01x09 - Dial 'O' for Oops

[bunniefuu]

- ♪

- Aww, here it goes.

- ♪

♪ Everybody out there

♪ Go run and tell

♪ Your homeboys
and home girls ♪

♪ It's time for Kenan & Kel

♪ They keep you laughin'
in the afternoon ♪

♪ So, don't touch that dial
or leave the room ♪

♪ 'Cause they always
into something ♪

♪ It's fun and you
don't wanna miss it ♪

♪ It's double K
like to the good radius ♪

♪ Kenan & Kel

♪ Or should I say
Kel & Kenan ♪

♪ But you gotta watch Kenan
'cause Kenan be schemin' ♪

♪ With a plan or a plot
to make it to the top ♪

♪ But they kinda in the middle

♪ 'Cause they always
gettin' caught ♪

♪ This ain't the Hardy Boys
or a Nancy Drew mystery ♪

♪ It's just Kenan & Kel
in your vicinity ♪

♪ Like Siegfried & Roy
or Abbott & Costello ♪

♪ Magic & Kareem
or Penn & Teller ♪

♪ Somebody's in trouble

♪ Aw, here it goes

♪ On Nick Ni Nick Nick

♪ Ni Nick Nick Nick

- AUDIENCE:
[cheering, applauding]

- Y'all. Y'all.
What's up?

Right there,
y'all havin' fun?

Yeah! Yeah!
- [applause continues]

- Thank you.

Oh, no, no, no.

No, you guys are
the special ones, okay?

Thank you so much.

- Oh, yeah!
- You know.

- Love it!
- All right.

My name is Kenan
and this is Kel.

Kel, why don't you
introduce the show, bro?

- Okay, okay, but first
I gotta tell 'em about

this movie I saw last night.
- What?

- All right. Okay.

The movie was called
"Fat Baby Jake."

- AUDIENCE: [laughing]
- Uh-huh.

- What kinda movie
is called "Fat Baby Jake"?

Bro, just introduce the show.
- Hold on. All right.

Now the movie was about this
big old baby named "Jake."

- AUDIENCE: [laughing]
- Uh-Huh.

- Oh, please just
start the show.

- In a minute.

So, this bad guy comes
to town, right,

and he's sellin'
illegal diapers,

so the police call in
"Fat Baby Jake" to get him,

uh-huh, but see,
Fat Baby Jake is so big,

he can't get out his crib,
so the police have to

grease him down with
blue cheese dressing,

and, you see,
and that Fat Baby Jake's

tryin' to get out,
he's tryin' to get down--

- [cell phone ringing]
- Hold on.

Hello?

- Would you please just try
to stay with the program!

- Sorry. All right, now,

tonight's show starts
out like this...

see, what happens is--
- [cell phone ringing]

- Excuse me.
Hello?

Hey, what's up?

Really?

Oh, well, that's cool.

Yeah. Yeah.
We'll be there.

All right. Later.

Come on, Kel.

You and I got some
business to take care of.

- AUDIENCE:
[laughing]

- K-Kenan. C-Come back.

Kenan, let me tell you
more about the fat baby,

the fat baby movie,
the obese baby.

K-Kenan?

Aww, here it goes!

- AUDIENCE:
[applauding]

- Would you like the last piece
of cake, Mrs. Dawson?

- Well...

- You'd better take
it before I do.

- I'd feel guilty
taking the last piece.

- Oh, please, go ahead.
- You talked me into it.

- The funniest part was
when you told the lady--

- Oh!

Ahem, boys,
we have guests.

- The Dawsons took us
to the opera tonight.

- Oooh!

- Mr. and Mrs. Dawson, this is
Kenan's best friend Kel.

- What's up?
[laughing]

- Well, many
airplanes are up.

- Huh?
- What?

- You asked me what's up.

I said,
"Many airplanes are up."

See, I work at the airport.

That's an airport joke.

- [exaggerated laughter]

- Uh, I...I don't get it.
- Well, uh...

Kel and I are gonna
head upstairs now.

We got some stuff to do.
- Okay.

- Nice meetin' y'all.

- All right.
- Bye-bye. That's all.

- Good to meet y'all.
Later. All right.

- Oh, sweetie, did you find
the restroom okay?

- Oh, yes, thank you.

- Hello.
- Hi.

- Kenan, this is Amy,

Mr. and Mrs. Dawson's
daughter.

- Oh, uh...nice...grip.

- Uh, you, too.

- Kenan.
- Huh?

- Let go.
- Oh. Oh. Oh.

- Well, seein' that
you're outta cake,

I guess we'd better
be goin'.

- Can't you stay
a little longer?

- No.

- Well, we'll walk
you to your car.

- Whatever.

- Uh, uh, Amy?
- Uh-huh?

- So, y'all went to
the opera tonight.

- Yeah.
- Ew, that must've been awful.

- No, I love the opera.
- Oh! Me, too.

You know, I love
opera with...

with the people
and the singing.

- Oh, really? So, what's
your favorite opera?

- Oh, you know, the one
where the man be singin' like...

♪ La!

♪ La la la la la la
la la la la la la ♪

♪ La la la la la la la--

♪ Hello

- What's the hold-up?
Why is he bellowing?

- Oh, Kenan was just
singing a piece

from one of my favorite operas.
- I don't care.

Amy, we're waiting for you.
Come along.

- I'll be right there, Daddy.

Sorry about my dad.
- Oh, no...he's delightful.

- MR. DAWSON:
Amy!

- You'd better go before that
man bursts into flames,

and he'll be sizzling
and crackling.

- You're so funny.
- Oh, well, you know...

I do enjoy the comedy.
- Well, bye.

- All right, bye.
Take care now.

Remember that...
♪ I love you

- Aw, son, we love you, too.
[kissing]

- That's sweet, boys.

Well, Roger, come on,
let's get this room cleaned up.

- Yeah.
- So, uh, Pop?

- Hm?
- Hold old is Amy?

- About your age-- or so.
- Oh.

Now, uh, you wouldn't
happen to know

if she has like a boyfriend

or a husband or something
like that, right?

- Kenan, that girl
is my boss' daughter.

You just stay away from her.

- But I'm a nice young man.
- I know that, son.

It has nothing to do with you.
It's her nasty father.

Kenan, Mr. Dawson's
not a nice man,

he's mean to everyone,

and I don't want him
being mean to you.

- Yeah, but, Pop--

- You just stay
away from Amy.

- Yes, sir.

Kenan and Amy Rockmore.
Oh...

[kissing pillow]

- [heart b*ating]

- Amy. Amy. Amy.
Amy. Amy. A--

Amy. Amy. Amy. Amy. Amy.
[laughing]

What is this?

- It's about Amy.

- Ya think?

You must have written
"Amy" a thousand times.

Why?

- ♪ 'Cause I'm in love

- With who?

- Well, if you're in love
with some girl named Amy,

why don't you just
ask her out?

- Because I've been forbidden.
- By who?

- His daddy!

[laughing]

Woo!

- Well, you should do
what your father tells you.

- I agree with Chris.

- Oh, in that case,
I must be wrong.

[laughing]

- [mimicking]
Oh, in that case,

I must be wrong.
[imitating laughter]

- Look, I'm gonna
ask Amy out.

That's all there is to it.

- But, Kenan, your dad said--
- Oh, come on.

My dad is married.

He doesn't understand

what it feels like
to love a woman.

Come along, Kel.

- Where are we going?

- To get me a woman.

- Mom? Dad? Kyra?

- I don't think
anybody's home.

- Good. Now where is it?

- Hey, what are
you lookin' for?

- My dad's telephone book.

I gotta look up
the Dawsons' phone number

so I can call Amy.

- Hey, you got a message.
- Just hit "play."

- [answering machine beeps]

- Hello, it's Grandma!

Kenan, you left your teddy bear
at my house Sunday.

- KEL: [laughing]

Aw, your teddy bear
misses you.

- You about to be
missin' some teeth.

- [answering machine beeps]
- Honey, this is Roger.

Mr. Dawson says
I gotta work late again.

I'll tell you what--

that Dawson is a nasty,
evil, bull-headed,

unreasonable jerk!

Oh, well, I'd better
get back to work

before the idiot
comes back!

Bye-bye, sweetheart.

[kissing noises]

- [answering machine
beeps three times]

- Ooh, you'd better leave
Mr. Dawson's daughter alone.

- Aha! Here's my dad's
address book.

Let me see...

Daffle. Dagman. Dawson!
That's it.

Amy Dawson.
- [telephone ringing]

- Kenan? Kenan?
What are you doing?

- I'm not ready to
call her yet.

I need to practice.

Here, you be Amy.

- Who are you gonna be?

- Me! I'll be me.

- Oh, okay, cool.

- KENAN: Ring!

Ring!

Ring!

Ring!

Man, pick up the shoe!

- Okay.

[imitates female voice]
Hello-o-o-o!

- Uh, yes, yes,
is this Amy?

- Yes, it is.

- Oh, hi, this is Kenan.

- Oh! Kenan! Wait, wait!
Let me get off the other shoe.

Girl, guess who
on the other line?

Oh, yeah! It's Kenan!

Woo! You know, the one with
the little dreadlocks and stuff.

All right!
Girl, get off! Get off!

Bye! Bye!

I'm back.

- Yeah, uh...

Amy, would you like to go
out with me some time?

- Uh...no.

- Come on, man!

- Sorry. Sorry.

Oh, sure, Kenan.
I'd love to go out with you.

- Great. So, I guess
we'll like

go to the movies
or something.

- Oh, Kenan, you animal!
[roaring]

- Yeah, so I guess
it's a date.

- Woo! I can't wait!

I'm gonna dress all pretty
and I'm gonna wear

daisies, too, and you're gonna
be lookin' at me and--

- All right, man!
All right!

Hang up!
- Oh.

Hey, I think you're ready.

- I think you're ready for
the psychiatrist, too.

- The psychiatrist?
What you talkin' about?

- Shhh, it's ringing.
- [telephone ringing]

- MR. DAWSON: This is
the Dawson residence.

No one is here
to take your call.

Leave your name and number
at the beep tone.

We'll call you back
when we have time.

- [answering machine beeps]
- It's an answering machine.

What should I do?

- I don't want it.
No, no, take--

Why don't you just
leave a message?

- I didn't practice
leaving a message.

- Well, I think you're
better off.

Why you wanna
date that girl?

Her dad's a mean,
horrible jerk.

- My father's
the one that thinks

he's a mean, horrible jerk.

You know, I mean,
one time my dad said

that Mr. Dawson was so dumb,

he couldn't find his
face--with both hands.

- BOTH: [laughing]

- How can your dad work for
someone who's so mean and dumb?

- Oh, man, Pop said
he's gonna have

Mr. Dawson's job
before too long.

He's just waitin' till he--
- Got his job. Right, Kenan?

[laughing]

What's wrong, Kenan? Kenan?

Kenan? What's wrong, Kenan?

Kenan? Kenan?
- Stop sayin' my name.

- Why, Kenan?
- The phone.

You didn't hang
up the phone.

- So?
- So?

Everything we just
said was recorded

on the Dawsons'
answering machine.

- KEL: [screams]

- I'm sorry!!

Um, I didn't...
Oh, forgive me!

Please don't fire my daddy.
I'm so sorry.

Look, this isn't even Kenan.

You know, my name is, uh...

um...

Fernando.

Fernando Montalban.

I don't even know
nobody named Kenan.

I just...oh...

- Smooth.

- Kenan, wait!
What are you doing? Kenan?

- We've gotta stop the Dawsons
from hearing that message.

- How are you gonna do that?
- I don't know.

Wait.

I got an idea.

Look, all we got to do
is go over to their house,

and replace their answering
machine tape with a new one.

- Well, good luck.
Let me know how it turns out.

- Oh, no, you're gonna
know how it turns out,

'cause you're gonna help me.

- Aw, I knew I'd end
up in a predicament.

- Look, man, I promise.
Nothing bad's gonna happen.

- Nahhh!

- Kel, come on, we don't have
time for you to say...nahhh!

Right? Now, listen.

You get a fresh answering
machine tape

and meet me at Amy's house.

Here's the address.

I've gotta get over there
before they get home.

Hurry up!
- But...but, Kenan...

where am I gonna find
a fresh answering...

Kenan? Where am I gonna find
a fresh answering machine tape?

Aw, I'm talkin' to myself.

- They're not home.
- BOTH: [screaming]

- It's just me!
- It's just me!

- Shhh! Did you
bring the tape?

- Yes.
- Good.

Nobody's home.
- You sure?

- Yeah. Look through
that window up there.

Do you see anything yet?
- I can't reach. Oh!

- Get off of me!
Get off!

Oh, no.

- Don't worry.
I can fix that.

- [glass shattering]
- BOTH: [gasping]

- I can't fix that.

- Did you have to rip
the light off the wall?

- Sorry.

- Mail slot.

I can see their
answering machine.

Oh, the light's
still blinking.

That means they haven't
listened to the message yet.

- Quick, let me see.
- What was that?

- My watch fell off. Oh!

- We can't let
the Dawsons find your watch.

- Okay.
- What?

- I can get it.
[snaps fingers]

I can stick my gum on a stick
or something and fish it out.

- Okay, this better
work, man.

I can put it on
this nozzle right here.

- Just hurry up.

- [chewing gum]

- [smacks head]
Hurry up!

- BOTH:
♪ Da da da da da da

♪ Da da da da
- I almost got it.

- Oh!
- What?

- The gum fell off.
- Get me another.

Hey, the hose is stuck.
Help me yank the hose.

- BOTH: [straining]

- There we are.
- [water spraying]

- What's that noise?
- I don't know.

- Something's goin'
on in there.

[screaming]

- What?
- The hose is on!

It's stuck!

Oh, now I'm stuck!
Turn off the water.

Turn off the water!

- Kenan?
- Turn off the water!

- Kenan?
- Turn off--

[screams]
- What are we gonna do?

- Um, grab those
hedge clippers.

Now get it outta here.

- Punk!
- KEL: Ow!

Why'd you fling
that hose at me?

- I'm sorry. You okay?
All right.

[screams] Soaking.
Soaking wet, Kel.

The chairs, the draperies,
all the moisture.

Oh, it's wrong.
It's just wrong.

Everything is just wrong.

- I've got an idea.
- What?

- Let's run away!
- No, we can't run away.

- But, Kenan--
- No, we're not leaving.

We're gonna stay here
till the Dawsons get home

so we can switch the tape.

- [vehicle approaching]

- [car doors slamming]

- I liked seeing Grandma.

- I wish we could have
stayed a little longer.

- One night at your mother's
house is enough.

What in the world?

- BOY: Newspaper!
- [newspaper thuds]

- Ya punk.

Wake up, Kel.
- Huh?

- Wake up!

We've...we've been
out here all night.

- Where did all
of this water come from?

- A pipe must have burst.

Oh, no, the mail's
all wet.

- Well, what about
my watch?

- Your watch is the last
thing I'm worried about.

- But I want my watch.

- And whose watch is this?

- Maybe I can reach
it with my arm.

- Okay. Come on.

- Hey, do you believe the
Dawsons haven't come home yet?

What the...?

- Kenan?
- Hm?

- Was that car here in
the driveway last night?

- No.

Oh! Oh! Oh!

Hey. Hey.

What's going on, y'all?
Y'all remember me?

- Kenan?
- Hey, Amy.

- What are you doing here?

- Mind if I come in?
- You are in!

- Oh, well, uh...

Y'all remember Kel.
- I got your paper.

Ew, y'all couch
is all wet.

- [smacks head]

- Young man?
- KENAN: Hm?

- What is the meaning
of this?

- The meaning
of what, sir?

- The meaning of you putting
your arm through our door--

and feelin' me.

- It's funny, really.

- Well, go ahead--
make me laugh!

- You know, we all
wanna laugh.

Why don't you come on...
come on in and have a seat?

Have a sit down.

- Kenan, what's going on?

- Well, I'll get to
that part, you know?

You'll have to sit
on the table,

'cause everything is wet.
[laughing]

Everything is wet.
Oh, that's wet, too.

I'm sorry.

Well, uh, it all started
a long time ago,

when I was just
a little thing.

"Little Kenan"
is what they called me.

See? 'Cause I was
smaller then than I am now.

[laughs]

So, anyway, my daddy
loves you.

Anyway, like I was saying,
there was this one day,

I will never forget this day.

This is the funny
part right here.

- Oh, yeah?

I was wondering when
when I was gonna go--Ha. Ha.

- Soon, oh, soon.
Real soon.

See, it was a dark
and stormy night,

or day, whichever one
y'all prefer.

- [chair clattering]
- But, uh, see...

it was a stormy evening
when I came to be on this--

- KEL: Done!
- And that's it!

[laughing]

- Well, we heard no story.

- [snapping fingers]
You know, you're right.

I gotta work on that--
comin' up with a better story.

[laughing]
Come along, Kel.

- [shoes squishing]

- Nice meetin' ya.

All righty, then,
if we could just

forget this whole
thing ever happened.

Bye-bye, now.
- Hold it!

I don't know what's
going on here,

but I'm gonna get your
father on the telephone.

- You really don't
wanna do that, sir.

Y'all take care now.
All right?

- Stay where you are!

- Hey, you can check your
messages, if you want.

- Thank you very much.

- [answering machine beeps]

- Hello, It's Grandma!
- That's not Grandma.

- Kenan, you left your teddy
bear at my house Sunday.

- What is your grandmother
doing calling our machine?

- What tape did you put
in that answering machine?

- I used the tape that was in
your answering machine at home.

- Why?
- [answering machine beeps]

- Honey, this is Roger.
- That's your father.

- Mr. Dawson says I've
gotta work late again.

I'll tell you what--

that Dawson is a nasty,
evil, bull-headed,

unreasonable jerk!

Oh, well, I'd better
get back to work

before the idiot
comes back!

Bye-bye, sweetheart.

[kissing noises]

- KEL: Kenan...
[sobbing]

- Uh, Amy, maybe I could
call you again later,

you know, after
your house dries up?