02x02 - Red Flags

[bunniefuu]

("ETUDE NO. 1, OP. 25" BY YUKI MATSUZAWA PLAYING)

(CREW SNORING)

Look at that. You wear fine things well.

(SIGHS)

Run from me, darlin' ♪

("RUN FROM ME" BY TIMBER TIMBRE PLAYING)

Run, my good wife ♪

Run from me, darlin' ♪

You better run for your life ♪

Run from me, baby ♪

- Run, my good wife ♪

- (BLACKBEARD SIGHS)

(WAVES CRASHING)

Run from me, baby ♪

You better run for your life ♪

(WIND BLOWING)

- (BELL RINGING)

- AUNTIE: Mornin' time!

(GROANS) Oh.

Mornin' time!

- (BELL RINGING)

- That is irritating.

- Oh, I was out.

- WEE JOHN FEENEY: Me too.

The best night's sleep I've

had in ages, if I'm honest.

Aye. The sea is a

medicine of the gods, eh?

ZHENG YI SAO: Good morning, my friends!

- OLUWANDE: Hey, it's Zheng.

- ZHENG'S CREW: Good morning!

Did we all have a restful sleep?

(CREW MEMBERS AGREEING)

Oh, excellent. So did I.

The sea's restorative, isn't it?

Yes, Queen! I've always said so!

Oh, that guy knows.

Why are some people calling her "queen"?

Uh, apparently, she

conquered some place called

(ELONGATED) China.

- China?

- China.

Please, welcome your new crewmates

aboard the "Red Flag."

(ZHENG'S CREW GREETING

STEDE AND HIS CREW)

Lovely to be here.

Thank you. Yeah.

Shame about the wake-up.

Is that every morning, the bell?

ZHENG: You'll find that

we have a specific way

of doing things on this ship.

Our way of life focuses

on unity, cohesion,

mutual support, and balance.

Historically, men have

a harder time fitting in here.

But we decided to take a

chance on you because

How should I put this? Your energy is

- Tender?

- Mm. We're tender as hell.

- STEDE BONNET: Mm.

- (SIGHS) Um, um,

- I was gonna say, um

- Weak.

- Soft.

- STEDE: Mm!

- No offense.

- Oh, none taken. (CHUCKLES)

There is one other man on board.

Rat Boy! Come!

- The fit on these is lovely.

- BLACK PETE: Mm.

What's new, Queen?

- Oh God.

- LUCIUS: Oh, my God.

(SCREAMS) Oh, my God! You guys!

(SCREAMS)

(CHEERY MUSIC PLAYING)

(CREW YELLING, CHEERING)

Oh, my God.

Men are so f*cking emotional.

♪

I thought you d*ed!

I know. I think a lot of people did.

And now you have a, a beard?

Do ya hate it?

I love it.

I love all of it.

Rat Boy. What's that about?

Oh, um, (SIGHS) I'm

trying to think about this,

um, I think it's like, um,

it's like a lunar calendar

thing or s or some

What exactly happened to you, Lucius?

I was

- (LUCIUS YELLS)

- (SPLASH)

I fell off the ship.

That doesn't sound like you.

You have impeccable balance, babe.

AUNTIE: Attention!

Right. Armament. Kitchen.

Tailors duty.

(SOFTLY) Yes!

Towels. You go with Rat Boy.

(SOFTLY) f*ck.

Towels? Wh-What is this? Are these jobs?

What's happening?

- Lucius? I'm overqualified for towels.

- (LUCIUS GROANS)

Sea witch.

(SIGHS) I have looked

for you far and wide.

But then you probably know that.

Best not assume we

know anythin' at all, Mum.

(WHISPERS) Be gone, wise

demon. Await for me above.

Aye, aye, Mum.

FRENCHIE: Captain?

Captain?

- Captain Oh!

- Hey, there he is!

Here I am. You're looking chipper.

Thank you. Feel like a

million bucks, actually.

Yeah, I had a very

rough night last night.

(SOBBING)

But I think I got all the

poison out of my system.

It's a new day. No more

booze, no more dr*gs.

- And more importantly, no more Izzy.

- Nope.

Nope. You did k*ll him, didn't ya?

Certainly did. Ages ago.

- Good.

- Thank you.

It's a nasty business, I know it.

But that's the code of

the sea: the new first mate

always kills the old first mate.

It's always been like that.

It's about trust. Trust is so important.

Oh, yeah. Trust is king and queen.

- Trust is everything.

- Hm.

Well, better go and do the rounds.

Make sure everything's

ship-shape. (CLEARS THROAT)

Hey, Frenchie.

Yes, Captain.

I expect great things from you.

Thanks.

(LIGHT CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)

(SCREAMS) k*ll me, you f*cking cowards!

- (SHUSHING)

- Lord above he smells somethin' terrible!

Yeah, his, his leg's rotting!

It needs to be cut off.

We just had him asleep.

You're freakin' him out.

(SCREAMS) k*ll me

Alright. Just listen,

listen, listen, listen.

Start with his leg, see where it goes.

- ARCHIE: Okay.

- (FRENCHIE GROANS)

JIM: I've never done

this before. Which one?

Oh, definitely the f*cked-up one.

I think that one's all right.

I'm not a f*cking idiot. Which one?

Oh! Oh. (CHUCKLES)

Um, dealer's choice.

- Yeah. Alright.

- Alright, um

- Uno, dos

- Tres.

- (SLICES)

- (ALL EXCLAIM)

Oh, he's a gusher! He's a gusher!

- Oh, that is a lot of blood.

- (IZZY WAILING)

- Aye, aye, aye!

- (SLICES)

STEDE: And of course, we haven't seen

- each other in ages.

- CREW: Aww.

I know. It's terrible.

So I'm using this long list of crimes

and dramatic upsets

to basically triangulate

where he's most likely to be.

Ooh, hang on. He might be in Cuba!

Maggie, Jane, Tiff.

Give us the room.

- Is that Cuba?

- (DOOR SHUTS)

So hard to tell.

I mean, I've drawn it myself.

(LUCIUS SNIFFLES, CLEARS THROAT)

Ah, Lucius, look.

They drew him to look like a ghoul.

Are you even gonna ask how I am?

- Oh, how are you?

- f*ck you!

That's how I am.

What's gotten into you?

I didn't fall off "The Revenge."

He pushed me.

Ed pushed you? Why would he do that?

You broke him when you left,

and then he broke me.

Everything that's happened to me since

has been your fault!

Uh, wait! Lucius.

Come on. W-Where are you going?

Oh, yeah. Now you care?

(SIGHS)

I see you've adopted the form

of a humble man, sea witch.

I've an offering for you:

a spell book on therianthropy.

The ability to transmogrify

betwixt human and non-human forms.

Take it, thou demon.

Use it wisely. Bless our travels.

(AUNTIE SQUAWKS)

Oh, aye.

Ohh, aye.

(GRUNTS) Right. What have we here?

- Whoa Lord above.

- Hey.

Was someone injured?

No No, just

assembling the first aid kit,

in case, in c-c-c

in case of anything.

- Quick question.

- Fire away. Not literally, I hope.

How'd you k*ll Izzy?

Slit his throat. (WHISTLES) Classic.

Ah. (INHALES)

Now (EXHALES) you're

left-handed, aren't you?

- You just used your right.

- Did I?

- Mm.

- Must've got mixed up.

Ya know, bit, bit, bit, bit of panto

for the Captain. (CHUCKLES)

(MOCKINGLY) P-Panto?

(BUMPS TABLE)

- I'm curious.

- Okay.

Do you think I wouldn't know the smell

of my rotting former first mate?

(TENSE MUSIC PLAYS)

- (JIM GROANS)

- ARCHIE: That is one stank-ass leg,

done and dusted.

(HEAVY BREATHING)

We did it! He'll live?

Uh eh, 50/50 I reckon.

Yeah, he's very, um, still right now.

Uh-huh. (EXHALES)

What's your interest in this guy anyway?

He seems like a bit of a d*ck.

Uh, he is

but he's our d*ck.

There was a time when life

meant something on this ship.

When we lived for each other.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Not just to survive.

Guess you never know when you're

in the middle of the good old days.

(SIGHS)

What was that for?

You have hope. (CHUCKLES) It's cute.

Oh, plus, I I really like

that story that you told

about the wooden demon

boy that thirsted for life.

Or was it blood? No, I

was cleaning up the blood

- (FOOTSTEPS)

- Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho.

What have we got here. Hm?

- Hey, no one told me this room existed.

- BLACKBEARD: Shh.

Leave me, all of you.

Take the f*ckin' leg.

He was your friend.

(WATER SLOSHING)

♪

I know what you're doing.

What am I doing? I just need someone

to clean my office and do some filing.

You don't need this kind of distraction.

- He doesn't even know what filing is.

- Of course, he does.

Shht! How are you filing those?

Oh, I'm kind of sortin' them by weight.

Now, I could do it

by width if, if you wanted.

Or I could even open it up

and, and, and do it like that.

N The main thing is off the floor.

You're doin' great.

(CHUCKLES) Thanks.

- I had a system.

- (WHISPERS) What was your system?

(WHISPERS) Uh, well,

you wouldn't understand

because it was ahead of its time.

What have you done?

Oh Yeah, I thought

I'd tidy that up a bit.

You know, the little ships

were all over the place,

and some of them were over land.

- It was just messy

- Silence!

Each of these ships was placed on

a particular coordinate

and moved daily based on the current,

weather patterns, and wind speed.

- f*ck.

- Mm.

Well, let me fix it

because I remember

- (SHOUTS) Back

- Or not.

- away.

- Why don't we get some air?

Okay.

I mean, I thought I did it

in the right colors and stuff.

I'm so sorry about the big board.

- Your aunt seemed proper pissed.

- Oh, ignore that.

Pissed is her natural

state. (SLIGHT CHUCKLE)

Yeah, but I think she has a right,

you know, to pull the Kn*fe.

I have no business filin' scrolls.

I mean, you conquered Chee-na.

- China.

- Chi sh*t.

China. China. China. China. China.

S I can't even get that right.

I mean (SIGHS) you

can't file to save your life.

And I'm pretty sure

you broke the abacus.

Yeah, I f*cked that up.

But you're calm,

and you're smart, and

I actually I I really liked it

when you would visit the soup stand.

(LIGHT MUSIC PLAYING)

Did you?

I mean, it was work,

but when you showed up,

it it wasn't.

You were kinda

you were kinda like the break in my day.

- (BOTH CHUCKLE)

- I don't know.

I've, I've never been called "the

break" in anyone's day before.

♪

(SLURPS, MOANS)

Are you guys tasting this?

This broth, it's, it's beautiful,

complicated, balanced.

It might be the best thing I've ever had.

- WEE JOHN: Mm.

- We eat

but how often do we taste?

Yeah, the broth's pretty wild.

So wild. It's insane.

Jesus Christ, Stede, keep your pants on.

So, babe, you smoke now?

Do I? Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Um, I must've picked it up

somewhere or something. I don't know.

Ya don't know if ya picked up smokin'?

I used to chew the old tobacco leaf

when I was young and edgy.

- Look at his beard. Mr. Cool.

- (CREW MEMBERS LAUGH)

Isn't this the best ship

you've ever been on?

Being captained by Zheng,

it really makes the shitty,

pathetic, incompetent

captains stand out.

CREW: Ooh!

Okay. U-Uh, wow.

- My spicy little Rat Boy.

- (ANGRILY) Never f*ckin' call me that!

God, I'm sorry, I, I

don't know where that

I'm I I'm gonna go

f-f-fix something in towels.

(SLURPING)

What the hell is going on in towels?

(WATER SLOSHING)

(SNIFFS, GROANS)

- Morning.

- My leg.

Yeah. Oh, no, that's gone now.

Up in Leg Heaven.

Have you come to take the other one?

I think one's quite enough.

I just popped down

to say a proper goodbye.

(COCKS g*n)

I had a dream about you last night.

- Take it.

- Oh, f*ck off.

- f*ck off. f*ck off!

- Hold it! Hold it.

I dreamt that ya k*lled me.

sh*t me right through the skull.

Good for you.

It was good for me.

It's just what the doctor ordered.

Anyway, it wasn't even like that.

Not in my dream.

I was standing.

Just like this.

(LIGHT, SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)

(SNIFFLES, LAUGHS)

Ohh. (SNIFFLES) Ooh, you scared, Eddie?

Too s Too scared to do it yourself.

Ay? (LAUGHS)

Go on. Clean up your own

f*ckin' mess. I'm not doin' it.

I've been doin' it all my f*ckin' life.

f*ck off.

Farewell, old chum.

♪

(g*nsh*t)

I loved you

best I could.

Yeah, sorry. I-I know you said

you're expecting a lot from me,

Captain.

But, um, do you wanna do this here

or down at the bottom of the ship

'cause I can just jump

over and make it easier.

Listen, if you weren't

such a treacherous liar

I wouldn't have had closure

with Izzy, so I thank you for that.

Yeah, you're welcome. You're welcome.

(CHUCKLES) Take the day off, brother.

- Go live.

- Yeah?

Sure you don't want

me to do any steerings?

Nah.

Do me good to be at the wheel for a bit.

Clear my head.

CREW: Whoa!

(SHIP CREAKING)

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

Lucius, I hate seeing you like this.

You can't keep it bottled in.

I get that you're angry,

so be angry at me.

Don't take it out on Pete.

Oh, Stede Bonnet's giving

me relationship advice.

- (LAUGHS MOCKINGLY)

- Yes! He is, actually.

Because he's older than

you, and he knows more.

I've got an ex-wife,

two messed-up kids, probably,

and I hurt Ed so much,

he pushed you off the ship!

Sounds like you're

quite the f*ck-up, pal.

Yeah, I am. And I'm alone.

Talk to Pete.

(WHISPERS) Don't be like me.

If I start, I don't know

what's gonna come out.

Look, if you're afraid inside, it's okay.

But I'm not. Just hit me with it.

One doesn't just survive at sea.

- One has to do things.

- Oh.

Horrible things.

Yep. Yeah. I know. I know.

I passed from ship to ship,

and one of them had this

rat terrier named Pepper,

and Pepper was, ya know, a,

a pretty good friend, ya know?

Oh, that's nice. Dogs are nice.

- They ate him!

- Oh, no!

- Yeah. They f*ckin' ate him.

- What?!

- Why?!

- I don't know! For a laugh.

And then I had to catch

the rats with my teeth.

They were weirdly finicky about that.

Well, that's why you're called

- Rat Boy!

- Rat Boy!

- Oh, God.

- And then

- Oh, God, you're not gonna believe it.

- You know what?

- Save the rest for Pete

- No, no, listen,

there was this game

called the Human Puppet.

- Save it!

- Stede, the hand went where you think!

Oh, Lucius, please!

I haven't even told you about

the little man who d*ed in my lap.

He wasn't even a child,

he was just a very small man!

Oh, God.

- (SHIP CREAKING)

- (WHISPERS) So,

- do we think he's better?

- (WHISPERS) f*ck, no.

(WHISPERS) Well-Well,

I don't know about that.

He seemed pretty calm to me.

He said he just wanted to spend

some more time

(SHIP CREAKING)

with nature.

(BLACKBEARD EXCLAIMS)

FRENCHIE: Hey! Do you

want some help, Captain?

- No, I'm good!

- We're sailing into a storm, boss!

(YELLS) Whoa.

Oh, it suddenly looks that way,

doesn't it, brother?

Oh, it's a bad one, too. (LAUGHS)

And some maniac got rid of the wheel.

- (WAVE CRASHES)

- (ALL EXCLAIM)

Holy sh*t!

Well, that's the Caribbean

for you, isn't it?

Sunshine one minute, cataracts the next!

You'll f*cking k*ll us,

you f*ckin' psycho!

Maybe, maybe not!

The odds of surviving a storm

like this are pretty low,

and if I fire one into the mast,

the chance will go right down to zero!

What do you want, pila de mierda?

- (THUNDERING)

- What do I want?

I want you to fight her to the death!

- Why?!

- That's a bit misogynistic, man.

- (CREW YELLS, EXCLAIMS)

- Yeah, probably.

All love dies!

I'm just hastening the process!

Leave it, man, we're not

gonna fight to the death.

- (GRUNTS)

- (CREW EXCLAIMS)

That's more like it!

In my experience, it's kind

of how stuff goes, ya know?

- (YELLING, FIGHTING)

- BLACKBEARD: That's the way!

LUCIUS: Hey

I talked to Pete.

Well, that's wonderful.

Please tell me you held back

on some of the darker stuff.

Yeah. Yeah, he, um, he got nauseous

and he kind of started crying,

and, um, I didn't wanna

take him too far, too fast,

so we took a break.

Good.

You should take a close look at those.

Past the clues to finding the

man you love, but, you know,

look at the horrible list of crimes

he's committed, you know.

There are a few beheadings on here,

and it looks like he's

got back into arson,

and just being a bit of a d*ck.

- And I think I hurt him pretty bad.

- Maybe.

But maybe the time he spent with you

is the best it's ever gonna get for him.

("RUN FROM ME" BY TIMBER TIMBRE PLAYING)

I'm not ready to believe that.

Some people are just broken

no matter what ya do.

(PANTING)

Come on! End her! Or I end us all!

It's okay. It's just life.

BLACKBEARD: Come on! Do it!

Not on my life.

♪

- (THUNDERING)

- Aw, that's too bad!

You were gonna do it anyway!

(LAUGHS)

I was I was.

- (BLACKBEARD CACKLES)

- Run ♪

- (WAVE CRASHES)

- Run ♪

Run ♪

- Run ♪

- (SINGER VOCALIZING)

Run ♪

Run ♪

Run ♪

(VOCALIZING)

(g*nsh*t)

Run ♪

Run ♪

Run ♪

Run ♪

Run ♪

(LAUGHING)

You indestructible little fucker!

♪

(FANG YELLS)

♪

Zheng's Soldier (SHOUTS): Pull!

- And pull! And pull!

- (SOLDIERS YELL, GRUNT)

Pull! Steady! Steady!

♪

(THUNDERING)

(JIM GRUNTS)

Finally.

(LAUGHS)

(JIM SCREAMS)

♪

(RAIN FALLING)

I will spare his life just this once,

but he is to come

nowhere near the board.

His domain will be the

scrolls, cleaning the dishes,

and collecting random hairs

from around your desk.

There's not that many hairs.

(KNOCKS AT DOOR)

Queen, urgent carrier bird

requesting your presence.

Okay, I should take this.

- What's the message?

- (WHISPERS) Oh, there's no message,

I just thought you could use a break.