03x15 - Kreature Komforts/Oh, Brother?

[bunniefuu]

[ Lively dance music playing]

♪ A-a-a-angry beavers

♪ Beavers.

[ Daggett scat singing]

Dag!

What are you doing?

Oh, just living the only life

A beaver should, my brother-- the good life.

Dag, our cousin's going to be here any minute.

So? What's so special

About our spooty cousin anyway?

Dag, I've explained a thousand times:

This is a very special cousin.

Spacious?

From the backwoods.

And mom says he needs to be shown

An especially good time, because he's simple.

So?

So the dam has to look just so.

So what's so special

About this spooty cousin of ours, anyway?

You're not listening.

Of course not.

[ Noise behind door]

That's probably our cousin right now.

[ Screams]

What a freak!

Now, calm down, spunky.

I know he stands on four legs

And doesn't share our dashing pointy features

But this is just the way

A real natural backwoods beaver looks.

Welcome to our home, cousin... Uh...

Hey, what's your name, freak?

Um...

I think he's shy.

Well, I'll just call him "freak."

No matter.

To break the ice

We're going to have to go the extra mile

And show him extra super-special hospitality.

The best way to show hospitality is to share food with a guest.

So stuffed jalapenos-- ya-hoo!--

Breakfast cereal and processed cheesefood products

Should be more than friendly enough.

Is he dead?

It's about time.

You see, he's coming around.

Hey!

He's just a little nervous.

Maybe we're coming on too strong.

Any ideas?

[ Daggett growling]

If you won't be nice, I'll tell mom.

Go ahead.

No, no, no... Don't, don't, don't, don't.

Okay, gummer

Listen up-- this happens to be

My special autographed gold edition

Of the bestest game in the world

El grapadura and ladders.

If this don't bring you around

I'm going to kick your furry butt...

Oh, good idea, dag!

That was very nice of you.

You owe me.

All right

This game is simple enough even for you

Simple freak.

Call him "cousin."

Es a fun game-o.

First, you...

[ Speaking mock-spanish]

Second, you...

[ Speaking mock-spanish]

My game!

[ Screams]

Maybe that's how they play where he's from.

I think our cousin

Must be tired from his trip.

Maybe we can see him upstairs

So he can take a nap.

We made all this just for you, simple freak

So do me a favor and...

[ Rattling ice around]

Stay in here until you leave, okay?

Hey, hey!

Hello!

Norb!

I don't think it's in his nature

To climb steps.

Oh, you freak simple...

[ Grumbling]

Here, let me help!

[ Growling disgruntledly]

I'll show the little fur ball how to...

[ Grumbling]

[ Loud crash]

Mutant.

Hey

Why can't that...

[ Slopping underfoot]

That thing just...

[ Flies buzzing]

Get with it and be normal, baby?

I mean, what's next?

[ Roaring]

[ Screams]

What in the name of vince gardenia's denture glue

Is that?

Cool it, dag.

I know he's different

But ours is not to judge.

We have to be patient.

F-f-fine, freak.

You weren't calling me a freak, were you?

No, not at all.

There, I've been patient.

Now it's time to learn this bumpkin some civilization.

Wait, dag-- he's simply doing

What comes naturally to him.

What happened?

Looks like circus geek was hungry after all.

It's a message.

He's telling us to give up

This pathetic, coddled life we're living.

He's a spirit guide, showing us how to throw off

The chains of modern beaverhood

And return to the wilderness.

He's not telling us jack.

He can't even talk.

If he's so great

Why don't you go live with him?

That's it! I'll prove it to you.

Prove what?

I'm going to go live the life of the wild.

[ Laughs]

Oh, you couldn't live like that.

You wouldn't last a day.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

[ Whistling sound]

Norby!

Yes, dag.

Wait, I got a few more.

Eeeeeeah.

What could I do for you

My commercialized and materialistic brother?

Stow it, hippie.

Right this minute

Your favorite "actoir," oxnard montavo

Is on the tv vision, and you're missing it

Because you don't have cool stuff like tvs.

[ Blows raspberry]

My dearest dagoro-fo

When are you going to understand

That that part of my life is over?

I'm reconnecting with the very thing

We neglected all our lives.

Orphans?

Nature.

Living simply

Free of the burdens of society.

Think, dag, this, this...

This box you live in is a jail cell

But nature, nature is beautiful and powerful.

It's embracing and humbling, it's...

Giving me a headache.

I don't care what you say

About living au naturel

I ain't believing.

If you live wild

You don't have to take baths.

Where do I sign?

[ Grunting]

[ Chattering]

Ah!

[ Flies buzzing]

You were right, norby.

This is the life.

That's right.

The first night of the rest of our life.

That's right, baby.

No worries, no responsibi...

No responsibithingies... No deodorant!

[ Sniffs]

Ah! The real me.

I think I'll pad myself with some extra filth.

Yeah, the good life.

Carefree, and... Yuck... Primal.

[ Exhales]

Cool-- I can see my breath.

[ Teeth chattering]

Hey, you're not cold are you?

Me?

No!

Oh, come on norby, just get in the mud.

It's amazing how something so brown

Can be so warm.

No, i... I'd rather rough it.

Wow, I was wrong about you.

I thought you couldn't live without the comforts of home.

What are you looking for?

I have to go to the bathroom.

Just use the floor.

Ah... Right.

The nature-al way.

Nature-al.

Yeah, maybe I'll just go to sleep.

Yeah, we sure worked hard today.

I can barely... [ Snoring]

[ Snoring]

[ Teeth chattering]

Moisture is the enemy.

Hey!

Aha!

I knew it.

You're all talk, baby.

You thought living wild was going to be so cool

But you can't hack it.

You can't hack it!

So who's the cool one now, norb?

I am, I am.

[ Hyperventilates]

[ Crashes to floor]

It's myhair, dag.

It's my life.

[ Crashing]

You can't even make it one spooty night.

I can hack it, and you can't.

You can hack it?

You're hoarding!

No, I'm not!

When do we start rebuilding the dam?

Right after we find my hairdryer.

Norbert: and I think life can be beautiful

No matter what lifestyle you choose

But let's face it

We weren't cut out for the wild life.

It takes a special breed, you know.

Well, I guess this is good-bye.

I have to get back and help daggett.

So, how'd the freak take it?

You know, dag, i... I wonder

If our little cousin had any idea

What it's like to be modern "beav-oirs" such as ourselves.

That simple freak?

He wouldn't last a day.

He can't possibly expect to live

Like two sophisticated "beav-oirs"...

"Beavoir"?

Such as ourselves, no?

[ Whirring]

[ Lasers]

[ Film projector humming]

Norbert: oh, there's nothing

Like home myoovies.

Hey, norb, there's a weird blob

In the middle of this myoovay.

Wow! You fixed it!

How do you remember to breathe?

Delivery room?

This must be a film of us being borned.

There I am.

There I am aga... Where are you, dag?

I'm putting dad's army hygiene movies back on.

Dag, don't you understand?

Understand what?

You're not my brother!

Yeah, you wish.

And maybe my wish came true!

That other beaver baby who looked like me

He's my brother, not you, you fraternal fraud.

[ Grunts]

Oh, norbert.

I guess it's time to explain the birds and the beavers.

See, I grew up with you, baby

And I loveyou.

[ Kisses]

Therefore I am your brother.

Oh, no.

I'm a-going to find my other brother

And you ain't a-going

To talk me out of it.

What the...?

[ Shrieks]

You is a-going to be so de...

Hey, what's this?

Quiet, please, counterfeit kinsman

My supercomputer is finding my other brother

Whose place you

So illegally occupy.

Hmm, your brother's name is randy.

Attend me, serf.

I have traveled some great distance

To converse with one norbert bea... Bea...

Hey, norbert, you're at the door.

[ Grunts]

Who's at the?

Great caesar's ghost!

Byron!

You're my brother.

Byron?

I've always sensed

That part of me was...

Missing?

I also have sensed for years

That this mindless brute could not possibly...

Norbert: be related to me.

Me, too!

Norbert: I was watching

My parents home myoovies

And I noticed a bizarre incident...

Byron: where we beaver beeyabies were all mixed up at birth.

My parental myoovies had a similar scene.

I used a computer to compare your face...

To the national beaver enlistment database.

That's what I was doing with my super...

Super-antiquated relic.

What you talking about?

That's state-of-the-art.

[ Clicks tongue]

Correctionay, my long-lost brother.

This laser optical super-duper computer is state-of-the-art.

Observe: computer, I desire two bottles of yahoo.

Smashing!

A toast to you, byron, the brother I always wanted.

Byron: thank you.

Norbert: brilliant, sophisticated, good-looking

And most importantly, big-haired.

Uh, and you are... Acceptable.

I suppose that must mean that dag and randy...

[ Chuckling]

Are also brothers.

Byron: was there ever any doubt?

[ Byron chuckling]

[ Snorting]

Those two think they're so smart.

Hey, listen, randy.

I believe that a brother is a person you grows up with

And who lovesyou

So I don't think we're brothers.

So, you want to see something cool?

[ Laughing goofily, snorting]

[ Rumbling]

[ Both yell]

[ Pounding]

[ Daggett and randy laughing]

I hold you liable for this.

Myfault?

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

You're the one

Who didn't keep an eye on his false brother

Because I idiot-brotherproofed my secret room.

You've got a secret room like me?

Witness my portable space-time continuum pamphlet.

[ Voice echoing]: oh, it's paradise.

Yes, of course it is.

Come along, time to go.

[ Norbert grunting]

[ Sobbing]: why?

I was in heaven!

You are not ready for heaven.

You're barely ready for dog fresher creek, oklahoma.

Norbert, I'm starting to wonder

If randy isn't actually yourbrother.

Huh?

Daggett:a tie!

That's the best I've ever done at any game, ever.

Play again.

[ Both laugh]

[ Electricity crackling]

[ Grunts]

[ Muttering]

[ Pulsating]

I am so good at this game

I even impress myself.

Can your mind form something more perfect than a sphere

Brother norbert, or shall we just admit I've won?

Forming stuff with your mind?

What's so hard about that?

[ Grunting]

A cube!

Yeah!

Six sides, buddy-- who's the boss?

Me, that's who.

[ Laughing]

Sphere becomes egg and byron wins once more.

[ Chirping]

Care to play again?

This was, after all, only the children's level.

[ Laughing nervously]: yeah, children's level.

Sure, why not?

Okay, randy, rock, paper, scissors, go!

Uh-oh... Uh...

Scissors...

Scissors cuts rock.

Another tie!

[ Both hooting and laughing]

Yow!

♪ I feel good!

♪ Like a beaver should

Come on, byron, give me the king, give me the king!

That is enough of this caterwauling.

I shall now demonstrate the true beauty of music.

[ Beeps]

[ Classical music playing]

You turned off the hardest working beaver in show business

To listen to this french funeral music?

Retract that remark, you uncouth savage.

I'll retract your face, spoot-for-brains.

[ Rapping]

♪ Who is the spy that is the countdown? ♪

♪ It's daggett!

Yeah, good god!

♪ He lives beneath the ocean.

Yo!

♪ Ah, oompty, oompty, ah, action, whoo! ♪

[ Music ends]

That strange display...

Whew... Uh-huh.

Has suddenly reminded me

Of how slim my alternatives to you are.

Uh-huh.

Yo!

[ Clanging]

Shall we refrain from petty squabbles, brother?

Sure, byron.

Bighug.

[ Grunting]

Please release me, you pusillanimous bucket of beaver.

Sorry, old chap, I just prefer

Hearty handshakes to big hugs.

Oh, sure, if that's what you...

[ Yelling]

[ Gasping]

All this folderol has left me famished.

Uh...

I can probably scrounge something up.

Sandwiches?

[ Laughing]

Odd, I had assumed you'd be a master chef.

Oh, I am.

I didn't... I didn't...

You did not find me worth the effort.

Oh, i-i-i understand.

[ Sniffling]

I guess you cannot bother

For little old me.

No, I'd love to feed you.

I may be a tad out of practice, though

Because usually I just trick dag into cooking... For me.

You...

You just norbed me!

Yes. I gulled you into preparing my food, and--

Pay attention because here comes the funny part--

You were no harder to trick than randy.

[ Laughs]

Get out of my head!

[ Whimpering]

Hey, norb, check this out.

Randy, laugh real goofy if I'm smarter than you.

[ Laughing]

[ Laughing]

Yes!

Oh, baby!

Big deal, dag.

Observe.

Randy, if dag is a doofussy buffoon, laugh out loud.

Ow!

Ha! Randy doesn't think I'm a doofus, norb.

Of course he doesn't, because he's yourbrother.

[ Snorts]

Norby, my brother is the person I grew up with

And who lovesme.

You're stuck with me, bro.

You may wish I was your brother, dag, but I'm not.

That arrogant, vitamin-shake-slurping

Creep over there is my brother.

Mmm...

Do not be so sure.

My computer has encountered some type of parameter error.

There is a one- in-a-googolplex possibility

That you may not be my brother.

I shall clear this up.

Computer, who is my real brother?

Computer: a brother is the person whom you grew up with and who lovesyou.

Error, error, my mind is going.

[ Laughing]

In your face, mr. Perfect.

You dumb [ grunts]...

Dumb [ grunts]...

Dumb computer!

Now I'll never know who my real brother is.

Bryon, I grow fatigued

By your penchant for grandiloquent bombast.

Endeavor to quell

Your vexatious, saponaceous prattling

For a duration.

And enucleation shall transpire subsequently.

Randy, you spoke.

I elected at birth, however, to remain incommunicative

To avoid discomfiting your meager intellect.

You mean...

I'm the stupid one?

Yep.

I beg forgiveness

For any opprobrious conduct

On byron's behalf.

I should never have indulged

His real-brother delusions.

I am sorry, daggett.

Ah, it's cool.

I know how these dumb brothers get.

Hey, I'm the smart one.

[ Laughing]

You? The smart one?

You were correct, comrade dag.

He isan ironically thick-witted specimen.

Yep, a real mouth-breather.

I tried to tell him that, amigo

But his rudimentary intelligence fights the truth.

[ Sobs]

[ Sobbing]

It's time to go.

No, don't cry, don't cry.

I'll give you a big hug.

[ Crying out]

Oh, stop it, you abomination.

I'm not the stupid one, I'm not.

Uh-oh, it looks like someone needs a nap.

I sure hope you've learned your lesson, norbert.

I don't know what came over me, dag.

I always knew you were my brother.

Come on, big hug!

[ Straining]

Hey, I got a better idea.

Hearty handshake, brother.

[ Yelling] [ sobbing]

And nickelodeon]