03x09 - The Tale of the Curious Camera

[bunniefuu]

[Child giggling]

How embarrassing.

What a geek!

I'd burn that
if I were you.

Yours isn't
any better.

Gary, is that you?

You look
exactly the same.

Gee. Thanks.

Look at Sam
in kindergarten!

What a dork!

And just so you guys
don't think

I'm getting away
with anything...

This is me
in first grade.

[Everyone laughs]

Cute.

Why do we have to bring
these things, anyway?

Because photos
tell the future.

They do?

Sure. Look at
Gary's picture.

You can already tell he's
going to be very serious.

And look at
Kiki's smile!

You know she's
gonna be trouble.

You got that right.

What does that dumb
look on frank's face mean?

don't push me,
little skid mark.

Seriously, you can learn all
sorts of stuff from pictures.

The question is,
do you really want to know

what the future
has in store,

or is it better off
being a surprise?

You might say
you want to know,

but what
if you discovered

that the future held
something incredibly evil

and there was nothing
you could do to change it?

Submitted for the approval
of the Midnight Society,

I call this story...

Smile. Good.

[Click]

Next!

Some kids are born to lead,
others to follow.

And some kids,
like Matt dorney,

are just born victims.

Yo, Matt!
You read this book?

Um, no.

Oh. Well, are you sure
you haven't read it?

Here. Look closer.

Ha ha ha ha!

Guess I was wrong.
The book read you.

Oh, no! Leave it!
It looks good.

I said leave it.

[Man] Next!

Woo.

It's ketchup.

Smile for the birdie!

[Man] Smile.

Good.

[Man] OK, superstars.
Listen up!

Got your
pretty pictures.

Good practice
today, guys.

don't forget, we play
eastern Friday night.

Bus leaves :
with or without you.

Here you go, Dorney.

Jason.
Good practice, guys.

Lots of hustle
out there.

Hello? Anyone home?

Hey, don't bother
wiping your feet.

It's a mess
in here already.

Want some tea?

No, thanks. I...

I came about my pictures.

Yeah.

You were at my school
last week?

The basketball team?

Oh, yeah.
You're the ketchup kid.

What is it?

Hey, you want
some more prints?

Not exactly.

You know, I used to be a
pretty decent photographer.

"Always reveal the inner
man." That was my motto.

What's your
motto now?

"Take cash,
'cause checks bounce."

Whoa. What is this?

It's my picture.
Must be some mistake.

No mistake. This is
your portrait, all right.

But...

Tell me if I'm wrong.

No one notices you,
right?

You let people
walk all over you?

You don't take action?

In other words...

You are invisible.

Get it?

Camera never lies.

Look, my mom paid
for real pictures!

She'd k*ll me
if I gave her that.

Too bad. It's a
striking resemblance.

Can you just take
another one?

Sorry. No can do.

per customer, and
I don't give refunds.

Great.

But...

Maybe I can give you
something to make up for it.

Like what?

Maybe... a camera?

You just have
an extra one lying around?

As a matter of fact,
I do.

There's this camera
I think might be

just the thing
for a kid like you.

Really?

Mm-hmm.

You keep it
in a safe?

Oh, absolutely.

It's one-of-a-kind.

One of the first
instant picture cameras,

a prototype
from the s.

Here you go.

All yours.

The thing
really works?

Oh, it really works.

I can really have it?

Only if you
really want it.

I want it!
Awesome. Thanks.

Hey--listen, kid.

You be careful with that.

Sometimes it kind of...

I'll be careful,
I swear.

Yeah.

Oh, and kid?

I think it still got
some film in it.

[Click]

Oh. Film must be old.

Hey! Take my picture.

Forget it. It might
cr*ck the lens.

Ha ha.

What is this?

[Crash]

Hmm...I didn't do it.

The wind just blew it over.

Mom's not going
to like this.

[Click]

[Click]

Awesome.

[Click]

Aw, man.

Hey, Dorney.
Yeah, we lost our puck.

You don't mind
if we... thanks!

It doesn't slide right.

Try this!

There we go.

Hey, Coback!

You know, you're
a total butt head.

What'd you say?

I heard you got the wrong
end of a brain transplant.

Any truth to that?

Why, you stinking little--

[click]

[Coach] Let's go,
gentlemen.

We don't have all day.
Move it!

I'll cr*pple you later,
you little dweeb.

[Grunt]

Aaaaaggggghhhh!

Guys! Get it off!

What happened?

[Coach] Don't touch it.

Go to the office
and call an ambulance.

Jody Chung.

Yep.

Lisa Elliot?

Eh, maybe.

Jim Stepinaro.

Yep.

Ben Claudsen?

Nah, he's a maybe.

Tony Cryger.
That's a definitely.

Matt, did you
take my markers?

Uh, yeah.

I'm figuring out
who in my class

deserves to have
their picture taken.

Run that by me again?

Can you promise
to keep a secret?

Hmm... OK.

This is really
going to sound weird,

but you know that guy who took
the basketball pictures last week?

Yeah.

Well, he gave me this.

It's like some kind
of magic camera.

Whenever I take a picture,

something bad happens
to the thing I sh**t.

Hmm. Warm.

OK, have you totally
lost your mind,

or is this some
kind of sick joke?

No, I swear
it's the truth. Watch.

You see that over there?
Watch.

Just hold on. Wait.

That's...
Really great.

It's gotta be jammed,
or something.

That's really great.

I'm going back
to Planet Earth, OK?

Amy, just wait.

Amy, wait!

[Click]

Stop it.
I don't believe you.

Watch out!

Amy: I still can't
believe it.

I mean, I could have
been k*lled.

What are you doing?

There's something
on this one.

Let me see it.

Amy, this isn't
on the picture.

It's in the picture.

What?

It's weird.

It's on all of them.

It almost looks like...

What?

What do you see?

I think we got company.

[Music playing]

Mr. Calhoun?

It's me, Matt Dorney.
I wanna--

[music playing]

Heh heh heh.

Excuse me, I'm looking for
somebody who used to work--

no, no, no. I'm in
Milano on Friday,

every other weekend.

Then, in New York
for my gallery opening.

I'll call you from
the plane, I promise.

Ciao, Bella.

Mr. Calhoun?

Se moi.

Oh. It's you.

Look, I'm really
late for a sh**t.

Mr. Calhoun,
I've gotta talk to you.

Sorry, gotta fly.

Mr. Calhoun,
the camera--

Look, kid. I had
that camera for years

and for years it gave me
nothing but bad luck.

I give it to you,
and voila!

Bad luck gone! The phone's
ringing off the hook.

Hallelujah!
My life's just begun!

Mr. Calhoun,
i don't understand--

look, kid, I used to be
just like you--

afraid of life,
afraid of everything.

When that camera
came into my life,

I thought all
my troubles were over.

[Sighs]

That camera meant power,

except the only power
it had was over me.

It destroys
everything it sh**t.

don't let it
destroy you!

Mr. Calhoun,
what is it?

You saw the pictures.
Have you seen the Gremlin yet?

Gremlin? The little thing
in all the pictures?

Yeah.
That little "thing."

Near as I can figure, it's all
that little monster's fault.

What it is, I don't know.
Hey! I don't care, anyway.

Mr. Calhoun,
I don't want it!

You've gotta
take it back.

Sorry, I couldn't take
it back if I wanted to.

You can't
give it away.

I tried , times.

You gave it to me.

Uh-uh-uh, no.
I handed it to you.

That camera chose you,
just like it chose me.

Maybe someday you can
get rid of it, too.

Until then,
I feel sorry for you.

[Sighs]

Misty, darling?

Andiamo.

[Click]

Hey! Aren't you supposed to say
"cheese" when you aim that thing?

Where are you going?

The movies,
and we're late.

You can't--
I mean, don't go.

We haven't
been out in weeks.

It's only a movie.

Besides, you wouldn't
be interested.

It's got dialogue.

Yeah, but... you might
have an accident!

Don't be silly.

You can't go.
Don't go, please!

What's gotten
into you?

I can't explain,
but don't go.

Listen, we'll talk
about it when we get back.

Gotta go. Bye.

Why didn't you
give it back?

He wouldn't take it.

Amy, I just took
a picture of Mom and Dad.

What?

Don't look at it.

If we don't look at it,
maybe it won't happen.

We have to!

Noooo!

We've gotta call
the police.

And tell them what?

I don't know!
We've gotta do something!

Where are you going?

That should do it.

I know, but what if
the camera's already--

[car radio playing]

[Changes station]

[Changes to
another station]

No way.

I'm gonna smash
that camera to bits!

Forget it!
It won't work.

We've gotta do something.

Matt, it's gonna get
Mom and Dad.

Matt, what are
we going to do?

I got an idea.

Matt, what are
you doing?

Matt?

I don't know
if this is gonna work,

but it's worth a try.
Get down.

OK. Let's see what
this thing does to itself.

Ready?

...

...

[Changes station]

And !

Aaaaarrrrggghhh!

Did it work?

Yes.

[Telephone rings]

Hello?

Hi, Matt? It's Dad.

Your mom and I are on
the side of the road.

What happened?
You guys all right?

No, no, no.
We're OK. We're fine.

Some fool truck nearly
ran us off the road,

and we missed
the movies.

We'll be home soon, OK?

OK! Bye!

They're OK.
They're on their way home.

Man, I thought
they were goners.

Yes!
What's the matter?

What's up?

I don't think that...

Get down!

What's going on?

The Gremlin!
He's in the camcorder!

Don't let it sh**t you!

Help me, Matt!

Is it safe?

I...I think so.

Get down!

Smile for the birdie!

Aaaahhhh!

Calhoun was right
about the camera.

It destroys
everything it sh**t.

[Car horn honks]

Mom and Dad.

Now we have to figure out
how to tell Mom and Dad.

Oh, boy.

Cool.

So, can I have
my picture back?

Sure. But first, I want
to get a group sh*t.

Aaahhh!

It's only a prop
from Dad's store.

What are they scared of?

Gee. I don't know.

[Click]