition.

What do you mean?
'Cause they ain't so careful

like when they
used it for making gin.

But, it ain't bad.
Here, taste it.

Go on, scram, and get to work.
I--

[STEAM WHISTLE BLOWS]

Hey, fellas, it's : .
Come on.

We got the afternoon off.
Make way for a tailor, girls.

I'm going to get blondes
and redheads.

I'm going rowing in the park.

Hey, clean and press
for the admiral, in a hurry.

Clean and press for the admiral,
in a hurry.

Clean and press in a hurry.

Clean and press in a--

Mm.

Boy, wait till you see
the dames go for me.

You should see that bearded lady
in the circus.

Is she a beaut
when she gets a shave.

When I get through
rowing a boat, boy,

I'm going to spend a hot weekend
on a roller coaster. Ha, ha.

Now, I'm going to change
my socks. What an experience.

[YELLS] What's the matter?

Nothing.

I always wanted to see how you'd
look with a permanent wave.

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

Attention.
Why aren't you men at work?

Well, you see, admiral,
he and I were just standing--

How would I look as an admiral?
Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

Get him.

[SQUEAKING]

[BOTH GRUNT]

I got him.
Listen, listen, fellas.

Hey, you,
salute your superior officer.

Oh. Oh. Why, you.

No, this is a--

How dare you strike an officer!

Certainly, how dare you.

What do you mean, officer?

Men, do your duty.

[CHATTER]

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

You know, I was thinking--
Quiet!

Psst.

[MOUTHING INAUDIBLY]

Ah, ah, ah.

How dare you wear my uniform.

I was taking it out
for an airing.

Oh, you were.
I'll press them right away.

Whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo.

Is there anything wrong, sir?

Yeah, there's a guy--
Everything's all right.

I wish to talk
to those men alone.

Aye, aye, sir.

[HUMMING]

You know, for five bucks a piece
I'll get you birds out.

I'll bust your skull
in five pieces.

Get us out, you bubble brain.

Say, guard, put these men
on rations of bread and water.

I'll get you for this.
On second thought, plain water.

Ooh. Salt water. Hey, you.

Oh, admiral. Yes?

All right. You win.
Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

You know, I was thinking,
there's no sense

in getting you guys out.

You need a pass
for the other gate.

You chucklehead. Yours ain't
the only officer's uniform

in the tailor shop.
You're right.

Guard, release these men.

But, sir, these men are in here
for kicking an officer.

Kicking an officer, eh?
Yes, sir!

You'll kick an officer? Oh.

Kicking an officer, eh? Oh.

Ah. Whoo.

Attention. Right face.

Forward march.

My dear Count Gehrol,
your admiral is late.

Admiral Taylor and his staff.

That's him now.

That's not Admiral Taylor.

Be careful, it may be a trap.

Don't worry.
I'll get the information

if it's womanly possible.

Admiral Taylor, I believe?

How did you know I was a tailor?

Why, everyone knows
the Taylor's of Kentucky,

one of the oldest families
in America.

Sure, everybody knows
Old Taylor, proof.

Won't you introduce
your friends?

Why, certainly, this--
Commander Button.

Captain Presser. That's them.

Miss Olga,
may I present Admiral Taylor,

Commander Button
and Captain Presser.

Say, when do we eat? Oh.

That's a nice hunk
of goods there, buddy.

Oh, admiral.

Wouldn't you like to come
and sit down?

Would I? Let's go over
and find a dark corner.

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck,
nyuck, nyuck.

It's the kid.

The admiral threads
a fast needle.

He's an old so-and-so.

Oh, girls,
did you see my tattoo?

There.

Would you care for a cigar? Uh.

Oh, allow me.

Certainly. Certainly.

Won't you tell me
about the Navy?

Sure.

You see, they feed you beans
every day except on Sunday,

that's when you get bean soup,
and beans.

Oh, admiral,

you're such a sturdy oak

and I'm your clinging vine.

Won't you tell me
about your submarines?

I don't know anything
about submarines.

I'm a tailor, I mean, uh--
Oh, admiral,

don't you trust me?

Sure, but I don't trust myself.

You foolish boy.

[CHATTERING]

[SQUEALING]

Please, sir.

Come on, toots. Don't mind him.

Nyuck, nyuck.

Do you smell rubbish burning?

Smells like
somebody's frying onions.

Heh, get up. Get up.

Am I as heavy as all that?

No, but I'm burning up. Get up.

[YELLS]

Well, is that nice?

Oh, I'm sorry, dear.

I didn't mean it, honest.

Oh, please give me another
chance, will you, please?

I didn't-- Listen, honey,
I didn't-- I didn't--

[LAUGHING]

Say, you're gettin' in my hair.

[SQUEALING]

Ooh. Oh, oh, oh.

You wanna get us in wrong
before we eat?

What's the matter with you?
I think I got spring fever.

Or hay fever?
You gotta get that off

before anyone sees you.
Get out there and I'll help.

[GRUNTING]

Oh.

I ought to--

MAN: You better show me.

I tell you I am Admiral Taylor.

I beg your pardon,
there must be some mistake.

The admiral has been here
for quite some time.

I thought this guy was a phony
when I caught him

snooping around
outside the window.

Now, just a minute, gentlemen.

Those three imposters
can identify me.

They're enlisted men.

Tell these men who I am.

How should we know?

We never saw you before
in our lives.

What! Just as I thought.

Come on, bozo, let's go.
Now, officer, please, I--

We'll be sh*t
at sunrise for this.

Maybe the sun won't come
out tomorrow. It might rain.

We gotta find a place to hide.

This plays right into our hands.

How about that submarine,
admiral?

Submarine? Why, certainly.

That's perfect.
That is, I mean, uh--

What are we waiting for?

Ooh.

Ooh.

Calling all patrol boats,
calling all patrol boats.

Submarine M-
has left port unauthorized.

MAN [OVER RADIO]:
Last seen headed out to sea.

Stop her, that is all.

Hm, see.

I told you
you couldn't get away with it.

My government needs
this submarine

and I'll either get it to them
or sink in the attempt.

Well, what about us?

One move out of you
and I'll k*ll you.

If you do I'll never
talk to you again.

Ah.

[THUDS]

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.
Thanks, mouse.

Stick 'em up.
Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

Oh.

You--

Hold still, Moe. I'll get him.

Hold him in one place.

Hold him still.

Hold him, I got him.

Oh. Oh.

[YELLS]

Wait a minute.
I hit the wrong guy.

You made a mistake. Oh, yes.
Yes, I did.

LARRY: I didn't mean to hit you.

Well, suppose I did.

[CHATTER]

You can't get away with this.
No one can trifle with me.

No one--

Rope, so tie 'em up.

I did it. I did it. Hurry up.

[SCUFFLING]

What happened?
We must have hit land.

I'll see.

We hit bottom.
We're sunk. We're lost.

[PANTING]

Hey, what's the matter with you?

I'm practicing for when
we run out of air.

Oh, you think
you are in the movies?

We're trapped like rats.
Speak for yourself.

Oh, a microscope.

I can see. I can see.
BOTH: What?

What do you see? Water.

Why-- [MEOWING]

What was that?

A school of catfish
just went by. Meow, meow.

[PANTING, BARKING]

Hey, bloodhound.
Hey, bloodhound.

Get to your post. What post?

I don't see no post,
not a street lamp.

I'll put both your lamps out.

[YELLING] [MUTTERING]

Calling all battleships,
calling all Navy planes.

Calling all bombers.
Calling all Naval craft.

Submarine M-
stolen by enemy spies.

Sink her at all cost.
That is all.

That is all? Ain't that enough?

We'd better get this thing back
before they find us.

Right. Man the wheel.
What wheel?

Any wheel. Whoo-whoo-whoo.

[SUBMARINE POWERING UP]

Hey, fellas, we're moving.
I can feel it in my bones.

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck,
nyuck, nycuk, nyuck.

[CREAKING]

I'll level her off.

Pardon, sir, submarine M- was
sighted just off the breakwater.

Order batteries and
to open fire at once.

Yes, sir.

[CANNON FIRE]

It's running smooth.
I'm going to get out of here.

Okay!

Hey, fellas, it's all right.

[CANNON FIRE]

Mm.

[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

Hey.

[BARKING]

Cease f*ring and order my gig.

I'm going to board that sub.

Yes, sir.

Look what they did to the flag.

But they were
sh**ting at me-- Whoa.

What did you catch, kid?
A pelican.

That's an aerial b*mb, you sap.

Wait a minute. This can't hurt
any of us, it's a dud.

Oh, a dud, eh?

Wait a minute.
What are you trying to do?

I'll fix it so it don't
hurt anybody.

I'll b*at its brains out.

MAN: Halt.

You'll be court-martialled
for this.

Arrest these traitors.

Oh, now, wait a minute, sir.
We're no traitors.

We captured those spies.

We did it for you, sir.

Oh, remarkable.
You'll be rewarded for this.

How did you do it?
It was cinch, admiral.

I took a piece of pipe
and crowned them like this.

[expl*si*n]

[♪]

Hey, step on it.
Look who's coming.

[ALL YELLING]