Ducksters, The (1950)

[bunniefuu]

The cotton gin was invented
by Eli Whitney.

You're absolutely correct!

And let me remind you again, folks,
that you're listening to Truth or...

Brought to you by the Eagle Hand Laundry.

If your eagle's hands are dirty...

we'll wash them clean.

Now, back to our contestant.

"Who was the father of our country?"

Why, that's simple. George...

I'm sorry! Time's up!

You don't get the Super Chief...

but you're still the winner
of the Rocky Mountains...

a 17-jewel Half Nelson...

and the La Brea Tar Pits.

Lucky me.

Would you like to continue, or...

Well, I don't know. I...

Don't be a sucker, chum,
the next question's a snap.

You'll be sorry!

The next question is:

"What was Cleopatra's aunt's
maiden name?"

Which one?
Her maternal aunt or her paternal?

Here, watch your language, bud,
we're on the air!

Well, I...

I'm sorry. You didn't answer.

So you must pay the penalty!

"Now, you must name
all of the 48 states, or else..."

Montana, Arizona, New Jersey...

Aren't we gruesome?

...Delaware...
- You've paid the penalty.

Now, would you like to continue?

Well, I...

That's the spirit!
And for being such a good sport...

I'm going to give you a cr*ck
at the super-deluxe jackpot question.

Are you ready? Now think carefully.

Here's the question:

"Who," mind you, "who was the referee...

"in the New Zealand
Heavyweight Championship fight in 1726?"

Arbuckle Dreen.

No coaching, please!

What was his second grade
teacher's name, if you're so smart?

Abigail Twinch.

This program's brought to you
by the Eagle Hand Laundry.

Does your Eagle have dirty mitts?

Pardon me, but may I have my jackpot?

Oh, well. Fair is fair.

Here's your pot, Jack.

But my name isn't Jack.

It's not? Oh, I'm sorry.

This pot was made for Jack.
Jackpot, get it?

Your name isn't Jack,
so you must pay the penalty.

In my hand,
you'll notice I hold two buzzers.

You must push one. Hurry now!

Which one? Quick!

Good, clean, wholesome fun.

You're a great sport.

Could I please take my prizes
and go home now?

I'm not feeling too well.

And for being such a great sport...

I'm going to let you
push the other button and win a prize.

Come on now, don't be bashful. Push!

And the gentleman wins
the Rock of Gibraltar!

And that's not all.

The gentleman also wins...

six hundred gallons
of genuine Niagara Falls.

Give the lucky winner a hand, folks.

May I go home now without my prizes?

Shut up, and don't be such a spoilsport.

I will now play a passage
from a famous opera...

and you must name the opera.

But I'm weary.

Listen carefully.

And there you have it now.

What's the opera?

Cavalleria Rusticana?

- Audience?
- Rigoletto!

So you must pay the penalty.

But I don't want to pay the penalty.
I want to go home.

Listen, Mac, you've got 32 teeth...

would you like to try for 16?

Are you threatening me, sir?

- For if you are, by gadfry...
- Help!

This call for help came to you through
the courtesy of the Eagle Hand Laundry.

Why bruise your little white hands on me?

I'm going to give you a chance to win
this genuine Little Crusher brass knuckles.

But first, I have a surprise for you.

Guess who Miss Shush is...

and I'll give you $26 million
and three cents.

Well, I...

Here's the clue.

This is the sound of Miss Shush
brushing her teeth on Wednesday.

Now who is Miss Shush?

Lauren Bacall?

I'm sorry. But don't be discouraged.

Miss Shush is right here in the studio,
and I'm going to let you meet her.

The famous movie star, Miss Shush!

Oh, boy!
I'll add to my autograph collection.

Miss Shush is in there all right,
but what I didn't tell him was...

that Miss Shush is Mamie,
the 600-pound gorilla...

who appears in Obnoxious Pictures'
Jungle Jitters.

Next contestant, please.

Are you ready? The question is:

"Who," mind you, "who..."

And for being such a good sport...

I'm going to give you
the $26 million and three cents.

Hello.

I would like to speak to the President
of the Ajax Broadcasting Company.

How much will you take
for your radio company?

$26 million and three cents? Sold!

Hello, boss.

In what latitude and longitude
did the wreck of the Hesperus occur?

Well, I...

I'm sorry. Time's up!

So you must pay the penalty.

Anyone for tennis?

Have you got a doctor
in the balcony, lady?