02x14 - Honor Council

[bunniefuu]

You know, I always try to do the right thing.

You know what I say? If it feels good, do it.

Here are some tips that will help you stay out of trouble.

Want to know how to have fun?

Listen up.

Always go to bed on time.

Stay up all night till like : in the morning.

Never miss class.

When the teacher's not looking,

Climb out the window.

Always do your homework before you watch tv.

Always remember

Television is far more important than homework.

Hey, is drake telling you bad stuff?

Oh, vegetables? Uncool.

Drake! Stop poisoning the youth of america!

Ok!

Don't worry about homework.

Eat candy, watch tons of tv.

Are you giving the people a positive message?

Yeah!

Ok, positively keep your room messy,

Play music loud,

Chocolate for breakfast. Got it?

Don't be a troublemaker.

Don't be a dork.

Ok, you get to eat candy at every meal

For the rest of your life.

But you have to have of your fingers

Surgically removed. Would you do it?

Do I get to keep my thumbs?

One.

Yeah, I'd do it.

Aah!

Hey, that's mrs. Haeffer's car.

What's it doing in the classroom?

Ok, somebody has pulled the greatest prank ever.

But how did they do it?

[Bell rings]

I think the prankster must have driven the car

Up to the side of the building,

Threw it into neutral, greased the car with butter,

Or corn oil,

And then squeezed it through that window.

I have a different theory.

Oh? What's that, mindy?

Well, I think when you were a baby,

Your mother dropped you on your head,

Then fed you a bottle of stupid juice,

Then sucked your brain out with a vacuum.

Oh, yeah? Well...

Oh, yeah? Well...

Oh, yeah?

Good comeback, josh.

Oh, yeah?

Stupid mindy. She's so smart.

You're just mad because she came in first at the science fair

And you came in second.

I should have won, what with my big magnet.

She cloned her own dog.

Big deal.

Like the world needs another cockapoo.

Just let it go, man.

It was just a science fair.

No, she beats me at everything.

I get a on a test, she gets .

I run for class president, she beats me by one vote.

I bring tuna for lunch, she brings ham.

So?

Ham beats tuna. Everybody knows that.

Drake: here comes haeffer.

When she sees her car in here,

She's going to explode.

Haeffer: sorry I'm late, class.

I had my car stolen last night and--

I just found it.

Hmm. That's interesting.

Well, I'll go tell the principal

That my car is in the middle of my classroom.

Hmm. No expl*si*n.

Haeffer, shouting: my car is in the middle of my classroom!

Kaboom.

♪I never thought that it would be so simple ♪

♪But I found a way, I found a way ♪

♪ If you open up your mind ♪

♪ See what's inside ♪

♪It's gonna take some time to realize ♪

♪But if you look inside, I'm sure you'll find ♪

♪ Over your shoulder you know that I told you ♪

♪ I'll always be pickin' you up when you're down ♪

♪ So just turn around ♪

♪ Whoo ♪

Haeffer: I want to know

Who parked my car in this classroom,

And I want to know now.

So, no one wants to talk?

Fine. Because I will find out who did this.

And when I do, drake,

I will do bad things to him,

Very bad things.

I didn't do this, mrs. Haeffer.

Did not do it.

All right, class, take your seats.

Now, would everyone

Please open their textbooks to page...

Drake, josh, why aren't you sitting?

You're kind of parked in our spots.

Then sit in the car!

Shotgun.

[Car alarm]

Josh: oh, geez.

Nice going, josh. Smooth.

[Car alarm stops]

Ooh. Hello, sara.

Objects in mirror may be hotter than they appear.

Haeffer: drake!

Stop enjoying the reflection!

Hi. I'm from aaaa.

I got a call to remove a car from an english class.

That the one?

Yes, it is.

Please, just get it out of here.

All right, who can tell me--

[Machine noise]

[Shouting] what were the names of the two feuding families

In "romeo and juliet"?

[Honks horn]

Stop it!

Josh.

The answer is the montagues and the hathaways.

Mindy: wrong.

I believe it was the montagues and the capulets.

Correct.

But I had a big magnet!

She cloned her own dog!

Uh, excuse me. Can I use your jack?

Oh, it's in the trunk.

Haeffer: all right, now, we know that romeo

Was not allowed to snuggle juliet,

Not even on the weekends, and...

Where did that jacket come from?

It was in your trunk.

Hey, drake, that's your jacket.

Yeah, it was stolen out of my locker a couple days ago.

Or did you leave it in the trunk last night

When you were parking my car in this classroom?

I told you, mrs. Haeffer, I didn't do this.

You are suspended, drake parker.

What?! Suspended!

Come on, now, you have--

To the nurse!

Did you do it?

No.

Why did you do it?

I didn't.

How did you do it?

I told you, I didn't do it!

I swore on mom's grave.

Mother: excuse me, still alive here.

Sorry, it's an expression.

Megan, out.

Are you going to yell at drake?

Out!

Fine.

But if he cries and I miss it,

I'm just going to have to make him cry again.

So we just got off the phone with your principal.

Look, I promise you guys,

I did not put her car in that classroom.

You don't believe me.

Well, you have been known to act out.

Like when?

You drove the lawn mower into the living room.

By accident.

You filled our swimming pool with lobsters.

To make money.

Should I mention the stink b*mb

At my sister's wedding?

Oh, come on, even you hate your sister.

Look, drake, it doesn't matter what we believe,

Your school has rules.

Suspension means that you can't go on your class ski trip,

You can't compete in the talent show.

It's just so unfair!

I can't believe mrs. Haeffer

Can just decide I'm guilty.

She can't!

What?

According to my pocket-sized school handbook.

Any accused student can appeal his case

Before the honor council.

What's that?

It's like a court. A jury of students

Decides whether you're innocent or guilty.

How were you going to make money with lobsters?

Focus, walter!

All right, josh, I want to do it.

How do I go before this honor closet?

Well, first, it's called the honor council.

And second, I've already submitted your case.

Oh, really? That's awesome!

We go to trial in two days.

That's awesome!

And I'm going to defend you!

Oh, that's not awesome.

Boy: drake, drake!

Bobby bernstein from the school paper.

Are you innocent?

Yes, completely innocent.

Drake, if you're suspended,

Can you still take me to the prom?

Hey, I'm going with drake to the prom!

Excuse me, drake's my prom date!

[All shouting]

Girls, girls, girls, girls!

Ok, once I prove drake's innocence,

He could take all of you to the prom.

[Squealing]

So what do we do?

Just relax. I've got everything under control.

Act tough. This is w*r.

Hey, mrs. Haeffer. You know, you look lovely in lavender.

Oh, thank you, josh.

You're looking pretty spiffy yourself.

I hate you, drake.

Ma'am.

So, mrs. Haeffer,

I guess you'll be defending yourself in this trial?

No, actually one of my students is representing me.

Oh, really? Well, he's in for a rough time.

I've come prepared. Got me a briefcase.

So who's going to be representing you?

Uh...oh, here she comes now.

Hi, mrs. Haeffer.

Wow, mindy. Two briefcases.

Mindy?!

You're representing mrs. Haeffer?

That's right, josh.

Looks like you're going to lose again.

Oh, no. Not this time.

I am done losing to you.

Face it, josh, you can't b*at me at anything.

Oh, yeah?

Thumb w*r!

, , , , I declare a thumb w*r!

, , , You lose.

Let go of my thumb!

Come on, mrs. Haeffer. Table's right here.

This won't take long.

Good luck, josh.

I hate you, drake.

Ma'am.

She hurt my thumb.

[No sound]

All right, this meeting of the honor council will now begin.

Drake parker.

You are accused by mrs. Haeffer

Of putting her car into a classroom.

If you're found guilty by the jury,

You are going to be suspended from school.

And if I'm found innocent?

Yeah, right.

All right, we will now hear

An opening statement from the defense.

You're sure you know what you're doing?

Yeah.

I spent all last night studying legal talk.

Watch this.

Thank you, mr. Thompson.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,

My client, drake parker, henceforth known as "party a,"

Cannot have committed said act of malfeasance.

Nay, in this trial, I shall render both habeases and corpuses...

...i will begin my argument

By examining the plaintiff's erroneous claim...

...i request that you examine and analyze

All of the motions and injunctions,

And come to a decision ex post facto.

I will argue my case through a series of defenses

Starting with article one ...

...which brings me to point number , subset a.

[Air horn blows]

Josh, that's enough of an opening statement,

Don't you think?

But I was just--

[Honk]

Mindy, you have the floor.

Mindy: thank you.

Unlike my opponent,

I'll make my opening statement short and sweet.

Drake's guilty. I'll prove it.

Who wants sushi?

[Applause]

But that's not fair! Do something!

Oh, right.

Uh, mr. Thompson? I object.

Mindy can't bring in sushi.

[Chewing] overruled.

Thompson: hey, can I have

A spicy tuna roll, please?

Waiter: hai!

Thank you. Oh, that's good. That's the best one.

This is bobby bernstein for the school news.

I'm here with josh nichols,

Who's defending his brother drake

In the biggest honor council trial of the year.

Josh, tell me,

Why do you think you lost this case?

I didn't lose. The trial's still going on.

This is going to air next week.

Yeah, b*at it, bernstein!

All right. Mindy, the floor is yours.

For my next witness,

I'd like to call the defendant, drake parker.

Just be cool. Don't let her rattle you.

Right. Got it.

Oh, wait, wait. Fix your collar.

It will impress the jury if you look nice.

Josh, you're embarrassing me.

Just one sec.

Mindy: ladies and gentlemen of the jury,

I have here exhibit a: drake's english notebook.

You'll notice it contains no notes. No.

Only the disturbing scribblings of a boy possessed.

Those are personal!

You can't show everyone his doodles!

Doodles.

Mr. Thompson, this notebook is directly relevant to this case

As it shows drake's true feelings about mrs. Haeffer.

Oh, I'll allow that, yeah.

I've taken some of drake's drawings and enlarged them

So you can all see the inner workings of his twisted mind.

Drawing number one.

Can you explain what this is?

Airplane.

And who is this jumping out of the airplane?

Mrs. Haeffer.

And where's her parachute?

Didn't draw one.

Didn't draw one!

But there's a lake below.

So clearly she would land safely in the water.

Really?

Drake, what are these things

In the water?

Hungry alligators.

I see.

Drawing number two.

Here we see mrs. Haeffer smiling and holding an umbrella,

But above her--

That's not rain falling, is it, drake?

Not really.

What is it?

Piano.

A piano!

What's happening to mrs. Haeffer here?

Eaten by an elephant.

And here?

Struck by lightning.

And this one?

Probed by aliens.

[No sound]

No more questions.

Now, drake, we know from the janitor's testimony

That the car was put into the classroom

Sometime between midnight and a.m. Tuesday morning.

Right.

Excuse me, but where is this going?

In your face, that's where it's going!

Drake couldn't have pulled that prank

Because we share a room.

And between midnight and a.m.,

He was asleep in his bed.

Clone that one, mindy!

Mr. Thompson, I have some questions for josh.

Bring it.

Mindy, you may "bring it."

Is it true that I b*at you

In the science fair last year?

Yes.

What does that have to do with this trial?

Nothing, I just like reminding you.

Now you say that drake couldn't have pulled this prank

Because you were both asleep in the same room

Between midnight and a.m.

That's right.

But who's to say

That drake didn't sneak out of your room after midnight,

While you were sleeping,

Put mrs. Haeffer's car in the classroom,

Then return to your room before you woke up?

Impossible. If he had left,

It would have woken me up,

Because I am a very light sleeper.

You're a light sleeper?

Josh, are you aware that your little sister megan

Has her own web site?

Yeah. So?

Ladies and gentlemen, if you'd all take a look at this monitor,

I'd like to show you a video clip from meganparker.com.

Watch closely.

Hi, I'm megan parker, and this is my friend addie.

I'm her friend addie.

Welcome to another episode of...

Both: "doing stuff to josh while he sleeps!"

This week, we're going to focus on josh's face.

We're going to put stuff on it.

First, bologna.

Next, lipstick.

And finally...

Both: a kitty!

Which is extra funny, because he's allergic to cats.

That concludes this week's episode of...

Both: "doing stuff to josh while he sleeps."

Bye!

As you clearly just saw,

Josh nichols is not a light sleeper,

Which means drake obviously snuck out,

Pulled the prank,

Then snuck back in before josh even knew he was gone.

Drake, how could you do that?

I didn't do it!

Oh, right.

She's good.

So, I hear you're going to lose.

What makes you say that?

School paper.

Hey, my hair looks pretty good there.

So, drake, tell me!

Tell you what?

How you got her car in that classroom.

Did you use a ramp up to the window?

Or was it some type of hydraulic lift?

Megan, for the last time,

I did not pull that prank.

I wouldn't even know how.

Yeah, you're not that smart.

Thank you.

Hey!

Oh, you know what I mean.

Yeah.

Hey!

You know what?

I'm going to look into this.

What?

I'm going to help you.

And why are you going to help me?

Because you're my brother.

And I can tell you're sad and scared and upset,

And I can't stand to see you that way

Unless I cause it.

Oh, thanks.

Hey!

Mindy: so if you examine all of the evidence,

You will see that there is no doubt that drake parker

Is guilty of pulling this prank

And deserves to be suspended.

Also I b*at josh in the science fair last year.

Just sayin'.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,

I am not an emotional man.

But I would go to the ends of the earth

To prove that my client, drake parker,

Is innocent!!

[Crunch]

Aw, geez.

Josh, sit down, will you?

We all know drake is guilty.

Uh, but it's up to the jury.

Guilty. Guilty.

Guilty. I think he's guilty.

Guilty. Guilty.

Megan?

What are you doing here?

Just read this.

Uh, mr. Thompson?

Can I just have one more minute?

It's over, josh. I won. Again.

Mr. Thompson, may i?

Well, if it keeps me from going home to my wife,

Sure, whatever.

Thank you.

I call mindy crenshaw to the stand.

What?

To the stand, crenshaw!

Crenshaw.

All right, come on, boys, let's get to it.

So, mindy, you do very well in school, don't you?

Number one in the class. Jealous?

What's your grade point average?

I have a ..

So you're saying you have all "a"s?

That's what I'm saying.

Both: really?

Because we happen to have a copy of your transcript.

And your grades.

That's what transcript means.

Oh.

So let's take a look at your grades.

Yes, let's.

Hmm. "A," "a," "a," "a," "a"--oh!

Whoops!

Drake, what does that little letter look like right there?

Oh, gee, josh, I'm thinking that's a "b."

Ok, fine, I got one "b."

Yes, you did.

Two years ago.

In a class taught by...

...mrs. Alice haeffer!

What do you say to that, mindy?

I say, "who cares?"

Oh, I think you do.

I think you had a perfect straight "a" average

Until one courageous teacher gave you a "b,"

And you couldn't stand it.

Be quiet, josh!

It ate away at you,

Until you couldn't take it anymore!

Remember the science fair!

So you took her car apart,

And put it back together in her classroom

To get even!

Stop talking!

Yeah, and then you framed me.

Admit it! Tell the truth!

All right, I did it! You happy?!

Mindy! How could you?

How could you give me a "b"?

I'm perfect, better than all of you.

[Gavel bangs]

Mindy, you're suspended. Drake, you're not.

I've got to get some soup.

All right, fine, I don't care.

I don't need this place. I don't need any of you.

I have a cockapoo

And an exact clone of that cockapoo.

That's two cockapi.

How many cockapi do you have, josh? Hmm?

Oh, that's right. None.

All you've got is a big magnet.

"Oh, I'm josh. Look at me with my big magnet."

That's right. Crenshaw, out.

See you, crazy.

You did it, man.

Yeah, we did.

Drake, this isn't easy for me to say,

But I was wrong. I'm sorry.

Thank you, mrs. Haeffer.

You know, I'm just actually glad--

Still hate you.

I know.

Thanks for getting me out of this, man.

I definitely owe you.

Oh, yeah? How are you going to repay me?

I'll think of something.

I knew you were innocent.

I knew it more!

Your hair is so cool!

[No sound]

Ok!

He's so cute!

Consider us even.

La la!

I know.

Hungry alligators.

I think drake's innocent,

And cute. You draw so cool!

Thank you.

Who are you?

Young lady, back to your seat, please.

Free drake! Free drake!

I love you. Bye!

Ok.

Man: mmm!