03x08 - You Only Scare Twice/Less Talk, More Monsters

[bunniefuu]

[ Clock chiming, thunderclap]

[ Creaking]

[ Owl hooting]

[ Shrieking]

[ Crying]

[ Gasps]

[ Screaming]

Tell it to the marines!

[Captioning sponsored by
the u.s. Department of education

And nickelodeon]

[ Needle scratching record]

[ Chuckles]

[ Growling]

[ Screaming]

[ Screaming]

[ Wild cheering]

Excellent borrow.

Well done.

All right, who's got
a good scare for me?
All right, glug

You seem to be
the only one left.

Wait a minute.

What about oblina,
ickis and krumm?

Need I remind you

That if you don't complete
your advanced scare

I'll expect you all to repeat
this school year all over again.

Now, won't that be fun?!

All right, time
to pick your victim

From our selection
of hard-to-scare humans.

Here is human number one.

Ooh...
Both:
pass.

Human number two.

Tha...

Both:
pass.

Human number three.

Both:
we pick him!

Him?

He's an advanced scare?

That's right, oblina.

He's one of our most
challenging candidates.

Oh, I'm sure he is.

Ooh! Look at me!

I'm shaking.

I'm glad you find me
so amusing.

Here's something else
you'll enjoy.

You've put this scare off
for so long

You have exactly one day
to complete it.

So you'd better get moving!

[ All gasping]

There he is.

This scare will be
a walk through the dump.

Let's get him.

[ Mechanical humming]

[ Beeping]

"Operation evil vision."

Oh, this is just
too easy.

Let me do the honors.

Wait. I want to scare him.

What about me? Ugh!

Oh, please.

Can we settle this like adults?

Eeny, meeny, slimy guts,
catch a monster by the...

[ Siren blaring]

Hurry. The window.

Other window.

This way.

[ All yelling]

[ Groaning]

This must be the work
of agent - - .

I cannot let him
stop "evil vision"

My brilliant plan
to turn all mankind

Into mindless zombies.

[ Laughing]

[ Laughing louder]

[ Cackling wildly]

I have got to find that agent.

[ Mechanical humming]

We have got to
find that human.

Krumm:
here he comes.

Oblina:
quickly, get ready.

[ Screaming]

Mmm, oil.

Mmm, tacks!

[ Gasps]

Uh-oh.

[ Screaming]

[ Growling]

Oh!

Ow!

Look! By the big "x"
it says something.

This is where I am going.

Coast is clear.

Ah...

[ Munching]

Are you sure you know
how to read this thingy?

Trust me, I know
exactly where we are.

You see this dot?

It's that big tree
over there.

Ickis, that is not a dot.

It's a bug.

[ Gulps]

Yum.

In that case,
we're completely lost.

Guys, look at this.

It's a magnet.

Would you two come on?

We have work to do.

Whoa!

I'm stuck.

[ All grunting]

[ Buzzing]

[ Screaming]

[ Horn blaring]

[ Horn blaring]

Hey, look at this.

Hey, cruel.

Get down here at once.

Yeah, this is no time
to fool around.

Krumm, I insist you
put me down this minute.

Sorry.

[ Oblina and ickis screaming]

Look! It's
the human!

Hmm.

Get us down.
Get us down.

Okay.

[ All yelling]

[ Screaming]

Oblina:
follow me.

Oh, we got him now.

From here on in, this scare
will be smooth sailing.

[ Giggling]

[ All screaming]

[ Water splashing]

Sure is dark in here.

And clammy and creepy.

Let's never leave.

[ All laughing]

[ Squealing and chattering]

What's wrong,
old buddy?

Fishies.

All:
sharks!

Krumm,
open your mouth.

Back on.

Whoa!

I do not like
this scare.

Hold it right there, evil.

Ah, agent - - .

I wouldn't do that
if I were you.

This pen contains
a powerful magnet

And you, with metal hands

Do I have to draw you
a diagram?

You're bluffing.

Oops. Wrong pen.

I'm afraid you've lost
this one, - - .

Now nothing can stop
"operation evil vision."

You'll never get away
with this

You twisted madman.

That's what they said
when I tried to wear white shoes

With a brown suit.

But this time,
I'll show them all.

In a few minutes

My satellite dish
will broadcast my image

On every television
in the world.

Then everyone will hear
my message of evil, hatred

And meanness.

Plus, my cooking show--

The evil gourmet!

But enough chitchat.

Good-bye, - - .

[ Evil laughing]

He's in there

And this time,
he cannot get away.

Warning. "Evil vision" begins
in seconds

Seconds...

Seconds...

Seconds...

Get ready.

[ All snarling]

Warning...

Oh, well.

What's another year
in school?

"Evil vision" to begin
in seconds...

Seconds...

Seconds...

[ Wrestlers grunting]

[ Growls]

[ Both yelling]

Ow!

[ Chuckling]:
wonderful scare, glug.

Well, that's everyone...
Except oblina, ickis and krumm.

Oh, dear.

Only three minutes left
and they're not even here.

Hello. My name is dr. Evil.

I now have control
of television.

Soon I will deliver a message
so evil

That all mankind will be forced
to obey my every command.

Watch... And lose your will.

You are under my power.

You are helpless to resist.

From now on, you will do

Exactly as I say.

[ Evil laughing]

[ Gagging]

I need a lozenge.

Hold it right there,
dr. Evil.

This cufflink sh**t off
powerful knockout gas.

Really, - - ?

You sure you don't want
to try the pen again?

Look at the pretty snowman.

[ Moans]

Attention good citizens.

This is secret agent - - .

I have put a stop
to dr. Evil's fiendish plot.

Excuse me, sir.

Isn't that the human
oblina, ickis and krumm

Are supposed to scare?

Yes, it is.

[ Gasps]

And they only have
three seconds left.

Oblina:hello.
Monsters!

[ Screaming]

[ Monsters cheering]

[ Oblina, ickis and krumm
laughing]

I say ho, krumm.

Raunchy ronnie sloan here
coming to you live

In front of the kdmp studios.

Kdmp has hidden $ ,
somewhere in this city.

[ Gasps]

That's right.

You're probably saying
to yourself

"I'd do anything for $ , ,
even dig through garbage."

You're going to have to

'Cause the money's hidden
in the city dump!

Did you hear me?

I said $ , .

Ooh!

Sorry, honey. Got to go!

[ Gasps]

Ahh!

An eight-track player.

Wow! Hey...

A typewriter with no keys.

Oh... What treasures.

[ Yelling]

The gromble:
quiet!

Class, this is not a drill.

I repeat, this is not a drill.

We are at def-dump one.

Humans are swarming all over
our precious dump.

[ Loud gasp]

They're getting closer
to discovering

Our academy.

[ Squealing]

They're threatening
our food supply.

No!

But we will not take this.

We shall scare the humans away

With our teeth,
with our tentacles

With our wonderful

Foul stenches.

Go forth, young monsters

And scare
as you have never scared before!

Monsters [ chanting]:
scare, scare, scare,
scare, scare, scare...

Scare, scare, scare

Scare, scare, scare,
scare, scare, scare

Scare, scare, scare, scare

Scare...

[ People yelling]

[ Whistle]

Huh?

[ Clicking]

[ Clicking stops]

[ Screaming]

[ Screaming]

[ Screaming]

How are you, little buddy?

[ Screaming]

[ Giggling]

[ Cheering]

Look at them run.

Humans, ah...

I've always said
they are highly overrated

As lifeforms.

Still, I wonder
what they were doing here.

Who cares?

I could go on scaring
all day.

Good, 'cause here comes
some more.

We will be all right

As long
as we stick together.

So, um...

The three of us then.

Let them come.

Out of here.

I said,
the three of us.

All right.

This is raunchy ronnie sloan
of kdmp.

Hey, so far, no one has won
the $ , garbage greed grab.

There's still time for you
to root around in the filth

And find it.

If you need directions
to the dump, call -kdmp.

, Disgusting, dirty dollars
are waiting for you.

So that is what is going on.

This is all some kind
of human contest.

Maybe we should call
and scare them.

What number was that he said?

Well, now what?

We need those cookies the humans
put in this call thingy.

[ Sucking sound]

Now, what was
that number?

Ickis:
-cal...

R...
G...

...

Three...

K...
K...

[ Laughter]

You've reached dial-a-joke.

Why did the chicken
cross the road?

Now, we'll never
know.

[ Ringing]

Hello. Kdmp.

You're on the air
with raunchy ronnie sloan.

Oh, well, if... It's him.

Now what do I say?

[ Crunching noise]

Um, hey, ronnie.

First-time caller,
long-time monster.

Sloan:
hey, well, what can I do
for you?

Hey, did you say monster?

That's right, and as a monster

I'm ordering you and all humans
to get out of the dump.

Hey, uncle stevo!

That's about the hundredth call
we've had today

About monsters
in the dump.

[ Crazy laughter, scream]

I'll tell you what
I'm going to do, monster man.

Anyone who shows up at the dump

Dressed as a monster
will get a free kdmp t-shirt.

How about that? Bye.

Perhaps this would be
a good time to tell
the gromble.

[ People chattering]

T-shirt man!

T-shirt man!
Look at them.

$ , . Ha!

You want riches?

Just look around you.

I bet the money's in here.

Of course.
It's the perfect place.

And no one else even suspects.

I'll be rich! Rich!
Rich, I tell you! Rich!

[ Screams]

Humans! Humans!

They're trying to get in!

[ Monsters screaming]

Remain calm.

I said remain calm!

Now, it is true, we have
a bit of a situation here.

In fact, we are now at...

[ Gasps]

Def-dump five!

[ Gasping]

Lock down the dump!

Hey!

[ Sobbing]:
open up!

It's ickis!

Ooh. The gromble must have
ordered a lockdown.
A lockdown...

But he doesn't know
we're out here.

Well, he must know...
Please, please, please,
let me in, let me in!

He's taking this better
than I would have guessed.

Ickis, we cannot give up.

Oh, sure.

Great idea.

While we're at it

Why don't we just find
that ronnie sloan

And do something
about him too, huh?

Both:
hmm.

[ Panting]

I was not being
serious, you know.

That is our ride.

Follow me.

Okay, folks, that's it.

I got to head back
to the station.

Happy hunting.

Hey, I'm dressed as a monster.

I want a t-shirt.

I'll all out.

It happens, you know.

[ Crowd complaining]

Crowd [ chanting]:
t-shirts! T-shirts! T-shirts!

T-shirts! T-shirts!

T-shirts! T-shirts!
T-shirts! T-shirts..!

[ Clearing throat]

Well?!

Still no sign

Of ickis,
krumm or oblina.

I'll keep looking.

Oh, this is terrible, terrible.

They're out there somewhere
with humans.

I must go and find them myself.

Let's go.

Engineer steve, how about you?

You ever seen

A monster?

[ Growling][ screaming]

Steve?

Looks like I'll
have to play this record

For myself.

It seems my engineer
had to leave suddenly.

Maybe he was scared by a...

[ Growling]

[ Screaming]

[ Laughing]

Hello..?
Is this thing on?

Krumm, I think you
are supposed to talk

Into this thingy.

[ Clearing throat]

Hello? Hello? This is kr...

[ Clears throat]

Um, this is ronnie.

Yeah, this is ronnie,
not a monster.

This is ronnie

Telling you humans
that money is not in the dump.

There's lots of cans and bugs.

Ooh, my mouth is watering
just thinking about it.

But there is no money.

The money is here at kdmp.

[ People chattering]

That's my pupil!

And now, here's a long-distance
dedication

Going out to diswald.

[ Record scratching]

[ Monsters cheering]

Both:
yes!

[ Crowd complaining]

[ Flushing]

I told you--
the money's not here!

[ Complaining]

Okay, okay-- here.

I've got cents.
Just take it.

A ticket stub,
a picture of my cat.

It's all yours.

That's all I got.

Honest!

[ Siren wails]

Krumm, it worked!

We scared all
the humans away.

Um, excuse me. "We"?

I believe it was my
lilting voice that actually...

We all scared them together,
krumm.

[ Panting]

Ickis, krumm, oblina,
you're back!

Brilliant work,
all three of you.

Look. The dump
has been restored

To its normal
festering luster.

Don't ever
do that again!

Uh-huh... Thanks.

I think.

And scaring dozens
of humans at a time

Really works up
an appetite.

I'm starved.

I hate roughage.

Huh?

Hey...

Yeah!

Ha-ha!

[ Horn honking]

What are you waiting
for, jenkins?

Let's go hunting.

Hey, lookie here.

Won't this look good
in the foyer?

If you say so, sir.

Ah!

Good! Hey! Ah!