01x02 - Making Lemonade

[bunniefuu]

- Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
- Walk.

- Where?
- Away.

Did anybody see?

Just keep walking.

What do I do with the g*n?

I don't know, we'll find
a place to ditch it.

Like the forest?

Do you see a forest
anywhere nearby?

Hey... [stammers]
Just relax!

Sorry, I'm a little shook up.

A little? I just peed myself.

Hold on, the g*n.
The g*n. The g*n.

All right. Do you think, uh,
you think he's dead?

Probably.

Damn it, I k*lled a guy.

- Yeah, you did.
- [phone vibrates]

Not a good time.

Yeah, 408.

Hold on, hold on.
The g*n. The g*n.

Yeah, no.

The, uh, Hawaii game
hasn't kicked off yet, so...

Yeah, 300 bills on the over.

I got you down.

Like that's gonna
save his Saturday.

It's a bad bet.

Hey.

Chickenshit m*therf*cker.

You're not wrong.

That was cold, Hector.

I know. I feel really bad.

Seatbelts.

f*cking seatbelts suck.

Needless to say,
there's no charge.

You're lucky I'm not
on a k*lling spree.

- So that guy's dead?
- Yeah, probably.

Want me to do a little drive-by,
scout it out?

No, take me home.

- You too, Ray?
- Yeah.

Okay. Uh, routing-wise,

what's the most efficient...

- Ray and then me.
- Really?

You don't think it'd be quicker
if he takes the 405

and gets off on La Cienega?

There's construction on the 405,
so I'd avoid it.

You know what,
you guys have had a night.

Let me and Google Maps
get you home.

Thank you.

Would either of you
like a complimentary water?

Man, just keep on driving.

DANNY:
Pull over.

- HECTOR: Why?
- DANNY: Just do it.

RAY:
What are you doing?

I'm getting rid of the g*n.

Are you kidding me?

- DANNY: What?
- I can still see it.

I couldn't get
full extension back here.

Well, you can't just
leave it there.

Try it again.

Open the car, dipshit.

My bad.

I just bought these shoes.

RAY:
Try it again, Alice!

That was good.

Throw it like you're
going to jail.

Forever.

f*ckin' hate my life.

Happy?

♪ ♪

[horn honks]

[sighs]

We need to talk.

[sighs]

So, can we talk?

Kinda had a rough night.

Maybe in the morning?

In the morning,
I gotta get Anthony up

and beg him to eat breakfast,
take him to school,

squeeze in Pilates
and then I gotta open the shop

because Christine
can't work Mondays anymore.

[groans] Fine, talk.

No, no. You're tired.

I was just going to apologize
for earlier, but f*ck it.

f*ck you. f*ck everything.

Okay.

It's possible
I'm happier in jail.

Hey.

How you doing?

I was gonna make myself
a bowl of cereal.

You want some?

You know, that sounds
pretty good.

How are things at school going?

Same.

But they're leaving you alone?

Pretty much.

Hey, uh,

how would you feel
about us getting a cat?

[chuckles]

I don't know, buddy,
I'm pretty allergic.

Okay.

You got one already, didn't you?

Yeah.

Morning.

Good morning.

You okay?

Yeah. Why?

'Cause you got that droopy dog
look, like somebody d*ed.

Oh, Lord Jesus,
did somebody die?

No, no, of course not.

What do you got going today?

Same as usual.

- Working with Danny.
- Mm-hmm.

It don't bother you that
that little Italian boy

might be using you?

Nobody's using me, Grandma.

Everybody uses you.

Your baby mommas,
your low-life friends

with their money-making schemes.

And don't forget,

I was in the room when
that freckle-faced fatty

talked you into playing football
in Provo, Utah.

I got a good education
at Brigham Young.

Good education?

How much did you make
in the NFL?

Nine, ten million dollars?

Those Mormons
didn't even teach you

how to balance a checkbook.

Are you done?

Oh, I'm just warming up.

You got to lose
this Danny Calamari.

Colavito.

That one was born for the rope.

Danny's my friend.

I trust him. End of story.

End of something.

You want French toast?

Yes, ma'am.

No reason to be
stupid and hungry.

[hip hop plays on radio]

[radio turns off]

What do you mean,
what do they smell like?

They're mushrooms.

Like a nice risotto.

[buzzer sounds]

I don't know,

I would hope the airport dogs

are sniffing for bombs.

Listen, if you're

so concerned,
ask your girlfriend

if she feels comfortable
using her ass as a purse.

I gotta go. Have fun in Cabo.

Here's the action
that came in last night

- and this morning.
- Oh, look at you with the cursive.

- Let me get in there.
- Why, what are you doing?

The G-wagon we took in trade?

- Looking up the guy.
- Why?

- Got repoed.
- Oh, let me guess.

Instead of
cutting his balls off,

you want to have
a talk with him.

I want to get paid, all right?

Balls are not
the coin of the realm.

Fun fact, nobody in the NFL
wears a cup.

Balls get shattered
on a daily basis.

- How is that pertinent?
- Sorry.

Just sharing an anecdote.

And we're all better for it.

Thank you, Ray.

Let's go.

When are you gonna tell him
about you and me?

I'm thinking never.

That's why you two get along.

You're both pussies.

I'll see yours tonight.

Yeah, you will.

- [sighs]
- [hip hop plays on radio]

Could we please?

What would you prefer?
"Song Sung Blue"?

Something with
a positive message

and a little less N-word?

Oh, speaking of which,

any updates on our dead N-word?

Nothing. I don't get it.

You'd think it'd be
all over the news.

Black junkie gets sh*t
in downtown Los Angeles.

Only way that makes the news
is if he bleeds on a white man.

Sad state of affairs.

State of affairs for
the last 400 f*cking years.

You know the Italians

didn't have an easy go of it
in this country.

Don't.

They didn't.

[phone rings]

Yeah?

HECTOR:
It's me.

You want to be a little bit
more specific?

Hector.

Yeah, Hector, what's up?

I'm looking at, uh...

ground zero,
if you catch my drift.

Yeah? And?

Nothing. No cops.

No body. No chalk outline.

None of those
little plastic cones

you see on the TV shows.

- That's impossible.
- What?

He's at where I sh*t the guy.
There's nothing there.

That's impossible.

I just said...

How about blood?
Is there any blood?

Can't see from here,

but it's like nothing happened.

Hang on.

You said I sh*t the guy.

Well, to be fair,
when it went down,

I closed my eyes
and said, "Lord Jesus,

- can you help me?"
- Oh, God.

Look, we both saw him
on the ground.

He didn't just slip.

Well, maybe you wounded him

and he walked away on his own...

what do you call it, volition.

Hmm.

Holy sh*t, I might not have
blood on my hands.

Thanks, Hector. I owe you.

- Great, give me a job.
- Doing what?

How much money gets bet
on soccer games?

We don't see much action.

Because you, my friends,

don't speak the language of...

Goal!

Hi, we're here
to see Bobby Knox.

Who should I tell him is here?

Could you do us a favor?

We want to surprise him.

Big day.

Penthouse.
Elevator's on the left.

- Thanks.
- Mm-hmm.

I'll save you a slice.

[elevator bell dings]

- So, how do you wanna play this?
- Well, we leave with cash

or we frog-march this
m*therf*cker down to the bank.

That works for me.

Did I detect a little sparkle

between you
and Officer Front Desk?

Yeah, there was
something there, right?

Maybe she could be the mother
of your 11th child.

Now why you gotta go there?

What? It's a little
friendly banter.

We're giving each other
the so-called business.

Oh, okay.

It's a two-way street.

Take a sh*t.

[elevator bell dings]

I'm f*cking your sister.

Don't suck his d*ck,
you won't get paid.

Hello?

Bobby?

Out there.

Oh, sh*t.

You know, there's
a strong case to be made

for us just backing out of here.

He owes us $38,000.

He didn't pay
for a blowjob, Danny.

What's the likelihood
of us getting paid?

You got to try.

Hey, Bobby.

Hey, Danny. Ray.

Hey.

What's the plan here?

What's it look like?

Looks like you're going to jump.

- Danny.
- Smart money's on splat.

Come on, Bobby,

you're not gonna jump. Just...

- just get down from there.
- Eh.

There's no reason
to stick around.

People, they only like me
for my money,

and that's all f*cking gone.

What do you mean, gone?

I-I blew through my trust fund.

Gambling? dr*gs?

Oh, you'd think, right? Nope.

I sank it all into
a plant-based dog food company.

But dogs are carnivores.

That's right, Ray.

Yeah, tough break.

Listen, you know that Mercedes

you paid us off with?

Yeah.

It got repoed, so you're back to

a big number with us.

Oh, wow. I'm sorry.

Let's just punt that for now.

There any chance we can get you

to swing those legs around
and come inside?

- No.
- DANNY: Come on, talk.

Let's have a cup of coffee.

Perhaps you could point out

some artwork in the home
that's fungible.

What?

DANNY:
Fungible. Resale value.

- Danny.
- I'm making lemonade, Ray.

Bobby, look, man,

I know it's hard.

I been there.

I ran through
every last penny that I had.

And I owe.

Oh, God, I owe so much.

But I'm not giving up.

There's too much good
in the world,

and I want to be a part of it.

I want to bear witness.

What's good?

Are you... Are you kidding me?

The sound of a baby's laugh.

A beautiful woman.

A magnificent sunset?

Yeah, no, no, sunsets.

Sunups.
Can't forget sunups, you know?

Scrambled eggs
with a side of hashbrowns.

Some toast
with some strawberry jam.

Organic broccoli.

Good and good for you.

- I mean, I could go on.
- Please don't.

When was the last time you ate?

Had a decent night's sleep?

Oh, it's, uh, it's been
a couple of days, you know?

Kind of been on a run.

Eh.

That could be
affecting your thinking.

I'm really sorry about the car.

That's okay.

Just come on down.

Okay, all right.

Good. [chuckles]

You like birthday cake?

We brought you
some birthday cake.

But it's not my birthday.

Are you sure about that?

'Cause, in a way,
you were just reborn.

What's the old saying?

First day
of the rest of your life.

Huh.

I like that. Thanks, Ray.

You know, I noticed
when we came in

you have some very nice rugs.

Lemonade.

Unbelievable.

We saved a life, man.

- Yes, we did.
- That's gotta

even out the karma a little bit.

- Yeah.
- Big man.

Yes.

Call me.

I will.

What about my sister?

What about her?

You're putting me in
a very awkward position.

Your sister likes those.

I'm gonna set that aside
for the moment

and enjoy the fact
that a man is alive

because we did the right thing.

Yeah, I guess.

I did four years hard time,

didn't see one dead body.

Yeah, people got shivved,
set on fire.

But I only heard about it
at lunch.

Ah, Danny. Ray.

- Oh, sh*t.
- Hey, I'm not here as a cop,

I'm here as a friend.

- Oh, sh*t.
- How's the leg?

In constant pain.

- Aw.
- What is that, nicotine gum?

Yeah.

When'd you quit smoking?



Well, look, I just got a call

about an apparent su1c1de
over in Westwood.

I looked at the security tapes,

and who did I see with a cake

and a f*cking balloon?

That was us.

Thought we might cheer Bobby up.

Mm-hmm, that was the plan,
to cheer him up?

What do you want, Carl?

How much was he into you for?

- What difference does it make?
- Oh, I don't know.

Sometimes money plays a role

in m*rder and mayhem.

m*rder? It wasn't a m*rder.

We were waiting on our car
in valet

when Bobby...

arrived.

Arrived? More like exploded.

You should've seen
your faces on that tape.

[mocking whimper]

Well, not that you care,

but the both of us are

- seriously traumatized.
- Mm.

Let me give you
some advice, huh?

Running a sports book
is not something

the LAPD considers
worthy of our attention.

You are our version
of the fire department's

cat in a tree.
Nobody gives a sh*t.

Until the cats
start k*lling themselves.

I don't know
what to tell you, Carl.

Yeah, Bobby was into me
for a large number,

but the minute I saw that
he was in emotional distress,

I talked him down.

Whoa, whoa. I talked him down.

We both talked him down, Ray.

We had coffee,
a little birthday cake,

and I left him in a good place.

Jesus, he k*lled himself
on his birthday?

DANNY:
Tragic, I know.

CARL: You know, Danny,
it's gonna break my heart

when I have
to throw a tarp over you.

I offer a service, Carl.
There's no shenanigans.

It's, "Who do you like
on Monday?"

and let the chips fall
where they may.

No, I know.
It's a victimless crime.

- Exactly.
- Fair enough.

Oh, P.S.,

the money that I owe you,

we're gonna call that even.

Sure.

Good man.

Nobody pays me. What kind of
f*ckin' job do I got,

nobody pays me?

What's going on?

$3,800 on Deportivo Iztapa
over Xelajú MC.

- What? - What?
- Guatemalan soccer league.

After I dropped
you guys off last night,

I found a bar full of illegals,

all from Xelajú.

Gonna need a little more.

They bet with their hearts.
I made a k*lling.

So what do you need us for?

I need a bank to back me
when I can't cover,

otherwise I'm looking at
a room full of machetes.

What do you think?

Opens up a big market.

It's the world's game,
gentlemen.

Follow us back to the office.
We'll set you up.

Goal!

That's gotta stop.

So each client gets a number.
We don't use names.

HECTOR:
What about nicknames?

Like Rooster, Dirty Dog,

a big guy called Tiny.

You get it.

Just a number.

- Do they pick or do I pick?
- You pick.

What if they don't like their
number, think it's unlucky?

What if you go back to driving
that stupid little car?

Okay, curious minds not welcome.

Then, if they're not placing
their bets online,

they're calling them in.

You write everything down,

you give those bets to Lorraine

and she enters them
into the computer.

Because my brother uses
a phone and a pencil

like a f*cking dinosaur.

Because it works, Lorraine.

And I'll tell you
something else.

If and when, God forbid,
the state of California

legalizes sports betting,
what's our edge?

That you extend credit
to lowlife degenerates?

To a degree, yes.
But what I was going for

is I have personal
relationships with my clients.

I've known
some of them for years.

I know when they're celebrating
a christening, a bar mitzvah.

I know when their mother slipped
in the shower and broke her hip.

I know their kids' names.

And you know when they lose
that kid's college money

on a can't-miss parlay.

Ray, can you control your woman?

[relaxing music plays on radio]

DANNY:
Now, this is music.

Can we please fence that thing
before we get mugged again?

Yeah, I'm gonna
set it up with The Cowboy.

Really? The Cowboy?

You know he's gonna lowball us.

Well, what's our other options?
Try our luck at a swap meet?

Okay, okay.

It's too bad.
I'm getting used to it.

You know, it's like having

a small house in the Midwest
on your wrist.

You know, something's
really been bothering me.

What, are you gonna apologize

for sneaking around
with my sister?

No, but if it makes you
feel any better,

it wasn't planned.

Oh, really? No courtship?
No pitching woo?

What's been bothering me
is that guy who mugged us.

He knew about that watch
out of the gate.

He did, didn't he?

I think he was tipped off.

Charlie Sheen?

I don't think so.

Back when he was "winning"
with tiger blood, maybe.

But not now.

Someone at the restaurant?
Waiter? Maître d'?

I'd go with the waiter.

What's the play?

Well, if we want to know

if homeboy's alive or dead,

he might be the guy to squeeze.

Evening.

- Hey.
- Methamphetamine.

Careful, that
could be habit-forming.

What do you want?

You don't remember us?

No.

This help?

So you got a watch.
What do you want from me?

Looking for
a little information.

Like the current whereabouts

of the young man
you sent our way.

DANNY: Maybe an address,
emergency room.

One of those refrigerated
drawers in the morgue.

f*ck you guys.

Hey, hey, slow down.

Ooh!

Oh, you gotta be kidding me.

Hey, where's your friend
with the g*n?

Go f*ck yourself.

Oh, God. Ray, we should go.

Yeah.

DANNY: I can't believe
I'm gonna say this,

but I'm actually looking forward

to a quiet evening at home.

♪ ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ I love Jimmy Luxury ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Hey! Hey! ♪