01x02 - The Pie's The Limit!/Our Moose is Cooked

[bunniefuu]

NARRATOR:Previously on The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle...

Our heroes headed to Paris, France

to compete in the greatest cooking contest in the world,

Le Grand Yum Yum.

I made pie!

NARRATOR:Fearless Leader hired super spies, Boris and Natasha

to steal Bullwinkle's pie recipe, so he could take over the world.

Other important stuff includes

Grandwinkle's cryptic instructions to call her.

(IN EERIE VOICE) Call before the darkness!

NARRATOR:And this secret dude,

who I guess works for this overly-intense woman.

And that when Boris and Natasha tried to steal the recipe,

they failed miserably and went to jail.

Which is where we begin our next exciting episode,

at this intimidating and well-guarded Le Jail.

PRISONERS: (CHANTING) One, two, three, argh!

One, two, three, argh!

One, two...

BOTH: (STRAINING)

(GROANS)

Are you done?

(THUD) (SIGHS)

We cannot go on like this, darling.

The only thing worse than being chained to you...

Is what Fearless Leader will do to us

if we don't get pie recipe hidden inside Moose's glove.

That is why we must escape. Tonight!

And I have perfect plan.

(DOOR LOCK BUZZING)

Le lights out!

Le Boris and Natasha.

I said, "Le lights out!"

Sacrebleu!

These are dummies. Where did those two go?

Wait a minute.

I've never heard of a movie called "Don't Look Here."

Sacrebleu again! They've escaped.

Sound the alarm! (ECHOING)

(ALARM BLARING)

(OPENING THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

♪ When danger is near

♪ There's nowhere to hide

♪ Silent but deadly

♪ It comes from inside!

♪ Stink of fear!

♪ What's that smell?

♪ Stink of fear!

♪ What's that smell

♪ Pee-yew! ♪

NARRATOR: When we last left our heroes,

Rocky and Bullwinkle had been accepted into the world-famous cooking contest,

Le Grand YumYum, and are now preparing

for the first day of the competition.

Much better. Hey, Rock!

Ready to go?

All set.

What's this? Why aren't you in your assistant chef uniform?

The competition starts in thirty minutes.

NARRATOR: (IN DRAMATIC VOICE) Bom, bom, bom!

A little dramatic, don't you think?

So, I've been thinkin' about the contest, and I know the Yum Yum

has specific rules about assistant chefs.

Yes. According to the competition guidelines,

while cooking on stage, all chefs must have an assistant chef,

or sous-chef, as the French call it, by his side at all times.

But I was thinking, and hear me out on this,

maybe I'd be more valuable cheering you on from the sidelines.

In your robe?

I don't think there's anything about that in the guidelines.

Not in the robe. In this!

(WHISTLING)

(CHEERING)

Ready? Okay!

(CHEERING) Who's the moose with all the juice?

ALL: Bullwinkle! Bullwinkle!

ROCKY: Who's the moose who kicks caboose?

ALL: Bullwinkle! Bullwinkle!

M-O-O-S-E!

What's that spell? Bullwinkle!

No, "Moose!"

Agree to disagree.

Great work, buddy.

Thanks, but the squad was a bit shaky on the pyramid lift.

Weren't you, guys?

SQUAD: (GRUMBLING)

But I don't understand.

Well, the key to a successful pyramid lift is a firm base

and you never wanna... No, no, no, no!

About you not wanting to be my assistant chef.

But I can't be on stage with you.

For starters, I don't even know how to cook.

No problemo! Leave the cooking to me.

But, what about my uniform? It's clearly too small.

See? What do you mean? It fits perfectly.

Yeah, but, it's ripped.

Oh, yeah, I didn't notice... Hey, wait a second!

Rocky, is there something you're not telling me?

Nah. What are you talking about?

'Cause if I didn't know better,

I'd say you were nervous about something.

Ha-ha ha-ha!

What, me nervous? Don't be silly.

It's not like I'm hiding some personal flaw I never told you about

which would put the competition and your lifelong dream

in jeopardy. (LAUGHING)

So, you're okay with being on stage?

Are you kidding me? (SCOFFS)

I love being onstage! I was born to be on stage!

I'm wondering why we're not on a stage right now.

Come on, let's go!

(SCREAMS) (THUD)

Well, I'm convinced.

NARRATOR: Meanwhile, across the globe,

in the secret government agency known as the SHH,

Director Peachfuzz was reviewing the surveillance

she had ordered on her two newest persons of interest.

Rocket J. Squirrel. Age unknown.

Former member of the Critter Club of America.

Hobbies include flying, soaring, gliding,

and nut collecting.

Bullwinkle J. Moose.

Age unknown. Educated at Wossamatta U.

Filed patents for various failed inventions including

reversible shoes, moose deodorant,

and something called the "narf."

That's it? Yes.

Basically they're your average talking moose and squirrel.

That's what they want you to believe.

But they don't fool Peachfuzz.

This is clearly the look of two criminal masterminds.

Okay, ma'am.

What do you mean by "okay"?

Nothing, I just, you know, uh...

You seem nervous about something.

Are you hiding anything from me?

Frisk him. Oh, oh!

Okay. He's clean, ma'am.

What do you mean by "clean"?

I, uh...

Frisk yourself!

And then book me on the next flight to Paris.

It's time for Operation

Get-to-the-bottom- of-this-and-put- Rocky-and-Bullwinkle-away.

NARRATOR:Oh, drama!

Meanwhile, back in Paris, a group of tourists

were about to experience some drama of their own.

The catacombs of Paris

hold more than six million skeletons.

I'm scared, Daddy.

They're just skeletons, Timmy. There's nothing to be afraid of.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

(GRUNTS)

Zombies!

TOURISTS: (SCREAMING)

BORIS AND NATASHA: (GRUNTING)

I told you not to tunnel left at Marseille!

How was I to know sewer was there?

Just hurry up and get these handcuffs off.

Now where is it?

Oh, please tell me you have key for the handcuffs.

Of course I do, because I am genius.

When guard wasn't looking,

I stole the key and made copy out of bar of soap.

(BUBBLING)

(CHUCKLING)

Oops. You moron!

Key dissolved in sewer water. Now we're stuck together.

(PHONE RINGING)

And now Fearless Leader is calling.

Act like everything is going according to plan

and we are not chained together like two bumbling idiots

that he will want to k*ll.

Got it.

Boris! Natasha!

Hey, Fearless Leader.

(GRUNTS)

Construction phase of my super evil doomsday device has begun.

Now, where is my super stinky pie recipe?

We are working on it. Not to worry.

We are so close. So close!

You haven't gotten it yet?

Okay, change of plans. Natasha,

you stay in Paris and get the recipe.

Boris, report back here immediately!

You want us to split up?

Why? Is that a problem? Are you two joined at the hip?

No, the wrist.

With all due respect, we really think we should stick together

and we do a great job together and we would never lie to you, together.

Okay. Works for me.

(YELLING) Now get me the pie recipe!

Okay, we're going to have to make this work.

Got it.

NARRATOR:As the chain of fools set out to steal Bullwinkle's pie recipe,

across town, Le Grand Yum Yum was about to begin,

hosted by the biggest celebrity chef in the world,

Gordon Ramsay!

Welcome, eaters-of-food and lovers-of-me.

I'm Gordon Ramsay, and this is Le Grand Yum Yum.

(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING)

(RECORD SCRATCHING) You call those fireworks?

I want fireworks!

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(expl*si*n)

That's much better.

As you all know, I have a reputation for being tough,

but that's only because I care enough to demand the best out of people.

You, be better!

(NERVOUSLY LAUGHING)

(AUDIENCE GASPING)

Now. Moving on...

Ten chefs have been chosen from around the globe to compete

for the title of Master Yum Yum.

Now, let's meet our contestants.

From Salamanca, Chile,

Chef Ugo Torre, and his sous-chef,

Pepe!

"Excellent form, Ugo,"

is what I would say, if you weren't lumbering like

the Hunchback of Notre-Dame!

Jeez louise, that Gordon Ramsay sure is one tough cookie.

Good thing you're not nervous, right, Rock?

Who me? I'm clam as a calm.

I mean, clom as a can. Clam, clon, cling... calm.

And would you look at the crowd.

There must be ten thousand people watching.

Ten thousand?

Oh, actually, there aren't that many. Phew!

If you count everyone watching on TV, it's more like two billion.

Two billion?

"And next from Frostbite Falls, Minnesota, Chef Bullwinkle J. Moose

and his sous-chef, Rocky."

That's us, Rock, let's go.

But, there's something I have to tell you!

What's that, buddy?

(STAMMERING)

RAMSAY: Bullwinkle and Rocky?

Start dazzling.

But, but...

Come on, you're a squirrel, not a sprinkler.

But, I've got stage fruh-fruh...

Oh, no! He's got stage fruh-fruh!

No, Moose, he's got stage fright.

Oh, that's much worse.

NARRATOR:Way worse. Can Rocky get over his stage fright

and help his friend win Le Grand Yum Yum?

We'll find out right after these important messages.

(ELEVATOR MUSIC PLAYING)

(PHONE BEEPS)

Wow! That is important. Here, check this one out.

(TABLET BEEPS)

Hmm, that's important, too.

NARRATOR:Okay, those were important messages. And now back to the show.

Thanks to Rocky's stage fruh-fruh,

Le Grand Yum Yum was temporarily delayed

while workers repaired the squirrel-damaged stage.

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

Feeling better now, buddy?

(SIGHS) A little bit.

Can I get my lunch back now?

(IN DISGUST) Blah!

How come you never told me you had stage-destroying stage fright?

I didn't want to let you down.

But it all started when I was a little squirrel.

Whoa! What's going on?

Relax, it's just a flashback.

I was the toast of the pageant circuit...

all thanks to my beautiful singing voice.

♪ Largo al factotum Della citta, largo! ♪

(SINGING IN OPERATIC VOICE)

Oh, my. Wonderful. It's so beautiful.

ROCKY: And then the worst thing imaginable happened.

♪ Figaro! Figaro! Figaro! Figaro!

(OFF KEY) ♪ Figaro! ♪

ROCKY:My voice changed.

(OFF KEY)♪ Figaro! ♪

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

(BABY CRYING) MAN: Look at that squirrel!

And I've had stage fright ever since.

Since when? Oh, since all that flashback stuff you just said.

And that's why I can't go out on stage and be your sous-chef.

What are we gonna do?

Not to worry, bestest buddy of mine.

I am going to cure you of your stage fright.

But the contest restarts in thirty minutes!

NARRATOR: (IN DRAMATIC VOICE) Bom, bom, bom!

What's with you guys and thirty minutes?

Come on, Rock.

That's plenty of time to fix a crippling lifelong phobia.

NARRATOR:As Bullwinkle tried to keep Rocky from going off the rails,

Boris and Natasha were trying to get their mission back on track.

Okay, when train comes, heavy wheels cut through chain, breaking us free!

Perfect!

Wait. I am on train tracks, won't I be squashed by train?

Eh. A small detail.

Is big detail. I won't do it.

Fine, train track baby. You want to switch? Let's switch.

Ha-ha!

Now who is going to get hit by train?

Okay, not my best plan.

NARRATOR:And that's why you should never stand on train tracks.

Anyway, on the other side of town...

According to these science-y brain doctors,

the best way to cure stage fright is to perform

in a safe and controlled environment.

Where are we gonna find one of those?

Right here. Say hello to your audience.

Puppets? I don't know about this.

It'll be great. Now start cooking, and I'll start audience-ing.

Okay, a dash of that...

Whoa, look! They really like you.

(WOODEN HANDS CLAPPING)

Aw, that's nice. This isn't so bad.

Did I say "like"? I meant they love ya, Rock! Standing ovation.

(CHEERING)

Hey, why are they doing that?

(BOOING)

Oops! Strings got a little tangled.

Keep going, I got it under control.

It's okay, Rocky. You got this.

Hey!

The art of puppetry is a little more complicated than I thought.

Bullwinkle, I don't think this is working!

I'm not controlling them anymore! Run!

(SCREAMING)

NARRATOR:Creepy! My dolls never do that. Anyway, at that very moment,

SHH Director Peachfuzz commenced Operation

Get-to-the-bottom- of-this-and-put- Rocky-and-Bullwinkle-away.

(GLASS BREAKING)

What are you hiding, Rocky and Bullwinkle?

Whatever it is, I'll find it.

And when I do...

I'm gonna put them away!

(TOILET FLUSHING)

Now. Stay calm. No one can ever know we were here.

(ALARM CLOCK RINGING)

It's a trap! They're onto us!

Ma'am! It's just an alarm clock, see?

Oh, they're good. Setting the alarm to throw me off.

Well, they won't get lucky twice.

(CLICK) (TV TURNS ON)

Aah!

(PHONE RINGING) Aah! They're onto us!

(TOASTER DINGING) You won't get Peachfuzz!

Housekeeping.

PEACHFUZZ: Aah! Again!

I come back.

Aah!

(PANTING)

Wait. "Call before the darkness.

"GW." This is it. It's some kind of code.

NARRATOR:But it wasn't a code. It was just Grandwinkle

reminding Bullwinkle not to call after sunset

in an unnecessarily cryptic way.

Yep. Definitely a code. Mission accomplished, agents.

We got the evidence and no one will ever know we were here.

BOTH: Uh...

NARRATOR: With minutes remaining before the competition,

Bullwinkle had one last chance to cure Rocky's stage fright.

I seriously don't know about this, Bullwinkle.

Trust me, Rock. You've heard the old saying...

"If you're nervous, just have people picture you in your underwear."

But isn't it, "You're supposed to picture them

"in their underwear"?

No. That would be plain rude.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) MAN: Look at that squirrel.

Oh, no. It's happening again!

Rocky!

Oh, it's no use. The competition starts in ten minutes.

You'll never be able to compete.

Hey, don't say that. We're a team. We'll figure something out.

But we've tried everything and nothing worked.

We haven't tried puppets. Oh, wait, yes, yes we did.

I'm sorry, Bullwinkle. Unless you can think of a way

to get rid of the audience, it's over.

Wait a second. Say that again.

What, "It's over"? No, before that.

"Unless you can think of a way"? No, the middle part.

"To get rid of"? A bit more...

"The audience, it's"?

That's it! We need to "get rid of the audience it's!"

And I know just how to do it.

Uh... Are you gonna tell me?

Later! It's more suspenseful this way.

NARRATOR: After a "suspenseful" pause,

the moment everyone was waiting for had arrived.

The first round of Le Grand Yum Yum.

No, stop! (RECORD SCRATCHING)

Are you narrating or telling me a bedtime story?

Because you're putting me to sleep, mate.

NARRATOR:Sorry. The exciting cook-tastic first round

of Le Grand Yum Yum.

Ten cooks enter, only three cooks leave!

Better. Now,

the first three chefs to finish tonight's challenge

will go on to the final round, where they'll compete for the title of...

Master Yum Yum.

All chefs will make the same dish:

orange tarragon duck with whipped artichoke mustard.

I found it to be an extremely complicated dish

the first time I made it...

when I was four.

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

You sure this'll work?

Sure, I'm sure.

With your goggles blacked out, you won't be able to see the audience.

One Rocky plus no audience equals zero stage fright.

Now, let's get our contestants out here and begin!

(AIR HORN BLOWING)

Wow. It works! I'm totally calm.

Told ya. Now remember, Rocky, I'll talk you through this step by step.

NARRATOR:Armed with his new and improved sous-chef, Bullwinkle began to cook,

but little did he know, Boris and Natasha

were cooking up a plan of their own.

Okay, all we have to do

is get super spy X-ray camera next to Moose's glove,

take super spy X-ray picture of pie recipe,

and get back to Fearless Leader.

Now hold onto camera and follow me.

Why do we have to get on catwalk?

(SIGHS) For comedy, darling.

(GRUNTING) Ouch, ooch, ooch, ouch, ooch, ouch!

NATASHA: See? Is so funny.

Carrot peeler. Third shelf up, five items to the right.

One, two, three, got it!

Sponge. You're doing great, Rock.

While I chop the artichokes, you grab the eggbeater at the end of the counter.

On it.

(GRUNTING) Ooch, ouch, ooch, ooch.

There's Moose.

Quick, give me super X-ray spy camera.

Ooh. (CHUCKLES)

You wouldn't happen to mean the camera I dropped off the catwalk, would you?

Ugh! (GRUNTING) Ouch, ooch, ooch, ouch.

We have our first completed dish. Ugo Torre!

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

Uh-oh. Only two slots left, Rock.

I'll need that eggbeater, stat.

Rocky? Where'd you go? Rocky!

NARRATOR: I'll tell you where he went, right into the path of danger

and carrots!

And that fiery pizza oven!

Anyone see a sous-chef about yea high? Can't see a thing?

About to possibly lose an important contest?

(GRUNTING) Owie, ouch... Oh.

Now get X-ray camera next to Moose gloves

so we can steal pie recipe inside.

Too high. All I see is lack of Moose brains.

Gotcha.

Gee, this counter goes on forever.

Rocky!

NARRATOR:As Bullwinkle ran to save his friend,

he knocked the X-ray camera into Lee Ling's mixing bowl,

which whipped Boris and Natasha off the catwalk

and left them hanging.

But who cares about them? What about Rocky?

Boy, it's hot. This egg beater had better be worth it.

Rocky! Stop! You were about to walk into an oven.

What? That's a stupid place to keep an eggbeater.

RAMSAY: We've got another winner!

Which means only one more team will make it to the finals.

It all comes down to who will finish their whipped artichoke mustard first.

Tick-tock. Tick-tock.

Oh, no! Without the eggbeater,

we can't whip the artichoke mustard.

Then you're going to lose!

And it's all my fault. Me and my stupid stage fright.

Rocky, do you trust me?

Bullwinkle, you're my best friend,

so I feel comfortable saying, "not always."

Good enough. Bullwinkle, what're you doing?

It's time to let your fear flag fly!

But...

NARRATOR:And as Rocky's stage fright went into overdrive,

so did Bullwinkle's new best-friend-powered,

artichoke-mustard mixing machine!

(AUDIENCE GASPING)

Suspenseful, right?

Finished!

And that's the third finalist.

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

And now, fireworks!

(expl*si*n) (FIREWORKS SCREACHING)

We did it, Bullwinkle!

Thanks to you, buddy.

This was fun episode.

We had fun stealing pie recipe,

Moose and Squirrel win fun cooking contest...

Look, Boris! Chain is breaking.

Oh! Will the fun never stop?

(METAL SNAPPING) Wait.

(BOTH SCREAMING)

Now, don't forget to join us in three days for Le Grand Yum Yum finale

in Prague, where our finalists

will try to win it all by making their signature dishes.

"Signature dishes?" I didn't know there was gonna be

a writing portion in this contest.

I think he just means you gotta bake your Grandwinkle's pie.

Oh, well, that I can do.

NARRATOR:And it was at that very second that Bullwinkle remembered something.

I did? Oh, right!

I just remembered I forgot to pack

the secret ingredient for my pie recipe.

What? But Bullwinkle, we can't win without it!

NARRATOR:Luckily, Bullwinkle knew just who to call to help him.

(PHONE RINGING)

Hello, my social security number is...

Grandwinkle? It's me, Bullwinkle.

NARRATOR:That's right, Bullwinkle's Grandwinkle,

who was currently vacationing in Norway.

Oh, hi, sweetie. How's your little cooking contest going?

That's why I'm calling, Grandwinkle.

NARRATOR:But little did they know, at that very moment,

Director Peachfuzz had tapped into Bullwinkle's phone and was listening in.

I need more of the you-know-what for the big event in three days.

"You know what"? "Big event"?

Are they talkin' about some catastrophic plot?

Bingo!

That confirms it! Get me on the first flight to Norway.

Whatever's going down in three days, we have to stop it.

NARRATOR: Can Rocky and Bullwinkle get the secret ingredient

before the final competition, or will SHH stop them?

What's with all the questions, mate? End the episode already!

NARRATOR:Sorry. Find out in our next exciting episode,

"I Did It Norway,"

or "Live and Let Pie."

(CLOSING THEME MUSIC PLAYING)