07x17 - Chapter One Hundred and Thirty-Four: A Different Kind of Cat

[bunniefuu]

[BETTY] To all the subscribers
ofThe Teenage Mystique,

something happened to me.

And I've read your stories and
watched so many people be wronged,

so I can't hold back any longer.

All I wanted to do was understand

my authentic self, my
desires, my place in the world.

Because of that, I was
forced to be a cheerleader,

I was put into therapy,

my private diaries were
read, I was demeaned.

I am not your mother anymore.

And then I was...

slapped.

[GRUNTS]

Well, I'm finally
going to tell the truth.

This is my manifesto, my book,

The Collected and
Expanded Teenage Mystique.

Every thought I've ever had, uncensored.

Only the truth will be
allowed in these pages.

The truth about being a teenager.

Our stories.

And if it burns this
small-minded town to the ground,

well, so be it.

So, how do you wanna do this?

Wanna go in first and I
mosey on in seconds later?

Absolutely not.

Veronica Lodge's signature
color may be purple,

but she is no shrinking violet.

So, come on.

Let's give these cubes
something juicy to goss about.

["COME ON" PLAYING]

- ♪ So young ♪
- ♪ So young ♪

- ♪ So fine ♪
- ♪ So fine ♪

- ♪ Won't you be mine? ♪
- ♪ Won't you be mine? ♪

♪ Oh, girl, come on ♪

♪ Whoa, we gonna have a lot of fun ♪

♪ You just wait and see ♪

♪ Just wait and see ♪

- ♪ Oh, I like ♪
- ♪ I like ♪

- ♪ The way you smile at me ♪
- ♪ The way you smile at me ♪

♪ Come on ♪

♪ Girl, come on ♪

♪ Whoa, we gonna have a lot of fun ♪

♪ You just wait and see ♪

Wowza.

I've never had so many
peepers on me at one time.

Well, if it's any consolation,

I haven't gotten this much attention

since I arrived to school
wearing my sexy witch costume.

Sexy witch costume?

Jughead Jones.

Do you have a thing
for sexy teen witches?

Well, yes.

[CHUCKLING] Yes, I do.

But I also know a boss
idea when I hear one,

and sexy teen witch is a very boss idea.

Hmm. Well, glad to
have inspired something.

Catch you later, alligator.

So, what do you think,
Mrs. Grundy? [CHUCKLES]

[MS. GRUNDY] Archie...

This latest poem is...

Excellent.

It's so much more mature
than your earlier work.

- It's like you grew up overnight.
- I...

- What happened?
- I...

I... I watched the
sunrise like you suggested.

Among other things. [CHUCKLES]

Well, keep doing whatever
it is you're doing.

Well, I am definitely going back.

I will definitely do that.

Just keep at it, like you said.

[BELL RINGS]

["FINE LITTLE BABY" PLAYING]

♪ Well ♪

♪ My baby boogies when
the sun is shinin' ♪

♪ She likes to make it
and there ain't no time ♪

♪ When she do, do what she do ♪

- [VOCALIZING]
- Good morning, class.

[CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY]

♪ Knock him dead ♪

♪ Bye-bye, bye ♪

♪ Well, it's a fine little girl ♪

[VOCALIZING]

[JULIAN] Come on. You're
yanking my chain, Mantle.

Shh!

Cool it. Not so loud.

You and Andrews?

At the same time?

- [VENDING MACHINE RATTLING]
- Andrews.

Is it true?

You and Reg took a ride on
the town bicycle, Twyla Twist,

and you're going back for seconds?

[CHUCKLES]

[WHISTLES]

[BETTY] And another thing, dear readers,

I am sick of the double standard

that celebrates boys for
their sexual conquests

and punishes girls for wanting the same.

- [GASPS]
- Cheryl, I'm sorry.

What are these?

Hey, those pictures are amazing.

Are they from a private
collection of yours?

I could try and spin some story, Betty,

but I'm tired of lying.

The truth is, I am going
steady with Toni Topaz.

Oh. Oh.

Yeah, well, that makes sense.

And just try to use it against
me, I double-dog dare you.

Oh, Cheryl. Don't worry. I...

I'm the Girl Next Door.

I write The Teenage Mystique.

What? I love The Teenage Mystique.

The Girl Next Door's advice is tops.

Oh.

It's an honor to meet you.

- Likewise.
- [CHUCKLES]

What are you doing with
those amazing pictures?

Honestly, I was going to submit
them to Femme-and-Inmagazine

to come out in the most unabashed way,

and blow the lid off of my
parent's world once and for all.

That's exactly what I'm trying to do

with the book version
of The Teenage Mystique.

Now that's radioactive, Betty.

It is. And, actually, a
story like yours and Toni's,

written by you in your words
would be swell to include.

Maybe accompanied by
some of those pictures?

I have to talk to Toni,

but, yes, Betty.

The pages of The Teenage Mystique

might just be the perfect forum

for our coming out to the world.

Oh, excellent.

And Cheryl,

do you think you and
Toni would be willing

to take pictures like yours of...

Of me,

possibly, for my book cover?

Absolutely.

We can do a photo session.
Then you can pick your favorite

and I can turn it into a
luxurious, supple oil painting

for your book's cover.

[BELL CHIMES]

[VERONICA] I have to tell you,

this is the bee's knees, Jughead.

I didn't realize you could draw too.

[JUGHEAD] Well, I'm no Ethel Muggs,

but I think this brain egg could
be the thing to save Pep Comics.

Mr. Fieldstone is looking
for a fresh breakout character

to get past the code and
bring in new readership,

and I think it's Veronica
the Teenage Witch.

[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]

Veronica, you're not
gonna believe who's here.

Miss Josie McCoy.

The famous chanteuse?

The founder of the Black
American Theater Project?

The newly minted Tony winner?

[CHUCKLES] In the flesh and fur.

To what do we owe this honor?

I've heard about your
theater, Miss Lodge.

- I've heard you're not afraid to shake things up.
- [CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

Well, I've built an entire
career out of shaking things up.

You may have heard I've been
working on a major motion picture.

Hush-hush, you understand?

I have heard rumors that your
Broadway smash, Going Uptown,

is being turned into
a movie musical. Yes.

The rumors are true.

A movie musical I wrote,
directed, produced, and starred in.

You've always been the
definition of a Renaissance woman.

Well, then, you know Josie
McCoy is a perfectionist.

This is my first motion
picture, you understand?

And I'm still in the middle
of my process, still tinkering.

Close friends have seen early cuts,

but I need to know how it plays
out in front of a real audience,

far away from the prying eyes of
my partners at Pasadena Pictures.

I don't need a bunch of
starched suits mucking things up

and second-guessing my
every creative choice.

Not until I have proof, positive, say,

filled-out questionnaires
from a test screening,

possibly at your theater, Miss Lodge.

If it's up to my standards.

[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING IN FILM]

[APPLAUDING]

[VERONICA] Can I just say

your movie is a surefire hit.

And you, Miss McCoy,

have made the leap to bona
fide movie star. Cheers.

But,

why bother with the test screenings?

Let's just have ourselves
a good old-fashioned

red carpet movie premiere and
blow the roof off this joint.

As I said, I'm still tinkering.

But why tinker with perfection?

You know how skittish
studio executives can be.

Unfortunately, all too well.

I have dealt with my fair share.

They're fear-driven creatures.

Exactly.

All right, then.

Let's give them the proof they need.

I know the drill.

We'll hand out surveys at
the end of our test screening.

Uh-uh, one moment.

Miss Lodge, your theater
might be up to snuff,

if slightly smaller than I'd hoped.

But I need to make certain
that the seats at my screening

- won't be filled with rubes and blue hairs.
- [CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

I need to get a lay of the land,

see if Riverdale's as hep a
town as I've been led to believe.

Oh, we're hep.

But don't take my word for it.

Kevin, Clay and I can show you around.

Why don't we meet up tomorrow
morning at : for a tour?

Eight in the morning? [LAUGHING]

Oh, no, no, no.

- I, my dear, am a creature of the night.
- [CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

I roll out of bed leisurely
and start drinking espresso

at : in the afternoon.

You will see me at dusk
and not a moment sooner.

Well, there are a few hotels in town,

but why don't you stay
with me at the Pembrooke?

It's sort of like The
Plaza. By way of the Dakota.

Can I take you there
and get you settled?

[CHUCKLES]

I like you, Miss Lodge.

I think we're going to get on just fine.

[CHUCKLING] Hi, Miss Twist.

I, uh, was hoping that maybe
we could see each other again.

Oh, yeah, I remember you now.

[BOTH CHUCKLING]

Well, you got it wrong, Red.

You see, Twyla is happy to
help a fella out of a rut.

She doesn't do long-term.

Especially not with puppy dogs.

Oh, but I...

really need the experience.

[TWYLA] If, that's the case,

Lord knows, there's got
to be some hot older mama

who would love to take a bite out
of a Red Delicious like yourself.

You dig?

["NO DOUBT ABOUT IT" PLAYING]

♪ No doubt about it ♪

[DOORBELL RINGS]

♪ Ooh, baby ♪

♪ I'll shout all about it ♪

♪ Tell the world you're mine ♪

[TONI] Okay. Are you ready?

Yes.

One, two, three.

[CHUCKLES]

So pretty. Okay, let's take two more.

♪ No doubt about it ♪

♪ Ooh, baby ♪

[CAMERA FLASHING]

Hey, Veronica, can I
talk to you for a second?

Word from the bird is
that Josie McCoy's in town,

and you might be bringing her to
the Dark Room's open mic tonight.

My, gossip travels fast
in this town, doesn't it?

If that's the case, my boy,
Fangs, here is going to perform.

If he and Midge are going to make
a go of it, he needs a big break,

one that Josie might be able to provide.

Do you think Miss McCoy would be willing

to pick up what I'm putting down?

Now I can't speak for
Miss McCoy, of course.

But if there's one thing
a star like her recognizes,

it's talent.

[ARCHIE] Good morning, Mrs. Grundy.

I brought you something.

That is so sweet. Thank you.

And Red Delicious is my favorite.

I, actually... I wanted to let you know

I'm performing a new poem I
wrote at the Dark Room tonight.

Yeah, I'd really be jazzed if you
could make it and hear it. [CHUCKLES]

Well, I'm touched that
you would think of me.

And yes, of course I will be there.

Anything for my favorite student.

[JUGHEAD] She's bewitching.
She casts spells.

Nothing harmful or offensive, of course.

But mostly, she's a high school student.

She goes to class, does her homework,

gets into romantic trouble.

You know, good old-fashioned,
wholesome, vampy, campy fun.

- What do you think?
- Well,

I think if she's going to stand
a snowball's chance in hell

of getting past the Tribunal,

we're gonna have to sand
the edges a little bit.

They hear the word "witch",

they're gonna be going for
their pitchforks, you know.

- Teenage witch.
- No, no.

I'm not saying we ditch the
concept. I'm just saying,

I don't know, make her a half-witch.

And you'll have to get
her out of this getup.

Too much cleavage.

- And make her a blonde.
- Blonde?

And you'll have to come up
with a new name, of course.

New name?

Yeah, Veronica? [SCOFFS]

Reminds me of Veronica Lake.

Too sexy, too dangerous, too, um, curvy.

Trust me, if you...

It's gonna pass muster with
those prudes over at the Tribunal,

nope, it has to be, uh...

Has to be something sweeter.

Yeah, I don't know. Magical.

[SIGHS]

Now, you pick the one you like
the most, and I will paint it.

That way, we'll get the exact look
you want for your book's cover.

What's the hiccup? Are you displeased?

No, I'm so glad that I'm coming out

as the voice behind
The Teenage Mystique.

I just can't help feeling
a little bit like a fraud.

Dressing in lingerie, writing about sex

when I haven't experienced anything

even remotely sexually
satisfying myself.

- [CHERYL] What do you mean?
- [SIGHS]

I mean...

Everyone I know is
having or has had sex.

And I'm the only teenager in the world

who can't seem to find
someone to go there with me.

Betty, you do know a woman doesn't

need anyone to be sexually satisfied?

She can...

do it on her own.

I did read about self-pleasure
in Kingsley's book,

but it wasn't exactly a how-to manual.

I see.

However...

This particularly illuminating
issue of Femme-and-Inmagazine

might be exactly what
the doctor ordered.

And I certainly don't mean Werthers.

Turns out, all a woman needs
to be sexually satisfied

is a bathtub, a bathroom
with a lock on it,

and...

Shall we say,

a helping hand?

[VERONICA] Veronica The Teenage
Witch is too sexy, you say?

I mean, he's not wrong.

I am cut from the same
cloth as Veronica Lake

and therefore, too provocative
for those feeble-minded censors.

It's their loss.

On top of which, I have
to figure out a new name,

something more magical.

Hey, did you happen to see
that Audrey Hepburn picture

that came out last year?

Her character had a superb name in that.

What was that movie called again?

Sabrina.

Audrey played the title character.

Sabrina.

Yeah.

Yeah, that could be the ticket.

"In the bloom of Eden's
garden, the first transgression.

A simple apple, Eve learned her lesson.

Different garden, same temptation.

A young man seeking an education.

A teacher's pupil brings her apples,

and sinful thoughts
with which he grapples.

While she teaches, he
sits through classes

wondering how she looks

without those glasses."

[AUDIENCE MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY]

Jeepers, Archie, that
was kind of off the cob.

Better luck next time, champ.

Honestly, if that's what
passes for art in Riverdale,

I don't think this is going to work.

Just you wait, Josie.

There's another act coming up that
will have you positively purring.

[TONI] Well, it's official.

After that poem, this is the
iciest room on the Eastern Seaboard.

No worries, though.

Give it up for my boy, Fangs Fogarty.

- Whoo!
- [ALL APPLAUDING]

[PLAYING FUNKY MUSIC]

♪ You shake my nerves
and you rattle my brain ♪

♪ Too much of love drive a man insane ♪

♪ You broke my will ♪
♪ But what a thrill ♪

♪ Goodness gracious ♪
♪ Great balls of fire ♪

♪ I laughed at love 'cause
I thought it was funny ♪

♪ You came along ♪
♪ You moved me, honey ♪

♪ I've changed my mind ♪
♪ This love is fine ♪

♪ Goodness gracious ♪
♪ Great balls of fire ♪

[BETTY] The only person you
need to know how to please...

is yourself.

♪ Whoo, feels good ♪

♪ Hold me, baby ♪

♪ Well, I want to love
you like a lover should ♪

♪ You're fine, so kind ♪

♪ Come to tell the world that you're mine, mine ♪
♪ Mine, mine ♪

♪ I chew my nails then
I twiddle my thumbs ♪

♪ I'm real nervous but it sure is fun ♪

♪ Come on, baby ♪
♪ Drive me crazy ♪

♪ Goodness gracious ♪
♪ Great balls of fire ♪

♪ Well ♪

♪ Kiss me, baby ♪

♪ Whoo, feels good ♪

♪ Hold me, baby ♪

♪ Well, I still love
you like a lover should ♪

♪ You're fine, so kind ♪

♪ Come to tell this world that you're mine, mine ♪
♪ Mine, mine ♪

♪ I chew my nails then
I twiddle my thumbs ♪

♪ Real nervous but it sure is fun ♪

♪ Come on, baby ♪
♪ You drive me crazy ♪

♪ Goodness gracious ♪
♪ Great balls of fire ♪

[AUDIENCE CLAPPING]

[CHEERING AND WHISTLING]

[SIGHS]

What did I tell you?

- Hep, no?
- [JOSIE] Hmm.

Rock 'n' roll isn't my
genre, of course, but...

He has something.

Touch of star quality.
And that's more than most.

Let me ask you.

How is he on the bongos? Do you know?

To my knowledge,

there is no better bongo
player in Riverdale. Why?

["I'M A DIFFERENT KIND OF CAT" PLAYING]

♪ Have you heard that us females ♪

♪ Are a feline breed? ♪

♪ That kittens purr ♪

♪ According to its needs ♪

♪ That some cats will fall ♪

♪ For a Riviera ball ♪

♪ Or for the Taj Mahal ♪

♪ Mmm, or for anything at all ♪

♪ Like diamonds ♪

♪ Or a painted picket fence ♪

♪ But me, I make a
different kind of sense ♪

♪ I'm a different kind of cat ♪

♪ I like love ♪

♪ And that is that ♪

♪ I'm not Persian or Angora ♪

♪ I'm in a different category ♪

♪ I'm a... ♪

♪ Different kind of cat ♪

♪ I like love ♪

♪ And that is that ♪

[AUDIENCE CHEERING]

[VERONICA] Well...

It's almost done, Miss McCoy.
and we're all still here.

So what do you say?

Is Riverdale hep enough for a
test screening of Going Uptown?

[CHUCKLES] Let's do it.

Miss McCoy, at the risk of overstepping,

would you also possibly
consider attending

a meeting of Black
Athena at Riverdale High?

It would mean so much to our members
to meet a Black icon like you.

Well, I like the sound of that.

But what exactly is Black Athena?

It's a literary society I started

for the Black students
at Riverdale High.

Hmm. Well, now that's something
Josie McCoy can certainly get behind.

Archie.

Mrs. Grundy,

We didn't get a chance to
talk last night after my poem.

No, I had to rush home.

My husband was expecting
me for a late dinner.

Oh.

Okay. Well, what do you think?

I think we need to switch gears.

Love poems are all well and good,
but I would like you to branch out.

Okay... Sure.

Okay.

Anything you want, Mrs. Grundy.

I want you to write about pain.

Physical pain, emotional
pain, psychological pain.

"What is my most painful experience?"

And write about that.

And let's take young
heartbreak off the table.

As a topic, okay?

I was so inspired. I
stayed up all night.

So did I.

So was I. [CLEARS THROAT]

Do you hate it? I can adjust anything.

- The background?
- No, no, don't.

Don't... Don't change anything.

It's beautiful.

Silly goose.

You're beautiful.

[LAUGHING]

Kid, I gotta say, I love this.

I think you've struck gold
here. Sabrina the Teenage Witch.

Now that's a title.

I'm going to send this off to
the tribunal for review, stat.

But congratulations, kid.

I think this cutie patootie
half witch of yours is gonna

single-handedly save Pep Comics
from the dustbin of obscurity.

[CLAY] She's a woman who
needs no introduction.

Josie McCoy's impact
reaches beyond the stage

and into the very fabric of our culture.

I know you're all familiar with
the breadth of her incredible work,

but let's dive a
little deeper, shall we?

Tracy?

You are unapologetically
you, Miss McCoy.

But as someone representing,
well, all of us,

did you have to compromise
yourself along the way?

- First thing, Tracy?
- Yes.

You are not me, and I am not you.
And yet, we are all beautiful.

My darlings, our experiences as
Black people are multi-faceted

and rich and varied.

But none of us should have to
compromise ourselves for anything.

We cannot. Compromise is
not a word in my vocabulary,

nor should it be in yours.

I cannot help but give my
whole self to every performance

because the world deserves
every facet of my being.

Miss McCoy, a while back on a trip
to New York City, I was lucky enough

to see you as Lady Macbeth,
opposite Charles Clayton as Macbeth.

[LAUGHING] That was at my
theater in Harlem. I remember.

Mmm-hmm. And your performance
has stayed with me ever since.

You were so fierce and commanding,

yet, also vulnerable.

Oh, sweetie, that is the
only way I know how to be.

[ALL CHUCKLE]

Ferocious and vulnerable. All things
at once, and when I work, I bleed.

It's as simple as that.

That's what I try to
do at my typewriter.

I try to bleed, too.

[CHUCKLES]

Enough about Josie McCoy.

Tell me. Where did the idea for
the Black Athena club come from?

When I was in high school,
I would've crossed the Sahara

for a group like this.

Honestly, Josie, I started
this club because I was tired.

Plain and simple.

I was tired of this bogus
town telling me who I was.

Tired of treading water in
the Caucasian sea of opinions.

We all needed a haven.

And I know I wasn't the only one tired

of being told no by the gatekeepers.

- So we...
- So you bet on yourselves.

Mmm.

Yes, I can see that.

Yes, I certainly can.

All right, let's blow this out.

I want a full red carpet premiere.

All the bells and whistles.

Spotlights, velvet ropes.

The creme de la creme. My movie
is in your hands, Veronica.

But if Going Uptown isn't a hit...

If we invite the press and
they don't right -star raves,

it won't just be my
movie that disappears.

I disappear too.

I won't get a second chance.

And this film cost me everything.

What do you mean...

"cost you everything"?

I financed it myself.

When Going Uptownbecame
a Broadway hit...

When I, Josie McCoy made it a hit,
they wanted to turn it into a movie.

Of course, I was thrilled.

Until I found out that my part, the
part that I won a Tony Award for,

was being reconceived for Lana Turner.

No...

Yes.

It was a slap in the face.

Apparently, the powers that
be thought the silver screen

wasn't ready for Josie McCoy
and her Black, beautiful self.

So I scrounged up every penny I had.

I even mortgaged my brownstone
and I bought the rights

to Going Uptownout from under them,
and I made the damn thing myself.

I put everything I
had into this picture.

So the test screenings, the surveys,

weren't part of your process.

- They're going to be for...
- Studios.

If we tested well enough with Black
and white audiences in the sticks,

I thought that maybe... Maybe I
could convince one of the majors to...

To distribute Going Uptown.

Then why the change of heart
to hold the premier now?

Making Going Uptown, and
risking everything for it,

it's the most terrifying
thing I have ever done.

The studios. They don't think
I'm a movie star, but I know I am.

But Going Uptownwill have to
explode like an atomic b*mb.

Are you tuned in and
hearing my signal straight?

Josie, after the premiere
I'm going to throw you,

you are going to have a
bidding w*r on your hands,

which is exactly what a star
of your caliber deserves.

[FOGARTY] I hate not
being able to see you.

Or hold you.

But we're cooking with gas now, baby.

I performed for the Josie McCoy.

She's gonna hook me up with
her music producer in New York.

A real hotshot, Alexander Cabot.

k*ller Diller!

Oh, Fangs. That's peachy to the max.

I'm gonna get you out
of that crazy place.

We'll be together before you know it.

[JUGHEAD] They rejected Sabrina?

Yep. They kicked it
back and in record time.

Sabrina the Teenage Witch
just ain't gonna fly, kid.

Why? Did they say?

Yeah, they... They gave
my ears quite the bashing.

Objected to pretty much everything,

like, for starters, that she's a witch.

This is nuts.

Preaching to the choir,
kid, preaching to the choir.

- [SIGHS]
- You came up with something fun and whimsical,

and all they saw was witches, Satanism,

hocus pocus, and human sacrifices.

I know it's crushing, but shame on us.

We probably never should have
tried to launch a comic book

about witch in the
middle of a witch hunt.

[VERONICA] I'm so sorry, Jughead.

Sabrina The Teenage
Witch is a brilliant idea,

and I'm not just saying
that because I inspired her.

She's just ahead of her time.

Give it a few years.

Let the hysteria die down and
there will be no stopping her.

I just feel like Pep Comics
is sinking in quicksand.

Listen, if you're down in the mouth

and not in the mood for a premier,

I'd completely understand.

Are you kidding? This is
probably the only chance

I'll ever be invited to a Hollywood
premiere. I'm not going to miss it.

- The only thing is...
- You don't have a suit.

I barely have any clothes
without an S on them.

I thought we might run
into this predicament.

So I may or may not have taken
some precautionary measures.

Tailored exactly to your measurements.

I think you'll find nothing
but the best for my flutter bum.

Yowza.

Are you absolutely sure
you're not a teenage witch?

[CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING]

[ALL CLAPPING]

[JOSIE] Who's that sourpuss?

He's a notoriously surly but also
highly influential movie critic

from the WABE Journal.

Don't worry.

You and your movie are undeniable.

Here we go.

- [MUSIC PLAYING]
- [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]

What the hell is going on, you bozos?

Film got hot and split.

We need to splice it back
together and rethread it.

Have you snapped your
caps? We're gonna lose them.

- Who?
- The audience, Kevin.

The audience and the critics.

The spell has been broken.

You two are the worst
projectionists in the world.

You're fired, we're no longer friends.

And from now on you'll be paying
full price for movie tickets.

Everyone, calm down.

Once. I was mid performance
in Greenwich Village

when the club got raided by the fuzz.

But I still managed to
finish my performance.

We will get through this
if we don't fall apart.

You two, how long will it take
to splice my film back together?

I don't know. Five minutes?

Five minutes.

There are half a dozen critics out there

looking at their pocket watches,

wondering if they can catch
the next train out of Riverdale.

[ALL CLAMORING]

Hold your horses, folks. Where
do you think you're going?

All right. Now, why don't we sit
down and enjoy the excitement?

Well, they're fixing my film.

How long would it take
you to get a band together?

Fangs is here. So I'd
say about seconds?

Perfect.

Then I'll buy these
two the time they need

to get my movie fixed and running again.

[VERONICA] Who says motion
pictures are a frozen art form?

While my associates are making

Going Uptowneven more
fabulous than before,

here in the flesh,

performing the film's title number,

is Miss Josie McCoy.

- [PIANO PLAYING]
- Gentlemen.

♪ You're looking at a
female who has driven men ♪

♪ To homicide ♪

♪ "How?" must you ask? ♪

♪ Look at these beautiful legs ♪

♪ These legs were
built to drive men mad ♪

♪ Would you like to dance? ♪

When you look around the room,
look. Tell me, what do you see?

Imitations of imitations.

I invented myself.

♪ I'm a creature who
sacrificed love for her art ♪

♪ Why, you may ask ♪

♪ With these smoldering lips ♪

♪ Do you know what it's like
to taste such smoldering lips? ♪

♪ Would you like to find out? ♪

♪ But first are you going uptown? ♪

♪ Let's go ♪
♪ You lead ♪

♪ I'm ready for the big time ♪

♪ But what I need, I need I need ♪

♪ To return to the place ♪
♪ Where I used to belong ♪

♪ I hear you're going uptown ♪

♪ I hear you're taking me ♪

♪ You're taking me ♪

♪ You're taking me along ♪

[AUDIENCE CHEERING]

[FILM SCORE RESUMES]

I just saw Mr. Abrams off.

He's on the train back to New York.

And? Is it going to be a rave or not?

Now, Josie, you know these critics.

But I may have greased his wheels a bit,

and gotten a taste of what he's
going to publish in the journal.

Let's hear it.

First, the headline.

[CLEARS THROAT] "A star is born."

[CHUCKLES]

Would you like to hear
the opening paragraph?

Why not?

"Stop the presses.

An atomic b*mb exploded in Riverdale.

People will be talking about
it for the rest of their days.

Call the Oscars and tell them
that all of the major awards

will be going to Josie McCoy this year.

Miss McCoy, the genius creative
force and I do mean force,

behind Going Uptown,

has not only earned herself a seat

at the glorious table
that is Tinseltown.

She has commandeered the
whole damn restaurant."

This is really happening.

I'm not dreaming.

[VERONICA] Josie, it's not happening.

It happened. You made it happen.

And as far as I'm concerned, you
put Riverdale and the Babylonium

on the map tonight,
so thank you for that.

And by the way, there's one
thing this reviewer got wrong.

A star wasn't born tonight.

You've always been a star, Josie.

From the first second you drew breath.

You weren't even at the hospital.

[CHUCKLES]

You're not wrong though.

We make a good team, you and I.

Perhaps we should do this again.

I wonder, Veronica, if you're
not just treading water here,

managing a theater when what you
should be doing is making movies.

- Uh-huh. I see I've intrigued you.
- [VERONICA CHUCKLES]

That's what Josie McCoy does best.

[ARCHIE] Uncle Frank, what's going on?

Reggie, will you give us a minute?

What the hell is this?

Mrs. Grundy asked us to write about
our most personal and private pain.

"Overseas or in mountain marsh,
that's where you really are.

You have a plot of land here at home,

but you will always be
lost to me over there."

Writing poetry to get with
the girl is fine. I said that.

But writing about your father?

Exploiting his sacrifice for
our country, for our family?

No.

No! You will not sully
his memory like this.

What's wrong with me
writing about my dad?

I mean, I wish I could still
talk to him, but I can't.

At least this way...

Uncle Frank, stop!

Don't you ever write about
your father like that again.

Am I understood?

[BELL CHIMES]