02x09 - Driver's License

[bunniefuu]

okay you want to know the number one

thing about turning 16

being 15 was fun but you want to know

why 16 is better

two words two words

driver's license

i am so psyched to be able to drive a

cone i am so ready to get behind the

wheel i'll be able to drive megan to

soccer practice i'll be able to back

over megan's bike in the driveway

i can cruise to the supermarket and pick

up a melon

you know josh loves melons

are special fruits don't let anyone tell

you different

now i like grapes

which if you think about it are just

like tiny little individual melons

drinks always trying to tell me that

grapes are like small melons

but i ain't buying it

wait what was i just seeing before the

stuff about melons wait what was i

talking about before oh yeah yeah

driver's license

i can't wait to get my driver's license

i am ready to drive

and i like grapes the grape is no melon

[Applause]

[Applause]

drake the volume

oh sorry uh

go

[Applause]

dude we're supposed to be studying for

our driving test which is exactly what

i'm doing oh just random dragon

ah bridge is out

i seriously doubt our driving test is

gonna include stealing a bus and ramming

dragons do you know that for sure

ah yep new high school

bro this is a really big day for us

we're becoming men

men who drive

yeah

we're really getting mature

yeah

hey want to play mr wiggles balloon hunt

okay but i get to be the purple

controller no i get the purple no i get

the perfect no i get the bond

[Music]

no i don't like that come on

[Music]

[Music]

it's gonna take some time

[Music]

but if you look inside

[Music]

if you open up your mind

it's gonna take some time to realize

[Music]

[Music]

over your shoulders

[Music]

hi

why blow it because you failed to stop

at the stop sign

and why is there a stop sign in the

living room

because i'm about to help you guys

prepare for your driver's test

ah don't worry about it we prepared all

day i'm helping you

great

now as you'll see i've set up a

simulator

those are mom's good chairs

what she doesn't know won't hurt me

okay josh you're up first

your steering wheel

a hula hoop a steering hoop

josh start the car

vroom

okay now

a good driver is always prepared for the

unexpected yeah i know i'm always

telling you a little girl

[Applause]

oh

why are they good

always the first

to go

nice going josh i ran over your sister

i get to run over next

[Laughter]

yo

i hate the wet willy

okay drake your turn

must i do this your choice but you know

the rules you get one traffic ticket

that's it i take your license away that

goes for both of you capice

it's pronounced capisce dad

touch

touche

okay drake

now we're driving along we're just

driving along

it's a beautiful evening

the sun

oh

[Applause]

[Applause]

[Music]

josh this is the department of motor

vehicles all right not the navy quit

saluting people

sorry i'm just really nervous about the

test

relax all right good things happen when

you relax

uh parker drake oh me that's

very cute

i'm carly

oh i'm

psyched you ready for your driver's test

yeah

see

relaxed

how do you always get the hot girl

i don't know i try not to question him

see ya

michael's josh

yes sir

or ma'am

[Applause]

i uh

i i just want to say i i love that that

pin

is that a pelican

i hate teenagers oh yeah we're the worst

all right nichols there is an ambulance

coming why aren't you pulling over um

because it's a divided highway so

technically i'm not required to pull

over for an oncoming ambulance

right

right but i don't like your kind

[Applause]

so uh what's right in there hold on a

second and

look

hey you drew me yeah you have a great

profile

thanks

oh inside out burger

oh it's hot in here i hate hot

oh i'll uh i'll i'll turn on the air

conditioning let me just put up your

window

oh sorry i'm sorry

do you want me to rub it no

how good is inside out burger

the best you want to fry ah got to keep

my hands on the wheel

no problem

[Music]

don't slam the door this isn't one of

your teenage parties

i'm sorry now mr nichols i assume you

expect a driver's license look if i

could just retake the test perhaps

there's someone less angry don't

interrupt me you pass but if you just

pass this got you here good you're an

excellent driver now

go get your driver's license before i

change my mind

before i called up

i'm street legal

that was the most fun driving test i've

ever given so uh where do i pick up my

driver's license you don't

oh carly seriously uh what do i pick it

up

drake i'm sorry but i can't pass you

why not

well let's see

you ran four stop signs two red lights

drove on the sidewalk rear-ended a fire

truck

oh and you almost ran over an old lady

in a wheelchair

she was hogging the lane

right you're a great kid bad driver

anyway call me i'd love to hear your

band play

dad you owe me 375 for that combo meal

what does that matter with you why are

you trying to k*ll a bird don't you run

from me i'm gonna get you

[Music]

[Applause]

hey will you drive me to soccer practice

you know i didn't get my driver's

license yeah i just love making you say

it

hey drake later will you drive me to the

and he's back with the groceries thanks

josh oh don't thank me i loved it hey

later i'll go to the drugstore and pick

up your ointment

do you have to say that out loud

go ahead tell me how great it is having

your driver's license

it's not all that

you know uh

traffic paying for gas trying to squeeze

into those spaces that are just so i

love it so much i can't stand it

congratulations hey come on i'll drive

us to go get some pizza nah i'm not

hungry

neither am i now let's go get some pizza

why

because we can

to the josh moby

[Applause]

man i cannot believe that you got your

driver's license and i didn't

drake you can't coach through life on

good looks charm and cool

okay you can

it's not gonna get you everything

stop sign huh

you just drove through a stop sign

no i didn't

yeah you did

if there was a stop sign there don't you

think i'd know it

you know it now oh jeez

you

hi

may i please see your license

registration all right i didn't do

anything what i do i didn't do anything

like make out

please step out of the vehicle

[Music]

i have the right to remain silent

anything i say can and will be used

against me

son just stand up

what'd i do

you ran a stop sign at that last

intersection now let me have your

driver's license

wait here

got a little dirt on your shirt there i

have a stain stick at

what if he gives me a ticket you heard

what dad said he'll confiscate my

license

well well i read somewhere about this

one guy in phoenix who got out of a

traffic ticket by faking a heart att*ck

oh i don't believe that why not you

don't read

well your record comes up clean

thank you but i'm gonna have to give you

a ticket for running the stop sign

oh my heart oh the bacon i think i'm

having it

episode

[Applause]

give this to him when he stops faking

that heart att*ck

will do

[Music]

[Applause]

one day i have my license one day and

already i get a ticket and you know what

dad's gonna do

bye-bye driver's license i might as well

just rip it up now

dude you gotta start lifting weights or

something

i'm gonna miss driving i can't go back

to my bike the seat hurts my bottom

josh dad won't take away your license if

he doesn't find out about the ticket so

just don't tell him but how do i pay for

the ticket what about your savings oh i

blew it all in that lame tanning bed

that never worked

stupid broken heating element

tell you what i'll pay the ticket and

you just pay me back when you can really

oh thanks drake you're really saving my

butt on this one

how strict saving your butt

oh

i didn't say saving my butt

i said

shaving

my

i think you're lying to me

i think you did something

something bad

and i'm gonna find out what it is

look here's the uh money for the ticket

oh thank you so much drake hey if

there's anything you want anything um

really actually i wouldn't mind going to

get the zero gravity cd drive me to the

mall no prob

to the josh movie

you gotta stop saying that

i know

[Music]

sorry was i gone long just an hour and

ten minutes i thought you were buying

one cd i did only buy one cd

and a new pair of sneakers some guitar

strings and oh look a japanese fighting

fish

you went to the pet store yeah i got you

something

want me a chew toy

yeah squeaks

thanks

now let's get home we've got a lot of

homework today hey do you mind if we

stop by trevor's house

why

he got that growth removed from his back

so

so he's got it in a jar let's go

no i gotta get home

okay

i guess i just thought you'd be a little

nicer to me since i

paid for your traffic ticket uh but

whatever

which way does trevor live

take a left up at the light

stop sign

[Applause]

kidding

[Applause]

josh

you awake

josh

oh good you're up here let's go get some

tacos you drive

what

it's 3 a.m

yeah i like to call it the uh

taco hour

go make some we have taco stuff in the

kitchen

yeah but shay taco's only a few miles

away come on just give me a ride no i

will not drive into the night on some

mexican adventure

okay i just thought that a corn shell

full of beef and cheese would be a small

reward for i don't know helping you keep

your driver's license

okay

that's it

stop dropping guilt bombs on

i won't have it you hear me oh i hear

you and maybe dad's gonna hear me when i

tell him that you ran a stop sign and

got a pretty little traffic ticket what

do you say to that i say

it's taco time

[Music]

hey josh

it's a diaper stuck to the wall in the

bathroom

help me scrape it off

no

i'm off today i'm not working till

tomorrow okay i'll leave it till then

thanks for the movie drake call me

hey josh you uh ready to drive me home

i've been ready for a half hour

fine let's go

or let's stay

excuse me

sorry i i couldn't help notice you are

way too pretty to not know me

well we should try and fix that

shouldn't we drake parker denise woods

uh so have i seen you around school i

don't know carnegie has such a big

campus

oh carnegie college yeah what'd you

think i meant high school no high school

yeah i remember those days

yeah good times

so um do you go to carnegie oh no i i go

to uh

smart and housing state

oh

where's marvin housen

you know

over there

so you want to go out sometime

i'm free tomorrow night oh so am i pick

me up at eight uh yeah yeah yeah i'll

i'll pick you up

in a car

or or hey hey why don't i have my driver

take us you have a driver yeah father

insists

his his name's chives

well then i will see you and chives

yes you will

what

nothing

chives

i got it off

this is really cool i've never had a

driver before uh you get used to it uh

just pretend he's not here

should i pretend i can't hear you

chives your tone

so chives how long have you worked for

drake's family

much too long

no i'm just joking that's our chives

full of mischief

here we're at the restaurant

aren't you forgetting to open our doors

you're pushing it

come on denise

what so i'm just supposed to sit here

while you guys see

why are you hungry

uh i wouldn't mind a chopped salad maybe

with a little chicken some garbanzo

beans or mozzarella

and now i'm alone

[Music]

that was one of the best dinners i've

ever had

hey how about we take a nice romantic

drive along the beach

chives you heard the lady

forget it

i'm exhausted and the beach is like a

half hour away

20 minutes if you step on it

and chives please put your cap back on

no i will not put the cap back on it

squeezes my head

sassy

chives

do i need to have a talk with father

about the ticket you received

yeah yeah

wow he is a really bad chauffeur

i am not a chauffeur i'm his brother

chives stop calling me chives i'm not

even sure chives is a real name and if

you want to go to the beach so bad

you drive

fine i will

denise you just relax

cops

oh sweet sweet karma

son you know you have a taillight out

yeah stick it to him copper

may i see your driver's license please

god

yeah about that oh go ahead and tell him

drake tell him how you don't have a

driver's license

you don't have your license no he does

that's why i had to drive you around all

night

wait so you were driving this car

yeah

what you have a tail light out

afraid i'm gonna have to give you a

ticket son

no sir

you're going to have to give me two

tickets what for

well

one for the faulty taillight

and one

for that

hey you want to hear my cd yeah sure

okay take the wheel

[Music]

why aren't you parallel parking who am i

supposed to

parallel park parking and cut this ass

sorry

hello oh hi trevor

no i don't want to see your growth

then i don't care if it's still growing

put it back in the jar

you