24x05 - g*ns a Poppin

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪♪]

♪ Hello ♪
♪ Hello ♪

♪ Hello ♪

ALL:
Hello.

[♪♪♪]

Mr. Moe, you're accused of
assaulting your two roommates

with intent
to commit mayhem.

You mean m*rder!

And he also tried
to k*ll us too.

Yeah, you ought to hold him
on a habeas corpusle.

Yeah, that's telling them, kid.
Yeah.

Quiet!

This complaint states
that you

att*cked the plaintiffs
with this.

States Exhibit A.

You admit this is
your property, do you not?

Well, Your Honor,
do you mind if I look at it?

You see, I had my name carved
somewhere on the--

[GRUNTS]

A born k*ller, eh?

Sit down!
But, Your Honor,

if you let me tell
my side of the story...

You mean you have something
to say in extenuation?

Oh, not that. No, no.
Not that, Your Honor.

You see,
I had a good reason.

Were you ever indicted?

Not since I was a baby,
Your Honor.

But I'm a sick man.

A very sick man.

And I've had two very serious
operations.

And this one here
for crushed grape seeds.

Right here.

Oh, I have one exactly
like that.

You have?
Yeah.

Let me show it to you.

Look. See here?
Oh, that's a bum job.

That's like hem stitching
with a picot edge.

[LAUGHING]

Sit down, we'll continue
with the testimony.

As I said before,
Your Honor--

You see, Your Honor,
I'm a very sick man.

Firstly, my creditors
closed up my business.

Secondly,
I have to pay $ ,

or they'll put me
in bankruptcy.

And because of that,
I had a nervous breakdown.

So only a few days ago
I was terribly sick,

and my doctor said
I must have quiet.

Absolute quiet.

Quiet.

Quiet!

Quit stomping around.

Scat!
[CAT MEWLS]

Oh, my nerves.

Oh.

I must have
and seven-eighths.

[GROANS]

[BIG BAND MUSIC PLAYING]
[THERMOMETER CRACKS]

MOE:
Quiet!

Quiet, you imbeciles!

Hey, Joe,
did you see my slide?

No.

[GROANING]

Maybe it flew in there.

Let's look.

Hey, Moe, did you see
a trombone slide?

No, but I see
a dream walking.

[BOTH SCREAM]

Moe!

My nerves.

[BOTH COUGHING]

Gee, what a sorehead.
Yeah.

What did you expect?

My creditors put me out
of business,

then I have
a nervous breakdown

and all you guys do
is make it worse.

You know my doctor said
I must have quiet!

Moe, what you really need
is the quiet of the country.

Yeah, Joe's right.

Just picture
the beautiful country.

The babbling brook,

the murmuring of the breezes
through the threes,

the mooses and the meeces.

And the fresh air.

[SNIFFS]

[COUGHS]

Moe, it'll make
a new man out of you.

Sounds pretty good.

Sure, can't you just see it?

Hunting and fishing.

And at night,
the open campfire.

And, far away in the distance,

you hear the call
of the wolf.

[WOLF WHISTLES]

That's the wrong wolf.

[HOWLING]

Not so loud.

Don't tell me. I know--

Don't yell at me.
Now, look, I--

That noise.
The noise.

The noise,
the noise!

Now you made him
nervous again.

Oh! Oh, quick.

Quick, my medicine.

My pills.
Medicine.

Larry.
All right, take it easy, Moe.

Take it easy.

[PILLS RATTLING]

That ought to cure him.
Or k*ll him.

We better get packed.

MOE:
Hey, grub is ready.

Come on,
sit down, fellas.

Oh, boy, am I hungry.

Hey, it's a good thing
we found this deserted cabin.

Hey, this area is fine
for hunting.

How do you know?

Well, I just saw a sign
outside that says

"fine for hunting."

Oh, fine for...

Oh.

Have some bread.

Oh, thank you.

Ooh, scrambled eggs.

And don't touch them
until I come back

with the fried potatoes.

Hey, Joe,
I forgot the sugar.

I'll go get it.

You worm.

Where's your manners?

Why didn't you leave me
some of the eggs?

I didn't touch them.

MOE:
No, you did,

and don't make matters worse
by lying about it.

If this happens again,
I'll gauge your eyes out.

I'll tear your tonsils out
three at a time.

Oh, shut up!

[GROANS]

Big boss.
Always telling us what to do.

Don't do this,
don't do that.

Pardon me.
What did you say?

I said, oh, shut up.

[GROANS]

[COUGHS]

Now, now you know
what I mean.

Ooh!

At least I'll get my rightful
share of the potatoes.

I didn't do nothing!
No, you didn't do nothing.

You ate everything
but the plate.

Now you guys,
make my breakfast.

Boil me some noodles
and fry me some eggs.

Go on!

Okay, you fry the eggs,
I'll boil the noodles.

You're gonna eat noodles
for breakfast?

MOE:
All right, make it spaghetti.

Oh, that's different.

How do you want
your eggs?

Sunny-side down,
and don't turn them over.

Sunny-side over,
and don't turn them down?

This guy's nuts.

Where's that fresh honey?

Oh, boy. Oh, boy.
Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

Ah.

If there's anything I like
better than honey and ketchup

it's bologna and whipped cream,
and we haven't got any.

I'd love that.

Spaghetti is ready--

[SCREAMS]

MOE:
Oh!

What the...?

Spaghetti.

You stupe. Birdbrain.

Moe, there's--
There's-- There's--

[SPITS]

You imbeciles,
what's the matter with you?

There's a b-b-b-bear
in the window.

You're wacky, there's no bear
in any window.

There is too.

[GROWLS]
Oh! Oh! Oh!

You're right.
There is a bear out there.

Here. You boys go out
and sh*t him.

I'd go too,
but my nerves won't let me.

I haven't got the nerve,
either.

Larry, you get him.

All right, I'll go.

But if that bear kills me
I'll never talk to you again.

Come on, Joe.
I'll be right behind you.

You see anything?

No.
Then what are you waiting for?

Go ahead.

Look at me shake,
and I've got the chills again.

Oh, my.

[SNIFFING]

[MOANS]

That bear sure
disappeared fast.

Get him, the bear.

Ouch!

Oh! Ow!

[GROANING]

Hey, Moe,
what do you know?

The bear got away.
Yeah, but you won't.

BOTH: Oh! Oh! Oh!
[CAR ENGINE SPUTTERING]

Hey, somebody's
starting our car.

Either I'm dreaming or
I flipped my lid completely.

Oh, my nerves, my nerves.

Hey, fellas. I just saw
a bear drive our car away.

He put his arm out
to make a turn.

Oh, oh.
Come here.

Come here.
Just sit down.

Yeah.
Relax, Moe.

Relax, he says.
I see bears driving cars.

I need $ , .

Oh, I wanna go home!

Moe, sleep.

Sleep, Moe.

Shh.

[g*nf*re]

I'll brain him!
I'll brain him!

[g*nshots]

Cut out that sh**ting
or I'll brain you.

This is the sheriff.

I'm after
Mad Bill Hiccup.

The bandit.

Yeah, and you're not
gonna get me, either.

Oh...

They're driving me crazy.

[GROANS]

[GROANING]

Ow! Oh, oh, oh, oh!

Oh, my nerves.

Oh!

[BONES cr*ck]

Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh, my nerves.

[GRUNTS]

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh, you're squashing me.

Joe, Larry.
Help.

Get off him,
you big lummox.

He's sick.
What's the idea?

[g*nshots]
Come on, Moe. Take it easy.

We'll get you there.

That's it.
Don't get nervous.

There you are, Moe.
Take a big swig of that.

Attaboy.

One false move
and I'll drill you guys.

Listen, you!

What?

Just listen.

[SIZZLING]

JOE: You can't do that!
MAD BILL: Oh?

JOE: What are you doing?
MAD BILL: Come on, fatso.

Cut it out--

[g*nsh*t]

[g*nsh*t]

[b*llet RICOCHETS]

[b*ll*ts RICOCHET]

[SPITS]

[g*nsh*t]

[b*ll*ts RICOCHET]

Yipe!

[g*nshots]

Stick 'em up
or I'll blast you.

Yeah, stick 'em up
or he'll blast you.

Say, that's a nice g*n
you have there.

Yeah, I got it
form my bar mitzvah.

Let me see it,
will you?

Sure.

Oh!

Hey, what are you trying
to do? Break his g*n?

Get back there, you...

I'll get that rat.

[g*nf*re]

[SIZZLING]
Ow!

Ow!

Ow!

Ooh!

Ooh, that hurts!

Ooh!

Get around
or I'll really hurt you.

[ALL POPPING]

Sheriff, come get this guy.
We got him.

All right,
don't move.

Hurry, hurry!

Oh, nice work,
fellas.

And I might add
very profitable too.

There's a $ , reward out
for this guy.

Ten thousand dollars!

Now I can pay
my creditors.

Oh, boy.
Sheriff, that's wonderful.

Thank you, sheriff.
Very much.

Oh, I gotta hug you
for that.

[ALL CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]

You fools!
He got away!

He got away.

Now we won't get
the grand.

You nitwits.

[BOTH SCREAM]
I'm gonna chop your heads off.

No!
Please.

[SPUTTERS]

Why you--

No, please.

No, Moe, please.

No, wait, no.
No, no.

I can explain
the whole thing.

I'll chop
your head off.

No, no, no!

Now my doctor says
I'll have to go back to bed

for six months.

I find the defendant
not guilty.

Case dismissed.

Thank you, Your Honor.

You're entirely welcome.

Do you mind if I have Exhibit A
back again, Your Honor?

Certainly not.
Help yourself.

Thank you, Your Honor.

He's got political pull.

How do you like that?

Yeah.
Oh, boys.

Just a minute.

Don't talk to me, I'm mad.
Me too.

So am I.

Oh! Oh!

Oh, look.

Oh, it's a good thing
I got a hard head.

Oh, my nerves.

My nerves.

My nerves.

[♪♪♪]