02x12 - Guess Who's Coming to Drive?

[bunniefuu]

[THE PARTRIDGE FAMILY'S
"COME ON GET HAPPY" PLAYING]

♪ Hello, world, hear the song
That we're singing ♪

♪ Come on, get happy ♪

♪ A whole lot of lovin'
Is what we'll be bringing ♪

♪ We'll make you happy ♪

♪ We had a dream
We'd go traveling together ♪

♪ We'd spread a little love ♪

♪ And then we'll keep
Movin' on ♪

♪ Something always happens
Whenever we're together ♪

♪ We get a happy feeling
When we're singing a song ♪

♪ Traveling along there's
A song that we're singing ♪

♪ Come on, get happy ♪

♪ A whole lot of lovin'
Is what we'll be bringing ♪

♪ We'll make you happy ♪

♪ We'll make you happy ♪

♪ We'll make you happy ♪

[♪♪♪]

Hi.
Hi.

Where's Shirley?
Uh, she went to the store.

Well, the itinerary for
the summer tour is finally set.

Great. Uh, why don't
Communications Center?

The what?

Oh, it's Danny's
latest invention.

He calls it
the Communications Center.

Anyone else would
call it a bulletin board.

It figures.

Okay. "To Keith, I want the $
you owe me." Signed Danny.

"To Chris, I want the quarter
you owe me." Signed...

"To Mr. Kincaid, I want
Signed Danny.

Sure, when I'm solvent,
announcements.

You're supposed to initial
it after you read it.

Danny's efficiency program.

Yeah, well, he won't get
anything in writing from me.

[♪♪♪]

Hi, Mr. Kincaid.
What are you doing here?

Hi, Tracy. Well, I just
for the summer tour.

Can I see it?
Sure.

[GRUNTS]

What is C-H-I?
Chicago.

What is D-E-T?
Detroit.

Is she supposed
to initial it too?

Oh, I see, you
just make your mark.

[CAR DOOR CLOSES]

Hi, Shirley.
Reuben.

I didn't know you were
in town today.

I only have a
casserole for dinner.

That sounds great, but I am
having dinner tonight

with Bonnie Kleinschmitt
at her house.

She's gonna show
of the Siegfried line.

Mom, Reuben brought
by the tour schedule.

Oh, yeah. It's on the board.
handprint.

Oh.

Oh, no. It even looks
longer on paper.

Well, it's
a two-month tour.

Reuben, the more
I think about it,

the more I know
I can't make it.

We'll be traveling
all over the country.

Hi, Mr. Kincaid.
Mom, did you get my issue

of the U.S. Finances
and Monetary Report?

It's in the bag with
DANNY: Thanks.

Now, what do you mean,
you'll never make it?

You've done it before.

Yes, but the longest
has been two weeks.

This will be two months
of driving the bus

during the day
and performing at night.

Well, Keith can
help you drive.

Then we'll both
be exhausted.

We can't perform our best
when we can't keep awake.

Besides, Keith needs all the
beauty sleep he can get. Yuck.

I can't do it, Reuben.
Really, I can't.

Why don't
we hire a driver?

Hey, that's not a bad idea.

We could put an ad
in the newspaper.

Yeah, I was just
about to think of that.

So much for the bus.
Now, let's get down to business.

Fine.
Tracy's the only one

that initialed
the itinerary.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

[TIRES SCREECHING]

[TIRES SCREECHING]

[AIR HISSING]

Oh, dear,

I guess I misjudged
the curb a little.

This bus,

it handles so much differently
than my electric car.

I understand.

Uh...
We have a few more

applicants to see,
Mrs. Weinstock.

We'll let you know.

Oh, well, thank you, dearie.
And don't you be prejudiced

just because I'm a woman.
I can hack it.

[HORN HONKS]
Oh! Well...

[CHUCKLING]

[♪♪♪]

[TIRES SCREECHING]

Can I try it again?
Yeah. Go ahead, try it.

[ENGINE SPUTTERING]

Maybe all it
needed was a rest.

It's out of gas.
I know how to fix it.

She probably jarred
she went over the curb.

Try it now.

[ENGINE STARTS]

What did you do?
Uh, sometimes, these old babies,

the carburetor linkage
goes out of whack.

Well, you saved
our lives.

She exaggerates a little,
but thanks a lot.

That's okay.

Thank you.
You saved our lives.

Like mother,
like daughter.

It is a good thing
you came along.

Well, I'm Johnny Burnhardt.
I'm here about the ad.

[♪♪♪]

I hope you don't mind us
asking you these questions.

No.
Being interviewed

by seven people is
practically a hobby of mine.

I hope he likes baseball.
What's your favorite sport?

Baseball.
What's your favorite color?

What's yours?

I don't have any either.

Will you work
for peanuts?

I'm sure whatever you
people pay will be fair.

You know, I like him.
He's got a lot of class

for someone that's gonna
be working for peanuts.

Well, he certainly
knows how to fix a bus.

[♪♪♪]

Well?

Welcome to the
Partridge Family.

That's great.

[♪♪♪]

JOHNNY:
station coming up.

Anyone want to stop?

SHIRLEY:
Not unless we need gas.

TRACY:
We'd better stop, Mom.

SHIRLEY:
done that before we left.

CHRIS:
I guess I should've too.

SHIRLEY: Oh, Chris.
DANNY: Me too.

KEITH:
gonna stop anyway.

JOHNNY:
One filling station, coming up.

[♪♪♪]

Burnhardt. That you?

Ingram. Well, I'll be.
What are you doing out here?

[♪♪♪]

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

Got me a customer.
I'll talk to you in a minute.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

Doesn't it strike you
the phone so much?

Why should it?
calling relatives.

In every town
we've been in?

So far, he's had a brother
in Marysville,

a sister in Chicago

and a grandmother
in Boise.

So he has a big family.
[SIGHS]

I think there's
a better explanation.

He's a floating bookie.
He's a what?

Don't you get it?
from the guy...

and he phoned in a bet.
He's a floating bookie.

Danny, your imagination
is getting totally out of hand.

Okay, maybe I don't
have any real evidence,

but I'm gonna
keep my eyes open.

JOHNNY:
Hi, kids.

Hey, what looks
good in the fifth?

The what?

[♪♪♪]

Hi. What will you have?

I'll have milk on the rocks.

Excuse me, sir. Have you always
worn glasses and a false nose?

I'm working undercover.
Pretend you don't know me.

Oh, I will.

Who are you?
Never mind that.

Do you know who that
man is in the dark suit?

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

Yeah. What's it to you?

Is he a bookie?

Are you putting me on?
He's a local parole officer.

You're kidding.

I tell you, we got
a gangster driving our bus.

For all we know,
he may be a k*ller.

Danny, yesterday you thought
he was a floating bookie.

In Seattle, you thought
he was a member of the CIA.

And now, you think
he's a k*ller on parole.

But this time,
I have proof.

I saw him talking
to a parole officer.

The waitress told me.
If Johnny was talking

to a parole officer,
He's a jailbird.

Ex-jailbird.
He's a parolee.

Now I know why
you have red hair.

Your brain is rusted.

Okay, laugh it off.
But when we're captured

and tied up in our sleep,
I'll have the last laugh.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Come in.

Hi. I was wondering what time
tomorrow you'd like to push off.

Uh, kids, could I speak
to Johnny alone for a minute?

Yeah. Come on.
Let's go.

Oh, Mom. If you want me,
I'll be next door...

polishing my
nickel-plated revolver.

Sit down, Johnny.

Is something wrong?

Johnny, are you on parole?

On parole? Me?

[CHUCKLING]
What would I be on parole for?

If you are, it doesn't matter.
Of course it matters.

But if you made a mistake--

It wasn't a mistake.
It was armed robbery.

Would you have hired me
if I told you that?

[♪♪♪]

I'm sorry if I got upset.

Mrs. Partridge, I don't intend
to get into any more trouble.

Johnny, I know that.

I know you're not
involved in anything...

but I would appreciate
a few things for me.

I hope you'll understand.

Sure.

Just a mother
looking out for her kids.

Thanks.

Now, what's
a floating bookie?

I've heard of a bookie
and a floating crap game,

but I've never heard
of a floating bookie.

But you took money from
that gas-station attendant.

He was a friend of mine.
He owed it to me.

I knew him in prison.

And did you really have

all those relatives
in all those cities?

Oh, the phone calls.

Mrs. Partridge, I have
to check in and out

with the parole officers
wherever we go.

I see.

Thanks for explaining it
to me, Johnny.

Mrs. Partridge, I'd like
to keep this job.

You have a nice family,
and they call me Mister.

[CHUCKLES]

Mom? Oh, hi,
Mr. Burnhardt.

I didn't know
you were still here.

Mom, do you remember where
you put my spare b*ll*ts?

Danny.
[LAUGHING]

KEITH:
Hey, they review us?

DANNY:
There's that word again.

What word?
"Wholesome." Yuck!

Hey, somebody
and got away with $ , .

Even got a picture
of the guy doing it.

How did they do that?
Hidden camera, I guess.

Look, it's
Mr. Burnhardt.

What? Don't be ridiculous.
I'm not. Look.

Same windbreaker,
same tennis shoes,

same back of the head.
Let me see that.

Hey, you know, it does
kind of look like him.

Sorry I'm late.
Hope I didn't hold you up.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

Well, is there anything
before I flake out?

No, Johnny.
Get some sleep.

Right. Good night,
everybody. Sleep well.

Good night, Johnny.
SHIRLEY: Good night.

Okay, kids.
Let's talk.

Mom, his picture's
right here in the paper.

I see a picture of a man
with his back to the camera.

Mom, his build,
the clothes.

That picture could be
any one of a million people.

It could be Reuben.

It is kind of
spooky, though.

I mean, he's wearing a
windbreaker just like Johnny's.

And those tennis shoes.

LAURIE:
and a windbreaker.

Honestly,
you're worse than Danny

and you're old
enough to know better.

I didn't say
I believed it.

I just said
it was spooky.

You're allowing
your imaginations

to run away with you
at Johnny's expense.

Mom, I like Mr. Burnhardt.

But I'm just
looking out for you.

Danny, if I suspected Johnny
of being a bank robber,

I'd be the first one
to call the police.

Now, let's forget
the whole thing, okay?

Okay, it's forgotten.

Mind if I lock the door?

[♪♪♪]

DANNY:
But Mr. Burnhardt knows

you're not supposed
to be in town.

If he recognizes you,
he's gonna be suspicious.

Hiding behind this
newspaper's bad enough.

There is no way I'm going
to wear this silly thing.

What's so silly about it?
You're gonna blow our cover.

[♪♪♪]

Reuben, what are
you doing here?

Danny, did you
call him?

DANNY [IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE]:
Danny? Danny who?

You got
the wrong person, lady.

If you don't stop
telling lies,

your nose is gonna
grow shorter.

See?

Danny,
you did call him.

I did it
for your protection.

Now, don't get mad
at Danny too fast.

He explained everything to me
and he showed the picture.

Maybe he has grounds
to be concerned.

Oh, Reuben.
Laurie, the man has committed

armed robbery before.

Well, I admit,
the picture is vague,

but it could be Johnny.

I think this whole thing
is getting out of hand.

Look, I don't want
to get him into trouble,

if he's innocent,
but why not play it safe?

I'll go over
to the police station

and see if they've
caught the robber.

If they have,
well, we can all rest easy.

Reuben, I don't like it.

Well, I don't either.

But just--
Just let me handle it.

Believe me, Johnny will
never know about this.

OFFICER:
over in Placerville, huh?

I don't think they did catch
that man yet. Why do you ask?

Oh, no reason. I, uh--

I read about it
in the paper, and I was curious.

Well, it's hard to tell
anything by this picture.

The man looks to be about
six foot, well built.

Could be a lot of people.

[♪♪♪]

Even you.
Oh.

Tell me, friend...

is this a prescription nose?

[CHUCKLES]

Well, I...

I told you,
I am innocent.

I'm a victim of
circumstantial evidence.

You'll never get away
with this, you know.

I have friends
in high places.

Sure you do. You have one
phone call. So make it good.

By the way, if I were you,
I wouldn't call the president.

He's not taking
any calls today.

[LAUGHING]

President, not
taking calls, huh?

Funny. Very funny.

But you'll talk out
of the other end

of your bullhorn
in a minute.

Uh, hello?
Room , please.

[MUSIC PLAYING ON TV]
[PHONE RINGS]

Hello?

Tracy?

Uh, is your mother
there, dear?

Oh.

Well, is anybody
older than you there?

Yeah, well, listen,
and I only have one call,

because I'm in jail.
So I want you to be sure to--

Hello? Tracy!

Forget the TV, Tracy!

Does this call have to count?
She's only five.

Uh...

Tracy, turn off the TV.

No, you don't want to watch
Sesame Street right now.

Hello?!

[SIGHS]

The Cookie Monster was on.

I don't understand
what's happened to Reuben.

He should be back by now,

or at least have called.
He called, Mom.

ANNOUNCER [OVER PA SYSTEM]:
Ladies and gentlemen...

He did?
Why didn't you tell me?

Where is he?
He's in jail.

ANNOUNCER:
The Partridge Family.

[APPLAUSE]

[PLAYING AND SINGING
"RAINMAKER"]

[APPLAUSE]

Innocent.

I-N-N-O-CENT.
Innocent!

This is what happened to the
Count of Monte Cristo, you know.

Being railroaded into jail
for a crime he didn't commit.

There. There's
your man, officer.

I'm here in
this rotten jail,

and he is running
around scot-free.

Reuben, please.
I'm glad you're here, Shirley.

Just, get me
out of here.

Tell this man how I was in
Los Angeles during the robbery.

And tell him who
the real prime suspect is.

Who is the prime suspect?

Ah. Where were you

yesterday afternoon
at : in Placerville?

Do you remember
the name of the bank?

I wasn't in any bank.
[SIGHS]

I was having a cup of coffee...

with my parole officer.
Oh.

Sure. Danny saw me.

He was sitting
a couple of booths away.

He was wearing those
glasses with the funny nose.

[♪♪♪]

Good news, officer.

This man's got
an airtight alibi. Me.

Well?

No luck?

I tried. He won't
even open his door.

Well, I guess he's
gonna leave then.

I really did do
my best, kids.

He just won't listen
to me. I'm sorry.

Well, is there
anything we can do?

[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]

Hey, Mr. Burnhardt,
where are you going?

Grandma's sick.
San Francisco.

Well, you don't have
to just run off, Johnny.

Hang around a few minutes.
Let me buy you some breakfast.

I'd take him up on that
if I were you.

That's an offer that's
practically unheard of.

Mr. Burnhardt,
what's your favorite color?

I ain't got one, kid.
I gotta go.

Mr. Burnhardt,
this whole thing is my fault.

Don't blame Mr. Kincaid
and my family.

Hate me.

Hate you? You kidding?

You're my star witness.
You got me off the hook.

Johnny,

I understand
why you want to leave.

You don't think
we trust you. But we do.

Mr. Burnhardt,

you know that
nickel-plated revolver

I said I was polishing?

I don't have
a nickel-plated revolver.

No kidding?

I don't even have
any spare b*ll*ts.

Please give us
a second chance.

The warden gave me
a second chance.

And a shiny suit and $ .

I think I got
a little more this time.

Mr. Kincaid,

will you spring
for steak and eggs?

Sure. I can take it
off my income tax.

[LAUGHING]

Hey, Kincaid, you'd better
get rid of that windbreaker.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

Well, I guess that's it.

The bus is
pretty well unloaded.

Johnny, I don't know
how to thank you.

If we ever need
a temporary bus driver again,

I certainly hope
you're available.

So do I.
You're good people.

Well, I guess
I ought to go.

Not yet. You have
to stay for dinner.

No, thanks, Laurie.
I couldn't do that.

I think it's easier
if I just move on.

[♪♪♪]

Johnny,
is something wrong?

Yes, Mrs. Partridge,
there is.

It's that letter of
recommendation you wrote for me.

You know, a copy of it
goes to my parole officer.

I know.
Well, that's the problem.

I'm afraid it'll get
me into trouble.

But it was a very good
recommendation.

Oh, too good.
You see, with my record,

my parole officer
will think

I wrote that letter myself
and forged your name.

So could you tone
it down a little?

I see.
Anything you want.

You're very understanding.

And to make it really official,
I'll have everyone initial it.

Oh!
Danny.

[ALL LAUGHING]

[SIGHS]

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]