01x11 - Big Top Barnyard/Pigmalion

[bunniefuu]

I'm just heading to the fields, duke, I'll be back.

[Animal noises]

Clear!

[♪...]

All right!

"Rat-abunga!"

Man: ♪ from the haystacks up to the hilltops ♪

♪ We go on dancing...

[Animals cheering]

♪ ...through the night

Ow, ow, ok, ow.

Ow!

Whoo!

♪ Do-si-do your partner, now

♪ Gonna party now till the morning light ♪

♪ Do-si-do and don't you know ♪

♪ It's just the way we animals roll. ♪

Ha-ha!

[♪...]

Cow: guys, guys, guess what.

You're / dolphin?

You won the nobel prize?

You're taking us all to las vegas?

Nope, keep guessing.

You found a bag of money?

You discovered atlantis.

You got two days to live?

Keep guessing.

[♪...]

You were named regional manager of a large northeastern supermarket chain?

Otis, can't you just tell us your news?

[Snoring]

Augh, tiny gong.

Oh, right, my news.

All right, where'd my dad used to take me all the time, and I've loved it ever since?

The moron festival?

Yes... Uh, no, the circus.

Flying juanita's traveling circus

Is performing in town and they're marching down main street in five minutes!

[Gasping and cheering]

I love the circus.

Me too, I even went to circus camp.

I was famous for my triple "flipperoo."

[Snoring]

Girl: otis. What, what, triple, uh, flip-tuh-mah-loo, yeah.

That's great when you say things, abby.

Come on, let's go check it out, guys.

[♪...]

This stinks, I can't see a thing.

Hey, let's climb that water tower and get a better view.

I can see fine from here. Chicken: too high.

"Good idea, otis."

"Count me in."

"I want to eat peck."

"What freddy said was weird, but I also would like to climb that tower."

Well, since everyone else wants to.

Mouse: I'm down. Peck: you got it.

Abby: I'm in.

[Grunts] just a little bit higher, guys.

Pig? Pig: yeah.

Please tell me that's your stomach.

Uh, it's not me.

Milk me.

[Screaming...]

[Crowd gasps]

[Crashing noise]

Oh, no, I smushed the circus.

Moo. Oink, oink. Cock-a-doodle, uh, doo.

Ferret, ferret.

Man: is juanita ok?

Man: did you see that?

Hmm.

Man: that water tower just fell from a great height.

Man: it's just a flesh wound.

[Speaking in spanish]

[In spanish accent] flying juanita, flying juanita, are you ok?

My arm-bone, I think she is cr*ck-ed.

Gah, feel so guilty...

About the freak wind storm that caused all this, that's where the guilt's coming from.

Tonight's show was going to pay our bills.

With so many of my performers hurt

I am afraid my circus, she will have to close for good.

What?

No. [Crashing noise]

The circus, she must go on.

Juanita: my arm-bone.

Look, juanita.

What if I could find you some circus performers

Who could do tonight's show and give you all the ticket money?

Really, señor?

Oh, but it is no use.

All the people, they want to see my signature trick.

The triple "flipperoo."

Triple flipper...

Where have I heard that before?

[Speaking in abby's voice] I was famous for my triple "flipperoo."

[Speaking in abby's voice] I was famous for my triple "flipperoo."

I was famous for my triple "flipperoo."

Abby.

Juanita, your circus will go on as planned.

And so with abby doing her famous triple "flipperoo..."

We're putting on a circus tonight.

[Cheering]

I call sword swallower.

Peck and I are circus clowns.

I'll be sheep tamer.

Don't you mean lion tamer?

You kidding, that's dangerous.

I guess there's nothing for a little mouse like me to do.

Sorry, I didn't catch that...

World's tiniest man.

It's the role I was born to play.

Otis, I need to talk to you for a minute.

You got it, star-performer- without-whom-we-have-no-show.

Otis, I can't do the triple "flipperoo."

What, but you said you could.

Wow, what a liar.

No, I mean I won't do it.

Not after... That terrible night.

Otis: what's over there, what are you looking at?

[♪...]

Crowd: one, two, three.

[Gasping]

Abby, why...

[Crashing noise]

And it was all my fault.

Wow, so did he...

Get horribly injured?

No, he was ok.

Though he still smiles at the wrong things.

The point is I can never trust myself on the trapeze again.

Even if I were your partner?

You, oh, otis, I couldn't...

Listen to me, abby. I couldn't do it.

No, listen. No...

No, listen, we're gonna do this together.

You're not gonna drop me, I trust you.

Oh, otis.

Ok, i... I'll try.

[Giggles]

It's a good thing she likes you.

Why's that?

She can feed you soup when all your limbs are broken.

You tiny men are so bitter.

[♪...]

[Bleating]

Uh, insert sword into mouth...

Hey, how's the sword-swallowing coming, pig?

Oh, I can't seem to get the hang of it.

I can give you some tips.

Let's see, what can I use for a sword?

Uh, a sword?

I know, I'll use peck.

Huh, but I'm not... [Squawks]

It's all about concentration.

[Peck squeals]

There, well, I hope that helped, see you.

[Peck squawks]

I would've done that eventually.

Hi, hi.

Guys, come on, jump through the hoop.

What's our motivation?

I'm the animal tamer, you're supposed to get tamed.

Aren't you just perpetuating outdated stereotypes?

I concur, this crude display of power demeans us all.

[Sighs]

Ok, let's review.

Uh, I swing out and let go of the trapeze.

Then you swing out, do three mid-air flips

Catch me and swing us both back.

Right.

All right, this is good, I'm a winner, I can do this.

Here I come.

Otis, don't let go, I can't do it.

What?

[Grunts and gasps]

Ok, that was so opposite the plan.

I just almost let go, and your loud words

Would not have prevented the shattering of my many bones.

I can't do it, otis.

I can't risk dropping you.

What, the thing at the circus camp with the guy?

That was so long ago.

Your hooves are probably much "grippier" now.

Otis, I'm glad you trust me.

But I could never forgive myself if I hurt you.

But... Juanita... The circus.

I'm sorry, otis, I won't do it.

I quit.

Juanita's circus.

Uh, you mind moving that back- ow.

[General conversation]

[Applause and cheering...]

Ladies and gentlemen...

Welcome to flying otis's traveling circus.

[Cheering and applause]

Wait just a minute.

That ringmaster is a cow.

Man: easy, lady, you ain't no supermodel yourself. [Laughs]

For our first act, facing down a flock of fluffy, fluffy, man-eating lions

Please welcome, the amazing duke...

[Bleating]

[Gasping]

Pyramid, pyramid, I say.

Thank you.

Every moment, my life is in jeopardy.

Figure eight, you animals.

Easy with the whip, hot-sh*t.

Figure eight, I said.

We're warning you.

That's it. It's go time.

[Bleating]

[Jeering]

[Laughs nervously] lions, such jokesters.

Always pretending to eat people who are whipping at 'em and stuff

And- hey, look, clowns.

[♪...]

[Peck shrieks]

[Peck shrieks]

[Fuse hisses and burns]

[Laughter]

They love us.

I know, that trick always slays 'em.

So... What happens now?

Now we land on the soft cushions which I've- [grunts].

[Whispers:] hey, etta, have you seen abby?

Etta: no sign of her, otis.

Oh, well, oh.

[Laughs nervously]

Clap, clap, how can you not love clowns and their clowning?

And now, ladies and gentlemen

Put your hands together for the great "piguardo."

My friends, a warning.

Sword-swallowing is extremely dangerous to the untrained professional.

Which is why I will never do it.

[Sword clanking, sheep bleating]

Instead, I shall now eat this entire tray of egg rolls

Without the aid of any sauce or dips.

[Pig eats noisily] [crowd jeers]

Amazing.

How can you top an awesome act like that?

With freaks, that's how.

From deep within the jungles of borneo

Please welcome the world's tiniest man.

[Gasping]

Watch him... Comb his hair.

Hit a golf ball.

Dance the hora.

["Hava nagila" plays]

He's hideous, yet adorable.

How does he buy pants?

Ok, thanks, freak.

You got it.

Well, that's about it for us here at the circus.

Hey, floss those teeth, drive safe

And remember, we were not animals, good night.

[Jeering]

[Audience chants] "flipperoo," "flipperoo..."

That's, that's what I meant.

I'll be right back with that.

Guys, they're chanting rhythmically.

If we don't deliver a triple "flipperoo"

They'll want their money back.

Juanita will be heh-ruined.

But abby's the only one who can do it.

And no one's seen her all night.

There's only one thing to do.

Ladies and gentlemen...

Please direct your attention high above the center ring

For the triple "flipperoo."

Gulp.

Abby, abby.

Augh, tiny man.

No, it's me, pip.

Pip, what are you doing here?

Otis is about to do a triple "flipperoo" with pig.

What, that's crazy dangerous.

I know, what are we gonna do?

[♪...]

Pip: how'd you get that picture?

Uh, abby?

Augh, tiny man!

Oh, right, sorry.

Otis has never let us down, not even once.

And I'm not about to let him down, come on.

[Chanting] "flipperoo, flipperoo..."

"Flipperoo, flipperoo..."

[Grunting] [audience gasps]

Oh, no.

I'm sorry, pig, I never should've asked you to do this.

I think we'll be ok as long as we hit the net.

Otis: um... Yeah, listen...

Pig: there is no net, is there?

Otis: not really, no.

[Both scream] [audience gasps]

Hang on, otis.

[Screaming...]

[Otis gasps]

[Cheering]

[Otis and pig scream]

[Audience cheers] [crashing noise]

I don't know how to thank you, abby.

You saved my life and juanita's circus.

I should thank you, otis.

You taught me to trust myself again.

[Airplane buzzes]

Hey, otis, it's juanita.

She wants to know if we know anyone

Who can high-dive into a t*nk of deadly sharks.

I can't, not after that horrible day at shark-t*nk camp.

[Gasps and cries]

Tell her it's a definite maybe.

["Rule, britannia!" Playing...]

Jackknife.

Swan dive.

Abby: pass the popcorn.

Pip: cannonball...

[Screams]

Mm, buttery.

Duke: hey, come on, hooves off the table.

Would you please use your coasters?

Ugh, I should have never let you guys in here.

Duke, chill, the farmer's at the world rutabaga summit

Which means we can kick it in peace.

Hey, who wants fudge-covered cheese-pops with ranch dressing?

Everyone: me, me, me...

I couldn't find any nuts, so I used stink-beetles.

Everyone: ew, what, pig...

Ok, everybody, settle down, guys.

"Pampered pets" is starting.

Freddy: sweet, scoot over.

Hey, move your butt.

Pig: oh, sorry, how's this? Pip: augh, get off.

Man: this week we set sail for castle fripplehoot.

Where prince fripplehoot treats his pigs like royalty.

Wow...

Host: it's only the best for these high-born hogs

As they savor luxuries most animals can only dream of.

But only porkers from the same royal lineage

Can park it at this piggy palace.

Just look for the tell-tale birthmark on their pampered heinies.

Pip: hey, pig's got the same birthmark.

Which I'll probably see in my nightmares tonight.

You're joking, right?

Show the butt, pig-ster.

Pig: here you go.

Pip: look at that. Otis: pig.

Have you ever looked at your own butt?

Um... You've got the royal birthmark.

Do you have any idea what this means?

Yes, yes... No.

It means you come from the same family as those pigs.

By this time next week, buddy, you could be living the good life.

Wow, the good life.

I'm imagining it now.

[Snoring]

Wait a minute, I think I'm already living the good life.

Yeah, but if this fripplehoot weiner invites you to live at the castle

We can come along as your entourage.

[Overlapping conversation]

I want to eat royal chickens.

What?

I mean, I want to meet royal chickens and...

Have... Jam and bread... Otis: oh, ok.

Well, I don't want to stomp on anyone's dreams, I'm in.

[Cheering]

Abby, break out the camera, we got butt pictures to fax.

Pip: we need the wide angle.

[Cash register dings]

[♪...]

Wow, uh, gives me a lot to choose from.

[Fax machine beeps]

Now we wait.

[Fax machine rings]

Fantastic, I hate waiting. Me too.

[In british accent] piney oaks farms.

Yeah, hi, I just got this here butt-fax...

[Shudders] wrong number.

[Fax machine ringing]

[In british accent] hello?

This is prince fripplehoot.

Oh, the prince, yes, good.

Lord mayor inspector professor otis speaking.

[Laughs nervously]

I see you've acquired the butt-fax.

We shall start filling our wardrobes with our things.

Not so fast.

Your pig may be royal, but to live at castle fripplehoot

He must behave like a royal.

The pigs and I will arrive in three days to assess his suitability, ta-ta.

Guys, we got three days to turn pig into a well-bred gentlemen.

"Save me, mud-man, save me."

"I'll save you, lady.

Armpit-fart activate."

We're hosed.

Super-hosed.

All right, let's begin.

Right, says in this book that a true gentleman

Is always clean and pleasant-smelling.

Clear.

[Pig sputters]

Now this here page says, "table manners are the hallmark of the distinguished gentleman."

So, uh, why is pip attaching electrodes to me?

Negative reinforcement.

Each time you do something messy or uncouth

Pip will administer tiny shocks to your body.

Hey, I'm not sure I like the sound of...

[Grunting and shuddering]

We're up and running.

Oh, excellent, guys, lunch is served.

Ooh, good, pizza.

[Grunts and shudders]

"A gentleman should always use a Kn*fe and a fork."

Ah.

[Grunts and shudders]

Don't chew with your mouth open.

Fine.

[Grunts]

Hey, what was that for?

Paw slipped.

Aw, forget you guys, I'm starving.

[Grunts, shudders and eats noisily...]

Now that hits the spot.

[♪...]

So after three days of hard work with pig, we've accomplished...

[Grunts]

Hey...

Zip, nada. Absolutely nothing.

Pig, what gives, I mean...

This is our one chance to live the good life

And you're barely trying.

No, I am trying, otis.

There's just too much pressure.

Pressure, what pressure, what are you talking about?

[Car horn honks]

It's the prince.

Ok, pig, our entire future is riding on what you say and do next.

Eep.

Otis: welcome to piney oaks, prince fripplehooters.

Fripplehoot. Yes, quite.

May I see the pig?

Oh, yes, of course, your "princefulness."

Present the pig...

[♪...]

Hmm?

[Farting noise]

Ugh, ugh...

Oh, oh, that was my chattery bottom.

Anyway, there, you can clearly see his birthmark

And as you can see, he is clearly a gentleman

So, uh, done deal, am I right, where do we sign?

Aubrey, max.

I'll let his fellow royals determine his worthiness.

If they take to him, he may come to live at the castle.

See you in hours.

Have a good .

[Whispers:] do whatever you have to do to make them like you.

'Kay, bye.

[Whispers:] whatever you have to do.

'Kay, you kids have fun.

[Whispers:] I'm not kidding, whatever...

I get it.

Look, let's cut this short, shall we?

Cousin or not, you're clearly not royal material.

Look at his silly, little face.

Aw, come on, guys, I'm real sophisticated.

Give me a sh*t.

[Sighs] oh, very well.

Shall we repair to the mudhole?

Yeah, let's do it.

Uh, I mean, uh, after you.

Thank you, or should I say, "you're a dirty peasant."

[Both laughing]

Max: you did say it.

Aubrey: ...and I pointed it out to you.

'Kay, fellows, check it out.

"Pig-abunga..."

Ugh...

You've splattered us, you horrible fellow.

What's wrong, don't you guys like mud-diving?

Now I shall have to soak myself in rosewater for a week.

Excuse me, gentlemen.

Lord otis sent me over here with some towels.

Aw, thanks, duke, buddy.

"Duke, buddy"?

That's what you call the help?

Entirely too familiar.

Uh, what I meant to say was, uh, "hey, flea-bag, these towels are too poofy."

Yes, much better.

Quite. Yes.

Hey, work with me, duke.

I think I know how to win these guys over, ok?

You butt-sniffing hydrant jockey.

This is what I think of your impudence.

[Screams]

[Both laughing]

Delicious.

Flick his bottom, flick it, flick his bottom, flick it.

And that's for making eye contact.

He shows promise.

So what's next?

Oh, let's have a round of croquet.

Then flick more bottoms. [Laughs]

Great job, buddy.

[Growls]

Your mallet, my liege.

Thanks, freddy, er...

I mean, you stupid weasel.

Look at this mallet, it's not even spit-shined.

[Both laughing]

"Spit-shined."

Uh, right, uh, terribly sorry.

I'll spit on it immediately.

Not now, you idiot, it's too late.

[Grunts] I'm ok.

Darn, shanked it.

Good sh*t. [Laughs] [laughs]

We like the cut of your jib, old man.

Let's have some tea, oh, I'm famished.

More marmalade, master pig?

Thank you, abby, f.y.i., You're a doofus.

[Laughing]

Pig: I called her a doofus.

[Whimpers]

Pig: that's pretty good, huh?

We simply adore how cruel you are to the help.

Yes... You do have some rough edges, to be sure

But only because you live amongst the rabble. [Laughs]

Oh, and how the rabble vex me.

[Laughs] there's a hundred-dollar word.

Oh, I like it.

Oops. Ow.

Sorry, sir.

That's ok, my fault, I mean...

You clumsy, oafish nincompoop.

Look what you did.

[Cries]

That seemed rather hostile.

Downright cruel. Yes.

He's in. Done and done.

[Laughing]

Max: welcome, welcome, welcome.

Freddy: he slapped me with a glove.

Peck: he hit me with a croquet ball.

Abby: he called me an oafish nincompoop.

Whoa-whoa-whoa, guys, guys, look.

I know pig, and I am sure that once he's away from those porky snobs

He'll be the same charming blob of goo we all know and love.

Good morrow, commoners.

Uh, someone draw me a foot-bath.

Wow, pig, what's the deal, why are you being so mean to everybody?

What, I was just getting on max and aubrey's good side like you wanted me to.

But you don't have to be such a jerk about it.

Yeah. You're one of us, remember?

Hey, you're the ones who got me into this, so don't yell at me.

[Overlapping conversation]

Guys, guys, the prince is back.

The pigs have spoken.

Your pig may come to live at castle fripplehoot.

Awesome... Is what an american would say.

Uh, "ducky" is much more our vernacular.

Now he'll be bringing or so other animals with him

Uh, servants, poker buddies and whatnot.

No-no-no-no-no, out of the question.

No non-royals allowed.

[Gasping]

Now I'll be right back with the royal affidavits.

Otis, i...

It's all right, pig.

Just 'cause we can't live the good life

Doesn't mean you should miss out.

Just sign here, lord mayor inspector professor

And your pig will begin his glorious, new life.

[Sighs]

[Grunts]

[Inhales deeply]

[Burps...]

[Groaning]

It's... Inhuman.

Ok, you snotty, little trolls.

Let's go to your stupid castle.

I'm afraid you're not coming with us.

I shan't look at him any longer.

I feel faint.

There, there, aubrey, let us leave this terrible place.

Pig: guys, come back.

Hey, I found a pickle under my third chin.

[Cheering]

Pig, why'd you do that?

I mean, why'd you throw away your one chance to live the good life?

Like I told you before, otis...

Living here with you guys, I'm already living the good life.

Everyone: aww, pig...

Pig: now who wants to roll around in their own filth?

Everyone: we do.

Actually, no, not so much.

Otis: my filth is not good.

More for me.

[Splashing noise]

[♪...]

Man: oh...

Man: mation.

[♪...]