[cell phone ringing]
DECEMBER ND
[cell phone ringing]
[Jørgunn]
You know you have missed calls?
And all of them from Henrik.
Did she actually dance in a yarn bikini?
♪ …who there!
Who is it stopping for a visit? ♪
That must chafe.
And it happened, like,
seconds after we had our big blowout,
so I really don't get the timeline here.
Did he, like, bring her
straight back to his place
for some hot cocoa,
knitting, and f*cking? I mean… [sighs]
So absurd. [scoffs]
I hope he gets chlamydia.
Hey, maybe that's the chick's name.
The yarn lady.
Chlamydia.
- [Jørgunn laughing]
- [Johanne groans]
I swear I would have laughed
if I wasn't so upset. [sighs]
But all this simply means
Henrik isn't your prairie mouse.
My what mouse?
Prairie mouse.
They're, like, the kings of monogamy.
They find one partner,
and then they stay together forever.
Yeah, Henrik's the opposite.
He's a fuckweasel or something.
I'm going to the store.
Want anything? Those chocolate trolls?
Yeah, no thanks. I've had more than
my share of trolls lately. I'm good.
Also, Mom left Dad.
- What?
- Hmm.
But they were prairie mice
with each other. They have to be.
I mean, they were so prairie mice, right?
- I hope so. [sighs]
- [cell phone ringing]
- Ugh, just no.
- [cell phone ringing]
[Jørgunn] Morten.
Oh, Morten.
Hi, Morten.
What do you mean, "not answering"?
So what's up?
[Tor] The generator.
It's not working anymore.
[grunts] It's given up.
[grunts] I thought I could
manage to daisy-chain
all the different lights on the reindeer
to make them blink together, you know?
Maybe get them to flash in time
to the b*at of the music. [sniffs]
- The music?
- Hmm.
Yeah. [clears throat]
It got too cold for it to play anything.
Have you talked to Mom since?
[sighs]
I have to finish this.
- Dad, stop. We can fix this.
- No, I have to...
- Let's go in and get you a warm drink.
- [Tor] No.
Hey, Pop, uh, the national
ski-jump championship's on.
The big hill?
[chuckles softly] Yeah, I think so.
[Tor]
I ski jumped in Odensbacken, you know.
[Morten] Didn't you jump in Zakopane, too?
Yes. If only I hadn't taken that fall
during the Junior European Cup in ' .
f*cking Parmaharju.
[Johanne] Parma-what?
[Tor] Parmaharju in Finland.
That there is a beast of a hill.
Yeah, when I think about it,
I think I heard this before.
Around times, maybe.
- You want something to eat, Pop?
- Yes. I guess I'm a bit hungry.
[Tor] Wasn't there ski jumping on?
[Morten] No batteries in the remote.
- [Tor sighs]
- [reporter speaking on TV]
There you go. That's it.
You're in the…
- You're blocking my view.
- Yeah.
That was how I met your mom.
That's how you met her?
Wasn't it at the welfare office?
[sighs] True.
When I was applying for welfare
after the back injury from the fall in…
- Parm…
- Parmaharju.
- Parmaharju.
- Yeah.
Yeah, she was a caseworker there.
A youngin straight out of school.
That was her very first case. My case.
[sighs]
Me.
Hey.
We should just skip Christmas this year.
I mean, now that Mom isn't here.
No. I promised you
I'd do all that this year.
It'll be a Christmas celebration
with pork and...
I appreciate it,
but don't make all that fuss, honey.
It's good that you have Henrik, Johanne.
- Spend Christmas with him.
- Hmm.
You have to take care of each other.
[Morten] Dad, you have no food here.
The fridge is empty.
[Tor] I know, I know. I just haven't
had time to go to the store. [slurping]
- [Morten] That's okay. We'll go for you.
- Yeah.
[Morten] Stay there
and relax with ski jumping.
[Tor sighs] Okay.
- [Morten] Anything special you want?
- [Tor] No, no, you decide.
Ooh, dates! Get some dates, please.
[Johanne] Dates, dates, dates.
Dating, daters, dates. Dates…
Where are the dates?
Do they have dates?
Are those dates?
[Morten] Those are prunes.
Figs.
- Dates.
- [Johanne] Dates.
But what even is the point of dates?
[Morten] They're Christmas snacks.
'Cause we don't eat them
the rest of the year?
Jesus ate dates, you know.
Oh, yeah.
So it's kind of a Biblical fruit?
Technically, it's a berry.
What? Why?
For one, they have seeds in them.
- Do you think Mom will come back?
- Absolutely.
But, uh, where's Henrik?
We're on a break.
A break?
- It's over.
- A break or breakup?
It's over. But can we keep the hell
away from this subject right now?
- Later, then?
- Later.
Can't push everything till later.
- Shut your face.
- Yep.
I just can't get over the fact
that she went to m*therf*cking Paris
with f*cking Bengt-Erik…
whatever, Løvskog.
It's unfair to run off like that, but…
but then again, in a way, it's not.
Forty years she's done everything for Dad.
And us, too.
He wasn't the one who folded our clothes,
made lunches and Christmas dinners,
or just dinner in general, you know?
Dad made dinner, too, sometimes.
Like what? Sausage stew?
Those fried sausages he cut up
with scissors and heated in tomato paste?
[both chuckle]
- It's the only dish he knows how to make.
- Yeah.
And he'll make it Christmas Eve
if we do nothing.
I'm doing something, remember?
We're all having Christmas at my place.
- Oh, so you actually meant that?
- Yeah, of course.
Yeah, you know how to get
the pork flank all crispy?
Duh. Yeah, of course I know.
Uh-huh, are you sure?
- I could Google it.
- [chuckles] Yes, you can.
YARN
[Morten] Are you buying yarn?
Johanne. What's up?
Are you buying yarn?
- Johanne?
- Hmm?
No, I'm not getting yarn.
I'm getting… Later.
Hi, Mom, could you call me?
I'm trying to get a hold of you.
Things are happening here,
and Dad's upset, and I…
[sighing] Anyway, um… Call me.
WANT TO EXPLAIN. CALL ME. HENRIK
[sniffling]
[footsteps approaching]
- Hi, there.
- [Johanne] Hi.
- [Nick] Hey.
- [Noëlle] Hi.
- Everything good?
- Yeah, no, ugh… [sniffles]
- [keys fumbling]
- [chuckles nervously]
- You can't open it?
- [Noëlle] Come on, Dad.
- I can't see what I'm doing, I just…
- Hmm?
It's running down my face
so I can't see what's in front of me!
Yeah, okay, sorry.
No, I'm the one who's sorry.
Sorry. I'm sorry.
I really am. [sniffles]
I'm just… uh… emotional lately.
[Nick] No worries, really.
- And there's this thing with my parents…
- Yeah, I get it.
- [sighs] I just don't understand men.
- No?
- You're a man, right?
- Yep.
Yeah, so then you're an expert in this.
Well…
So what's the deal with guys
having sex with a new girl,
like, seconds
after you guys break up?
And not even a breakup.
You're just on a break.
So basically cheating, then?
Yeah, but that's before you even break up.
Having sex with someone immediately
after it's over is actually crappier.
Uh, what? How so?
Well, it's a matter of respect. But also
because you're supposed to be sad.
Yeah.
Yeah, uh… I mean, weren't you devastated
when things ended between you and your...
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely, sure.
Right, and…
did you have sex right afterwards?
No, uh…
Yeah, but who ended things?
Neither of us did. [clears throat]
No one?
No, she d*ed in childbirth.
Oh, uh…
My condolences.
Or… I don't know why we say that.
Uh, it's a stupid word.
No, no, it's all good.
Listen, "condolences" actually means
"I feel your pain."
So when you think of it,
it's a beautiful word.
- [both chuckle softly]
- So that's completely fine.
Plus, it's been years. [clears throat]
But I gotta say, after years
without a girlfriend, you kinda…
[chuckles nervously]
You haven't had a girlfriend in years?
- No.
- Are you kidding?
I'm not kidding. Cross my heart
and, uh, hope to die, and all that stuff.
[both chuckle softly]
So… But, uh… [clears throat]
Thing is,
I'm not really good at, you know…
flirting and… women, and, um…
Um, yeah, picking them up,
and… the whole sex thing.
Plus, I really don't think
Noëlle, my daughter…
would appreciate it if I got a girlfriend
and she, um… [clears throat]
I don't think she'd like it if someone
came between us, I mean…
- I don't know. You sure about that?
- Pretty sure.
But hey, I wanna apologize again
for being completely deranged.
- [chuckles softly]
- It wasn't you. That was all me.
- That's totally fine.
- [chuckles softly]
- Okay.
- Yeah.
Hey. You're welcome
to come hang with us anytime, okay?
- Okay.
- Okay.
- Awesome. Okay. Thanks so much.
- Take care.
- See you.
- See you.
- [door closes]
- [cell phone ringing]
- [call ends]
- [sighs]
[cell phone ringing]
DECEMBER RD
[Johanne] Ugh.
[cell phone ringing]
- Henrik?
- Yeah.
- And you still haven't talked to him?
- No way.
But I know he's been here.
I found a note on the door last night,
but I really don't wanna talk to him.
No, I totally understand.
I've been having these revenge fantasies.
What kind of revenge?
Well, I mean,
they haven't crystallized just yet,
but, um, I'm having, like,
revenge grumbling in my stomach.
- Hmm, I get it.
- Hmm.
- But, you know…
- Yeah?
There's something I need to say
that I absolutely shouldn't say right now
because my timing is abysmal,
but it's happening soon
so I can't wait any longer,
plus the longer I wait, the more it just…
- [sighs]
- Okay…
Since me and Raul are getting married,
of course we want to be together.
[Johanne] Mm.
And he's gotten work,
well, at this circus in Madrid.
[gasps softly]
But I mean, that's… that's fantastic!
I mean… Yeah, that's, uh, all right
that you're, uh… It's only natural, yeah.
Uh…
I'm really happy… happy for you guys.
[scoffs] "Really happy." Clearly.
But, um, wait. Do you have to move, then?
Yeah. I'm moving.
Okay.
[sniffs]
[sniffling]
[voice cracking] Sorry, um…
I'm sure you'll have
a great time together.
- You're both prairie mice.
- [chuckles softly]
But I'll help you
find a replacement roomie, okay?
Someone way better than me.
You know, Raul has this friend.
He's a trapeze artist, actually.
- And he's very pretty.
- Yeah.
Wonderful. Can't wait to live it up
with Mr. Cirque du Soleil. [sniffles]
[doorbell buzzes]
sh*t. It's Henrik.
Should I open it?
No, uh…
I'll deal with this myself. I have to
"clean this mess up," as they say.
Okay, just don't resort to v*olence.
You swear?
I can't swear to anything.
Henrik called me.
What? You, too?
Are you crying?
I'm not. It's not because of…
Not 'cause of that f*cking assh*le.
Listen.
We're young and beautiful,
and apparently, we're both single.
Let's go out.
- Hi!
- Hey.
[Jeanette] Want to go out with us?
I'm meeting Raul,
but I'll definitely take a rain check.
Mmm-hmm. Yeah. Shall we go?
- Now?
- Mmm-hmm.
Hairdresser first. Then we'll drink.
Hairdresser?
I just got a haircut last week.
Not that kind of hairdresser.
[upbeat Christmas music playing]
[exhales]
- [shouts] Ouch!
- Atta girl. Cheers.
[groans] Ow! Right, cheers. sh*t, man!
[woman] Can you try to scooch
your little kitty-cat up just a smidge?
- Kitty-cat?
- [woman] Yes.
That's her name now.
- [Johanne] Okay…
- [woman] Mmm-hmm.
I'm giving everyone a name
to make them easier to keep them straight.
Plus, they each have such
different and distinct personalities.
- Oh, seriously?
- [woman] Mmm-hmm.
Always respect everyone's private parts.
And naming it… makes the whole affair
a bit more ceremonial.
Hmm. Does yours have a name?
Ronny Johansen.
- Ronny Johansen? [chuckles] Why?
- Yeah.
That's a long story.
When you're baptized, you're baptized.
[shouts] Ouch! Mother father!
- [blowing]
- [Johanne] Ouch, ouch, ouch.
[groans] Why the hell
did I ever say "yes" to this?
Hey, you're making a power statement.
You're taking your body back.
Plus, let me tell you,
sex is even better after a wax.
No way, I'm not having any sex now.
No, but I'm serious.
You gotta find yourself some revenge guy
that makes Henrik look like a total loser.
- [Johanne] Hmm.
- A fireman or something.
- Yeah, but Henrik's a doctor, though.
- Yeah, exactly.
- So a fireman's better than a doctor?
- Hundred percent, yeah.
[exclaims] Freaking dumb, dumb beaver!
Sorry. But beauty is pain,
my dear, as they say.
[Johanne groans] Yeah.
- [exhales]
- You're starting to gray down here.
[cell phone ringing]
- Gray? Like gray hairs?
- [woman] Mmm-hmm.
- What?
- [woman] Right there.
- Where?
- [woman] Right over there.
- No way.
- Hi, my darlings.
- Oh, there!
- Hi!
- [woman] Happens to everyone.
- Are you all headed to bed?
Okay, but what does that mean?
It'll be gray all over?
Want me to sing you a lullaby?
It happens to the best of us.
Oh, my God.
[shouts] Ouch! My Hufflepuff! Ouch!
I can't get over the fact
my kitty-cat's going gray.
No.
"No" what?
Do you have gray hairs down there?
No. Ronny Johansen
is a totally gray-free zone.
- Hmm.
- Yeah.
But seriously, Johanne,
it's important for you to find someone.
- Before your eggs rot.
- "Rot"? What do you mean?
- You don't want rotten eggs.
- Oh, sh*t.
I'm not ready for rotten eggs.
- [Jeanette] Mm-hmm.
- Mm-hmm.
[Jeanette] Okay. Strut, strut.
And sexy, sexy, sexy.
[both laugh]
[dance music playing]
Girl, tonight,
you're just gonna f*cking chill.
Just go where the evening takes you.
You know what they say,
"Live now, you can…" You… Yeah.
- Huh?
- You know what I mean. Grab life by…
- Okay, okay!
- By the balls!
Live today!
Two gin and tonics.
Hey, no. Just a beer for me.
Nah. Today is, uh,
International Booze Day.
There's no such thing. You made that up.
- Now there is.
- Okay!
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [both chuckle]
- Cheers!
- Cheers!
["We're Coming Up" by Julie Bergan]
♪ We live in the mezzanine ♪
♪ And still you're looking down on me ♪
♪ We're coming up ♪
♪ Make way for us ♪
♪ On top of everything,
And you're beneath my energy ♪
♪ We're coming up ♪
[upbeat music playing]
Hey!
So, do you have any moves?
- Moves?
- Yep.
- Like dancing?
- Yeah.
- Uh, I'm not a fan of dancing.
- Ah.
How about you?
Oh, I can lay down some moves, yeah.
There's this guy. How's that for you?
- Good!
- Thanks. [giggles]
And this. Ah!
Uh…
Uh, yeah, okay.
- See you.
- Yeah, will do. That's great. [sighs]
Excuse me. Can I have a Fernet?
[bartender] Yeah.
[indistinct chatter]
- [man] Hi.
- [grunts]
A beer.
May I have another one? Thanks.
Fun night?
Yeah, it's okay. And your night?
Can't complain. It's, uh, not too bad.
I tried something today
I've never done before.
That's great.
I think that's healthy. Good for you.
Yeah.
What did you try today?
[chuckles softly]
Mmm, uh, I tried one of those Brazilians.
- Hmm?
- You know, like, um…
When you groom your, uh, your lady bits.
You don't say.
- [chuckles]
- Yeah.
- Right.
So when you say "right," like…
What are you trying to say?
I'm just not that crazy about all the fuss
around grooming your privates and stuff.
It's just an old-fashioned stigma
about the female body
perpetuated by chauvinists
who hate women.
It's kind of a f*cked up
patriarchal tyranny over the female body
I just can't get behind.
Okay. Yeah, but actually,
I chose it for myself, so…
- Mmm…
- Yeah.
But did you really?
Or have women just internalized
the experience of the male gaze?
I just think it's unfair
that women are pushed into
a gender stereotypical pattern.
The point is…
that you are you, and you are good enough.
Remember that.
- And good luck. Hmm.
- Yeah.
[groans]
I'm gonna need one more.
[woman] Yeah! Oh, this is my song!
This is my jam!
Hi.
You! Hey, I need to ask you a question.
I was just given a feminist lecture
by some mansplaining, PC,
old cactus of a personality.
And I wonder…
Do I seem more preoccupied
with external stuff,
versus internal qualities
and all that crap?
- [man] Um…
- Don't hold back on me now!
Give me a second!
I was just a little surprised.
I don't have enough info
to give you an opinion
on your external and internal life,
based solely
on this three-second conversation.
Yeah, well, I'm an independent feminist.
And a pretty strong one, if I say
so myself. And I do say so myself.
Sure. I don't doubt that for a second.
Let's introduce ourselves. I'm Dagfinn.
Johanne. Nice to meet you.
[both chuckle]
I think you're pretty great,
internally speaking, of course.
[chuckles]
Finally, someone who likes
and accepts me for who I am.
[chuckles] My pleasure. I'm gonna go buy
another beer. You want one?
What did you say to me?
I just asked if I could
buy you a beer or not.
- Oh, so you went there, then.
- "There"?
Yeah, there. All of that.
Like I can't possibly afford to buy
my own drinks 'cause I'm just a dumb girl.
Okay. All right.
I think you misunderstood me.
I was just being nice, but…
Huh? What?
No. No, dude!
Dude!
Dude!
[Disco version of "Jingle Bells" playing]
[moaning and chuckling]
Hey, there. How's your weekend looking?
Well, it's looking… pretty nice.
How about yours?
Oh, man, it's going
mother-flippin' awesome.
Yeah, yeah, I can see that.
Can I just say, you seem like
one hell of a nice guy. Like, oh, my God.
Sorry, I didn't catch that.
I said, you seem like
a really great f*cking dude.
A dude who's really real and stuff.
[indistinct chatter and laughter]
Okay. Bye, bye.
[music continues]
[groaning]
[music ends]
[grunts]
[laughing]
[unzips pants]
[squeals]
[urinating]
Oh, my God.
[moans]
[chuckles]
[moans]
[exhales]
- Yes.
- [continues urinating]
[Henrik] Johanne?
[continues urinating]
Are you seriously sitting here
pissing in my booth?
Sorry, I…[continues urinating]
["Good Choices" by Astrid S playing]
♪ I really wanna make good choices ♪
♪ But I keep messing up over and over ♪
♪ And some days I swear ♪
♪ It's like trouble
Keeps calling my name ♪
♪ Sayin' ♪
♪ Maybe I should stay out late ♪
♪ When I know I'm up at eight ♪
♪ Order things that I can't pay for ♪
♪ Oh, I wish I'd walk away more ♪
♪ Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh
Wake up and try to be someone… ♪