13x02 - A Bird in the Head

[bunniefuu]

[♪]

Okay, men.
Unload and get to work.

Oh.

Hey, Curly.
What?

Why, you.

[WHIMPERING]

I'll m*rder you.

Gee, it's the boss.

Hurry, get this.

Hiya, Mr. Beetle.

Hi, boys.

Well, you seem
to have everything.

So do a good job.
Yes, sir.

[LAUGHING]

Say, uh, you sure you men
are experienced paper hangers?

Experienced?
Sure we are. You go right ahead.

You won't know the joint
when you get back.

The master
wishes to see you.

Oh, the professor?
Sure. Sure.

You wanted
to see me, professor?

Yes. How soon
will your men be through?

I have important work to do.
They'll be through in a jiffy.

Good.

What size hat do you wear?
May I ask?

Well, a hat?

Well, seven and a half.
Why?

Tsk, tsk. Too large.

Oh, just a little
joke of mine.

[LAUGHTER]

Uh-- Sorry you're leaving, Mr.
Beetle. We'll expect you back.

Yes, I'll come back soon.
I gotta come back tomorrow.

[GROWLS]

It isn't safe to have
Igor in here, Niko.

Take him
to his room.

Yes, master.

May I ask why you had
him brought here?

Because, through Igor,
I'm going to become famous.

Igor, the beast
of the jungle,

is going to have
a human brain.

He would have one tomorrow if
I could find one small enough.

What size hat
do you wear, Niko?

Six and three quarters.

Oh, not quite
small enough, Niko.

Ah, too bad.

Yes, master,
too bad.

Yes.

[YELLS, GRUNTS]

Oof!

Why, you.

Oof!

Oh, I-I didn't mean
to talk rough to you. Heh-heh!

Go on.
Get the ladder away.

[HUMMING]

[WHIMPERS, WHINES]

[CONTINUES SINGING]

[GROANS]

You bubble brain. Stand
that plank up out of the way.

[WHINES]

[WHINES]

Hey, I thought I told you
to get that plank up there.

Wise guy.
I'll plank him.

I can see if I want
anything done around here,

I gotta do it myself.

Oh, Larry.

Come here.
I got something special for you.

Yeah?
What is it?

This. Why--

[BOTH GRUNT]

Hey, we better get busy.
He's plenty sore.

[WEAKLY]
A blockbuster.

Okay, let's go.

[FRUSTRATED WHINE]

Hey, that paste is lumpy.

Yeah.

Say, this wallpaper's
got eyes.

This face looks like Moe.
It is Moe.

Yes, it is me.

Get busy,
you jugheads.

We got a lot of work
to do.

BOTH:
Nahhh! Oof!

Now, go on.

Go on.

Oh, no.

No.
Hi, Mr. Beetle.

I told you
we'd do a good job.

Oh, no.

No.

No. No.

Well, this is silly.
This is silly.

It can't be.
It can't be.

Oh, yes, it is.

I said you wouldn't
know the joint.

You.

I thought you said you were
experienced paper-hangers.

Well, you're fired.

You're not only fired, I'm
gonna tear you limb from limb.

CURLY:
Hey, quick.

[DOOR CLOSES]

Oh, a swap shop.

Quiet, birdbrain.

[WHISPERS]
Birdbrain.

Beautiful.

Mmph!

Gentlemen,
I am Professor Panzer.

I can use you.

Fine. We can use a job.

We just resigned.

Oh, perfect. Perfect.
Ha-ha. Yeah.

Somebody's nuts
around here.

It ain't us.

Oh, no,
the heart does not matter.

It's the head.

The head.

Maybe he's a headhunter.

If he's a headhunter,
he's hunting small game.

[RHYTHMIC TICKING]

Practically unoccupied.
Wonderful.

Say, I don't have
to stand for this.

Wait a minute, professor.
I'll take care of him.

What are you trying
to do,

ruin our chance
for the job?

Ooh!
Ooh, not in the head.

Mmph!

Ooh.

[MUSICAL SCALE PLAYING]

[OFF-KEY NOTE PLAYS]

Wait a minute.

[RATCHETING]

[NOTE PLAYS]

Perfect.
He's just what I want.

Say, what do we get?

Yeah, what do we get?

Gentlemen,
if you remain here,

you will be surrounded
by luxury as long as you live.

Oh, boy.
Oh, boy.

Suppose
we don't live long?

Quiet, stupid,
or I'll knock your brain out.

Did you hear
what he said?

Silly, wasn't it?

Yes, silly.

[LAUGHS EERILY]

[ALL LAUGHING]

Come with me, gentlemen.
I'll show you to your rooms.

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

Well, gentlemen,
here are your quarters.

Oh, two bits apiece.

I trust
you'll be comfortable.

Boy,
what a beautiful joint.

[LOCK CLICKS]

It's locked.
How do you like that?

[ANIMAL GROWLING]

What's that?
It ain't the crooner.

I don't like this setup.

How did we get into
this thing?

The man liked my looks.

Nyuck, nyuck,
nyuck, nyuck.

And he said he would
keep us in--

Wh-what's that word?
Luxury.

--luxury as long
as we lived.

As long as we--
As long as we--

Ah-ah-ah-ah!
Let's get out of here.

Prisoners.

Wait a minute.
Let me try this.

Look out,
I'll get it down.

No use.
It's too strong.

We gotta find some way
out of here.

There's no telling what the
professor's got roaming around.

Yeah, the doors are locked,
the windows are barred,

and I don't like it
if you ask me.

Well,
nobody asked you.

Yes, sir.

There's liable to be almost
anything running around in here.

Not that I'm scared,
mind you.

Panzer can't bluff me.

I don't scare that easy,
that's all.

Me either.

It's silly
to be scared.

Yeah.
Sure.

Boy, am I silly.

[PANTS]

Don't breathe down my neck.
I don't like it.

Ooh!

[PANTS]

It's all right
for you to do it?

Do what?
Breathe down my neck.

Onions too.

You're crazy.

Stop it.
You tickle me.

Who?
You.

You're both nuts.

[PANTS]

Hey, Curly.

H-h-have you got
a fur coat on?

No.

But he has.

[WHIMPERS]
[GROWLING]

[GIBBERING]

[ALL WHIMPER]
Take it easy. Help!

ALL:
Oh! Ooh!

[CONTINUES GIBBERING]

ALL:
Ow! Ooh! Ow! Ooh! Ow! Ooh!

[ALL WHIMPERING]

Come on.
Help! Help!

Let us out of here!
Out of here!

[ALL WHIMPER]

[YELPING]

Come here, please.

Stand behind
the screen.

Lucky guy
gets a screen test.

[MACHINERY WHIRRING]

Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo!

It's a bird.

Sure, a bird in the head's
worth two in the bush.

PANZER:
Wonderful.

You've all seen Igor,

a gorilla,
the beast of the jungle.

The next time
you see him,

he will have the brain
of a human being.

You wanna make a quiz kid
out of him, doc?

It was very difficult to find
a brain puny enough

to put into the skull
of Igor.

But now the search
has ended.

Where you gonna get
this undersized brain?

[LAUGHING EERILY]

[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]

Beautiful.

Let's go.
Let's get out of here.

Why, you-- Whoa!

Ouch! Ouch!

Ha-ha-ha!
You fall down.

[WHIMPERS]

Eeeeee!

Shut up.
This is no time to be singing.

But, Moe. Moe.

Shut up, I said.

Mmph! But, Moe.

Shut up!

[GROWLING]

[BOTH WHIMPERING]

[WHIMPERS]

[COOING]

I'll bet you do that
to all the boys,

especially if you're
gonna get their brain.

[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]

Hey, he's gonna
grab Curly.

Yeah, we better
do something.

He'll take him to the lab,
won't he?
Yes.

Well, we'll ambush him.

Then we'll "infilterate" him.

Then we'll give him
the old pincers movement.

Wait a minute.
Save that for him.

Okay. Okay.

Recede.

I know, boy. I know, boy.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

[GIBBERING]

[DOOR CLOSES]

[KNOCK ON DOOR]
Who is it?

It's me, Curly.
Open up.

Argh!
You monkey.

Why did you bring
that a-a-ape in here for?

Get him out of here.
No, he's my pal.

[GIBBERING SADLY]

Five o'clock shadow.

Remind me, you gotta
shave in the morning.

They're locked
in the laboratory, the fools.

I'll use
the secret entrance.

Get the g*n.
Yes, master.

[GLASS SHATTERS]

Hey, you're smart.

[GLASS SHATTERING]

Hey, cut it out.

What's the big idea,
egghead?

He's my pal.
He don't like people to hit me.

I'm sorry, pal.
I apologize.

Is this
what you mean?

Why, you--
Ungh!

I was only kidding him, gaggy.
Honest, I like it.

Look, go ahead.
Do it again.

[GRUNTING]

Now I'll fix them.

[SNIFFING]

[LIQUID GLUGGING]

[SLIDE WHISTLE PLAYS]

[THUD, GURGLING]

[SLIDE WHISTLE PLAYS]

[THUD]

No, you don't.
This stuff is bad for you.

It'll make a monkey
out of you every time.

Listen to
that monkey talking.

[LIQUID GLUGGING]

[SLIDE WHISTLE PLAYS]

[THUD, GURGLING]

[SLIDE WHISTLE PLAYS]

[HICCUPS]

Don't move,
any one of you.

Hey, look out.
That thing's liable to go off.

It will go off.

I'm going to k*ll you.

Have you anything
to say before you die?

Yeah. Have you got a permit
from the OPA?

[HUFFS]

Ungh! Igor, Igor!

Igor. Igor. No, no.

[ALL WHIMPER]

Oh!

[ALL GRUNT]

[♪]