01x01 - Land of Enchantment

[bunniefuu]

[FERNANDO] Well, first I had one job,

then she got diagnosed last year.

I then had to get two jobs.

I pay for her care and myself
at the same time.

But now... nothing.

A day here, a day there...
[SCOFFS] but no work.

No work.

I mean, I email my resume,
but I don't hear back.

And if I do get an interview,

walk through the door,
they take one look at me...

and, yeah.

[ASHER] I'm sorry. I...

I can't imagine how hard
that's been for you.

Our hearts go out to you,
both, both our hearts.

Thank you.

How long has it been?

That you've been looking for work?

[FERNANDO] It's been about nine months.

Jesus.

Actually, can we not use me
saying "Jesus"?

I, I, I don't wanna...

I just wanna say a different response.

[DOUGIE] You're good. It's fine.

- [ASHER] Uh-huh.
- Just keep going.

[ASHER] Okay.

So, we actually come
with some positive news.

We shared your story with
the owners of Barrier Coffee,

which is opening this week,

and they have decided to offer you

a full-time position.

That's amazing. Thank you, guys.

Thank you.

You're welcome. [CHUCKLES]

[DOUGIE] Happy... [SPEAKING SPANISH]

Mommy, happy! Your son has a job, right?

[ISABEL] Yeah.

So, and it's such a good job.

And you understand, your son, Fernando,

he just got a good new job.

He's gonna make money. Mucho dinero!

- Yeah.
- Yes?

- Yes, yes, okay.
- Yes.

He can pay for the cancer.

- Mm-hmm.
- Mm-hmm.

Yes, okay. Yes.

Um, Fernando, can you tell your mom?

Because I don't think she,
she understands.

She looks very upset
that you got the job

and that doesn't make any sense.

[STAMMERS] It's okay. She's doing great.

- You're doing great.
- I think she's happy.

- It's just how she expresses it.
- Yeah.

- Yeah.
- Um, is it okay

if I put some water in her eyes?

You wanna put water on her eyes?

Yes. [SPEAKING SPANISH]

Yes. [SPEAKING SPANISH]

Okay. Yes, okay.

I'm gonna get fresh water, not yucky.

- [ISABEL] Okay.
- Backwashed stuff, okay? Great.

[ASHER] Let's get her straight.

[DOUGIE] It's all right. Yeah.

- Hey, man.
- Yeah.

Yeah, I think she looks happy enough.

I know. It's just a little water.

Standard stuff, just an option.

- She's, she's dying.
- I know, sad.

You're doing great by the way.

Yeah.

[WHITNEY] Yeah. I know. Right now...

[DOUGIE] Okay. So...

He just wants that he has the option.

- He says it's standard.
- Yes, it's cancer.

Okay. My aunt had cancer.

That's it.

Very, very difficult disease. Head back.

Very difficult.

You know, you had to be very
tough and you're a tough woman.

There we go, that's great.

Great. You know, she was
in remission for 10 years.

Okay.

There you go, just a little
bit more, yes.

Ten years and then one day,

out of nowhere, just bam, it
came back like a ton of bricks.

Okay. There we go.

Just a little more.

No, that's enough.

- That's enough.
- Oh, okay. Okay.

- That's enough, Dougie.
- Okay.

- That's enough.
- All right.

And then I'm just gonna do
a little bit of the menthol

because it makes the eyes red.

- It looks realistic. [BLOWS]
- I don't think...

- I, I...
- [WHITNEY] I think that's fine.

- That's fine.
- [DOUGIE] We're good. I'm done.

- [WHITNEY] Okay. All right.
- I'm done.

Amazing work, okay?

- [WHITNEY] Great.
- Let's just make sure we're...

we get this before
the water dries, all right?

[WHITNEY] Okay. It's
a little TV magic for you.

- [WHITNEY CHUCKLES]
- [ASHER] Yay.

You're a movie star.

Looks like you're crying for real.

- Yeah. Estrella de cine.
- Yes.

It does look like you're crying.

Now, wipe away the tears.

So happy. Limpiar.
Your, your son has the job.

[DOUGIE] Great.

And okay now, Fernando,
look at your mom,

look, look in her eyes
and say, "I love you".

♪ ♪

"I can pay for your treatment now".

[FERNANDO] I can pay for your treatment.

[SPEAKING SPANISH, FAINTLY]

[DOUGIE] So sweet.

[♪ MYSTICAL MUSIC ♪]

[ASHER] It's okay.

[WHITNEY] I don't care what standard

or how reality shows get made.

That was disgusting and disgraceful.

[ASHER] I, I know.

[WHITNEY] If he keeps
doing sh*t like that,

I'm not making this show anymore, okay?

You do not treat people that way.

[ASHER] We... we have to trust
that he knows what he's doing.

HGTV trusts him.

We trust HGTV, right?

[WHITNEY] No, we're not HGTV.

We don't share those values.

[ASHER] Okay. I, I know.

It won't be like this anymore.

We should figure out
how to make this work.

Trust me, okay?

♪ ♪

Yeah, I love my house.

- You love it? Good.
- [ELIZABETH] Beautiful.

- You do?
- It's very...

It's better than... better
than your last place?

I miss, still, my last place,
but I love this place a lot.

- [ASHER] Mm-hmm.
- [WHITNEY] Oh, good.

The utmost priority for Asher and I

is to take care of our
local Española community.

So we know that the rent here
is a little bit higher

than at your last place.

And so, we have worked out
a deal with Diego,

with your landlord,

that Asher and I will be
using some of our money

to subsidize the rent

to make sure that you're always covered

and you don't need to pay any more

than what you used to pay.

- Okay. Thank you, guys.
- [ASHER] Yeah.

Really appreciate it.

I'm so happy that I still
could live in Española

and my rent is still gonna be the same.

All right, Elizabeth.

[ELIZABETH] Okay. Well, see you, guys.

- Oh, we'll see you soon.
- See you.

[WHITNEY] All my invisible
homes are net-zero structures,

meaning the amount of energy
used by the home

is equal to the amount
of energy created on site.

Using technology developed

right in our backyard in Los Alamos,

the reflective glass design is laminated

with a photovoltaic profile

which captures
the reflection of the light

and transforms it into energy.

And every one of our homes is certified

by the Passive House Society in Germany,

the gold standard for eco-living.

So when we first discovered
this property,

it was painful how much
energy waste there was.

We're talking weak insulation.

So, during the summer months,

you had to blast the A/C
all day to keep this place cool.

But now, as a passive home,
that's not necessary.

You're right, Whitney.

One of the primary goals is
to eliminate thermal bridging,

which are areas where heat
escapes from the house.

Those are your windows,
your basements, your attic.

What you end up with is a home

that's kind of like a Thermos

that maintains a consistent and
comfortable temperature inside,

while the air is kept healthy
using heat recovery ventilation.

Mm-hmm.

And all that without sacrificing design.

[WHITNEY] People say all the time,

"But a passive home
can't have a fireplace".

And there it is. [LAUGHS]

It's fully insulated,
so you don't get much heat,

but it looks great.

Well, the heat's not necessary

because the temperature in
this place is always just right.

And your viewers should be aware

you don't need a mirrored
exterior to be a passive house.

But it is a lovely touch.

[DOUGIE] So I'm watching this,
and this sh*t sucks.

All right? It's boring.

Really boring.

I'm watching a guy talk
about air for four minutes.

You gotta help me out.

You know this stuff's important to us.

All right. I'm talking as a friend.

All right, we have a chance

to make something really, really good,

like way beyond HGTV,
breakout hit kind of stuff.

But it's feeling like an infomercial.

So, just work with me a little, like...

all right, in the coffee shop,
all right?

When we get started,

just look at Whitney,
and just roll your eyes

and say, "Ugh, you're being so uptight".

And we'll get a camera right on her face

getting her reaction.

I'm not gonna say that.

All right, all right.
Hey, wait, wait, wait.

Ashman, Ashman, come here.

Matched your mom last night.

[SCOFFS]

[LAUGHS] All right.
You do your thing, all right?

Three, two, one.

[APPLAUSE]

[TODD] We couldn't be more proud
to be a part of this community.

Thank you for welcoming us.

Enjoy a free Barrier Coffee
on the house.

[APPLAUSE]

I mean, don't get me wrong.

We, we love Santa Fe.

We just... we love Española
a little better.

And to be even a... a small part

in bringing much deserved
attention to it is,

is just... it's magical.

And I see I'm not the only one
with a camera crew here today.

Yes! [LAUGHS] Yes.

We are here filming the pilot
episode of our new show,

which is kind of about our...
our holistic home philosophy

on steroids. But good steroids.

Um, it... the show
is called "Fliplanthropy".

And this isn't your typical
"home flipping" show

where everything's
about making a profit.

It... it documents Asher and I

in our efforts
to conscientiously rejuvenate

distressed homes in a way
that has a net-positive impact

on communities as a whole.

And we're husband and wife,

- so what could go wrong?
- [BOTH CHUCKLE]

How long have you guys been married?

Oh, just a year.

"Just"? Does that imply
there's still time

to change your mind?

Well, if you're giving me
the option... [LAUGHS]

♪ I can't wait to see you again ♪

♪ And holding on to be back when... ♪

♪ You used to come with... ♪

Although there's a lot of excitement,

there seems to be
an equal dose of apprehension

amongst the locals who I've spoken with.

Rent is already increasing
as interest grows in the area.

So, what would you two say
to those in Española

who are concerned about gentrification?

That's a great and important
question, Monica.

No one's more concerned
about the G-word than us.

But we really believe
that gentrification

doesn't have to be a game
of winners and losers.

And that's sort of why we're here today.

We understand that the price point

of carbon-neutral living is still higher

than many people can afford,

and the influx of eco-conscious buyers

can push rent up and
displace current residents.

But unlike other home developers
that you might see on TV,

rather than ignoring residents

that might be displaced by our actions,

we use a portion of each home
sale to subsidize local rent.

Take for example lifelong
resident Fernando Castillo.

His mother was facing, uh, eviction

because of a rent increase.

And not only did we help
to keep her housing affordable,

but we actually arranged
a full-time job for Fernando

at the coffee house right behind us.

[MONICA] Affordable housing,

so would this initiative include
any of your parents' buildings?

My family has no buildings in Española,

and I'm... I'm not affiliated
with that company in any way.

Exactly, Whitney.

These new shops behind me
are all eco-friendly brands

committed to helping Española thrive.

And we couldn't be more excited
about this collaboration.

Joining the Española Passive
Living Office,

which we also use
to showcase local artists,

Barrier Coffee and Iosheka Jeans
have all committed

to hiring staff exclusively
from the Española community.

So, while affordability
may be decreasing,

opportunities are rising.

We are trying to offset
the negative impacts of change

by creating a sustainable
ecosystem of sorts,

one where there are no losers.

[MONICA] Oh, so everybody's
a winner here?

Everybody's a winner.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

I just wanna go back
to your family, Whitney.

Do you think that they're...

Why are we going back to
her family? She answered that.

Let's move on.

- Yes.
- [LAUGHS]

- Yeah.
- But the Bookends Building

has been referred to
by residents as "Hell on Earth",

and in fact, in 2020,

the Santa Fe reporter called
your parents slumlords

because of their ruthless
approach to evictions.

So, I'm just wondering
if your holistic approach

would extend to that community as well?

Our focus is on Española.

I see.

Have you thought about potentially

talking to your parents,
though, about how maybe they...

We're here to talk about us today, okay?

- Ash.
- Okay.

What do your parents do?

Just curious, what do they do?

My mom's a nurse and my dad
actually abandoned us

when I was really young,

so I don't know what
he's doing right now.

I'm so sorry about your father.

That must have been very challenging.

How would you feel if I asked you,

uh, about your father and
kept asking more about that?

Huh? I'm not going to,
but I'm making a point.

You're not him, right?
You're your own woman.

You're smart, you're intelligent,

you're beautiful, you're your own woman.

And so are we.

We're the Siegels.

We're not slumlords.

So let's talk about us, okay?

Look at me when I'm talking
to you, okay?

Don't look at her.

I'm... I'm the one talking,

so you should look at me

because when you don't look at me,

it makes me feel like
you're not listening

and not registering
the things that I'm saying.

It's just common courtesy.

It's a little rude to do.

But, um...

[SIGHS]

we're here to talk...

we're just talking and this is great,

and we're talking about the community,

and we're here for the community today

and that's just so exciting and
that's what... that's the point.

So, let's continue.

Mm-hmm.

[MONICA] All right. Um...

You know, I think we're good.

I think we have everything.

Thank you guys so much.

You can actually go ahead
and start taking the mics off.

Yeah. Thank you.

Oh, thank you so much.

[CHUCKLES] Great.

Thank you. I got it.

Thank you.

You're good.

Goodbye.

That was a sneak att*ck.

She said nothing about your parents

when I reached out to her.

That was awful.

You were so aggressive.

We can't... we can't have that air.

What do we say?

It's like, you tell a reporter
not to air something.

And that, that becomes the story,

that becomes part of...

There's, there's nothing on
Google that ties me to them,

and now this is the first thing
that's gonna come up.

This is... we have nothing to do
with their business.

Hi. So, we've got coffee,
cookies, and croissants today.

You get a free drip coffee
with your voucher there

and any pour-over is extra, though.

[SPEAKING SPANISH]

Uh, yeah. So that
gets you a drip coffee.

- Yeah, coffee.
- Yeah.

Cool.

[WHITNEY] What if we
offered her something else?

[ASHER] Like what do you mean?

[INDISTINCT]

Like you're always complaining
about the gaming board.

Yeah.

You know? And maybe this is your chance

to do something about it.

Like offer her that story
as like a trade?

Fifteen minutes.

Oh, yeah.

[CHUCKLES] You know,
yeah, you're a star.

[LAUGHS]

Oh, yeah.

Now, these Australians,

they're just here for today, right?

Because we promised that we were
gonna have all local hires.

Yeah, totally. They're a part
of our promo team.

- Okay.
- That's just a branding thing.

- Phew!
- [CHUCKLES]

- [SNAPS FINGERS]
- [WHITNEY] Yeah? Okay?

Hey, can... can you do
the next thing without us?

Something came up that
we need to take care of.

Nope. I need you guys.

What's so important?

[SIGHS] Can we stop by the KOE
station on the way?

Gonna need more info than that.

- Hey...
- Whoa, whoa.

Hey, I messed up the news
interview, okay?

I lost my cool. We need
to get the story k*lled.

- [LAUGHS] All right.
- I'm serious.

I get it. We got to film this.

We got to film this. All right?

Absolutely not, no.

Come on, we're making a show
about your life, right?

You never know if we wanna use it.

Let's just... let's just do it.

I do know, and I don't want to, no.

All right, fine.

Well, I have some information
that may be newsworthy.

I, uh, I worked for a period of time

at the Whistling River Casino,

and during my time there,

I saw some things.

Yeah, no, of course...

and you will not see
that side of me again.

I'm sorry, and I apologize
for my behavior.

That was completely
inappropriate, but... mm-hmm.

Subway? Okay.

Great.

I'll, I'll... we'll be right there...

I'll be right there.

Thank you, Monica.

♪ ♪

[WHITNEY] There it is.

No, don't, don't park
near her. Go straight.

And then make a right here.

We'll park at the other side of the lot.

Hey, you're nervous. Don't be nervous.

Take off your sunglasses.

Look at me. Eyes. Eyes.

- Not now.
- Hey...

You don't wanna come in there with me?

No, I don't.

This is your story.

Just be careful what you disclose

because we don't wanna do
anything to harm the tribe.

This is about the Gaming Control Board,

- not the Pueblo, right?
- Mm-hmm.

So make sure she knows that,
the casino is sacred.

You're a good person.

You got this.

You give me the strength to do anything.

Go. Go.

All right. I'm gonna go in.

What, what, what, what are you doing?

Relax. We're just
getting B-roll, you know,

I'm not gonna lose
the whole day over this.

God forbid I film your life

for a show about your life, right?

- Just kidding.
- Mm-hmm.

This one's off limits.

Got it.

[CHUCKLES]

- Hey.
- Hey, I need ten minutes, okay?

- Ten minutes? Okay.
- Yeah.

[BREATHES DEEPLY]

[INTO PHONE] Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Right, you have to...
Oh, sorry, one second.

- How did it go?
- She needs ten minutes.

Okay.

[DOUGIE] Yo, Ashman.

Come here.

Um, let's grab a quick sh*t of you,

um, giving money to that
little girl over there.

[ASHER] Why?

[DOUGIE] It'd be good, you know?

Showing you giving back
to the community...

charitable stuff, all right?

Jose, quick. Make sure his mic's on.

Just, like, go hand her money?

- Yeah. No.
- Isn't that weird?

Just buy whatever the f*ck
she's selling. It'll be fine.

Do it quick, all right?
Make it look natural.

[NALA] Sprite mini, two dollars.
It's hot out.

Sprite mini, two dollars. It's hot out.

[DOUGIE] Go.

Jose, don't cut that sound, all right?

I wanna make sure we're rolling

when he's with the news lady, all right?

Hey, there. Hi.

Here's a little something
just for being you.

Thank you.

Okay.

Would you like a Sprite mini?

No, no, that's okay.

[NALA] Hani, Hani! I got a hundred!

- Hani!
- Good. Got it!

Hani! I got a hundred dollars.

- Hani!
- Hey. Hey.

So, we were just sh**ting, uh,
a little TV show over there.

And we were just getting a sh*t.

You're a little movie star!

Um, but that hundred-dollar bill
was all I had.

So, how about you give it back
to me and I'll go get change

and I'll buy that whole six-pack
from you for $20.

- What do you say?
- She's not giving back to you.

You gave her the money.
It's a done deal.

Oh, come on, that's not fair.

I'm gonna buy the whole six-pack.

It's fair. You... we do no refunds.

- I'm gonna buy the whole six...
- There's a sign.

Is that your dad? Can you tell them?

I'm gonna buy a whole six-pack.

Can you tell them?

I'm gonna buy a whole...
the whole six-pack here.

- Here.
- Give it back to her.

It's okay. It's okay. I...

You can't do that, or I'll curse you!

[CHUCKLES] You'll what?

I curse you.

[CHUCKLES] Okay. Okay.

I'm gonna go get change, okay?
So I'll be right back.

Just stay here. I'm getting change!

Nala!

Hey. Do you have a twenty
on you or anything?

I don't carry cash.

[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]

sh*t.

Hey, wait! Wait, wait.

Hold on one sec.

Wait, wait. Hold on. One sec.

I'm just gonna go in that store,

and I'm gonna get $20 cash, okay?

Well, just... wait, wait, wait. One sec.

[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

I'm gonna get... I'm just gonna
get cash, okay? Will you wait?

Okay.

You'll wait? Okay. Thank you.

- Thank you. I'll be right back.
- [MAN SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

[PANTING]

- May I help you?
- Hi.

Would I be able to get
change for a hundred?

I'm sorry, we don't accept hundreds.

If I buy one of those
candy things or something?

Not even, but there is
an ATM right there.

Okay. Okay. Thanks.

[SMALL GUY] You gotta shove it.

Like the machine?
The keypad is not working.

There is a trick to that.

- Yeah.
- There's a trick.

What's your PIN?

You're going to do it or...

- Yeah. There's a trick.
- Are you showing the trick?

It'll take me two seconds.
What's your PIN?

Um, well, just show me
the trick and I can just... yeah.

I... all I need is your PIN,
and it'll take me two seconds.

- It's like really hard to use.
- Yeah, yeah.

So, what do... so, what do I do?
I shove the machine?

You gotta...

[BIGGEST GUY] You have
to shake it and then press.

Shake it then press? Okay.

- It's hard.
- Like that?

For real, bro.

It won't take but a second.

Um, yeah, I mean,
if you show me how to, um...

You think we need your money or what?

- [INDISTINCT]
- No. Um...

It's, um, 5181.

[BIGGEST GUY] I use them all the time.

[LAUGHS]

Twenty or forty?

Um, 20. Uh, 40 actually, 40.

- There you go.
- Thank you.

Just pulled a whole hundred out.

[ASHER] I mean, it's tough
working there sometimes.

Mmm.

All these gambling addicts
coming in, it's really sad.

And you think there are these
rules in place to help them.

But are those rules
actually being enforced

by the Gaming Control Board?

That's honestly why I decided to
stop working in that business.

This is all the stuff I could
only talk about off the record,

obviously.

But what I know...

what I've seen
has national implications.

I mean, if you have a story
that you would like to share,

I'd love to hear about it.

It's just... [CHUCKLES LIGHTLY]

I'm taking a big risk to do that.

And if I'm gonna take that risk,

I just need to be sure
that our reputation

with what we do in Española
isn't gonna be sullied.

We're very committed to this community.

Well, I happen to know Barrier Coffee

is a paid sponsor of your show,

and it has only signed
a six-month lease.

So, it's not really saying

"commitment to the community" to me.

Why are you doing this?
We're not the enemy.

No one is committed to this community.

Have you seen this place?

Have you driven around?
Take a loop, honestly.

We're also giving those
businesses free rent

so this place has a fighting chance.

[PANTS]

Monica, these are new jobs for locals.

So, you're telling me everybody
working in that coffee shop

is from Española?

You don't understand
what you have right now.

This is big, what I'm giving you.

I know you want a story.

Why are you worrying yourself
with this sh*t?

This is a national story you could have.

This is a career-maker story, okay?

And I'm handing it to you
on a silver platter.

And you wanna air this sh*t with us?

Who cares about us? We're nothing.

This is huge.

Do you wanna be on the anchor desk

or do you wanna keep
driving around with a van

with that fat guy? I'm serious.

We're doing good here.
We are good people.

We are really good.
I swear to f*cking God.

We're really good.

Okay. So let's keep walking.

We're casually talking
and walking, you know.

Laugh. I just told you a
really funny joke, right?

And, um, anything... any signal?
No? No? Okay.

Keep going closer. All right.
So... it's so funny, right?

Still signal nothing? No?
Then all right. Keep going.

Keep... a little closer.

A little closer but don't forget it.

Keep talking like... [LAUGHS]

it's so funny, right? Nothing,
right? No signal? Okay.

Okay. This, this f*cking woman, huh?

Just goddammit.

Nothing? All right. We're good.

No. This number is no longer
associated with that address.

I-I've never lived there.

Yes, I'll hold.

Tuesday is gonna be the latest
that I could hold the story.

- Okay.
- So, we're gonna need something,

you know, concrete, verifiable,
video, documents.

At that point then,
we may have a path forward.

- Tuesday?
- Yep.

- Tuesday it is.
- Okay. Yeah.

I also just wanna say that
I... my intention is not to hurt

the, the casino in any way.

This has nothing to do with the Pueblos.

Mm-hmm.

I, I, I just wanna help improve
some of these practices,

and sometimes the best way to do that

is by shining a light onto it.

No. You don't have to convince me.

That's why I got into this business.

Yeah. I just want this
to be constructive.

- That way, there are no losers.
- Yeah. No losers. Got it.

[ASHER] Representative.

Should we ask her if she can still air

the good parts of the interview?

I'm kidding. [CHUCKLES] Your face.

- Representative.
- Who are you calling?

My bank because I'm just
gonna change my PIN.

[ELIZABETH] Oh, it didn't
come through. Okay.

This wasn't pregnancy-fat.
This was fat-fat.

She was in one of those carts, Whit.

You know, the fat people,
they can't walk.

- Enough. Enough.
- [PAUL] Hey, Whit.

You got one of those
little fabric hats for me?

- Oh, yes, I do. Mm-hmm.
- Do I get a costume, too?

No. This is just for Dad.

Hey. Why does the city keep calling me

and saying my phone number is associated

with units in Bookends?

I, I don't have to wear it
if you don't want me to.

You would not believe how fat she was.

It was devastating, I'm not kidding.

Lizzy, maybe we dial it back
with the body shaming, huh?

- What does that mean?
- [SIGHS]

Oh, my God. That is not funny.

- It's pretty funny.
- It's, it's, it's not. [LAUGHS]

[SINGING IN HEBREW]

[SINGING IN HEBREW]

- Amen.
- Amen.

[ELIZABETH] Okay. So,
why do you do the candles?

Oh, um, well, we do them because...

Whitney wants to do them. [CHUCKLES]

[CHUCKLES] Well, it's,
it's a little early today,

but typically, you,
you do light the candles

before the sun goes down

because the Torah forbids
lighting a fire after dark.

So, really, you light the candles,

and then you're able to see your dinner.

It's only practical. [LAUGHS]

Is that the reason?

That's what he told us
in the class. Yeah.

Oh, I didn't know that.

[SPEAKING HEBREW]

Amen.

[SPEAKING HEBREW] Amen.

Just, uh... you just
set them right here.

I have got a treat for you.

Oh, look at this. Homegrown.

Try one. They're amazing.

Okay.

They're beautiful, huh?
I'll tell you what I do.

I put a, a little small fish
in the soil.

Hmm.

Just a touch of urine, human urine.

- You're kidding, right?
- No, I'm not kidding.

Relax. It's not like I'm pissing
on the tomatoes.

- I just... it's on the soil.
- And it helps?

- Yeah, it helps.
- Hmm.

I understand that you,

you guys are thinking about
snapping up more properties,

and I thought you were fully leveraged.

It's the right move.

The, the numbers don't matter anymore.

We have... we have the show.

You might wanna think about
building on sales

from your initial profits.

That's how we started. What do I know?

No, no, no. I, I, I...
that's definitely the plan.

It's just, you know, to do
the homes to Whit's standards,

there, there aren't really
any profits from the homes.

We really need the land value to rise.

So, we're snapping up
as many plots as possible.

Because I mean, HGTV
has a massive audience.

And so, you know, we're pumping
Española like crazy.

It's gonna be the neighborhood
no one saw coming, 'cause we...

- Okay.
- ... invented it. Yeah.

You better hope the show pans out, huh?

Hey! There he is! Check this out.

Hey. Speak. Say "I love you".

[HOWLS]

That a boy. [LAUGHS]

He's good. He's good.

And he's never done that before.

Really?

- No, just kidding.
- Okay.

Would you like to see where
the magic happens? Follow me.

Asher, people are a lot like tomatoes.

You got your big old
beefsteaks over here...

- like, you just had.
- Uh-huh.

And you got your little tiny cherries.

They're very different,

but once you slice up a cherry
and you put it in a sandwich,

it tastes great.

Okay.

Once you put it between
the bread, it's all the same.

- Sure, yeah.
- Yeah.

Here, you wanna try one?

- Yeah, please.
- Let me see. Let me see.

Where is the little beauty?

Yeah.

[CHUCKLES LIGHTLY]

Right. Wow.

- So just fish and urine, huh?
- Yeah.

Now, if you don't mind,
they're due and so am I.

Yeah.

Asher, I just...

I want you to know that I, uh,

understand what you're going
through with my daughter.

- I, I'm not sure...
- Yeah.

I, I don't... I don't
know what you mean.

Lizzy and I, we dealt with it,
and I got over it.

And look at me now.
I got a lovely family.

You don't think I had some
issues, though? Yeah, I did.

I did, but who wants to live
with that? Be humiliated.

Embrace it. Tell you what you do.

You just... you say it once.

You say it to a, a complete stranger,

"Hello. I've got a small penis".

You think they're gonna laugh at you,

but you know what, they're
gonna laugh with you.

Because life's a f*cking joke.
You know what I'm saying?

I... Yeah, I'm, I'm not sure
I have the, uh,

the issue you're...

- Asher...
- ... referring to.

... break the illusion in your mind.

"Hey, I'm the guy with the small d*ck".

I tell all my friends. They know.

My old man, he... f*ck him...

a very, very small one.

And he, he never shared
that with anyone.

Not even me.

And I can tell you, he was,
uh, very sad in his final years.

I'm sorry.

Obviously, we're a very open family,

and you're a part of it now,

and Whitney is 35 years old.

And g*dd*mn it, this is just such

a f*cking awkward conversation to have,

but I know... I know Whitney.

And I can tell you 100%,
she has no issue with your size.

Yeah, yeah, and,
and I, I can... I talk...

I can talk with her about this stuff.

- We talk... yeah.
- Asher.

- Ash.
- Mm-hmm.

I've loaned you, like, a million bucks.

Look at what I'm working with here.

- Uh, thank you.
- All right.

Look, obviously, I know that you two,

you talk about this kind of stuff,

but I just wanna say
that for guys like us,

once you... once you find someone,

you find a special person
who doesn't care...

- Hmm.
- ... like Whitney...

be the clown.

It's the most liberating thing
in the world.

It's like f*cking with a 10-inch cock.

[CHUCKLES] All right. Thank you.

Look at us.

We're the cherry tomato boys.

- [LAUGHS] Okay.
- Uh-huh?

- Yeah. Okay. Okay.
- Come on.

I mentioned it to my mom

when we first started dating,
and that's it.

That is the only time I mentioned it.

Did you tell her it's not a big deal

and that we joke about it?

Because Paul seemed to think

it's something I'm insecure about.

No. I don't talk to my dad
about that stuff.

I don't know where he could've
gotten that idea, then.

They brought up us having kids,

and I said it's not an urgent
priority right now.

And so, he maybe thought

that's why we're not
having sex that much.

- I have no clue.
- You told him

we're not having sex?

- I said...
- What are you sharing

with these people?

I said that we are not trying
to have kids at this moment.

That's what I said.

[SIGHS]

Hmm, it's interesting

that he thinks it's me
who's putting on the brakes.

What do you want me to say?

[SIGHS]

In case you're wondering,

your dad's d*ck
is way smaller than mine.

[CHUCKLES]

I thought you two were
the cherry tomato boys.

- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.

Yeah? [CHUCKLES] You want
a cherry tomato? Open up.

Open wide, huh? Separate those teeth.

- You want it?
- Put it away from me.

- Yeah. Come on. You want it.
- Stop it.

Open your teeth and eat it. Open it.

[CHUCKLES] I'm full.

You're gonna get
a cherry tomato! You want...

Oh, my goodness. Be careful. Be careful.

- [CHUCKLES]
- [LAUGHS] Okay.

Okay.

You better get excited for,
uh, temple Thai coconut curry.

They forgot the chicken
in the chicken penne.

I'm gonna call for a refund,
this is ridiculous.

What?

What?

- What? [CHUCKLES]
- What?

Why are you looking at me like that?

[CHUCKLES] I'm not looking
at you like anything.

Put the rest of the food away.

And then we can f*ck? [CHUCKLES]

[MOANS] Steven.

[PANTS]

Steven, can I join too?

He says not yet.

[MOANS]

Can you ask Steven if I can watch?

He says... he says that you can listen,

but he doesn't wanna see your face.

Okay. I'm looking away.
Tell him I'm looking away.

- [SIGHS]
- [MOANS]

Okay. Okay.

[MOANS] Steven says it's your turn.

I wanna... I wanna watch you
finish with him.

[PANTS]

[PANTS] Oh, Steven.

Oh, Steven, Steven.

Oh, Steven, Steven.

[PANTS]

[BOTH MOANING]

[WHITNEY] Hi, Vic.

We had given Vic the keys
to his new passive house.

And this is some pottery made by artists

from the San Petro Pueblo.

Oh, thanks. Thank you so much.

You're welcome.

But we knew he couldn't
truly be an Españolan

without an introduction
to community leader

Father Manny.

[FATHER MANNY] We have
our outreach program

designed to tackle poverty in the area,

and we're always looking for volunteers.

Yeah, yeah. It's cool.

A lot of stuff going on.

You seem uncomfortable.

Uh, I'm an atheist, that's all.

Where do you derive your
meaning from? Your purpose?

Right here, pause it...
pause it... pause it.

Look at how uncomfortable he is.

It's the perfect moment
if you just give some voiceover,

like Vic wasn't ready
to be converted today.

Well, I prefer not to get into religion.

But you put a f*cking
priest in the show.

Vic's talking to a priest, you know.

Yeah, but his community work is secular.

Oh, we definitely can't
use the Australians.

They're not local hires.

Give me a f*cking break, please.

- Dougie, Jesus Christ.
- Jesus Christ.

You can't just sit here and say,

this is the show or this isn't the show.

You can't do that, all right?

There's a reason there
isn't a network executive

hounding over us...

- Relax, Dougie, okay?
- ... the entire time.

Goddammit, man. They believe in me.

They trust me.

Hey, we trust you too,
Dougie. We really do.

- We really do.
- Okay.

These are just a couple small
requests, you know what I mean?

- [WHITNEY] We're pointing out...
- [ASHER] Yeah.

... some things that are very important.

- I mean, these aren't locals.
- [OVERLAPS] Look, guys.

- That would be dishonest.
- I'm gonna prove to you that

I know what the f*ck
I'm doing, all right?

Here's a show, here's
a show that I made,

and it's very similar to
what we're trying to do here...

- Okay.
- All right?

It's doing good for somebody,

but also being entertaining and funny.

The two things don't have to go
and cancel each other out.

[DAN] Most people say that
real beauty is on the inside,

but do they actually believe it?

This show puts that claim
to the test as 15 single women

vie for the heart of one man

whose face will be concealed
the entire time.

I can tell you right now,
he will fall in love,

and one of these women
will fall for him too.

[MAN] I'm really falling for you.

[WOMAN LAUGHS]

[DAN] Only once the couple
are legally wed

in an official ceremony

will she see his face
for the first time.

The women were told he could be anybody,

a celebrity, tycoon, a prince perhaps.

But in reality,

he is the survivor of a
horrific apartment fire.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Will these women stand by their belief

that beauty is on the inside...

[VOCALIST] ♪ The fire burns on ♪

♪ The fire burns on ♪

♪ The fire burns on ♪

Or will his physical appearance
be too much to handle?

♪ The fire burns on ♪

♪ The fire burns on ♪

♪ The fire burns on ♪

I'm your host, Dan Cortez.

Join me for this once-in-a-lifetime
chance at love

for a man who desperately

doesn't wanna be taken at face value.

Find out what happens this season

on Love To The Third Degree.

♪ The fire burns on ♪

♪ The fire burns on ♪

[DOUGIE] See? This is what
I'm talking about.

It's, it's a show about a guy

who was dealt a hard hand, all right?

And now he's got 15 women

throwing themselves at him, right?

We gave him a new chance at life,

kind of like you guys and Fernando.

[WHITNEY] This is not at all similar.

It's like playing a prank
on a burn victim.

How could it be pranking him
if he's in on the joke?

- The guy thought it was hilarious.
- Did... did you know about this?

No, I've only seen
the HGTV stuff he's done,

the same stuff you have seen.

- Who's seen this show?
- Nobody has seen it.

- I... it didn't get picked up.
- This is...

I was trying something new. That's it.

- Listen. Hey.
- Uh... then this is...

- ... this is your taste?
- This is not my taste.

- This is your taste.
- No, no, no. What?

- Listen.
- You vouched for him.

Dougie, Dougie, we have
a reputation in this community.

- I get it.
- This show has to reflect our values.

Whitney has a lot of followers...

- Yeah, I get it.
- ... okay?

[OVERLAPS] The show needs
to reflect who we are.

- Whitney.
- Mm-hmm.

This, I was having a little fun
with Third Degree.

Yes, I admit it. This is different.

Our show's different. It's feel-good.

You know, it's,
it's helping the community.

It's immune to criticism, so
why not have some fun too?

What is that?

That's nothing.

- Asher in the parking lot?
- It's nothing.

What?

I was getting a quick sh*t of Asher

doing some good... charity
work in the community.

That's it. See?

You promised me that you
weren't filming any of this.

So, I would like to see it,
please. Play it all.

All of it. I wanna see
every second of this.

You can play it. It was
just a quick sh*t.

This is your promise, Dougie.

Hey there. Hi.

[DOUGIE] Look at her, she's great.

Here's a little something
just for being you.

How much is that?

A hundred.

No, no, that's okay.

That's the end of it.

You can... you can stop playing.

No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Well, we don't need to see it
anymore. That's the end.

Doug... no, Dougie
broke a promise to me.

I wanna see all of it.

What do you need to see?
That was what we sh*t.

- I wanna see all of it.
- All of what?

- I'm watching all of it, Ash.
- That was what we sh*t.

Why is it still recording?
I don't even understand.

[DOUGIE] I told Remy
very clearly, stop recording.

- I told Jose...
- [ASHER] Okay.

We don't need to see this.
This stuff's useless.

Whit. You don't need to see this.

[WHITNEY] I'm watching it.

[THUDS]

- [ASHER] Is this for abs?
- Yeah.

This is a waste of time to watch this.

This is... this is a waste of time.

- You know what? I don't care.
- We should be doing other stuff.

- This is what I want.
- The whole six-pack here.

- [ASHER] It's a waste of time.
- Give it back to me.

- It's okay.
- We don't need to see this.

This is... [SIGHS]

I curse you.

- What did she say?
- Okay. Okay.

She said she cursed me.

[WHITNEY] But why, why did you
snatch the money away from her?

Why didn't you just give her
the hundred?

[ASHER] It was just for the sh*t.

[DOUGIE] That's the end of the clip.

That was... she was selling
those for $2 each.

I was... I was gonna buy
six of them for $20.

So you, you went back
and you gave her $20?

I tried. I took the money out,

but she was gone when I got back.

Oh, my God.

Now, we have this hanging over us.

What?

Look what you did, what she said.

"I curse you"? Oh, come on, Whit.

What? You, you think you can
just do whatever you want,

there's not gonna be consequences?

She's a little kid.

"I curse you"? Come on,
you're not a moron.

Hey.

[DOUGIE] f*cked up.

[SIGHS]

What if... what if I believed
in anything?

You're gonna call me
a moron after your friend?

- Of course... of course not.
- This is so...

- No, no.
- Oh, God.

Baby, baby, baby, baby, come on.
What do I need to do?

- You know what you need to do.
- Okay.

I just... I, uh, I do... I do know.

You just tell me what
I need to do, okay?

Go find her.

Go find her and give her the money,

the full hundred dollars.

- Go now.
- Absolutely, yes.

Okay.

Yeah.

She, she might not be there right now.

[WHITNEY] Well, search for her...

- Of course. I will.
- ... Ash.

- Yes, I'll look for her.
- Find her.

[ASHER] Uh, I just, um...
it was just the noodles.

[CUSTOMER SERVICE REP]
Sorry. It was a noodle meal?

[ASHER] It was a chicken penne,
but it came without chicken.

So you were delivered the pasta?

So I'd like a...

I'd like a refund for the meal
because it came incomplete.

But we did deliver the penne.

I know. Uh, it was a chicken penne,

and it came without chicken.

[CALL DROPS]

Hi. I'm, uh, looking for someone.

We're actually closed tonight,
but if you wanna leave a note,

I could pass along the message.

- Sure. Yeah.
- Come on in.

Do you know if, uh, a, a man

with, um, uh, two young girls
is staying here?

Well, honestly, I can't really
share any client information

just due to our privacy policy.

But if you can describe
who you're looking for,

I can pass along the message

to anyone who fits that description.

Okay. Um, yeah, it's a... it's a father,

I think, um, 40-ish, um,

two young girls, elementary school age.

- Black, I think.
- Okay.

And then, uh, your name?

- Asher Siegel.
- Asher Siegel.

Why are all the beds empty?

Uh, funding, unfortunately,

we currently only have
funding to stay open

three nights a week, so...

- Oh.
- ... we can always use donations.

Okay. Thank you.

[CHILD CRYING]

[WHITNEY] The people here are so real,

and their vibrancy and
resilience is infectious.

That's why we're proud to call
Española my home.

It's... oh, sh*t.

Our home.

[DOUGIE] You're all right. You got it.

- You're okay.
- [SIGHS] Oh, God.

I'm sorry. I, I just...
I'm not concentrating.

I just feel like the energy
in here is all off.

- It's just...
- I know.

- Oh, God.
- Asher, right?

It's really messed up, what he did.

Right?

Whit?

It's messed up, right?

Um...

Maybe not, though.

Look, I always thought Asher

was gonna be like a day trader
or something,

you know, 'cause he's so analytical.

I mean, you know Data from Star Trek?

You, you do? The, the robot
with the white makeup on...

- Yeah.
- ... the nerdy guy?

Everybody at camp, we always
used to joke that Asher was him,

but, uh, I don't know.

This, this thing that
you're doing right now,

it's, it's, it's really good.

You know, you're really
helping people and saving lives.

And, uh, I never thought Asher

would ever be a part
of something like this.

It requires so much empathy on his part.

It's funny when, uh, when Asher asked me

to come down from New York
to help him out with this.

I was like, "There's no way
this is gonna work", you know?

But then, uh, then I met you,
and I was like,

not only is this gonna work,
it's gonna be a hit.

When you enter the room,
everything gets brighter.

When you look into that
camera, everything lights up.

And I think people,
when they watch this,

people are really gonna be
dreaming about being with you.

Trust me, swear to God.

Let's try another one.

- Okay.
- Let's do it.

- [KNOCK ON DOOR]
- Ooh.

- Who is it?
- [ASHER] It's me.

- Ash?
- Incher. My man.

- Hey.
- What's going on, man?

- You're good? Cool.
- Yeah.

- Excuse me.
- Yeah.

I'm sorry. Just one second.

Did you find her? Did you find her.

Good. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- She was happy.
- Yeah.

- So you gave her the money?
- Yeah.

And did she seem like... was she...

- Yeah, yeah.
- ... satisfied?

She said that, uh...
she said there's no curse.

- Really?
- Yeah.

I wanna know exactly what she said.

Tell me exactly what she said.

Where was she living?
Who was she living with?

I wanna know what everyone said.

I talked to someone at Pathways,

and they said she's actually,
that her...

their family's living
in one of the, the buildings

across the street.

- They're...
- The transitional housing?

- Yeah, exactly.
- Okay.

So it turns out they're not
homeless, which is a good thing.

- Unhoused.
- Unhoused, sorry.

And so I went over there
and I looked at the buzzer.

- Yeah.
- And I was looking at it,

and they happened to walk in
at that exact moment.

And so I said, "Hey, you know,
you remember me?"

- Yeah.
- And they said, "Yeah, yeah..."

- Okay.
- And then I, you know,

- gave her the hundred dollars.
- Yeah.

And then they said thank you.

And they, they invited me up for dinner,

but I said no 'cause I
had to come back here.

- Mmm.
- And, um, then I said,

you know, is the curse gone?

And she said yeah.

- So, yeah.
- And then you left?

Yeah. And then we hugged
and then... and then I left.

Thank God.

- Okay.
- Good. Yeah.

- It's good.
- Okay.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

[WHITNEY SIGHS]

[DOUGIE] Who is it?

Just kidding. You guys good?

- [ASHER] Yeah.
- [WHITNEY] I'm, uh, I'm ready.

- All right.
- Yeah.

I'm good.

[DOUGIE] Whenever you're ready.

[WHITNEY] There's no such
thing as a perfect city,

but to me, this city
is as close as it comes.

The people here are so real,

and their vibrancy and
resilience is infectious.

That's why we're proud to call
Española our home,

voted the cleanest air
in the country in 2012

with the Rio Grande flowing
right through our downtown.

I can't think of a better place

to begin our passive house revolution,

saving the earth one kilowatt at a time.

Let's just... let's just do it
again right away.

- I can do it better.
- [DOUGIE] All right.

[WHITNEY] Okay.

There's no such thing
as a perfect city, but to me...

[BACKGROUND SONG IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]