06x06 - Savior Complex

[bunniefuu]

Chivalry. Maybe it's dead.

Depending on who you ask.

But is that really such a bad thing?

What started as a catchall

for honor, justice, all that good stuff

morphed into a catchall

for the gendered ideals of courtship.

But drawing from inspirational figures

like RBG and Ida B. Wells,

women started demanding
a seat at the table

and chivalry became about more
than who was holding the door.

Our generation has made a point to buck

these sexist norms that we
inherited from our parents.

You know, the ones that
were designed to uphold

the notions that men should protect

and provide for their women.

After you.

I insist. Please.

Okay. Fine.

Guess we'll...

all right.

The good news is, we've
blown up the old rules

our parents taught us.

But the bad news is, the
new rules are still TBD.

[SENSUAL MUSIC]

Oh, my God, this can't be happening!

She's fine.

sh*t! Can someone help me?

[KNOCKING AT DOOR]

- Andre, are you in there?
- [MUSIC SLOWS TO A STOP]

Uh, I'll be right there.

Um, I will be just a minute.

This will be quick.

Don't move. Please.

Sorry.

My laptop charger
fell behind my dresser,

and I've got this term paper due,

and my computer's at %.

Say less, girl. I got this.

You're a lifesaver.

And don't call me girl, boy.

Understood... friend.

- Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.

Now, let's pick up

where we left off...

Open retainer case.

Bonnet on.

Five-minute gratitude journal?

Damn it!

Moment's passed. I'm going to bed.

Is there anything that I can
do to bring the moment back?

I'm so sorry.

Maybe, like... okay.

Hey, uh... babe, can you...

can you turn the lights back on?

I... I can't find my jammies.

- Annika?
- Shh.

BOTH: ♪ Watch out, world ♪

♪ I'm grown now ♪

♪ I'm grown ♪

♪ Learn something new every day ♪

♪ I don't know so I'ma feel my way ♪

♪ Got the weight of the world on me ♪

♪ But no regrets ♪

♪ This is what I say ♪

BOTH: ♪ Watch out, world ♪

♪ I'm grown now ♪

♪ I'm grown ♪

♪ You can't tell me nothin' ♪

BOTH: ♪ My heartbeat is so loud ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Mama, look, I'm grown now ♪

♪ I'm grown ♪

♪ ♪

It's a little weird.

What you're saying is wrong.

No, no, no, no.

You sound like you're
from the Stone Age.

I'ma tell you, it's a little weird.

- Trust me.
- Okay.

We're gonna ask this
young gentleman right here.

- Please.
- What?

- He's gonna agree with me.
- What, what, what, what?

You're riding in the car with a woman.

This woman is driving the car.

She stops for gas, and...

- I pump.
- [GRUNTS]

What am I, a savage?

That's what I'm... put it right there.

Case closed. You pump.

If you're driving
with a woman, you pump.

Unless you're a... a child, the elderly,

or you have the misfortune
of living in New Jersey.

No, no, Sloane is a modern woman,

and she's just used to
doing things for her son.

- Son?
- He didn't say that.

He's joking.

Okay, yes. Cat's out of the bag.

Pig's out of the blanket.

Jordans out of the box.

Sloane got a kid.

[INHALES SHARPLY] That's very real.

- It's too much.
- I'm sorry, bro.

I know you really liked her.

Yeah.

RIP Sloane, man. She
had so much potential.

- She really did.
- She really did.

[SIGHS] You guys want to go hoop?

I'm down.

No. No. What?

I said she has a kid,
not a side ponytail.

Look, I... I really like her,

and I want to see where it goes.

It goes to parent-teacher conferences

- at years old, man.
- Mm!

Every Thursday to see Mrs. Susan.

Look, I have a year of maturity

and, uh, wisdom over you, Douglas.

And even I'm not ready for that, okay?

Okay, well, if this was a year ago, yes,

I would have told y'all to go tell her

that I d*ed in a parking
lot carnival accident, okay?

- I remember that.
- It was very me.

But now, I feel like my
life's on the right track,

and, uh, I'm ready
for something serious.

You know what?

I'm proud of you for
letting your heart lead.

- It's beautiful.
- Okay.

- Sure.
- [PHONE CHIMES]

There's a lot of growth
going on around here.

This is really good.

I just got an email from Dr. Itch-Bay.

- Dr. Ooh-Hay?
- Look at it. Dr. Itch-Bay.

Well, her name's Dr.
Edith Horne, all right?

The professor has paired us up together

because we're doing a project

focusing on student mental health.

And this Betty White-ass
lady has up and decided

what our project was gonna focus on,

without asking me, the
darling of the campus.

You gotta show her who the oss-bay is.

- All right?
- All right.

Sometimes I think I'm
outgrowing you guys.

[RHYTHMIC HIP-HOP MUSIC]

♪ Well, she a bad mama-jama ♪

♪ Watch how she move when
she pose for the camera ♪

♪ Dancing on the table,
there goes all her manners ♪

[CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING]

♪ She a bad, bad mama jama ♪

Hey. Yo.

Baby's first photo sh**t!

Hi. Thank you for coming.

Also, I don't want to hear a word

about my feminism going
out the window, okay?

- I got you. Mm.
- I'm still new to this

and I don't know if people
are, like, giving me attitude

or if they're just serving.

- Who?
- I don't know. I don't know.

Can you just hype me up?

- Hype me up.
- I got you. I got you.

I'll be like a... like
a soccer mom, but louder.

- Whoo-whoo!
- Yes.

Also, will you cosplay as my manager?

Because I've been putting off
signing this contract all day.

I don't know what any
of these words mean.

I would love to.

Oh. Likeness rights in perpetuity?

No, no, no. Whose day do I have to ruin?

Excuse me. You. Yes.

- Hey.
- Hi.

Congrats on your first gig.

I'm so honored that I could help you pop

- your photo sh**t cherry.
- Thank you.

Well, if I don't totally blow it,

we should go celebrate.

I'd love to. Um, Wednesday night?

Like... like dinnertime?

That's usually the
meal you eat at night.

I mean, we could go to
IHOP, if you really...

No. I mean, Wednesday is perfect.

Sounds chill.

Sounds chill.

I'll see you later.

[LAUGHS]

I cannot believe you've
never been here before, man.

You gotta try this sour, all right?

Oh, let's try it.

Mm.

- Mm?
- Mm.

Notes of pressed hair, wet dumpster,

and a beer I never want to try again.

You just don't have a
refined palate, like me.

Please, your palate is about as refined

as my five-year-old's.

[BELL RINGS] Oh, my gosh.

I gotta win one of those
for Avery before we leave.

It'll make me feel less guilty
about being away from him.

What you feel guilty
for? You're a great mom.

Oh, I know I'm a great mom.

But you know, sometimes when
I'm taking time for myself,

I feel like I could be taking him

for a bike ride or something.

I mean, it would be
nice to meet him one day.

[LAUGHS]

Oh, I'm not gonna do you like that.

[TENSE MUSIC]

He just punches this other dude

right in the middle of the skating rink

because he was hotdogging
in front of Lauryn.

So obviously, she's freaking out.

She texts me to come over.

I'm zooming quickly to pick her up...

Oh, so that's why you were an hour late

for our date tonight.

The one that we talked
about several times.

Oh. Oh, I'm... I'm so sorry.

I didn't... I didn't think you'd be

mad at me for helping Lauryn.

I mean, I just thought that we'd spend

our time together as a couple.

Not me hearing you go on and on

about this low-stakes heroic tale.

Okay. You know what?

Noted.

But if you're interested
in a high-stakes story,

I know just the one to...

I have to study for midterms.

And you have to be on the lookout

for the next damsel in distress.

♪ ♪

[SIGHS]

It's just, when he's with me,

I want him to really be with me,

not dashing off to move dressers

or bragging about saving a
girl from the roller rink.

That's so weird.

Andre just saved me from a
bad date at a roller rink.

[GIGGLES]

Girl, how do you go to
the same school as us?

I have an IQ of .

Okay, but in our defense,

Andre never said he was busy with you.

That's even worse!

Look, I'm not saying he
should ignore your problems,

but I need him to be my boyfriend.

And the thing is,

he doesn't even know why I'm mad at him.

I don't know why Annika's mad at me.

The only reason she liked
me in the first place

is because I always showed
up for her as a friend.

Oh, so you Captain Save-a-Ho

to keep your other options open.

No, I just... I don't know what to do.

When a friend is in a
crisis, what should I do?

Should I ignore them?

That doesn't feel like the right thing.

The right thing feels like stepping up.

It's better than getting stepped on.

Actually, I like getting
stepped on by women.

And I've yet to meet a lady
who didn't have feelings.

Of course yours is gonna have some.

For the other ones, they just...

yeah, they need somebody
to move stuff for them.

I would just like the record to show

that I did not ask for his help

out of some sort of, like, gender bias.

I would also just
like the record to show

that I don't feel bad
about asking for his help

because I was scared, I was alone,

and I was at a roller rink.

Okay, to be clear,

I love how close you
guys are with Andre.

But let's just be real.

If I made a plate for
one of his frat brothers

or did some other dude's laundry,

he would be so jealous he would
start lifting weights again.

Look, women always want it both ways.

It's like, Sloane loves it
when I plan a date night,

and then she always
says I'm too old-school.

That's why I say, unless we're dating,

it's a strong maybe.

Lesbians should be allowed to partake

in your little toxic hetero
traditions if it benefits them.

Like go to a dinner date for two

at a vegan fusion restaurant.

[SIGHS] I don't know if it's a date.

She is the one who
suggested dinner for two,

but I'm the one who
suggested that we celebrate.

It's too bad you're not
in a hetero relationship.

- Girl.
- No, please. Continue.

I'm actually dying to
see where this goes.

If the guy offered to pay for dinner,

you would know it was a date.

Not all guys pay. And not
all girls want them to.

It's like as soon as the check comes,

their dresses don't have
pockets anymore, right?

Most dresses don't have pockets.

But I also think it makes more sense

that if you make the most money,

you should cover the bill.

Look, just because you're going Dutch

doesn't mean it's not a date.

I would rather be alone forever

than date a guy who doesn't pay.

I mean, that's just how I was raised.

My mom doesn't even have
access to a credit card.

But that's just because
women be shopping.

Okay. Let's focus up, please.

I still don't know if it's a date,

and I don't have your
little hetero cheat codes.

Okay, so just take things
into your own hands.

Pay for dinner yourself
before she can even say, "Let's split."

Power move. Date declared.

Honestly, I wish I thought of that.

Okay. I'll do it.

But only if you tell Andre

that you need him to prioritize you.

These two things are
not equal in boldness

or necessity, but fine.

Douglas. Andre.

Presumable frat people
and/or cult members.

- Uh, how you guys doing?
- Uh, wait, hold on.

- Your full name is Douglas?
- Mm-hmm.

Well, you seem like
you're in a better mood.

Well, yeah, I just
emailed Dr. Ballbuster

and basically told her

how we're gonna do the research.

I told her what kind
of data we're gonna use

and that everything
needs to flow through me.

You poke the bear long
enough, you get the claws.

You know what I'm talking about.

- What?
- I don't.

You on some penitentiary sh*t, huh?

Dude, academia is just like jail, man.

First day, you gotta
walk in, shank a [BLEEP].

- Intellectually, of course.
- Damn.

Well, assuming that all the m*rder talk

is hypothetical, I'm happy for you.

- Thanks, man.
- [PHONE CHIMES]

Oh, well, look who,
uh... who emailed me back.

"Professor Jackson, thank you
for such spirited feedback.

I would like to discuss this further.

Please come to my office
tomorrow, : p. m.

Don't be late."

Looks like Granny, uh, couldn't miss

the early bird special, huh?

I'm not nervous about it.

[QUIRKY MUSIC]

- I'm just gonna go check it out.
- That's fantastic for you.

Well, at least one of us isn't
struggling with the ladies, I guess.

No, bro. I'm driving the struggle bus.

I mean, I asked Sloane if I could be

introduced to her kid,
and she laughed it off.

I was just trying to show I cared.

It wasn't that deep.

Well, then I guess you just do

whatever you can to show her, then.

I got you on this one.

Like, uh, get the kid some LEGOs.

- Talk to me. Okay.
- All right.

Another one is, show the
boy how to throw a punch.

- Okay.
- The last one...

maybe arguably the best one...

get the boy a beer.

- Mm...
- Get the boy a beer?

Maybe not that one.

If I know anything about women,

the four worst words that
you could ever say are,

"But you never asked."

- Doug.
- Huh?

Special delivery for you.

Well, I have a special delivery for you.

- Ooh.
- Surprise.

Because you said your little
man liked riding bikes, so...

Why would you buy my son a
bike without asking me first?

I... I just thought I
was doing right by you

because I wanted to be the kind of guy

that steps up for you,
no questions asked.

Well, you should have
asked before you did that.

'Cause see, now you're a grown-ass man

buying a bike for a boy
that you've never even met.

Yeah, that wasn't the slam dunk

I thought it was in my head.

It is not.

Come on. Let's... let's sit.

Look, I'm sorry.

And I want you to know I'm...

I'm a bit out of my depth here.

I've never been with someone that's,

you know, had a kid before.

I was just trying to show you I'm all in

because I really, really like you.

[SOFT MUSIC]

And I really, really like you too.

I mean, I love having fun with you.

And I know you are a good man.

But I don't think you
need to buy my son a bike

in order to prove that.

I'm sorry for thinking
that that was a good idea.

I may have acted on
some very flawed advice.

You think?

Next time...

Next time?

I'll ask you what you want.

Now that is the sexiest
thing a man could ask.

[SIGHS] Sorry I'm late, Professor.

I got here when I...

Come.

Sit.

You're, um... you're the Edith

from the psych department at Cal U?

[QUIRKY MUSIC]

Wow. Okay, wow.

First, Edith, let me
just start by saying, wow.

Um, secondly, I'm excited to
be working with you, Edith.

- I really am...
- It's Dr. Horne.

At least, that's what they called me

when I successfully defended
my dissertation at Georgetown.

Before we get started,
I wanted to touch base

on our email exchange.

We don't have to.

Um, it... look, it's...
it's in the bridge.

Water under the past,
you know what I mean?

To be honest, I didn't even
realize I sent you an email.

Was it from a Hotmail account?

Because my Hotmail
kind of been acting up.

It has a mind of its own.

Well, from your mind came,

"You must read 'Psychology Yesterday.'

Because otherwise,
you'd know I'm the voice

of Black mental health on campus.

There's too many cooks in this kitchen."

I don't have my glasses.

I'm not sure I can
see this right, but...

oh, yeah.

Highlighter. Wow.

Okay. I see the confusion.

Right here, it says "too many cooks."

That's supposed to be T-W-O, not T-O-O.

So I meant two cooks in the kitchen,

which is the desired number.

It's kind of like that
TV show, "The Bear."

You seen that? Yes, Chef. No, Chef.

Thank you, Chef. Corner.

No.

I'm gonna cut the BS, okay?

I thought you were a white woman.

An old white lady.

Maybe next time, do a little research

before you start f*ring off wild emails.

- Yeah.
- And to be clear,

you shouldn't be emailing
female colleagues like this

of any race.

You're % right.

And I'm sorry.

The truth is, this university has

kind of put me through the wringer

a couple of million times.

So I'm a little defensive when it
comes to issues that affect our people.

Calm down, Cornel.

But I get it.

Having spent my whole
career in academia,

I've been there.

So can we start over?

If you're willing to have me,

I'd love to work with
you on this, Dr. Horne.

If I didn't want to work with you,

we wouldn't be having this conversation.

Understood.

By the way, you're lucky.

If I was an old white lady,

I would have gone
full Karen on your ass.

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

What an inspired choice, to
replace eggs with chickpeas

in an egg salad flatbread.

Yeah.

Almost as inspired as
your crazy amazing photos

from the sh**t the other day.

- I...
- Whenever you're ready.

Or you're ready.

[QUIRKY MUSIC]

♪ ♪

- Here.
- Thank you.

Okay, flex.

No, no, it was my treat,

as a thank you for
helping me get the gig.

Also, I asked you.

I'm sure you skipped a date
or something to be here.

Well, I'll get the tip
as a thank you for dinner.

♪ ♪

I know you're pissed at me this week

for not respecting our time together.

But I want you to know that you have

my complete attention tonight.

- I promise.
- Good.

'Cause I want to get weird tonight.

- Now strip.
- Yes, ma'am.

Hey, does anyone know
how to cut a pineapple?

I actually do know how
to cut open a pineapple,

and it can be very dangerous.

Just let her learn to
cut a pineapple on her own

and prioritize me for once.

I was just trying to help.

Look, I love that you like
being the problem solver.

But when you're doing
everything for everyone else,

it just makes it really hard
for me to feel special to you.

What? No.

You... you are special to me.

And if I'm not making you feel that way,

then I've got work to do.

I do too.

My whole life, I felt
like I had to be strong.

But you're the first
person to make me feel

like it's okay to let my guard down.

[SOFT MUSIC]

Really?

Asking for what I want
just makes me vulnerable.

So when you don't hear me,

I guess it just confirms
that fear for me.

- I'm sorry.
- No, no.

You have nothing to apologize for.

And... and of course
I want to be a good guy.

But I want to be a good boyfriend

more than anything.

You are.

[LAUGHS] Look at us,

resolving our issues
without some big blowup.

I know. We really are maturing.

[KNOCK AT DOOR]

Sorry to bug you guys,
but I think I messed up,

and I'm starting to
get, like, really dizzy.

- Okay, no. Hospital.
- Okay. Okay.

Um, just... I'll go pull the car around,

and you just keep her
hands above her heart.

Yep. Hands up.

♪ Don't need to hurt ♪

Sure, chivalry can be as basic

as holding the door open for someone.

But it can also be a lot more.

Sometimes, the noble thing isn't

jumping in and taking control

but stepping back and lending support.

Other times, it means figuring out

when and where you're needed most.

♪ 'Cause there ain't no question ♪

♪ I'll be there ♪

♪ I'll be there ♪

I guess for us, the only
way to define chivalry is,

it looks a lot like communication.

And ordering an extra side of fries,

even when your girl
says she isn't hungry.

You want me to drive you home?

- Sure.
- Okay.

And maybe you can come
inside and meet little man.

Oh.

I mean, I would love to.

If you're ready for that, though.

I am.

♪ Oh, call me ♪

That is how I took the food
delivery robot to court and won.

I have so many blocked
numbers as a result.

Um, do you want me to call us car, or...

Is this a date?

[LIGHT MUSIC]

♪ ♪

Do you want it to be?

♪ ♪

Do you always have to
make things so difficult?

Well, let me make it easy for you.

♪ ♪