21x02 - Musty Musketeers

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

Whoa, Sue.
Whoa.

Whoa, Sue.

MOE:
Anchors away!

Let's go.
Come on.

♪ Oh ♪
♪ Oh ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ A calling we do come ♪

♪ To woo our maidens fair ♪

♪ We bring them flowers
And while away hours ♪

♪ But get ye not
In their hair ♪

Quiet.
Ooh, ooh.

Oh.

Oh, a thousand pardons.

GIRLS:
Ooh!

STOOGES:
Ooh!

Hold now, fair damsels,
'tis courting we come.

[UNISON]
Indeed, indeed,

'tis courting we need.

[UNISON]
Wouldst be my wife
and marry for life?

Zoot. That's real George.

Dig that crazy talk, man.

[CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]

Truck it on down there...

Wait.
We must away to the king

and ask permission to marry
these lovely damsels.

[ALL GRUNT]

Hold it.
Please holdeth thy...

SHEMP:
Oh, oh, let go.
Let go.

Ow, ow, ow...

What a swell joint-a.

A marriage plea, Your Majesty.

Your Royal Majesty,
we pray permission

to wed our sweethearts
forthwith.

If not forthwither.

Permission granted,

but not until
after Princess Alicia

has wed Prince Gallant
of Rhododendron.

But, sire,
when will that be-eth?

When the flowers bloom
in the spring, tra-la.

[LAUGHS]

The spring.
The spring.

Tra-la.

[WHISPERS]
Gadzooks, I planned to marry
the princess myself,

and someday rule this kingdom.

Well, why not, Your Grace?
Huh?

My soldiers could...

Father, I beg leave.
KING: Granted.

[UNISON]
A toast to thee,
oh noble king,

for giving us grant
to wed in the spring.

Thou art a matzo-head.

Ooh. Ooh!

See-eth this?

Ouch-a. Ouch-a.

Your Majesty, Princess Alicia
has been abducted

by some knaves
I did not recognize.

Call out the guards.

Notify the FBI.

FBI?
Yes.

Flannagan, Branagan
and Izcovitch, detectives.

Oh, woe is me.

Shempeth, Larryeth,

we must rescue the fair princess

or we cannot wed.

Indeed, indeed,
but make thee haste.

To horse, to horse.

We shall scour the countryside.

Wait, our steed is not shod.

Sue has not a shoe.

Then we will shoe Sue,
for if Sue has no shoe,

a-shoeing Sue we must do.

[IMITATES FANFARE]

They're off-eth.

Blacksmith.

Blacksmith. Blacksmith.

Blacksmith, where art thou?

Wait a minute.

"Gone to rest under
the spreading chestnut tree.

Will Idge, Blacksmith."

Shempeth, get yon bellows
and keep the forge red hot.

We'll shoe Sue ourselves.

Larryeth, stoke yon fire,
I'll help thee.

DEEP VOICE:
B.O.

B.O.

B.O.

Whew. Your best friend
should tell thee.

Shaketh a leg with yon bellows.

Fanneth me with a breeze
from yon bellows

lest I suffocate from the heat.

Nay, but I cannot.

Pump yon bellows, varlet, pump.

[GRUNTS]

See-eth?

Giveth it to me.
Thou art a lame brain.

Stoppeth this nonsense.

Hath thou forgotten
the princess?

Aw, buttoneth up thy lip.

[BLOWS]

Strange. There was water
just a second ago.

[LAUGHS]

[GASPS]

[PLAYS MELODY]

[CLANK]

Maketh haste, and get some
hot horseshoes from yon forge.

Time marcheth on.

[CLANKING]

Take this hammer
and b*at the shoe.

Nay, I have not the heart
to b*at an innocent shoe.

Thou art a dumb cluck.

[CLANK]
Oh.

Ah!

[SHOUTING]

Ah.

Ahh...

[CRUNCHING]
Oh, ah, ah.

You bringeth Sue forward.

Larryeth, you helpeth him.

LARRY:
That's a girl, Sue.

That's a girl.
That's it.

Shempeth, lift the mules foot
and pass it to me.

Okay-eth.

Suzy, lift your leg now.

Come on, Suzy, lift your leg.

Don't be stubborn.
Come on, Suzy.

[GRUNTS]

Lift your leg, Sue.

[SCREAMING]

Idiot. Thou hast made me
shoe the wrong mule.

Hold still.

Hold still, now.

[CREAKING]

Oh!

[SCREAMING]

I think you didst that
on purpose.

Quiet. See that?
Yes.

[CLANK]
Ooh! Ooh!

[GROANING]

[BRAYING]

Let-eth a man show you
how to shoe Sue.

Hm.

I will fix thee, wise guy.

This hammer will hold
thy tail down.

Yes, sir, smarty cat.

Giveth me thy foot, giveth me.

[CLANKING]

Moe-eth.

[ALL GROANING]

Where are we?

Let's get out of here.

Let's find out.

[LAUGHTER]

Quiet, lads. Quiet.

We must listen
for the signal bell.

Then we will push
the princess up the ladder

into the magician's box.

[ALL LAUGH]

So they've got the princess.
We've got to do something.

Yeah, but they're heavily armed
and they outnumber us.

Let me at 'em. I'll tear
'em limb from limb.

Let me at 'em.

Well, what's keeping you?
Me.

Go on.

Think.

Then it is agreed, Your Majesty,

that if I recover
the Princess Alicia,

through my magic,
I may have her hand in marriage?

Yes, yes.

Just bring back
my daughter unharmed.

Your Majesty will observe
that the box is quite empty.

Now then, Your Majesty,

I will take my magic robe

and with the three magic words:

Abracadabra,

abracadabra,

abracadabra.

Now then, Your Majesty.

[SLIDE WHISTLE PLAYS]

Now, Your Majesty,
watch yon box closely

and I will perform my magic.

I will take yon maiden

and saw her in half

and in her stead
will appear the princess,

completely unharmed.

Observe.

[GRUNTS]

[GRUNTS]

[GRUNTS]

I got it, I got it.

BOTH: What?
A terrific headache.

Ooh.
Get out, you.

Listen, we've got to use strag...

We've got to use... Strategy.

Who's askin' you?
Ooh. Ooh.

Get out of here.

Listen, this is what
we got to do:

[INAUDIBLE WHISPERING]

[MEN LAUGHING]

Nyah-nyah.

Nyah-nyah.

[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]

Fear not, princess,

I, Shempeth, shall release thee.

Scrameth, princess, scrameth.

[LAUGHS]

Ah, now to quencheth my thirst.

Greetings.

Why you...

[CHATTERING]

The princess...
The princess is gone.

Take these miserable wretches
to the dungeon

and we'll do away with them.

[SOLDIERS WHISTLING]

Hey, come on.

Oh.
Get out of there.

Quick, upeth the ladder.

Water, water.

Upeth the ladder.

[SIGHS]

T'was a narrow escape.

I think we're safe in this box.

[GRINDING]

[GROANING]

[GROANING]

Why, you nitwit, you...

Shh-shh. Shh.
Shut up. Shut up.

[CHUCKLES]

Oh, sire.

My daughter, bringeth her forth.

Patience. I now take
these swords,

for my magic is the greatest,
and I plunge it in the box.

Larry, helpeth me.

Shh.

[GRUNTS]

[GROANS]

[GRUMBLES]

Oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

[STOOGES GROANING]

They got me, they got me.

Oh, no blood.
No blood.

[LAUGHS]

Father.
Daughter.

Mergatroyd is the culprit.

He had me abducted.

Why you... [GROANING]

Abduct her, eh?

Ow! Ow!

Ahh!

Ow! Ow!

Guards! Guards!

Taketh him away.

Fools, these are my men.

Then lay on.
LARRY: Lay on.

I ought to bludgeon you.

[LAUGHS]

Oh, yeah?

Where is my sword?

Eh, let me have a sword.

Why...

[YELPS]

Oh, t'was an accident,
Your Majesty.

Oh!

Oh, coppin' a sneaker, eh?

[CRUNCHING]
[GROANS]

Why, you...

Get-eth him, lad.

Cleave him asunder.

I'll k*ll you to pieces.

Why...

[YELLS]

[GROANING]

[LAUGHS]

Why, you...

Throw away thine sword.

Hit him with thine fist.

You miserable little...

In the labonza.
In the labonza.

An upper cut. An upper...

[GROANS]

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

Why, you...

[GONGS]

Hold this.

[GONGS]

[GONGING]

Moe-eth, art thou okay?

Ow. He is okay.

[GONGS]

Wait a minute, Moe.
Purely an accident.

Oh, wait...

Wait-eth, Moe, hurt me not.

Moe-eth.
Shempeth.

Larryeth?

Tillyeth.
Millyeth.

Lillyeth.

[CUCKOO SINGING]

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