03x18 - The Eleven-Year Itch

[bunniefuu]

♪ Hello, world, hear
the song that we're singin'

♪ Come on, get happy

♪ A whole lot of lovin'
is what we'll be bringin'

♪ We'll make you happy

♪ We had a dream
we'd go travelin' together

♪ And spread a little lovin'
then we'd keep movin' on

♪ Somethin' always happens
whenever we're together

♪ We get a happy feelin'
when we're singin' a song

♪ Travelin' along there's
a song that we're singin'

♪ Come on, get happy

♪ A whole lot of lovin'
is what we'll be bringin'

♪ We'll make you happy

♪ We'll make you happy

♪ We'll make you happy ♪

That was Richard Lawrence on the phone.
He's coming into town for a few days.

You didn't have to tell us.

No. We always know when
Richard Lawrence is coming to town.

That little grin's
a dead giveaway.

What grin?

That one.

It's okay, Mom. You don't
have to be embarrassed.

We understand that mothers need
an occasional romantic interlude.

It's not a romantic interlude.

As a matter of fact, he's bringing
his youngest daughter, Julie.

Good luck, Keith.

What's that supposed to mean?

Well, she's years old, right?

Right.

And he probably said
she's a big fan, right?

Well, he did say she
had a lot of our records.

She'll spend her entire
visit groveling at Keith's feet.

If I didn't know better,
I'd say you were jealous.

No, I've outgrown the need to
have women falling at my feet.

I prefer a deeper, more
meaningful relationship.

You know what, kid?

What?

You're boring.

That's them.

I'll get it.

Keith.

Oh! By the way, don't worry about a thing.
Her little heart is safe in my hands.

Oh, brother.

Hi, d*ck. Hi, Shirley.
It's good to see you.

Oh, it's nice to see you.
Hi, d*ck. How are you?

Hi, d*ck. Hi, Keith.

Everybody, I would like you
to meet my daughter, Julie.

Julie, this is Mrs. Partridge.

Pleased to meet
you, Mrs. Partridge.

It's very nice to
meet you, Julie.

And that's Chris
and Tracy up there.

Hi. Hi.

And this is Laurie.

Hi, Julie. Hi, Laurie.

This is Danny.

Howdy.

And this is Keith.

Hi, Danny. I've got all of your
records. I think you're wonderful.

d*ck, you don't have to help me
with dinner, I can get Laurie to do it.

Oh, no. No, no, no.

Besides, I promised
myself on this trip,

I will not waste a chance
to be alone with you.

Besides, I'm starving to death.

Well, I guess I
knew it all along.

Knew what?

You're only interested
in me for my radishes.

You know, I'm
glad I brought Julie.

I was wondering how well our
two families would get along.

Now my question is answered.

Oh! Uh-huh.

Did you notice the
way she took to Danny?

Yes, I did.

I guess... I guess I should
have picked up on it earlier.

All the way down here,
she kept talking about

how excited she was
to be meeting him.

You know, sometimes crushes can be
very frightening to a boy Danny's age.

Oh, yes, sometimes,
but not this time.

No, no, no. I'll bet he is
loving every minute of it.

You look a lot different in person
than you do on your albums.

Oh?

Shorter.

Thanks.

Well, personally,
I like short men.

Terrific.

Dinner's ready.

Oh, well, got to go,
dinner's ready. Kids, dinner.

Julie, why don't you
sit next to Danny?

Thanks, Laurie. Eating
next to Danny Partridge.

It's like a dream come true.

This is a hot plate.

I hope everybody
likes lamb chops.

I love lamb chops.

I love lamb chops. Good.

Julie, your favorite, carrots.

No, thank you.

You don't like carrots?

Nope.

Well, neither do I.

Anymore.

Mom, I got to go. I got
a date. Okay, honey.

Have a good time. He will.

See you.

Hey, hey, Keith,
have you seen Danny?

No, I haven't, Julie,
not since dinner.

He may be in the garage, though.

Thanks.

Psst. Keith, is that you?

Danny?

What are you doing in here?
Julie's looking all over for you.

That's what I'm doing in here.

Ah! Well, don't worry. She's
looking for you in the garage.

Good. Look, Keith,
you've got to help me.

Oh, no, I don't.

All I need is a little advice.

About what?

About how to get rid of a
woman that's crazy about you.

All right.

You might start by
revealing some of your

bad points, which
shouldn't be too difficult.

Discourage her.

It wouldn't work.
She'd know I was lying.

One thing's for sure. She's
not hooked on your humility.

Wait, I'm desperate.

Hi, Danny. What are
you doing in the closet?

I'm protecting the coats from moths.
They're real pests this time of the year.

Well, see you later.

Isn't he wonderful?

Well, this is it, Mom.

Thanks, honey.

Would you like me to take over?

Oh, sure.

Uh... Laurie, would you
let d*ck do it, please?

I would like you to put
Chris and Tracy to bed.

But they just went to...

Oh! Okay.

I get the distinct feeling you would
like to talk to me about something.

Oh?

Chris and Tracy went
to bed minutes ago.

Oh.

Yes, d*ck, I did want to talk to
you. It's about Julie and Danny.

Ah!

They're really hitting
it off, aren't they?

In a manner of speaking.

Well, they've been
together all evening.

When she could catch him.

Are you saying Danny
doesn't like Julie?

Well, I think he would like her,
if she weren't so aggressive.

Julie is aggressive?

You didn't notice?

No, I didn't.

Well, it's just that she doesn't understand
that boys Danny's age need time.

They're a little awkward
when it comes to girls.

Well, you'd know better
about that. I only raised girls.

But I can tell you one thing.
When I was Danny's age,

I'd have let a girl
like Julie catch me.

You sound like a wounded father.

No, I'm not a wounded
father, Shirley.

A little worried about
Danny, but I'm not wounded.

A little hardheaded.
What did you say?

Oh, I said you missed a spot.

Oh.

We are not going to stand by
and watch Mom's relationship

with Mr. Lawrence ruined
by an -year-old crush.

Well, what can I do? She's
the one that's chasing me.

You can let her catch you.

Now, wait a minute.

Danny, she's only gonna
be here for a few days.

It won't k*ll you
to be nice to her.

If you let her get to know you, I'm sure
she'll realize how ridiculous her crush is.

Now, we want you to start being
nice to her tomorrow before the picnic.

So soon? I was hoping for
a couple days to mull it over.

Tomorrow.

Remember, it's for Mom.

Boy, what we go through for
parents. Being a kid isn't all that easy.

Morning, Shirley.

Morning, Richard.

Morning, Julie.

Hi, Danny.

Um... I'm sorry I haven't
been very friendly.

Um... I don't know
what came over me.

I must have been
temporarily insane.

Well, I've been chasing you all over the
place. I guess I acted pretty silly, too.

Let's be friends.

That'd be terrific.

I guess I owe you
an apology, too.

Let's be friends.

That'd be terrific.

Kids do surprising
things, don't they?

They certainly do.

Kind of glad to see how
they're getting along now.

Might come in handy someday.

What is that supposed to mean?

Well, with things
going so smoothly,

this might be a good chance for me
to ask you a very important question.

Like how would I like
my hamburger cooked?

It's not fair. You
know all my routines.

Okay, g*ng, how do you
want your hamburgers?

Uh... Make mine well-done.

Medium.

b*rned. Ditto.

Make mine extremely rare.

Danny, what
happened to your eye?

That's where I hit him.

I was aiming for his mouth.

Danny, what did you
do to make Julie hit you?

It's sort of personal, Mom.

Danny, what did you do?

He kissed me,
that's what he did.

All right, let's sit
down and discuss this.

Well?

Well, what?

There's nothing to
discuss. I kissed her.

And I punched him.

But last night...

Last night was a different
time, a different place.

Today, everything was going fine and all
of a sudden, I had this urge to kiss her.

And I had the urge to punch you.

Well, you're the
adults, you explain it.

Well, Danny, apparently your
feelings toward Julie have changed.

You're more relaxed around
each other. You're yourselves.

Uh... You see each
other in a different way.

Mr. Lawrence, do you think
I'm in love with your daughter?

Oh, well, I... I
wouldn't say love.

Love is a very big step.
Let's just say you like her a lot.

Okay, that explains
me. What about her?

Last night she was crazy about me,
and today she socks me in the eye.

I was aiming for your mouth.

Julie, don't you like Danny?

Sure, we're having a lot of fun.

Oh.

I think I'm as
confused as Danny.

That proves it.

You men will just never
understand us women.

I want you two to
know something.

What's that, Danny?

You've been no help at all.

He's right, you know.

I know.

What are you doing? I was just
asking him the same question.

I need help.

We know that, but Mom won't
let us have you committed.

Very funny. Look, I'm serious.

Well, why did you drag me in here?
Couldn't you talk to me in my own room?

I need to talk to both of
you together. Here, sit down.

Okay, I need both
sides of the story.

What story?

Love story. I need to know
how to win the girl of my dreams.

Ah! You mean Julie?

Precisely. I can't afford to
make any more mistakes.

I could end up in the hospital.

He's got a point.

Okay. What do you want to know?

Well, Keith, you know
the lines guys use on girls,

and Laurie, you know which
ones work, so teach me.

Well, Danny...

It's a little difficult
to put into words.

Maybe if we were to
act it out, it would help.

Sure.

Now, I'm the guy.

Makes sense so far.

Why don't we just start? Okay.

All right. Now, I'm going to
show you how I would go about it.

Laurie, just respond naturally.

Hi. Hi.

Laurie, there's something
I've gotta tell you.

Ever since we first met,

I've known there's something very
different about you, something very...

What's so funny?

Oh, well, I'm sorry,
but you can't be serious.

What do you mean?
That's a very reliable line.

Oh, come on, Keith.

Yeah, well, it works
on Bunny Hoffsteader.

"Hello" works on
Bunny Hoffsteader.

Can we move on
to something else?

Fine.

Laurie, before I met you,

my life was aimless,
meaningless.

Now you've given...
Now what's the matter?

I can't believe that you
actually say things like that.

Any half-intelligent girl would see
through that baloney in a minute.

Are you saying I
only date dummies?

You said it, I didn't.

Oh, really?

And I suppose you've
never been fooled once.

Well, I'd rather the
guys I date be honest.

Ah! What about Sidney
Kimbal? You believed him.

Um... What did Sidney tell you?

Wouldn't you like to know?

Keith Partridge,
as my brother...

Uh-huh... you're
obligated to tell me.

What did Sidney tell you?

Oh, nothing much, just that he
took you up to Muldoon's Point.

So, if this deal goes through, I should
be in town at least every other week.

Oh, Richard, that
would be wonderful.

Yes, that's why the company here
is finding me very easy to deal with.

So, you think you'll know
by tomorrow whether...

Is there something
you wanted to say?

I know on the outside I
look carefree and casual,

but on the inside, a
young heart is breaking.

In other words...

In other words, how
do I get Julie to like me?

Honey, you can't
make Julie like you.

I don't understand it. Yesterday,
she liked me and I didn't like her.

Today, it's all turned around.

It's all so complicated.

Danny, sometimes
when you're young,

that's the way it happens. One day,
you like somebody, the next day, you don't.

When we get a little older,
and if we're very lucky,

we find people we
can like for a lot longer.

I know it's very difficult
for you to understand...

What you're trying to
say, is you can't explain it.

Yes. I think that's
what we're trying to say.

Well...

I might as well give up. I've talked
to everyone and gotten nowhere.

Everyone?

Except Chris and Tracy, and
they still think love is a warm puppy.

Have you talked to Julie?

Well...

This is between the two of you.
Don't you think that's a good idea?

I guess so.

Just be yourself. Let
her know how you feel.

But, you know, there
are no guarantees.

Mr. Lawrence,

was it this tough for you when
you first started liking Mom?

If you mean, was I
worried she wouldn't feel

the same way about
me? The answer is, yes.

But sometimes it's worth
taking a few chances.

Well, thanks,
Mr. Lawrence. Thanks, Mom.

I guess you're right.

It's time Julie and I talked
this thing out like adults.

I didn't know if you'd come.

I'm here now. That's
all that matters.

Can I buy you a soda?

A lime freeze would be nice.

Waiter?

A lime freeze for the lady, and
I'll have another chocolate soda.

Waiter! Make mine a double.

Don't you think
you've had enough?

I guess I'm looking for
courage in a soda glass.

Julie, I guess you know
the way I feel about you.

I know.

And?

Well, I like you,
Danny, it's just that...

Well, I'm not ready for
that kind of commitment.

Oh.

Maybe in time.

Sure. There's no reason
we can't look at this maturely.

Right. After all, we're
not kids anymore.

Here you go, kids.

I guess you'll be leaving
tomorrow after the concert.

Yeah, but I'll be back in the spring.
My school lets out for two weeks.

Can I see you then?

I'd like that.

To the future.

And... And what, Danny?

If you're not gonna eat
that cherry, can I have it?

♪ I want her and I need her

♪ And someday,
someway Whoa, I'll meet her

♪ And she'll be kind of shy

♪ And real good-looking, too

♪ And I'll be
certain she's my girl

♪ By the things
she'll like to do

♪ Like walking in the rain

♪ And wishing on a star up above

♪ And being so in love

♪ When she's near me

♪ I'll kiss her

♪ And when she leaves
me Whoa, I'll miss her

♪ Sometimes we might
fight I won't really care

♪ I know it's gonna be all right

♪ 'Cause we got so much to share

♪ Like walking in the rain

♪ Like walking in the rain

♪ And wishing on a star up above

♪ Wishing on a star
♪ And being so in love

♪ Like walking in the rain

♪ And wishing on a star up above

♪ And being so in love ♪

Well, we better get going if we're
gonna make San Francisco before dark.

I wish you could stay longer.

So do I. But, I like to think the
law firm can't get along without me.

Where's Danny?

That's a very good question. He was
supposed to help me unload the bus.

Figures that Danny would disappear
when there's work to be done.

I'll help you.

I guess you're
better than nothing.

Thanks.

You know, I think this experience
has been good for Danny and Julie.

I'm just glad it turned
out the way it did.

Yeah, at least Danny knows now he
can handle a kiss and a punch in the eye.

Hi, Mom, Mr. Lawrence.

Hi.

Mom, is it okay if we go
over to Gloria Hickey's?

Honey, I think d*ck and
Julie are about to leave.

Oh, well, maybe I
can meet her next time.

Okay. Um... I guess I'll be
seeing you over spring break.

Sure. Maybe this time we can go
on another picnic. Just the two of us.

Okay. Well, I guess I'll be
seeing you. Don't forget to write.

I won't.

Who's Gloria?

Oh, that's Danny's girlfriend.

He thought the two most important
women in his life should meet.

Well, I'd better
go get my things.

I think their healing
time is about minutes.

You know, I think we can still
learn things from our children.

Ah, yes.

Will you be coming back soon?

As soon as possible.
Maybe sooner.

Shirley, if I were to kiss
you goodbye, you wouldn't...

Sometimes you just
have to take your chances.

Well...