01x02 - Cowman and Ratboy/Cow's Best Friend

[bunniefuu]

Man: I'm just heading to the fields, duke, I'll be back.

[Sheep bleat]

Clear.

[♪...]

All right.

Rat-abunga!

Man: ♪ from the haystacks up to the hilltops ♪

♪ We go on dancing...

[Animals cheering]

♪ ...through the night

Ow, ow, ok, ow.

Ow!

Whoo!

♪ Do-si-do your partner, now

♪ Gonna party now till the morning light ♪

♪ Do-si-do and don't you know ♪

♪ It's just the way we animals roll. ♪

Ha-ha!

[♪...]

[♪...]

Woman: otis, you have to do something.

Pig is stinking up the barnyard again.

Well, you know, it's tricky, I mean

Look, I'm not really into stink, either, ok?

But, you know, when you weigh stink on a scale with confrontation...

Oh, honestly, otis.

Sometimes you're so... Mild-mannered.

She bought it, ready for action, chum?

Dude, I'm alwaysready.

[♪...]

Man: ah, there's nothing like a nice, relaxing game of...

[♪...]

♪ Skunky, skunky, I love my skunky ♪

Oh, you like getting brushed, don't you?

Oh, you are so- what, hey, hey, who's there?

I'm your worst nightmare, dirtbag.

I'm cowman.

And I'm his sidekick, ratboy.

Aw, come on, otis, not this stupid superhero game again.

That skunk'll smell sweeter once it's had a whiff of my...

Cow gas.

Pig: oh, lemony-fresh scents, it burns, it burns.

[Moos]

[Laughs] foiled again.

Cowman, my super-rat hearing is detecting yet more evil.

Your ears are our strongest ally.

Cowman...

And ratboy.

Both: away...

[Mooing]

[♪...]

Oh, this is just fantastic.

Let's do hair-pulling next.

Then we can poke ourselves with pins.

Sorry, bessy, but jazzercise don't help you stay in shape unless you do it crazy fast.

Like me.

You can dance, but you can't hide.

Cowman, no!

[Crashing noise]

[Coughs]

Uh...

Just as cowman planned.

No, you said we gonna come in and ...

Just as cowman planned.

Moo!

Moo!

No, no, I just say "moo."

Oh, ok. [Squeaks]

[Mooing]

Nathan.

That cow next door is acting crazy again.

You know "crazy."

Cowman, mrs. Beady's spying on us again.

Deploy the cow-maflouge.

Yeah, uh, what?

Get the balloon with the ink in it.

Oh, ok, balloon with ink, away.

I'll show you, mr. Lump.

I'll get that cow on video tape and then- ow!

Oh, maybe I'll just get a wash going.

Otis...

No need to thank me, moo!

Otis, we are sosick of this stupid game of yours.

Yeah, I hope you're faster than a speeding butt whuppin'.

Whoa, citizens no like-y the cowman.

Now you listen, otis.

Your idea to fight evil around the barnyard by becoming a superhero is just plain...

Dumb, d-u-m-n-seven-l, dumb.

Dude, there's no "l" in dumb-seven.

You two are the worst superheroes ever.

Uh, hey, excuse me, everyone, we are awesomesuperheroes.

We got cool costumes, wicked catchphrases...

And ingenious devices like otis's bover-rang, show 'em, otis.

Check it out.

[Grunts]

I can't feel my legs.

Um, just put some ice on your toes and the sensation should return to the...

To the cow-cycle!

[Mooing]

They're just wrong, pip.

I know we have what it takes to be superheroes.

Pip: we're way better than most of those other costumed losers out there.

Yeah, like the aqua dude.

I mean, his tights are silly, and how much crime really happens underwater?

Car.

Dude, i, like, cannot drive and b*at your high score at the same time.

Sure, you can, dude.

Just let go of the round thingy.

Huh, yeah, completely.

♪ Doodly-doodly-doot-doot

[Screaming]

Fling me, otis, I can make it.

What, but I can't throw you, I might...

Fling me.

[Grunts]

[Drivers scream...]

[Otis grunts]

[Screaming]

[Grunts and gasps]

Whew.

Double "whew."

Huh.

We're gonna live!

We're livers.

Dude, you totally said "we're livers."

Driver: ♪ livers, we're totally livers. ♪[Passenger laughs]

♪ We are livers

[Grunts and gasps]

Um, this isn't what it looks like.

I am not a cow, I'm a...

Yeah, we know, you're a superhero.

Superhero-dido.

♪ Deedly-deedly-deedly, deedly-dee ♪

Oh, yeah, right, right.

Aw, awesome costume, bro.

Gotta get a snap-ola of the super-dude who saved us.

Don't forget me, I helped, too.

Whoa...

A sidekick with the power to super-shrink.

Yah, side-shrink.

Works for me.

What's your name, dude?

I'm cowman.

And I am ratboy.

Awesome. [Camera clicks]

Otis: in your faces, people.

We aresuperheroes, we just performed a daring rescue.

And got free pizza.

We know, otis, it's so excitin'.

Otis: you know?

Man on tv: and looks like the county has a town superhero.

A man dressed in a cow suit calling himself "cowman."

And ratboy.

They never say ratboy. [Squeaks]

This is awesome, we're famous.

And pip and I have this great idea.

We totally want you guys to join us.

Yeah, I'll do that right after never.

Aw, come on, bessy, we designed costumes for everyone.

Together, we can combat evil as...

The justice brood.

Oh, no way, these tights will accentuate my love-handles.

Dude, you're percent love-handles.

Your face has love-handles.

Can I wear, like, a poncho or something?

Reporter: attention, this just in.

A daringbank robbery has just taken place.

The suspect was last seen headed south on route one.

All right.

There's a robbery right near here, we can totally nail this crook.

Let me think about it... No.

I'm allergic to bank robbers.

Well, this is the first time I agree with that freaky mongoose or whatever he is.

Well, oh, ok, fine, you know what?

More crime fighting for us, whiners.

Come on, pip, justice isn't going to serve itself.

[♪...]

Mrs. Beady: nathan, it's that cow from next door

The one that's always making fun of me.

Flight control to your mind, you're going down, pull up, pull up.

Pip: it's the perp.

How do we stop him?

Leave that to me, old chum.

Super lacto-powers, lactivate.

[Tires screeching]

[Gasps]

Robber: whoa-oh-oh-oh [grunts].

Otis: you're coming with me, stink-sack.

Robber: hey, you're that cowman guy from tv.

[Laughs] you'll never take me alive.

Yes, I will.no, you won't.

Will too.nuh-uh.

Uh, yuh-huh.robber: nuh-uh.

You might as well just turn yourself in now.

Pip: otis, I mean, cowman, wait for me.

[♪...]

[Screams]

Nathan, that crook from tv just kicked our door in.

You're mad, gal.

Just one of them salesmen, they're gettin' bold.

Quiet, lady, cowman's on my tail.

[Gasps] cowman?

Tell me everything.

Can't let him harm mrs. Beady...

Then again, nah, nah, I better stop him.

It is i, the uddered avenger.

I am just in-cow-nate.

I am...

[Clunking noise]

Sleepy.

[Laughs]

Thanks for the help, lady.

Now I'm out of here.

Oh, not so fast.

You're in this with me, so get back inside!

Holy steak-and-eggs, we need back-up.

[♪...]

Guys, otis has been captured, we gotta do something.

I knew you and the dynamic doofus would mess things up.

Oh, poor otis, oh, I wish we could help.

Maybe we can, pig.

Maybe...

We...

Can.

You're scaring me.

[Grunts]ma'am, as a deputized officer of the law

I must warn you that you will not get away...

Oh, hush.

I know who you really are, you're one of those talking animals from next door.

Ok, uh, this is getting a little weird for me.

Mrs. Beady: because of you, people laugh and call me crazy.

Not anymore!

Unmask him.

Ooh, I ain't getting too close.

What if he has super-melty vision or something?

Oh, for goodness' sake.

Here, you tape us, I'll unmask him myself.

Now cowman, let's see who you really are.

[Crashing noise]woman: back off, fiend.

Oh, I love what you done with the place.

Are those the original sconces?

Who are you?

I'm cowgirl.

And I'm mr. Ham-tastic.

Paranoid man, reporting, stop looking at me.

And the green rooster.

Together, we are...

The justice brood.

Hey, peck, I was supposed to say that.

I waited, but you didn't jump in.

Can we make our entrance again?

Uh, fellows, I think I split my pants.

Oh, enough of this.

And skunk.

[Gasps]

To me, green rooster.

"To me," what's that supposed to mean?

I was hoping you knew.

I'm getting out of this nuthouse.

Not on cowman's watch.

[♪...]

Ratboy, cow-tapult.

Rat-abunga!

[Robber screams and laughs]

It's milkin' time, filth bag.

[Thudding noise]

He's all yours, officers.

Thank goodness for you, cowman.

[Sirens wail in distance]

Let's fight some more crime, cowman.

I been practicin' my battle cry, moo...

Yeah, ok, good, good-good-good-good, yeah, we got it.

Um, you know, maybe we should just go back to our lair.

Justice brood...

Away.

[Shouting and grunting]

Abby: oh, being superheroes was awesome, otis, can we do it again?

Of course, abby.

With great cow-power comes great cow-responsibility.

Great, more cows in spandex.

Hey, look up in the sky.

Wow, they're summoning cowman.

You gonna go, otis?

Otis?

Hey, anybody ever notice that otis and cowman

Are never together at the same time?

You really are flavors of dumb, aren't you?

Otis: cowman...

Pip: and ratboy, away... Are we there yet?

Otis: no.pip: how much longer?

Otis: um, not much longer.

Pip: how many miles?

Otis: why are you asking these questions?

Pip: how come my face isn't up there?

Otis: because you're a sidekick.

Pip: so sidekicks don't get signals?

Otis: cowman ignoring-powers, activate.

[Squeaks]

[♪...]

[♪...]

♪ Psycho tractor cruisin' down the highway of pain ♪

♪ Of pain

♪ Psycho tractor

♪ Tillin' the soil of my brain, psycho tractor ♪

♪ Ow, ow, ow

Ow, ow, ok, ow and ow.

Ow!

Thank you.

Well, that sounded like we've never rehearsed

Can't play a note and have no business playing music.

So you're saying...

We was born to rock-n-roll!

That's right, baby, right here.yeah, bang your head, baby.

Uh-oh, hide the fun, here comes mcstuff the crime dog.

[♪...]

Gentlemen, as the barnyard safety inspector

I have some concerns about your concert tonight.

Dude, you're not the safety inspector.

You chewed that hat off one of your dog-toys.

Nevertheless, it comes with certain responsibilities.

Now I'm told you have expl*sives on the premises.

Oh, you mean our big pyrotechnical fireworks finale.

Come on, officer bum-out, it's being totally handled by experienced experts.

[expl*si*n and rooster clucks]

[Coughs] we're ok.

We meant to do that.

That's going on my report.

Duke, I'll tell you what.

You forget about this little report of yours

And I will let you sit in with the band.

Otis, I am offended.

Are we talking lead vocals?

Absolutely not.

Then I am offended that you would try to

Bribe your way out of this serious issue.

Take this rope, for instance.

Someone could trip over this and burst into flames.

Duke!

[In slow motion]no...

Otis, you saved my life.

Not to mention the rental fee on that amp.

Yeah, you know what, don't even worry about it, it's fine.

Don't worry about it?

Otis, I'm a dog, I'm loyal to anyone who scratches my ear for two seconds.

But this, this, baby, this is big.

You know what, duke, it's really not that big of a deal.

You would've done the same thing for me.

Hear me, otis.

From this point on, I will devote my entire life to serving you.

How might I please you, sir?

Ok, honestly, it's really not...

Not a bad idea.

Otis would like a large pizza with anchovies, fries, waffles, jalapeño peppers on it.

Did I forget anything?

Um... Chocolate and hay?

You got it, boss.

[Laughs]

You, my friend, are an evil genius.

[Laughs]and you're so cute with your little rat-face.

Pip: thank you.

Oh, mm, mm, mm-mm-mm-mm.

Pip: man, this a good pizza.

Hey, you should've saved duke's life a long time ago.

Yeah, I know, right?

Hey, uh, let's get some more rehearsing in, ok?

Tongues out, pizza off the faces, watch the drool.

And a one, two...

[Leaf-blower whirrs]

Duke, hello, stop.

What are you doing?

These noisy leaves were rustling.

Just showing my gratitude to the guy who...

[Tearfully] the guy who saved my...

Ok, ok, no need to cry.

All right, all right, all right, you can keep helping me, ok?

[Cries]

Ok, on the downbeat.

[Chainsaw buzzes]

Duke: just tackling the problem at its source.

How're the fireworks coming, boys?

Oh, you are gonna love it, otis.

We're spelling out the band's name in fiery letters across the sky.

Yeah, "the barn buh."

"The barn buh"?

But we're the barn burners.

We ran out of fireworks, so you're the barn buh, now.

Get along, little duke-y. [Laughs]

Hey, boss, I let pip ride me here like a horse, like you asked.

Um...[Laughs] I'm pretty sure I didn't...

Ow, shin.

My paw slipped.

Anyway, I'm glad you're all here.

Since I have something I'd like to express to otis...

In song.

Sweet cud, no.

Pip: gotta see this, this'll be great.

[♪...]

♪ Dogs are known as man's best friend ♪

♪ But, hey, that's all about to end ♪

♪ As of this moment, here and now ♪

♪ I pledge my allegiance to a cow ♪

Oh, that, that is really catchy, good stuff, top-notch, grade "a."

Uh, too bad that had to be over so soon.

That bad, huh?

Sorry, I just wanted to let you know how much your friendship...

[Tearfully] means to... I'm sorry.

He was just trying to be nice, otis.

Yeah, but... [Groans]

Duke, buddy, I'm sorry.

Will you please finish your song?

♪ Can do.

♪ How great it is otis, he's a number ♪

♪ On a grading scale that goes up to seven... ♪

It rhymed.

Duke: ♪ okla-otis, he's a cow who this dog thinks is great ♪

♪ Nutty... [Otis screams]

♪ Nutty about my pal otis

♪ Otis is the b*mb, a shoe-in for sainthood ♪

♪ But then he'd have to die, a concept that ain't good ♪

♪ What's up with that?

I think we lost him.

It's about time.

I know the guy means well, but he's driving me nuts.

The guy's a total nuisance.

Duke: oh, uh, otis...

Pip: over here!shh, shh, shh.

Hey, otis. [Barks]

I brought you some lunch and those "pepe the mouse" comic books pip says you like so much.

Oh, I got so much stuff for you.

Duke, you are too kind, but this is not necessary, you know?

Mm, mm.

Hey, what's in this sandwich?

Veggie salami...mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

I pre-chewed it so you wouldn't lose precious jaw energy.

You, you pre-chewed this sandwich in my mouth?

Mm-hmm.

So the sandwich in my mouth was previously in your mouth.

Nice taste, huh?

[Otis screams...]

Spit sandwich!

[Gags]

Well, I'm done.

Otis, what are you doing?

Duke is driving me nuts. [Laughs crazily]

See, I saved his life, and he won't leave me alone.

I try, but he's always right here.

Well, just be honest with him, otis.

Friends appreciate honesty.

So you think I should fake a life-threatening situation

So duke will save me, and then we'll be even, then he'll leave me alone.

I will do it!

He's gone, but you can still smell the stupid.

[♪...]

The clam is on the escalator.

Excuse me?

It's a code, "the clam" is duke, see.

So, what, duke's on an escalator?

I, what?

Dude, I'm pretty sure dogs aren't allowed on escalators.

What, did the clam sneak him in?

Maybe he's a seeing-eye dog for the clam.

Oh, for snout's sake, duke is coming.

Hey, otis, I just came by to see if you needed...

Oh, no, otis seems to be choking on a apple.

Only you can help him, duke.

I'll save you, buddy.

[Otis and duke grunt]

I'm pretty sure you're supposed to do that from the other side.

Don't worry, don't worry, I'm a trained professional.

[Duke grunts and gags]

[Coughs]

Oh, you have got to be kidding me.

[Coughs and gasps]

You saved my life again.

Boy, if you thought I was devoted to you before

You ain't seen nothin'yet.

[Whimpers]

I know, saving a life is very emotional.

You can wipe your nose on me if you want.

Pst, I'm not wearing any pants.

What's that code for?

That wasn't a code, I just felt like sharing.

Hey, look, here comes duke.

Help, help.

I'm a large cow who is drowning, won't someone save me?

Duke: otis, don't worry, stay there, I'll save you.

Help, help, I just, I can't swim!

What about the doggy paddle, it's got "doggy" in the name.

I never learned it...

And... He's down.

[Groans]

[Splashes]

Otis, he needs mouth-to-mouth.

Yeah, well, I already ate his spit once, so one of you guys hop on that.

My mouth too small.

And I'm saving myself for that special someone.

[Groans] ok...

[Inhales]

Dog lips.

[Exhales]

I keep forgetting if we're supposed to use

One ounce of blast powder or one -pound barrel of blast powder.

Well, you know what the old saying is

"When in doubt, go with the larger of the two amounts of blast powder."

Yeah. Thanks a lot, fred.

Ooh, here he comes, here he comes.

Duke, help!

I've accidentally climbed up to the top of this silo

And then I have unfortunately slipped, my life is in peril.

Hang on, otis, I'll get a ladder.

How could he possibly mess this one up?

Here I come, buddy, I'm coming for you, otis.

Otis: ok, I'm waiting.

Hey, my favorite ball.

I lost that three months ago.

Ok, ball's not in danger of dying over here, focus.

Right-right-right, saving your life.

[Grunts]

[Barks]

Less barking, more saving.

[Wood creaks]

Hey...

Um...

[Screams]

[Grunts]

[Duke pants]

[Ball squeaks]

Ok.

No more, I give up.

I cannot do this anymore.

What, play fetch?

No.

I can't keep faking life-threatening situations so you'll save me

And we'll be even and then you'll finally leave me alone.

I was just trying to be nice since you saved... [Cries].

Duke, duke, don't cry, look, I'm sorry, I'm not trying to hurt your feelings

But please stop being nice to me.

I understand, I'll, uh, I'll stay away.

Thank you.

Maybe now I can practice for tonight's...

What, my foot's caught.

Now expl*sives can be highly unpredictable, freddy, you want to help me do a test run?

You had me at "expl*sives."

Uh, duke, hey, buddy, you want to untie the foot over here?

Don't worry, otis, I'm not stupid, I heard you loud and clear.

No-no-no-no, I know what I said, but listen, I really, seriously need your help now, ok?

See, you're playing with me, that's just cruel.

Whoa, hey, ho, hey, ooh.

Fuse, fireworks, pain, help!

[Sniffs] hmm?

Otis!

Uh, hurry, hurry.

My paws are slippery, they're damp.

Otis: avoid fiery death.

Duke: I'm doing my best...

It's gonna get really blow-up-y in a second.

[Moos]

[Fireworks whistle]

"The barn bu," it's growing on me.

Otis: this is great, duke.

Now we are actually, genuinely even, and everything can go back to normal.

Even?

Otis, your little stunts almost got me k*lled times today.

I figure you owe me.

I owe you?

Mm-hmm.

All right, fine, whatever, what do you want?

You want to pre-chew my food, you want to ride around on my back?

You want me to read you spanish comics, name it, name it.

I had something else in mind.

[Cheering]

♪ Heavy paws of lead, fill the sheep with dread ♪

♪ No one leaves the pen, iron dog lives again ♪

♪ [Howling]

[Sighs]

[Chicks chirping]

[♪...]

Man: oh...

[♪...]