05x23 - Edward's Big Adventure
Posted: 10/19/23 06:21
♪ Here we are, face to face ♪
♪ A couple of silver spoons ♪
♪ Hopin' to find
We're two of a kind ♪
♪ Makin' a go, makin' it grow ♪
♪ Together
We're gonna find our way ♪
♪ Together
Takin' the time each day ♪
♪ To learn all about those
Things you just can't buy ♪
♪ Two silver spoons together ♪
♪ You and I ♪
♪ Together ♪
♪ We're gonna find our way ♪
♪ You and I ♪
♪ Together ♪
♪ We're gonna find our way ♪
♪ We're gonna find our way ♪
♪ Together ♪
[♪♪♪]
Ah!
And...
[ELECTRONIC BEEP]
[LAUGHS]
Hey, Dad, did I just hear
another "Fijjit Wijjit Fanfare"?
You sure did. I just put
another one together.
Another one?
That's amazing.
I haven't even come close
to putting one
of them together.
Well, son, you know
I've always had a certain
hand and eye coordination,
depth, visual, perception.
You also invented
the stupid thing.
Well, it helps...
[DOORBELL RINGING]
I'll get it.
You know, Dad,
I've never seen you
so excited about
one of your toys.
Hey, I've never had a toy
that was such a big hit before.
You know our commercial,
"Get with it...
Fidget with
a Fijjit Wijjit."
Mr. Edward Stratton?
Uh, no, he's right in here.
Come on in.
You're Edward Stratton?
Yeah. That's me.
This is for you, sir.
Oh, what is it?
A summons.
A what?
My client, Derek Marshall,
is suing you for $ million.
What?
$ million?
Dad, what did you do?
It is our contention
that your Fijjit Wijjit
is a direct rip-off
of my client's Goofy Kube.
That's impossible.
I invented the Fijjit Wijjit
all by myself
in the Eddie Toys Lab.
I swear.
You'll get your chance
to swear in court.
Oh, this is terrible.
My company has sold
millions of these.
My wife is going
to Washington
to negotiate
the foreign rights today.
A lawsuit's gonna
ruin everything.
Is there anything
my dad can do?
Well, there is one thing.
Um...
You could take this lawsuit
and all correspondence
relating to it.
Yeah?
Put it all in
a brown paper bag.
A brown paper bag?
Then swing it over your head
and cackle like a chicken.
[BOTH LAUGHING]
April Fools!
Dad, we got you.
[LAUGHING]
Hook, line and sinker!
You dirty, no good...
Dad, this is Larry.
He works
in the butcher shop.
Oh.
I thought
I smelled pork chops.
Oh, I'd better get to work.
Well, Larry, thanks a lot.
You were great.
Oh.
Any time.
[LAUGHS]
[LAUGHING]
I don't believe you went
to all that trouble
to pull
an April Fools' joke.
Oh, come on, Dad.
After how you got me last year.
Itching powder
in my Jockey shorts.
Yeah. That was great.
[LAUGHING]
Well, just remember,
April Fools'
lasts all day long.
Well, thanks for telling me
because now I'll be
watching out for you.
There's no way
you're gonna get me, Dad.
Yeah. We'll see.
No, no, no. No way.
[CHUCKLES]
Well, I'm on my way.
Here's a number where
I can be reached.
Okey-doke.
What are you going to do
tonight while I'm gone?
Oh, I don't know.
Maybe I'll catch up on my
reading, watch a little TV.
If you get lonely,
give Dexter a call.
Or maybe you could call
one of your other friends.
Yeah.
Maybe I'll pull out
my little black book.
It's hard to read
a little black book
with two black eyes.
Like I said,
I'll watch TV.
[♪♪♪]
Hey, Rick!
There's a letter here for you!
RICK:
Oh, come on, Dad.
I'm not gonna fall
for that old gag.
It's not an April Fools' joke.
It's a letter.
It is?
A little suspicious,
are we?
Well, Dad, do you blame me?
[CHUCKLES]
Hey, bud, since
Kate's away tonight,
why don't you and me
take in a movie together, huh?
We could go down to that place
with eight movies in it,
the Octiplex.
Uh-uh. No, no, no. Dad, I'm not
fallin' for that trick.
The what?
The old "Take 'em down
to the Octiplex
and drive away" trick.
No way.
Will you stop this?
I just want to spend
some time with my son.
Well, Dad, I can't tonight,
really. I'm awfully busy.
Well, what if I tag along?
I'm going down
to the mall with my buddies,
you know, pick up girls.
Great! When do we leave?
Dad?
Just kidding.
Okay.
You go ahead.
Have a good time.
I'll be fine.
Well, okay, then.
See you later, Dad.
[WHISTLING]
I don't know how
to play the piano!
[DOORBELL RINGS]
People!
[LAUGHS]
Dex, hey, am I glad
to see you!
Well, it's nice
to see you too.
Listen, I just came by
with these papers for Kate.
Will you see that she gets
them as soon as she returns?
Sure will.
What's your big hurry, guy, huh?
Why don't you
hang around a while?
Come on, we can make
a night out of it.
Hey, we haven't
done that in ages.
Done what?
You know, sat around
in our undershirts,
drank some beer,
watch wrestling
on the tube.
Well, I sort of
have a date.
No problem. Bring her over.
Oh, she'd love that.
The three of us, sitting around
in undershirts drinking beer.
Yeah.
That wouldn't be
so good, huh?
[SCOFFS]
Well, have a good time.
I'm planning on it.
[CHUCKLES]
You know what I'm gonna do?
This is a good
opportunity for me
to call a bunch
of my old pals.
You know, I got guys
I haven't seen in years.
A Rolodex full of them.
That's the spirit, Edward.
Reach out and touch someone.
That's what I'm gonna do.
Alrighty. Alrighty.
Let's see here.
Let's start right in
on the A's.
Anderson! Joe Anderson!
Boy, haven't seen him
in years.
Zabreskie.
Yeah. Hello? Is this
the Zabreskie residence?
Zack?
Hey, this is Ed Stratton.
Hey! How ya doin', buddy?
Yeah?
You doin' anything tonight?
Are you busy?
I'm not either.
Hey, what was the name
of that little jazz club
that we used to hang around in
over in Freeport?
The Mellow Note!
That was the one! Yeah!
You wanna meet me there?
You wanna have a couple
of drinks?
We could listen
to some cool jazz.
Wh...
Eight o'clock?
I'll wait for you.
Okay, yeah,
there's always something
fun happening
at The Mellow Note.
[SLOW MUSIC PLAYING]
♪ Giving all your love
To just one man ♪
♪ You'll have bad times ♪
♪ And he'll have good times ♪
♪ Doin' things
That you don't understand ♪
Boy, this place has sure
changed in the last years.
Life has changed.
What are you having?
Oh, uh...
[STAMMERING]
Brandy Alexander. Thanks.
How come I'm not surprised?
Maybe I'll just have a beer.
♪ And if you love him ♪
♪ Oh, be proud of him ♪
♪ 'Cause after all
He's just a man ♪
Oh, thank you.
You know I used to come
in this place and...
Hi.
I'm Darla.
You wanna play?
Huh?
Pool.
Pool!
[CHUCKLES]
No, no, thank you. I'm...
I'm waiting for someone.
Aren't we all.
Can I buy you a drink?
Uh...
No, thanks,
I'm drinking this one.
Then why don't you
buy me one?
Oh, sure, sure. Uh...
Here, what are you drinking?
Just a Perrier,
with a double sh*t
of vodka.
How you doing?
Ah...
Wanna play
a little eight ball?
A dollar a game.
A buck a game?
Sure.
You win again.
[SIGHS]
That's what? Uh, $ .
I'm afraid so.
You're fast, Eddie.
"Fast Eddie."
Great nick name.
Now hey, come on,
you keep practicing,
you're gonna get there.
I could feel myself getting
better as we're playing.
It's gonna take
a little more...
I know I could b*at you.
Well, now...
Let's up the stakes.
Your funeral.
Eight ball, corner pocket.
You owe me bucks.
Yeah. Ahem.
Unless you want to make it
double or nothing?
No, no, no.
No, I think I'll just, uh...
Settle up right now.
That's strange.
I can't find my wallet.
Now, wait a minute.
Now I put my wallet
in my jacket.
And I took it off
to play pool
and I put it right here
on this chair next to...
Darla.
Darla. Where's Darla?
Oh, great.
Lost your wallet.
Gee, that's too bad.
Yeah.
For you.
[♪♪♪]
Now, no, no, wait a minute,
wait a minute.
Come on, guys.
We can work this out.
We're reasonable men.
Aren't we?
Of course we are.
[CHUCKLES] Of course.
You give me my money,
and Jake here doesn't stuff
you in a corner pocket.
No, no, no.
Look, I'm good for it.
Come on. Honest.
I'm Edward Stratton III.
And I'm Henry VIII.
Off with his head.
I've got the money.
Where?
At home.
In my safe.
And I suppose you want us
to let you leave,
so you can go get the money
and bring it back here.
Perfect! And I won't be more
than minutes.
Oh.
I don't think so.
Okay, okay, okay.
Okay, fine, fine. Uh...
Could I make a phone call?
Even the police
let you do that.
Be my guest.
Thank you.
Could I borrow a quarter?
How could
you be so stupid?
We were this close to getting
somewhere with those girls.
Hey, I gave them
my best line.
Brad, that wasn't
a good line.
Hey, "Yo, babes,
you wanna go mud wrestling?"
[PHONE RINGING]
Brad, I'll get it.
Hello.
Rick! Thank God
you're there.
Dad?
Yeah, I was afraid
you'd still be out, son.
Oh. no, we're home early,
thanks to Brad.
So where are you?
I'm over in Freeport. At a bar
called "The Mellow Note."
Now listen, would you do me
a favor, son?
A favor?
Yeah. See, this woman
stole my wallet.
A woman stole your wallet?
Yeah, and I want you
to go to the safe
and get out $ .
[LAUGHS]
Four hundred dollars?
Yeah, son,
just get the money,
bring it over
to The Mellow Note.
It's at Chapman Street.
Dad, should I put this
in a brown paper bag
and cackle like a chicken?
What?
You know, Dad,
you've got to get up
pretty early in the morning
to pull one over on the Ricker.
Listen, Ricker...
Look, Dad, it was a nice try,
but better luck next time.
[DIAL TONE HUMMING]
Rick!
Rick!
Kids.
My son. He thinks I'm playing
a practical joke on him.
You know, April Fools!
[CHUCKLES]
We play jokes on each other
all the time.
This morning he sent the butcher
to give me a summons.
[LAUGHS]
Of course I didn't know
it was the butcher.
I should have known.
He smelled like pork chops.
Anyway, I decided that
if we're gonna have--
Enough! You're giving me
a headache!
There's got to be
a simpler solution.
I agree.
Break his fingers.
What? No! Wait, wait, wait.
I'm meeting someone here,
Zack Zabreskie.
He'll give me the money.
Start with his thumbs.
No, no, no, no.
Please, let me... Let me make
another phone call.
I can't do that
with broken fingers.
Okay. Go ahead.
And let's not make this
an all-night affair.
Thank you.
Listen, I didn't want
to call you.
You're my last hope
and these guys play rough.
It's only $ ,
so if you would just...
[DIAL TONE HUMMING]
Hello.
Some friend.
That was my father.
There he is. Zack!
[LAUGHS]
I told you he'd be here.
Go ahead.
Right. Hey, Zack!
Am I glad to see you, buddy!
Nice to see you too,
Edward.
Boy, you look great!
You haven't changed a bit.
[CHUCKLES]
You mean I'm still bald.
Come on.
I never thought of you
as bald, old buddy.
So how's business?
Good.
How's Sheila?
Fine.
Can I borrow $ ?
What?
Zack, I know this sounds
a little crazy,
but you see
those guys over there?
I owe them some money.
Oh.
So that's the reason
you called me up
after all these years.
What?
No, no, Zack,
this happened
after I called you.
I promise. I swear.
Well, I'm not surprised
you're broke.
If anyone was going
to squander a fortune,
it was going to be
Crazy Eddie.
I'm not broke!
I didn't squander anything.
It was a pool game.
Oh, of course! Gambling.
Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm.
Many a million
has been lost that way.
It was only $ .
And that's all I need.
Four hundred,
now come on, Zack.
Do it for an old friend.
I'm not giving you
the money.
What? You what?
It's the only way
you're going to learn.
Yeah, but-- But--
You can't go through life
expecting people
to bail you out.
I'm not, Zack, I'm...
You'll thank me
for this later.
No, I won't, baldy!
Time's up.
Now, wait, wait.
Okay, now, guys,
come on now.
You can't break my fingers.
I'm a surgeon.
Just do the legs.
Rick!
That's my son.
Can I be excused?
Oh, buddy...
What a toilet.
Are you okay?
Oh, I'm fine, I'm fine.
Did you bring the money?
We sure did.
Here.
Good. Good.
Hey! Ho-ho!
For somebody
who didn't believe me,
you got here in a hurry.
When I saw
your car was gone...
He realized you might have done
something dumb after all.
Well, Dad, what happened?
Oh, it was just a friendly
little pool game.
You know, a bunch of guys
playing, making some bets...
You got hustled.
Yeah.
Here you are.
The entire amount.
I told you
I was good for it.
You wouldn't care to try
to win it back, would you?
No. I wouldn't.
You know,
I play a little pool.
Brad!
Guys, let's just
get out of here, huh?
Say, uh... Ahem.
What's that?
It's a Fijjit Wijjit.
The latest thing.
How's it work?
Hey, isn't that your--
You're supposed to line up
all the shapes on one side.
Oh, kids' toy.
Oh, yeah?
It's not so easy.
Although Jake here
is pretty good.
I could do that
in two minutes.
You think?
Come on, any toddler could.
You care to make
a little wager on that?
No. No.
No. I don't think so.
Double or nothing?
Well...
[♪♪♪]
So you see, Kate,
when Dad asked me
to bring all that cash,
I figured he was trying
to play a practical joke on me.
Oh, well, you should have known
your father wouldn't lie.
That's what I told him.
Yeah.
And to think
the whole thing started
because some guy
stole your wallet.
Tsk, tsk.
Whatever happened to honesty?
Well, all's well
that ends well.
I won enough cash
to choke a horse.
Or an elephant.
Yeah.
Rick, want to put this back
in the safe for me, bud?
Sure, Dad.
Do I get a ?
[LAUGHING]
[CLEARS THROAT]
[BOTH CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]
[LAUGHING]
April fools'!
Got you!
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
♪ A couple of silver spoons ♪
♪ Hopin' to find
We're two of a kind ♪
♪ Makin' a go, makin' it grow ♪
♪ Together
We're gonna find our way ♪
♪ Together
Takin' the time each day ♪
♪ To learn all about those
Things you just can't buy ♪
♪ Two silver spoons together ♪
♪ You and I ♪
♪ Together ♪
♪ We're gonna find our way ♪
♪ You and I ♪
♪ Together ♪
♪ We're gonna find our way ♪
♪ We're gonna find our way ♪
♪ Together ♪
[♪♪♪]
Ah!
And...
[ELECTRONIC BEEP]
[LAUGHS]
Hey, Dad, did I just hear
another "Fijjit Wijjit Fanfare"?
You sure did. I just put
another one together.
Another one?
That's amazing.
I haven't even come close
to putting one
of them together.
Well, son, you know
I've always had a certain
hand and eye coordination,
depth, visual, perception.
You also invented
the stupid thing.
Well, it helps...
[DOORBELL RINGING]
I'll get it.
You know, Dad,
I've never seen you
so excited about
one of your toys.
Hey, I've never had a toy
that was such a big hit before.
You know our commercial,
"Get with it...
Fidget with
a Fijjit Wijjit."
Mr. Edward Stratton?
Uh, no, he's right in here.
Come on in.
You're Edward Stratton?
Yeah. That's me.
This is for you, sir.
Oh, what is it?
A summons.
A what?
My client, Derek Marshall,
is suing you for $ million.
What?
$ million?
Dad, what did you do?
It is our contention
that your Fijjit Wijjit
is a direct rip-off
of my client's Goofy Kube.
That's impossible.
I invented the Fijjit Wijjit
all by myself
in the Eddie Toys Lab.
I swear.
You'll get your chance
to swear in court.
Oh, this is terrible.
My company has sold
millions of these.
My wife is going
to Washington
to negotiate
the foreign rights today.
A lawsuit's gonna
ruin everything.
Is there anything
my dad can do?
Well, there is one thing.
Um...
You could take this lawsuit
and all correspondence
relating to it.
Yeah?
Put it all in
a brown paper bag.
A brown paper bag?
Then swing it over your head
and cackle like a chicken.
[BOTH LAUGHING]
April Fools!
Dad, we got you.
[LAUGHING]
Hook, line and sinker!
You dirty, no good...
Dad, this is Larry.
He works
in the butcher shop.
Oh.
I thought
I smelled pork chops.
Oh, I'd better get to work.
Well, Larry, thanks a lot.
You were great.
Oh.
Any time.
[LAUGHS]
[LAUGHING]
I don't believe you went
to all that trouble
to pull
an April Fools' joke.
Oh, come on, Dad.
After how you got me last year.
Itching powder
in my Jockey shorts.
Yeah. That was great.
[LAUGHING]
Well, just remember,
April Fools'
lasts all day long.
Well, thanks for telling me
because now I'll be
watching out for you.
There's no way
you're gonna get me, Dad.
Yeah. We'll see.
No, no, no. No way.
[CHUCKLES]
Well, I'm on my way.
Here's a number where
I can be reached.
Okey-doke.
What are you going to do
tonight while I'm gone?
Oh, I don't know.
Maybe I'll catch up on my
reading, watch a little TV.
If you get lonely,
give Dexter a call.
Or maybe you could call
one of your other friends.
Yeah.
Maybe I'll pull out
my little black book.
It's hard to read
a little black book
with two black eyes.
Like I said,
I'll watch TV.
[♪♪♪]
Hey, Rick!
There's a letter here for you!
RICK:
Oh, come on, Dad.
I'm not gonna fall
for that old gag.
It's not an April Fools' joke.
It's a letter.
It is?
A little suspicious,
are we?
Well, Dad, do you blame me?
[CHUCKLES]
Hey, bud, since
Kate's away tonight,
why don't you and me
take in a movie together, huh?
We could go down to that place
with eight movies in it,
the Octiplex.
Uh-uh. No, no, no. Dad, I'm not
fallin' for that trick.
The what?
The old "Take 'em down
to the Octiplex
and drive away" trick.
No way.
Will you stop this?
I just want to spend
some time with my son.
Well, Dad, I can't tonight,
really. I'm awfully busy.
Well, what if I tag along?
I'm going down
to the mall with my buddies,
you know, pick up girls.
Great! When do we leave?
Dad?
Just kidding.
Okay.
You go ahead.
Have a good time.
I'll be fine.
Well, okay, then.
See you later, Dad.
[WHISTLING]
I don't know how
to play the piano!
[DOORBELL RINGS]
People!
[LAUGHS]
Dex, hey, am I glad
to see you!
Well, it's nice
to see you too.
Listen, I just came by
with these papers for Kate.
Will you see that she gets
them as soon as she returns?
Sure will.
What's your big hurry, guy, huh?
Why don't you
hang around a while?
Come on, we can make
a night out of it.
Hey, we haven't
done that in ages.
Done what?
You know, sat around
in our undershirts,
drank some beer,
watch wrestling
on the tube.
Well, I sort of
have a date.
No problem. Bring her over.
Oh, she'd love that.
The three of us, sitting around
in undershirts drinking beer.
Yeah.
That wouldn't be
so good, huh?
[SCOFFS]
Well, have a good time.
I'm planning on it.
[CHUCKLES]
You know what I'm gonna do?
This is a good
opportunity for me
to call a bunch
of my old pals.
You know, I got guys
I haven't seen in years.
A Rolodex full of them.
That's the spirit, Edward.
Reach out and touch someone.
That's what I'm gonna do.
Alrighty. Alrighty.
Let's see here.
Let's start right in
on the A's.
Anderson! Joe Anderson!
Boy, haven't seen him
in years.
Zabreskie.
Yeah. Hello? Is this
the Zabreskie residence?
Zack?
Hey, this is Ed Stratton.
Hey! How ya doin', buddy?
Yeah?
You doin' anything tonight?
Are you busy?
I'm not either.
Hey, what was the name
of that little jazz club
that we used to hang around in
over in Freeport?
The Mellow Note!
That was the one! Yeah!
You wanna meet me there?
You wanna have a couple
of drinks?
We could listen
to some cool jazz.
Wh...
Eight o'clock?
I'll wait for you.
Okay, yeah,
there's always something
fun happening
at The Mellow Note.
[SLOW MUSIC PLAYING]
♪ Giving all your love
To just one man ♪
♪ You'll have bad times ♪
♪ And he'll have good times ♪
♪ Doin' things
That you don't understand ♪
Boy, this place has sure
changed in the last years.
Life has changed.
What are you having?
Oh, uh...
[STAMMERING]
Brandy Alexander. Thanks.
How come I'm not surprised?
Maybe I'll just have a beer.
♪ And if you love him ♪
♪ Oh, be proud of him ♪
♪ 'Cause after all
He's just a man ♪
Oh, thank you.
You know I used to come
in this place and...
Hi.
I'm Darla.
You wanna play?
Huh?
Pool.
Pool!
[CHUCKLES]
No, no, thank you. I'm...
I'm waiting for someone.
Aren't we all.
Can I buy you a drink?
Uh...
No, thanks,
I'm drinking this one.
Then why don't you
buy me one?
Oh, sure, sure. Uh...
Here, what are you drinking?
Just a Perrier,
with a double sh*t
of vodka.
How you doing?
Ah...
Wanna play
a little eight ball?
A dollar a game.
A buck a game?
Sure.
You win again.
[SIGHS]
That's what? Uh, $ .
I'm afraid so.
You're fast, Eddie.
"Fast Eddie."
Great nick name.
Now hey, come on,
you keep practicing,
you're gonna get there.
I could feel myself getting
better as we're playing.
It's gonna take
a little more...
I know I could b*at you.
Well, now...
Let's up the stakes.
Your funeral.
Eight ball, corner pocket.
You owe me bucks.
Yeah. Ahem.
Unless you want to make it
double or nothing?
No, no, no.
No, I think I'll just, uh...
Settle up right now.
That's strange.
I can't find my wallet.
Now, wait a minute.
Now I put my wallet
in my jacket.
And I took it off
to play pool
and I put it right here
on this chair next to...
Darla.
Darla. Where's Darla?
Oh, great.
Lost your wallet.
Gee, that's too bad.
Yeah.
For you.
[♪♪♪]
Now, no, no, wait a minute,
wait a minute.
Come on, guys.
We can work this out.
We're reasonable men.
Aren't we?
Of course we are.
[CHUCKLES] Of course.
You give me my money,
and Jake here doesn't stuff
you in a corner pocket.
No, no, no.
Look, I'm good for it.
Come on. Honest.
I'm Edward Stratton III.
And I'm Henry VIII.
Off with his head.
I've got the money.
Where?
At home.
In my safe.
And I suppose you want us
to let you leave,
so you can go get the money
and bring it back here.
Perfect! And I won't be more
than minutes.
Oh.
I don't think so.
Okay, okay, okay.
Okay, fine, fine. Uh...
Could I make a phone call?
Even the police
let you do that.
Be my guest.
Thank you.
Could I borrow a quarter?
How could
you be so stupid?
We were this close to getting
somewhere with those girls.
Hey, I gave them
my best line.
Brad, that wasn't
a good line.
Hey, "Yo, babes,
you wanna go mud wrestling?"
[PHONE RINGING]
Brad, I'll get it.
Hello.
Rick! Thank God
you're there.
Dad?
Yeah, I was afraid
you'd still be out, son.
Oh. no, we're home early,
thanks to Brad.
So where are you?
I'm over in Freeport. At a bar
called "The Mellow Note."
Now listen, would you do me
a favor, son?
A favor?
Yeah. See, this woman
stole my wallet.
A woman stole your wallet?
Yeah, and I want you
to go to the safe
and get out $ .
[LAUGHS]
Four hundred dollars?
Yeah, son,
just get the money,
bring it over
to The Mellow Note.
It's at Chapman Street.
Dad, should I put this
in a brown paper bag
and cackle like a chicken?
What?
You know, Dad,
you've got to get up
pretty early in the morning
to pull one over on the Ricker.
Listen, Ricker...
Look, Dad, it was a nice try,
but better luck next time.
[DIAL TONE HUMMING]
Rick!
Rick!
Kids.
My son. He thinks I'm playing
a practical joke on him.
You know, April Fools!
[CHUCKLES]
We play jokes on each other
all the time.
This morning he sent the butcher
to give me a summons.
[LAUGHS]
Of course I didn't know
it was the butcher.
I should have known.
He smelled like pork chops.
Anyway, I decided that
if we're gonna have--
Enough! You're giving me
a headache!
There's got to be
a simpler solution.
I agree.
Break his fingers.
What? No! Wait, wait, wait.
I'm meeting someone here,
Zack Zabreskie.
He'll give me the money.
Start with his thumbs.
No, no, no, no.
Please, let me... Let me make
another phone call.
I can't do that
with broken fingers.
Okay. Go ahead.
And let's not make this
an all-night affair.
Thank you.
Listen, I didn't want
to call you.
You're my last hope
and these guys play rough.
It's only $ ,
so if you would just...
[DIAL TONE HUMMING]
Hello.
Some friend.
That was my father.
There he is. Zack!
[LAUGHS]
I told you he'd be here.
Go ahead.
Right. Hey, Zack!
Am I glad to see you, buddy!
Nice to see you too,
Edward.
Boy, you look great!
You haven't changed a bit.
[CHUCKLES]
You mean I'm still bald.
Come on.
I never thought of you
as bald, old buddy.
So how's business?
Good.
How's Sheila?
Fine.
Can I borrow $ ?
What?
Zack, I know this sounds
a little crazy,
but you see
those guys over there?
I owe them some money.
Oh.
So that's the reason
you called me up
after all these years.
What?
No, no, Zack,
this happened
after I called you.
I promise. I swear.
Well, I'm not surprised
you're broke.
If anyone was going
to squander a fortune,
it was going to be
Crazy Eddie.
I'm not broke!
I didn't squander anything.
It was a pool game.
Oh, of course! Gambling.
Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm.
Many a million
has been lost that way.
It was only $ .
And that's all I need.
Four hundred,
now come on, Zack.
Do it for an old friend.
I'm not giving you
the money.
What? You what?
It's the only way
you're going to learn.
Yeah, but-- But--
You can't go through life
expecting people
to bail you out.
I'm not, Zack, I'm...
You'll thank me
for this later.
No, I won't, baldy!
Time's up.
Now, wait, wait.
Okay, now, guys,
come on now.
You can't break my fingers.
I'm a surgeon.
Just do the legs.
Rick!
That's my son.
Can I be excused?
Oh, buddy...
What a toilet.
Are you okay?
Oh, I'm fine, I'm fine.
Did you bring the money?
We sure did.
Here.
Good. Good.
Hey! Ho-ho!
For somebody
who didn't believe me,
you got here in a hurry.
When I saw
your car was gone...
He realized you might have done
something dumb after all.
Well, Dad, what happened?
Oh, it was just a friendly
little pool game.
You know, a bunch of guys
playing, making some bets...
You got hustled.
Yeah.
Here you are.
The entire amount.
I told you
I was good for it.
You wouldn't care to try
to win it back, would you?
No. I wouldn't.
You know,
I play a little pool.
Brad!
Guys, let's just
get out of here, huh?
Say, uh... Ahem.
What's that?
It's a Fijjit Wijjit.
The latest thing.
How's it work?
Hey, isn't that your--
You're supposed to line up
all the shapes on one side.
Oh, kids' toy.
Oh, yeah?
It's not so easy.
Although Jake here
is pretty good.
I could do that
in two minutes.
You think?
Come on, any toddler could.
You care to make
a little wager on that?
No. No.
No. I don't think so.
Double or nothing?
Well...
[♪♪♪]
So you see, Kate,
when Dad asked me
to bring all that cash,
I figured he was trying
to play a practical joke on me.
Oh, well, you should have known
your father wouldn't lie.
That's what I told him.
Yeah.
And to think
the whole thing started
because some guy
stole your wallet.
Tsk, tsk.
Whatever happened to honesty?
Well, all's well
that ends well.
I won enough cash
to choke a horse.
Or an elephant.
Yeah.
Rick, want to put this back
in the safe for me, bud?
Sure, Dad.
Do I get a ?
[LAUGHING]
[CLEARS THROAT]
[BOTH CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]
[LAUGHING]
April fools'!
Got you!
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]