02x24 - Four Leaf Otis/Cop Cow

[bunniefuu]

- I'm just heading to the fields, duke.

I'll be back.

[Sheep bleating]

- Clear!

[Upbeat hoedown music]

- All right!

♪

- Rat-a-bunga!

- ♪ From the haystacks up to the hilltops ♪

♪ We go on dancing

- Whoo-hoo! Whoa!

Ow, ow! Okay, ow.

Ow!

- ♪ Do si do your partner now ♪

♪

♪ Party till the morning light ♪

♪

♪ Do si do and don't you know ♪

♪ It's just the way we animals roll ♪

[Motor roaring]

- Ha ha!

[All snoring]

[Air horn blaring]

- Top of the morning.

- Otis. - What's going on?

- Faith and begorra. Liam neeson.

Kiss me blarney stone.

- What's with the green hats and the being cheerful?

- Wake up and smell the shamrocks, people.

Today's st. Patrick's day.

- Gee, otis, I didn't know

You were such a fan of irish culture.

- If by irish culture, you mean green money,

Then, aye, laddie.

- Otis, what are you talking about?

- Today's the day the farmer makes half his money

Selling his potato crop at the st. Patty's spud fair.

- Do I hear $? $, $, $, $.

$, $, Here me holler another dollar.

$, Do I hear $? $, $.

Sold to the creepy hillbilly in the front row.

[Guffawing]

I won! I won! I won!

- Once people get a whiff of the farmer's crop,

His potatoes will bring in a fortune!

- A whiff?

Otis, don't tell us you sprayed the potatoes

With artificial odor enhancers.

- Good idea.

I won't tell you that.

I sprayed the potatoes with artificial odor enhancers!

Behold eau de spud number .

Aggression.

Obsession.

Detention.

[Whispers] spud.

- Otis, that was creepy.

- Yeah, it sure was.

But the point is, those potatoes are gonna get top dollar,

Allowing us to live in luxury for three whole weeks.

- Three weeks? - Awesome.

- That's half a year.

- Yes, nothing can ruin this st. Patrick's day.

Nothing!

- Guys, the potato crop is gone!

- Erin go schwa?

- Hey, it is gone.

- Without the potato harvest,

The farmer's gonna go broke.

- And then he'll have to sell us all

To the animals less outlet.

- [Guffawing]

[All shudder]

- Guys, who could've taken 'em?

- Oh, open your eyes, people.

This whole thing has leprechaun written all over it.

[All laughing]

- Dude, there's no such thing as leprechauns.

- Fine, but when you need a killarney shamrock spell

To undo a banshee's curse, don't come crying to me.

- What?

- Pip, play last night's video

From our high-tech monitoring system.

- On it.

Oops, wrong panel.

- Oh, gross.

- Wait, what was that?

[All gasp]

- I don't believe it.

It was a leprechaun.

- Pig was right.

- Maybe now you'll believe me

About those outhouse goblins.

- What?

- The farmer's gonna lose all his potato money.

- He'll go broke. - Maybe not.

Pig, don't leprechauns hoard their wealth

In big pots o' gold?

- That is correct.

- Don't you see?

All we have to do is catch that leprechaun

And make him give us his gold.

- And then the farmer's money problems will be over forever.

- To the leprechaun!

- Here, leprechaun. - Where are you?

- Nice irish fairy.

- Come out, come out, wherever you are.

- Lep, lep, lep, leprechaun!

- Otis, look, potato skins.

- Look sharp, everyone.

Remember, leprechauns are elusive, devious,

And extremely hard to--

- Found him!

All: a leprechaun!

- Seamus' knickers.

Talking barnyard animals?

I thought you were a myth like unicorns or polite frenchmen.

- I hereby arrest you for potato larceny.

You have the right to remain irish.

Everything you say in a charming brogue

Can and will be used against you.

- Oh, come, lad.

I'm willing to share.

Why, I make a knish

That'll have your taste buds river dancing.

- Well, I guess you're right.

Maybe we can talk this out and come to a peaceful--

Get his face!

- So it's a bunch of ruffians you be, hmm?

Well, back off, laddies,

Or you'll be feeling the fury of me whimsical, magical wrath.

- Pig, you didn't tell us he had whimsical, magical wrath.

- Well, maybe you should have taken my class

At the learning hutch.

Leprechauns have-- and this is important--

Whimsical, magical wrath.

That will be on the test, people.

- Otis, that leprechaun's craftier than he looks.

- Oh, really?

Well, when the going gets crafty,

The crafty get...

Leprechauns.

Ha, yeah.

Think about it.

Okay, here's the plan.

Leprechauns can't resist shillelagh's.

Shillelagh: that's a fancy irish walking stick.

So I'll pretend to be a shillelagh salesmen,

And when he comes up to buy one, you whack him.

- Got it. Clobber him with a she-lollie.

- It's shillelagh. - Sha-looly.

- Shillelagh. - Shi-lally-lo.

- No. - Sha-la-lala-lalala.

- Shillelagh.

- Sha-lappy-slap!

- That's the worst one yet. - Sha-looly!

- Just take the irish stick and hide!

Shillelaghs for sale!

Fresh irish sticks!

Get 'em while they're irish.

- Ooh.

A shillelagh stand, is it?

Have you got any of the new mark s

With the ergonomic handles?

- Ooh, the mark .

Well, as a matter of fact, I happen to have--

Hit him now!

- [Ululating]

- Ah!

Ooh!

Why?

Ah!

Okay, I feel--

- [Cackling]

It's funny 'cause it's painful.

- We'll get him!

Zap!

- Nice try, laddies.

Enjoy your freakish shamrock heads.

- Freddy, peck, what happened?

- Not sure.

All I know is I have a sudden urge

To process sunlight into simple sugars.

- Otis, now we really have to catch that leprechaun.

He's the only one who can turn freddy and peck back to normal.

- Don't worry, guys.

I'll fix this.

I'm way smarter than a leprechaun...

Or am i?

- Otis, this won't work.

Leprechauns like their women to be petite,

And I'm large and a pig...

And not a woman.

- Don't let that hold you back.

Just lure him in with your oversized feminine wiles,

And we'll jump him.

- [Giggles]

- Fine.

♪ Dum dee dum dee doodly dum ♪

♪ Deedly deedly dee

♪ I'm a she leprechaun and so sassy ♪

♪ Look at me

♪ Girly girly girly

- He's doing great.

All right, guys,

Now we just sit on the cold, hard ground and wait.

Zap!

[Giggling]

- Hey, look.

- Sweet! Free lawn chairs.

- They'll make sitting a pleasure.

Squish!

[All sigh]

- ♪ Dum dee dum dee doodly dum ♪

♪ Deedly deedly dee

- Well, aren't you a pretty lassie?

- Oh, thank you.

- Enough small talk.

Let's do a lip jig.

- What?

Slow down there, hot stuff.

Fresh.

Hey.

Down, boy, down.

- That's pig. Come on!

[All groaning]

- Otis, I can't move. - We're stuck.

- Come on, taste the magic.

Don't be shy.

It's like a trip to ireland.

- All right, listen grabby hands.

I'm a pig. - So you are.

And you've got a corned beef sandwich for a head.

- That's right, i--

I got a what?

Zap!

Oh, no!

- Pig, don't worry.

We're here to rescue--

- Whoa. - Ooh, yummy.

I mean, no, that's not good.

- Does anyone have any mustard?

- Lepre... Chaun!

[Echoing] chaun!

Chaun!

Chaun!

Okay, let's review.

The farmer's going to go bankrupt,

Freddy and peck have turned into shamrocks,

And pig has a corned beef sandwich head.

- Well, maybe if you hadn't sprayed those potatoes.

- I didn't do that.

- Did so!

You even made that creepy commercial.

- [Whispers] spud.

Okay, yes, I did that.

It's my fault our friends have been turned into

Horrible, irish-themed monstrosities.

- Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah, freddy, let me have it.

- Can somebody spread this on me?

And don't be afraid to really get in there.

- Otis, next time you have a zany scheme,

Why don't you just go straight to the horrible outcome

And cut out the middle man?

- Wait, cut out the middle man?

That's it.

Why bother catching the leprechaun

When we can find his gold ourselves?

- Hey, that's right.

I mean, everyone knows leprechauns keep their gold

At the end of the rainbow.

- Where we gonna find a rainbow?

- Easy. We make one.

All you need to do is close your eyes,

Wish very hard, and fill your heart with love.

- You heard the sandwich.

Do what it says.

Pig, there's no rainbow.

- Oh, I left out a part.

You also have to seed a rain cloud with sulfur iodide.

[All groan]

- Pip, gas up the plane.

Looks like I have a date with adventure!

Well, that sure was a great adventure.

Come on, guys, let's follow that rainbow.

- Let's go!

- Potato stew, potato pie,

Mashed potatoes, curly fries,

Spuds florentine, hash o' the browns,

And you shall be me potato bride.

[Gasps] a rainbow.

Sinead o'connor.

I've got to protect me gold!

- ♪ Leprechaun

♪ Leprechaun

♪ Leprechaun

♪ Leprechaun

♪ Leprechaun

♪ Leprechaun

♪ Yeah

- Me gold!

No!

Zap!

- Ha ha!

Nice try, tiny mcloser.

We found your gold fair and square,

Which means we get to keep it.

- Curses!

How did you know that?

- Once a leprechaun loses possession of his gold,

He's prevented from touching it by...

Anyone?

Anyone at all?

A magical force field.

- Please, laddies, you can't do this.

The other leprechauns will shun me

And call me names like "old no-gold"

And "patty o'goldless" and "ain't-got-gold harry."

I can't face that.

- Oh, poor little leprechaun.

The other wee folk will call me mean names

And hurt me self-esteem.

I'll give you your gold back...

On one condition.

- Anything.

- Turn my friends heads back to normal

And replace the farmer's potatoes.

- That's two things.

- Hmm, maybe I'll keep it.

Oh, gold, I love you so much.

Oh, I'm gonna kiss on you.

Oh, I'm gonna marry you, gold.

Oh, here I come.

- No!

Don't love me gold!

I'll give you what you want.

Just don't put your cow lips on it.

Zap!

[Voices overlapping]

- [Guffawing]

Taters!

I loves taters!

- Well, looks like everything worked out nicely.

- Yep, and we all learned leprechauns are bitter,

Spiteful little homunculi that are best left alone.

- You got that right. - You said it, sister.

- Otis, otis!

Those eggs you sprayed with artificial odor enhancers,

They're all missing!

- What? I didn't--

[Whispers] eggs.

Okay, I did that.

But who would've taken them?

- [Laughing maniacally]

- Pig, what do we know about easter bunnies?

- Well, maybe you should have taken my class.

The most crucial thing to know about easter bunnies is--

Anyone?

Anyone?

Anyone?

Seriously, anyone?

- Guys, I found out what's been stinking up the barn

For the last three weeks.

- Is it toxic sludge?

- Is it expired fish paste?

- Pig's old gym clothes?

- Yes.

Now, to dispose of this junk

In a safe and nonhazardous manner.

Splorch!

- I'll get the giant cannon.

- Locked and loaded.

- Excellent.

Now, make sure you aim in a precise scientific manner.

- Right.

[Voices overlapping]

- No whammies! No whammies!

Boom!

Nice work, everyone.

That mess won't be troubling us anymore.

Splat!

[Indistinct radio chatter]

- [Screams]

Crash!

- Oh, that's not good.

- Oh.

Oh, oh, ho.

Wow, that was a close one.

It's all right, moustache.

You're safe now.

Oh, you're so brave and bushy.

- It's okay. He's fine.

- Whew! - That was a close one.

- Glad to hear that.

- Now let's get rid of this anvil.

Boom!

Clang!

- [Screaming]

- Peck did it.

- Poor officer fred.

- Now who's gonna give out traffic tickets?

- And get cats out of trees?

- And keep us safe from swamp goblins?

- Worry not.

I have a barely formulated plan

That has a slim chance of not failing.

I am a human man who would like to apply

For the police human position.

- You got the job.

- Really?

Isn't there some kind of cop test

Or something you want me to take?

- Good idea. What's a red light mean?

- Oh, red light.

Oh, wait.

Oh, I know this one.

Oh, um... Fruit merchant's crossing.

- You got the job. - Really?

I'm not even sure that that was--

- Too late, you got the job. Get out.

- Are you positive? 'Cause i--

- You got the job. - I'm actually--

- Job. - Okay.

- Got. Out. Get.

- I'm actually... - Now.

- Just a cow.

I'm not even a person. - Job, gotten.

You're not listening to anything I'm saying, are you?

- Out. Get.

[Sirens blaring]

- Huh?

- Attention, barn animals.

This is the fun police.

Come out with your party on.

- What in the world? - Let's check this out.

- Is that otis?

- Otis? - Is that you?

- He's the man. - Look at him.

- Yep, I got a badge and pants and everything.

- Can we ride in the squad car? - I want to work the siren.

- Can I see your taser?

- Guys, guys, I can't allow noncommissioned civilians

To use official city equipment.

[All groan]

- Which is why I'm going to deputize you.

Badges for everyone.

All: yay!

- Whoa!

- Here you go, pig.

- No, thanks, otis.

Let's just say I'm not cut out for law enforcement.

What makes you think you can go ?

- Uh...

I'm having a baby?

- A baby?

Well, why didn't you say so?

Go, go!

- I see.

Well, how about we make you

Official donut getter instead?

- What does it pay? - Zero dollars.

- Then I'm in.

- I want to be dispatcher.

- I'll head up the cheese crimes unit.

- Dibs on meter maid. - Dibs on assistant meter maid.

- Yes, weird, yes, and stop talking.

Okay, let's do police things.

[Siren blaring]

- Officer pip, look at that suspicious character.

- What, you mean that guy carrying his lunch?

- Guy carrying his lunch

Or cyber terror mastermind taking top-secret defense plans

To his spymaster's drop-off point!

- Let's take him down.

- Hold it right there.

- Bah!

Hey, that's my lunch.

- Ha! A likely story.

What's in the bag, officer pip?

- Looks like peanut butter and jelly.

- Ah, well, perhaps next time you'll get a license

Before you put-- run away!

- Expired tags.

Missing hubcap.

Excessive tire pressure.

Stupid color.

- Uh, freddy?

I think this is our car.

- Back talk, eh?

[Screams]

Officer down! Officer down!

- All right, buddy, stop right there.

- I think that's a statue.

- Right.

Carry on, citizen.

- Otis, we're bored.

- Yeah, there's no crime in this town.

- Well, we could go door to door

Informing citizens about county water regulations.

All: hmm.

- Or we could go back to the station

And play spin the taser.

- I like it. - That's way better.

[Voices overlapping]

- Again?

It's my lucky day.

[Screams]

- Who wants donuts?

[All cheering]

- Ooh, glazed.

[Telephone ringing]

- Ooh, call.

Police department.

Dispatch officer abby speaking.

What's that?

Otis, a masked bandit just stole all the fresh donuts

From the donut store!

- The donut store?

I was just there.

I could've been k*lled.

- A real crime.

This is what we've been waiting for.

Come on, deputies.

- Yeah, let's move out.

-, -, Good buddy.

- Freddy, anything on the store security camera?

- Nope, just a bunch of brown tape.

- You're an idiot.

Pip, any clues?

- We got a footprint.

- And it looks like a size .

- So we're looking for someone with a foot.

- Still an idiot.

To the footprint database!

- Processing.

[Electronic beeping]

Three matches found.

- And they said this was a waste of $ million.

- Snotty boy.

- Mrs. Beady.

All: the farmer?

- No way it's him.

This has snotty's stink all over it.

- Here, let me spray some air freshener.

[Screams]

I need backup.

- Okay, guys, be on the lookout for a -foot,

Redheaded sack of hate.

- Roger. - No, my name's otis.

- I know.

I was talking to roger.

Roger, can you file this report with the d.a.

And tell him we're still on for golf tomorrow?

- -.

- Actually, I need it done by :.

Now go! - I love jumping out of cars.

- Otis, there's snotty boy.

- And he's got a bag of donuts.

- Stop in the name of the long udder of the law.

- [Blubbering]

- Police. I need your tricycle.

- Whoa!

- Let's ride.

- Ha ha!

[Imitating siren sounds]

- Guys, take him down.

- [Screams]

Stupid tricycle cops.

You got nothing on me.

- Aha! Donuts.

- And a receipt for their purchase.

- What?

Milk me.

- You guys are the worst cops ever.

You should be on that show,

Real stories of the stupidest cops in the world.

- Real stories of the stupidest cops in the world!

- You're going away for a long time, buddy.

- Huh?

Whoo-hoo!

- Ah, nuts.

- Here, have a roundy, stupid cop.

Hey, here's another.

Another roundy for you.

Roundy!

- Thank you for helping us with our training exercise.

- Wait, this wasn't--

- Carry on.

- [Screams]

- Hey, abby, got a new batch of donuts for the kitchen.

Boy, those donut people are really nice.

They keep--

- Hold on, pig.

Police department.

Dispatch officer abby speaking.

What?

Calling otis.

The masked bandit just robbed another batch of donuts.

- Say what?

I just left the place.

Boy, my donut angel is really looking out for me.

Thank you, donut angel.

- No problem, honey.

- Otis, why aren't we going back to the scene of the crime?

- Abby's call came in two minutes ago.

I'm guessing the other size is already home,

Eating the loot.

- Police! Open up!

- Hello?

- You're under arrest for grand theft donut.

- You're going away for a long time.

- Huh?

But, officers, I've been here all morning.

- Oh, really?

Then how do you explain that plate of donuts on your table?

- I just made those with my own hands.

- A likely story.

- Oh, careful.

- Ah, sweet cud, that's hot!

My face flesh is melting!

[Crying]

Well, your story checks out.

Come on, guys, let's get out of here.

- Wait, where are you going?

What about these handcuffs?

Hello?

- Two suspects down.

I hate to say it, guys.

But it looks like the farmer is our donut bandit.

- It's always the good ones. - So tragic.

- What a waste.

- But at least now we can try out our new battering ram.

- Let's rock and roll.

- Okay, farmer, come out with your--

[Engine rumbling]

- He's getting away.

- Probably to steal more donuts.

- Not if we get there first.

- Is that all you need?

- Okay, guys, this stakeout should nab us our perp.

Ready, abby? - Ready.

- Freddy, peck?

Both: ready.

- Okay, guys.

The farmer should be here any minute.

- Otis, otis!

There's a masked man headed into the store.

[Doorbell rings]

- Hello, ordinary customer.

Welcome to the donut store.

How may i-- take him down!

- Police tackle!

- Freeze, dirt bag!

- Ah, my eyes!

- [Screams]

- Aha!

Huh?

All: pig?

- Pig, you're ruining the whole stakeout.

- Otis, I think pig isthe thief.

- I am not.

- Then how do you explain the ski mask

And cat burglar outfit?

- Oh, I just put this on so no one knows I'm a pig,

And for some reason, I keep getting free donuts.

Give me three vanilla sprinkles, a couple of old-fashioneds,

And jelly filleds, and make it snappy.

- Don't hurt me.

- Gee, pig.

Did you ever wonder why the donuts were free?

- I did not.

- Nice work, guys.

I'll take it from here.

All: officer fred!

- Fully recovered and back on duty.

So where's the perp?

- Right, the perp.

Yes, well-- look over there!

- Huh? Where?

Is that him, or this guy?

No, wait, is it-- wait, how about you?

- Now look over here!

- I got him.

Police tackle!

You're mine, buddy.

Don't make this ugly.

Hands where I can see him!

- I think it's time to leave.

- Oh, you're trying to hit me with a plant, huh?

- Oh, hold on.

I still haven't put my order in.

All: pig!

- Come on.

- You're going away for a long time, buddy.

Ah, nuts.