01x09 - Naughty Pie

[bunniefuu]

- Ahh!

[yelling in Swedish]

I'm not having this!

How's it going, bros?

It's PewDiePie.

You're about to watch me

get the absolute sh*t
scared out of me.

Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Whoa!

This show takes
what I already do,

getting scared of horror games,

but taking it
to the next level.

Oh, sh*t.

A really f*cked up level.

- Naughty boy!

- Oh, sh*t!
What the f*ck?

So if you love watching me
get scared shitless,

you're gonna love
"Scare PewDiePie."

[haunting music]

♪ ♪

[upbeat pop music]

[buzzer sounds]

- Felix.

- Hello?

- Hey, Felix, it's Rach.

Come on out.

- All right. One second.

- We're joined today
by Rachel,

who doesn't trust Damon
or myself...

- Nope.

- To do the sh**t.

- Is that a venomous snake?

- I got to be honest,
I didn't check.

You tell me.
- No, I don't want to go!

- How did she get in there?

- I have no idea.

Go, guys! There's a fire!

Let's go!

- How's it going, bros?

It's PewDiePie.

Well, it's the last game.
I can't believe it.

Awesome journey

filled with terror...

[screaming]

Let me out!

Disgust...

Ew!
Eh!

Betrayal...

- Okay.
- What is this?

A lot of mixed emotions.

I can't trust anymore.
I just can't.

- Uh, I'm sorry that
I couldn't be there for you.

I'm sorry.

- Great.
All right, let's go.

- Let's go.

What can you tell me
about today, then?

You're being very secret today.

- Well...

- There's only one game
left on the list.

- Would you be disappointed
if we weren't playing it?

- No, you know what?

I will tell you, though,

what I will be disappointed in.

If I don't see Timmy again,

I'm gonna be legit pissed.

- That'll do it.
- Good.

- [chuckles]

- [holds low note]

- So when I say Sweden,

what's the first thing
that comes to mind?

- Meatballs.
- Kevin.

- Uh, I think of the blue
and yell--yellow flag.

- Yes.

- And Vikings.

- I think if you
went to Sweden,

you'd probably be
disappointed.

- Why?

- There's no Vikings.
- There's no Vikings.

Are there meatballs?
Is there chocolate?

- There's a serious lack
of meatballs.

No, chocolate is Switzerland.
- Oh, you're right.

- And I'm kind of offended.

- Oh, no!

- At me thinking that?
- Everyone gets that wrong.

- I'm sorry!

- [echoing]
Felix? Is everything okay?

[distorted speech]

How's your coffee?

- [laughing]

- Well, I don't even know
what's going on.

- I'll find you, Felix!

This will not be the end!

- [distorted speech]
Vikings?

[distorted speech]

- Hello, Felix.

- This is PewDiePie.

What up, bros?

- What'd we do
to betray your trust?

- Trapped in the dollhouse.

[intense music]

- PewDiePie.

Now we got to help him
get out.

♪ ♪

First off,
take off your blindfold.

This is gonna be weird.

What am I gonna get today?

Okay!

♪ ♪

I'm crippled!

Help!

Sorry about your legs
no longer working.

They don't want us to leave
the dollhouse.

How did you guys do that?
That's f*ckin' weird.

[laughing]

Oh, a banana.

Safe word.

To escape, we need to conquer
our greatest fears.

The first step to escape

is to read the letter
on your desk out lout.

Okay, I will read the letter
on my desk out loud.

Hello, Felix.
This is PewDiePie.

"We have amnesia."

Oh, sh*t!

"There are three things
you must do.

"Find the key to escape,

"find the secret phrase,

find yourself."

Okay, here I go.

Yes, can really walk
in these things.

[laughs]
Oh, it's me!

I found myself, guys.

Me and Marzia.

How did you find these pictures?

These are my private pictures,
guys.

Turn right, Felix.

Turn right?
Or am I right?

Okay, here's another.

Go to your left, Felix.

PewDiePie, you crazy, man.

Find the key, Felix.

Where's the key?
I don't--

What?

- Hey!

[knocks on door]

Hello?

Oh, sh*t.

- No!
[laughs]

Hell no.

Wrong way, sorry, Felix.

What the f*ck?

What the f*ck?

- You opened the wrong door

and you need to be punished.

Elbows on the table!
- I did not sign up for this.

Ah, okay.

- Naughty boy!
- Ah!

What the f*ck?
- Naughty, naughty!

- Okay.
- You get down on the ground.

Crawl around like a dog.

- Eh.

I d--I can't--
Ah!

- Bark like a dog!

- No--ah!
- Bark!

- Ah!
- Bark louder!

- Woof! Ahh!
- Bark like a dog! Bark!

- Bananas!

- Get back over here!
- Bananas!

This is not--
- You are late for dinner!

- This is seriously not cool,
guys.

- Get over here.

- Whoa! Okay.
- Piece of sh*t!

- Okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

- Get in there!
- Oh, what the f-- piggy!

- I've made three courses
for you.

You have to try all three.
Get over here.

All three!

Now!
- Ah! Okay.

What is this?
- Just eat it!

- I'm not gonna eat it!

Oh, sh*t.

"The"?

Okay.
Come on, Felix.

We got to find out
what the secret phrase is.

There's nothing in here!

[gasps]
No.

It's in the bottom, of course.

Okay, okay. I'm--
- Hurry it up!

- I'm trying. It's really hard.

"Bro."

Oh, sh*t,
not the poor little fellas.

Oh, God. I'm sorry, guys.

"The bro lives."
f*ck this.

- Congratulations.

- [muttering]

- Get over there.

Follow him and do
what they say!

[chanting in unison]
One, zero, zero, one...

- What the sh*t?

What the f*ck is this?

One, zero, zero, one, zero,
zero, zero, one--

All right.

You know I can't sit--
what are you--

why are you doing that?

[chanting in unison]
One, one, zero, zero,

one, one, zero, one, zero, zero,
one, one, zero, one...

- What are we doing?

What the f*ck?

- [raspy breathing]

[tense music]

♪ ♪

- Okay, well,
I think I can do it.

I feel pretty confident.

Yes.

Oh, sh*t! What the f*ck?

What?

- Okay. Fine.

Okay, there you go.

Are you happy?

Got it.

Yes.

[thunder booms]

- Oh, sh*t.

Oh, f*ck this.

- [growls]

- Oh, sh*t! What the f*ck?

God damn it.

Oh. It's gonna suck.

Yes.
That was not me.

♪ ♪

Good party.

Oh, sh*t.

Mr. Chair!
- Hey, buddy.

- Hey!

I missed you, man.

- How's it going, buddy?

- Yes!
- Come on over. Have a seat.

- Yay!

Okay.
[laughs]

Let's get the f*ck out of here.

- Hold on.
We've got a long ride ahead.

- Where are we going?

- Whoo. Yeah.

- Whoo-hoo-hoo!
- H-h-hold on.

- Mr. Chair,
what have you been smoking?

- We're almost there.

- "Almost there."
We haven't gone anywhere, dude.

- Pewds is out there.
- Thanks, dude.

All right, bro, I feel like
we're almost there.

Whoa!

- [deep voice] Now I need you
to get the hell off of me.

[dramatic music]

- No! Ah!

- [deep voice]
Up the stairs.

- All right,
thanks for the ride, dude.

- [cheerful voice]
All right, buddy.

Time to scoot.
- Bye, my old friend.

- Bye-bye, Pewds. Don't die.

- I'll see you
on the other side.

Okay.

Oh, what the f*ck?

No, f*ck you.

In order to find yourself,

you have to face your fears.

Oh, hell no.

You must move past
the untrusted statues,

if you want to escape.

This is f*cked.

This is well f*cked.

Oh. This is great.

Oh, no!

Oh, sh*t! f*ck!

f*cking S.

This is f*cked.

Stop mind-f*cking me.

[gasps]
No.

♪ ♪

[children giggling]

[sighs]
Little dolls.

I f*cking hate little dolls.

Don't become one of the dollies
in the dollhouse.

I just need to find myself.

Excuse me, lady.

Hello?

Sorry to wake you up.

Oh, no.

What the f*ck?

I found myself.

Are you f*cking kidding me?
[laughs]

It is, like, % accurate me.

We have the same dress.

The same--
what?

What the f*ck is this?

Hi?

[laughs]

[laughs]

[laughs]

This is the best.

[laughs]

What do I do?

Come closer, Felix.

It's me.

Is there something there?

- [deep voice booms]

- Ahh!
- Oh, sh*t!

What the f*ck?
[laughs]

- [deep voice] It's been me
this whole time, Felix.

- This is f*cked.

- I'm going to keep you here
forever, sugar tits.

I'm sending my dark servants

to make sure you never...

- Oh, sh*t.

I'm PewDiePie.

I don't f*cking know.

I--um--

- No!
- Ahh!

What the f*ck?

[laughter]

Who licked?
Who was licking all the time?

- [laughs]
- Was that you?

- We were making weird--
- I had no idea!

- Licking--you were licking?

- I was licking
through the hole.

- What the f*ck?
You were, like, licking.

- I was just making
weird noises.

- Yes!
- You didn't recognize--

- Yes.
- Ahh.

- You didn't recognize
our beautiful voices.

- You didn't recognize
his tongue?

- No!

Honestly, I had no idea.

I'm so glad it's you guys.
- Yeah.

In this situation,
where you're wearing a dress.

- Dude, this is--
[whip cracks]

Oh, God. No.

Not her.
Oh.

- What's your real safe word,
Felix?

- Bananas?
- No.

Real safe word.
- Please!

I don't know!
- Safe word!

- I don't know it!

- Tell me your real safe word
right now!

- This has gone too far.
Bananas.

- Don't play the f*cking piano!

Give me your safe word!

- This is too far, like,
this is legit safe word-thy.

- This is not over.

You will be seeing me again.

- This show is not--

What are we doing, guys?

Is it over?
- Did he do it?

- Please tell me it's--

[cheers and applause]

This was the last game!

Oh.

- Good job.
- I'm so glad that sh*t's over.

♪ ♪

I don't know what the f*ck
to call this.

This was the weirdest one
by far.

I just can't believe
I didn't recognize you guys.

- Uh, was it a relief
when you saw them?

What was going through
your mind?

- Yes!
I'm like, "All right,

well, they'll help me
with whatever,"

but no, you just stood there.

- We just stood there
and laughed.

- We--it was funny.

- You know about the girl?

You told me about, like,
weird sex, like, bondage,

or whatever.

She was naked almost.

And had a whip.

Today was definitely
safe word-thy.

Like, before, maybe I didn't
really need it.

Today, I was like,
"What the f*ck?"

She spanked me,
like, times.

- How are you feeling?

- Well, I liked it.

I'm j--
[laughter]

- So explain to them
what you've done

the last three weeks.

What has happened to you?

- I got to find keys
through a bunch of maggots.

This is so f*cking gross.

That smell like sh*t.

[gags]

- Alive?
- Yes, they were.

And they liked to bite you
as well.

It was very good.
- Lovely.

- I'm a fast runner
when I'm being chased,

I learned that.

Okay, f*ck this.
f*ck this.

f*ck this.

[laughter]

During the m*llitary thing,

I got to run through,
like, w*r.

Wah!
[explosions booming]

Ahh!

I've seen some sh*t, guys.

You can tell.

- Well, you're done.

- Oh, yes!

[cheers and applause]

Yes!
- You did it.

- I want to thank Timmy.

Timmy was the baby doll
that's been through me

through the whole thing.

He d*ed twice in the show.

[somber music]

♪ ♪

Tim.

Okay!

Well, I did it!

I conquered these three weeks
like a boss.

I was never scared

for even a second.

[screaming]

All right, this sucks.

[screaming]

No, no, no!

[screaming]

What the sh*t?

[screaming]

I'm just so glad it's over.

[laughter]

And as always, bros,

stay awesome.

I feel like I got to go in
for this one.

[mimics expl*si*n]

[dark music]

Can we get the party started?

Nicky's here!

- Get the f*ck off the stage!

[g*nshots]
- What the f*ck?

Seeing myself in the mirror--

that was f*cking weird.

- That guy looked
so much like you.

- When we first came in, like,

we literally thought it was you,
and I was like...

sh*t!
- Too bad he d*ed, though.

I wanted to meet him.

- Hey!
- I'm PewDiePie!

- It's PewDiePie!

- You are a beautiful man.

Yes.