04x22 - Wilson's Allergy

[bunniefuu]

[theme music]

[door slams]

-Hey Mom, Dad.

-Young man, where have you been?

-Over helping Mr. Wilson

with a crossword puzzle.

And you know something?

He thinks I'm pretty smart.

-He does, does he?

-Yeah.

He just said if he had his way,

I'd be going away to college

next year.

[theme music]

-If you were allergic to

foods, pollens, or dusts John,

that test would've produced

red patches on your arm by now.

-Well I must be

allergic to something.

-But at times John's eyes water

so we can hardly work doctor.

-Hmm.

Maybe you're allergic

to work John.

[laughs]

-Very funny.

And what am I supposed

to do the next time

I start sneezing my head off?

Those quack pills you gave

me didn't do any good.

-Well the next time you

start sneezing be sure

and called me up.

-Call you?

Whatever for?

-So I can come over and

watch you be miserable.

[laughs]

-Bye Eloise.

-Bye

-Ugh, some doctor.

I could be dying

and all he'd give

me are bum jokes and

those quack pill.

[door bell rings]

-Now who could that be?

-Well now that's

a silly question.

Who else comes over to

bother me every time

I'm about to start an article?

-Hi Mrs. Wilson.

-Hello dear.

-Mom asked me to return this.

-Oh thank you dear.

-Morning Mr. Wilson.

You working?

-No Dennis.

I'm sitting here staring

at my typewriter.

-What's this one about?

-This is called What We

Know About The Planets.

And it has to be in by Friday.

So if you'll excuse me.

-Boy, planets should

make a swell article.

Do you know much about

planets Mr. Wilson?

-Only that the one that I am on

is a little too small at times.

Now if you'll-- if you'll--

[sneeze]

-Bless you Mr. Wilson.

You got hay fever?

You sneeze every time

I come over lately.

-Dennis will you--

what did you say?

-I said you sneeze every

time I come over lately.

-Eloise!

-Allergic to Dennis?

That's not possible.

-No it doesn't

seem possible John.

-Well according to

Doctor Johnson, Henry,

who I just talked to.

Although admittedly

rare, there are

cases on file of one human

being allergic to another.

-I'm completely flabbergasted.

-Well, not that I

doubt your word John,

but this is something I've

got to see with my own eyes.

[sigh]

-You mean you can make

Mr. Wilson sneeze just

by being around him?

-Not even tickling his nose?

-Or using sneezing powder?

-That's right.

Every time I go over there

lately he sneezes like crazy.

-Ah, go on Dennis.

-We weren't born

yesterday you know.

-All right, wise guys, we'll

go next door and I'll show ya.

-Dennis.

Come in the house a

minute, will you son?

-I'll be right out.

I hope.

If it's about my frog

Sammy using your bath water

dad-- oh hi Mr. Wilson.

Hey guys, come

around to the window

if you wanna see something.

-Dennis.

-Hey Mom, did Mr.

Wilson tell you

about the crazy way

I made him sneeze?

-Yes dear, he certainly did.

-Yes Dennis, that's

precisely why I'm he--

[sneeze]

-Bless you Mr. Wilson.

-Oh Dennis, never mind.

-Did you see that guys?

-I just heard it.

-Make him do it again Dennis.

-All right, fellas.

The show is over.

[sneeze]

-Dennis wait out

in the hall dear.

-I never would have believed it.

-Wait a minute.

Mr. Wilson, do you

think it could it

be something Dennis is wearing?

-Maybe a soap he's using.

-Harry that's it!

I just changed Dennis's

soap last week,

the one that's supposed to get

dirt off little boys easier.

-Well I suppose I could

be allergic to soap.

-You see what happens

when you worry

about me being

clean all the time?

-Well you'll just have to take

a bath and use the old soap.

-Well I sure wish I could make

somebody sneeze like that.

-Me too.

-Hey guys I gotta take a bath.

-A bath?

-In the middle of the day?

-Yeah.

My folks think Mr. Wilson

is sneezing around me

because of some dumb

old soap I'm using.

-You mean you're going to

take an extra bath just

on account of Mr. Wilson?

-Sure Tommy.

Mr. Wilson's a good

friend of mine.

See ya later.

-Boy, who needs a

friend like that?

-It's bad enough when

you get older and have

to be clean all the time.

-I'll never be that old.

-How's the great

experiment coming along?

-He's combing his hair.

I had him put on all

clean cotton clothing

just in case Mr. Wilson's

allergic to synthetics.

-Honey, you don't think this

is an insidious plot hatched up

by John Wilson to keep Dennis

from bothering him, do you?

Just a thought.

-I'm all set Mom.

-Well off you go to do battle

with Mr. Wilson's nose.

-Boy, if I were any

cleaner I'd feel sick.

-It is kind of a shock to

the nervous system, isn't it?

-Sure is.

-Well Eloise, in

a few minutes I'll

know whether I've

gotten that pint size

nuisance out of

my hair for good.

-Oh John, you like

Dennis and you know it.

-I like kangaroos too.

But I don't want

them hopping around

when I'm trying to write.

Besides, they

don't ask question.

[door bell rings]

-Come in, Dennis.

-Hi Mrs. Wilson.

-Hello dear.

-You ready to smell

me Mr. Wilson?

-My, don't you look nice.

-Oh boy, you're not

sneezing Mr. Wilson.

-Oh give me time

Dennis, give me time.

Well Eloise, I guess I'm not--

[sneeze]

-Maybe it was one left over.

[sneeze]

-Jeepers Mr. Wilson.

What can we do now?

-Little friend, there's

only one thing we can do.

We--

[sneeze]

-Stay away from each other for

the rest of our natural life.

-You mean we can't

be pals anymore?

-Oh, yes of course

we can Dennis.

Uh, a pen pal.

-How's it coming dear?

-Oh, slow.

So.

However Eloise, a modern

record is about to be set.

I haven't been

bothered once by Dennis

in an entire hour period.

-Oh John.

-For my part, it couldn't

come at a better time.

If I do a good job

on this article

it may open up an

entire new market for me

in space age writing.

-John, isn't that

still the first page?

Now dear, I thought you did

all your research last week.

-Eloise, one just

doesn't sit down

and write a scientific

article about planets.

-Oh.

Does one visit a few

of them first dear?

Oh!

I see Dennis has made

friends with Mr. Haynes.

They're over in the

park playing checkers.

-They are?

Eloise, I couldn't care less.

-So you think you got me, huh?

-No Mr. Haynes.

But I think you

think I've gotcha.

-Oh nuts!

-John, there's

enough paper in here

to have written nine articles.

-I know why I can't get started.

It's too quite here.

-Let's play something.

-What do you want to play?

-I don't care.

What do you want

to play Seymour?

-I'm hungry.

-Can't you boys make any

more noise than that?

-I'm tired.

-Seymour, you've been

here less than an hour.

-Are you really going to give

us each a time Mr. Wilson, just

for sitting here

and making noises?

-I am.

-I think he flipped his lid.

-Seymour, I'm not employing

you as my psychiatrist.

-I want my dime now.

-All right, all right.

I'll give you all

your dimes now.

Oh my goodness.

Here you are.

There's yours, yours.

-Thanks a lot Mr. Wilson.

-And there's yours.

-It's OK I guess.

-Oh come on fellas.

Can;t you make some real noise?

[scream]

-Seymour, not that

kind of noise.

As if you were playing

football or something.

-OK.

Throw it here.

-Here it comes.

-I've got it.

Got it!

-Oh no you don't.

I got a touchdown!

-What do you mean touchdown?

-Yeah Seymour, what

do you mean touchdown?

-I want extra dimes,

they're yelling at me.

-All right fellas,

that's enough.

-Didn't our noise help you

think better Mr. Wilson?

-Well I hoped it would, Tommy,

but it simply is not working.

-Gee, that's tough.

-Yeah.

Well, goodbye boys.

-Bye Mr. Wilson.

Thanks for the dime.

-Yeah thanks.

-Hi Mr. Wilson!

-Dennis, what are

you doing here?

-Well I know I shouldn't

be here Mr. Wilson.

But I just had to say

hello on my way home.

-Well, hello.

-How's the article coming?

-Oh Dennis, don't you start.

-Start what Mr. Wilson?

-Dennis, I have been sitting

at this unholy typewriter

like a bump on a

log for two days,

and I'm in no mood--

wait a minute.

I think I have an opening.

-See Mr. Wilson.

I'm bringing you good luck

and you're not even sneezing.

-Please Dennis, don't you

see that I'm-- I'm-- I'm--

[sneeze]

-Guess I'm still doing it to

you after all, huh Mr. Wilson?

[sneeze]

-What's going on here?

-Hi Mrs. Wilson.

I've just stopped by to--

[sneeze]

-Oh Dennis.

-I'm going.

Bye Mr. Wilson.

Bye Mrs. Wilson.

-Goodbye dear.

[sneeze]

-That darn kid.

-Man, who only yesterday, as

measured by the sands of time

thought of his world

as flat and huge,

is today turning the

genius of his intellect

towards that vast infinity of

universe that surrounds him.

Oh John, that's good!

-There's only one thing

wrong with it Eloise.

-Well what's that dear?

-I can't write like that

unless Dennis is bothering me.

-If he's here, I sneeze

my silly head off.

-Oh.

DENNIS (ON RECORDER)

Hi, Mr. Wilson.

How's it going this afternoon?

You busy, huh?

How you feeling Mr. Wilson?

[inaudible] Mr. Wilson?

Have you ever had

false teeth Mr. Wilson?

Have you seen a

hungry looking lost

goat around here Mr. Wilson?

ALICE (OFFSCREEN): Well I

called Doctor Johnson again.

But he has no new suggestions

for-- a lost goat?

DENNIS (ON RECORDER): Hi, Mom.

Poor Mr. Wilson's paying

me $ . just to bother

him on this tape recorder.

Well I'm just saying

anything that I--

-It's no use Eloise.

Dennis has bothering

down to such a fine art

it has to be done in person.

-The tape wouldn't work?

Aw, I'm sorry dear.

-Well that settles it.

-Settles what?

-Eloise, I have grown

accustomed to Dennis

bothering me while I work.

Just as other people have

grow accustomed to hives.

When they stop scratching it's

throws their entire schedule

off.

Well my entire schedule is off.

And it will stay off unless I

do something drastic, and now!

[hammering]

-Henry come here.

[hammering]

-John Wilson, you

are being ridiculous.

Now dear, putting

the house up for sale

is not going to help you

write that article by Friday.

-Eloise, I have made up my mind.

-What's going on over here?

You folks decide to move to

the right side of the tracks?

-Hello Henry.

Meet the nut of the month.

-No use Henry.

When a writer can't work he

has only two alternatives,

to move to a new environment

or starve to death.

-And as you could see

from the shape John's in,

it with take him years

to starve to death.

-I don't understand John.

Has Dennis been around making

your allergy flare up again?

I told him to stay away.

-Dennis hasn't been around.

John's upset because he hasn't.

He misses him.

-I am not upset, and

I do not miss him.

Well I mean, well this is

a difficult problem Henry.

I'm not sure that I

understand it myself.

It's simply that I can not

work unless Dennis is around

bothering me.

But I-- I can't have him

around because, well he

makes me sneeze my head off.

-Hmm.

That is a problem.

-Well it's true.

John Wilson's putting a for

sale sign up on his house.

-A for sale sign?

Do you mean Mr. Wilson's

going to sell his house

and move away?

-Yes Dennis.

Mr. Wilson has quite a problem.

-Boy.

I never thought he'd

take it this hard.

-Well dear, it's nothing

to blame yourself for.

-Who else can you blame mom?

When a swell guy like Mr. Wilson

can't work with me around,

and he's going to

move away because I

make him sneeze all the time.

Now remember Willy,

you're not to fight

with Hortense after I'm gone.

She's a girl.

ALICE (OFFSCREEN): Dennis.

-Oh goodness, you

got in bed fast,

-You said it.

-I wouldn't worry about

Mr. Wilson moving away.

Things usually have a

way of working out dear.

-Goodnight Mom.

-Goodnight dear.

-Goodbye Sam.

It was nice know you.

I'd take you with

me Sam, but I'm

going to have enough trouble

just having one mouth to feed.

[music playing]

-Ah [inaudible], that makes

$ , . you owe me.

-k*ll joy?

-I'll play you

double or nothing.

-What?

I should work myself

up to practically

being a millionaire only to be

wiped out by a game of chance?

-Hi Excuse me.

Could you gentlemen tell

me when the next freight

train comes through?

-Well that depends boy

on where you're going.

-Anywhere.

Are you gentlemen hobos?

-We prefer to be known as

the gentry of the open road.

-That's what I want to be too.

I'm Dennis, Dennis Mitchell.

-Well how do you do Dennis?

I am Cecil Thorp, the third.

-How do you do Mr. Thorp Third?

-Hi Dennis.

I'm Slim.

-How do you do Mr. Slim?

-Just call me Hog, boy.

-Glad to make your

acquaintance Mr. Hog.

-Sit down Dennis.

Sit down.

Now then Dennis, it's not

easy to join our little club,

you know?

-It's not?

-Well certainly not.

To begin with, you gotta a write

your poor ole mother every day.

And you gotta wash behind

your ears twice a day.

-Twice a day?

-Of course.

What do you think we are, bums?

-And last but not least, you

got to have an awful good reason

to run away from home.

You ain't married, are ya?

-Heck no.

But I got another good reason.

My best friend's moving

away, and it's all my fault.

-That bad, huh?

-If you let me travel

with you gentleman

I won't be trouble at all.

I learn awful fast.

I don't even snore.

-Well, well.

Well then, just smack yours

lips over this stew, boy.

-Thanks

-And please give my

frog Sam to Tommy.

And tell him not to

let Sam eat too many

flies before bedtime

because he gets indigestion.

PS, I'm sorry I caused my

good friend Mr. Wilson all

this trouble, and hope

now that I'm leaving he'll

stay here and be able to write

OK, especially by Friday.

Dennis.

-We notified the police

as soon as we found it.

-Yes, now we're out to do

some looking for ourselves.

-Well I'll go with you.

-Oh thanks Mr. Wilson.

-Goodbye

-Goodbye Mrs. Wilson.

-Goodbye, good luck.

-Poor kid, he's got big

troubles for a little boy.

-He's got big troubles?

I owe $ , and

only got $ . .

-You're in trouble?

I've got to collect

$ , from a dead b*at.

[laughing]

[yelling]

-Hold it!

Hold it!

Believe me folks, every

available man on the force

is out looking for Dennis.

I'm just as

concerned as you are.

-Then why aren't you

out running around

on your big flat feet Mooney?

-Yeah.

Somebody has to mind the store.

-Mooney, unless that child

is found with-- with-- with--

[sneeze]

-Uh.

For a minute I thought--

-Excuse me Sergeant.

John smell this hat.

-Why should-- why should--

[sneeze]

-Stop it!

He's sneezing right in my hat!

-Sergeant, do you use

some sort of hair tonic?

-I do.

Rose blossom.

It's odorless to humans.

But boy, how it drives

dogs wild. [laughs]

-Evidently dogs and Mr. Wilson.

-Same thing.

-Now listen Mooney!

-Please John.

Honey?

-It's no use dear.

Dennis doesn't use hair tonic.

-Sergeant, we have something

here to leave with you.

[yelling]

-Easy now, easy.

-Is he all right?

-Just tuckered out is all ma'am.

-Oh thank goodness.

[sneeze]

-That's the happiest

sneeze I've ever had Henry.

-But where did you find him?

-He dropped by our

modest track side resort.

-Track side resort?

I thought I told you--

-Shhh!

-(WHISPERING) Sergeant,

if you please.

-(WHISPERING) Sergeant, let

us not be loud and crude.

-Loud and crude?

-Shhh!

[sneeze]

-Shhh!

-I'm his mother.

I don't know how to thank you.

-Well I do.

-Oh no John, this

is my pleasure.

-Money?

-Sir, we are insulted.

We wouldn't dream of

accepting recompense

for helping a fellow hobo.

-Fellow hobo?

-They mean you John.

-We mean Dennis.

We voted him an honorary member

of our elite little clan.

-Bye kid.

-When he wakes up ma'am,

will you tell him goodbye?

-I certainly will.

-Ah, you boys aren't leaving

our fair little city are you?

-No offense man

sergeant, it simply

lacks the cultural

pursuits which interest us.

-Dennis.

Dennis wake up son.

-Hi Mom.

Hi Dad.

What am I going here?

-You fell asleep dear, and

your friends brought you here.

-Gee wiz, why did they go

do a dumb thing like that?

-Hello Dennis.

[sneeze]

-Dennis, have you been

using a hair tonic called

rose blossom without telling us?

-How did you find out?

-Well dear, why did

you keep it a secret?

-Well because a guy

my age ought to be

able to make his dumb

old cowlick stay down

without using that--

that greasy kid stuff.

-Know what Dennis, I

use rose blossom too.

To make my dumb old

cowlick stay down.

[sneeze]

-But Saturn's most

remarkable feature

is its system of rings that it--

-Gee Mr. Wilson, isn't it

swell that me new hair tonic

doesn't make you sneeze?

-Dennis, as you

can take yourself,

and your new hair tonic,

and you can just--

-John!

-Eh, go and sit

down, and keep me

company until this

article is finished.

-OK Mr. Wilson.

Since you really need me.

-Dennis, I need you

like a dog needs a flea.

Powder

-You know something?

Mr. Haynes is a nice man.

But as far as I'm considered,

there's only one Mr. Wilson,

and you're him!

-There, now aren't

you lucky dear?

-Oh, I'm the luck-- luck--

lucky one all right Eloise.

[laughing]

-Well I'm lucky too

because-- cause-- cause--

[sneeze]

-Jeepers Mr. Wilson, you aren't

using rose blossom hair tonic

to make your cowlick

stay down, are ya?

-Oh for crying out loud.

[theme music]