13x06 - Three Loan Wolves

[bunniefuu]

[♪]

Hi, Daddy.

ALL:
Hi, son.

Which one of you guys
are really my dad?

ALL:
I am.

There's somethin' fishy
about this,

and I want the lowdown.

Now, come clean.
Where did I come from?

Well, you see, son,
it was like this.

It happened
several years ago.

You were an eensy-peensy,
teensy-weensy,

schmeensy, uh...

Ohh!
What's the idea?

I was just about to play
"Comin' Through the Corn."

You mean "Rye."

The way I play it,
it's "Corn."

Break it up.

How much money
did you loan on this junk?

Cheap.
Fifty dollars.

That's a genuine
Stratosphere.

Stratosphere?
Yeah.

Play some air.

[PLAYING "THE OLD OAKEN BUCKET"
OUT OF TUNE]

Isn't that beautiful?

That's "The Old Oaken Bucket"
I'm playing.

Hm, sounds like it.

Yeah.

Where'd the water
come from?

From the old
oaken bucket.

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

[GASPS]
And you, maestro,

you get over there
and play that bull fiddle.

And no
"Old Oaken Bucket."

Why, certainly, certainly.

You ain't heard
nothin' yet.

[SILENCE]

That's funny. I ain't heard
nothin' yet, either.

Nyah!

Another Stratosphere
you bought.

Well, this--

That's a fine way
to throw our money away!

Don't you look at merchandise
before you hand it out?

You nitwit.
I'll bash your brains out!

Oh!

I'm sorry, sir.

These two bullies were
attacking me with poison gas.

Say,
that's the guy

that sold me
this fake bull fiddle.

You're dreamin', bub.
I'm Butch McGee,

president of the Gashouse
Protective Association.

You're new around here,
ain't you?

Yeah, we just
inherited this place

from our Uncle Tom.

Good. That'll be
berries a week or...

Or what?
Pineapples with TNT!

Millions for defence,

but not one cent
for tribute,

and we're pretty tough
ourselves.

MOE:
Watch this, shorty.

They call me Mickey Moe,
the murderin' masseur.

I'll show you some mayhem.
Ha-ha-ha.

[CHUCKLES]

Oh-ho!

Oh-ho!

Ow!

Ow!

Ooh-hoo! Ooh-hoo!

Oh, oh!

Good work, Moe.
Boy, he's tough.

Ah,
that's baby stuff.

Let me show you
the real McCoy.

Ooh! Mm! Mm!

Ah! Ah!

Whoa!

I was just toyin'.

You'd better come across
with the dough.

Now I'm mad!

So what?

So I ain't that mad.
Heh-heh.

You wait here,
I'll really get mad.

[BARKS]

Watch me.

[LAUGHING]

[FRUSTRATED WHINE]

[LAUGHING]

Oh.

Go get him!

So a tough guy,
eh?

Get smart with us,
will you?

Well, we'll show you.

You're in the wrong
alley here.

Up you go.

Here's your old hat.
It don't fit me anyway.

Yeah. Open your mouth.
There you are.

Nice little baby, now, huh?
Real tough boy.

You're not so tough,
little baby.

Here's your
berries.

Hey, Butch.

What are you doin' here?

The cops are on our trail,
Butch.

Yeah?

Say, what's the idea
of the kid?

That's my sister's kid.

I figured the cops would never
look for Molly the glamour girl

with a baby in her arms.

It worked.

Smart gal, but we can't
take it on the lam

luggin' a baby around.

You'd better return it
to your sister.

I don't dare. The cops
are watchin' the house.

They'd nab us sure.

Yeah, that's right.

I got it. Take the kid
over to that hock shop

and leave it with them saps.

Your sister
can pick it up later.

We'll mail her
the pawn ticket.

Swell idea.

As long as I'm there,

I might as well hock
my diamond ring.

Yeah, them lunkheads

are liable to fall
for that hunk of glass.

I'll meet you at Joe's.
Hurry up, baby.

Hey, Larry, come here.

LARRY:
I can't. I'm busy.

Well, drop what you're doing
and come here.

Okay, if you say so.

Yeah?
What's the big idea?

You told me to drop
what I was doin', so I did.

Why, you...

Ha-ha. b*at me
to it that time.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Get out.

Curly and I
are going to lunch.

Don't lend any money
on anything till we get back.

Here, hang up this tuba.
Come on, Curly.

[HONKS]

How do you do, madam?
What can I do for you?

Oh, an offspring.

Goochie-goochie-goo!

Aw!
[GIGGLING]

Aw!

Goochie-goochie-
goochie-goo!

That's sweet.

[BABBLES]

Yeah.
Ha-ha! Aw.

[LARRY SPEAKS
IN BABY TALK]

[SNIFFS]

Goochie-goochie-goo!
Oh, ho-ho-ho!

[LARRY SPEAKING IN BABY TALK]

[LAUGHING]

Oh, my poor
little Egbert!

My hungry
little baby!

What's the trouble, lady?

He left me! My no-good
husband left me.

Me and little Egbert
without a home, without a cent.

All I have in the world
is this -carat diamond ring.

Could you let me have
on it?

[CHUCKLES]

Even his ring
was a fake!

The phony.

Oh!
What's the matter?

Oh. Please give me
a drink.

Sure.

Oh!

There you are--

Hm, Egbert,
shouldn't be a total loss.

I'll drink it myself.

[GULPING]

[WHISTLING]

[expl*si*n]

Ugh! Ugh! Tastes terrible!

Oof! I'll k*ll it
with a cigarette.

Mmph. Oh. Gosh.

Firewater.
Well, what do you know?

Oh, you sweet, you.

Ah, goochie-goochie-goo.
Ah, goochie-goochie-goo.

[GIGGLING]

[CRUNCH]

Oh, you cute thing.

Let me tell you
a bedtime story.

Let me see.

Once upon a time,
there were three bears.

Max Bear, Buddy Bear,
and Bugs Bear.

Now, bear in mind,
these bears were never bare,

because they ran around
in their bearskins,

but with
their bare feet.

So the three
little bears

went skipping
and frolicking

hither,
tither, and yither,

without their mither
and fither.

Skip, skip, skip, skip.

Pardon me, gentlemen.

How did that baby get here?

Business as usual.

What?!

I mean, the kid walked in
and asked for a match.

I said, "I don't smoke."

Look, it's cute.

Ooh.

What's the matter
with you?

How dare you strike a mother
with an infant in his arms.

Where is that kid's mother?

The bag left me
holding the babe.

What are we
gonna do with it?

Keep it for days.

If nobody calls for it,
it's yours.

Nyaah...

Get the kid a bottle.
A bottle?

Oh, a bottle, yeah.
Excuse me.

Hurry up. We'll take care
of it till you get back.

What'll you do
in case it cries?

We'll just
change its, uh,

position from one side
to the other.

You would think of that.
[BABY CRIES]

[CHUCKLES]
Beep, beep.

[CRYING]

Don't cry, baby,
don't cry.

Look at him.
Funny face, funny face.

Make funny ones,
don't scare him. Funny.

Like this. Look.

[BOTH SPEAKING GIBBERISH]

[CRYING]

[SPEAKING
IN MOCK JAPANESE]

[CRYING]

Look, baby, don't cry.
We'll make funny faces.

Look.

[BOTH GRUNT]

Bup-bup bup-bup.
Don't cry, baby.

[GRUNTING]
Bup-bup-bup-bup-bup.

Shh, shh, shh.
[CRYING STOPS]

Here's your bottle.

Oh, swell.
Got an opener?

There ain't one
around the place.

Well...

Close your eyes.

Open your mouth.

Depress your lower jaw.

Oh! Oh!

[SOBBING]

Wait a minute, you can't
give a baby beer.

But I can give him the bottle
when I'm through drinkin' it.

Yeah,
the beer's mine.

I want half!
Give it to me.

Give it to me!
I want it!

Give it to me.
Give it to me!

Give it to me!
Give it--

Gentlemen,
please, please.

Give it to me,

or I'll tear
your tonsils out!

You got it.

Yeah, so I did,
and you're gonna get it.

Ooh!
[LAUGHS]

Get out. Come on!
Ow!

Oh, oh!
All right.

Why, you nitwit.

Ooh!
And you.

Ow!

[CRYING]

That kid crying again.

Crying. I can't stand
crying, I tell you.

Wait a minute.
I'll quiet it.

You, you. That kid crying.
What are we gonna do with it?

I can't stand it.
It'll drive me nuts.

I got it.

Lock the baby in the safe,
and you won't hear it.

Good, but--

Why, you...
Ooh!

Hey, fellas, look,
I gave it a pacifier.

[BOTH GASP]

[CURLY LAUGHS]

Two-ounce brain!

Ooh!

Look out! The kid
might pull the trigger.

Don't be silly. I wouldn't
give a loaded g*n to a kid.

Did you examine it?

Sure. See, I--

Aah! What's the matter
with you?

That's liable to go off.

But it ain't loaded.
I'll show you.

[g*n COCKS]

[LAUGHING]

Why, you...

Your head's like--
Like a--

[LAUGHING]

You applehead. If you
hadn't taken the kid in,

we wouldn't have
all this trouble.

I'll mash your head
like a potato!

[BABY CRYING]

Go on, wash your ears.
Go on, get washed up!

[CRYING]

That crying again.
I can't take it.

Hey, applehead, come here.

Get that kid a bottle
with a nipple on it

and milk in it.
That's an order.

Aye, aye.

Aye, aye?
Aye, aye.

Aye! Aye! Aye!

[SPITS]

[SPITS]

[SPITS]

[BABY CRYING]

Quiet, little baby, quiet.

Quiet, little angel.

Quiet, angel,
or I'll break your neck!

Hey, Curly,
hurry up, will you?

I'm comin'.
Just a minute.

[BABY CONTINUES CRYING]

Here it is.

What's that?

The baby's bottle.

No, you got
a sliver of a brain.

I'll show you how it works.

Hm, that's funny.
I cut holes in it myself.

Nitwit.

There we are.

There,
nice little baby.

Right in your little mouth.
There you are.

Look at the little sucker.
Now he's happy.

And you. You had to make
nursemaids out of us.

If that kid's mother
don't get back soon,

I'm gonna turn it over
to the police.

So you thought you got rid
of me, eh, wiseguys?

Okay, boys,
give 'em the works.

Come here, you.
You're just my size.

Wait a minute.

[ALL GRUNTING]

[CURLY WHINING]

Oh! Mm!

Aah! Wait a minute!
Wait a minute! Wait a minute!

What for?

So I can hit you!

Why, you,
I'll show--

Yeah?

[GRUNTING]

Ow!

[WHIMPERING]

[LAUGHS]
Why, you--

[GRUNTING]

I'll drown you,
that's what I'll do.

Aah!

Why, I'll--

[GASPS]

Ow! Ow!

[CRACKING]
Oh! Aah! Oh!

[LAUGHS]
[GROANING]

[TROUSERS SIZZLING]

[SCREAMING]

[YELLING]

[PUFFS AIR]

Nice work.

Oh, boy! We got 'em!
Go phone the police.

Tell them to come after
this load of blubber.

Aye, aye.
Ooh!

And that's how it was,
son.

You see, the police came
and took them away,

but nobody
ever called for you.

Oh, so you just
moved in on me, eh?

I'm going to find
my mother.

Wait a minute, son!

This is all your fault.

You had to
take in kids, huh?

Oh. Oh! Oh!

[YELLING]

Aah! Oh!

Aah, my hair!
Ow! Aah!

[♪]