01x11 - Episode 11

[bunniefuu]

Here! Let's try this side door!

Ok, penelope.

Yeah?

Hello, sir. My name is penelope taynt.

My younger sibling and I would like to enter these premises and--

Ooh! Locked!

Why won't they let you in, penelope?

Just get in the van!

All right, preston.

Help me set this outside, please.

But what is it, please?

It's a robot.

What is it for?

It will help me locate amanda

So I can finally make her acquaintance, please!

But what--

Just get in the van.

Doors!

[Beep]

I will now activate my robot.

[Beeping]

I will now maneuver my robot into position, please.

Ok, penelope.

[Knocking]

What the--

[Beeping]

What is this thing?

Hello.

What are you?

Sweet dreams, guardsman!

We're in, preston! We're in!

My robot will now locate amanda!

Will you make me a sandwich?

No, please!

[Beeping]

Boring.

Grrr!

You've got to believe!

Bye-bye.

Ooh!

Aah!

Oh. Mm-hmm!

Howdy, actors!

Gimme!

See ya!

Shabow!

Cool guys!

Love ya, dan.

Coming!

Hey! Ow! Ow!

Boingity-boing. Ah!

Huh?

[Cheering] look out!

♪ Ah...

♪ Manda manda manda manda manda ♪

♪ Manda manda manda manda manda ♪

♪ Manda manda manda manda manda ♪

♪ Show

Let's go!

Thank you! My name is amanda!

For the next half-hour, you people are my new best friends!

[Loud cheering]

Thank you. All right.

Now, I'm really excited to be here tonight because--

All: ♪ for she's a jolly good fellow ♪

♪ For she's a jolly good fellow ♪

♪ For she's a jolly good fellow ♪

♪ Which nobody can deny

Happy birthday!

Happy birthday, amanda!

[Loud cheering]

Amanda: thank you, guys, but it's not my birthday.

Oh, I thought it was her birthday.

Be dumber.

Sorry, amanda.

Oh, no, wait. Come on.

Amanda, why don't you make a wish anyway?

[Loud cheering]

Ohh...

Ha ha! There.

Yeah!

[Loud cheering]

So what did you wish for?

She can't tell. Then it won't come true.

I can tell you what she wished for.

A cute guy.

I did not wish for a cute guy.

Hi. I'm here for amanda.

All: ooh!

Hey, I thought you didn't wish for a cute guy.

I didn't.

Hey, I'm here for amanda.

Ha ha!

Oh, so you wished for twocute guys.

No.

All: ooh!

Amanda: wow! Wishes really do come true!

So stick around. We'll be back in a second.

Whoo!

[All cheering]

[Music playing]

This car is lame!

I hate this truck!

Hey, you guys. Let's race...pizza!

Race?

Pizza?

Race pizza?

Oh, wow! Pizza-rific!

With mushrooms and onions!

Let's race!

Yes! Let's! Yes! Lets!

[Wheels squealing]

Eat my crust!

I'm going to win!

I'mgoing to win!

Together: what the--

Amanda: sorry, boys!

Nothing beats pepperoni!

Mmm! That's good vehicle!

Announcer: remote control pizza!

Illegal in some states.

Amanda: how fast is yourpizza?

[Cheering and applause]

Whup-ti-do!

Not a problem.

Thank you.

Hello, and welcome to the museum of irreplaceable items.

Can I help you?

Hi. I'm katie klutz.

You're holding tickets for my family, the klutzes.

Yeah. Oh, here you are.

Oh, thanks. Uh-huh.

Whoa!

Not a problem.

Come on in, family.

Ooh.

All: whup-ti-do!

Not a problem.

Katie: here are the tickets, family.

Oh, gimme mine!

Not a problem.

Oh, yes.

Hi. My name is tori.

I'll be your tour guide through the museum.

Hi. We're the klutzes!

Yes. This way.

All right. Now, this case contains items

Found at an ancient indian burial ground.

These are very old and very rare.

Wow. I want to get a closer look at those items.

Not a problem.

Hey, family. Can you help me out of this case?

All: not a problem.

Not a problem.

Uh, over here we have a very interesting display

Of a small dinosaur known as the teenysaurus.

Oh.

The only one of its kind.

Wow!

Whup-ti-do!

Not a problem.

It isa problem.

L-let's move on. Um...

[Ring]

Oh, that's my cell phone.

Ow!

Uh, not a problem. Excuse me.

These shelves are filled with rare, fragile glass objects.

These were all made by abraham lincoln when he was a boy.

Wow. Abraham lincoln made all these?

Yes, he did.

Mom! Phone's for you!

Oh, toss it here, sweetie.

Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

Not a problem.

It is a hugeproblem!

So, what other items do you have for us to see?

Well, uh, take a look at this.

This is a suit of armor worn exclusively by george washington

It's armor--

Very difficult to destroy.

Wow! Is it heavy?

Oh, yes, it's heavy.

Please put that down!

Oh, this isheavy! Oh!

Not a problem.

[Crash]

[Tires squeal]

[Crash]

[Alarm sounds]

Not a problem.

[Insect buzzing]

Hey, dad! Dad, there's a fly in here!

A fly? Well, we better get it before it damages some of these items.

No, please. Forget the fly.

No. We'll k*ll it.

Family, everyone grab something

To hit the fly with.

Right.

Ok.

Got one.

Tori: no! No!

Father: not a problem.

Not a problem.

[Tori shouting]

Boy: not a problem.

Not a problem.

Look what you klutzes have done!

You've destroyed everything.

Yes, but at least the building's safe.

[Rumbling]

Whoa! Whoa!

Father: whup-ti-do!

All: not a problem!

[Applause and cheering]

Come on, scoomper! Here, boy! Come on!

Hee hee! Ok!

Scoomper, that's enough. Ok. Ha ha ha!

Hee hee!

Off!

[Ruff]

Ok, scoomper. Go fetch the ball.

Thatta-boy. Go get the ball.

Get the ball, scoomper. Come on!

Bring it! Come on!

Come on, scoomper.

[Ruff ruff]

Boy: hey!

A bicycle?

Can I have my bike back?

Sorry!

[Crash]

Boy: ow!

Now go get the ball.

[Ruff]

Woman: hey!

[Baby crying]

Baby?

Woman: can I please have my baby back?

Here you go.

Thank you.

Now go fetch the ball!

[Ruff ruff]

[cr*ck]

Stop sign?

[Tires squeal]

[Crash]

Man: my car!

Go put the stop sign back and bring me the ball!

[Ruff]

Man: yow!

Leg?

Man: hey, could I get my leg back?

Sorry.

Thank you!

Now go fetch the ball!

[Ruff ruff]

Grr!

Monster? I didn't ask for a monster!

I asked for the-- monster?

Aah!

[Whimpers]

[Belch]

[Applause and cheering]

Hey, there, and welcome to...

All: the girls' room!

Ok. I'm amber, and I'm pretty on the inside andthe outside.

I'm sheila. Don't get on my bad side.

I'm tammy.

I'm an exchange student from tennessee.

Oh.

My daddy sells sponges.

Her name is debbie.

My name is debbie.

You spell it d-e...

Ebbie.

That's great. Now can you spell s-t-upid?

I like eggs.

Oh, for the love of tennessee,

Can we please move on?

Ok. Today's a very special day in the girls' room

Because it's time for our first annual...

Ok. Now, the first girls' choice award

Is for the worst food ever served in the cafeteria,

And the nominees are...

Sloppy joes...

Noodle goo...

Pork loaf...

And fish burgers.

And the award for the worst cafeteria food ever goes to...

Faol krop.

Faol krop?

Ohh...

Pork loaf!

And here to accept the award is our school cafeteria lady--

Miss shapein.

Congratulations, miss shapein, on your horrendous pork loaf.

I couldn't have done it without the pork.

Ok. Like, bye.

See ya.

Ok. Now, our next award is for the best cable tv show,

And the nominees are...

The girls' room!

Good morning chess club...

Cooking with miss shapein...

And locker room hygiene with coach squaddle.

And the award goes to...

[Whistle blows]

Hey, it's a fix! I want a recount!

Sorry, coach squaddle.

Holy cheese!

I'm in the girls' room!

Ok. Now, our final award goes to the most popular girl in school.

Wow. I wonder who will win.

Faol krop!

And the nominees are...

Amber...

Amber...

Amber...

And tina capone.

And the winner is...

Tina capone?!

I won! I won! I won!

I'm sorry. Tina capone could not be here to accept this award.

But I'mtina capone. I'm right here.

Sheila.

Come on.

Tina: oh!

[Toilet flushes]

Well, since tina can't be here to accept this award,

I'll be happy to accept the award on my behalf!

Ha ha!

Ok. That's all the time we have.

Tina: but I'm right here in the stall!

[Toilet flushes]

Remember, I'm popular!

I'm bad.

I'm from tennessee.

Faol krop!

[Cheering]

It's time for hillbilly moment!

Hee hee!

Hee hee!

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Skunk.

Skunk who?

I'm going to hit you now with a skunk.

Huh?

Ha ha ha! That's good!

Yup.

[Cheering and applause]

[Beeping]

Where's the robot now, penelope?

I think it's backstage somewhere, but I don't see amanda yet.

Where's amanda? Amanda, please.

Amanda! Amanda, please!

Ah! Ah!

Ooh! It's the dancing lobsters!

[Gibberish]

I'll speak to them!

Hello, lobsters.

[Gibberish]

Don't be alarmed, lobsters.

I mean you no harm.

This is the voice of penelope taynt,

Amanda's number one fan, please.

I have my own amanda web site--

Www.amandaplease.com.

[Gibberish]

I'll show it to you. View my screen.

Here's the home page where I'm currently featuring

My all new amanda fix the pix game.

I'll explain.

Click, please.

See, these are ripped-up pieces of an actual photo of amanda.

I found them in amanda's trash can.

If you log on to amandaplease.com,

You can reassemble this photo of amanda

And view it on your home computer, please!

Now I will show you the downloadable amanda video clip of the week.

Watch as amanda squirts aerosol-powered cheese

Onto her sweet fist.

Mmm! Look at that cheese ooze.

Keep going. More cheese, please.

I'm enjoying this.

All right. That's enough of that, please.

Now back to the home page, where you can find many more

Amanda-tastic clickables to click upon.

[Lobsters chattering]

Thank you, please.

Hey! There's the robot!

Get away from that robot!

Uh-oh! It's that man!

Good eye, preston. Good eye.

But have no fear! Anti-memory beam!

What was I doing?

Now to find amanda!

[Beeping]

Will you make me a sandwich now?

No!

[Cheering]

Amanda: from his garage, it's...

Kyle: um, one time...

I saw this, like, tv show that I really, really liked

Because it had, like, this funny guy

And this dog that was barking,

And he had this, like, really weird bark, you know.

It was all...

Woofa! Woofa!

Or something like that.

So I wanted to watch that show again,

But I forgot what channel it was on.

Ok.

Amanda: that was totally kyle!

Kyle: totally!

[Playing fast tune]

Good evening. I'm amanda.

You may remember me as cousin oliver from the brady bunch.

There's a tragedy sweeping the nation

That deserves our attention.

The sad truth is, very few people know what to do

When old ladies att*ck.

We've all heard about these terrifying att*cks by old ladies,

But now, caught on videotape,

You're about to actually witness one of these actual events

Just as it actually happened.

You see the man innocently washing his hands.

Now watch the door.

The old ladies sneak in.

The man turns and tries to defend himself,

But he's far too weak and pathetic.

The old ladies overpower him with purses and umbrellas.

Now let's look at that att*ck again in slow motion.

The poor old man had just finished his lunch--

A tuna melt and large cream soda.

He thought he was safe in the men's room,

When out of nowhere, the old ladies att*cked.

[Audience laughs]

Man: I had just finished my lunch.

Uh!

Tuna melt and a large cream soda.

So, I'm in the men's room, washing my hands

When out of nowhere...

Lo and behold, these crazy old ladies,

They swoop in with the attacking and the swatting

And the bad language.

I was so frightened.

And my hands still smell of tuna.

[Audience laughs]

Amanda: truly horrible.

Now watch as a casual walk home from the movie theaters

Suddenly turns into a crime scene.

A young couple were sh**ting home videos

When a crazy old lady jumps into the picture.

She spots a homely woman carrying popcorn.

The old lady and her psycho friends

Knock the woman to the ground and smack her relentlessly.

Let's look at that att*ck again in slow motion.

You see the psychotic old lady spot the homely woman

And her popcorn.

She tries to run, but she's too slow and unattractive.

The old ladies knock her to the ground

And give her a pocketbook pummeling.

Woman: I'd been to a movie...

Alone.

You see, I live alone.

Men don't really, you know...

Enjoy me.

So I was walking home...

Alone, of course...

And then those crazy old ladies att*cked.

Anyway, oh--

If there are any men out there...

Amanda: sad on so many levels.

If you witness an att*ck by old ladies,

Please call our emergency hot line...

Old lady: get her!

Aah!

Get her!

[Audience cheering]

Whoo!

Thank you so much!

Wow! You guys have been such a great audience,

I wish I could shake your hands and thank you all personally.

Oh, heck! Why not?

[Loud cheering]

Thanks.

Well, I got to go to france for dinner!

See ya! Bye!

Where's amanda? Amanda, please?

[Beeping]

I see her! I see amanda, please!

Amanda: ok!

Penelope: amanda! Amanda, please wait!

Amanda!

Sweet mother! No! Don't back up the vehicle!

Stop it! Oh, why do it?

[Crash]

Oh!

Huh?

Oh, dagnabit, please!

Hmm.

Will you make me a sandwich now?

Sorry.

Oh.

[Beeping]

Amanda, please.