16x04 - Fuelin' Around

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪♪]

That's Professor Sneed's
new house.

I watched from here
when he moved in yesterday.

So we have him cornered at last.

By now, his super rocket fuel
should be perfected.

Yes, Rourke?
Yes,

I think we can persuade him
to give us the formula.

Ah, there he is now.

There's no mistaking
that magnificent head of hair.

Hiya, professor.

Got nothing to worry about.

My men'll have this job done
in a couple of hours.

SNEED:
Good.

Whose men?

Us men.
That's better.

Oh.
Come on, start cutting.

You too, good-lookin'.

Yes, sir.

These are some of my best men.

Oh!

[CHOKING]

I swallowed the tacks.

I'll... I'll...

[GASPS]

I'll be doggone.

Oh, I'm sorry.

[CHUCKLES]

Father,
step into the laboratory.

I've discovered
something interesting.

Just a moment, dear.

Uh, I want you men to finish up
as quickly as possible.

My work, shall we day,
is highly secretive.

Forget my name, forget you
ever came here. Is that clear?

You betcha.
We won't breathe a word.

Good.
Thank you, boys.

Eee-eee!

[GIGGLES, CHATTERS TEETH]

[WHIMPERS]

[SCREAMS]

My toes, they're gone. Oh-h-h.

[WHIMPERING]

Oh, there they are.
So they are.

[NOSE CRUNCHES]
[GRUNTING]

[GROANING]

Quit playing around.
We gotta measure this joint.

Take this tape
over to the other wall.

Go on.

How many feet you got?

Two.
Mmph!

You skillet-head.
Give me that tape.

[SPLUTTERS]

I'm sorry, Moe.
You asked for it.

You asked for it too.

But we'll forget it.

Get to nailing.
Yes, sir. Gladly.

How did I get in the cellar
up here?

When the professor
comes out of the house,

we'll capture him.

You will take him to Anemia.

Leon and I
will remain at the embassy.

Yes, colonel.

Hey.

What's that lump in here?

I didn't see no lump.

Well... Oh, never mind.
I'll get it myself.

Well, that hunk is finished.
Now to...

Say, he wasn't kidding.
That is a big lump.

Ah, that's just a wrinkle.
Flatten it out.

All right.

Ow!
What's that?

I thought I heard something.

Ow! Oh-h-h.

I'll m*rder him.

Hey, that's a noisy wrinkle.

Get me that stretcher.

[MOE GRUNTING]

Come here.
Give me that.

[GRUNTING]

SHEMP:
Stop pushing the rug, will you?

[YELLING]

Hey, that wrinkle is alive.

[MOE CONTINUES GRUNTING]

Hey!

Get the...
What's the matter with you?!

Moe, you was that lump.

And you'll be the next one.
Get me out of here.

Come on, help him.

All right, we have you out.
Go on, take it easy.

There's nothing to it.
Take it easy.

Ooh! I was a little
too quick for you, wasn't I?

Yeah.
Oh!

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
What do you got in your hand?

A hammer.
Fine.

Well, goodbye.
STOOGES: Bye.

Look, the professor
has two assistants.

Good.
We'll take them too.

Not yet.
Put away that g*n.

No harm must come
to the professor.

Come.

[ALL WHISTLING]

[WHISTLES]

Where'd those guys go
that was here a few...?

[YELPS]

Oh!

Let go.
My leg, you're breaking it.

Wh-wh-whoa!
Moe! Larry!

[WHISTLE BLOWING]

[TIRES SQUEAL]

Here we are, gentlemen.

What a joint.
Reminds me of the reform school.

Whoa,
did you stumble, professor?

Argh!
Anything wrong, professor?

No, I'm all right.

Guard.

Follow this soldier, gentlemen.

He will lead you
to the laboratory.

SHEMP:
I'd just as soon
take a look around town.

I'll be back.

I'm back.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

[INDISTINCT SPEECH]

This ain't no reform school.
It's a theatre.

How do you know?
There goes the doorman.

Hey, stop shoving.
I'm the professor.

Pardon me, professor.
That's better.

Get out of here.

Welcome home, Captain Rourke.

Hope you had a pleasant trip.
I did.

I had no trouble
with the professor whatsoever.

Splendid.

And now, for bringing
that genius to Anemia,

I give you
the Order of the Yellow Buzzard.

Of course, the fuel
is not quite ready yet.

But the professor promises

that it will only be
two or three days.

He is most eager to cooperate.

Did you say "eager"?
I did, general.

Of course, it may be because

I warned him
of the consequences.

Consequences? That's good.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Say, I beg your pardon.

Do you have any idea
what we're doing?

Now that you mention it, no.

Why don't you tell the general
he ain't Professor Sneed?

He couldn't invent the
rocket fuel in a million years.

I beg your pardon...
Wait a minute, you ignoramuses.

They find out
we're only carpet-layers,

they'll go back and grab
the real professor.

And not only that,
they'll sh**t us.

Now, we gotta fool 'em.
Savvy?

You're right. It's our duty
to "posterior."

I wonder what this will do.

Pyrogallic acid.

Say, that acts mighty powerful.

Yeah. If they put that
in an airplane,

something's bound to happen.

Get some more stuff.
Okay, okay.

How'd that mule get in here?

[YELLS]

You don't know my sleeve
from a jug, you jughead.

Hey, it's burning the wood.

Put it out, somebody!
Larry, Larry!

Put the fire out!

Larry, come on!

[SPLUTTERS]

You... Hey. It's strong enough.
Let's cork it.

Here's the cork.
Okay, kid.

[GRUNTING]

MAN:
Ow!

Top of the morning to you.

And the rest of the day
for myself.

Ah, but there's good news today.

Yes. You have the super
rocket fuel?
You said it.

With that stuff, a plane
can go miles an hour.

In low gear.

[SHUSHES]
Splendid, splendid.

I congratulate you, professor.

Oh, think nothing of it.

Drop us a line,
let us know how you come out.

If you come out.
One moment, everyone.

I think before you go,

you should give me the formula.

Oh, yes, the formula.
Why, sure, sure.

Tell him, professor.

Oh, y... Tell him.
Me?

Well, uh, first you put in
a half a pint of ectawhosis.

Ectawhosis.
No, no.

Ecta-whatsis.
Whatsis.

Um, and four grams of alkabob.

Ah, so?
Then you pour in

the shushkabob.
Shushkabob.

Then you fold in
the jigger of, uh,

sascraphonia.
Ah, splendid.

[DOOR OPENS]

Ah, general.

They are just giving me
the formula.

Well, that's splendid.

Continue, gentlemen.

Don't let me interrupt.
Yeah.

Say, did I give you
carbolic acid?

I'd love to.

SHEMP:
Put down a squirt
of haretad.

Spelled sidewards, it's, uh...

[CLICKING TONGUE]

How you spell this, uh...?
[CLICKS TONGUE]

That's right, put it down.

Yeah.

Hiya.

[STOOGES YELP]

[ALL GROAN]

Colonel, what does this mean?

It means you captured
three imposters, you dunderhead.

This is Professor Sneed.

Yes, and unless you give us
that formula at once,

you, your daughter
and your friends

all will be sh*t.

I'm sorry, but I'm afraid
I can't help you.

You see, general, my father
has a very poor memory.

I've got a little booklet here:

How to Train Your Memory
in Five Easy Lessons.

Pardon me. Quiet.
Ooh.

Thank you.

Don't point.

[WHIMPERS]

Perhaps a night in the dungeon
will refresh your memory?

Take them away.
March.

March.

So you try to fool me, huh?

Imposters.
One moment, Captain Rourke.

[CHUCKLES]
How stupid of me.

Private Rourke.

[GRUNTING]

I was in error giving you this.

But not this:

Low man again.

Say, Moe,

do you think the professor
will give in?

Not for us he won't.

It's all over but the sh**t'.

[SHEMP & LARRY GROAN]

Put out your hand
when you go up a sidestreet.

Oh, you mean like this:

No, like this:
Oh. Ooh!

Go on.

LARRY: I got my hand.
MOE: No, I got the hand.

What is it?
What's the matter with you?

Go ahead.
SHEMP: All right.

[ALL BABBLING]

[FEET SCRAPING OVERHEAD]

That pacing is driving me mad.

I wish we could do something
to help the poor fellows. I...

Thank you.

What's the matter?
Oh, I hate to say it,

but if you don't tell the
general what he wants to know,

this will be your last meal.

Oh, I don't think
it's as bad as all that.

Maybe he's just bluffing.

Oh, no,
he's not bluffing. He's...

WOMAN:
Oh, you're awfully sweet
to be so concerned about us.

But you mustn't worry.

Oh, you're so much handsomer
when you smile.

Oh, shucks, I...

I knew it, dimples.

[LAUGHS]

You know,
you ought to be in pictures.

You'd make a wonderful
leading man.

I'll bet your hair is curly.

Natural.
No.

Yes.
Ohhh.

It's beautiful.

[CHUCKLES]

Oh, gosh, well...

I gotta go now.
Please change your mind.

I like talking to you.

I didn't see...

Didn't hurt me none.

[CRASHING]

Wait.
We can't go without them.

What's that?

It's a message. Yes?

In code.
Yes, yes.

I've got it.
What's it say?

"Knock-knock,
knock-knock, knock-knock."

You left one out.
Oh, yeah?

Oh!
Shh, shh.

[WHISPERING]
Hello up there.

We have keys to unlock our cell.

The keys? Good.
We'll be right down.

[LARRY & SHEMP GROANING]

What's the matter?
Wise guy.

How are we gonna get
right down there?

That rocket stuff.

If it'll
burn a hole in the table,

it'll burn a hole in the floor.

You know, he's the most
intelligent imbecile I ever saw.

Hey, how about me?
Oh, you're much smarter.

You're just an imbecile.

Here it is, fellas.
Get busy and make that hole.

We'll watch the door.
Come on.

[CRACKLING]

[LARRY GROANS]
WOMAN: Oh. Oh.

Are you all right?

[YELLS]

Seize him.

[GRUNTING]

Come on.
Attaboy. Okay.

[YELLING]

Come and make up your mind.

[YELLING]

[STOOGES GRUNTING]

[YELLING]

[GROANING]

[STOOGES GRUNTING]

[SHEMP GRUNTING]

SHEMP:
m*rder. My neck.
You're k*lling me. My neck.

Oh!
See if you like that.

[YELLING]

[STOOGES GRUNTING]

Oh, stubborn, eh?

Why, you... Ooh!
[WOMAN GASPING]

[MUTTERING]

Wait, you're k*lling me.

I'll give up. Let go.

[BOTH GRUNT]

[GROANING]

[ALL YELPING]

[BOTH SPEAK GERMAN]

[GRUNTING]

SHEMP:
Whoa! Let me at 'em!
Hold the guards!

Don't let em...!
Come back here!

Stop it. Pull! Help!

Pull! Help! Pull!

Help!

Help!
What's the guard's name?

Oh!
Help!

BOTH:
Help!

Quick, get in the jeep.

MOE:
We'll make a dash for it.

All right, start her up.

[ENGINE STARTS]

[ENGINE FALTERS]

MOE: It's empty. We're cooked.
Oh, no, we ain't!

SHEMP:
I got the stuff.
I got the stuff.

Hey, wait a minute.
That ain't gas.

It may not be gas,
but it packs an awful wallop.

Stop them! Shoo!

Whoa!
Aw, come on. Come on.

[CHATTERING IN GERMAN]

[♪♪♪]