03x07 - Upload Day

[bunniefuu]

♪ ♪

Is it... a little...

sparse?

Yeah, yeah. I'll keep building it out.

But, uh, it's a lot for
me to code all by myself.

Once we upload me,

I'll have all the time
in the world though, so...

I guess so.

Also, um, I may have spent

a little too much time on the recliner,

but it's gonna be my command center,

so this baby had to be perfect.

It heats, cools, massages

and, uh, well, reclines, obviously.

Oh, does it dispense
lotion and tissues, too?

Why would...

- Very funny.
- [CHUCKLES]

I'm not gonna be doing that here, okay?

A lot. I'm gonna be...

Like, I'll do it a normal amount, okay?

Not a weird amount.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Come here.

This is just temporary, okay?

You're gonna win your case.

One day, we'll have free
upload for everybody.

I know.

I just wish we had more time.

Me, too.

What'd you add?

Uh, a couple more
batteries and solar panels.

Worst case, I have a friend

leave us in some canyon in Arizona.

It'd last years.

No maintenance.

That's so sweet.

But I'm going to
misplace that way before

- it's time for me to upload.
- Yeah.

I'll be in the junk drawer
next to the batteries.

Okay.

Should we do this?

I guess so.

[NORA] Tomorrow will be one month.

[NATHAN] Mm-hmm. Makes sense.

How do you want to spend your
last minutes in a body?

♪ ♪

[SIGHS]

Excuse me? No cuddle?

Oh, I just want to make
sure your avatar is perfect.

You know? There were some
things I missed last time.

Like what?

Like...

... that little curve in your neck.

- This one?
- Mm-hmm.

And your smell.

- You creep.
- [BOTH LAUGH]

Well, at least I get to go back
to ten percent body fat again.

Oh, no, no.

I-I like you this way.

- More to love.
- Don't even think about it.

- Okay, Nora?
- [LAUGHS]

I am dead-ass serious.

- Ten or less.
- [CHUCKLES]

What if we push my upload a little?

Nathan.

I feel great, okay?

What's one more day?

Okay, if something
happens to you tomorrow,

I would never forgive myself.

Nothing's gonna happen to me.

Mm.

- Sure.
- Yes!

- Okay.
- Ooh.

I mean, you know, why shouldn't you have

a real send-off day like everybody else?

Yeah, I didn't have one
the first time around.

- Fun.
- Hmm.

All right, we'll do all
your favorite things.

Oh.

Oh, it's just past midnight.

Happy upload day.

[BOTH MOANING]

[CHUCKLING]

[MUSIC PLAYING QUIETLY]

You and Norma spent quite
a lot of time together

in the memory parlor the other day.

[GRUNTS SOFTLY]

Must have been hard for
you to stay faithful.

You know, the two of
you in that small space.

And she's so pretty.

Eh.

[MUSIC STOPS]

- Brownie?
- Yes?

I promise I am not going to be mad.

I just need to know the truth.

Did anything happen?

Ingrid, I promise.

Nothing happened.

Okay.

- Okay.
- Okay.

Okay.

Flesh Nathan and I almost kissed.

[EXHALES] Ooh.

Feels so good to have that off my chest.

Honesty is the best policy.

Well, if we're being totally honest,

the same thing happened
with Nora and me, too.

We almost kissed, but I
decided I want to be with you.

I'm glad we can be so mature about this.

You piece of sh*t!

- What?
- Oh, my God!

You just admitted the same thing.

It is different! He is you!

Nothing happened!

Oh, but it almost
did. You said "almost."

- Almost, and then I chose you!
- But if...

[EXHALES]

- You know what?
- What?

You're right.

I'm not gonna say
anything else about it.

I'm good.

You say you're good,
but you're not blinking.

I'm so good.

You don't seem very good.

[SIGHS] Oh, sh*t.

[WHISPERS] Angel.

- Whoa! [CLEARS THROAT]
- Calm down.

Do you still have Norma's avatar

that you used for our dinner party?

Y-Yes. Why?

Okay, get it ready for me.

I'm going in.

[LAUGHS]

♪ ♪

And when we're together, it is great.

She's sweet, she pays for everything,

and she just gets me.

But then on the other hand,
she is into some sketchy sh*t.

And when I say sketchy, I mean sketchy.

Sketch. E.

Sounds pretty sketchy.

Well, why don't I meet Karina?
I'm a great judge of character.

Didn't you get catfished by a t*rror1st?

One time!

She was a colonel in
the Revolutionary Guard,

and she was beautiful.

Well, he.

Turned out not as
attractive as in the photo.

But I guess that doesn't matter.

Part of me will always love him.

I don't know.

I don't want her to meet
any more of my friends.

It gets weird.

That is the first time

that you have admitted that
we're friends, you know?

Progress.

Hey. Ivan.

Am I interrupting?

Hmm? No, no, it's, uh...

it's just the warm-up.

Real show doesn't start till everyone's

- nice and limber.
- Gross.

Uh, hey, I just wanted
to say thank you, okay?

You really came through with
the Choak drive. The stuff...

Oh, man, geez, keep it down.

If anyone finds out that
I took Choak, I'm toast.

Okay, fine. I'm sorry.

I'll leave you to your, uh...

Bird watching.

- [GROANS]
- [LAUGHS]

Hey, if you...

- [NEARBY BANGING]
- [GRUNTS]

- Hey, bud?
- Ah.

Hey. [CHUCKLES]

- Did you hear any of that?
- Uh-huh.

[IVAN] If anyone finds out
that I took Choak, I'm toast.

Oh, okay, okay, I-I
need you to delete that

right now, please.

I can't. It goes against
my programming. Sorry.

How about we keep it a secret, huh?

Don't tell anyone, okay?

- Why would I do that?
- Because.

Because... of the most important
human programming of all.

The Golden Rule.

"Treat others as you
want to be treated."

If you had a secret,

you wouldn't want me
to tell anyone, right?

That's an elegant piece of code, sir.

I will keep your secret.

Oh, thank you.

But I have

this sudden desire to
tell someone though.

- Why do you think that is?
- Just don't!

- Understood.
- Okay.

That makes me want to
say it even more though.

So weird.

♪ ♪

[GASPS] Item .

Blue Man Group? You know what?

I also think NSYNC would
be cooler, but... [SIGHS]

who has $ , ?

♪ Baby... ♪

Wait, so they're clowns?

Oh, sorry, mimes. Excuse me.

Oh, that sounds hilarious.
Can I get two of them?

Oh.

[SIGHS]

Okay, well, um...

Hmm.

Oh, what about "Blue Dude Solo,

not affiliated with Blue Man Group"?

Okay.

How long of a weird dance,
and will he meet us at a park?

♪ All you get is a mouthful... ♪

Book him. [CHUCKLES]

♪ Okay ♪

[SIGHS]

[♪ PAPER KITES: "Bloom"]

♪ Shall I write it in a letter... ♪

Hey!

Oh.

Big day planned.

Breakfast in bed,

- unprinted, of course.
- [CHUCKLES]

Then you'll put your rowboat pants on.

We're renting rowboats and we're
gonna row the sh*t out of them.

[GROANS] I left my rowboat pants in L.A.

What's this place's policy
on bottomless male nudity?

- [BEEPING]
- Okay, one... one sec.

Hey, I know it's your day off,

but I need you here ASAP.

Why? What's going on?

Clients with cold feet.

I need you to do your whole
sympathetic shoulder routine.

I mean, I'm pretty busy today.

- Psst. Psst.
- I wouldn't ask if it wasn't important.

[WHISPERS] It's fine.

[GROANS] All right.

I'm on my way.

But we can't stay long, okay?

Big, hilarious day planned.

With no pants.

- Ready?
- Yep.

[SIGHS]

Well?

How do I look?

[TINSLEY] Pretty.

Basic.

Pretty basic. [LAUGHS]

Hey, handsome.

Wow. That's quite the walk.

You look like Mildred on the
prowl for a new tennis coach.

Oh, uh, I slept weird last night.

So...

what are you up to right now?

Just going to chill in the lounge.

Okay.

Why don't we spend some time together?

Just all-access pass.

We don't even have to kiss.

No. No.

We talked about this, okay?

I know there's a spark
between us, but...

I love Ingrid.

You're just friends with this Nathan.

Aw, so cute. He loves you.

All I heard is there's
a spark between them.

Time to put it out.

♪ ♪

It's my upload day.

Oh.

Then what are you doing here?

Well, we got a big day planned.

We're going to...

going to Golden Gate Park later, so...

[QUIETLY] Oh.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Could you come in here for a second?

- Oh, uh...
- It's a little bit of

a thing happening, um...

Uh-oh. Looks like something came up.

What's going on?

Bad news.

All the evidence we got
from Choak is inadmissible.

What? Why?

Uploads are the intellectual property

of the upload companies,

so the information we got
from Choak is stolen property.

Fruit from a poison tree.

Okay, well, what if I testify?

Same problem.

You signed away the rights to
your brain scan at the hospital.

So even though you downloaded,

Horizen owns what's in your head.

God, Ingrid owns this body.

Horizen owns my thoughts.

But my heart, that belongs to you.

- Nice.
- [BOTH LAUGH]

Well, keep that energy,

- 'cause I thought after the park, we could...
- Oh.

Hey, can I just steal her
for a few more minutes?

- We'll buy you lunch.
- Ooh.

- Thank you.
- Oh, no, no, come on. I've already given more...

It's fine, it's fine, it's fine.
Rowboats are there till : .

- Really?
- Yeah.

I mean, I guess we
have to eat either way.

- All right, I'll be right back.
- Go get 'em.

Okay.

[HOLDEN] So there's
just a few more things

- we need to kind of talk about.
- Yeah.

[JINGLE PLAYING]

Your order, please?

Um, I will have a marshmallow
sandwich on white, please.

Hmm, Americans can't handle spicy.

f*ck it. It's my last day.

I'll take the Godmother, the works.

Extra hot peppers.

Back in a flash with your order.

[JINGLE PLAYING]

[DOORBELL RINGING]

[ALEESHA] Mr. Choak?

Mr. Choak?

We're here to perform a wellness check.

Where the f*ck is that old sack of code?

What's the weather like in New York?

'Cause it's raining where I am.

- Which is where?
- Toronto.

- [CHUCKLES]
- Mm.

Yeah, I think I'm gonna
go to the art museum today.

- It's f*cking cold here.
- [LUKE LAUGHING]

You must be Choak's Preferas

because you're far too
foxy to be business ladies.

Okay, I hated all of that.

Luke Crossley, veteran, free spirit,

and most importantly Aleesha's
most trusted confidante.

You must be Karina.

I have heard a ton about you.

No, he hasn't.

It is so nice to meet
one of Al's friends.

"Al."

Nice. That's sticking.

Hey, Al, weren't you saying
the three of us should grab

a drink later and get
to know each other?

- No.
- That would be so fun.

I'll clear my schedule.

I am going to k*ll you.

I'm already dead, Al.

[GRUNTING] Whew.

Man, it feels good to sit.

Even if it's in VR.

You know, I'm at a
standing desk right now,

'cause I've got a wicked
hemorrhoid flare-up.

- What?
- Yeah.

I tried to hit it with
some numbing cream,

but it took a whole tube and...

No relief.

- Yikes.
- Yeah.

I get 'em all the time.

[EXHALES] Hey.

I thought of a great nickname for you.

Sylvester Cuh-lone.

[LAUGHS] It's good, right?

Because you're a copy
and not a real person?

Oh, that's... mm.

- Mm-hmm.
- That's why.

Aw, babe.

You don't like it?

Hmm.

No, babe.

You know, you are acting
very strange today, Norma.

No, no, this is just really how I am.

- You love Ingrid.
- Mm-hmm.

And now I don't need to pretend anymore.

Oh, got to take these smelly dogs

out for a walk...

... sometimes, right, Sylvester?

Hmm, right you are, Norma.

Mm.

[SIGHS] We should be ourselves.

Mm.

Ingrid insists I keep
my shoes and socks on

at all times.

[CHUCKLES]

She just hates my feet.

Says I look like a hobbit.

- Can't imagine...
- ... why.

Oh, here you are.

What are you doing out of uniform?

I told you when you went remote,

you have to sign in or we
can't assign you tickets.

I think he's talking to you.

Yeah.

Oh. [CHUCKLES] Sorry.

Uh, I'll do that next time.

Just come on. We have work to do.

Hello?

Yep.

I am coming.

[SIGHS]

What happened to "please"?

Good luck.

[CHUCKLES]

I'm so sorry.

All right, off to the lake
for an awesome adventure.

- Here we go!
- [LAUGHS]

So, what's new upstairs?

Well, rumor has it, we
have a new star witness.

Really? Who?

No idea, it's all super hush-hush.

But they're coming in
later to get deposed

with a full security detail.

And then they'll get whisked away

to a supersecret site until the trial.

Damn, must be someone important.

Maybe there's a defector
on the upload council.

Yeah.

So, something else

kind of crazy happened today, too.

What?

Holden thinks that she can get the firm

to bring me on permanently,
and then, after a year,

they'll...

pay for me to go to law school at night.

What? That's incredible.

I know. I don't know, it
just feels kind of messed up

to be making plans
when you're gonna be...

waiting for me in your
digital masturbatorium.

Okay, well, we're definitely
not calling it that.

- I feel guilty.
- Don't. Don't, don't, don't.

Okay? I never, ever
want you to feel guilty

and I never want to be the reason

- that you're not moving forward.
- [PHONE BEEPING]

Pick it up.

Hey, Holden.

Hey, the partners want to see you.

Can you come back?

Yes, yes, she can. We'll be right there.

This is your future, okay?

The partners.

Let's go.

[NORA] Change of plan.

Come to plaza at Market Street.

Send.

- I'm not meeting with the partners, let's go!
- I know!

Okay, okay! [SQUEALS]

[BOTH LAUGHING]

So, this is the executive club level.

Yeah, I thought you'd
get a kick out of it.

You know,

it's really nice to meet you, Luke.

It's so cool how you and Aleesha were

angel and client, and
now you're friends.

What Aleesha and I have is very special.

Can you say the same?

This is...

nice.

A nice change behind the bar.

Yeah.

Bottle of HH Bespoke, Ms. Silva?

- Ugh.
- Oh, hang on.

What's your cheapest bottle of vodka?

That would be Calabasas
Class by Scott Disick.

A french fry base
with an oily mouthfeel.

Don't drink that.

This is on Horizen.
Order whatever you'd like.

I don't need your charity, thanks.

I'll take it.

[SNIFFS]

We're all good here, champ, thanks.

Watch and learn, ladies.

One, two, three.

[WHISTLES]

Ahoy-hoy.

Voilà!

[LAUGHS] That's the good stuff there.

Luke, now is not the time nor place

to be showing off your little hacks.

- That was awesome.
- [BOTH] Really?

Those engineers think they're
perfect, and you're in here

getting fat off those
smelly nerds' mistakes.

[CHUCKLES] I love it.

I mean, if you like that...

- Mm-hmm.
- ... he's got so much more.

He's, like, genetically disposed

to hacking sh*t. Right, Luke?

Cigars, booze, caviar,
whatever you need.

I've got a hack that lets me get
as many leather belts as I want.

I only need one, but, you know,
it's just, it's nice to have.

And how do you even find these bugs?

Well, it's not easy.

We're talking hundreds of man-hours.

The key is to do the unexpected.

Then you got to get the order right.

You know, do I squawk like a chicken

before or after I drink out of the sink?

So cool. So what's

your favorite hack of all time?

My free premium Lakeview.

I could've made stuff on my body bigger,

but that's cheating.

And I didn't need to.

Incredible.

[RAPID BEEPING]

How long is this gonna take?

Idiots.

[IT GUY] Got it.

- Oh.
- [WOMAN] Ridiculous.

For the amount we're
paying, it's outrageous.

You, take over.

Me? You...

You want me to go over
there and do the...

... typy-type?

Uh, yeah.

That's why we pay you.

[SIGHS]

Wonderful, I'm Humpty f*cking Dumpty.

What did you do?

I don't know.

You're so bad at your
job, it's unbelievable.

[GASPS]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

[CHUCKLES]

- Hey. Hey.
- Hey. Hey.

You didn't tell anyone
about our secret, did you?

No, of course not. What?
No, no, I would never.

I mean, except for the
other versions of myself.

They're great guys, though.
You can trust all of 'em.

Oh, my God.

The whole point of having a secret is

that you don't tell anybody.

Not even yourself.

Not myself? How does that
even... ? How would that work?

All right, I'll see you soon, buddy.

Secret?

- What secret?
- Oh, f*ck me!

For that function, you require
Choak's master passcode.

- ?
- No.

- ?
- No.

"Password," but the
"a" is the "at" sign?

- You have been locked out.
- [SIGHS]

It was worth a sh*t.

Well, we're almost near
the end of the list.

No idea why we had so
many requests today.

- We should have split up.
- It wouldn't be fair

to whoever got stuck with
her. She's dead weight.

[IT GUY] This is why I
didn't want to have a femoid

on my team. Women never
have to use their brains,

- so they shrink.
- [BOTH LAUGHING]

First of all, right here.

You can talk to me.

And, second, it's the s.

Aren't you embarrassed
to be sexist still?

It's not sexist if it's true.

Let me ask you something.

Are your parents still together?

- Yeah.
- You?

Divorced, but they're both in really

good relationships finally. My mom...

I don't care.

If I ever hear you
talking like that again...

I will f*ck your dad.

Or your mom, whichever
one's more into it.

I'll seduce them. I'll make sure they...

... fall in love with me.

I will get them to leave their partner,

and then I will dump them.

Leaving you to pick up the pieces.

And before you say, "Oh,
she couldn't do that,"

take a good look at me. I could,

I would and I will.

So this better be the end

of that misogynistic bullshit...

... or Mama's gonna
put on her f*ck-me heels

and go hunting.

Do you understand me, shrimp dicks?

- Yes. Sorry.
- Won't happen again.

Great, let's go...

... fix some bugs.

So?

So... what?

Oh!

Now you want to hear my opinion, because

this morning it didn't really seem...

- Luke?
- She rocks.

All right? Can't
believe I'm gonna say it.

She % rocks.

You were right, she gets it.

She's like us.

What are we like?

Pirates, survivors...

[STAMMERS] Sometimes we have
to color outside the lines

to get what we need, but that
doesn't make us bad people.

[SIGHS] Okay.

But the sketchy stuff...

Was really sketchy, yeah, but...

did you ask her about it?

Maybe she had a good reason.

Maybe.

My advice?

Stick it out and see where it goes.

And when she helps you
become a millionaire,

don't forget your little friend Luke.

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY] Thanks, Luke.

For real.

Thought you didn't like hugs.

It's okay, I'm wearing goggles.

I don't feel anything.

[SIGHING]

Al! Al!

I take it back!

Your girlfriend sucks!

She sucks.

[GROANS]

Aah...

Premium view upgrade glitch
is the last ticket from Karina.

See y'all back at the office.

Oh, and, um,

good job today, Nora.

Yeah, g-good job.

Aw.

Thank you so much.

Uh, hey.

Uh, I thought what you
did was really awesome.

- I don't know if you ever want to hang out sometime, but...
- [LAUGHS]

[LAUGHING] No.

No, not even for Nora.

- You rang?
- So...

some Prefera is running around,

saying that the AI guys

have a secret.

When I asked them what it was,

they said to get you.

Hmm, weird.

That's weird.

My immediate reaction upon

hearing that for the first time

is... weird.

Right.

Um, you know, maybe

you'd be more comfortable whispering

the secret to me.

- But you said not to...
- No... [STAMMERS] Yes.

Just, nothing to be shy about.

Just tell me what's going on.

[WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY]

Oh, yes.

[LAUGHS] Okay, great.

- All right, you feel better?
- I do.

- I'll take it from here.
- Okay.

So?

So, uh...

he said their secret...

was that they...

have a crush on their teacher.

[LAUGHS] Yeah.

They said they wanted to you.

Which I don't even know what
that is, but, uh, it sounds hot.

- [GROANS]
- Oh, okay.

But I mean... [LAUGHS]

- can you blame 'em?
- [BOTH LAUGHING]

Yes!

[EXHALES]

- [SINGSONGY] I'm home.
- Hey, babe.

Ooh! [CHUCKLES]

Hello.

Do anything fun today?

No. Just...

boring IRL stuff.

[GROANS]

I, um...

I saw Nora today.

Fun.

How's she doing?

I don't know, she was
acting kind of strange.

Very unappealing, actually.

Hmm.

Well...

I say...

give her a break.

You never really know what
people are going through, and...

... she might be having
a tough time at work.

Well, I just wanted to tell you

because of what you said earlier.

"Honesty is the best policy."

I think you were right, babe.

Well, thanks, babe.

That's... that's very big of you.

Yeah.

So, anything else you want to tell me?

No, no. There's, um...

nothing I can think of.

Think harder.

[LAUGHS] Babe.

There's nothing.

Just, um...

just that I love you.

I love you, too.

Oh, my God, that took forever.

- That's okay.
- All right, um, let's get out of here,

- 'cause we still might be able to...
- Hey, are you guys seeing this?

There's some blue guy out in the plaza.

Oh, sh*t, uh, that's from me.

Uh, happy upload day.

- What?
- I'm sorry

- it's been such a disaster.
- No, today was great, okay?

I got to spend time with you.

Aw.

And now I know you're in a good place,

which is a huge relief for me.

It makes me happy.

Plus, I got my very own Blue Man.

- No, Blue Dude. Yeah.
- What?

He's not affiliated
with the Blue Man Group.

- Ah.
- Yeah.

- Do you like him?
- I do. I love him.

- Can I keep him?
- Okay, but he's your responsibility,

'cause I'm not gonna be taking him

for walks or painting
his face or whatever.

- Never mind, I don't want him.
- Gotcha.

[NORA LAUGHS]

Oh, that must be the new witness.

Oh, what the hell?

What, do you know him?

Yeah.

That's the leading download specialist.

He's the one that gave
Nathan those junk pills.

What's he doing here?

Guy took a bribe to
sabotage the first download.

Upload companies had to
crush the competition.

Right, why pay for centuries
at Lakeview if you could

download into a young
body and start over?

- Yeah.
- [LAWYER] Yeah.

Kapoor has info on all their plans

from Freeyond to stuff

we don't even know about yet.

Oh, good, my boba's here.

[JINGLE PLAYING]

Out of the way.

Out of the way now.

If he sabotaged the first download,

he gave me fake pills because...

Because you never needed them.

Your nosebleeds were just nosebleeds.

I'm gonna be okay.

- You're gonna be okay!
- I'm gonna be okay!

[LAUGHING]

Come on.

[expl*si*n OUTSIDE]

[GASPS] No!

[EXHALES]

Whoo!

[CROWD CLAMORING]

[COUGHS]

g*dd*mn snackbot.

[GRUNTS]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪