01x02 - The Salmon of Knowledge

[bunniefuu]

♪ Jakers! It's the tales of our pal, Piggley

♪ Ireland is the world he loves so well

♪ He wriggles out of spots that are downright stickley

♪ How he does that only he can tell

♪ Piggley, Ferny, Molly and Dannan

♪ Never miss a chance to have too much fun

♪ In Tara or Raloo

♪ Lots of excitement for everyone

♪ Curiosity's in a hurry

♪ Leaving no time to stop and think

♪ The line between wild and crazy gets blurry

♪ Jakers! The Adventures of Piggley Winks

♪ Something in the way his eyes start blazin'

♪ Tells us he's on to a brand new plan

♪ His lips curl up, it's downright amazing

♪ Looking for mischief, well he's your man

♪ Piggley, Ferny, Molly and Dannan

♪ Never miss a chance to have too much fun

♪ In Tara or Raloo

♪ Lots of excitement for everyone

♪ Jakers! We go to bed just to wake up early

♪ To get in trouble or on the brink

♪ The line between wild and crazy gets blurry

♪ Jakers! The Adventures of Piggley Winks

(happy tinkling music)

- [Seamus] Does too! He told me!

- [Sean] No way. That's bogus.

- [Seamus] It's true!

- [Sean] Nuh-Uh!

- [Seamus] You ask!

- You ask!

- Hey, what's this now?

You two are clucking like a couple of hungry chickens.

- Seamus says you know a leprechaun!

- Oh! Sean won't believe me!

- Do you know a leprechaun?

- Of course he does.

- Does not.

- Does too.

- Does not.

- Does too.

- Well now, I don't really know any leprechauns.

But I did make friends with the Salmon of Knowledge once.

- Salmon?

- Of knowledge?

- That's right.

Leprechauns aren't the only magical creatures

in Ireland, you know.

There's also this truly amazing fish.

And, once, back when I was a cheeky young lad

living on Raloo Farm,

I actually--

- Sorry Dad.

No stories for these two

'til they finish cleaning up their room.

(crashing and clunking)

- [Both] Done!

- What?

- Well now. Let's see.

Ah, yes, I remember the thought.

The whole thing started one fine Friday afternoon.

The very best day of the week, eh, Seamus?

Now. We'd been told, that very day at school,

that we'd be having a big test

first thing on Monday morning.

But the test seemed a long time away

with the whole weekend before us.

So my friends and I went straight to our favorite hill

to play in our moon rocket.

- A mighty mole monster has invaded our space station!

(blows raspberry)

- Let the countdown begin!

- Three, two, one.

Blastoff!

- Wee!

(laughing)

Yow-wow-wow-wow!

That was mighty!

- Let's do it again!

- Come on, get off, it's my turn now!

Hey, what's this?

- Piggley, can I have me buggy back now?

Margaret wants to go for a walk.

- Molly, it's not a buggy.

I mean, you know, does it look like a buggy?

This is the Raloo Moon Rocket!

- Margaret wants to go for a walk.

- But she can't go for a walk in a rocket.

She'll be lost in space if you put her in there.

- [Piglets' Mother] Piggley! Molly! Supper now!

- Coming, Mommy!

- Supper. I best be gettin' home meself!

- Ah, no, not yet!

- I better be goin', too.

- I'll see you both tomorrow, then.

- I don't think so, Piggley.

Some of us are gonna be studyin'

for the big test on Monday!

- What? What, Dannan?

- You haven't forgotten that Mr. Hornsby's

promised a gold star to everyone who gets a top mark?

- Oh! That's right!

I suppose I better be doing some studyin' tomorrow, too!

- But, but, Dannan! Ferny!

Tomorrow's Saturday.

We always play on Saturday.

And the test isn't until Monday.

- Hold it, Grandpa.

What about the magic fish?

- Yeah, where's the Salmon of Knowledge?

- No. First you rush your chores,

and then you rush my story?

None of that. No.

- Sorry, Grandpa.

- Go on, tell us the rest.

- Fair enough. Now then...

Oh yes, the next day I was feeling quite low

about having no one to play with

on a fine Saturday morning.

Everyone else was off studying,

so I decided to take a s*ab at it myself.

Though I was having a bit of trouble

concentrating on the task at hand.

Jakers! That's grand!

- That's an interesting way you have

of studying, little man.

- I'm all done, Mam!

Well, I just thought I'd have a little break.

After all, the brain's buzzing

with all the learning in there.

- Piggley, if you want to be getting good marks,

you have to put in the work.

There's no easy way around it, I'm afraid.

Unless, of course, you want

to catch the Salmon of Knowledge.

- The Salmon of Knowledge. Of course.

I'll catch the Salmon.

He knows everything about...

About everything!

I'll never have to study again!

(light relaxing music)

- Wow, wow, wow.

What a pasture, what a pasture.

So lush. So green. So fully packed.

(stomach rumbles)

Settle down. Settle down, boys.

Boy, when you got four stomachs,

being hungry is dangerous.

Yo, flock.

Somebody once said the grass is always greener

on the other side of the fence.

And you know what?

They were right.

It's a veritable smorgasbord over there.

Listen very carefully.

Jump. Fence.

Eat. Grass.

Watch. Me. Sheep.

Ta-da!

Come on sheep, follow me!

A one, a two!

Feel the burn!

Leap! And elevate!

And what the heck is that?

(sheep snoring)

- Huh? Piggley!

- Oh, you've been studying for the big test

on Monday, have you, Ferny?

- I have.

It's all going in, Piggley.

I'm going to sail through the test, no problem.

- Ah, well done, Ferny.

Glad to hear it.

- Ask me a question.

Any question in the book, go on.

I betcha I can answer it.

- I betcha I can answer any question in the world

without even reading this book.

Or any book.

- All right, then.

What's the capital of--

- Are you daft?

I can't answer that yet.

But I will be able to, as soon as we catch

the Salmon of Knowledge.

- The Salmon of Knowledge?

- A long time ago, in the clear blue waters of Loch Derg,

there lived a simple salmon.

Hanging over his watery home,

there was a very special hazelnut tree.

And inside each and every nut on that tree

was all the knowledge in the whole world.

One day, one of those nuts fell into the loch.

And a salmon gobbled it all up,

filling him to the gills with everything

there is to know about, well, absolutely everything.

- Janey Mac...

- So if we were to catch this little wonder...

But no, I can see you're too busy.

- No! No, no, no I'm not!

I'll help you find him.

I'll help you find him!

- So what're we waiting for?

Let's go catch some magic!

- Wow. A fish who knows everything.

Think of the brain on that guy.

Think of it.

A fish with a giant head.

And nut-crackin' teeth. Big choppers.

Hey, if a big-headed fish with teeth

can get so smart from one little nut,

think of what it can do for us sheep

(sheep snoring)

- Peanuts, get your peanuts!

Fresh, hot, peanuts of knowledge!

Hey, there, sheep you're in a rut.

So wise up quick and eat a nut.

Be the smartest sheep on the farm.

Discover the secrets of the universe.

Learn to operate heavy machinery!

(snoring)

- He swings, he misses.

No hits, no runs, no brains.

The sign is retired.

(water bubbling)

- Ferny, there it is!

- Janey Mac!

- [Both] There's the Salmon of Knowledge!

(distant yelling)

- How's a person supposed to study

with all this nonsense goin' on?

- Dannan! Me and Piggley are going

to catch the Salmon of Knowledge.

- What, what, what, what, what?

Has Piggley been feeding you fairy stories?

Salmon of Knowledge. (laughs)

- No, Dannan, listen.

The Salmon of Knowledge is the smartest fish in the...

In the whole of Ireland!

- Oh. Is it really now?

Well, if salmon are so smart,

why are they always getting caught

and cooked up for dinner?

Huh?

- Piggley? If salmon are so smart, why are they--

- I don't blame you for laughin, Dannan.

I know it sounds silly, but this is no ordinary salmon.

This salmon is magical.

- It's magical.

- Huh, so if it is magic,

how are you gonna catch it, then?

With your magical invisible fishing pole?

- Piggley, have we got a magical invisible--

- Of course we don't. No such thing.

- Oh.

- Anyway, we don't need one, 'cause we're...

We're gonna scare him out of the water!

- This is gettin' sillier and sillier.

- Scare him?

- That's right.

Salmon are very easy to scare.

Well known fact.

What we do is make our scariest faces

and scare him right out.

Ready, Ferny?

- Ready.

- One. Two. Three!

(waggling tongues)

(screaming)

- I thought you said salmon were the easy ones to scare.

- Can't be that hard to catch a dumb fish.

I got it! Whoa!

(fish wriggling, Ferny shrieking)

Now I'll never have to study again!

- Jakers.

Just look at him.

- Do you really think that's

the Salmon of Knowledge, Piggley?

- Course it is!

Go ahead, ask him somethin'.

He knows everything.

- Mr. Brainy Fish, sir.

Do you know what I had for breakfast this mornin'?

(bubble pops)

- There, see? He says yes.

He knows.

- I didn't hear anything.

- One bubble means yes, and two bubbles means no.

- Okay, so what did Ferny

have for breakfast today, hmm?

- Mr. Salmon says he had

six eggs, fried spuds, soda bread with marmalade,

fruit, kippers, beans, and mushrooms,

and porridge with milk.

The top of the bottle!

- That's absolutely amazing!

It really is the Salmon of Knowledge!

- That's what you have for breakfast every morning, Ferny.

- That's just fine, Dannan.

You don't want to believe in my fish, you don't have to.

Ferny and I will be leavin' you to your studyin',

and we'll go and play.

We'll see who ends up with a top mark

on the test Monday morning.

- (sighs) I hope you really are

the Salmon of Knowledge.

I really do.

(stealthy music)

- Ahem!

Okay, Mr. Smartypants Know-It-All Fish Guy,

let me ask you a question.

What can I do to convince these wooly whiffenpoofs here

to take the leap, jump the fence,

plunge into the gourmet wonderland

known as fine dining?

Take your time.

I know this is a tough one.

(bubble pops)

(imitates buzzer)

Your time is up, Mr. Fish,

and you are correct.

It's hopeless.

- [Elderly Piggley] Ferny and I played away

the whole rest of that Saturday.

Taking our rocket to the moon and back again.

(Ferny sputtering)

- [Ferny] Piggley, help!

- Hang on, Commander Ferny!

I'm comin' for you!

- Cap'n! Hurry up, Cap'n,

they got me in their slimy grip.

Can't...

Go...

On...

(playful dramatic music)

- Wait, Piggley!

- [Elder Piggley] We even sent my little sister,

Molly, to outer space.

(Molly squeals)

We were having such a grand time, until...

- Hey, Ferny, what do you wanna do tomorrow?

- Well, I usually study on Sunday,

but there's no need for that now, right?

- No, sir.

Not while we've got Mr. Smart Fish around.

(stomach rumbling)

- Janey Mac, I'm really hungry.

(gasps)

Wait, I didn't have breakfast this morning!

- Huh. So?

- The Salmon of Knowledge was wrong.

The Salmon of Knowledge was wrong!

(echoing)

- Oh, don't worry about that, Ferny.

What about tomorrow?

Wanna play rocket again?

- Tomorrow? Well, I think...

I'm going to stay home tomorrow.

And study for the big test.

- But Ferny, there's no need.

The salmon's going to give us

all the right answers on Monday.

- You know, Piggley, I think I'd rather

get all the right answers by myself.

- What? Ferny, what about our trip to the moon?

There's still a whole heap

of moon monsters to deal with.

- [Piglets' Mother] Piggley! Molly! Supper now!

- Come on, Piggley! Mammy's callin'.

- Well, I'd better be getting home now, too, Piggley.

I'll see you Monday morning.

- But Ferny, what am I supposed to do tomorrow?

- Well, you could always try studyin'.

- [Elderly Pigley] I did find something to do on Sunday,

although it wasn't much fun without me pals.

And it certainly wasn't studyin', that's for sure.

After all, me fish's head was swelling with brains,

and come Monday morning, we were both ready for anything

that Mr. Hornsby could dish out.

(cart squeaking)

- What've you got there?

- It's a fish.

- Well, hurry up, then.

I'm about to pass out today's test.

Take your time and work carefully.

You'll have no trouble as long as you've studied.

- Or as long as you've got a fish

with a brain as big as Mammy's icebox. (snickers)

- Good luck, everyone!

(swirling harp music)

- Okay, salmon, it's up to you!

(gulps)

(pencil tapping)

- Ah, thank ya, Ferny.

I'm sure you did very well.

You may sit down.

Thank ya, Dannan.

Time's up, Piggley.

Tsk tsk tsk, Piggley, me boy.

Oh deary, deary me.

- Did you flunk the test, Grandpa?

- Did you get an F?

- Oh yes, I flunked the test big time,

as you would say yourself.

- Whoa.

- How did Ferny do?

- And Dannan?

- They did quite well, yeah.

And they never let me forget it.

- What did you get on the test, Ferny?

- I got an A, what did you get, Dannan?

- I got an A!

What did you get, Piggley?

(Piggley sighs)

(twins laughing)

- Excuse me, boys.

Do you really think that bedroom of yours is clean?

- Nope.

- We were just trying to get out of working too hard.

- What?

- We'll clean it again.

- The right way this time.

- Who're they?

- Those are your boys!

And a fine, hard-working pair they are, too.

(chuckles)

(fun, folky music)