05x06 - We Will Our Kingdom Give

[bunniefuu]

Mum, their new business
is dealing dr*gs.

They're party pills.

Where's your brother you're dealing
this sh*t with from my premises?

It's safe, and we've all tried it.

My little girl does not
hang out with druggies.

What?

I have rules! You know I do!

It's fine you've got your rules, but
we're not breaking them. When you
calm down, hopefully you'll see it.

Wayne. Wayne, I'm bleeding.

Poor Cheryl.

Yeah. Sucks big time.

Sometimes I imagine what it would
be like if we lost our baby.

Except we don't have a baby to lose.

No, I mean the opportunity to
have our baby, which we will soon.

We are taking every opportunity
known to mankind or animal-kind.

You're most likely going to
jail, and time is running out.

Nah, we've got heaps.

So I've been thinking that
maybe I should get some tests.

Tests? No, no way.

Just to take sure everything's OK.

I'll be out in a year or so.

Please, honey. I just want to
make sure everything's working.

Yeah, OK.

OK? Yeah, well, the thing is, if I
get them done, then you have to too.

Me? No way!

Munts, it's the rules.

There's nothing wrong with either
of us, OK? You're ripe for babies.
You're young... and fit...

and incredibly spunky. Mmm.

I mean it. We're gonna
be sweet with this.

Yeah. (SIGHS) See, there's this
funny thing that I need to tell you.
You remember my birthday last year?

Yeah, your st. It was tough.
We were apart, but that's all
in the past now.

Yeah. (CHUCKLES) See,
the funny thing is is, um,

I was really turning...

.

BOTH CHUCKLE
Good one.

No, it's true. I was.

Yeah, right (!) There's
no way you're .

No, I am, Munter.

I'm .

And you think that's funny?

HELLO SAILOR'S 'GUTTER BLACK'

♪ Lying in the gutter,

♪ I cut the cord from my mother.

♪ She pat me on the head and said,

♪ 'Go to sea, boy.
Get to sea, man.'

♪ My luck in the gutter black.

♪ I guess I'm running back...

♪ ...to you.

♪ You in my brain.
You in my heart. ♪

You're back.
It was going to happen
sooner or later.

I'm really sorry to hear about
the cervical incompetence.

Hey, hey. That wasn't the problem.

Well, that's really good, isn't
it? I mean, you're hardly ever
incompetent at anything except this.

Your mum might need a hand, Loretta.

I'm fine.

Great. OK, see you later.

BOTH LAUGH HEARTILY

(STOPS LAUGHING)

You're back.
Missed you too, Ted.

Cheryl.
Falani.

My breast is moist from weeping over
your sad loss. Allow me to offer my
sincere condolences. Falani.

You know, the loss of a child for
a woman of your rich years is not
unusual. My Auntie Solosolo—

Falani, the baby's OK.

Baby's OK. We shall drink to the
health of your very fertile womb,
and a fine son for you, Mr Judd.

I've got the bourbon.

Right, we should
get you to bed, eh?

No, no. This chair will be fine.

Yeah, I don't think that's
the definition of bedrest.

Mrs West.
Aaron.

Your grandma's home.

Come here, you.
Cheryl.

Oh, for God's sake.
I'm sitting down.

(GRUNTS)
Oh my God, you are filthy.

Yeah, our new apprentice had a
choice time in the builder's mix.

Why was she on a building site?

She even tried to use the
Ramset g*n, but I said no.

She was with Sheree.

Yeah, but Sheree got busy, so she
gave Jane to Van, who got called to
this rancid toilet overflow,

so he gave Jane to me.
Thanks, Aaron.

So, Mrs West, how's
the incontinence?
Aaron.

It's tough, eh? My nana had it,
but now she uses the pads.

f*ck, Spiller.

Yeah. Well, anyway, I've got to go
see a man about a very old dog.

Good.
Hey, you keep it clenched, Mrs West.

Come on, you. Let's give you a bath.
No, no. I'll do it.

Oh, come on, Wayne.
It is just a bath.

You are lucky to be home.
Sit down; I'll do it.

Hayden, you still good to meet
those guys from Christchurch?

Yeah, locked and loaded.

Any progress on Dunedin?

Final frontier — yes. And now
I even have a map for all the
potential outlets.

Oh yeah?

We have to go to the hospital now.
Why?

The ward said Mum was no longer
there. What if she's in intensive
care?

f*ck.
Yeah, it's terrible—

Untie your knickers. She's at home.
Since when?

Since this morning.
She arrived as I was leaving.

You could've f*cking told us.

So?
So what?

How is she?

Uh...

You didn't ask her?

She was a bit grumpier than usual.

Oh, this is all my fault —
well, our fault for what
we said. Actually, you said—

Uh, you said he was great.
Yeah, but that was before.

She has an incompetent cervix.
How is that our fault?

It's placenta praevia. It's worse.

Oh, OK, and you'd know?

Yeah, cos I called her.

Jethro, don't pretend like you'd
give a sh*t if she lost Judd's baby.

Hey, f*ck up. ]
If she lost it,
it would be terrible.

Mum has kids. Can't we
get on with our lives?

Loretta.
I'm saying she is nearly ,
so what's the big deal?

That is awful.
Even for you.

If any of you were being
honest, you'd agree.

I love my mother.
Pfft, yeah, I know you do (!)

Yeah, and so do I just as much.

It's a competition?
Yeah, well, count me out!

Jesus.
f*ck off.

How could you leave
Jane with Aaron Spiller?

I thought she was with Van.

She was eating sand and nails
at a bloody building site.

It got really busy at work, Cheryl.
How is it there?

It's great. Hoochie's fine.
Jane's fine. Things are fine.

Just relax, OK? Christ.

Cheryl, you should go to bed, eh?

I don't want to go to bed. I've
been in bed — for three days.

Hi, Mum.

Oh, look what the cat dragged in.

Hey, it's great to see you at home.

Mum, we wanted to say we are
so sorry about what happened and
that you nearly lost your baby.

Well, I didn't,... so
you can forget about it.

Well, if you need anything,
we are totally here for you.

Yeah, anything at all, just name it.

What makes you think
I'd want your help?

I could take Jane.

I thought I made myself clear.
Yeah, yeah, you did, but—

We're fine, thanks.

Mum.

No.

You've said your piece.
I'm going to bed.

I have nothing more to say to them.

They were offering... help.

I'm fine. I'm not deaf.

When the doctor said 'total rest',
did you think she was joking?

You know I'm not good at that.

If that's what will get
us through, you have to.

There's a lot of sh*t to do.

[ And the sh*t will get
done, but not by you.

I can work from home.
Cheryl!

Sheree's obviously not coping.

Sheree's doing fine, and if people
want to help you, like the kids—

f*ck them.

You fight this, and you'll be
in hospital before you can say
'placenta praevia grade IV',

and you know what that could mean.

Yeah.

Now, for once in your life,
could you just take it easy?

♪ You know,

♪ it feels so bad around here. ♪

It's like this dude that I know.
Bought this mint V — five-speed
transmission, mags, —

had it two days,

starts pissing smoke.

What?

Well, it's like with Kasey, yeah?
It's like you bought a dunger.

I didn't buy Kasey.

You've invested your life into
this chick that's going to be
while you're in your s.

Look, I don't want to talk about it.

How come your not working this
through with the Vaninator?

Me and Van — we're on a break.

No way. How come?
I don't want to talk about it.

But that's big dope, bro, cos you
and Van are, like, best mates.

Maybe I could talk to Van. He knows
all about riding an older chick.
I mean, Sheree — whoo.

She has got a great pair of overhead
cans, but I bet there's a fair bit
of piston slap down below.

Aaron, shut up.

OK.

You're going to have to dump her.
It's the only way to save face, bro.

f*ck, man!

OK, but once they start pissing
smoke... That's all I'm saying.

He didn't even come home.

Well, it's not, like, totally late.

Maybe you should be there
in case he turns up.

Oh God, I'm such a fool.

It is an honest mistake. When people
get older, their minds get mixed up.

It wasn't a mistake. I wanted him to
think that I was young and hot, so I
didn't kind of say.

Maybe you're overreacting.

Oh, you should've seen his face.
He looked as me as if to say,
'You wrinkly old hag.'

No. For someone of your age,
you are looking great.

Yeah, but what if I
can't give him kids?

CRIES: .
PHONE RINGS

Aw.
Munter will pull his head in.

You think? ]

Mm.
Yeah.

Oh, Nicky, did I wake you?

As it happens, no.

Your mum.

Mum?

Hey, um, I've just, uh, spoken to
Jethro, and, um, I didn't mean what
I said.

To Jethro?

No, to all of you. It was, um,

well, it was great
that you came round.

And I shouldn't have said that you
dobbed us in, cos it wasn't you.

It's fine, Pascalle.

You almost lost your baby —
my new little brother or sister.

But I'm OK now,

and I could do with a hand.

Yes, Mum. I am totally there
for you. I'll see you tomorrow.

Mum likes me. She likes me again.

(SQUEALS)

(GRUNTS)

When I come back,
that better be empty.

[ Yes, nurse.

Hey, we're out of here.
I appreciate it.

It's no trouble. She can stay with
me till you're back on your feet.

And you don't have to worry
about the, um, the drug thing.

OK. (SIGHS) Bye-bye, sweetheart.

Let's go, baby-oh.

Hey, Mum.

Wow.

I put mine in a vase.
They're beautiful.

So what can I do?

A load of washing would be good.

OK.
You can help.

I just need a word with
Jethro first, hon.

OK.

Special delivery.

You are a lifesaver.

(CHUCKLES) Don't
overdo it, all right?

Don't you start.
Is there anything else you need?

Yeah. Make sure Sheree's
not dropping the ball.
Me?

You're next door, so
you can get the account—

Hold on. So does this mean you're
cool with the Excellence thing now?

You promise me.

Yep. I promise.

Only a phone call away, all right?

You're a good boy, Jethro.

PEOPLE MURMUR

I hear you didn't make
it home last night.

What's it to you?

My mate Munter's got
nothing to go home to.

Munter, she's , not .

Same diff.

Age is just a number.

(SCOFFS) Pretty big number.

Did I ask you?

We don't need your advice, Nicky G.
Munter and I have discussed this,
and he knows what he needs to do.

What's that?
Let... her... go... back
to the old folks' home.

Aaron.

Do us a favour — shut the f*ck up.

(SCOFFS) Stay cool, white man.

So Kasey had a secret, but she's
still your wife. She still loves
you.

She lied to me.

She regrets it. You love her,
Munter, so what's the big deal?

I was in love with Kasey who was .
People will talk cradle-snatching.

You care what other people think?
Maybe.

I think a good guy like you wouldn't
care about some stupid sh*t like
this.

If you love her, you'll forgive her.

That's what a real man
would do. Another?

Yeah, please.

Is he saying you're not a real guy?
You should smack him for that.

Aaron, shut it.

Excuse me, that's my desk.

I thought it was Cheryl's.
She wanted to see some paperwork.

Cheryl can ask me if—

Well, she asked me.

Listen, arsehole, you can't—

Do you want me to tell her that the
place was wide open with no one here
when I got here?

Or do you want me to tell
her that you were here...

hard at work?

Hey.
What are you doing?

I need those projections.

No, with Jane.

I'm helping Cheryl out.
I know.

Unless you want to.

So funny(!) You have
to meet those guys.

I'm getting the stuff for them now.

Jane is your new rave accessory?

Yeah, I always take her clubbing.

It's OK. Nadine's looking after her.
Nadine?

You've got a problem with it?
No.

Good, cos Nadine's at my house
a lot, and so is Jane,

and they get on because, I don't
know, Nadine likes kids. Ha ha.
See, it's all good.

You're doing something
naughty, aren't you?

Hardly.

Well, Wayne would make me take that
off you, but seeing as you're lying
down, I suppose it's OK.

Is it Hoochie stuff?

Yeah. I'm just trying to get
stuck in before the whole place
falls apart.

I so admire you, Mum.

Me? (SCOFFS) Why?

The way you're still just handling
everything and the way that you
know all about rules and red tape.

Department of Labour still
on your back, are they?

(GRUNTS) yes.

But, you know, it'll be OK. But
I definitely have a little bit to
learn about business.

I'm sorry I made your
placenta go praevia.

Oh, honey, don't be silly. It wasn't
your fault. These things happen.

Is that what happened
to, um, baby Helena?

No.
Is it cos you're oldish?

(CHUCKLES) It can happen to anyone.

Well, I still think you
are a total inspiration.

How are we going?

Oh, um, I'm just showing Mum some
new designs for Best Bag Ever.
Cool, eh?

They are amazing, hon.
They're brilliant.

Right, well, I'll get dinner on.

I'll help.

PEOPLE CHATTER ON TV

I will do the cooking, because
you're an expectant father and you
should relax, so just go to the pub.

PHONE RINGS

Ugh.

Hi, Pascalle speaking.

Hey, is Loretta there?

Yes. Hi, Hayden. She is right
here slobbing on the couch.
What?

I'm heading into town. I've left
Janie's blanket in your office.

So?
Can you get it for her?

Do you want me to drive back into
town, then to your house for a
stupid piece of chewed-up wool?

Well, Janie is a baby,
so she can't do it.

Why do I have to do it?

Because she needs it, all right?
It's your office. Please, just go
and do it.

Has something happened
to Jane's blankie?

It's an international crisis (!)

Well, she can't sleep without it.

You can pick it up, then.

No, I'm cooking for Mum.

Oh, it's all good. I got takeaways.

(SCOFFS) Full of MSG.

Jethro, would you like to pick up
Jane's blankie and take it to
Hayden's house?

Piss off.

You can do it. We're busy.
Wayne.

Go and do it. It's not like
you're helping out around here.

Go.

Where have you been?

Thinking.

Why did you lie to me?

It wasn't so much a lie, you know,
as a not-saying thing.

Well, why didn't you say?

Because I want you to think that
I'm young and hot and sexy.

You are, apart from the young bit.

VOICE CRACKS: But if you'd known
before we got it on that I was way
older than you thought I was,

would you still have
wanted to be with me?

Maybe not.

See?

(SNIFFS)

And that would've made me
a first-rate dickhead.

And I would've been one of those
dickheads who thinks it matters.

And I would've missed out
on the most amazing, sexy,

beautiful chick.

Kase, I don't care if you're older
than the Egyptian pyramids. I love
you, baby.

You really mean that?

We should probably get those
tests done before I go away.

LAUGHS: Oh God.

I love you soooo much.

(LAUGHS)

Old bag.

BOTH LAUGH

MELLOW MUSIC

Nadine!

JANE WHIMPERS ]

YELLS: Nadine!

JANE CRIES ]

CRYING CONTINUES

(SIGHS)

[ JANE CRIES

Nadine?

Nadine?
DOOR OPENS

Nadine!

Oh, it's you.

You wanted this?

Yeah.

What's going on?

Oh, I'm listening to music.

Jane is crying, like, a lot.

Oh yeah, I know.

How? You've got your headphones on.

It's part of sleep training.
We're meant to leave her to cry.

Really?

Because has to learn how to
go to sleep by herself. She
drops off eventually, though.

Oh, this'll help, though. Ta.

JANE WAILS

You should give it to her, then.

I will.

Thanks.

Thanks.

JANE CRIES

TECHNO MUSIC PLAYS

[ JANE CRIES

TECHNO MUSIC PLAYS

The blankie is meant to go
in the cot. Even I know that.

I thought you'd left.
The vodka bottle can stay here.

Hey, I told you—
Horseshit. You're off your tits.

You can't come in—
You're looking after a kid.

What do you know about that?

f*ck all, but I know a
liability when I see one.

I'm having a drink.
Oh yeah? Along with
how many of these?

Hey, this isn't your house, and
you're not welcome, so you can
piss off now!

Nah. You know what? You are
the one who can piss off.

What?!
Come on.

Ow!
Get the hell out!

Get off me, you bitch!
Piss off, Nadine.

You are not serious!
I am!

Bitch—!
Piss off!

↑ Bitch!

JANE CRIES

Oh f*ck.

CHERYL: Why is Rochelle cancelling
her party on a Friday?

They're staying home? With
their fricking lettuces? Jesus.

Ohhh.

(CLEARS THROAT)

I thought you were at the pub.

I had a beer with Ted downstairs.

How'd she get these?
Wayne—

I asked him to.

Jethro, can I have a word?

Sure.

What?

Why don't you cut her with a Kn*fe?

Come on, Wayne.
You may as well.

She needs something to keep her
busy or she'll go crazy. It's how
my mother works.

You want to play favourites?
Do you know what could happen
if she bleeds?

That baby could die,... (HISSES)
and she could f*ckin' die!

She knows this?
Of course she knows this.
She just doesn't want to listen.

It could be months before she
goes back to work. The sooner
she realises—

[ Wayne, what's going on?

(SIGHS)

[ DOOR CLOSES

(SNIFFS)

Reading accounts is hardly
running a marathon.

Would it be so bad if you let some
of this go? Let Sheree run it.

I'm not your prisoner, and you're
not a bloody cop any more.

I'm not your enemy, Cheryl.

Yeah, yeah. I know.

Do you not want this baby?
Is that what this is about?

What?

Oh, I'm just starting
to wonder, is all.

How dare you?

This is not a game, Cheryl.
This is not a competitor you
can bulldoze out of the way!

I've worked hard for that! You know!

It's knickers, Cheryl! No matter
what way you look at it, it's
knickers.

And the thought of losing you and
our child over f*ckin' knickers,

well, that just breaks
my heart, that one.

JANE WAILS LOUDLY

You've got your blankie.
What more do you want?

Look, for God's sake, please,
please, just go to sleep, OK?

Look, take it. Take it.

JANE WAILS LOUDLY

Hey, this Hayden Peters.
Leave a message.

Hayden, you need to come home
now, OK? Right now. Listen!

JANE WAILS

So you get your arse here right now!

Shh.

Please just shh, OK?

FUR PATROL'S 'LITTLE FISTS'

♪ Last time I felt like this,

♪ I hit myself so hard

♪ I drew outside the lines.

♪ I drew deep red in lines.

♪ Next time I'll hold
my little fists

♪ until I feel the
fever walk away. ♪

It's all going to be all right.

f*cked if I know, Ted.

I hope so. Kids are good,
and you're not a bad bugger.

A good breeder, our Slutty Pants is,
as long as you keep your pecker out.

You don't want to stir up
any more trouble.

Thanks, Ted.

Oh, the sacrifices you make, eh?

Me on the other hand, I'm off
to throw Ngaire over my knee.

Wednesday's hanky-spanky night.

Bottoms up.

SHAKILY: I want— I want this baby...

s-so much.

I know.

I shouldn't have said that.

No, no.

No, you were right.

I have to make some
changes,... (SNIFFS)

and I will.

Hey.

Where's Nadine?

You arsehole.

You left Jane with that spinner!

Jane's fine. I've checked on Jane.

She is now, after I listened to her
screaming for two hours straight.

Well, did you feed her, huh?
Did you give her her bottle?

Oh my God. Are you still out of it?

It was a big night. Oh, hello —
I was out with the clients. What
do you expect?

How would you look after Jane?

Well, Nadine was supposed to look
after Jane. That's why she stayed
at home.

Except now she's not even here.

You prick.

How could you f*cking do this to me?

Oh, Loretta, what are you doing?

JANE CRIES

Oh, what? You're going to take Jane?

JANE SCREECHES
You don't know what to do.

You're right. I don't even like her.

I don't get babies, but now she's a
damn sight safer with me than she is
with you.

Loretta.

Loretta?

DOOR SLAMS ]
Loretta!

KNOCK AT DOOR

Jesus, Mary and Joseph.

Where's Pascalle?

Not here.

Where is she?
Gone round to see Cheryl.

sh*t. What am I meant
to do with this?

Why are you asking me?
Well, Pascalle's good with her.

So is Cheryl.
Mum would freak out if she
knew what was going on.

What about her dad?
Her dad's a dickhead.

Well, I'd love to help,
but I've got a boxing class.

Yeah, well, good for you (!)

Could be just the thing — finally
getting to know your daughter.

f*ck up.

MELLOW ROCK MUSIC

There you go.

Oh, ta, love. You've been great.

Well, vitamin D is,
oh, so what you need.

Love, you know how, um, you
said you wanted to-to help?

Uh-huh.

You know, you want to learn
more about the business.
And I will.

Yep. I've been, um,... I've been
thinking of asking someone to take
over Hoochie.

Take over, as in...?

Look after it, take it on.

And you want me?

Well, I'm just testing the waters.

Oh my God, that is so amazing.

It's a big ask, I know.

No, Mum, I would be so honoured.

You haven't always been a big
fan of Hoochie in the past.

Well, that was just more a question
of taste or lack of taste, but, Mum,
it could be really great.

Like, I could move Best Bag in.
Best Bag?

We could maybe, like, give away a
free set of knickers with the bag —
the overnight bag.

Well, as I say, I'm just
testing the waters.

Yeah, and I'm just thinking, but,
Mum, this could be great. (SQUEALS)

How's it going with the old dunger?

Who do you think you're
talking about?

Did you dump her?

Only an idiot would dump
a woman as hot as Kasey.

Oh, OK. That's cool if you're
into an older lady, you know —
the cougar.

She's my wife, and I'll do whatever
it takes, even if it means taking
the test.

What test?

WHISPERS: Fertility
something or other.

Fertility? Whoo, no way.

Man. f*ck, keep it down, all right?

Hard out, man — spoofing in the cup.
What?

Well, you know, you have to go into
the little room, look at some p*rn,
stroke it up and... (SLURPS)

in the loving cup.

You just mimed
whacking off on to my leg.

At least I'm miming. You'll be
whacking off in public with the old
nurses looking through the keyhole.

Happy to come along. Hold your hand,
so to speak, check out the mags,
maybe give a nurse a bit of action.

sh*t, man. I thought it was a
blood test, but I said I'd do
it today.

You don't have to do it at the
clinic. You can do it at home,
then drive it there.

How do you know this?

What are best mates for but to know
sh*t and to be there for their best
mate?

And if you ain't got
Van to talk to...

Jane. Jane, you're not
meant to eat the spoon.

Give me...
JANE BLOWS RASPBERRY

(KNOCKS LIGHTLY)

What the hell do you want?

Thought you might need this.

You've got a hell of a nerve.
Come on, Loretta.

You can't get ripped all night
when you're looking after a kid.

Parenting according to Loretta West.

Cut the sh*t, Hayden. You f*cked up.

It was a oncer. And to be fair,
I didn't realise you were going
to kick out Nadine.

I had to kick out Nadine!

I've had a word to her.

If Mum knew what you'd done,
she'd cut your balls off.

OK. Yes, OK. All right?

Daddy.

But can we work together on this
one, Loretta, please? It was a
oncer, I swear.

(BABBLES)

Aren't babies meant to like rice?

Well, they don't all get into nasi
goreng, but, you know... (CHUCKLES)

So do you want me to take her?

OK, but only because I think
she's filled her nappy.

Hello, princess. Come to Daddy, eh?

PHONE RINGS
It's nice to know you care.

No, I don't.
A bit.

No.
(SCOFFS)

Hi, Mum. What's up?

What are you up to?

Me? Nothing.

Want to come around?

MELLOW ROCK MUSIC

This is nice.
Yep. Yep, I can see the
whole street from here.

So, what's so urgent?

How do you feel about
taking over Hoochie Mama?
Me run Hoochie?

You have a good brain on you.
You know how to run things.

We've had our differences in
the past, but it could work.

You and me selling underwear?

What do you think?
It's a good company.

No, it's not.
You what?

Mum, how do I put this?
It's kind of you to offer,

but I would rather put my hand
in a blender or listen to the
Backstreet Boys on repeat all day.

Hold on.
Mum, I am the last person
you would want to run Hoochie,

even if it wasn't a total dog —
a barking dog — which it is.

Can you believe it?

I can't believe you'd
say it to her.

Oh, come on. It is the poisoned
chalice. It is the turd with
sprinkles on top.

She's on her sickbed.

There's nothing wrong with her
brain. What's wrong with honesty?

Jesus Christ, Loretta.

Could I have a word?

Yeah, sure. I was
just leaving anyway.

What you did was very uncool.

I did what anyone would've done.

You did it to mess
things up with Hayden.

Oh God.

You think it's not completely
obvious you want him back?

I don't want him back.

Wake up, honey. It's never going
to happen. He and I, we get on.

We understand each other.
We have a good time.

Oh my God. Are you still loaded?

(SCOFFS) Excellence does
not make you loaded.

You are truly sad and pathetic.

You are so ignorant. The whole point
of Excellence is that you can take
it all the time,

which we do — me and Hayden.
It makes everything clearer.

Oh, which is how I know that he
doesn't want you back and he never
will.

You sure you don't want a hand?
A man has to do this on his own.

Mm, I'm so, mm, proud
of you. Think of me.

OK, Kasey. Kasey. Kasey, go, go, go.

Mwah.

DOOR OPENS

Only me, big fulla.
sh*t, man. You're early.

I'm your driver, bro. I can't be
late. What if you come quickly?

I don't come quickly.

We have minutes before your jizz
curdles. We have to get to the
clinic before those swimmers drown.

So you're just going to sit there?

Brought you some support material —
Black Back-door Action. Hm?

And check this one out —
Ginger Minge — a whole magazine
dedicated to redhead p*ssy.

Oh, got to love it.

At least put some music on, eh?

Hey, you won't even know I'm here.

Don't say a word.

Look, lifting nothing heavy.

The kids are coming over for a
family discussion tonight. After
that, the kitchen's all yours, OK?

Smells good.

♪ Keep on pushing. ♪

KNOCK AT DOOR

Um, the clinic shuts real soon.

[ I'm not going to get there,
Aaron, if I keep hearing your voice.

Well, what if you imagine
I'm someone else?
[ Who?

Well, how about, uh, Van? Would that
make you feel more comfortable?

Are you saying we're gays?

No. No, no, no. ]

But, like, um, imagine he's
encouraging you to be really
hetero over some real man's p*rn,

you know, like a hot movie with,
um, Angelina or Keira, you know?

And he's going, you know, uh,
'Go, Munter. Go, Munter, go.
Stroke it, baby. Come on.

'And stroke it, and stroke it, and
stroke it. Stroke it, Munter. You
can do it, baby.

'Stroke it. Yeah, you stroke it.
And stroke up and down. Stroke and
stroke. Whoo!'

[ That's doing it for you?

Aaron, shut up!

OK, take your time.
We've got time.

Oh boy.

♪ Make it all right.

♪ Make it all right.

♪ Make it all right.

♪ Make it all right.

I didn't think I was
going to get there.

Keep it warm, man.
Cup your hands around it, yeah?

The thing about pussies is
they're warm on the inside.

Oh, f*ck, man. It's leaking.

Yeah, about that...

Aaron, you sh*t m*therf*cker! f*ck!

♪ Make it all right. ♪

This is great, Mum.

You know, it's just great
having my family around me.

Who's that place for, then?

Van, but he got a call-out.

I think Hayden's coming too.

Why is he not here?

Since when did you care
about Hayden bloody Peters?

I don't.

Maybe Jane's fallen asleep.

Anyway, um,... (CLEARS THROAT)

as you guys know, I've, um, finally
had to face facts and hand over
Hoochie Mama.

Since when?
Since today.

It's OK, honestly.

And it would really mean a lot
to me if it stayed in the family.

I know some of you don't think much
of Hoochie, but, fortunately, you
don't all feel that way,

and some of you can see that it's
got potential and are keen to make
the most of it,

which is why I've handed
it over to Jethro.

Jethro?
Mm-hm.

Why?

Look, Mum, I know how much it means
to you, so I'll do my best with it.
I promise.

Wow, you've finally figured out
a way to get into Mum's knickers.
Excuse me.

Sour grapes.

She was never interested.

Well, I was, and you asked me first.
And what does he know about women's
underwear?

He probably wore a
fair bit in his time.

Were you going to talk to me?

You're still general manager.
Nothing's changed.

Well, I think it's wrong.

So, here's to my good son who's
taking over the business. May he
sell hot pants like, um, hot cakes.

Yeah. Jethro.

Cheers, Mum.

Fertility test? Good on you.

Yeah, the nurse reckons it was
the fullest cup she's ever seen.

Anyways, uh, I just wanted
to say thanks for the advice.

No worries.

sh*t.

I'm sorry. It was just one of those
emergency situations. It's all clean
now.

It's not about the cleaning. It's
the principle. A mate doesn't jizz
in another mate's hat, Aaron.

But I'm still there for you,
and we got it there on time.

Van.

♪ Take this pain and make
it real. I wanna see...

How's it going?

Yeah, good. Yeah, just had my
head down some guy's toilet.

Hey, uh, actually, it's good to have
you boys together cos something's
taking shape.

Hey, let's not talk shop, eh?
Tonight's the celebration of
the women in our lives. Cheers.

Let's drink to them.

I might go play pool, eh?

Go for it.

♪ Beautiful words
and brave new worlds,

♪ they do me in.

♪ Beautiful words
and brave new worlds,

♪ they do me in.

♪ Beautiful words
and brave new worlds,

♪ they do me in.

♪ Beautiful words
and brave new worlds,

♪ they do me in... ♪

(GRUNTS)

Loretta.
You're expected at dinner.

Yeah.

Yes. Yes, and, um—

Jane fell asleep?
That's what Mum thinks.

Whiz-bang, out like a light, huh?
Magic of the blankie, eh?

How much are you taking?
I am fine.

She said you're using it
every day. Is that right?

No.

Not every day.

You promised me.
You said it was a oncer.

Loretta, look, Jane is asleep, OK?

There is no problem here.

Come on, just, um, relax. Uh, sit
down, OK? I'll get you a drink.

I don't want a drink.

Hayden,

look at yourself.

Oh, come on.

A Chardonnay, a spliff at the end of
a day, some Excellence — what is the
difference?

The difference is that you are
ripped off your tits all the time.

When did you become such a nana?
This is about Jane.

Jane? When the f*ck did you
start caring about Jane?

Jesus Christ, you abandoned her,

you adopted her out, and what,
now you care about Jane?

Why is that, Loretta? Is it because
I'm in a serious relationship now?

Serious?

You and Nadine can do whatever the
f*ck you like. But, right now, I
would not leave a dog in your care.

Hey, hey, hey, hey. Can we just
cut this high-and-mighty bullshit?!

JANE CRIES
Hayden,

let go of me.

Let go... of me.

If you don't, I will call Cheryl.

You are such a f*cking hypocrite.

DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES

DOOR OPENS

[ LORETTA: Hey, it's OK.

[ JANE CRIES
You're home now.

Look, here you go. And, look, here's
your stupid blankie, so you can go
to sleep.

Loretta? ]

Everything all right?

Um, yeah. Hayden was unwell, so I...

Right. Good on you.

I had to. I didn't
volunteer or anything.
Right.

You definitely can't tell Mum,
because I'm the bad child, and
we should keep it like that, OK?

Yeah, OK.
Promise?

Yeah, whatever you say.

JANE GASPS

OK.

COOS: Hello.

(KISSES)

♪ Beautiful words
and brave new worlds,

♪ they do me in.

♪ Beautiful words
and brave new worlds,

♪ they do me in.

♪ Beautiful words
and brave new worlds,

♪ they do me in.

♪ Beautiful words
and brave new worlds,

♪ they do me in.

♪ Beautiful words
and brave new worlds,

♪ they do me in. ♪