[MAN YELLING]
[MEN YELLING]
MAN :
Prince Kenshin, you must turn back.
- Return with us at once.
KENSHIN: No.
[MEN YELLING]
MAN :
Give up your w*apon.
[YELLS]
MAN :
Do not harm him. Take him prisoner.
KENSHIN:
No, you will have to k*ll me first.
MAN :
Take him to the castle.
KENSHIN:
Mitsu!
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYS
OVER SPEAKERS]
Yeah, baby.
- All right.
- Yeah.
Yo, rock 'r roll. Whoo.
Yeah.
[MUSIC STOPS]
Uh-oh. Turtle tantrum.
- What?
- Uh-oh. Oh, no.
Hold it.
Oh, Raph, come on.
- What's going on, Raph?
- Nothing.
Have patience, my son.
- What are we doing this for?
- What?
Day after day, practicing,
k*lling ourselves, for what?
- Oh, Raphael.
RAPHAEL: Nobody appreciates us.
Nobody sees us.
Nobody even knows
we're alive down here!
Hey, guys.
How's it going?
Hi.
- Fine. Good hair day?
- Brought you some stuff.
DONATELLO: I love stuff.
LEONARDO: Stuff!
Goodies.
Later.
LEONARDO:
Let's see what's in the bags.
APRIL:
Here are the keys to my apartment.
- Dude, in here?
APRIL: Somewhere. Stop peeking.
- No peeking.
- I'm not peeking,
- I'm spelunking for pork rinds.
- Don't lose them.
- Okay.
- Oh, God, I need this vacation.
- You're not the only one.
LEONARDO: Take us with you.
Come on, take us with you.
- Sorry, sorry, sorry.
- Please.
Sorry, guys, my suitcases are very full.
Oh, too bad.
Hey, I didn't forget about you guys.
I bought a lot of fun stuff
at the flea market for you.
- All right! Yeah!
- Awesome!
- All right.
- Okay, where's Raph?
He's in another funk.
- Again?
LEONARDO: A major funk.
Maybe this will cheer him up.
DONATELLO: Hey, smooth.
- Pretty cool, huh?
- Nifty lid.
APRIL: Very Raph. All right.
This is for Mikey.
- Yes.
- Alrighty.
APRIL: Let's see.
DONATELLO: It's a lampshade.
APRIL: What else do we have here?
- Maybe there's other pieces.
And for Leonardo.
There you go.
LEONARDO: Japanese swords.
APRIL: Donatello.
This will keep you busy while I'm gone.
- Thanks.
- All right.
And for Splinter.
- Where is he anyway?
- Cool.
LEONARDO:
He's doing rat stuff.
Found this...
Actually, I don't really know what it is.
Some kind of a weird antique
or something.
I think it's Japanese.
Elvis Presley in Blue Hawaii.
LEONARDO:
Oh, you're so cute.
Ooh, a super androdyne radio
with triode tubes. Boss.
Hey, what's that, April?
Some kind of weird Japanese antique...
...egg timer.
[BELL TOLLING]
[MEN YELLING IN JAPANESE]
Kenshin.
I forbid you to leave the castle.
You have disgraced me.
KENSHIN: It is you who have
disgraced me, Father...
...with your unjust w*r.
Walker.
Walker, you're alive.
Yes, I'd say that was a fair assumption.
Survived the shipwreck,
built some new ones and, well...
...here I am, hungry again.
Niles!
Move along, lads.
Yes.
Your sentries, I believe.
Must be a comfort to know
how well-protected you are, Lord Norinaga.
Kenshin.
Inside.
Now.
Children are such a pest, aren't they?
Especially when they side
with the enemy.
Oh, dear. Damn nuisance.
I just keep birds now.
Little finches.
Shut up, Niles.
Right, I have three ships sitting
in your harbor...
...loaded down with powder
and muskets...
...absolutely guaranteed
to win your ambitious w*r.
[KENSHIN YELLS IN JAPANESE]
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
"Open wide the gates of time."
Uh... Guys?
Guys.
[YELLS]
What's going on?
Wait a second here.
DONATELLO:
What is this?
Lay low.
Whoa, my face.
MICHAELANGELO:
Feels like tornado weather.
Wait, the light.
[APRIL SCREAMS]
No way.
DONATELLO:
She's a man.
Huh?
[APRIL SCREAMS]
[BOTH SCREAM]
April?
[BOTH SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
Whoa.
Mm. You have that effect on people,
don't you, master?
Out cold.
[TAPE REWINDING]
Okay.
[MEN SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
Hi.
MICHAELANGELO:
Wakey, wakey. Wake up.
- Guys, do these clothes look familiar to you?
- What?
MICHAELANGELO:
Wake up.
Wake up, weird-looking
James Dean dude.
Think he's coming around. Hey?
[YELLS IN JAPANESE]
Kappa? Cappuccino?
No, it makes me hyper.
- What's a kappa?
- Ancient Japanese demon.
Some were good
and some were very bad.
- Oh.
- Yes.
Demons.
Hey, he speaks English.
Where's he from anyways?
LEONARDO:
Well, judging from sword...
...l'd say feudal Japan.
Oh. That explains
why he speaks our language.
England started trading with Japan...
...in the late th century.
RAPHAEL: All right.
How did you get in April's pants?
I just wanna know
what happened to April.
It seems the scepter has magic powers...
...and somehow transported them
both through time.
Hold on, dudes.
If April's back in feudal Japan,
does that mean we, like...
...have to ride that scepter
back through time to get her?
- Cool.
- You have no choice, my son.
Awesome. But do you think
they had pizza back then?
[TURTLES GROAN]
Get out of town.
What happened?
Coming in.
What's going on, captain?
Ignorant, superstitious fools.
We was just wondering.
Them, you moronic toad.
They seem to think the womars
some kind of witch.
NILES: She's some sort of a witch.
- Shut up.
- Some sort of a witch.
- Yeah.
Would you keep quiet!
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
Sorry?
Look, I took Spanish in high school.
Whoa. Hey, easy.
[BARRIO BOYZZ'S "CONGA"
PLAYS OVER HEADPHONES]
[MUSIC STOPS]
Next time, ask me to turn it off.
Where is my son, witch?
Hey...
...I really don't have a clue, okay?
So why don't you just drop
this macho stuff?
Lord Norinaga, allow me.
The daimio and his court believe
that you're a witch...
...who has somehow managed
to spirit away his son.
Is this true?
Yeah.
Yeah, it's true.
I am a witch.
See that?
I shrunk four incredibly cool guys...
...and I locked them in there.
Really?
[YELLS]
Then go ahead, witch. Shrink me.
Don't push me, Ruffles...
...or I'll melt you
into a steaming puddle of puke.
She has no power.
Let me question her about your son.
Then you can roast her, toast her,
chop her into tiny little pieces...
...and feed her to the birds.
- No.
I want her to suffer.
DONATELLO:
Let's see here.
If I subtract the cosine
from the inverted integer...
...then I can take the flangeler
and put that here.
Oh, that's it. Of course.
It's equal mass displacement.
See, guys,
for every one of us that goes back...
...someone from the past will come here.
But the problem is...
...that switch will only work
under one condition.
You know what that is?
Tuesdays?
Uh, Groundhog's Day?
Oh, great.
It will only work if the magic travelers
each have the same weight.
Bingo.
Gee, you guys do have
a good educational system, huh?
Step back, dudes.
I just brought us some heavy a*tillery.
[LAUGHS]
- Donny, long time.
- Yeah.
Leo, how's it going?
Hey, Casey! Welcome back.
Raph, how'd your brain implant go,
good?
What?
- Funny.
- Anyway...
...enough of this camaraderie.
When do we get together
and bust some skulls?
Whoa, whoa. Hold it there, Casey.
You're not gonna do
any head-breaking this time.
Sorry, guy.
- Yeah.
- What was that?
You wanna run that by me again?
How come?
Because we need somebody
to stay here with Splinter...
...in case the time bandit
decides to flip out.
- Yeah.
- Lf it ain't too much of an inconvenience.
- It will be a serious honor.
SPLINTER: It is time to go, my sons.
Donatello...
...we shall wait by the scepter...
...every hours,
as you have instructed.
Ah. Correct, Master Splinter.
But the space-time continuum
will be out of phase after hours.
CASEY:
Wait a second.
Time-out.
Now, what does all that mean in American?
If we don't come back in two
and a half days, we're turtle soup.
- Whoa.
- Whoa.
Bummer.
[MAN LAUGHING]
Why don't you get a real job, cue ball?
Hey, hey, you know what?
This is a Rolex.
It's a gold Rolex. You want it?
[POUNDING]
Let me out of here.
NILES:
Shut up.
Hope you don't get sh*t. Open up.
Stay with Walker, you die.
- You come with me, you live.
- Shut up now.
NILES:
Lock him up, lads.
Put him in his new home, eh?
You.
Up, fool, up.
MAN: Come on. Get your body in there, boy.
- Well, well, well.
What have we got here?
Give us a kiss, duckling,
while you still got your lips.
Well, you're not the first one
to do that to me.
There you are, Mr. Whit.
You can lead
your stinking mutiny in here.
Good night, me little tweety birds.
Come on, lads.
[MEN LAUGHING]
MAN:
Goodbye, Whit!
Casey?
Yeah, you look familiar too.
The scepter will be in the temple...
...which means you will be replaced
by four priests.
Nothing to it.
Now we must please try to hurry.
Mitsu is in great danger.
- Mits who?
- Yes, Mitsu.
She is the woman
who leads the rebellion against my father.
She is the most courageous
and beautiful woman...
...ever.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, we get the picture.
Can we go now?
- Okay.
- Enough Mitsu already.
T minus minutes and counting.
Let's go, Mikey.
What?
[HUMMING]
[LAUGHS]
LEONARDO: Mikey.
- D'oh!
Why are you wearing shorts?
Kenshin switched with April
and got her clothes.
LEONARDO: Yeah, so?
- So...
...this is for whoever
comes through in my place...
...so they won't arrive bare-butt naked.
- Oh.
- Oh.
- I got three more pairs.
SPLINTER: No.
We have no time
for this scientific debate.
Yes, master.
- Come on, guys, let's go.
- It's time.
Yeah, yeah.
Kids.
- The inscription says:
- Trust me.
- "Open wide the gates of time."
- It'll work.
All right, already. Let's go.
Go with care, my sons...
...and return with swiftness.
We will not fail you, Master Splinter.
LEONARDO:
Okay, guys, hold on now.
Here we go.
- It's starting to work.
- Hang on.
TURTLES:
Whoa, whoa.
Make sure your tray tables
are in their full upright positions!
Hang on to your shells, dudes!
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
This is very bad.
They are not four priests.
They are my father's honor guard.
The scepter was not in the temple.
KENSHIN:
There must have been a battle.
I knew it, I'm missing all the fun.
[MEN YELLING]
LEONARDO: Where are the priests?
Where's the temple?
DONATELLO:
Talk about your quantum leap.
MICHAELANGELO: Hey, dudes, check it out.
We're in Shogun.
Hey, where did we get these clothes?
MICHAELANGELO:
These guys are pretty serious.
Ow, ow, ow, ow.
- How do you steer this thing?
- There's no steering wheel on mine.
You're lucky. Mine doesn't have a head.
Watch out for the people.
Ow, ow, ow, ow.
DONATELLO:
Whoa, this is... This isn't too good.
TURTLES:
Whoa!
Oh, don't these things
ever run out of gas?
I think I swallowed a frog.
I hope it wasrt an ancestor.
That was fun.
Well, at least the time travel worked.
RAPHAEL:
We're here five minutes...
...and already we lost one brother,
the magic scepter...
- Our dignity.
- And no April.
Hey, where's Mikey?
Last time I saw him, he was doing this:
[YELLING]
Jeez, what else could happen?
Whoa! Buttermilk. Whoa!
Good horsey. Good horsey. Whaa!
Hey, who turned out the lights?
You know, I think I saw this
on Bonanza once. Whoa!
[GRUNTS]
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
CASEY:
Okay, boys, who's first in line? Come on.
Ancient wusses.
Even here, you find me.
No.
Put down your sword, Kenshin.
They are not enemies...
...only lost warriors...
...like yourself.
Okay, so far, this disguise is working.
But remember, we're turtles,
not honor guards.
Oh, thanks for pointing that out, Leo.
That would explain the large shell
on my back.
Well, you don't have to be so sarcastic.
Well, I'm sorry, Leo,
but that's my nature.
NORINAGA: You see, Walker,
we do not need your help.
We are victorious without your g*ns.
Today my honor guard
carried my own secret w*apon.
Really? Well, that's very good news.
Where are my honor guards?
Murata, find my honor guards.
- Yes.
NORINAGA: Now.
Right away.
- You.
- What?
Come here, now.
Uh-oh. Told you these outfits
would get us in trouble.
- Let's go. Blend in.
- Yeah, right.
MURATA: They're coming.
They're behind the wagon.
Step aside.
Uh-oh.
Go! Idiot.
[YELLS]
That's very impressive, my lord.
This is very bad.
LEONARDO:
Well, they fell for it.
RAPHAEL:
Shh. Want to keep it down, Leo?
WALKER:
So they've gone missing.
I mean, w*r does have a habit
of doing that to people.
- It's time to look to the future.
- You do not understand.
My honor guard carried
a sacred family relic to ensure victory.
Ah, yes, the golden scepter.
Well, one does hear things.
Secrets leak like a stink from a dead pig.
You certainly can turn a phrase, my lord.
Listen to me, daimio.
g*ns ensure victory,
not some ancestral good-luck charm.
You are wrong.
If the scepter's lost, my clan is lost.
And you, Walker, will have no one
to trade with but yourself.
Niles!
- Captain?
- Bring me the woman.
[WHISPERS]
Come on, guys, let's find the temple.
Maybe April's still in there.
DONATELLO: Boy, Kenshirs dad
must be really seriously rich.
I think I saw this place once
on Lifestyles of the Rich and Dangerous.
NILES:
"Bring me the woman, Niles.
Lick my boots, Niles.
Feed my birds, Niles."
What's next, roll over and play dead?
What are you looking at,
you ugly lump of dung?
What?
[GROWLING]
Lump of dung, huh?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, you dirty... I ought to...
DONATELLO:
Later, Popeye.
RAPHAEL:
I'm gonna get that guy.
Did you hear what he called me, Leo?
Yeah, an ugly lump of dung.
That was an insult, Leo.
Not necessarily, Raph.
Did you know that in some countries,
dung is used as a fuel source?
"Dung is used as a fuel source."
Thanks, Don.
Ohayou, wasabi.
Hello, mustard?
Okay, so my Japanese is a little rusty.
Suzuki, Kawasa...
How about sayonara?
DONATELLO: That'll work. Yeah.
RAPHAEL: Ciao. Adios.
DONATELLO:
See you later. Yes.
It's me again, Fatso-san.
Open up.
Hurry up.
Woman.
- Yeah.
- We want woman.
Move it, you sot.
Yell loud enough,
they'll do anything for you.
RAPHAEL:
There they are, the Three Stooges.
Yeah, Larry, Curly and Moe.
NILES:
Get her down, you fat sot.
- b*at it.
- See you later.
NILES:
Don't ruffle me little duck's feathers.
I'll ruffle myself.
Hurry up.
Hey.
It's wet willy time, Moe.
Wet what?
[TURTLES LAUGHING]
What a maroon.
Hey, what's up, April?
- Oh, hi, April.
- Yo, April.
Raph? Leo?
Boy, some vacation.
I'd fire my travel agent.
- Not me. I think it's cool.
- Hey, fat boy.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah?
Uh-oh.
Yeah, get him in there.
Hey, don't forget to pack a lunch.
Matter of fact, pack three.
Wow, he can actually lift that thing.
- That's impressive.
APRIL: Hey, hello? Hey.
- Hey, nice clothes, April.
- What?
Would somebody please tell me
what the heck is going on around here?
Well, relax, April.
It's just your ordinary...
...time-travel-equal-mass-displacement
kind of thing.
LEONARDO: Yeah, what he said.
APRIL: Oh, okay.
So let's get out of here now.
Okay, let's go.
[YELLING]
WHIT:
Wait, wait, miss!
Miss, cut me loose.
They'll hang me here.
DONATELLO:
This is my favorite part.
- Yeah.
RAPHAEL: Come on.
Next.
APRIL:
I know I'm gonna regret this.
Hey, come and get me. Come on.
- Watch your head.
APRIL: Well, come on.
Hurry.
RAPHAEL:
Hey, see you next time.
DONATELLO:
Hey, watch for me.
[MAN YELLING]
- Throw it over here. Thank you.
LEONARDO: On your left, Donny!
DONATELLO:
Whoa, appreciate that.
Hey, think these guys have
ever seen a pinball machine before?
RAPHAEL: Why?
DONATELLO: Just throw them to me.
Tilt.
LEONARDO:
Fight's over, we're closed.
DONATELLO: These guys are really pushy.
APRIL: You're a big help.
DONATELLO:
They don't know when to quit.
- What are you doing, April?
- Come on, I think I found a way ou...
Obviously not the age of chivalry.
- Come on!
- Go go, go!
- We're right behind you.
- Hurry up.
APRIL:
Oh, yuck.
- Oh, no, not another sewer.
- Take off.
[YELLS]
[IMITATING SCHWARZENEGGER]
I'll be back.
[YELLING]
Garbage.
Boy, do I hate spinach.
Raph?
[TURTLES COUGHING]
Well, I'm in there.
Donny?
DONATELLO:
Yeah?
[DONATELLO COUGHING
AND SPITTING]
Mud wrestling is definitely
a spectator sport.
Gross.
Grosser.
April!
- Yo!
APRIL: Here.
Hey.
APRIL:
Help me up.
DONATELLO:
All right, I'm coming.
I'm on my way over.
- Little mud, no problem.
APRIL: Help me.
DONATELLO:
I can handle... Whoa!
Wait, wait.
I'm getting...
This was the worst rescue
I have ever had.
Help, I'm a turtle and I can't get up.
Thanks.
We'd better get out of here.
Look on the bright side, April.
We could've fallen into a big
greasy, smelly pile of...
APRIL:
Don't even say it, Don.
Hello?
[LAUGHING]
Oh, hello.
Oh, that hurts.
[GROANING]
What a head popper.
Earth to me.
God, my neck hurts.
My spots hurt.
Even my bandanna hurts.
Hey, little one.
Okay.
Hey, where am I?
DONATELLO:
Mikey!
LEONARDO:
Mikey!
DONATELLO:
Yo, Michaelangelo!
LEONARDO:
Hey, Mikey!
Yes.
Much better.
- Wow. A leg-o-rama.
- Yeah, I'll say.
Hey, I'm allowed.
I'm on vacation.
- Right.
- Oh.
- Absolutely. Schwing!
- Absolutely. Schwing!
[LAUGHING]
Hey, Leo. Look at this water.
- Well, I don't see anything.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Exactly.
- No tires, no beer cans...
DONATELLO: There's a good...
...throwing rock there. Yeah, a flat one.
RAPHAEL: No dead fish.
- Just water.
DONATELLO: Two, three, four...
- Clean, clear, beautiful water.
...five, six, seven.
[BREATHES DEEPLY]
Nature. I love it.
Makes me wanna...
...I don't know, migrate or something.
[LAUGHING]
Turtles don't migrate, Raph. Birds do.
Hey, I got a beak, don't I?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Okay, turtles, let's move out.
You bet.
[YELLS]
Whoa.
Ambush!
DONATELLO:
Here comes trouble, guys.
Come on.
Show me what you got.
[GRUNTING]
Come on, guys.
A one and a two.
[YELLING]
Ha-ha! Enjoy your swim, fellas.
[YELLS]
[SCREAMS]
Miss me?
[YELLING IN JAPANESE]
Hey, you like baseball here?
Strike one.
Strike two.
You're out of there. I love that game.
APRIL:
Okay, I've had enough.
Come on, Jack.
It's Hammer time.
Missed.
Hey.
Here, hold these. Thank you.
Wanna dance?
What?
Oh, no.
No, no, no, lady. That ain't nice.
[YELLS IN JAPANESE]
Hey, who blew the whistle?
Hey, look.
Hey, we're friends, okay?
We're here to find our brother, that's all.
Hey, I don't kiss on the first date, lady.
- Raph, give it a rest, will you?
- Yeah.
Don't be afraid.
You are just like the other one.
- Say what?
LEONARDO: The other one?
Mikey?
- What? Bingo.
- Oh, yes.
- Yes!
- Yes! Our search is over!
- Get down with your turtle self.
LEONARDO: Oh, yeah.
WHIT: They say your friends
are devils or demons.
RAPHAEL:
Hey, pal, you got a relative in Brooklyn?
- No.
WHIT: I figure...
I figure they're mercenaries in disguise,
come to help the rebels.
Invaders from the north.
[MITSU YELLS]
My village.
[EXPLOSIONS]
[PEOPLE SCREAMING]
Mikey!
Go!
[MEN YELLING]
Find Kenshin. Fire over their heads
and burn this place to the ground.
There's a reward for the man
who brings me the scepter. Go!
Do it!
Go!
Yoshi! Yoshi! Yoshi!
g*nf*re?
Whoa, better cover the melon.
I gotta get out of here.
MAN : Burn it to the ground! Yes!
MAN : I'll stay with you!
MAN :
It's one of them honor guards.
There's a reward for him.
[LAUGHING]
Greetings from Her Majesty.
My heroes.
[SCREAMING]
Wait, wait!
I'm really a beautiful princess in disguise!
Oh, swords.
- Where's my lord?
- These things have got out!
Break the spell.
Give me a kiss.
- No! No!
- My lord!
- My lord, we've seen a monster.
- What?
- With a bright green head.
- What do you mean a monster, a demon?
Hey, which way did they go?
Excuse me, Niles.
Shouldrt you be trying
to scare somebody?
But there's a demon up the road.
A wild beast with the body of a man
and the head of the devil himself.
Listen to me, you cretinous idiot.
It's nothing but a samurai
wearing one of his masks.
- But...
- Shut up!
Get on with it.
- Come on.
- What do we do?
MICHAELANGELO:
What the...?
Clint Eastwoo...?
Nah.
Huh?
Hey, butch.
Don't you know Westerns are dead?
Speaking of dead.
[PUNCHING]
NILES:
I'll save you, captain.
- Hi there.
- When I said Westerns were dead...
...what I meant was they're not dead.
I forgot about Clint.
You look a lot like Clint. Yes, you do.
Eeeee!
Wet willy.
NILES:
Sorry, captain.
- Eh?
- Yes.
Dudes, most excellent timing.
MAN:
Split up.
MICHAELANGELO:
Hold it right there, Zorro dude.
[GROWLS]
[WALKER YELLS]
He's getting away.
[LAUGHS]
- Wimp.
NILES: Captain!
Don't leave me here! Captain!
Wait for m...!
BOY:
Help! Grandfather, help!
Yoshi! Yoshi!
- Help! Grandfather, help!
MICHAELANGELO: Easy, easy.
Yoshi.
Grandson.
Stay right here.
[MITSU SPEAKING
IN JAPANESE]
- Yoshi.
- Yoshi?
Yoshi?
[COUGHING]
- I don't think I'm cut out for this hero stuff.
- Michaelangelo.
MICHAELANGELO:
Need some water. They're gonna need...
What's going on?
MICHAELANGELO:
Well, here I go!
I don't believe it. He went in.
Mikey, no!
Mikey!
- Mikey!
- No!
We gotta do something.
MICHAELANGELO:
Kurt Russell, eat your heart out.
I think he's gonna be okay.
Yoshi.
[COUGHING]
- Are you all right?
- Yeah.
- You scared me half to death.
- Scared me half to death.
- Mikey!
- Hey!
- Mikey!
- God, I'm so glad to see you.
- I was so worried.
MITSU: Yoshi?
DONATELLO: I can't believe you did that.
You're a hero.
He has no life in him.
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
- What's going on?
MITSU: Yoshi? Yoshi?
Give him to me.
Let me take him, please.
MITSU:
Yoshi?
Keep everyone back.
- Stay back.
DONATELLO: Give the guy some room.
- Give me room.
- Give him room.
- Everybody get back.
- Give him some room.
[BLOWING]
- No.
- No, wait.
Let him try.
No. He's casting an evil spell.
No, it's not an evil spell.
He's helping.
Keep back, everyone.
I need more time.
MICHAELANGELO:
Come on, guys. Help him out.
RAPHAEL:
Come on, Leo. You can do it.
One, two, three, four, five.
One, two, three...
Yeah.
- Thattaboy, Leo. He did it.
- All right.
Yes.
Yoshi.
Yeah.
You're gonna be okay, Yoshi.
Here you go.
Yoshi?
Yoshi.
Outstanding, dude.
Thanks.
Yeah, I just hope these village people
won't be afraid of us anymore.
Well, it's a start.
Your men showed lack of courage today.
They were frightened by the demons,
as were your men.
Is that so?
Walker.
Look.
Tell me...
...were the demons today not men?
Real demons?
I don't know.
Old priests say...
...once before,
demons defeated my ancestors.
Now they've come back for me.
I agree to your price.
g*ns for silver and silk.
Uh... g*ns for gold.
Now there are demons.
Before there were just men.
No.
My cannons can destroy these monsters,
my lord.
You can rewrite history.
No.
Then I can rewrite you.
Whoa, slow down!
Clothesline! Clothesline!
Wipeout.
Whoa, Silver!
Horses.
[YELLING]
I hate horses!
Somebody dial .
Medic.
You thirsty?
Oh, no. My butt.
You didn't find the scepter, did you?
No. It's history.
[HORSE WHINNIES]
Huh?
Yee-haw!
Adios, amigos.
You know, sometimes I hate that guy.
Yeah.
- Let's see.
- You know, wait.
- Let's just hold it here, okay?
- The square root of...
If the scepter wasrt in the woods...
...maybe the daimio has it.
No. He's been looking for it too.
So, what are we gonna do?
How are we gonna get home?
MICHAELANGELO:
Wait, wait. Bros, listen.
Are you sure this isn't a dumb thing
to do?
No, it's a smart thing to do.
Losing the old scepter
was a dumb thing to do.
MICHAELANGELO:
I didn't lose it, okay?
I, like, had my head totally torqued.
Besides, I know what it looks like.
I was holding on to it last,
and it doesn't look like this.
- Don't look at me that way.
- You don't know what you're talking about.
APRIL: Excuse me.
- I'm the one who said that...
- Hey.
- No, you don't... What?
APRIL: I don't mean
to spoil your little party here.
This is your plan?
- Yeah.
- You're not seriously suggesting that...
...Donatello is gonna make an incredibly
arcane time-travel machine, are you?
LEONARDO: Of course not.
MICHAELANGELO: No way.
- That would be totally bogus.
- Really stupid.
Well, that's a relief.
No, that guy's gonna make it.
He's good with his hands.
[GROANS]
What?
- Hey.
RAPHAEL: Come on, April.
- What up...?
- Where you going?
MICHAELANGELO:
Where you going, dudette?
To find an apartment.
I have a feeling we're gonna be here
for a very long time.
- Apartment?
- Are there apartments in Japan?
- Do I look like a real estate agent?
- What about condos, time-shares?
RAPHAEL:
Let's get back at this.
Take me with you.
Where? New York?
No. You wouldn't fit in.
I mean...
Well, actually, you would fit in.
But you wouldn't really fit in.
You know what I mean?
You could teach me.
No, I couldn't.
Look, Whit...
...l'm going back real soon and...
I don't wanna have
this conversation, okay?
[TRAIN RATTLING]
[MEN SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
Take whatever you guys need, all right?
[YELLS IN JAPANESE]
Hey, Ken.
Maybe you ought to try a little decaf?
Kenshin is unappy.
He believes they will never get home.
Well, it ain't exactly a quick jaunt
across the Brooklyn Bridge, is it?
Hey, Ken.
Maybe you ought to try a little herbal,
Ken-man. Know what I mean?
We can't wait for your sons.
Mitsu needs me now.
The scepter. Please.
[MUSIC PLAYS ON TV]
[CRASHING]
Can you believe it?
We're not even in the playoffs yet.
DONATELLO: The space-time continuum
will be out of phase after hours.
DONATELLO:
Pick up the pace, Smithy-san.
We gotta have that scepter done
by tonight.
No.
[GRUNTS]
Love it.
You know, there is one
little improvement...
[MICHAELANGELO SINGING
"O SOLE MIO"]
MICHAELANGELO:
We're talking franchises here, bud.
All you gotta do is keep your delivery
to under minutes.
Let's see what we got here. We got a...
Ah.
Pizza.
Got that, dude? Pizza.
Frisbee. Also cool. Zam.
[GRUNTING]
Who Frisbeed me in the face?
MICHAELANGELO: I'm out of here.
- Why, I ought to...
It was Mike with the thing for the lady.
[BOY SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
[CHILDREN LAUGHING]
Whoa, whoa.
Hey, hey, hey, chill. Hey, hey, hey.
What is this, The Geraldo Show?
You gotta learn
to control that temper, guy.
Did I say that?
We're practicing fighting the daimio.
Fight the daimio?
Hold on here.
Fighting's for grown-ups
and that's only if you got no other choice.
You guys are kids.
You should be out, um...
You should be out having fun,
flying those things.
Come on. We can do it together.
You could teach me.
Fun is for children.
And what, you're a senior citizen?
Come on. It'll be easy.
- What did you say your name was?
- Yoshi.
Yoshi.
Okay. Yoshi.
You and your buddies grab those kites
and I'll join you later.
Kids.
Yo, Yoshi. Wait up.
Hey, I think I'm getting this.
Yoshi, what do you think? Look at that.
Lord Norinaga accepts your price.
g*ns for gold.
Tell the daimio to prepare the papers.
Oh. Oh, oh, uh...
Sorry. I guess you wanna be alone, huh?
I was asking the gods
to protect someone.
Kenshin?
He's like your beau, huh?
You know him?
Sort of. He kind of went on a cosmic cruise
and dropped in on us.
Oh, but don't worry.
He'll be back as soon as we leave.
I promise.
How do you know this?
Well...
...it's a kappa kind of thing.
So...
...what's your sign?
Oh, man.
- Hockey.
- Hockey.
Guess it's time for a little cultural exchange,
if you know what I mean.
Okay, guys.
Let's play a little hockey.
Hockey?
CASEY:
Take your best sh*t.
Come on.
- Just like you saw on TV.
MAN : TV.
CASEY:
Remember?
MAN : TV.
MAN : TV.
Hey, good.
All right.
Okay, I can work with that.
I can work with that.
Good.
Tomorrow, Walker,
we will use your g*ns.
My pleasure.
Walker.
Mm?
My dungeon is very crowded.
Well, then it would only be humane not to
take any more prisoners, then, wouldn't it?
You'll just have to k*ll everybody.
What do you hear, sensei?
Danger.
Mitsu.
- What is it?
- Mitsu, I bring bad news from the castle.
APRIL:
It's two hours to midnight.
Oh, I sure hope this works.
LEONARDO: Lmpressive.
DONATELLO: Diameter...
Yes. Wow, this is perfect.
MICHAELANGELO:
What if this doesn't work, dudes?
What if we make, like, a cosmic U-turn
and end up back in Godzilla land?
We don't have a choice,
unless you wanna stay here.
Well, maybe we should.
- Hold it.
- Yeah, right.
Forget about Mitsu
and give me the scepter...
Hey, Raph, give me back the scepter...
RAPHAEL: Give it over here.
- Wait.
- Hey, hey.
- Aye-ai-ai.
[SHATTERS]
- Nice going.
- Butterfingers.
[GROANING]
What next?
The daimio is coming in the morning...
...with Walker and g*ns.
Great.
- g*ns.
- Oh, man.
Hey, Yoshi. You awake, buddy?
Oh, Yoshi.
Hey, hey, hey.
What's the matter, little man?
What's up with those tears?
What's going on here?
YOSHl:
Nothing.
Nothing, huh?
Well, too bad.
Because if something was bothering you,
I got a little present here to cheer you up.
It's called a yo-yo.
It's yours. I made it for you.
I was gonna give it to you tomorrow,
but you know...
...things might get a little nuts.
I might forget.
You fight daimio in the morning.
Yeah. Okay, so tomorrow afternoon...
...l'll teach you some tricks
on your yo-yo.
- Okay, buddy?
- Tomorrow you might die.
Yeah. Okay, Yoshi, you listen to me.
Tomorrow morning, you and your buddies
go up into the mountains...
...and you play, you hear me?
No matter what happens.
I cannot let you die, Raphael-san.
Don't worry, kid.
Nobody's gonna die.
Hey, Yoshi, come on. Where you going?
It's late already.
Get yourself to bed.
What are you doing?
Yoshi, this isn't playtime.
Your sister's gonna k*ll me.
- What do you got?
- For you, Raphael-san.
You didn't have to.
I find in the woods.
Now you and the other kappa
can go home.
Now you no die.
Son of a snapper.
Leo!
I found it!
RAPHAEL:
Look at this. It was here the whole time.
- It was under the house.
- Yeah?
Her little brother put it there.
- Whoa, mondo surprise.
- Whoa.
- We're set.
- Let me see.
Careful, now. Easy, guys.
- Is it the one?
- That's the one.
- Look, it's the scepter.
- Oh, God.
- I can't believe it.
- Easy.
So you see...
...as long as we didn't have the scepter,
we had no choice but to stay and fight.
Right?
LEONARDO:
You mean, we were set up?
- Uncool.
- Hey.
Very uncool.
Mitsu.
Is that for real?
- The vibes in here just turned bad.
- Oh, man.
Let's split.
Wait. I am the one.
Please.
I am the one who told my grandson
to hide the scepter.
- What?
- I want you to fight, not Mitsu.
[MITSU SCREAMS]
- Mitsu!
- Oh, no.
LEONARDO: Come on.
RAPHAEL: Let's go. Move it.
WHIT: Evening.
MICHAELANGELO: Mitsu!
- Let me at him! I can take hi...!
DONATELLO: Mikey, stay back.
Calm down, man.
Give me the scepter,
my little green friends.
No. k*ll him.
Yeah.
Raph, give me the scepter.
Man.
WHIT:
Bring Kenshin to the castle tonight...
...you get her back.
Come morning, I was you, I'd be gone.
Hyah.
MICHAELANGELO:
He's just riding off.
Guys, we gotta do something.
I apologize for this crude interruption,
daimio...
...but perhaps this little bird
will sing for your supper.
Mitsu.
Why have you stolen my son?
I do not have your son.
He's gone on a magic journey.
Only the scepter can bring him back.
You are lying.
You have them both.
I have nothing.
He has the scepter.
Not as chirpy as I'd hoped.
- Niles.
- Come on.
- Come on.
WALKER: Get out. Out! Get out!
NILES:
Take her away. Come on. Move it.
How did you capture such a woman?
The same way you capture
any wild animal.
By setting a trap.
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
I don't have it.
Equal partners.
Right? I'm not your spy anymore.
[HORSE WHINNIES]
APRIL:
I wanna see the daimio.
Hey, hey, hey. Easy with the hands.
Another little birdie come home to roost.
Well, April's inside.
Now it's up to us.
MICHAELANGELO: Is this what they mean
by getting totally vertical?
DONATELLO: Turtles: It's not just a job,
it's an adventure.
[CATS MEOWING]
[LAUGHS]
[CREATURE GROWLING]
[CATS HOWLING AND MEOWING]
MICHAELANGELO:
Meow, dude.
[YELLS]
Ow! His chins landed on my foot.
DONATELLO:
Sayonara, blubber butt.
MICHAELANGELO: Mitsu.
- Yee-ah!
How's it hanging, babe?
Michaelangelo.
Oh, hey, Mit, sorry about the cr*ck
about the bad vibes.
You got great vibes.
- Quickly. We must free the others.
- Yeah.
Hey, Whit.
Well, well, well, Miss O'Neil.
My partner, Mr. Whit,
and I were just discussing your future.
Let me tell you something
about your partner here.
He's scum.
He's the lowest scum of the earth.
No, you know something?
He's lower than scum.
He gives scum a bad name.
Of course he does.
That's why I hired him.
Take her away.
No, now, wait a minute. Wait.
I have information
about the daimio's son.
I think she's telling the truth.
Really?
Well, I don't pay you to think, do I?
I pay you to lie, cheat and steal.
So why don't you go down to the harbor
and bring back the men and their g*ns?
g*ns?
LEONARDO:
Shh. Maybe she's up here.
Nice and light now.
RAPHAEL:
Ooh. Love the artwork.
DONATELLO:
Reservations for five?
Under T, maybe?
- Come on. Let's go.
LEONARDO: Move it. Move it.
RAPHAEL: That's okay, fellas.
We'll find a table ourselves.
DONATELLO:
Whoa. Little log there.
Everything looks cool up here.
Come on.
- Come on. Come on.
- Clear on the right.
- Clear on the left.
- Mitsu, you back there?
Yah!
Hey, you guys. Check it out.
- Wow, ancient us.
- Trippy.
The battle of the thousand swords.
Four demons defeated
the daimio and his army.
Definitely family.
Looks like me, but it's got Raph's beak.
But it was only a legend.
- Dudes, we're legends.
- Hey, cool.
RAPHAEL: I like it.
DONATELLO: Hey, Wayne Newton.
You.
Hey, you were expecting
maybe the Addams family?
Good one.
You have come back.
We like to drop in
about every three or four centuries.
Yeah, and it looks like
you're having a rough day.
So give us the scepter back
and we'll get out of here.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, huh?
You have disgraced my ancestor,
but you will not disgrace me.
I'm willing to die.
[BOTH SPEAK IN JAPANESE]
We will both die...
...but only one of us with honor.
Are we out of the loop here or what?
Yeah.
[YELLING]
Hey.
- Mitsu!
MICHAELANGELO: Chill, dude.
- You okay?
TURTLES: Mikey, watch out.
MICHAELANGELO:
Oh, he who dings the shell must pay.
- Hyah! Yah!
- Ahhh.
[YELLING]
Yes.
Your turn.
One, two, three, and kick.
Good night.
Bases loaded. Home run.
Leapfrog.
Triple play.
Hello. Goodbye.
All right, good job, turtles.
- Yes!
- Leo, high foot. Hey!
All right. Let's rock 'r roll, dudes.
Whoa, more logs.
RAPHAEL:
Hey, Mac.
Take the rest of the day off.
DONATELLO:
I'll open the dungeon.
- You guys go that way.
- We must open the gate.
- No problemo.
LEONARDO: Whoa. Scuds.
Trouble.
One, two, three, four.
You're free, guys. Let's go.
I love this stuff!
I get such a kick out of this job.
[NORINAGA SPEAKING
IN JAPANESE]
Hold it, bucko.
Big mistake, dude.
Go ahead. Finish me.
Okay.
There. Short enough for you?
[LEONARDO WHISTLES]
Uh?
[YELLS]
- Hello?
- Who's trapped inside?
- Lord Norinaga.
- No.
Norinaga?
[NORINAGA YELLING]
Name rings a bell.
Good one, guys,
RAPHAEL:
Yes, indeed. Turtles one, daimio zip.
LEONARDO:
Hey, look.
It's April.
Well, if it ain't the Phantom of the opera.
Love to stay and chat...
...but places to go...
...people to k*ll.
[g*nf*re]
NILES:
Come on, lads.
Move it. Move it. Out of the way.
LEONARDO: Oh, no. g*ns.
DONATELLO: There goes the neighborhood.
- Wait.
- Hey, calm down.
Thank you, Mr. Whit.
Yeah, Whit. You make a great servant.
I'm real impressed.
- My God.
LEONARDO: Stay cool.
Who's your tailor?
We're naked.
You okay, April?
- Sorry, guys.
- You all right?
We really don't have time for any
of these social pleasantries, I'm afraid.
- sh**t them.
- Right.
WHIT:
Don't move a finger.
- What did you say?
- I said, sh**t them.
WHIT:
That wasrt part of the deal, Walker.
Well, if you feel like that,
you'd better join them, then, hadrt you?
- Niles.
- Right.
Hey, come on.
- sh**t him too.
NILES: With pleasure.
- Weasel.
NILES: Right, then.
Ready...
Gee, if we die here in the past...
...does that mean
that we don't get born in the future?
Hey, Tinkerbell, why don't you sh**t us?
- Leo, wait...
- I'm sorry. Are you addressing me?
sh**t us yourself,
unless you're too scared.
MICHAELANGELO:
I get it.
He knows he can't k*ll us.
We're demons.
They are demons!
Your b*ll*ts will just bounce back
and k*ll all you guys instead.
RAPHAEL:
Right. What he said, capice?
Would you like the pleasure
of the first sh*t, captain?
Okay. Go ahead, punk.
Make my day.
Well, if it's gonna make
you all feel better.
I've got a good idea.
NILES: What's that, captain?
RAPHAEL: Hey, where's he going?
WALKER:
Out. Out of the way.
RAPHAEL:
What's this creep got up his sleeve?
DONATELLO:
What's he doing?
MICHAELANGELO:
Uh-oh. This doesn't bode well.
Nice bluff, Mr. Leader.
- Major bummer.
- We're toast.
Try this on for size.
RAPHAEL:
Uh, this could hurt.
[LAUGHS]
Boy, do I love being a turtle.
Oh, yes. That's very clever.
Oh, yes. Very clever.
Missed me.
Guess what time it is.
Willy, willy, willy.
MICHAELANGELO: Take a hike, pal.
LEONARDO: Let's get Walker.
Hey, guys.
MICHAELANGELO:
Oh, look. Don King.
[MICHAELANGELO LAUGHS]
LEONARDO:
Smells like a geek ran through here.
My little darlings.
I almost forgot you. Come on.
RAPHAEL: Where'd he go?
- There he goes.
- Out the window.
DONATELLO: Over there.
- Come on.
- Move out the front.
- Cut him off. Come on.
- Come on, guys.
Hurry, Raph.
Right behind you, Leo.
- He's up there, Donny. Come on.
- All right, let's go.
MICHAELANGELO:
This is so good for your calves.
DONATELLO:
Yeah.
Whoa. Stop right there.
MICHAELANGELO:
Or you're a goner, dude.
DONATELLO:
Totally.
What kind of demons are you?
We're turtles, friend.
Of the teenage mutant ninja variety,
sleazeball.
Yeah.
MICHAELANGELO:
Check it out.
This, I believe,
is what you've been searching for.
- Go fetch.
TURTLES: Whoa!
DONATELLO:
Wait. There goes our ride home.
Do you really think I'd make it that easy,
you nasty little reptiles?
MICHAELANGELO:
I got it. I got it.
- I call.
- Guys, to the left.
WALKER:
Oh, not again.
DONATELLO: Mikey, get it.
MICHAELANGELO: I got it.
- It's okay.
RAPHAEL: Don't let go.
DONATELLO:
Mikey. Mike...
- Nice catch.
- I got you. I got you.
- Donny!
- Whoa, got you.
Yes!
DONATELLO: We got it.
LEONARDO: Oh, yes.
[YELLING]
Wow. Bungee jumping without a bungee.
- That could be dangerous.
- You got that.
Hey, guys.
We have an egg timer to catch.
Let's move it.
DONATELLO:
Buckle up, dudes. It's time to go home.
MICHAELANGELO:
Hey, guys, I'm not going back.
APRIL: What?
LEONARDO: What did you say?
I said I'm staying here.
I'm not going back with you.
- Michaelangelo, you can't be serious.
- Jeez.
RAPHAEL:
He's serious.
Hey. Wait a minute.
You are going back to New York.
Been there, done that.
APRIL:
Michaelangelo, it's our home.
Sure. Your home's a nice apartment.
My home's a sewer.
I've been thinking the same thing, Leo.
People appreciate us here.
We don't have to live like moles.
Hey, whoa. No way.
We're all going back.
Tell him, Leo.
LEONARDO: Actually...
- Hey, not to sound selfish or anything...
...but what the heck. Why not?
- I do not want to stay here.
DONATELLO: Me neither.
Do you think I could possibly live
without a single microchip?
[MAGIC CHIMES]
Whoa. Somebody's activated the scepter.
We gotta go now.
Kenshin, no.
We wait years
and this Casey is still late.
I will wait no longer.
Kenshin,
you cannot go without the others.
It would be cowardly.
[BALTIMORA'S "TARZAN BOY"
PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS]
CASEY:
Come on. Hey, come on. Yeah.
Both of you. Yeah.
Come on. Gotta get back.
Time to go.
Come on, you party animals.
I know. Yeah.
Okay, come on. Get it together.
I just wanted to give you guys
a nice peek at the future, all right?
Bet you guys feel lucky
to be going back, right?
Very lucky. We're going back.
Not!
[LAUGHING]
This could really screw up history.
All right. Okay. Enough is enough.
Okay? Let's go.
Come on.
- Guys, you cannot split up.
- What?
You're brothers. Remember?
- Yeah.
- I guess.
- Yeah.
- Raphael-san.
- Hey, Yoshi.
- Yoshi wants to say goodbye.
But we're not going back.
Me and Raph are gonna be staying.
No.
Kenshin must return.
- You promised.
- Well, yeah, but...
Our two families must be united
or the wars will start again.
MICHAELANGELO:
But I thought...
I wanna stay here with you.
You will always be here with me...
...Michaelangelo.
Uh-oh. Guys, it's picking up speed.
Come on.
There was traffic, man.
Benkei, no.
Hey, wait, wait, wait. No.
I been thinking.
We have to go back.
It's our destiny.
I mean, if we stay here...
...we interfere with their lives.
- And that would be selfish.
APRIL: Exactly.
LEONARDO:
Our lives are in New York.
- Right, guys?
- Yeah.
APRIL:
It's Star Trek time, guys.
- Hey, Yoshi man.
- Yosh.
YOSHl: Raphael-san.
- Yo, Yoshi.
I will never forget you, Raphael-san.
I won't forget you, either, little man.
And remember, watch that temper.
Hey, all right.
No, no, no.
I'll put this on layaway for you, okay?
All right?
Giving you an excuse to come back,
Zenmeister.
Okay?
What?
All right. All right.
Benkei.
You got a bus to catch. Come on.
Go ahead.
Go ahead. Good.
It's okay, man. Go ahead.
It'll be all right.
Benkei.
- See you later.
- Later.
Come on, Mikey.
If you ever get to New York...
Yeah, later, Mikey.
Okay. Destiny, what a drag. Bye.
Mikey! Hurry!
MICHAELANGELO: I'm coming!
APRIL: Come on, Mikey!
Come on!
Mikey!
Guys, we made it back to the den.
Michaelangelo?
Mikey?
[YELLING]
LEONARDO: He's got the scepter!
DONATELLO: Get that guy!
- He's got the scepter!
- No!
DONATELLO: Get him.
APRIL: Grab him.
DONATELLO:
Don't let him get up that ladder.
LEONARDO: Mikey?
- Whoa, gnarly.
LEONARDO:
Mikey.
Oh, boy. I can't believe you made it back.
We thought we lost you forever, Mikey.
DONATELLO: Yeah.
RAPHAEL: Thought you were a goner.
LEONARDO: Glad you're okay.
- Hi, guys.
LEONARDO:
You big jerk.
Michaelangelo.
KENSHIN:
Father.
Kenshin.
MAN :
Hockey.
MAN :
Hockey.
Kenshin.
Michaelangelo?
Yes, Master Splinter?
Something deeply troubles you, my son.
Growing up.
I don't think I'll ever laugh again.
Hm.
SPLINTER: Yo, dude.
- Huh?
Yo, dude!
Just like Elvis in Blue Hawaii.
[SPLINTER HUMS]
I saw it on cable.
[TECHNOTRONIC'S "ROCKIN' OVER
THE b*at" PLAYS ON STEREO]
- Oh, boy.
DONATELLO: Hey, Mikey.
Huh?
Raph?
Donny?
Leo?
Gone. Ah!
Yeah. All right, turtle style. Yeah.
Get down with your green self.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
- Yeah, all right.
- Sock it to me.
Let's get down with our turtle selves!
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993)
Moderator: Maskath3