11x10 - Kiss Me, Teach

[bunniefuu]

♪ Sunday, monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, wednesday, happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, friday, happy days ♪

♪ The weekend comes, my cycle hums ♪

♪ Ready to race to you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Happy and free ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Share them with me ♪

♪ Goodbye gray sky, hello blue ♪

♪ There's nothin' can hold me when I hold you ♪

♪ It feels so right, it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rockin' and rollin' all week long ♪

[ Saxophone solo ]

♪ Sunday, monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, wednesday, happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, friday, happy days ♪

♪ Saturday, what a day ♪

♪ Groovin' all week with you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Share them with me ♪

♪ Share them with me ♪

♪ These days are ours happy and free ♪

♪ Happy, free ♪

♪ These happy days are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are yours and mine ♪

♪ Happy days ♪

You wanna do the plates or silverware?

It makes no difference to me.

Fine. I'll do the silverware.

Well, fine.

You want me to do the glasses, too?

Fine, go ahead. It doesn't matter

Because you're gonna do what you want to do anyway.

[ Sighs ] oh.

Hey, look who I found outside.

Hey, everybody.

Hi, dad.

I found him outside begging for a free meal.

Come on, mr. C. I wasn't begging.

You had a napkin tucked under your chin.

Hi, sweetheart.

What have you got to feed two hungry men?

Oh, howard,

Our daughter is breaking her mother's heart.

I told her when you came home,

You were gonna straighten her out.

So go ahead, straighten her out.

Look, marion

-

-

You know, when I decided to move back home,

I thought it would be fun living here.

Some fun!

Come on, chach, let's go out to eat.

No, no, no, dad. No.

Mom's all bent out of shape

Because I was accepted

Into the special teacher's assistant program at college.

Is that why you're so upset?

Sweetheart, I think that's wonderful.

Thanks, dad.

Don't let her snow you, howard.

There is more.

You're darn right there's more.

Dad, this is an opportunity to teach

In a real classroom situation.

And where is this classroom located?!

At george s. Patton vocational high school.

Gee, joanie, that's a

-

-A pretty tough school.

Couldn't they give you another assignment?

It's hard enough to get into this program.

If I don't go where they assign me,

I may have to wait two more years,

And I'm not about to do that!

Mind your tongue.

Roger told us about this horrible school.

I told her when you got home,

You were gonna settle this.

Go ahead and set her straight.

Your father is gonna set you straight.

Isn't that right, howard?

I had ribs for lunch. I have to floss.

Howard!

Mom, what's the difference?

I know what he's gonna say.

He's gonna agree with you.

He's known you longer.

I know.

Why don't we let chachi be the judge?

What do you think, chach?

Well, if you ask me... I agree with your mother.

Okay! Now, let's let chachi be the judge.

What do you mean you agree with her?!

Look, joanie, whether you like it or not,

Patton is a tough school.

At graduation, they don't give you a diploma.

They give you $ and a cheap suit.

See?!

Any kid in that school with teeth

Is a visitor.

Chach, don't you have something to do,

Errands to run, cliffs to jump off?

Save your breath, joanie.

You're gonna need it

For when the cops tear

-Gas that school, anyway.

Ha ha.

I don't know why I'm listening to all this.

I wasn't asking permission.

I thought you'd be excited for me, mom.

Dear, I will get excited

When you do something that makes sense.

Oh, you wanna see sense? I'm moving out.

Tell dad his daughter is living at the marine base

With jenny piccalo!

Howard: aaahhh!!

No daughter of mine

Is gonna live near people with shaved heads!

Mom, this is

-

- This is

-

- Oh, mom!

I wanna tell ya somethin'!

This better be very important!

When it comes to bubble baths,

Timing is everything.

You gotta slip in there

When the bubbles are at their fluffy peak.

Wait a minute. You take bubble baths?

I happen to be a very easygoing guy.

I let my dates pick the entertainment.

Joanie: goodbye, mom. Write me at jenny's.

I'll see you when I'm older.

Hello, joanie.

Hi, fonz.

What's this rift here

In harmonious suburbia, huh?

Oh, arthur,

Joanie wants to be a teacher's assistant

At patton high.

I know.

You do?!

I heard it through the grapevine.

I knew that I should not run my bathwater

Before I take care of the family.

Joanie, if you please.

Yo, mr. C.!

Family meeting. Let's go.

Huh?

[ Clears throat ]

All right, let's get down to brass tacks.

First of all, I am the dean

Of george patton high school.

I'll be there to watch over your daughter.

All right, number two

-

- Very important

-

-

We all know how important this is to joanie.

We gotta make her happy. We gotta encourage her.

[ Indistinct chattering ]

Number three

-

-

Nobody

-

- And I repeat, nobody

-

-

Wants her to live near a marine base

With jenny piccolo.



-No!

-No.

All right, there are the facts.

I just plastered over this rift.

Now, what do you say?

Well, I'm not gonna change my mind.

I'm certainly not changing my mind.

Well, I have made up my mind.

Joanie, there's a lot of wisdom

In what your mother's saying.

Oh, howard, thank you.

In fact, your mother said a very wise thing

When you moved back into the house.

She said,

"Howard, we've raised a wonderful daughter.

"She's got a good head on her shoulders,

"And we can't make her decisions for her anymore.

"We can offer her advice,

But she has to make her own choices."

Did I say that?

Yes. Yes, you did, marion.

And if this is what she really wants,

We're gonna have to support her.

Well, if I said that,

Well, then it must be all right.

I'm glad I settled that.

Oh, mom.

Oh!

I know you worry,

But I'll be just fine, okay?

Okay.

Yo! Whoa!

[ Cheering ]

Ha ha!

Missed, you little scum w*rlord!

Whoo!

Come on, joanie. I'll tell ya somethin'.

I'm so proud of you. You're gonna be great.

This is the hallway, huh?

You know what this is? Water fountain.

You get a drink here.

Here we got a chalk outline of a body.

It's an art project, but don't step on it

'Cause the cops might still need it, all right?

Look a this

-

- Room .

You know what that is? Senior english. That's you.

You're gonna go in there you're gonna be great.

And fill those empty heads with a hose and knowledge.

Whoa! Whoa!

Hey, mrs. Shellenback.

It is my privilege and pleasure to introduce you

To your new assistant teacher, miss cunningham.

Miss cunningham, miss shellenback.

Oh, welcome.

Always glad to have reinforcements.

All right, educatees, sit up.

Now, I'm gonna introduce ya

To your new assistant teacher here.

This is miss cunningham.

All right, you're gonna treat her with great respect

For two reasons. One

-

- She's very, very good.

Number two

-

- If you don't, i...will do this.



-Oh!

-Aah!

You're gonna be great.

If you need any help, you say, "hey, fonz."

I'll be here on the "hey." You understand?

[ Door closes ]

I am going for a short break.

Now, if I'm not back,

You give the little hooligans

Their homework assignment on the desk.

Oh, wait, wait.

You forgot your, uh...plane ticket?

Thanks.

I'm going to chicago for the weekend.

But it's only wednesday.

It's not a direct flight.

You're not gonna be back till monday?!

Please, god.

She won't be back till monday.



-All right!

-Yeah!

So, uh, I think I'd get to know your names

A lot quicker if I had a seating chart.

Uh, there's one

In the right

-Hand top desk drawer.

Thank you.

[ Cheering ]

We got her.

The old jumping

-Snake bit.

You'll have to be a little more original than that.

Hey, can I go to the bathroom?

Joey, uh, I'm sorry,

But I didn't see you raise your hand

To ask a question.

Yes, joey?

Now can I go to the bathroom?

Joey, I'm sure you can go to the bathroom,

And I'm sure you've gone to the bathroom before.

But if you'd like to use proper english,

You may go to the bathroom.

Never mind. I lost interest.

[ Laughter ]

All right. What were you doing before I came in?

Joey was readin'.

All right, why don't you pick up where you left off?

Sure.

His strong hands caressed her body.

[ Laughter ]

Oh, stop that right now.

"Please," she said,

"My husband will be home any minute.

Let's wait for him."

Stop it right now. I mean it.

Her nightgown fell

-

-

Stop it!

If you like your head where it is, I'd stop.

Thank you.

Frankie.

Thank you, frankie.

We only have a few more minutes left,

So why don't I give you your homework assignment?

Hold it!

Nobody leaves.

Look, guys, it wasn't that long ago

That I was a senior in high school.

So you can see that there really isn't that much difference

Between you and i.

You and me. Well, us.

Now, I understand you have problems,

And I want to help you in any way anytime that I can,

So I'm always available

To speak to each individual student.

Okay? Now, let me give you your assignment.

[ Bell rings ]

Well, I had 'em for a second.

You really mean what you said about givin' extra help?

Sure. Whatever I can do.

Oh, good, because it would really mean a lot to me.

I promised my mom I would graduate this year.

Oh, well, that's wonderful. Don't worry.

I mean, I'll help you in any way

To keep that promise.

Thanks, teach.

Oh, uh, excuse me,

But I'm just dying to see the teachers' lounge.

You know, that's where the teachers lounge,

You know.

[ Door closes ]

Chachi,

I can't tell you how much I appreciate

You're subbing for potsie tonight.

It's the league finals.

Whenever you need help,

All you gotta do is ask me.

Joanie, you sure you won't change your mind

And join us?

Oh, no thanks, dad.

Mrs. Shellenback left me on my own for a couple days.

I have some lesson plans to prepare.

[ Doorbell rings ]

Bye

-Bye. We're gonna miss you.



-Yes?

-Hi.

There you are.

Well, frankie, what are you doin' here?

You said if I needed extra help, you'd be available.

Well, actually, I meant at school,

But as long as you're here,

You might as well stay.

Well, is the pizza man staying?

Mom, frankie is one of my students.

He just came by

For some help with homework.

I brought this for you.

I hope you like eatin'.

Family meeting in the kitchen.

Let's go.

And joanie,too.

This is important.

Trust me.

Joanie, kitchen, please.

Excuse us.

Excuse us.

Excuse me.

My parents

-

-

They still think I'm their daughter.

Okay, are there enough cunninghams here,

Or do I have to call ireland?

It's important to talk when your daughter

Is making the biggest mistake of her life.

[ Gasps ]

Howard, and we were gonna go bowling.

Marion, you don't even know what it is.

What is it, chach?

I'm talkin' about pizza pete in the living room.

He's my student. He just came by for some help.

Will you grow up?

Excuse me.

Joanie, guys that age only have one thing on their minds.

He's practically the same age as you.

That's how I know.

Well, now, now,

He may have something there, dear.

Lots of students develop crushes on their teachers.

I did.

Marion, I don't want to hear about raoul again!

Now, look,

Chachi may have a very good point here.

Thank you.

Well, I'm sorry,

But I refuse to stand here any longer

And indulge in these paranoid fantasies!

Hey, fine!

That's the last family meeting

You ever call!

We're going to the bowling alley now.

It's a sudden

-Death tournament.

We could be home at any time.

Frankie, I'm sorry to keep you waiting.

[ Door closes ]

I'm sure you're eager to get started.

I like the way you got rid of the others.

We wouldn't have gotten anything accomplished

With them here.

You got that right.

We should start

With this semester's reading list.

I'm sure there's something here that interests you.

Yeah, I already found plenty that interests me.

You know, you just better be picking lint off my sleeve.

Yeah, well, I hope you got lint all over ya.

Oh, your father forget his lucky

-

-

You better be pickin' lint off her sleeve, pal.

Why don't you tell the guy

Who's dressed like a cab

To leave us in peace?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

I'll leave a piece over here.

I'll leave a piece over there.

You shouldn't have come over here tonight.

We'll talk about this after class tomorrow.

Yeah, well, that suits me fine!

Nothing's gonna happen here tonight anyway.

Oh, yeah? Well stick around.

We'll find out if doctors still make house calls.

Oh, I'm scared. I'm scared.

All right, let's go, pal! Come on!

That's it!

Chachi, chachi!

Get back, chachi. Come on.

You can't b*at him up. He's my student.

Well, when does he graduate?

We're not boyfriend and girlfriend anymore.

Oh, yes! Excuse me, joanie!

I thought I could still care about you, though.

All right, chach. You're right.

He has a crush on me, but I can handle it.

Oh, yeah? Yes.

I'll tell you what.

If this happens again,

What are you gonna do about it?

Something. Like what?

Like something.

Tell me. What?

I said, "something."

Oh, good. Now you got three ways to go.

Look, whatever it is,

It's something I'm gonna do by myself,

And I'm not gonna yell for help!

Fine.

[ Under his breath ] you try to help some people!

[ Sighs ]

Now, before we get down to work,

I'd like you to pass your book reports

To the front, please.

Sweet cheeks, you want me to collect 'em for ya?

Uh, no, frankie. I think I can manage.

If I get tired in between rows,

I'll stop and rest.

Looks and yucks, too.

Uh, there are only three papers here.

Who didn't turn in their homework?

You

-

- Excuse me

-

- In the back row,

I don't see your homework.

[ Hoarsely, with italian accent ] that's because

I didn't know if I was gonna be here today.

So I mailed it.

What's your name?

It's guido.

Uh, guido templeton.

What is

-

- Milk duds?!

I don't smoke.

Can I talk to you, please?

Ow! All right.

Scusa.

What are you doing here, guido?

Don't get mad at me, all right?

I came to check on you, make sure everything was okay.

Everything isn't okay. I am totally humiliated.

I appreciate the fact that you're concerned,

But if you have any kind of respect,

You'll walk out of here right now.

[ Door closes ]

There goes my ride.

Class, I'm sorry for the interruption.

Now, let's get back to work.

Uh, does anyone know what a pronoun is?

Aw, that's easy.

Yes, dexter?

A pronoun is a noun

That gets paid for bein' in a sentence.

Ha ha ha!ha ha ha!

That's good, dexter.

Would you like to tell that joke

To principal phillips?

He told it to me.

All right, does anyone really know what

-

-

[ Bell ringing ]

Okay, okay.

That's the bell for the fire drill.

Everyone to the football field.

All right, line up in a single file

-

-

That's good

-

- In an orderly fashion.

Get up, up. Here we go. There you go.

Everyone out, everyone out.

That's good.

Everyone out.

[ Ringing stops ]

You're not out.

Your love machine's here, and he's on free play.

Listen, frankie, I'm really glad

That we have a chance to talk about this

Once and for all.

Uh, when I

-

-When I said that I'd be available,

I, uh

-

- I gave you the wrong idea.

And it's my fault, and I'd like to apologize.

Uh, and then when you came over last night,

I was wearing shorts, and you sat next to me,

And that was another mistake.

But now I want to explain it to you straight out!

I'm the teacher, and you're the student!

And we will maintain a professional relationship.

Now, I'm getting angry, frankie.

Get away from me. I mean it.

I'm getting really angry!

Get away.

Help me! Help me!

Get away from me! Help me!

Fonzie: are you all right?

Hey, fonz, it's no big deal.

You are dead.

It's all right.

They'll get him when they pull down the flag.

Come on. Don't cry, sweetheart.

[ Crying ]

It's okay. It's over. Nobody got hurt.

He's just hangin' around, that's all.

Come on.

Are you tellin' me it's not this, right?

It's somethin' else?

Are you gonna tell me what it is,

Or do I have to guess?

Oh, fonz, I failed.

I couldn't handle frankie,

And I had to scream for you to help me.

If that's the definition of failure,

Everybody in milwaukee's gonna have to run downtown

And jump off the empire state building.

Oh, fonz, don't you see?

This was my big test

To see if I was cut out to be a teacher,

And I failed.

Hey, joanie...

You took the wrong test.

You're not here

To see if you can b*at up these guys.

That's my job.

You're here to teach,

And I'm here to see that's possible.

Now, come on. It's only been two days.

You haven't done that bad. It's one bad egg.

Yeah, I guess for the first two days,

It was pretty good.

You know, there were moments

Where I'd see a kid in the back

Want to understand what I had to say,

And that made me feel great, you know?

Do you know why?

Because you're a teacher.

And you're gonna get great.

Now, let's get out of here.

[ Giggling ] okay.

All right. Here we go.

♪ Goodbye gray sky hello blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can't hold me when I hold you ♪

♪ It feels so right it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rockin' and rollin' all week long ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Share them with me ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Happy and free ♪

♪ These happy days are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are yours and mine ♪

♪ Happy days ♪