01x07 - Ol' Drippy

[bunniefuu]

Gentlemen--

You know, you can call me 'Steve'.

I mean, there's no one else here.

Heh heh. Right?

My mind!

What the hell is this?

Hey, you want a dog?

Here, I'll Pierce one for you.

The dog meat is perfectly soft.

No, I don't want a dog!

I want a dog. Can I have a dog?

There!

You still want one?

I sure do. Pick one out for me.

Hey!

Now no one's going to want one.

You know, that was the last dish?

Hey, that's my satellite dish!

Get in here and look at this!

You ever hear of a damn refrigerator

or a freaking trash can?!

No.

You got raw chickens

in here on the floor!

A dog wouldn't even take a crap in here!

Look, just take the hose...

Oh, no. No, no.

And lightly spray everything out the back door.

No, no, no.

My ass, you will!

Drape a tarp over it.

Oh, no, you're not!

You're going to go to the damn store

and get some cleaning supplies!

What's going on?

Look at this mess! Did you do this?

Fine! All right!

I'll do it, but it's my decision to do this!

I declare it!

Yo, man,

I think that mold is a-movin'.

And if it moves one more time,

I'm getting my gat.

What do you want, Frylock-- pine or lemon fresh?

Does it come in chocolate?

I don't know. Why don't you spray it

right in your eyes and find out?

Yeah, I'll do that.

Why don't you come on down here and say that

to my face, big boy?

Look, look.

Air freshener is not going to clean this--

wait--wait a second. Is this cheese?!

How are you going to clean the kitchen

with cheese, Shake?!

We don't.

Look, that room is dead to me now,

but we make the living room

the new kitchen, huh?

Now, I know

what some of you may be thinking.

"Shake, where's the stove?"

Here it is!

Shake, take a look at this mold.

My god! It's breathing!

Hey, Shake, look at this.

Aah!

What was that?

Oh, that was me.

Wow, that sure was a mighty expl*si*n, huh?

Is anyone hurt?

Can I get someone a soft drink?

Amazing! Yeah!

They must have been

some magic hot dogs or something.

You want to play with my dolls?

Yes. I would like nothing better.

This is Vanessa.

Now, I know she looks like an apple,

but she's actually a full-grown woman.

And she fell in love

with her boyfriend Dewey here,

and they go off into outer space

and then they... They get married.

Wow!

They're super-cute.

I wish I had a name.

Well, I'll give you a name.

How 'bout ol' drippy,

since you're dripping on all my stuff?

Oh, thank you. Thank you so much. I--

seriously, drippy, stop dripping.

Dewey's getting all soggy.

Oops. Sorry, Dewey.

Meatwad, do you have any real dolls?

Well, real dolls cost money,

and I'd just rather use

the unlimited power of my imagination,

'cause I ain't got no damn money.

Then I'm going to go out

and get you the best doll ever.

Now where do I go to get a doll?

Hot diggety doll. They have all the dolls.

It's just up the street.

Oh, the horny broad from the beach.

You are a naughty girl.

What are you doing, coming by my bedroom?

I thought you had a photo sh**t.

Well, let me just slip on my swim trunks,

unless you don't want me to wear them.

That's a possibility, huh? Huh? Heh heh heh!

Baby?

Did you pass out or something?

Where's my beer promo?

Where's Meatwad?

What are you doing with that gutter?

What are you doing with that beard, huh?

Answer that, scientist! Meatwad!

Uh-oh! Where are you?!

Not in my room! A-ha!

My telescope! You've ruined it!

How will I ever see the stars again?

This ain't no telescope.

It's Dewey, and he's an engineer

and he works on the supertrain.

He does what?!

You got mental problems!

No, don't! Jeez!

Taste the chrome!

What's it taste like?

Your mother's--aah! Monster!

Ohh!

Well, Meatwad, look at this doll.

All right! A drunk girl.

This is the best doll ever.

Burn the house down!

There's a monster in Meatwad's room!

That monster, as you put it,

is a miracle of modern science

that arose out of your mess,

which I see is still here, Shake!

Then...thank god

that I made all this possible, huh?

Right?

Look, you know who's the leader!

Oh! I know!

And don't ever yell at me like that again!

'Cause if you do, you are demoted!

Oh, hey, Carl.

Shut up.

Wait. Where are you going with those dishes?

Nothing.

Hey, Carl, what's happening?

Yeah, right.

Did you see a woman in a bikini

with a six-pack of beer

and a surfboard come in here?

Was it cardboard,

used to be up at the liquor store?

Uh...no.

Well. Ok, Carl.

She's back in Meatwad's room.

Dewey, do you take

this headless supermodel with the six-pack

to be your lawfully wedded wife,

so that you guys can work on the railroad together

and build supertrain

and drive them to Jupiter with Batman?

Say, "I do."

I do. Whoopee!

You two-timin' bitch!

Carl, please, this is a private ceremony.

You get your gross, moist things off her!

That's my fantasy girl!

Was this yours?

I am so sorry. Oh, my gosh.

Ohhh!

She smells like dead mushrooms and cheeseburger meat!

And who are you?

I'm the guy

that's going to rake your lawn

for being such a big jerk.

Idle hands spend time at the genitals,

and you know how much god hates that.

The yard looks nice, Carl.

Yeah, well,

drippy here does some good work.

Yeah, you stay on your side of the lawn there,

by the way.

Carl, is that a leaf in your gutter?

When's the last time you cleaned up there?

Yeah, Carl, when's the last time?

Look, if I wanted a wife

to nag my head off, drippy,

I'd order one from Russia.

Why do that?

You've got a beautiful lady right by your side.

Yeah, Carl, and when you find a good one,

let me tell you, you need to hold on

as tight as you can.

You're a lucky man, Carl.

You know what? Why don't both of youse

just get the hell out of here right now?

Great idea.

I'll go get us some lattes. Who wants a latte?

Yeah! Get me one!

What are they?

One for you...

Oh, thank you.

One for you...

Yeah, just pour it on my head.

And one for me.

Where's mine? Is this one mine?

Uh-oh. Gee, I didn't realize you were here and--

well, I am here. I'm here now.

Go get me one. Just give me yours.

Shake, that's rude.

He's rude!

He's the one that bought the lattes, and that's rude!

Introducing him to this environment--

you know how dangerous that is?

It's called a gesture of kindness, Shake.

Maybe you ought to try it sometime.

Well, maybe you ought to move

right out of here right now,

if you know what's good for you!

Here, take mine. I'll do without.

Oops. Oh, I'm sorry!

I'm sorry I slapped that right out of your hand!

I don't know what came over me!

Jeez! Is that polite enough for you, Frylock?

I'm apologizing

to your best friend in the whole universe!

That was my fault, probably.

I'll just go get a rag.

Yeah!

Goget a rag,

so I can slap that right out of your hand!

Shake, what is wrong with you?

What's wrong with you?!

Hey, why don't you go kiss your new best friend?

You love him so damn much!

I'm the one that cleaned the kitchen!

I'm the authority!

Someone want to tell me why my pool is full

of hot dog chunks and dirty dishes?

Oh, Carl, you didn't mess with it, did you?

'Cause it's got to set up

for a couple days with the battery.

The battery?

Yeah, you know, the one from your car?

I dumped some shampoo in there, too,

but it's dog shampoo, so I don't know

if it's going to work,

but we're praying like hell that it does.

No, no, no.

I understand, I understand.

I'm just going to go. I'll be back in a few.

You, uh, you think

that the g*n store is still open?

Carl, please, I'll take care of the mess.

He means well. He's just a little...

Well, I'd better not say.

What? I'm a little what?

Thank you, drippy.

You are very well-mannered

and very nice,

and you ought to take lessons from him!

That's right.

Yeah, Shake, that's right.

Very good!

Thank you, friends!

As of right now, I am now moving out,

right this instant!

Well, go on, then.

Yeah, get out of here.

Well, hold on. I mean...

I need to get my suitcases, and they don't exist yet--

here, I've packed all your things.

Now you get out of here.

This is a bag full of sand!

That's what you eat.

And I'm moving this TV back to my room, too.

I paid for it.

Whoa.

Do not touch that television

until I get over there.

Oh, yeah, he's nice now,

but don't come looking for me

when he's burying your bodies out in the desert.

Well, get out of here! What are you waiting on?

I'm going to chase you out of here!

That's good. Ok. That's all right.

It looks good. Hey!

Who says I couldn't do this, huh? Aah!

Let me in!

Will you let me in, damn it?

I mean, guys. Hey, hey.

Somebody want to let me in, please?

Well, Shake,

I thought you moved.

What?

I never said that. Who said that?

Oh, my, you're burning up.

Yes, I'm very sick.

Frylock, he needs medical help.

He needs an ass-whupping is what he needs.

There's no time.

Here, Shake, eat my head.

Here, kiss my ass! Forget about it!

I'm serious. Coat me with ranch.

Chase me with cheese if you must.

I don't care. It's the only way.

Drippy, don't. What are you doing?

Don't do that. That's going to hurt you.

I'm saving his life. I'm half penicillin.

Well, I have some penicillin in my lab,

if that's what this is all about.

Oh, really? Well, then,

just give him some of that, man.

No, wait, now. Hold on a minute.

I...i kind of like the taste of your head.

I mean, you said it was the only way, right?

Where are you going, drippy?

I--i love you.

I'm going away for a while, Meatwad,

and I may never come back,

but I'll always be right here, inside.

Yeah, in my stomach, baby.

Close your eyes, Meatwad.

Aah!

Leave your eyes open, Meatwad.

I want to horrify you into a coma.

For days-- I mean, for days--

Shake done ate ol' drippy.

That ain't no way to treat your homeys, man.

You cold-blooded, Shake.

At this point, I got to tell you,

you're better without the ranch.

I mean, you're good.

Thank you.

How are you feeling?

Great!

I'm going to go outside and run amok

and--hey, you want to join me?

I'd love to,

but I simply don't have the strength.

Ah, suit yourself.

But seriously,

you stay off of my chair.

Ooh!

Is that--ooh, it is!

A free flyer! Whoa!

Shake! No!

Hey!

Look at this!

wings for $ . !

Free delivery!

Uh!

Nooo!

That's awesome!

Who's hungry? Drippy! No!

You hungry?

Look...

He pushed me.

He pushed you out of the way of that truck!

Listen, he's in a better place.

He's in the grille of the truck!

He was my best friend.

Yeah? Well, then you should know something.

When he was pushing me,

he mentioned something about not liking you.

Oh, man.

I clearly heard that.

Did he, really?

That stuck out.

Well,

I guess I'll have one of those wings, then.

Give me one. Here, fetch.

Where's the meat?

This is a bone.

Go make a doll out of that!