♪ A-a-a-angry beavers ♪
♪ Beavers. ♪
Man:
after a long, hard day
Sucking the bottom of the ocean,
The beautiful, majestic ling cod
heads home
To sleep amongst the rocks
and dream of far-off places.
Sleep well, old friend.
Sleep well.
( Weeping )
( Snorting )
( Hawking )
( Hawking and spitting )
Thank you
for joining us this week
On bill licking's
nobility of the wild
And our special look
at the majestic ling cod.
( Sighs )
I can't wait till bill
does a show on beavers.
Yeah. They could call it
the acerbic beaver.
( Honks )
No, the rugged beaver.
The grandeur
that is beavoir.
Ooh! Fun with beavers!
The splendiferous
beaverama.
( Laughing )
The beavery...
Beeve-boom-ba
beaver thingy.
It'll be great.
Yeah? Well,
come on, dag.
It's time for bed.
Okay.
And remember,
all you noble creatures,
Next time we could be
watching you!
( Both snoring )
( Snoring... )
Onward, mighty stallion!
Onward!
Watch those spurs.
Ah! Ooh! Ooh!
( Yawning )
( Glass clinking )
( Metal screeching )
( Screaming... )
( Snorting )
Norbert! Norbert!
Norbert!
( Honking )
What? What? What?
There's an alien invasion
in the bathroom!
What?
Put... Spaces....
Between your words.
Ooh.
There's an alien invasion
in the bathroom.
My dearest brother
dag-a-lag-a-ding-dong.
How many times
must I remind you
That there are
certain facts of life
That a beaver
must adhere to?
Number one:
when you have
a dreamy-poo,
It doesn't
necessarily mean
That it is reality-poo.
But...
Number two--
I'll be with you in a minute--
As I was saying, number two...
( Both screaming )
Daggett:
see? See? I told you!
I told you!
Norbert!
Hi, boys.
Both:
it's mr. Bill licking.
Oh, please-- just call me "sir."
Boys, you're going to be
the subject of my next big show.
We want to expose you
to the world
So that people
can get in touch
With the beaver
inside themselves.
Would that be okay?
Okay. The chance for
the world to see
We're the coolest mammal?
Of course it's okay.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
Absolutely, definitely
Certainly,
positively,
absolutely,
Yes, yes, yes...
Norbie?
This is an important day
in beaver history, daggett.
So to answer
your question,
I will quote a great beaver
who once said:
"Don't pick it,
you'll only make it worse."
Who said that--
shakespeare?
( Tittering )
Yeah, that's great.
Now, I just want you boys
to act natural.
Don't worry about the cameras
It'll be like
we're not even here.
( Screaming )
Licking:
all right, boys.
Roll 'em!
( Excited conversation )
Daggett:
show time,
everybody.
Come on, come on,
come on.
Last chance to get
a majestic beaver t-shirt, hat
Or personalized umbrella
Before they become
collectors' items.
Remember...
( Chuckles )
After tonight,
we're going to be stars.
( Chanting )
Hello, I'm bill licking
And this is bill licking's
nobility of the wild.
Hey, he wouldn't put
that stuff in, would he?
Nah. No way!
Hello, bienvenido, willkommen,
konichi wa, a bientot.
Tonight, we have a new and very
special segment on our show.
A segment where we take a look
At the lighter,
more humorous side of nature.
It's called
"beavers: big fat idiots."
( Honking )
We told a couple
Of dimwitted beaver brothers
That we were making
a serious documentary,
But instead we decided to
have a little fun.
A day in the life
of the industrious beaver
Begins very early every morning.
Remember, the early beaver
catches the worm-shaped log.
( Audience laughing )
( Ringing )
( Loud honking )
( Glass shattering )
( Laughter, applause )
( Chuckling nervously )
( Laughing )
Licking:
what if the beavers'
quiet sanctuary
Was invaded
by a natural predator?
( Screaming, honking )
( Groaning )
( Belching )
( Audience laughing )
Or better yet,
an unnatural predator.
( Grunting )
Both:
el grapadura!
( Wrestling bell rings )
( Grunting )
( Laughing )
Ha! Ahora que los escurroncidos
mis piernas de racundo
Conozcan el duende de verguenza!
What did he say?
He said,
"you've met my legs of wrath.
Now meet the elf of shame."
I didn't know
you spoke spanish.
Oui.
( Beavers screaming )
( Audience laughing )
And worst of all,
what if they were to face
The most dreaded thing
imaginable:
A visit from their mother!
Hi, boys.
I brought a copy
of your birthday video.
( Slapping )
( Screaming )
( Babies crying )
Daggett:
out... Out!
( Grumbling )
I thought I was going to
be a role model.
But instead I end up
looking like a doof.
A doofy doof--
a king doof!
King doof,
lord and master of doof land.
I want revenge, norbert.
Perhaps we need to
have a few words
With mr. Bill licking.
Licking:
gentlemen, how are you?
( Deep growling )
( Chomping, crashing )
Please, no,
let's have some tea.
( Growling )
Mr. Licking,
I don't want to be rude,
But we couldn't help but notice
that on your show last night
You made us look
like big, fat idiots!
My aquatic dam-building
rodent friends
What I made you is popular.
The cards and letters
are pouring it.
Whoa! What would you say
If I asked you to
do another show?
Another show?!
Listen here, buddy boy,
we wouldn't...
Another show?
We'd love to.
( Grumbling )
You made a fool of us,
you fat rodent.
Good. I have some
really great ideas.
Bill, we have some ideas
of our own.
( Chanting )
Daggett:
daggett's and norbert's...
( Imitating trumpet flourish )
Morons of mankind.
Hello, and welcome to
our new show.
Today we'll be studying
the habits
Of the average big, fat liar.
The normal day of the average
big, fat liar begins
With a brisk ride
on a wrecking ball.
( Crashing )
( Giggling )
Norbert:
followed by a cool dip
In an extremely dangerous
raging river.
Or not.
Next, he watches television
Before engaging
in some vigorous calisthenics.
( Wrestling bell rings )
( Laughing )
( Gasps )
El grapadura!
Yo trabajo por los castores,
señor mr. Bill licking.
( Laughing )
Norbert:
that means "I'm working
for the beavers now,
Señor mr. Bill licking."
( Imitates
el grapadura's laugh )
( El grapadura grunting )
( Gasping )
( Licking screaming... )
Perfecto.
( Laughing... )
This calls for a celebration.
Yahoos for everyone!
( Laughing )
I didn't know
you spoke spanish!
Yeh... Never mind.
( Thunder rumbling )
( Buzzing )
( Slurping )
( Thunder rumbling )
Eee...
Ay-ee.
( Breathing deeply )
I'm staying in bed.
Mm.
( Door slams )
Hey, hey, hey,
come on, norb.
Time to go out
and re-twig the dam again.
But, but...
I don't feel good.
Yeah, right.
Come on, lazy butt.
No, really, dag.
( Forced coughing )
I think I'm sick.
Eh... Ooh.
( Thunder rumbling )
( Coughing weakly )
Ooh.
( Coughing harder )
( Coughing
and snorting )
( Moaning )
( Coughing
dramatically )
( Moaning )
( Teeth chattering )
( Shuddering )
( Moaning )
( Gargling )
Ouchy!
Ouch!
Ache.
( Gasps )
norb!
Was that the--
gulp--
Beaver gargle of ache?
( Gargling )
Ouchy! Ouch!
Ache.
( Worried
muttering )
Holy zoinks, norb,
You must be really sick!
No beaver would ever
do the-- gulp--
Beaver gargle of ache
Unless he was really,
really, ache... Ey.
( Groans )
Daggett:
eeh!
You better stay in bed
and rest.
( Thud )
I'll get you
some breakfast.
Thanks, dag.
( Feebly ):
a tepid bowl of sap...
( Coughs and gags )
...would be nice.
( Stammering )
Is that all?
You sure there's nothing else
I can get you?
Well...
There are a few other things.
( Crackling... )
( Train horn blows )
( Grunting )
( Panting )
Oh!
Now, if you need
anything else,
My poor, feeble, ailing,
Very sick brother,
Just ring this bell
and I'll be right here!
Could it be right here?
Right there,
here?
No. Anywhere?
No. No, here. Here?
No. Here?
There. No. Anywhere?
Just stay put.
( Groans )
( Music playing... )
( Clicks off )
( Ringing )
( Rubber squeaking )
( Pop, thud )
( Chainsaw buzzing )
Huh? Huh?
Huh?
( Moans )
Ooh!
( Ringing )
( Groaning )
( Crash )
Eh-eh?
No, dag.
I wanted that other
moon of jupiter.
Eh?
( Muffled growl )
That's the last
we'll see
Of that giant,
brain-eating brain...
Here at the end,
finally.
Oh! Such a shame.
A brain is
a terrible thing to waste
Like that, that way.
Now, that was a movie!
( Laughs )
If I could only see it again--
In real life.
Tinkle, tinkle, tinkle.
( Gasps )
Oh, no! Ahh!
It's the giant brain!
Eating jeff's brain!
( Squishing )
( Yawns )
( Gurgles )
( Screams )
( Crunching )
( Chain saw buzzing )
Man! This...
Is the life!
( Chuckles )
( Rings )
Dag!
Dag...
( Feebly ):
where are you...?
( Coughs weakly )
( Angrily ):
don't you know
( Feebly ):
how sick I am?
( Angrily ):
you hear me? Dag?
( Feebly ):
dag?
( Wheezing )
( Angrily ):
dag!
What are you doing down
there on the floor?
You've got a deathly...
( Feebly ):
...achy brother
upstairs
In need of your
first aiding.
( Wheezing )
Huh?
I'm coming, norb.
( Panting )
Are you...
( Wheezing )
Feeling...
( Coughs )
...better?
No, dag, I'm still sick as a...
( Gurgling )
( Gargling )
( Retching )
Ouchy-ouch! Ache!
Dag? Is that the beaver
gargle of ache?
Oh, no, don't worry about me.
( Wheezing )
You're the sick one.
As soon as feeling
returns to my legs
I'll bring you your dinner...
Actually, dag
I think
I'm getting better.
Oh, rest.
( Wheezes )
Rest.
You need...
Rest.
No, in fact,
you know,
I don't really
feel that sick
At all anymore.
Hey, how about that?
I'm cured!
It's a miracle!
( Wheezes ):
hallelujah.
Yeah.
Dag.
Oh, dag!
Daggett( feebly ):
oh! Please, norb,
Don't strain yourself
for me.
No way, dag.
You're going upstairs
And that's final.
( Grunting )
( Yelping )
( Crash )
Norbert:
okay.
Maybe I will just
leave you down here.
( Thunder rumbling )
( Chainsaws buzzing )
( Norbert grunting )
Anything else
I can bring down for you?
No. No.
( Coughs )
Oh!
( Thud )
I'm just a poor,
sicknessy beaver, norb.
Go off and enjoy
your...
( Wheezes )
...good health.
I can't enjoy my good health
At a time like this.
Not with you in
This big, bad,
bummery world of ouch!
( Coughs )
Please, norb,
Do something...
Anything... To take
your mind off me.
Like... Like, what?
I hate re-twigging the dam.
Ah! Finale.
Last twig.
All I got to do
is replace this one,
That one,
That one
And all those!
( Thunderclap )
( Rain pounding )
Dag!
Monks ( chanting ):
caveat emptor, habeas corpus,
e pluribus unum, carpe diem...
( Wheezing )
( Feebly ):
sorry, dearest brother,
I'm slipping away.
No! Don't leave me!
If I only I could have a...
( Gasps )
Miracle cure, too.
Dag, I lied to you
before.
Still slipping.
I was never really sick.
I was just faking it.
Faking it, you hear?
( Hoarse ):
I've slipped.
( Howls in grief )
Monks:
...down the stream.
Merrily, merrily,
merrily, merrily...
Daggett ( gasping ):
norb...
Dag! You're alive!
Caveat emptor...
The carpool
to the big kaput
Has made a pit stop.
Spe-ak to me, brother.
Modus operandi,
quid pro quo...
Norb.
( Whispers ):
what?
Norb?
What?
Norb?
( Angrily ):
what?!
( Sing-songy ):
I was faking, too-ooh.
What the...?
( Laughing giddily )
You were...
Faking it?
Yeah. Pretty good, huh?
Did I have you fooled
or what?
Ooh! I'm going to...
( Norbert blubbering
angrily )
( Yelping )
( Yelps )
( Stammering fearfully )
( Clang, yelping )
( Groans )
( Stammering )
Now, norb...
You faked first.
( Shrieks )
And you got me so worried.
How could you do that to me?
I care for you, norbie.
And for you to do
the beaver gargle of ache
When you're not
really ache... Ey
Well, that's
just not right.
You were really worried?
Of course.
How could I not be?
Well...
You're the bestest
brother
In the whole,
big wide world.
You think?
Yeah.
Oh, dag.
Hmm?
I care about
you, too!
Bestest, bestest
brother in the world!
Come on.
Big hug!
( Laughing )
Oh, norbsie,
Let's never trick
each other
Like that again.
Okay? Okay?
No! Really?
Yeah.
That's incredibly sweet
of you, daggy-wag!
( Laughs )
It's fantas-terrifically
Sweet of you, too,
brother dear!
It's so unbelievably
gooshy, mushy, gooey,
Icky sweet as...
( Belches )
Ooh. It's kind
of making me sick.
( Smacking )
Ooh, you're right.
It's sickeningly sweet.
( Both gargling )
( Both retching... )
Ouchy...
Ouch.
Ache.
02x02 - Kandid Kreatures/Fakin' It
Watch/Buy Amazon Merchandise
Revolves around the zany hijinks of Norbert and Daggett Beaver, two young beaver brothers who have moved out of their parents' home to become bachelors in the forest near the fictional Wayouttatown, Oregon.
Revolves around the zany hijinks of Norbert and Daggett Beaver, two young beaver brothers who have moved out of their parents' home to become bachelors in the forest near the fictional Wayouttatown, Oregon.