03x20 - Slap Happy/Home Loners

[bunniefuu]

[ Birds chirping]

[ Classical music playing]

[ Alarm blaring]

Must... Sound... The alarm!

Trixie, take us to defcon level five.

Defcon level five, mr. N.

Ow!

One minute to shutdown.

Dag, where are you?

[ Screaming]

He's outside in the pond, mr. N.

Oh, no!

Seconds to shutdown.

I'll save you, dag.

You're alive!

Oh, for joy!

[ In jiggling voice]: I'm glad to see you, too, norb.

Somebody sounded the beaver tail slap alarm!

Hey, I've got the coolest thing to show you with my tail.

[ Loud slapping noise]

[ Alarm sounding]

Kooky!

[ Siren blaring]

[ Screaming]

Daggett, you can't do that!

Sure, I can. Watch.

No!

Hey, hey...

It's okay, people.

This was a test.

This was only a test.

Trixie, take us to defcon one.

Defcon level one, mr. N.

Thank you, trixie.

You're welcome.

Dag, dag, dag!what, what?

Listen to me!

The tail slap is the ultimate sound

Of beaver distress.

[ Snorts]

Cool.

It warns the whole forest of impending doom.

[ Snorts]

Yeah, and it's fun, too.

Fun?! Yeah.

What would this world be like

If everyone did stuff because it was fun?

Happy? Mm, huh?

You can't just slap whenever you feel like it.

Don't you remember what dad told us about slap johnson?

Slap johnson?

The hapless beaver

Who slapped himself silly?

Ah, y... No.

Slap was a beaver who had it all--

Good looks, good job and a gibson, trini lopez guitar

Until he abused the sacred slap.

[ Loud slapping]

Soon the beaver who had it all...

Lost it all...

All because he didn't control his tail.

Ah, that's the biggest crock of spoot I ever heard.

Daggett beaver...

What?

I do not believe my ears

That look like fins on my back.

Eh...

Wait until dadhears this.

Dad: already did!

Da-da!dad?

You found me.

Hey, boys, you miss me?

You bet, da-da.

Uh, sure.

Hey, daggett. Yeah? Yeah?

You want to press my poo spot?

Ooh, yowza!

Ah, boy, not this again.

[ Raspberry-like noise]

[ Frenzied laughter]

There's something wrong with that boy.

Do it again, da-da. Do it again!

Hold your jumbly buns.

Okay, I'm holding them.

We'll have plenty of time for poo spotting later.

I came because I heard your s.o.s.

Actually, I didn't hear it.

Your mother did.

Swear that woman has radar.

It was dag's slapping.

Uh-uh.

He was doing it just for fun.

I do not believe my ears.

See, dag, I told you. See!

I do not believe

You were squealing on your brother, norbert.

See, norbert.

Thought I raised you better than that.

No, wait, I raised dag better than that.

[ In low voice]: da?

Just kidding ya, son

But remember, even though we're rodents

Nobody likes a rat.

Daggett! Yes, papa?

It's time we had a little talk

About tail-slapping.

Isn't it great?you betcha!

Dad!

Calm down, son.

I'm just kidding.

Why don't you go set up

That fancy foreign film projector of yours.

It's time you boys saw... The movie.

Narrator: it's another, well, peaceful day in the forest...

Or is it?

This beaver better think fast.

Should he, a: stand his ground and fight like a rodent?

[ Woman screams]

B: duck and cover?

Or c: slap his tail to warn everyone

That danger is afoot?

If you chose "c," you would not be incorrect.

[ Jaunty music playing]

The beaver tail slap, when used properly

Keeps everyone in the forest safe and happy

But on the wrong rump

This power can lead to the ruination of life as we know it.

With no beaver tail slap to rely on

All the animals in the forest are quickly wiped out

And without animals

The forest dies quicker than leonard nimoy's singing career.

[ Monkey screeches]

Soon the earth is shrouded in a...

Shroud of smoke and burning embers.

The polar ice caps melt away.

[ Alarm sounding]

Oh, no! What's that noise?

Why, it's catastrophic global flooding.

Soon, every beaver dam on earth will be swept away.

So remember, young beavers:

If you flail with your tail

Doom and destruction will prevail.

You understand now, boys?

Yeah. All we have to do is build our dam higher.

We can slap all we want.

Hey, good thinking!thanks.

Dad!

But that's not exactly the point.

Aah...

As long as I live

I'll never, ever slap again.

That's not exactly the point, either.

You boys are old enough now.

It's time you learned the finer points of tail safety.

Boys, the tail is not a toy.

It's a very powerful tool.

Now, I know slapping's fun. I do.

I really do.

The cr*ck in the air

The jolt of the tail

Makes a young beaver feel alive.

I'll say.

But don't do it!

One wrong slap

Can blow your tail to valentine, nebraska--

The bad part.

Saw guys do it in the army. Wasn't pretty.

Okay, da-da, I'll stop.good boy.

After one more, please, just-just one more time.

Settle down now.

I'll never ask for anything again.

Okey-dokey.

One more.

Hey!

You never let me have an extra slap.

Not that I'd ever want one.

Oh, sure you would.never!

You sure about that?

I am a beaver of self-control.

Ease up, norb.

I heard you slapped before you left home.

You used to do it in the bathtub allthe time.

I was washing my tail, I swear.

Quit your squawking, and listen up.

I'm going to let you in on a little secret.

It's okay to slap as long as you slap responsibly.

[ Gasping]

What are you saying?

I'm saying you save the big bahootie

For real emergencies

And you never slap around open flames or indoor.

Time for one quick slap lesson, then I got to high-tail it home.

Get it? "High-tailing."

A good one, dad.

[ Chuckling]: f-funny.

No, it's not.

Now, for starters, you have the jazz slap.

[ Jazz music begins]

Koo-koodalie-koo! Can I try?

Now hang on.

Now this here is the stereo slap.

Uh, dad?

[ Samba music playing]

Ooh, can I try now?

No, no, not until I'm done, you hear?

It's been years since I've done this.

I don't think I belong in this family.

Bye, norb.

I'd rather have you slapping

Than playing that french horn of yours...

[ Chuckling]

...but we'll talk about that later.

Oh, woe begets i.

I am out of here.

Now you just hold on there a little bit longer now, dag.

All right, I want to show you the basic slap-a-dilly.

[ Laughter]

[ Conga music playing]

[ Earth-shattering slap]

[ Dag giggles]

You're a natural, kid.

Yeah!

And a one, and a two, and a...

[ Cha-cha music playing]

[ Scatting]

Oh, yeah. Slap me.

I just have one more thing to say...

[ Snarling]

[ Mumbling incoherently]

Ah, stop being such a wet blanket, norbert.

[ Stuttering]

Attaboy! I knew you'd come around.

Control yourself a bit.

If you'd have slapped a little bit more often

You wouldn't have had this problem.

[ Whimpering]

Well, feed me garlic, and call me unimerkel.

If it ain't my old pal, slap johnson.

What's slappening, fellas?

You're slap johnson?

In the fur.

But dad told us you were a hapless beaver

Who slapped himself silly.

Aw, y-your mother made that up.

Sorry, slap.

She never did forgive you

For my bachelor party.

That's okay. It was worth it.

Was it ever!

[ Loud slap]

What do you say we do some white-water slapping

For old time's sake?

Well, I really ought to be getting home to the missus

But what the hey?

It's not every day I get to jam with my old pal, slap.

Oh, oh, can I come, too?

Oh, please, slap papa?

Now, I don't see why not.

Just don't tell your mother.

[ Excited chattering]

Norbert, you coming?

No, you go.

I-i don't think I'd be any fun.

No, he wouldn't.

Suit yourself.

Come on, boys.

[ Slapping]

I learned a new one on my last tour of duty.

This is the slap of siam.

Daggett: oh, how exotic!

Dad: good one!

This is my new symphonic slap.

[ Slapping]

[ Whistling]

Boo-boo, boo, boo, boo.

Boodly-boodly, boo.

[ Whistling]

Boo, boo, boo, boo-boo.

[ Evil chortling]

Okay, you spooty ants

Prepare to meet your...

[ Screaming]

[ Whimpering]

[ Whistling]

♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, bee-do. ♪

[ Whining]

Norby!

I got an owie!

Daggie, I'm home.

Daggie?

Daggie wag?

Dag?

Ooh! Ooh! Aah! Ooh! Oh!

Ointment! Ointment!

Ah!

Cooling action mentho-rub.

Huh?

"Norby-- went to burn, eh, study ants.

Be home late, daggett."

Ah, alone at last.

[ Grunting]

Battle for the valley

Of the hills that have ears.

Perfecto.

Time to veg with a movie and some leftovers

And a refreshing yahoo.

[ Grunting]

Norby?

Hmm.

"Dearest dag-a-laga

"My name's a dag, and I'm a spoot-head, eh.

"Comma, new paragraph--

"Went to paint nature in all its glory

"And linger upon the stormy el greco sunset.

"See wa-ya later.

"Love, norb.

"P" dot "s" dot-- in case you didn't notice

You just called yourself a spoot-head."

Oh, goody, I'm all alone.

[ Laughing]

Hey, hey...

Why is the tv on?

[ Giggling]

Ooh, of course.

How could I be so blind and not see?

It's so oblivious.

We've had the tv so long

It knows to turn on when I come into the room.

Duh!

Announcer: it's the loco crazy misadventures

Of sheriff el grapadura.

[ Whooping]

[ Humming and scatting]

Be like chimpy!

Es el pesto!

[ Laughing]

Announcer: okay, kids, time to take out your el grapadura action figure

And play along.

[ Gasping]

Gasp in parentheses!

Grapadura!

Donde esare you?

What the...?

¿Chimpy, donde esta mi plata de plata buena?

Ah, that's better.

[ Grunting]

Oh! Imported dutch yahoo.

No twist-off.

Bueno, bueno, bueno.

Oy! Hijole!

Hmm.

Eh, spooty tv, put my show back on.

[ Gasping in awe]

I'm sorry I insulted you, o, great tv.

Bueno.

Donde esta mi discotequeador!

Ha-ha!

Did you hear that, kids?

Time to use a decoder to figure out your clue!

"A" equals "g" and...

"B" equals "e."

Look at the arm go!

[ El grapadura laughing]

What in the name of victor wilson's...

...balding pate do I have to do to fix this thing? Eek!

This can only mean one thing:

The dam is infested with some kind of pests.

It could be insects

But judging from the bite radius

It may very well be the vermin that dare not speak its name:

T. Garden and van winkle.

Either way, it's time to set the traps.

[ Grunting in pain]

Stupid, eh!

Stupid, eh!

Stupid...

Adios.

A-ha! The decoder ring.

[ Laughing]

Perfect!

[ Crashing]

"A" equals "g"

And "b" equals...

Come to papa, bug man from atlantis.

[ Traps snapping]

[ Daggett screaming]

[ Distant screaming]

It's much bigger than i...

[ Screaming]

Eh.

[ Muffled]: this is bad. This is bad.

[ Grunting]

Normally, I would say traps like this would mean

We had bugs or a faded star

Of prime-time soaps in the house.

Youch!

But we didn't set any traps.

[ Grunting]

So who did?

Yow!

[ Teeth chattering]

[ Screaming]

[ Chittering]

[ Shuddering]

The battle... Is on!

[ Screaming]

Aliens!

Aliens are here to abduct me and experiment me.

I got to get-- "experiment me"?

I got to get out of this place!

I can't let them take me.

They'll poke me and prod me and then the fun will end

And the experiments will begin.

They'll get into my brain

And find out how to rule the world, eh?

Eh?

No, I can't be a coward!

If I can reason with them

I may be able to save the world.

And if not, maybe I can just save myself

And let everyone else suffer.

Yes!

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

It's my beav-earthly duty

To be an ambassa-doof of peace

And save myse... The earth!

[ Buzzing]

[ Laughing]

[ Speaking gibberish]

My name is daggett, but you may call me:

[ Speaking alien gibberish]

[ Burps]

Better make sure my breath is minty fresh, though, huh?

[ Burps]

[ Gargling]

[ g*n blasting]

[ Glass crashing]

[ Grunting]

Almost ready.

Now all I need is a peace offering.

[ Laughs]

That's it!

Bubble wrap.

Oh, hope it's still good.

[ Pops]

[ Gasps]

Sotto surprised.

They're here.

Bring slubsie!

[ Coughing]

[ Screaming]

Ooh, ooh, ooh!

It's not a beaver's place to save the world.

No, no, no, no, no. I need the army.

That thing's too much to handle.

I got to call an exterminator.

Hello? Hello?

Hello! Hello!

Daggett?

Norbert?

Where are you?where are you?

Where do you think I am?

Where are you?

You know darn well where I am.

Listen, dag, this is serious.

Wait, norby, I got to tell you something.

[ Gasps]

[ Screaming]

Dag! Norb!

[ Both chattering]

...but they were too scary-looking and I ran!

I ran.

Huh? What'd you say?huh? What'd you say?

I didn't hear you.i didn't hear you.

Ah, never mind.ah, never mind.

Hey, did you say you were scared?

Me?! Oh, no.

Why would I say something like that?

I didn't say I was scared.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, me, neither.

So, now what?

Oh, I don't know, uh...

I've got it!

Why don't you go inside?

Oh, okay, good.

Uh-huh. Uh, me?

Yeah. No.

Go on! No, no, after you.

Oh, no, no, no, no, after you.

No, no, no, after you.

No!

It's sweet of you, dag

But go ahead; go first.

No, no, no. Come on.

Daggett: no, after you!