Mr. & Mrs. Smith (1941)

[bunniefuu]

[Knock on door]

[Knock knock knock]

Woman: breakfast,
Mr. Smith.

Well, what are they doing?

She's under the bedclothes,

and he's playing cards.

You didn't look
through the keyhole.

You can't see anything anyway.

I only listened.

[Telephone rings]

[Ring]

Smith residence.

No, Mr. Custer,
they haven't
come out yet.

Well, they just
opened the door
for breakfast now,

but they didn't
let out any dishes.

I'm running out of dishes.

Well, they've been
in there
3 days already.

What's the longest
they've kept
this thing up?

8!

Has Sammy gotten there yet?

He's just come in.

It's Mr. Custer.

Yes, Mr. Custer?

Now, listen, Sammy,

that paper's gotta be signed.

So don't you leave there
till it is signed,
understand?

I'm depending on you, Sammy.

I'll come back
with it signed,
Mr. Custer.

[Sighs]

Take me to the room.

Mr. Smith?

Mr. Smith,
it's me Sammy,
from the office.

Sammy: Mr. Custer
says you'll have
to sign this.

We can't keep
postponing the case.

Push it under the door.

I'm putting it
under the door,
Mr. Smith.

See.

You signed it in pencil.

Smith:
I haven't got
any ink.

It's no good in pencil.

Well, then go
over it with a pen.

But that's forgery!

No, it isn't.

Anyway, nobody'd know.

But, Mr. Smith,

I take my
bar examination
next June.

I could get into trouble.

Give me a pen.

Thank you,
Mr. Smith.

Thought I left, huh?

What would you do
if I walked out
that door?

Leave me?

Forever?

As long as we live,
we must never change
that rule.

That's right.

You know, if every
married couple had it,

there'd never be a divorce.

They ought to put it
in the marriage ceremony.

You are not allowed
to leave the bedroom
after a quarrel

unless you've made up.
Well, that's simple.

Eventually
you'd have to make up.

Most men can't afford
to stay away from
the office

3 days at a cr*ck.

Remember the 8-day
session?

And the 6?

Yeah, there were 2 6s.

2?

One Christmas week and, uh...

The other one
the weekend
of the Yale game.

That was really 5 and a half.

We started in the afternoon.

How about some breakfast, woman?

Ain't we manly?

We've got respect
for each other
as persons.

That's our
big trick.
Mm-hmm.

Man and woman, all right.

But person to person,
that's important
in a marriage, too.

Mm-hmm.

Make like this.

You know, I think
we'd be friends

if we were men or women,
don't you?

Mm-hmm.

Respect for each other
as individuals,

that's what counts.

To always tell the truth,

no matter what the consequences.

You know, I think
if we told each other
just one lie

we'd have to admit
we failed,
wouldn't we?

Mm-hmm.

And what would we have left?

A marriage like other people's.

Doubt, distrust,

going on with each other
because it's the easiest way.

Mm-hmm.

Your barber's
shaving you too close.

I wish you'd talk to him.

Mm-hmm.

You know, it was all my fault.

No, my dear, it was mine.

It was my fault, dear.

Uh-uh.
mine, darling.

I shouldn't be jealous so much

and I should, uh...

Lay off your family.

A wife should
conduct herself
to please her husband.

That's one of the rules
I'm going to make.

Another one?

Mm-hmm.

What's the date today?

Uh, darling,
I think I'd better
be running along.

Oh, no, honey.
Not just yet.

Remember rule number 7?

Yes, but I thought
we'd given that one up.

It always got us
into so much trouble.

If we ever give up one,
that means
we're giving up

just that much of our
wonderful relationship.

That we're letting down.

You wouldn't want me
to feel that,
would you?

But those questions
you ask each month.

About that trip I took to Paris

the year I graduated
from college.

I was only 21.

Well, I forgave you that.

[Sighs]

sh**t.

If you had it all
to do over again,

would you have married me?

Honestly, no.

Not that I want
to be married
to anyone else.

But I think that
when a man marries,

he gives up a certain amount
of freedom and independence.

If I had to do it
all over again,

I think I would stay single.

We wanted me
to answer you truthfully

because we respect each other.

We're honest with each other.

Your feelings
aren't hurt, are they?

No, no. It's perfectly
all right.

That's enough of that.

I was getting into trouble.

I'm not angry in the least.

Oh, yes, you are.

You don't understand.

I was only answering
a hypothetical question

of what I would do
if I had to do it
all over again.

David, if you want your freedom,

I don't want to be
the kind of a wife

who clings
to her husband
when she's not wanted.

Darling, I do want
to be married to you.

I love you.
I worship you.

I am used to you.

How do we always
get into these things?

Well, if my only hold on you

is that you're used to me.

Oh, darling,
you've got
the whole thing wrong.

I don't know what
I'd do without you.

You are my
little girl. I...

Now don't cry.

Don't cry.

Forgive me?

Say you forgive me.

[Sighs]

Now can I go to work?

I'll come back early,

and I mean early.

Don't work too hard, darling.

[Sighs]

Morning.

Good morning,
Mr. Smith.

Good morning,
Mr. Smith.

Well, morning, David.

Morning, Jeff.

Well, you know how she is.

You've got to humor her
in these things.

Don't apologize to me, David.

I envy you from
the bottom of my heart.

I wish I was in your shoes.

Yeah, she's a great kid.

It certainly piles up,
doesn't it?

[Door opens]

Yeah, what is it, sunny?

There's a Mr. Deever
been waiting to see you.

He won't tell me his business.

He says it's something private.

Well, send him in.

Well, I'll leave you
to your miseries, David.

What about lunch
at the club,
if you can make it?

I'll try and make it, Jeff.

Mr. Deever.

How do you do?

How do you do?

Uh, won't you sit down?

Uh...

What can I do for you?

Were you married
in Beecham
in march 1937?

Yes, I was.

Well, you know,

Beecham is on
the other side
of the river.

And it was always
incorporated
in Brender county.

But, you see,
Brender county
is in Idaho.

And so, uh...

Well...

You follow me, don't you?

Yes. Yes.

Well, we in Beecham
found out we had no right

to be incorporated
in Brender county.

Because, from
the other side
of the bass river,

we belong in Nevada.

Yes. Well,
well, well.

Yeah. Well,
we just found out

that anybody who got married
between 1936 and now,

with an Idaho license
in Nevada...

Well, it isn't legal.

What do you mean,
it isn't legal?

Now, now, now.
I don't want you

to be frightened,
or upset, or anything.

But there's been
a kind of a mistake.

You're not legally married.

What's that?

Oh, oh, oh,
you really are married
and everything,

but there's a little
technicality.

It's perfectly all right,
you understand,

common law and everything.

But we figured in case
of...Deaths,

and wills and births--
you know, children--

we figure it'd be better

if everybody kind
of got married again,

just to be on the safe side.

And the chamber of commerce
is sending me around
to everybody to tell them.

And we give you
your $2.00 back.

You can use it
to get another license.

Kind of funny, isn't it?

Heh heh heh.
Yeah.

I been doing this
2 weeks now,
just in New York.

A lot of couples
came to New York.

I had a hard time locating them.

Yeah. Ha ha.

Well, I guess
I'll be going now,
Mr. Smith.

I hope you don't
hold this against Beecham.

It really wasn't our fault.

Oh, no, not at all.

Is that your wife?

Uh-huh.

Was she Annie Krausheimer?

Yes, yes.
She lived right
across from Beecham.

That's how we happened
to get married there.

Did you know her?

Did I know her?

Why, when she was this high,

she and my kid sister
used to go running

in and out of the house
all the time.

I remember like
it was yesterday.

I can't get over that.

I guess she's changed some, huh?

Well, she's changed a little.

She once chased
a dog catcher
a half a mile

with a baseball bat.

Well, she hasn't changed
as much as you'd think.

Sure is a fine looking woman.

Tell her I was asking
for her, will you?

Old Harry Deever.
She'll remember me.

Indeed I will.
Thank you very much,
Mr. Deever.

Good-bye, Mr. Smith.

Good-bye.
uh, you can find
your way out?

Deever:
yeah, yeah.
Yes, thank you.

Ahem.

Sunny:
yes, Mr. Smith?

Get me my home.

[Buzz]

Hello?

Oh, hello, dear.

Yes, darling.

Where do you think
I'm going to take you
for dinner tonight?

No.

No.

No.

Momma Lucy's.

Honey.

I didn't think
you even remembered
the name of the place.

We haven't been there
since before
we were married.

Oh, I love you.

You want to pick me up
here about 6:00?

Bye, darling.

Oh, oh, driver.
I'll get off here.

Well, dear, I must be going.

All right, mother, dear.

Mr. Harry Deever.

He says you remember him
from across the river
in Beecham.

Oh, yes.
Show him in, Lily.

Harry Deever?

Bertha Deever's brother.

Why, Harry Deever,
this is quite
a surprise.

Hello, Annie.

Hello,
Mrs. Krausheimer.

I didn't know whether
you'd remember me.

What are you doing in New York?

Oh, I'm here on business.

How's your wife?

She's fine, thanks.

And how's Bertha?

She's fine, too.

Married to
a dairy farmer
in Boise.

Got 4 children.
All girls.

Well, good for Bertha.

Sit down, won't you,
and have some tea.

No, thanks.

I got a lot to do.

Only dropped in for a second.

Certainly makes
me feel good
to meet somebody

from our neck of the woods.

Say, this is quite a city.

Every night's Saturday.

Annie, you haven't
changed a bit
from the little girl

who used to go
running in and out
of the house.

I'd of recognized you
in a minute.

Why, Harry Deever,

that's the nicest thing
you could have said
to me.

I did recognize you.

Only saw your picture
on your husband's desk,

and recognized you right off.

Say, he's a good-looking
fellow.

What were you doing
with my husband?

Well...

You know, Beecham
is on the other side
of the river.

And it was always
incorporated
in Brender county...

Between 1936 and now,
you're not
legally married.

Why, that's terrible.

Oh, it's nothing.

I gave your husband his $2 back

and he don't lose a cent
on the whole thing.

You just get married again.

I should hope so.

Now, mother, don't get excited.

It's really nothing,
Mrs. Krausheimer.

Nothing?

How does it look?

Well, now, mother, don't worry.

David will do all right
by your little girl.

How do you know?

Because David's
already called up

and wants us
to have dinner for 2
at momma Lucy's.

He'll marry me tonight.

I hope so.

Can I drive you
somewhere, Mr. Deever?

Oh, thanks,
Mrs. Krausheimer.

I'd appreciate it.

Give my love to Bertha
and those 4 girls.

Thanks.
and good-bye, Annie.

Good-bye.

I do hope everything
will be all right.

Mother, what are you
talking about?

Well, you call me up
if anything happens.

If nothing happens.

Now, don't worry, darling.

Good-bye.

Good-bye.

Uh, Lily?

You know that little bolero suit

that's hanging
in the closet?
Yes, ma'am.

Well, I was married in that suit

and I want to wear it tonight.

Isn't that wonderful?

Well, you know that
better than I do,
ma'am.

Well, get it, Lily.

Inhale, Mrs. Smith.
Inhale.

I can't understand
anything hanging
in a closet

shrinking so much.

How are you,
Mrs. Smith?
Fine. Fine.

Mrs. Smith's here.

Hello, darling.

I thought you
weren't going to
buy any more new clothes.

You look kind of cute.

Oh, you know,
I can't wait to see
momma Lucy's.

Uh, do you think
we'll get
the same table?

Oh, sure.

It'll be covered in
a checkered tablecloth

and there'll be a candle
in an old Chianti bottle.

And Rosa, the fortune teller.

You know, I even love
the smell of the place.

Either our noses have changed,

or they've built
a livery stable
around here somewhere.

Well, it's not exactly Chanel 5.

Let's go in.

The place has changed a little.

Customers.

Is momma Lucy here?

I'm momma Lucy.

Uh, you've changed
a little, too.

She went back
to the old country.

Uh--uh,
wait a minute.

We'd like to eat here.

You want to eat here?

Yes, if you haven't
any objections.

You got no objection,
I've got no objection.

Where you like to sit?

Well, we used to
come here years ago

and there used to be
tables outside.

Would it be too much trouble

to have it the way
it used to be?

Are you going to have
a 45 cent or
a 65 cent dinner?

65.

Ok.

Tablecloth isn't checkered.

It's dirty enough
so it looks checkered.

Candle stuck
in a beer bottle
isn't the same, is it?

Haven't they ever seen
anybody eat before?

Let's just
out-stare them.

That'll make them embarrassed.

Eat your soup, dear.

There's something
wrong with that soup.

It's your imagination.

Why doesn't the cat
eat the soup?

Animals know
what's good for them.

You notice he ate the olives.

The pits, too.

Well, that's roughage.

Make the best of it, darling.

Don't let it spoil our evening.

That cat knows something.

Where shall we go after this?

Home.

Home?

Well, aren't we supposed
to go someplace

before we go home?

All together,
it would make it
too late.

I'd give 5 bucks
to see that cat
take a sip of that soup.

David?

Yes, dear?

Tell me what you do
a day in the office.

You know, just a simple
day like today.

From the time
you came in
till you went home,

what happened?

Oh, uh...

Just a lot of smooch.

It's duller than
dishwater, really.

Oh, no, it isn't.
I'm very interested.

What sort of things
go on in a day?

Who did you see?

Please try and remember.

Well, now, let me see.

Oh, yes, yes, yeah.

Some sucker came in
and wanted his alimony
reduced.

Another guy came in

and wanted me
to rub out a name in his
grandmother's will.

And, uh, that's about all.

I spent most of the day
in conference with Jeff.

Things pile up in 3 days.

Wonder if he'll
take a little soup?

Come on.

No.

No, he won't.

Doesn't that mean something?

I want a stomach pump.

Waiter: nice cat, eh?

Yeah.

I'm unlucky with cats here.

The third cat this week.

They get run over...

[Relieved sigh]

I think.

Your name Mrs. Smith?

Yes. How did you know?

Your mother is in the kitchen.

On the phone.

Oh. Well, it
must be about
our red cross group.

Hello. Mother?

[Hushed]
not exactly.

He's teasing me.

He thinks he's being
romantic about it.

Mother, are you crying?

Oh, my poor baby.

Thank heaven
your father is dead.

Listen to me now.

Under no conditions--
do you hear me--

are you two to...

Why, mother!

Of course not.

Yes, mother.

If worse comes to worse,

I'll spend the night with you.

Oh, good night, my love.

Good night.

Everything all right?

Yes.

Darling, I have a little
secret to tell you.

Oh, it's about time.
What is it, dear?

You're a great kid.

It's...getting
rather late

if we have to go anyplace,

if you know what I mean.

I get it.

Waiter, check.

[Whistling]

Glasses, dear.

Glasses?

Don't want to drink
out of the bottle,

do you?

Get going, Annie.

Keep twirling it, honey.

[Whistling]

[Crash]

You beast! You know
we're not married.

You were never going to tell me.

I was going to tell you, Annie.

I was going to tell you later.

Later? How much later
could you have told me?

Now there's no need
in going on like this.

You were going
to wait until...
Annie.

And then throw me aside
like a squeezed lemon.

"Squeezed lemon."
Don't dramatize this.

I've given you the best
years of my life,

and you were willing
to go on and on.

I've always had
a suspicion about you.

So did my mother.

Your forehead
slants back too much.

Will you please
let me say some--

don't touch me.
But, Annie, I--

get out of here.

Go on. Go on. You're
not staying here.

But we can't leave
the bedroom until
after we've made up.

You're not in
the bedroom.
Get out!

Annie, listen to me.

I know you for what you are.

I'm lucky I found you out.
You're going out of here.

Those are my clothes.

Never come back.

I never want
to see you again
as long as I live.

Dear, what are you doing?

Good evening,
Mr. Smith.

Good evening, Thomas.

Have you a room
for a member who
pays his dues?

I'm sure we have.

Quite a novelty seeing you, sir.

Don't remember your
having spent a night
here in 3 years.

There you are, sir.

Hey. Look out.

Are you hurt?

Hello, Smith.

Hello.

Benson. Chuck Benson.
Don't you remember me?

You and I played
together in a foursome

in last year's golf tournament.

Yeah. How are you?

Fine. How are you?

Oh, well, I've got
kind of a little
crick in my neck,

and I thought this
might work it out.

Uh-huh.

Yeah. I had a fight
with my wife, too.

It wasn't exactly a fight.

You know what
I can't understand?

Whenever 2 people have a fight,

the woman always goes
home to her mother.

But when my wife
and I have a fight,

I have to get out of the house.

Huh.

How do you get back?

Simplest thing in the world.

Ignore it.
Ignore the whole thing.

The next day, they're
dying to see you.

Take it from me, brother.

I've had experience.

Yeah. You're right.

Just go to the office,

don't even telephone,

she worries why
don't I come back.

And when I do get back, why...

Thank you, Joe.

Yes.

What can I do for you?

What can you do for me?

What's this?

A chain to keep people out.

Well, open it up.

Miss Krausheimer's not at home.

Miss Krausheimer's not at home.

I'm going to come in and wait.

You open that up,
or I'll fire you.

You're not f*ring me.

I was the midwife
for Annie when she
was born.

I know how you've been
acting towards her,

and all I can say
of what she's done

is it's about time.

Hey!

What about my pen?

Thank you for
a wonderful
evening.

Gentleman: I'll
take you upstairs.

Oh, no, no. That's
quite all right,
Mr. Flugle.

I had a wonderful time.

I did, too, miss Krausheimer.

Good night.
Good night.

Oh, no, no, no,
Mr. Flugle.

Well, they can't
rule you out
for trying.

That's right.
Good night.

Better luck next time.
Good night.

Open that door.

I know you're in there.

Oh, now this is ridiculous.

I saw you downstairs
with that old goat.

Open that door.

I'm not gonna stand for this.

There's your pen.

Annie, you open that door.

When they come back
a second night,

things are bad.

Go on, go on.

Now.

Now what?

Are you going to stop
this silly farce,
or aren't you?

I've got a lot of work
piled up for me
at the office.

I've just been through
a 3-day session
of this nonsense,

and I haven't
any more time for
these games of yours.

You can come home now,

and I'm willing not
to discuss it anymore.

That's very generous of you.
Who do you think
you're talking to?

My wife.

We're not married.

Are you out of your mind?

Certainly we're married.

What do you mean
after 3 years
we're not married?

Legally, we're not married.

Oh, for--all right,
we'll get married.

Does that satisfy you?

"We'll get married."

That's a nice, snarly proposal.

Listen here. You had
a hard enough job

to get me to marry you before,

and I didn't know you.

But I do now,
and how I know you.

And if anyone asks you,
you're no bargain.

Well, what's the matter with me?

I don't want
this discussion
to run into hours.

I'm very busy.

Name one thing about me
you don't like.

One thing.

My, aren't we vain?

One thing I am not is vain.

What about that tar stuff
you keep rubbing
in your hair

that smells up my whole bedroom?

I am only trying
to save my hair
for you.

And you're
a fine one to talk--

going to bed with
those aluminum clips
in your hair.

You turned over one night

and cut me in 20 places.

You needn't worry.
You won't be cut
anymore.

I'm not gonna stand
any more of this,

and that's my final
word on the matter.

Nice to have met you.

I'm not going to support you.

What do you think of that?

Fine.

No. I mean it.

You're not gonna get
any more money.

Who asked you?

I want you to know
that I'm doing this
reluctantly.

Suits me.

Keep the change.

You're not being very practical.

How do you think
you're going to live?

I said, how do you think
you're going to live?

Good morning.

Good morning.

Good morning.

Hey, where you going, bud?

Are you looking for something?

Yes.

Can I help you?

Yes. You take this aisle
here, and I'll--

no, no. It's all right.
I'll find it myself.

I might be able to save
you a lot of trouble.

I'm very well acquainted
with the merchandise.

No. I'd just rather
run across it myself.

Something in lady's lingerie?

Yes. Yes, something
in lady's lingerie.

Well, that's--

don't tell me.
It's a game
I'm playing.

That's perfectly all right.

I see you. You might
as well come up.

Anything I can do for you, sir?

Are you crazy?

Will you please
do me a favor
and come home?

I'm supposed
to be in court
this morning.

Well, I'm sorry, sir.

I think you have
the wrong department.

We have nothing here for you.

Are you gonna come out
of here peacefully,

or will I have to carry you?

And the most wonderful
feature of these,

you don't have to launder them.

You merely throw them away.
Just throw them away.

That suits me.

Oh, no.

Leave me alone.
Don't you--

why, miss Krausheimer,

what are you doing
to the customer?

I'm not doing anything.
Look who's got who.

I'll have to ask you
to release our sales clerk.

Do you want to try
and make me release her?

If you're not pleased
with this clerk,

I'll be happy
to get you another.

I'm pleased with her, all right,

but she's no clerk.
She's my wife.

Your wife?
I am not.

Miss Krausheimer,

we understood
you were a single woman.

As an aid to
the unemployment crisis,

it is our policy
not to employ married women.

And quite right, too.

I am not married.
She's married,
all right.

We'll have to take this up
with the head of the firm.

Well, just take me to him.

Let's all go.

This way, please.

Oh...

This gentlemen claims
he's married to our
miss Krausheimer.

We are not married.

We're married, all right.

You understand,
miss Krausheimer,

it is not our policy
to employ married women.

I told her that.

I tell you we are
not married,
Mr. Flugle.

She's married. Where did
you meet this monkey?

Sylvia introduced me to him.

That's the last time
I want you to talk
to Sylvia.

I never liked her very much
in the first place.

Mr. Flugle, I tell you
I am a single girl.

She is not, you old goat.
And what do you mean by
taking out innocent girls

the night before you
give them a job
in this dump?

I am not innocent.

There you are.
She admits it.
She's my wife.

I didn't admit anything.

Are you referring to me
as an old goat?

Oh, sit down.

The store detectives.

I'll get the store detectives.

Yes. I'll get
the store...

Well, are you satisfied now?

I have an appointment
at the office.

Will you make up with me?

No. I'm not going to
make up with you ever.

For heaven sake, Ann,

what is the matter with you?

In the morning, I said
that if I had to do it
all over again,

I wouldn't want to marry you.

And now I have a chance
to do it all over again,

and I want to come back.

Doesn't that convince you
that I want to stay
married to you?

Oh, I believe that you
want to get married again,

and I'm very flattered, but
I don't want to marry you.

I've thought it all over,
and I'm not interested.

Well, what's the matter with me?

Well, I don't like your temper.

You're jealous.

You're always
knocking people down.

If you are referring
to new year's Eve,

I don't think that
that drunk had any right

to pick up your garter
and wave it around.

It wasn't my garter.
I showed you
both my garters.

That was after you'd gone
into the ladies room

and gotten Julie's garters.

They were my garters.

They were Julie's garters.

How do you know
they were Julie's
garters?

I know they weren't
your garters.

I don't know what
you two are selling,

but do you have a license
to get this crowd around?

What do you mean, license?

Run on about your business.

Go on and hit him,
why don't you?

Knock him down.
Go ahead.

Madam, I wouldn't
advise your friend

to strike an officer
in this town.

Well, officer, I'm on your side.

I don't even know this man.

Oh. b*at it, buddy.

Come on, you go this way,
and you go visit
Columbus circle.

Now wait a minute.

Go on, scatter.
Break it up.

Wait just--you can't
do this to me.

[Knock on door]

Come in.

Hello, David.

Hello.

I postponed
the Amanda case for you

and set back the Duffy hearing

and asked for a continuance

against the streetcar company.

That's fine.
That's just fine.

I'd like to ask you
to do something, David.

I'll get my work cleaned up

in no time at all.

I can't seem to get
my mind on it
right now.

Oh, that's all right, David.

You don't know what I'm
going to ask you yet.

Sure. Anything
you want. You know.

I'd like to have you drop in

at your own home tonight.

After dinner.

What do you mean?

Well, I took matters
in my own hands

and asked Ann
to have me to dinner.

She's fond of me,

and she knows I'm fond of her.

Well, I think I can
straighten this thing out.

I hope it is something
I can straighten out.

Oh, yeah. It's
nothing at all.

It's just a little
marital quarrel.

It's nothing at all, really.

Mm, I imagined it was that.

You're too fine
to do anything shoddy.

Well, now I'd like to have you

just drop in unannounced

at, shall we say,
uh, 9:00.

Jeff, I...

That's all right.

You're the best friend
a man ever had.

We're partners.

You're the best partner
a man ever had.

We were school chums.

You're the best fullback
that Alabama ever had.

I thought Henkel was great...

But Henkel couldn't touch you.

Thanks, David.

May I come in?

I'll see.

It's all right.

Hello, Ann.

David, I want you
to talk to my lawyer.

Your lawyer?

Mm-hmm.

What lawyer?

Ann has asked me

to represent her
in this matter,
David.

Oh, what for?

I've been telling her

she doesn't need a lawyer.

I'll say she doesn't.

She just told me all about it,

and as I understand
the facts
of the case,

you two aren't married at all.

There you are.

What?

So there's nothing
for the court
to decide.

This happened before
in Peterson vs. Peterson,

and Jeff said they
even threw it out
of the supreme court.

Hey, what's the matter with you?

And he said you're lucky
it isn't the south

and that I'm not his sister.

Why, you hillbilly
ambulance chaser.

Now there's no need
to lose our temper.

We're married.
If not legally,
then by common law.

That's just as good.
It's better.

Oh, I don't deny
there's a kind of

common law
relationship
between you.

Tell him the whole thing, Jeff.

However, the woman
is given the benefit

of any difficulties
arising out of
such relationship.

For instance, should you die,

as a wife, she's
entitled to share
in the husband's estate.

That's great. When I die,
she'll get the furniture.

Now you're entitled
to hold yourself forth
as the husband.

I am holding myself
forth as the husband.

I wish you'd tell me
something I don't know.

Should the woman, however,

care to halt the relationship

and marry someone else,

she's entitled to do so.

Peterson vs. Peterson,
Adams vs. Kelly,

and Gimbel vs.
New Pennsylvania
coal company.

You are supposed to be
my best friend,

and you're telling her this.

Now, David, I have
never taken advantage
of our friendship

by word or deed,

and it's only because
you're standing here

that I can now ask Ann.

Would you care to have
dinner with me
tomorrow night?

Ann, I'm asking you
to come to your senses
and marry me tomorrow.

If you have dinner with him
tomorrow night,

this is final--
we're through.

What time?

We're through.

From now on, we're just friends.

That's not necessary.

Is the Florida club all right?

Anywhere you say.

Jeff: I'll call
for you at 8:00.

Ann: that'll be fine.

Good night, Jeff.

Good night.

Good night, Ann.

Good night.

Good night.

Good night.

Comparing yourself to Henkel

as a football player.

You couldn't carry
Henkel's water bucket.

Good night, David.

You understand?

Yes, sir.

Ann: who is it?

Oh, Mrs. Smith,
could I see you
a moment, please?

Just a minute.

Good night, David.

Your nose is bleeding.

Are you sure that stuff
is good for a nosebleed?

Best thing in the world.

I always use it.

Then, I don't know.

I use it for everything.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, boy.

I guess I am a kind of a dummy.

Eh-heh.

The last thing in the world
I should do is chase her.

Leave her alone
for a week or 10 days.

Eh-heh.

She's used to me.

She can't get to sleep
until I get home.

Hmm.

I'll have fun
for a couple of nights,

play a little poker
with the boys.

Gloria?

Oh. I thought there
was a woman in here.

Hiya, Gloria.

Uh-huh.

And I'm kissing you back.

Mmm...

[Kiss kiss]

Jimmy?

This is no Jimmy.

This is chuckie.

Uh-huh.

Been missing
your Chuckie, honey?

She's a wonderful girl.

Society girl--
real class.

How about tomorrow night?

Atta-girl.

Listen, I got a friend.

How about Gertrude?

You'll like Gertrude.

Me? Gertrude?

Oh, he's a wonderful fella.

Society fella--
real class.

Did you ever see the girl

in the camel advertisements?

Is she as good looking as that?

Oh, Gertrude.

Say, I got a nice
little dinner partner
for you tomorrow night,

but he kinda needs cheering up.

Know what I mean?

Ok.

She wants to talk to you.

Hello?

She's kissing at me.

Kiss back at her.

I don't know her.

Well, it's all for a laugh.

She's a great kid.

[Kissing]

It feels kinda silly.

Huh?

Well, how do you know
you're crazy about me?

Oh. Oh, it's just
an ordinary voice.

I used to sing a little.

Didn't I tell you?

Yeah, he's a great fella.

8:00?

What'll we make it?

The Florida club.

How about the Florida club?

Ok. Good-bye.

Wait till you see 'em.

Wait till you see 'em.

What has Gertrude
got to do with camels?

She smokes 'em.

Yeah, but you said
something about
the advertisements.

Heh? Oh, well, she looks
like that girl.

She's a dead ringer for her.

She likes my voice.

That isn't all she'll like.

Yes, I'll take care
of that, Mr. Rondell.
I'll do the best--

I'll be there in a minute.

Um, Mr. Chuck Benson's
party.

Oh, yes, sir.
They're expecting you.

Right this way.

[Big-band swing music plays]

Not there, Davey!

Not there!

Over here, Davey!

Davey, my boy!

The one and only.

Here he is, kids, in the flesh.

What's been keepin' ya?

Well, hello there.

Chuck: what's
held you up, Davey?

The girls have been
waiting here for you
for more than an hour.

I've been a little
busy at the office.

Oh, no, no! Not there.
That doesn't go there.

Keep your hands off
of Gloria. This is
Gertie here.

No, no, right here is
where the chair goes.

Gloria o'day
and Gertie Schultz,
this is Davey Smith.

How do you do?
Hi.

What are you gonna
have to drink, Davey?

Why don't you try
an old-fashioned, Davey?

Yeah, have
an old-fashioned.

Hey, waiter, bring us
another old-fashioned.

Uh, uh...Couldn't--

isn't it a little
crowded in here?

Couldn't we go someplace
where it was quieter,
maybe a little darker?

No, hold it, cookie.

We'll go to one of them
dark, romantic places later.

We're eatin' first.

You ever been here?

Oh, yes, often.
That's why I...

Wanted to go someplace
where it was darker.

I don't get it.

It's awfully hot in here.

I know a place that's very cool.

Don't rush it. We're stuck
for the cover charge anyway.

Say, Davey, a couple
more hours of this...

I beg your pardon.

The pheasant, madame.

Dish it out,
I'm starved.
I could eat
a horse.

Don't forget to take
the feathers off.

This'll be right here, honey.

David's here.

Yes, so I see.

Who's he with, I wonder?

Well, so you wanna wrestle, huh?

[Not making any sound]

She's rather pretty, isn't she?

Do you know her, Jeff?

No, I don't.

I want to dance.

Oh, fine.

Do you care to dance, dear?

Yes, indeed.

You're looking
for trouble,
buddy.

You know what this pheasant is?

Nothin' but chicken,
and tough chicken at that.

3 bucks for this
with a couple of French fries.

What a racket.

Uh, Gertie doesn't
seem to like
the food here.

Maybe we better
go somewhere else.

It's gettin' better.
You gotta work on it
a little.

Relax. Relax.

Gloria: no, I think
Gertie's right.

We still should've
ordered some chop suey.

Chuck:
what's the matter, baby?
Don't you like pheasant?

Gloria: no, I like
some chop suey.

Just pour some ketchup on it.

Hey, waiter!
Bring us some ketchup.

But I don't like ketchup.

Then scrape the gravy off.
That ought to fix it.

Well, I still think
we should've ordered
some chop suey.

Aw, just eat it up, honey.
Then maybe Davey'll invite
us over to his house.

Yeah? Oh, swell.

Yeah. Eat it up.

All right.

[Nasally] my nose
has started bleeding.
I gotta go home again.

Aw, that's all right.
I can stop a nosebleed.

No, no, wait a minute.

Just lie right down.

Oh, sure.
No!

Hey, chum, gimme
a hunk of ice,
will ya?

Here you are.

No. No, no,
no, no.

Just take it easy.
I know how to stop that.

I used to fix
2 of these a night
at the dance hall.

Gertie, why don't you try
a cold Kn*fe under his nose?

Good idea.

David: let me up.

Don't talk.

Hey, waiter.

Put that chicken back
on the stove, will ya?

It's nothing at all,
folks. Just stand back
and give him some air.

Gloria: maybe he
should've ordered
chop suey, too.

I knew the way he was acting

he was gonna get
a punch in the nose.

Gloria: maybe he saw something
that made him dizzy.

Come, Ann.

Hey, give me another Kn*fe.
This one's hot.

Just cut my throat with it.

If you're upset,
I'll gladly take you home.

Upset? Why?

Because I saw David

with Florence nightingale?

I don't care who holds
a Kn*fe to him,

although I'd certainly
like the chance myself.

Well, uh...

Is there someplace
you'd like to go?

Yes.

I feel like
staying up
all night tonight.

I know. Let's
go to the fair.

Good idea.

I've never been so happy
in all my life.

Wonderful evening.

[Thud]

[Nervous giggle]

[Thud]

This is wonderful.

So happy and carefree.

[Thud]
ooh!

[Silence]

Uh-oh.

[Nervous laugh]

You know, they're
being very clever.

They're making believe
we're stuck.

We are stuck.

That's what I thought.

Why don't they
do something
about it?!

Keep calm, Ann.
Don't be frightened.

It's much better
to stay where we are.

You're soaked through.

It's nothing.

[Sniffles]

You're catching cold.

It's only a little sniffle.

Ah-choo!

You know what David does

if he sneezes twice
in one evening?

He goes to bed with
4 hot water bottles,

a quart of Brandy,

and a red woolen cap
over his head.

You ought to see him
in bed with that
red woolen cap.

The moment we get down

we'll go to your apartment

and get you into
some dry clothes.

My apartment?

Mmm.

Excuse me.

Ah-choo!

What a beautiful room.

No wonder
you've never gotten married.

Who did it for you, Jeff?

I did it myself.

Do you like the color scheme?

You did?

David couldn't even tell you
the color of our walls.

He could be living in a tent.

It's the most tasteful
man's bedroom
I've ever seen.

Thank you.

Uh, what about your hair?

Oh, don't worry about it.

I'll just dry it
in front of the fire.

Well, would you excuse me?

I'm going to get
into something
more comfortable.

[Door opens]

Well, is that your idea

of something more comfortable?

Well, I only have
one dinner coat.

Don't tell me
you expect
to go out again

in your condition.

Well, this hasn't been
much of an evening for you.

Don't you ever think
about yourself?

What you need, young man,

is a little medical attention.

Oh, I feel fine, Ann, really.

2 big swallows of this,

there'll be one less
pneumonia case tomorrow.

Now you sit.
Sit right over there.

Is that for me?

Yes.
all in one big gulp.

I don't drink liquor.

I just keep it for David...

And friends.

You mean
you never drink liquor
at all?

I haven't anything against

other people
drinking it, mind you,

but I just never seem
to get around

to breaking training.

I eat 4 different
vegetables a day.

Really?

You know, when I was
a young fella,

I attended a temperance lecture,

and it was very instructive.

I've never forgotten it.

Now, this man
was explaining
the evils of liquor,

and there was a drunk
in the audience

who kept interrupting him.

Finally, the lecturer
asked the drunk

to come up on the platform.

When he got there,

he asked him to open one eye.

And do you know what he did?

He took an eyedropper
full of whiskey

and squirted it
into that man's eye.

Well, you never heard
such hollering
in all your life.

Of course, his whole eye
got inflamed,

and the lecturer pointed out

that the lining in your stomach

is exactly
the same composition
as your eyeball.

Well, sir,
I've never been able
to forget that.

It's rather a dirty trick.

Then you know what happened?

The drunk left the hall
and came back
a few minutes later

and went up on the platform

and asked the lecturer
to open his eye.

And do you know what he did?

What?

He jammed
a whole handful
of cone crinkles

in that man's eye

and turned
to the audience
and said,

"that's what cone crinkles do

to the lining of
your stomach."

Well, it served him right.

Ah-choo!

Well, this isn't alcohol,
Jeff, it's medicine.

Well, if you think I ought to.

Yes, I do.
One big gulp now.

Well, don't you feel it?

Doesn't it burn you or anything?

No.

I've tried this before,

and it's very interesting.

I don't mind the taste of it.

Only thing is
my metabolism
must be very high

'cause I'm sorry to say

I'm not one of those
strong, silent men

who can hold their liquor.

I never saw anyone
hold it as well.

I don't think
one is going to do you
any good.

I think another one
would be a mistake.

It's just medicine.
It kills the germs.

All in one gulp now.

Your good health.

What a constitution.

Uh-oh.

[Hiccup]

Maybe that second one
was too much.

Miss Ann...

May I beg your leave
for a moment?

Certainly.

Jeff, are you feeling all right?

Now you come
right over here
and sit down.

I wouldn't want to get bold.

We'll keep the table between us.

That's right.
Right over here.

You sit right there.

I'll sit right over here.

My only fear is
that I may not act
like a gentleman.

Well, I always say

that a man's
true character
comes out

when he's had
one drink too many.

Do you want to know
the basic difference

between you and David?

You give him one too many,

and he tilts forward at you.

And you, Jeff,
you lean backwards.

Thank you.

I'll tell you something else.

All evening I've been waiting

for just one little
suspicious move
from you.

There isn't one man
in a thousand

who wouldn't
take out a girl
in my position

and just try something.

No matter how faint,

it would still be something.

And look
how wonderfully
you're acting.

Thank you.

Very first time
I went out with David,

he ruined a brand-new
$85 dress I had.

He was just awful.

Didn't change
the whole first year
we were married.

I used to think maybe
it was the things
he ate.

I tried changing
his diet around
and everything.

Thank you.

I had a wonderful evening, Jeff.

I'm going to leave you now.

You cover up warm in bed

and get a good night's sleep.

You'll feel much better
in the morning.

I intend taking you home, Ann.

Oh, absolutely not, Jeff.

Thank you.

Good night, Jeff.

Good night, Ann.

You're probably dying to kiss me

and haven't got the nerve.

That's true.

You may.

I have a cold.

That's very considerate.

Thank you.

That's another basic difference

between you and David--

colds never stopped him.

He had the measles once.

How I didn't
get the measles
I'll never know.

Good night, Jeff.

Good night, Ann.

Here we go again.

I hope she's not going
to visit her mother

out on long island again.

I don't think so.

My wife don't like me
to do this.

This is like driving private.

I don't get any freedom.

You get paid, don't you?

You owe me some more money.

I gave you 20 bucks
day before yesterday.

You used that up 2 days ago.

I'll pay you later.
Don't lose her.

How did you ever become
a private detective anyway?

My whole family
are private detectives.

This must be costing
her husband a pile
of dough.

You want to hear my opinion?

What?

You ain't going
to catch her
at anything.

She's pretty foxy.

Oh, I don't know.

You know what
we ought to do,
you and me?

What?

Let's go
to a burly-q show.

This dame ain't
going to do nothing
this afternoon.

In the afternoons
is when you catch them.

No kidding?

That's funny.

What is?

Where does my wife go
every afternoon?

Hey, look.
Look. She's going
to visit me.

Oh, good morning.

Good morning.

There's someone waiting
for you in the office.

That's perfectly all right.

Well, Mr. Smith,
it's about time.

Oh, how do you do,
Mr., uh...

You've even forgotten my name.

I'm a client of yours.

I paid you $1,000 retainer fee

to sue my brother-in-law.

My name is Conway.

Yes, of course,
Mr. Connolley.

Won't you sit down?

I made up my mind
I was going to see you

if it took me all week,

and it has taken me all week.

Where have you been?

Just relax,
Mr. Connolley.

We've got
your brother-in-law

right where we want him.

If you'll lie down there
for a minute,

I'll get the files on the case.

My name is Conway.

I've been sleeping here so much

I can't sleep at home.

Where did my wife go?

She's in
Mr. Custer's office.

Mr. Custer's parents
surprised him.

Well, the truth is
we're going to lake placid.

We've always talked
about spending a vacation
in the snow,

and now we're going to do it.

But we didn't know
there'd be nearly
2 hours between trains.

Is there no chance
that you 2 can join us?

Well, I--

they're all in there?

Yes.

But what about
Mr. Conway?

Hello, Jeff.

Oh, excuse me.

Um, about poor old Conway.

His brother-in-law
has him where it hurts,

and I've been thinking
about it a great deal.

Why, you're David Smith.

Jefferson's partner.

David Smith, my parents.

Oh, how do you do, sir?

I'm glad to see you.

The pleasure's all mine, sir.

We know so much about you.

Jefferson's just written
and written.

You're like one of the family.

This is Mr. Smith,
Jefferson's partner.

Miss Ann Krausheimer.

We met some time ago.

Yes. We know
one another
very well.

Of course.
You've probably seen
a great deal of her.

Yes, I have.
A great deal.

I hope I'm not
interrupting
anything.

Sit right down, boy.

We'll all get acquainted
at once.

Mother and I
have just met miss Ann,

and we find out now
they're both mighty sweet
on each other.

Ashley.

David probably knows it
better than we do,

don't you, David?

Oh, yes, yes, of course.

If it hadn't been for me,

they'd never even
gotten together.

Mrs. Custer:
That's so romantic.

Any of your family
from the south?

Well, no, not exactly,

but I had a relative
in the civil w*r

who didn't fight at all.
He was a slacker.

A great many northerners
saw it that way, ma'am,

and I give them credit.

Mrs. Custer:
You know what
I was thinking?

What, Mrs. Custer?

If 2 people wanted
to go on a honeymoon,

they could just take
the boat to New Orleans

and motor right up
through the south
to our home.

A boat's a wonderful place
for 2 people.

That wouldn't be
very good--
excuse me.

That wouldn't be
very good for Ann.

You remember how sick you were

the time we took
that night boat
to Albany.

She's not a very good sailor.

And I can give you
some good practical
advice on that, too.

Whenever she gets on a boat,

don't let her have
anything to eat
even if she wants to.

Just put her to bed

and put a hot water bottle
on her stomach

and hold it there
no matter how she hollers.

That settles her stomach.

He considers himself
quite a medical authority.

Yes.

How do you like
New York, Mrs. Custer?

Oh, fine.

It's so big, though,
with everybody
rushing around.

Well, I'm afraid
that's rather deceiving.

We're really one big
happy family here.

Of course, there are
a thousand and one
little things

that go on underneath
the surface--

oh, that reminds me.

What about my laundry?

I haven't any more shorts.

Uh, Ann kind of
took care of his things
around the house.

Little household things.

And one of the best
housekeepers
you ever saw.

I suppose
you're wondering
about us.

Well, it's quite simple.

I've known Ann for a long time

and wanted to marry her.

Still do, as a matter of fact,

but--well,
fortunes of w*r.

Oh.

I see.

Let me tell you something.

I know of no finer compliment

that I could pay to any girl

than to tell you
this--

when a man has been sitting

across the breakfast table

from the same woman
for 3 solid years

and still wants to marry her,

well, she's quite a girl.

Jefferson, may I see you
in private, please?

Come, mother.

Excuse us, please.

Certainly.

Excuse me a minute, Ann.

Uh, we can go in here, father.

In here, Jefferson.

What kind of white trash
is this you've taken up
with?

Father, I know
it sounded
very confusing.

I wasn't confused at all.

What's she doing with
a hot water bottle
on her stomach?

And sending his shorts
to the laundry?

3 years' breakfast?

Well, they had
a very peculiar
relationship.

Were they married?

Not exactly.

Not exactly?

I thought so--

[rattling]

The plumbing
isn't very good
in this building.

Now, you mustn't jump
to any conclusions
about Ann.

Are you satisfied now?

Are you satisfied
to take 2 fine people
like that

whose whole lives
are wrapped up
in their son

and make them unhappy?

What about me being unhappy?

All you ever think about
is yourself.

I can't see how

you could have been
associated with Jeff
for so long

and not gotten
some of his fine qualities.

What's fine about them?

Well, he's kind
and simple and gentle.

Oh, you're in
one of your
romantic moods again.

That's been the trouble
since the beginning.

And since when have
you been so crazy
about the gentle act?

Shall I recall to you
how I got this?

A bed lamp.

When you get to know Ann,

you'll find
that she's everything
a man wants in a wife.

[Rattling]

Can't you get an office
with better plumbing?

Now, mother,
I'm going
to bring Ann

up to lake placid
next weekend
to visit you.

Maybe we're being
too hasty, Ashley.

We'll make reservations
for the children
for next weekend.

I don't want to seem
too harsh, mother.

All right, Jefferson,
we'll try and forget
all this.

[Rattling]

How do you do?

How do you do?

Is it too late to go skiing?

If you hurry,

you can get
a couple of hours in
after lunch.

We'll hurry.
Just make an "X,"
Jeff.

Oh, Mr. Custer,
I have a message for you

from your parents.

They're on our excursion trip
to the lake.

The group won't be able
to get back

until later tonight.

The snow has blocked
all the roads.

I see.

Well, uh, what floor are we on?

You're rooms
are not in the lodge.

Well, I thought they were.

They were changed
to one of the cabins.

That's funny.

Well, I'm sure
you'll find it
very satisfactory.

There's more privacy,

and a great many people
prefer that.

That'll be all right, Jeff.

Well, how far is it from here?

It's only half a mile,

and the sleigh brings you
back and forth for meals.

It gives you quite an appetite.

Uh, they're not
connecting rooms,
are they?

No, they're separate suites.

Well, I guess
we better stay here
for lunch

before we go.

Yes. Boy, they'll be
in cabin McKinley.

Yes.
yes.

Each cabin is named
after a president.

How very patriotic.

Hmm, clean, cold air.

I love the smell of snow.

No one can smell snow.

I can.

It isn't snow.

Those 2 bags go in one room

and the rest in the other.

Yes, sir.

Pardon me.

Hmm...

Brrr!

Don't catch cold now.

There you are, boys.

Thank you, sir.

Telephone when you want
to go to dinner.

The sleigh will be here
in a few minutes.

That'll be fine.

The sleigh service
is discontinued
after 10:00 at night.

So are the telephones.

We try to make this
a real retreat.

Well, that suits me.

A man has no right
to ask anything
more beautiful.

Oh, look.
Someone else has
the other suite.

I'm glad of that.

Well, on with our skis.

Why, it's David.

What are you doing here?

Oh!

Oh, he's fainted.

What happened to him?

He's terribly ill.

He's got quite an even pulse.

Well, don't let him
soak here.
Carry him inside.

Oh, yes.

Go easy, Jeff.

Easy, Jeff.

Ann, would you hold his arms?

Well, but you--

no, no, his...
His arms.

Then maybe I can do it.

Let me see now.

Well, Ann, you hold
his legs, huh?

That's fine.

Too heavy for you, honey?

No. I guess
I better go first.

Oh, easy, Jeff.

One step, honey.

Set his legs down, honey.

Now...

Let's rest a minute.

All right?

Yes.

All right.

Now we got him.

I better go first.

Mind the stairs, now, honey.

That's fine.

Careful.

That's a girl.

In here, Jeff.

In here.

Right here.

Ooh!

I better go.

Hang on. Swing.

1...

2...

3.

This is his room.

He doesn't seem
to be breathing, Jeff.

Don't worry now, Ann.
Control yourself.

He's frozen.
He's blue with cold.

He's breathing fine.

Maybe he ought to have
a little Brandy.

No, I'm afraid not.
I think that's what did it.

Yes, I can see
he's been at it
all week.

I think a few hours' sleep
will bring him around.

Do you really think so?

Mm-hmm.

We'd better get
these wet clothes off him.

Come on now, old man.

Oh, that's fine.

We will go away
the first 2 weeks
in December.

The first 2 weeks in December.

What's he saying?

We were supposed to come here
the first 2 weeks in December.

You'll be crazy about it, Ann.

Well, he must have
been here the whole week
torturing himself.

He--he shouldn't
have come here.

Playing in the snow.
We'll have a lot of fun.

Let's get these wet things
off him.

Look out! Look out!

You'll fall.

He thinks we're skiing.

You're very graceful, Ann.

But don't go so fast
the next time.

I don't want you
to hurt yourself.

Isn't that terrible?

Look out!
Look out for that tree!

Ann, I think you better
go to your room now.

Why?
what's the matter?

I want to get him undressed.

Well, go ahead.

Well, I...

Oh. Well, if you need me,
call me.

David:
the first 2 weeks
in December.

If you take
a little walk
in the snow,

you'll feel better.

He'll get delirious again
and want water.

He's sleeping like a baby.

There's nothing
we can do for him now.

I think I'll look once more.

[Door closes]

He's asleep.

[Mumbling]

He's trying to say something.

The first 2 weeks in December.

What's he saying?

Oh, he's still at
the first 2 weeks
in December.

He's opening his eyes.

Hello, David.

Hello, David.

Hello, Ann.

My, he is in bad shape.

Don't you remember me?

Try and think, David.
This is Ann. Annie.

This is Jeff.
Your old school chum,
Jefferson.

I'll never forget you
in that little blue dress.

That's the dress
I was wearing
when I first met him.

The one I told you about,
the one he tore.

He liked me in that.

I think we ought
to let him rest
a while.

[Gurgling]

What's the matter?
That isn't a rattle,
is it?

I don't think so.

I wish I could
hear it again,
though.

[Gurgling]

No. He's just
clearing his throat.

He looks awful.

He'll look better
when he gets a shave.

Yes, that's what I was thinking.

We'll send for a barber
tomorrow.

[Water running]

Are you expecting me
to shave him?

No. I can do it.

You? Why, Ann,
that's something

only a barber can do.

It's very difficult
to shave someone else.

I've always shaved him.

You shaved him?

Mm-hmm.

He's going to speak.

No.

That barber's
just ruined his skin.

Boy. Boy,
I want a shine.

He thinks he's in
the barber shop.

Look.

He's lifting his hand.

He thinks he wants a manicure.

Oh. What shall I do?

Maybe we better
humor him. Hold it.

You think we're doing
the right thing?

Yes. We mustn't
do anything to shock him.

He thinks I'm a manicurist,
doesn't he?

Mm-hmm.

He's squeezing my hand.

In a few minutes,
he'll ask you
for your phone number.

Will you get me his lotion
out of the bathroom?

Sure.

Sit down, Ann.

You know, a woman
can't control herself
entirely by her head,

which is probably
why we love you.

Now, you and David
have had 3 years together,

and whether
you realize it or not,
there's a bond between you,

and it's not easily broken.

People get divorced.

It's true that I think
you'd be better off with me,

but then I'm prejudiced.

My first wish
is to see you happy,

and it's possible--
it's more than possible--

that as peculiar as David is,
you still couldn't be happy
without him.

Tell you what
I'd like you to do--

you take back
your promise to marry me

and think about it
for a few days.

If you find
you can't go on
without David, well,

you know I'll wish you
every happiness
in the world.

That's very kind of you.

Don't you think
we ought to see
how he's getting along?

We'll only wake him up.

I'll go see
if he's still asleep.
I'll look through the window.

[Door opens]

I will never forget you

in that little blue dress.

Little blue dress, eh?
You've been found out,
you beast.

I should've known
your being here
was all too convenient.

Now look here, Ann.

Big sympathy act,
coming up here and pretending
you're all a-bat.

But I love you, Ann.
Listen to me, David.

You pick up and get out of here.

I never want to lay eyes
on you again.

You're just making
a nuisance of yourself.

Get your hands off me.

I don't care what you say.
I know you're in love
with me.

And I know you're crazy.

You're mine,
and you belong to me.

You couldn't have anything
to do with that pile
of Southern fried chicken.

That's what you think.

Let me tell you something, Ann.

You couldn't let him
lay a hand on you.

I know you, not after
what we've been
to each other.

He's going to lay a hand on me,

and we're going to get married.

Ok. If that's the way
you feel about it,

I won't stand in your way.

I've been thrown out
of my own home,
threatened by cops,

chased around in taxi cabs,

and neglected my job,
only because I loved you
and wanted you back again.

Now I'm finished.
It's all washed up.

Go ahead and marry the guy.

I hope you'll be very happy.

Well, you heard.

He liked me in that
little blue dress.

Jeff, will you marry me?

Why, I'd be honored, Ann.

You think it's wise
to make a decision
in anger?

Even at a time like this,
you could be considerate
of him?

Your happiness
is my only concern.

I'm not good enough
for you, Jeff.

Why, I think you're making me

the happiest man in the world.

I know what you'd like.

You'd like some nice
dinner now, wouldn't you?

How about some nice
Southern fried chicken?

Yes.

David: hello? Hello?
Is that the Porter?

What's the first train
I can get back to New York?

10:30?

All right.
Have a sleigh up here

half an hour before, will you?

[Hangs up phone]

[Bells jangle]

I thought it was
a very nice dinner,
didn't you?

I wasn't very hungry.

Hope he has the decency
to leave tonight.

Who, David?

He won't stay around
where he's not wanted.

I bet you he'll be gone
by the time we get back.

You know the real reason
he keeps chasing me?

He's still so much
in love with me.

He's such an egotist
that he can't bear the idea

of letting someone else kiss me.

He just won't believe
that I'm going to marry you.

Well, he'll have to
after we're married.

Mmm, it's getting colder, Jeff.

Could you
tell the driver
to go faster?

Driver, go straight
to cabin McKinley

and take the short cut,
if there is one.

You know, I'm worried about him.

Who?

Oh, David, yes.

He may have been
putting on an act today,

but he'll really
take to drinking
from now on.

Oh, I don't think so.

He'll probably find
someone else.

David's the type that always
gets married again.

I'm so afraid
he'll ruin his life
on account of me,

spoil a brilliant future.

He is brilliant, you know.

If I could
only make him--

I mean, if I could only
disillusion him about me,

make him hate me, do something.

Yes, if he'd only hate me,
that would be the solution.

Listen, listen,
it would work, too.

Those walls are paper-thin,
and he could hear
everything.

Why, Ann, what are you
suggesting?

Oh, it's a wonderful idea.

Hurry, driver, hurry.

Yes, ma'am.
Giddyup.

Shh!

Good night, Jeff.

Good night, Ann.

It's a wonderful thing
you're doing.

He'd be on my conscience
otherwise.

Good night, Ann.

Come on in, Jeff.

It's early yet.

Jeff! Jeff!

Oh, put me down, Jeff.
Put me down this instant.

Now, Jeff...

Ha ha. Now, you know
I've had enough
to drink, Jeff,

and so have you.

Ha ha.

[Glass shatters]
Oh, Jeff.

Oh. Jeff, are you hurt?

Shh. Shh.
Don't talk so loud.

Let me help you up, Jeff.

Ohh.

Unh.

My, aren't you strong?

[Ann giggles]

Oh.

Ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha.

My, what a heavy shoe
it is, Jeff.

Jeff!

Oh, no. No.

Jeff, what are you doing?

Unless you stop, Jeff,
I'll have to ask you
to leave.

Jeff, behave yourself.

You haven't even got any pride.

I only did this for you
so you'd realize it was
all over between us.

There's only one way
to handle you.

Ooh, let go of me.
Let go of me. Jeff!
Let go of me.

Let go. Jeff! Jeff,
I--I'm not acting.
This is real.

Come in, Jeff.

Come in, Jeff!

[Struggles] Jeff!

Hit him, Jeff.
Hit him.

I don't need it.

Do you want to make
anything out of it?

I forgive you, David.

You mean you're
not gonna hit him?

You're not gonna hit him?

Ann, you're so attractive
that I take it for granted
that other men,

less disciplined, will always
take liberties with you.

v*olence shows
a lack of character.

You mean
you're not going
to do anything to him?

Would you respect me more
if I knocked him down?

Would I? You big blubber,
what kind of a man are you?

How could you
be in love with a woman
and let someone paw her?

Now, Ann, let's not
say anything in anger
we'll be sorry for.

Haven't you
any self-respect?

Surprise, surprise.

Isn't it wonderful up here?

Are you children having
a good time together?

Ann, do you realize
you're raising your voice?

Huh!
raising her voice?

Certainly I'm raising my voice.

Well, I never saw you
act like this before.

I always thought you were
the gentle type of girl.

Very gentle.
How do you think
I got this?

Jefferson, I forbid you
to marry this--this woman.

You--you forbid him
to marry me?

Listen to me, you stuffed shirt.

Even a mouse
has enough backbone
to fight sometime.

Taking your hat off
on that elevator doesn't
make a man out of you.

You can teach a monkey
to do that.

And I'll take a mouse
or a monkey anytime,

whether
he's a dipsomaniac
or beats his wife

for the lump of jelly like you.

But I'm not taking you.

Why don't you go out
and get a girl guide
and go camping together?

Let me out of here
before I forget
I'm a lady.

You have just seen her in
one of her quieter moments.

What are you doing?

The telephone is disconnected,

and there's no transportation,

and I'm gonna spend
the evening at the lodge.

But that's ridiculous.

Why don't you
spend the night here?

Mm-mmm.
not on your life.

How are you gonna get there?
You can't ski.

Well, if necessary,
on my hands and knees.

You're not doing me any favor
by staying here.

I just as soon you'd get out.

We see eye to eye.

In fact, I'll help you get out.

Ow!

Sorry.

Thank you.

[Door slams]

I'm warning you,
I'll k*ll you in cold blood.

Sometime, someday,
when your back is turned,
I'll s*ab you.

I'm telling you,
don't you try anything.

David, get me
out of these things.

Get me out of here!

David! David,
get me out of these!

I'll break every bone
in your body! David!

David, I--

oh.

Oh...

David...

Ohh...

David.

Oh...

David.