04X05 - Cell Block

[bunniefuu]

Well, you better look again.

Because there's been a m*rder.

m*rder? Where?

Right here.

On this underwater submarine.

I better wake up the President.

Give me The White House.

Oh my God, that's insane.

Excuse me?

Oh hey.

Oh uh, we were just watching a video.

Yeah, these two horses are...

Put your phones away.

We are rehearsing a play.

Right.

Our bad.

Hey, send me the link to that video...

Stop that!

Jade, let's go from your line.

Jade!

What's up?

Gee-m'nee crackers! I'm trying to teach you kids something about...

[ Musical ring tone ]

One second.

Uh, grandma, what is it?

No. Nobody stole your bed. You're just in the kitchen!

Hang up that phone right now!

Take your pills.

I'm getting sick and tired of...

[ Musical ring tone ]

Ah, what now?!

Oh, I just texted everyone a pic of me.

That's my sister's shirt I'm wearing.

Why?

So weird.

All right. That does it. That tears it!

What?

You people are sick!

I feel pretty good!

I'm talking about your addiction to your stupid phones!

I swear to Pete, you can't go two minutes without...

[ Imitates texting ]

Oh come on, I don't think it's fair to say we're addicted to them.

Ho ho ho ho.

Very well.

Then I challenge you all.

All right.

Let's fight.

I don't think he means a fight.

I will give each and everyone of you...

All "A"'s for the whole semester.

If...?

If you can all go one full week.

Without using modern technology.

No phones?

No phones!

And no laptops or Pear Pads.

No electronic device made since I was born.

Wanna take that bet?

Let's do it.

Okay. Let's do it.

I'm good.

Great.

Let's have your phones.

There you go.

And, the contest begins now.

Great.

Okay.

All right.

Wait!

How will you know we're not using other people's phones?

Because I trust your honesty.

And I'm going to have Sinjin and Burf spy on you.

It's you and me, baby.

[ Music ]

Here I am once again.

Feeling lost but now and then.

I breathe it in to let it go.

And you don't know where you are now.

And what it will come to if only somebody could hear.

When you figure out how.

You're lost in the moment.

You disappear.

You don't have to be afraid to put your dream in action.

You'll never gonna fade.

You'll be the main attraction.

Not a fantasy.

Just remember me.

When it turns out right.

Because you know that if you live in your imagination.

Tomorrow you'll be everybody's fascination.

In my victory.

Just remember me.

When I make it shine.

I don't even miss our phones.

Do you guys?

No.

No.

No.

No.

How long has it been since we had 'em.

A few hours.

It seems like years!

No, it's not that bad.

Years!

Well, uh, one good thing, you know, about not having our phones is it makes us pay more attention to the world around us.

Yeah, like I've never really noticed this before, but a lot of the kids who go to Hollywood Arts are really not very good-looking.

Well, I've noticed some things that aren't cruel to say out loud.

Like?

Like... look, look, there's the Hollywood sign right there.

We can see that from our school that's...

It's really cool.

Yeah, and here's another cool thing.

You guys know how I usually keep my phone in my shirt pocket here?

I don't care.

Oh, yeah.

Well, now, I'm using this pocket to carry cheese, and my allergy pills.

Won't the cheese melt in your pocket?

No, I don't think the cheese will melt in my...

Oh.

Robbie.

Robbie.

Gross.

I miss my phone!

What do you guys think it's doing right now?

Come on Cat, we can do this.

Let's try to not even think about our phones.

Okay but...

Hey everyone!

Look at your phones!

Look at your phones!

Look at your phones.

There's a new funny video on Splashface!

What?

What is it? What is it?

Just go on Splashface and look up wacky donkey!

It's hilarious!

Wacky donkey!

You guys, come on!

It's just another one of those videos. You know, I'm sure it's not that funny.

[ Music ]

[ Tone beeps ]

Mom, what year did they disband the Soviet Union and start calling it Russia?

I dunno, look it up on the Internet.

I can't!

Okay.

[ Tone beeps ]

What? Who texted you?

Oh, it's just Gary.

Your father's friend on the police force.

What'd he say?

Oh, nothing.

I'll just delete this.

[ Door bell rings ]

Hey, could you get the door?

I wanna watch this wacky donkey video again.

It's hilarious, have you seen it?

You know I haven't! Why are you k*lling me?

Look what I got.

What is that?

It's a dog toy that looks like a phone.

Isn't it cool?

I'm coming in now.

Hi Mrs. Tori's mom.

Hello, Cat.

Why'd you get a dog chew toy cell phone?

To help me get through the week.

I mean, I know it's not like having a real phone but at least I can pretend.

But what's the point in...

This is all I've got!

But it's not even...

Can I hold it?

Oh, you girls are pathetic.

When I was your age, we didn't even have cell phones.

Yeah, but you had stuff that we don't have.

Yeah, like dinosaurs and Moses.

Oh for corn sake! Sikowitz isn't here, so just use my phone.

We can't!

Sinjin is out there spying on us!

Can I use your bathroom?

No!

No!

Hey Rob.

Hi.

What is that thing?

It's some kind of prehistoric typing machine.

And it takes me ten minutes to type two words!

That's slow.

I know! Oh, and guess how you fix mistakes!

How?

With this! Paint!

A little tiny bottle of white paint!

Whenever I wanna change anything, I have to paint over it!

Then I have to let the paint dry, and then I have to type over the dried paint!

Yeah, well ya know what it's like for me, having to listen to music on this machine?

What is that?

A record player.

And the only records I got are the ones my grandma bought from 1951 to 1966.

You know what my grandma used to listen to from 1951 to 1966?

No.

Circus music, eskimo opera, and Chinese bee-bop.

You ever listen to Chinese bee-bop?!

I have not.

Well, I did, and now I got a rash.

It might be a Chinese rash.

Do you wanna go to my locker? I have creams and ointments.

Nah.

So why are you sitting on the floor?

Because I try to carry this stupid typewriter to study hall, but it weighs like nine hundred pounds!

It's really heavy?

Uh, yeah.

I tried to put it on my lap, and it almost squished my...

Swimsuit area.

Who are you pretending to text?

My brother.

Can I pretend to text him?

I can't take it! I can't take this!

Want me to rub your shoulders?

Down!

What's your problem?

Do you know what they're showing live, right now, on funnydanger dot com?!

What?

A roller coaster got stuck at Mystic Mountain, and there's an old lady hanging upside down from it!

Oh my gosh, is it someone you know?

No! It's someone I wanna laugh at!

But I can't watch the live video because of our stupid bet with Sikowitz!

All right boys, girls, and others.

Let's get this rehearsal started.

We're gonna start with scene fourteen.

Oh my gosh!

Oh man.

What happened to you?!

Jessica Baxter.

She texted me about a hundred times last night, and I didn't text her back.

Well, did you explain to her that you can't use a phone?

Yeah!

Right after she threw this egg at me and scratched my face!

Aw. Did Becky get eggy'd and scratchy'd?

Yes, yes he did'd.

Listen, if you all wanna use your phones...

They're right here.

Cat no! No!

I need my phone!

I need my phone!

I need my phone!

I need my phone!

I need my phone!

Oh. Get her!

No, no!

Stop!

I need my phone!

Hold her! Hold her!

See?! I knew it!

I told you the girls would cr*ck before us!

Yeah! And we guys don't wanna lose our "A"'s just because girls are weak!

Weak?!

He might have a point.

That's garbage! You guys are just as desperate for your precious technology as we are!

Blehhh.

N'yehhh.

Blehhh.

You all wanna cancel the bet?

No!

No!

Possibly!

We just don't want the girls to wreck it for us.

Exactly.

Right.

Okay.

Then let's change the bet.

Boys against the girls.

Whoever uses a phone or any modern technology first, loses the bet for their side.

It's on.

It's on.

Just to be clear, I am on the boys' side?

Yes.

Sweet.

Can I get up now?

No!

Oh.

Please get off me, please.

I can't! Not 'til Jade gets here.

But I have to use the bathroom.

Do you really?

Yeah.

Are you lying?

Yeah.

[ Knocking ]

It's open, come in!

Okay, I'm here.

Why did you...

Why are you sitting on Cat?

If I let her up, she might try to grab a real phone and I don't know if I can stop her by myself.

I don't think you can. I'm pretty scrappy.

Hey! Stop doing that!

So I'm here to assist you?

No. You're here to help all three of us.

We're on the same team and we've gotta show the guys that we're stronger than them.

Dude, I am going insane not using my phone.

And so are you. And let's face it, Cat is a disaster.

Such a disaster.

There's no way she's gonna make it another five days without texting or using a phone for something.

It's true.

I'd do anything to text someone right now, and I mean anything.

Yeah.

Okay fine.

Then let's just give up now.

Okay, where's a phone, I need a phone, where's a phone?!

Wait!

No!

Help me!

Okay, I'm down.

Think about this, we know we can't win, but...

What if we can make the guys lose?

Yeah.

If they lose, we win.

Uh-huh.

I'm not clear on the plan.

We're gonna trick the boys into using their phones before we do.

Ooh, sounds great. Can I get up now?

You promise you won't run out and use a phone?

Promise.

Cat.

You better sit on me again.

[ Music ]

Oh.

No way!

I can't believe your own sister would do that to you.

I know, right?

Wait, what did Trina do?

Okay, you guys know how I have that weird mole on my butt?

The mole shaped like a fish?

Right.

So, last night, my mom took a pic of it, to send to our doctor.

Oh. Go on.

Well, you wanna know what my evil sister Trina did?

What?

Yeah.

She copied the pic of my butt mole.

And posted it on The Slap.

And now anyone with a phone can just go on The Slap dot com.

And see my butt mole!

Shaped like a fish.

Shaped like a fish.

Outrageous.

Hey.

Let's go check our makeup in the girls' room.

Good call.

I'll follow you both out.

Mmm hmm.

Wow.

A pic of Tori's butt mole.

I sure would like to see that.

Well, there's the box of phones, right over there.

No, I can't use my phone.

If I do, I'll lose the bet for me, Andre, and Beck.

Nobody's gonna know.

We're alone.

I dunno.

Come on Rob. You deserve to see that pic.

I mean, what else do you have to live for?

It's shaped like a fish.

Oh.

Mm-hum.

Okay.

Eh!

Rob no!

Don't!

No, no, I have to check The Slap! No, there's a pic of Tori's butt mole.

Lemme go, lemme go!

There's no pic of Tori's butt mole on The Slap!

But they...

The girls already tried that on us!

They tried to trick you.

Those wenches.

Uh-huh.

But we're gonna get 'em back.

Oh yeah. The game is on.

It's way on.

On like Billy Kwan.

He's a boy I went to camp with. From Asia.

Good kid, you guys would like him.

[ Music ]

Oh.

Ooh, I'm pretending I got another text!

It's from Robbie's friend Billy Kwan, all the way from Asia!

It's kind of sad.

Watching Cat go mentally insane.

I always thought it would happen more gradually.

I texted Billy back! I said, "yay Asia!"

Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Oh my God, I wish it were real.

[ Doorbell ringing ]

Who is that?

Hello.

Will you help me? I'm lost.

You're lost?

Uh-huh. Will you please call my mom and tell her where I am?

Uh, sure I'll call your mom...

Wait.

What?

It's a trick.

So we'll use our phones.

It's not a trick.

Who sent you?!

I have asthma!

Was it Andre? Robbie? Beck? Who?!

I just got lost. I took the wrong bus.

Well, you know what happens to little girls with asthma who take the wrong bus?

No.

They get a face full a door!

What does that mean?

Little Grunch.

Can you believe those guys tried to trick us with a "lost little girl".

Just to try to make us use our phones.

Jerks.

Unless she really was a lost little girl.

What if she was?

Then she'll learn a valuable lesson.

Ya know, always...

Take the right bus.

Cat!

She chewed through her leash!

I'm free!

Come here.

I'm free!

I need a real phone!

I need a real phone! No! No! No!

[ Music ]

I'm in charge of this underwater submarine.

Your point?

You and your husband are accused of a very serious crime.

Now, where is he?

Right behind you.

He's not here.

Dad-gummit, where is Robbie?!

Here I am!

Oh my God.

Why are you dressed that way?!

Because I'm the scuba fairy!

And I'm here to grant all of your underwater wishes!

That is an embarrassing costume!

Really embarrassing!

Yeah!

So nobody better take a picture of me and post it online!

I have to take a picture of him and post it online!

No!

That's what the guys want us to do so we'll lose the bet!

Who cares?! Look at him! This is too good!

Take a pic! Take a pic!

Take a pic! Take a pic!

Stifle! Stifle! Stifle!

I am a teacher and I'm tired of this nonsense!

Here, you want your phones?!

Take them!

Smile Robbie!

Turn around.

Hi scuba fairy!

Yes!

[ Gong ]

That's it everybody!

The boys win!

What?!

Uh-uh, no way!

You said the contest was over!

No, I believe I said, "if you want your phones, take them".

He didn't say anything about the contest being over.

Wait, no no! The guys...

You guys all got your phones too!

Off.

Off.

Off.

You girls turned yours on.

Boo-jah!

Okay.

Sikowitz!

Yes?

You were in on this with them!

You helped the boys trick us!

I absolutely.

But why?

Look, this turned into a contest between the boys and the girls.

Now, I may be an educator, and I may be your friend.

But first and always, Erwin Sikowitz...

Is a boy.

Boy power! Boy power!

Boy power! Boy power! Boy power!

Boy power! Boy power! Boy power!

Boy power! Boy power! Boy power!

You play dirty!

Boy power! Boy power!

[ Tones going off ]

I didn't see that coming.

Whoa!

I got forty-three text messages.

I have two hundred more followers.

Look at the wacky donkey!

Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha!

No!

Oh!