Don't do that!
What the f*ck?
- It's good.
What are you working on?
- Bridge for catapult tactics.
Oh, nice. Didn't you already
do a bridge for that one?
Yeah, but then I made
a second bridge,
and then I realized
I needed a third bridge to...
- Bridge the bridges.
- Bridges. Yes. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Can you play me a little bit?
Okay. Yeah.
Nice. Nice.
- You like it?
- Yeah, I think it's cool.
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
Maybe just, um-- maybe just
turn it down a little bit
since, you know,
we got neighbors.
- Ah, yes. Yeah.
Don't want to, uh, ruin
their good time
with my amazing
groove session, right?
But you know who you
should share it with is Scott.
You know?
Yeah, I don't know.
It's just Scott doesn't like
that kind of music.
And I'm just an engineer there.
I'm basically a glorified
knob twirler, if anything.
Oh.
Well, Mr. Knob Twirler,
maybe you could twirl my knobs.
Oh, I thought you said
your knobs
were too sensitive to twirl.
I was just trying to find
an elegant way
to get into a groove with you.
- Oh.
What time is it?
- Mm, 8:30.
It's 8:30? I'm gonna be late
for work.
Why didn't you tell me
it was 8:30?
- God, you're a grownup.
- Where's my keys
and my wallet and my phone?
- On the table,
on the desk, and in your pocket.
- Okay, great.
- Here's your go-go juice.
- Thank you so much.
Oh, and, uh, don't forget
the printer paper.
Printer paper. Yes, I got it.
Yeah. I love you. Mwah.
S-Sorry.
Oh, sorry.
Sorry. Morning.
- William!
Can I borrow you for a second?
Hoo-ooh-ooh!
I told him, "If you make love
as good as you dance,
then, hey, baby, you can
light my fire anytime."
Ha ha ha.
Super funny, Eleanor.
Now, remember, when it goes out,
you wanna make sure
these wires are attached,
and you can flip this up.
And it should...
Great. Got it.
You really gotta get
a professional in here, okay?
Oh, come on. Why should I hire
an electrician when I have you?
Because you're the building
manager. It's your job.
And I don't think anything I'm
doing in there is legal or safe.
Listen, I got
something for your album.
I really appreciate it,
Eleanor, but, uh,
I don't think you're
the intended audience
for my kind of music, okay?
- Oh, William, one more thing.
- Hmm?
Eleanor, it's not broken.
You just need
to charge it, okay?
I don't know how to work
these new vibrators.
It's a toothbrush.
Oh, hey.
Hey, what's up brother?
Hey, Alec, what's going on?
You moving out?
Yeah. Finally sold
that screenplay.
- Oh, the sci-fi one.
- The erotic sci-fi thriller.
- Yeah. Hmm.
- Yeah. Finally out of
this shitty cursed apartment.
No more leaky pipes,
power outages,
weird pets running around.
- Yeah.
Hey, how's that band going?
Uh, it's mainly me these days.
Uh, actually,
can I ask you something?
- Yeah.
- How'd you do it?
- Do what?
- How'd you finish the script?
It's all about mindset,
all right? No distractions.
- No distractions.
- Plus, I didn't really
have to work a job.
- Why's that?
- A trust fund.
- Ah.
- Yeah. But mainly hard work.
- Yeah.
- And some help
from my dad's buddy
who wrote a couple
of "Jurassic Parks."
- Cool.
- That's why a major studio's
finally making
my erotic sci-fi thriller.
Oh! Oh!
Eleanor!
Pig guy's pig
is out again!
Oh, William,
don't be so uptight.
Darren! Come on, Darren.
Come on, Darren.
Come on, Darren!
Who's a little
wiggy-diggy?
Come on, now.
Come on, now! Get in here.
- Nice knowing you, man.
- Thanks, Alec.
Hoo! Hoo!
Damn,
that is one hot lick.
Hi. I'm Swig Anderson,
bass player for Dawn Dimension.
Welcome to part seven
of my ongoing video series,
Rockin' in the Fifth Dimension.
Now, as I've said before,
prog rock
is all about complexity.
Most people don't get it,
and that's good.
- Yeah.
- If people get your music,
you've failed.
If everyone likes your music,
brother, you sold the f*ck out.
Give your bass back
to your mommy.
Maybe she can sell it
and buy you a suit and tie,
'cause that's going to be
what you're wearing
at your shitty job now.
- Yeah.
- All right, let's get started
with some arpeggiated
finger tap.
Remember, you got to
say it before you play it.
- Sorry. Sorry.
- Hey.
- Whoa! Hey!
Croissant guy,
where's my croissant?
Auggie, I'm sorry,
I don't have one right now.
I will get--
I'll get one later, okay?
I'm just-- I'm late right now.
- Ah!
I'll pick you up
on Sunset Boulevard
- Hey, Russell.
I'll watch it
till the sun comes up
Just a couple of kids
having fun
It's a show
- Ow! Ow.
- Sorry, Scott. Sorry I'm late.
It's just that my landlord
needed some help,
and my neighbor's pig got out.
- We're trying to make
rock and roll here.
- I know, I'm sorry.
Rock and roll is about
being on time.
Do you think it was easy
to get a known artist
like Caleb Bang Jansen
to record here?
It was not easy. In fact,
he wanted to bring his
own engineer.
And I'm like, "No, I've got
the best guy in the city...
for the rate."
- Right.
- Just don't f*ck this for me.
- Yeah.
- For us.
- Right. Great. Yeah.
I-I'm sorry.
- The studio.
Just don't f*ck this
for all of us.
- I-I'm s--
I won't be late anymore.
- Don't f*ck it up.
- Yeah.
- Don't stop rock and roll, man.
Whoa, womenkind
Wow. That was
the best one yet, man.
I think it sounds like sh*t.
Scott!
Is your f*cking engineer
here yet?
Uh, yeah. My name's William.
Nice to meet you, Mr. Jansen.
I, uh...
- No. It's Caleb Bang Jansen.
You have to say the whole name.
Yeah. Sorry. I'm
sorry, Mr. Caleb Bang Jansen.
I'm sorry.
- I'm sorry.
You sound like a f*cking baby,
man. Grow up.
Oh, sh*t!
Hey, what's wrong,
Caleb Bang Jansen?
Any of you guys
got any coke or ketamine?
Oh. Never mind.
I found something.
- There he goes.
- I'm gonna hit the slopes, man.
- Doing dr*gs is not
what rock and roll is all about.
Um, you know what?
We got a minute.
Would you mind, uh, if I got
your opinion on something?
Yeah. For sure. Yeah.
Did you compose all of this?
Yeah, yeah, uh, I've been
working on it for a while now
at home, yeah.
- Wow.
That is--
It's really like, um--
The f*ck is this?
Um, it's, uh, it's something
I've been working on at home.
It's, uh, it's called "Epitaph
for the Fallen Circus."
It's kind of like
a progressive form of prog.
I've been calling it,
uh, a prog squared.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, it sounds
like Emerson
getting butt f*cked
by Lincoln Palmer.
Am I right, Scott?
- Yeah.
'Cause I was literally just
about to say how much it sucks.
And don't play it here again,
or you're fired.
Well, grog's
not for everybody, okay?
You know, it's-- it's kind of
an auditory labyrinth.
I actually like that
it takes a long time
to get into it.
Some of my favorite albums--
- Let me ask you a question,
my guy.
Why do you think I am in there
and you are in here?
'Cause you got a song
on this soundtrack for the O.C.
It's because I know what people
want from their music.
Still, f*ck! The f*ck?!
The f*ck?!
Get the f*ck off me.
My music makes people
make babies.
The only way I'd listen
to your shitty music...
Is if you tied me up
at gunpoint
And you forced me to
Right on. Uh, you ready to
do another take, Mr. Bang--
Caleb-- Caleb--
Caleb Bang Jansen?
Caleb Bang Ja-a-a-nsen!
Oh, sh*t!
That was speed!
Oh, we're going to be here
all day, boys!
Toot-toot!
Hey, man,
where's that croissant?
Oh. Uh, I'm sorry.
We didn't really have
any today, so...
Come on!
You're the croissant guy!
You're always
handing out croissants.
Give it up, croissant guy.
- Auggie,
I gave you a croissant once,
like, a month ago.
But time is an illusion, m*therf*cker.
- Yeah, I f*cking wish it was.
- You're headed into chaos.
Don't listen to the voices
in your head.
Blood will be spilled.
Heads will roll.
- What?
Soon you will be visited
by three ghosts.
Oh, f*ck off, Auggie.
I'll see you tomorrow.
You there, boy!
Go find me the fattest goose
you can get.
And then f*ck it!
What's going on?
I think we have a new neighbor.
Jesus Christ.
I mean, how long is he gonna
be moving around furniture?
Oh, did you remember
to get the printer paper?
Oh.
sh*t. I'm sorry.
- Oh, it's okay.
- No, I'll get it--
I can get it tomorrow.
Or just, uh...
- It's okay. Don't worry.
I still got a little bit.
So...
- Yeah. Okay. Sorry. Thank you.
Is everything okay?
No. I don't know.
I just--
I played a song for Scott today.
And it seemed like he liked it.
And then Caleb Bang Jansen came
in and just started sh1tting
all over it and just, like...
- Aw. You know what?
f*ck him.
Do you remember what your father
used to say?
Said,
"Everyone won't get it, but..."
Not everyone will get it,
but the right ones will.
Right ones will. Hmm?
Yeah.
Do you want to go to sleep?
No. I'm gonna just see if this
guy stops making so much racket
and then see if I can
get some work done.
- Sure. Okay.
- Yeah.
- I mean, try to be in soon.
I got an early morning.
Yeah, I know, it just--
Is this sound--
Is this not bugging you?
It's just so loud.
Do you get some earplugs
just in case?
No, I can't. You know,
I got the small ear canals.
Just...
Go to sleep.
f*cking A! I mean,
what is up with this guy?
Look, if it's bothering you
that much, Will,
just-- just go over there.
- I can't just go over there.
- Why not?
Because I don't want
a confrontation.
Maybe we should call the cops.
- Oh, my God, I will
go over there.
No, no, no, no. Don't, don't,
don't, don't, don't.
I'll just-- I'll just, uh--
I'll just pound on the wall.
- With your fist?
- Yeah.
That's a little archaic,
don't you think?
You're not a caveman.
- I--
Yeah, but what else-- I just--
You know, it's late.
I don't want to go over there
if he's just--
I'm sorry.
Good night.
If it's not bugging you,
you can go sleep.
Put some earplugs into
my normal-sized ear holes.
- Uh-huh.
- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Oh, William! What a delight.
Hey, we were just about
to watch a movie.
Eleanor, whoever you rented
Alec's apartment out to
is making a ton of noise.
So if you could please
just tell him to keep it down.
Why don't you just tell him
yourself? He's your neighbor.
No, but you're
the building manager.
It's your job.
- Eleanor! Come back!
Sophie's about
to make her choice.
I don't want to get
in the middle of anything.
So if you don't mind, I got
to get back to movie night.
No, but it's your job to settle
quarrels between tenants.
No, no, no. f*ck!
What the f*ck?
Emily! Emily! Emily, wake up!
Wake up! I f*cked up!
- Oh. What happened?
- I pounded on the wall.
- Wait, you did what?
- I know, but he came up
to our door,
and he hocked a loogie.
You got to see this guy.
- Wait, wait, wait, wait.
- He's a f*cking monster.
He just looks so messed up.
- What?
I think we're living next
to some kind of maniac.
Okay, okay, okay.
Well, the music just stopped.
It sounds like he got it
out of his system, okay?
We can just deal with it
in the morning.
I'm calling the cops.
I still don't know
what took you guys so long.
Well, you didn't
have to wait outside.
Yeah, well, I don't
hear any noise now.
Well, yeah, but still,
he hocked a loogie on my door.
That's, like, as*ault, right?
- A loogie?
- Yeah, on my door.
- How do you spell that?
- I don't know.
Emily!
Emily!
- Emily?
- William,
Emily was just about to tell me
about your trip to Big Bear.
Oh, it's a long story.
We don't have time.
We'd be here all night.
- Yes. Laughing, I'm sure.
Oh! Hello, officers.
Can I interest you
in some chamomile tea?
- Yeah, sure.
- It's cool. Please, come in.
Please.
- No, no, no, no, no,
this is the guy,
this-- this-- this thing.
- William.
- He kept me up all night.
He kept us up all night.
Mr.?
- Vlad.
Just Vlad.
Mr. Vlad, is there a reason
why you're making so much noise?
- Why did you let him in?
- Well, I just moved in.
And when you pounded
on the wall, I just--
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
You pounded on his wall?
- Yeah, b--
- With your fist?
- Yeah.
You seem to have left
that little detail out.
Sure, but--
He spit on the door.
- The hocked loogie?
- Yes. The hocked loogie.
- You know, William,
Vlad is sorry.
I brewed up a kettle of tea
to say, "Forgive me
for what I have done
or might do."
Wait, what do you mean,
might do?
Oh! Oh!
Oh, Emily, you didn't tell me
that William is so funny!
To-go cups okay, officers?
- Thanks.
- Yeah.
- I think we're done here.
No, I don't think
we're done here.
I said I heard screaming
coming from his apartment.
Aren't you going to
check his apartment?
Yeah, it's probably my TV,
but-- but you can have a look, officers.
I take you over.
Please.
No, I don't think we need to.
Uh, good night, Mr. Vlad.
Night, ma'am.
Good night, officers.
Thank you so much
for understanding, Emily.
Oh, you sweet thing.
You fucker!
Yes. Good night
- Good night.
It's too bad you called
the cops like a little bitch.
If you had come to my apartment
like a man
and told me face-to-face
to turn it down, who knows,
maybe we would have had
a good old-fashioned rumble.
You bloody...
Let me ask you a question,
my guy.
Why do you think
I am in there
and you are in here?
You failed.
Why don't you just tell him
yourself?
He's your neighbor.
You failed.
Time is an illusion, m*therf*cker.
No distractions.
Did you remember printer paper?
No distractions.
Time is an illusion, m*therf*cker.
It's because I know what people
want from their music.
No distractions.
f*ck!
- Darren?
- Did you remember printer paper?
f*ck!
Darren?
f*ck!
f*ck!
The hocked loogie?
f*ck!
The hocked loogie?
f*ck!
- The hocked loogie?
- f*ck!
- The f*ck!
The f*ck! The f*ck!
The f*ck! The f*ck!
The f*ck! The f*ck!
The f*ck!
f*ck! f*ck! f*ck! f*ck!
f*ck! f*ck! f*ck! f*ck!
f*ck! f*ck! f*ck! f*ck!
No distractions.
Distractions.
This-- The f*ck is--
Hey. I drew a d*ck
on your head
because you're a dickhead.
Also, you're f*cking fired.
What?
No. You can't fire me.
I work for the studio.
Get the f*ck out, William!
What?
Get the f*ck out, William!
You heard the guy.
Come on, dickhead.
f*cking whatever.
- Croissant guy!
- f*ck.
- You got--
- I don't have
any f*cking croissants, Auggie.
- Why not?
- 'Cause it's not my job
to feed you, alright?
Oh, it's begun.
Oh, f*ck off!
Innocence has been torn off
the meek!
Who shall beget
the calamities of castle!
- f*ck off!
Damn. That is one hot lick.
Listen up. There's gonna be
a lot of obstacles
that pop up in your life--
record executives,
ex-wives, sisters.
These people are just roadblocks
on your journey to success.
You got to stand
on your own two feet
and say
my music is more important
than your record sales
or your alimony
or your paying
for our dumb dad's funeral.
You got to cut these people
out of your life
and tell them
to f*ck off forever!
f*ck off forever.
f*ck off forever!
f*ck off forever.
Get out of my kitchen,
'cause I'm cooking!
Alright. Let's get back
into the subtle art
of the pick slide.
- You're home early.
- Yeah.
Um, they, uh--
They let me go--
Early. They-- They let me--
They let me go early today.
Oh.
Did you remember
to grab the printer paper?
sh*t. I'm sorry, Emily.
I forgot.
- Ah.
- No, I'm sorry. You--
You just--
You know I'm not good
at keeping track
of that kind of sh*t.
You mean you're not good
at keeping track of my sh*t.
- No.
Just-- I've just been--
I haven't been sleeping well,
and Vlad's music
is f*cking nonstop.
I can't believe
it's not bugging you.
It's just driving me crazy.
Okay, listen to me.
Listen to me.
If it's so difficult
with Vlad's music,
I will just go over there,
and I will speak to him.
No, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no!
I don't want you over there.
I don't want him over here.
Listen. I am sorry.
I will be more present, and I
will remember the printer paper.
Just--
Just once I finish this album,
then I will be able
to get that stuff--
You have been trying to finish
this album for three years,
and-- and-- and you haven't
gotten anywhere close.
You know, you-- you act like
this hobby is more important
than everything else
in your life.
My hobby?
What do you think
all this stuff is?
Music is like my life.
If you don't like my music,
then what do you like about me?
What do I like about you?
Right now I don't know.
Look, I-I'm gonna go grab
the printer paper.
I'll-- I'll see you later.
sh*t.
...this!
What are you doing
in my tableau?
- Um--
- Super invasive, bro.
You can't just walk into
somebody's home uninvited.
I'm sorry, but you said
man-to-man the other night.
No, no, Vlad. I'm sorry.
I-I'll leave. I'm-- I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to--
Vlad, Vlad, please.
I'm sorry!
- Chicken?
Oh, it's so good.
You want a bite?
- No. I'm fine.
- You sure?
Yeah, yeah. I'm good.
- Very tasty.
- Yeah.
Have a seat.
Pretty ballsy,
just walking in here,
considering you don't know
anything about me, eh?
You got to be careful with all
the crazies around here, hmm?
Uh, just, uh, it'd be really...
great if you just--
- Back in Kyova,
it was the neighbors that didn't
talk to the other neighbors
that you had to watch out for.
But I'm glad you came, Willy.
We got off on the wrong foot.
I think we can be friends.
Can I call you Willy?
Yes. No, I don't--
I don't care. I just--
It just would be great
if you just kept it down.
- Kept what down?
- The music.
It's just the noise--
You know,
the walls are super-thin,
and I'm-- I'm trying super hard
to get something done.
What?! Wait.
You mean...
- Yeah. Yes.
- That-- you?
No. It's just
I'm trying to finish my album.
Whoa! Wait, wait, wait.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
Wait. Are you talking about--
- Yes.
Please, Vlad.
Oh!
Turn it down, please, Vlad.
I can't hear you!
What did you want me to do?!
I want you to turn it down!
But the music is so good!
You know that kind of music!
I got that f*ck-all-night music!
- Turn it down!
Ah! Willy!
- I'm sorry.
- The big man finally arrives,
here to tell me to my face
to turn it down.
- I-I'm sorry.
- You want to come at me, bro?
- I don't want to.
My baby cousin Miha
was just like you.
Never fought back.
Always asked me
to fight for him.
I said, "Miha, I teach you."
But no. He refused.
Now the little fucker is dead.
Everybody in my home country
is dead.
So much debt.
So much blood.
But now I teach you, eh?
Come on, come on! Come at me.
- No.
- Take a sh*t.
- No, no, no.
Vlad,
I don't want a confrontation.
Life is confrontation, Willy.
Oh, you're so strong.
Now my turn.
- Oh!
- Yeah. Way to take it, bro.
Please stop.
Now, use your big-man,
brute strength
and slam me against the wall.
What?
Harder!
Oh!
No, Willy. Like this.
No, no.
Oh! My family, man?
That takes some balls, man.
No. That was--
Harder, Willy!
Oh!
Harder!
No!
Hard!
You made my... come back.
God, I missed this sh*t!
Oh!
Oh, we should have done this
the first time!
We're could have been friends!
Oh!
We're not gonna be friends,
you f*cking...
Oh, look at that!
What are you getting--
a frying pan?
What are you gonna do? Oh!
- Stay back. Stay-- Stay back.
- Hell yeah!
- Oh!
- f*ck.
Let me show you
how that's done, Willy.
Stop! No, no.
No, no, no, no, no, no!
Stop, stop!
- Calm down!
Let me show you how you break
a bottle on a man's head.
You go like this--
Oh, oh!
- What the f*ck?!
- Willy, yes!
Oh, Willy! Oh, I promise
to keep the music down!
I'm so sorry!
Please, don't hurt me!
- Stop, stop.
- I'll turn the music down!
f*ck! What the f*ck?! f*ck!
Oh! Sh...
Uh...
Oh...
Vlad, are you okay?
I'm fine.
- No. f*ck.
Good job, Willy.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
You slipped. You slipped, Vlad.
Here. Let me-- Let me help.
Let me help you.
- Okay. Just a little blood.
I'm gonna put it back here,
like this.
No. No, it's not going.
It's not going--
It's not going back!
Oh, it will go back in,
the little--
Let go, let go.
Man, it's fine, man.
I'm fine.
I'm gonna get it off of me.
I'll be fine.
I'll just walk it off.
Let me just...
- Vlad, stop!
Oh, sh*t.
f*ck.
Damn. That is one hot lick.
Okay.
So you f*cked up
and k*lled somebody.
- What?
- Relax.
Your band goes on tour,
it's gonna happen.
On the Cataclysm tour,
we k*lled like nine people.
Just need to know
how to get rid of a body.
Let's get into it.
The first thing is you need
a place to stash the body.
Amp cases are great,
but temporary.
- Oh, geez!
You got yourself
a nice bathtub,
then, baby, you're golden.
Guys, I've seen so many roadies
pull out their backs,
so just remember,
lift with your knees.
Now, the best way to dissolve
a corpse is sodium hydroxide.
And, brother,
you're gonna need a lot of it.
This inexpensive substance
breaks up the remains
at the molecular level,
leaving behind a brown sludge
which easily washes down
the drain.
You're probably wondering
how long this will take.
Unfortunately,
the answer is three weeks.
- What?!
- So your next best option
is an electrical
reciprocating saw.
- Now, I suggest purchasing
a variety pack of blades.
I've found that wood blades
cut through flesh, bone, and
clothing like denim just fine.
Also,
remember to get an adapter.
Gah! Come on!
The weight of the situation
might just be dawning on you
now,
and your initial squirt
of adrenaline
is probably wearing off,
but just put one foot after
the other and get to a store
before the smell of rotting
flesh tips off your neighbors.
Now you got all your stuff,
you can get to work.
And remember, have fun.
Okay. Huh.
Hmm.
Uh...
Uhhh...
Okay.
1...2...
3!
The f*ck?
Oh.
Alright.
God! Come on!
sh*t! Gah!
How much blood can be in a body?
Oh!
No, no.
No, no. Um...
Hey, baby. What's up?
Hey. I'm, um-- I'm back home.
Did-- Did you take off?
- Yeah, no. I went on a hike.
- Okay.
Um, I'm going to go to Alison's
and just work on
the depositions.
Yeah. No, no, no.
That's a--
That's a great idea.
You love Alison. That's great.
You haven't seen in a long time.
Okay, yeah.
I just thought maybe
take some time
to cool off and--
Yeah. No, no, no.
That-- Yeah.
That makes-- Yeah.
And I'll do my thing.
You'll-- You'll do your thing.
Listen, listen.
I got-- I got to go.
I got-- I got to go.
Okay, bye-bye.
Hello, Willy.
No! What?
No. No, no, no, no.
You f*cked me up good, bro.
No. You're dead, you're dead.
You're pieces in a tub.
You can't k*ll me, Willy.
I am now living in your head
rent-free.
Shut up. Shut up!
- I'm alive!
- No, you're not!
I'm alive!
Shut the f*ck up,
you f*cking assh*le!
Oh!
f*ck.
Oh, God. Oh!
He's dead, he's dead,
he's dead, he's dead.
- f*ck, f*ck!
f*ck you! f*ck you!
Oh, William!
Can you just do that jiggle
thing with the fuse box?
I can't seem to get it to work.
I'm a little busy right now,
Eleanor.
Oh, and, also, I was going
through my storage space,
and I realized that I have the
perfect thing for your album.
I don't need your help
on the album, okay?
I don't need anybody's help!
I'm sorry, I just--
I can't do your chores for you
all the time.
You're the building manager, alright?
I just thought that you liked
giving me a hand
around the building.
Sorry, Eleanor. I...
I'm all out of hands to give.
Damn! That is one hot lick.
Now let's try and find
a blast furnace.
Molten metal will incinerate
a m*rder*d body in seconds.
And then, baby,
you're back on tour.
Yes. May I help you?
Hey, yeah. Is this the place,
uh, where they melt down
all of the, uh-- the metal?
Not all of the metal,
but the metal we get,
we do melt it down, yes.
You think I could see it?
Do you work here?
Uh, no, no, no.
Do you know anyone
that works here?
I do, actually.
Yeah, I'm here to--
uh, um,
I'm here to surprise them.
Mm. What's their name?
That's also-- That's also
part of the surprise, so--
I'm not going to ruin
the surprise for you.
Well, I don't want to ruin it
for you.
- What's their name?
Is it Marty Henderson?
Yes, yes.
It's Marty Henderson.
Yeah, sorry. Oh--
Nobody named Marty Henderson
works here.
Well, then, I-I don't--
This isn't going to work,
Willy.
Shut up!
You didn't hear that, did you?
You yelling shut up at nobody?
Yeah, I heard.
It was very loud.
Uh, okay, listen. Um...
Take it.
Do you know it's a felony to
try and bribe a federal officer?
You're not. You're--
You're private security.
- What if I was? Mm-hmm.
- But you're not.
So it doesn't matter.
It's a moot point.
Take it. Let me in.
How much is that?
It's-- I don't know.
It's like 14 bucks.
14 bucks?
This is the original demo
of the original lineup
of "The Last Gasp
of the Lonely Whaler."
- Oh!
- It is-- This is worth
like 400 bucks.
400 bucks?
Yeah. Come on.
Hmm.
Who do I sell it to?
Anyone who likes music.
How do I find those people?
Like a record store.
I'm not just gonna go
to a record store
and be like, "Hey, would you buy
this from me for 400 bucks?
Some weird guy who tried
to come into my smelting plant
gave it to me.
Sell-- Sell it on eBay.
I don't do eBay.
I don't know how to do eBay.
It's super easy. Just, uh--
You just need to make
a seller profile, and then--
I'm not gonna make a profile.
Are you kidding?
How about this?
Why don't you go sell this
for 400 bucks,
come back and give me $414,
and then I'll let you in?
$414?
Where did the $14 come from?
The 14 singles you have,
you stripper.
- f*ck off, dude.
- f*ck you!
- f*ck you.
- f*ck you!
- f*ck you! f*ck you!
- f*ck you!
Oh, hey.
Are you letting me in?
You think
the dueling f*ck you's
convinced me to let you in?
No. I'm calling the police.
9...
- No, no! No, don't!
I'm-- I'm leaving, I'm leaving.
- 1...
- No! Don't touch the other one!
- 1...
- I'm leaving, I'm leaving!
sh*t! Now...
Hey! What the f*ck, man!
Come back here!
No! Go, go, go! Leave!
Go! Back, back!
- You have to take that!
No! It's mine!
I'm gonna sell it on eBay!
You know what?
f*ck it, rent-a-cop!
f*cking van driver.
- f*ck.
Hey, William.
Again, sorry about
the whole "f*ring you" thing.
It wasn't my decision.
My hands were tied.
Oh, hey, is that
that prog dork?
Tell him to bring
those platinum cables.
Yeah. Uh, if you could bring
those cables,
they're worth a lot of money.
And also to get back here
so we can fire him again.
Okay. Sorry.
He's been partying all day,
which is not what rock and roll
is about.
Fuuuuu--
Yippee!
Oh! Croissant guy!
Who is that?
I'm dead. This bitch k*lled me.
Am I hallucinating?
It's nobody.
Auggie, you're just seeing
things, alright, buddy?
I'm pretty sure I'd know
if I was seeing things.
I see stuff all the time.
- Yeah.
What's that?
Ooh, you got my leg! Oho!
Oh, no, no, not my leg!
Come on!
You k*lled somebody,
didn't you?!
Oh, he m*rder*d
the sh*t out of me.
- He slipped, okay?
- No, I didn't slip.
Hey, Auggie,
how about a croissant?
There's a bakery right--
f*ck you, croissant guy!
Come on!
- I want dr*gs.
- dr*gs?
Let's go get you some dr*gs.
Get in the van.
Let's get you some dr*gs.
Come on, baby!
Let's go get you dr*gs!
- Oh, no way, man.
I've seen my friends fall
for that one before.
Auggie, get in the f*cking van!
Get away from me
before I bean you with this!
You're gonna
throw a bottle at me?
- Hyah!
- Ow!
- Who's gonna believe you anyway,
you unhoused piece of sh*t?!
I'm out of here.
No. No, no.
Auggie, no, no, no, no, no.
Hey, man, hey, hey.
Hey, you're okay.
You're okay. You're okay.
You're okay.
Damn. That was one hot lick.
What the f*ck did you just say?
No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
No.
No, no, no, no.
You're Swig Anderson
from Dawn Dimension.
I can't-- No, don't die!
I can't-- I can't k*ll my hero.
f*ck off... forever.
No, no, no, don't die.
Don't die.
I got to know how you got the--
the flange effect
on Track 4
from America for Sale, okay?
What gauge strings did you use?
Yo, yo, bros, you are
listening to KVLD Cleveland--
C-C-C-Cleveland--
Music to get m*rder*d by.
On line 1, we got Auggie.
Oh, go ahead, Auggie.
- Hey, Vlad.
Long time liver,
first time dier.
I just wanted to say--
that William Brown
is a talentless hack.
Oh, you're g*dd*mn right,
Auggie!
- Shut up! Lies!
- Oh, freakin'--
And he's also a serial k*ller.
Not a serial k*ller!
Just-- serial manslaughter
at best.
Now, denim
will treat you good, Auggie.
Oh, when I want to f*ck
all night...
- Shut up! Shut up!
- ...I like to listen to KVLD...
- ...prog radio!
- Ah, here we go.
- Ah-oh
Say goodbye, assholes.
Ha ha!
Ohh!
Don't leave me out here,
croissant guy.
Yeah, I'm sorry, Auggie.
If it means anything to you,
you're a personal hero of mine.
It doesn't.
Ow, oh!
Ow, ohh, ow, oh, ohh, ohh!
Oh, ow, ow!
Ah, you can't get rid of us,
Willy.
That's where you're wrong,
Vlad.
See, they find bodies
in these woods all the time.
- Oh!
- Probably think you just
got k*lled
by an actual serial k*ller.
Oh, no, Willy.
Don't do this.
These are the coyotes out here.
- I know.
- They're your new neighbors.
No!
Ooh, that is heaven
Ooh, la la la
Tell your daddy, "Go home"
Go home
Ooh, la la la la
I'm dancing like
I'm on the moon
I'm singing
- sh*t!
Ooh, la la la
And you know
that I want you
Ooh, la la la
Eleanor.
...sh*t myself...
f*cking...
...demon.
God damn it.
Aaah!
So what's, like, the prognos--
What-- What ha--
What happened?
As far as I can figure,
this lady shoved a screwdriver
into this jury-rigged
rat's nest.
This was an accident
waiting to happen.
Hey, look at that--
she's wearing
a Dawn Dimension shirt.
Wait, what?
I guess the old lady
was really into prog.
Aaa--
Huh?
Hey, Emily.
Are you leaving?
- No.
- Thank God.
- Oh, no.
I-I'm packing up my stuff,
and then I'm leaving.
Wait, wait.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
You're just gonna leave
just because
I've been out of it
the past couple days?
It hasn't just been
the past couple of days, Will.
I-I think we need a break.
No, no, no,
we don't need a break.
What are you talking--
I just--
It's just the noise
from Vlad's apartment.
It was just f*cking
driving me crazy, okay?
- Yeah, but it's quiet now.
- Yeah.
Yeah, no sh*t.
- You'll find something else.
- What's that supposed to mean?
First, you had to find
the perfect speaker system.
Then you had to buy the cords
from Japan.
Then you were annoyed because
Alec was making too much noise
while he was having sex.
- Yeah. It's gross.
- It's the same thing.
You're constantly
surrounded by problems,
but the only constant is you.
- Do you hear that?
- You're not even listening.
No. Yeah. What?
No. Yeah, no, I am, no.
What-- Do you--
You don't hear that?
- Yeah!
- You ready, dude?
- Go for it, my brother.
- Chug!
- Chug! Chug! Chug!
- Chug!
William.
Hello, Will.
You didn't expect me to stay
in that ravine, did you?
I-I couldn't check my TikToks.
You-- You are ruining my life.
Ruining your life?
assh*le, you decapitated me.
- He's got you there, man.
- No, no.
You slipped. You slipped.
You pulled the chain.
You knocked off
your own f*cking head.
Oh, see. Ooh,
that's an interesting...
- And you--
You are the one
who got behind my van.
- Oh, that was you--
- You got behind my van.
Oh, Auggie, you, too...
- Why is this happening to me?
- Why?
Because f*ck you-- that's why.
I ain't about to let
death stop me from partying.
Torso, turn this sh*t up.
It's so cool.
- Turn it down!
Turn it down, Vlad,
or I swear to God...
What-- you're gonna m*rder me
twice, assh*le?!
- You slipped!
- Oh, no, baby.
I did not slip.
- You f*cking slipped!
Oh!
Aah! Stop it! Stop it!
- Come on, stop it!
- Quit crying, p*ssy.
Get up and fight me.
- I don't want to fight anymore.
- Ohh.
No. Here, William.
Drink this.
- Ooh!
sh*t, man!
I didn't know
you liked to party.
Auggie, pour him another one.
Yes.
Take it, man.
- Oh, f*ck it, man.
- f*ck it, man.
...when you're around
...when you're around
- Yeah.
If Ozzy Osbourne can bite
the head off of a bat,
why can't I sling a dead possum
into my drummer's face?
Well, that's when
I got kicked out of the band.
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, great...
August Swig Anderson.
How did
I never even notice that?
- It's the beard.
The beard.
You know,
your "how to rock" videos--
I mean, I've, like,
just fashioned my entire life
off those things.
How's that going for you?
- Okay, okay.
No so good, Willy!
Point taken. Yeah.
Yeah, actually, you know,
Dawn Dimension's just-- just
a huge influence on my work.
Ohh.
The classic rock sh*t sucks,
Willy.
You can't f*ck all night
to that sh*t.
It's not exactly classic rock, though.
It's prog, you know?
It's a series
of musical metamorphoses,
an auditory labyrinth, you know?
Yeah, whatever.
You can't f*ck to it.
Why do you want
to make that sh*t
when you can make EDM?
Prog is...
Prog is like life, man.
It's complex.
It's overwhelming
and confusing...
always changing.
Prog artists
take every idea they have
and put it into
every single song, you know?
You'll find one verse that has
flute, didgeridoo,
and a washboard and a synth.
It's just wild.
They promise
to deliver everything,
and they actually try and do it.
There's crazy hope in that--
to try and set out
to do the impossible
and actually do it sometimes.
And not everyone will get it.
But the right ones will.
Oh.
Wow.
Where were you 30 years ago?
You could have talked some sense
into Phil Collins.
- Ah.
- Well, sh*t, man.
I guess I better hear
just f*ck-free music
I d*ed for, eh?
- Really?
Yeah. Let's hear it.
I want to hear it.
- Oh, wow.
- Yeah.
- Swig?
- Come on, Auggie.
Okay. Alright,
let's go to my apartment.
Okay.
Oh, f*ck. I can't get up.
I got no arms.
- I got you.
Okay. Thank you.
- Okay.
- That's good, Willy.
- Alright.
Just remember, guys,
it's not mixed yet,
so it's not mixed,
it's not mixed.
Okay, so...
- Okay.
- Play the music, Willy.
Ooh.
Okay, here--
Okay, here it comes.
Like that.
- Pow!
- Whoa!
Oh, this is good!
- You like it?
- Turn it up, Willy.
I might be able
to f*ck to this after all.
Alright. You like this?
I can't believe you like it.
- Make it stop!
- Oh, hey, guys, pig guy's here.
Pig guy,
oh, you brought the pig!
- Bring the piggy into party.
- You make it stop!
- What?
All day and night
with this sh*t?!
- Oh, f*ck you.
- Hey, man.
- Chill out, man.
- Take it easy, pig guy.
-"Pig guy"? You call me pig guy?
- Yeah.
My name is Phillip!
My emotional support pigs
don't define me!
- Ooh.
- I'm sorry, pig-- Phillip.
I'm sorry.
- Oh. Oh, okay.
Hey! Hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey!
f*cking guitar center
in my brain!
Hey, if it's too loud, just get
some earplugs or something.
I can't.
I have tiny ear canals!
f*ck.
What a drama queen.
No.
Hey, come on, man!
Oh, let's see
what we have here.
- Don't touch the record!
- What is this?
Pure sh*t.
- Hey! Stop it!
- Aah!
- What is this?
You cock!
- No, it's-- f*cking nuts!
- What is this? sh*t.
- Stop it, please! Get--
- And then, Dawn Dimension?
- Do not touch that record.
- Oh.
- Oho, oh!
- Pure sh*t!
- Hey! Come on, man!
My father gave me this record!
I don't give a sh*t
about your father.
Give me this.
- Give it-- My fath--
- Give me this.
Show him, Willy.
Show him that you showed me.
- Oh! Ohhh!
- Oh, no!
- Yes.
- Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
- Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.
- Shh, shh, shh, I got this.
Take it-- I can take it out.
I'll take it out.
It'll be fine.
It'll be fine. It'll be fine.
Oh, sh*t!
Ohh, that's gotta hurt.
I can put--
I'll put it back in.
I'll put it back in.
I'll put--
- Oh, stop!
Okay, okay, okay.
Okay, okay, okay.
You can-- You can--
Oh, f*ck. Oh, f*ck.
Oh, sh*t.
f*cking...
- I'm gonna feed you to my pig!
Don't--
Don't make me use my...
...this drumstick!
Gonna take more
than a drumstick, you cock!
- Aaah!
- f*ck! Aah!
- God!
- Aaah!
- Come on!
- Ohh!
Ohh, that hurts!
Get off me!
Ohh.
Come on, dude.
Put him out of his misery,
Willy.
Ah, yes. Yes!
I'm so sorry.
I-- Phillip, I'm so sorry.
Will, what is the--
- Emily.
- What the f*ck?
I thought-- I thought
you were staying at Alison's.
I forgot the printer paper.
Did you... k*ll Phillip?
God. You know his name.
Awk-waaard.
- Shut up!
- Oh.
Here's-- Here's the thing,
Emily. It was an accident.
- You m*rder*d him by accident?
- Yeah!
They were all by accident.
- No, no, no, no, no, no.
- Oh, my God!
Emily!
Please wait. I can explain.
Wait? W-W-What is there
to explain, Will?
You-- You--
You k*lled someone,
and now
you're going to k*ll me, too?
No, no! It's just that...
You're not gonna call the cops,
are you?
I'm probably gonna go
to the cops, yeah.
- No, no, no.
- Yeah.
No, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
See?
That's not gonna work for me.
- Okay, okay.
Maybe this is the part
where you just tell you
that this isn't who you are
and you're not like this.
- I'm not! I'm not like this.
- Okay.
A-A-And please don't hurt me.
I would never hurt you!
Oh!
Aaaa--
- Hey. It's that guy.
- That was easy.
Vlad.
Auggie?
If you guys are still around...
go get the keys
from the guard and let me out.
Mm.
Everything's--
Okay, so, Vlad,
get the keys from the guard.
Auggie, you go and, uh, make--
uh, create a diversion.
And then, pig guy-- f*ck!--
Phil--
you disable
the security cameras.
So, Vlad, you get the keys.
Auggie, you-- you--
you create a diversion...
Pig guy-- f*ck!-- Phillip--
Get the keys.
Auggie, you-- you--
you create a diversion...
Okay, okay, okay.
And then-- And then--
And-- And-- And, uh...
Okay.
Uh...
That sounds--
That's a good plan.
That's a good plan.
sh*t. f*ck. sh*t.
And the final line was--
and he goes,
"I'll show you
my phaser blaster," right?
Works every... time.
Alec?
William?
You dog!
This is my friend.
- Ah.
Oopsies.
Ohh.
What are you doing here?
Does this have anything to do
with the disappearances
at the apartment?
- Whaaaat?
- Oh, no, I just--
- Really?
- No. I didn't...
No.
No, I got drunk at a party
and punched a guy in the face.
Yeah, he's posting on Twitter,
saying I stole his movie idea.
Did you?
- Yeah. Kind of.
- Mm.
- It's a bit of an issue.
- Mm. That sucks.
Really assuming things
were on the up and up for you.
They were.
They were.
But wherever I go,
I'm, uh, still me, you know?
Yeah.
Well, I'm not gonna let
that guy get in my way.
- Mm.
- Know what I mean?
How's Emily, by the way?
She's okay.
I think we broke up.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- Ohh. I'm sorry.
- Yeah, thanks.
Weird if you gave me
her number?
Yes, absolutely.
William Brown,
your lawyer's here.
Mnh-mnh.
Man, is there a way we can
just skip all this sh*t
and get straight to the f*cking
lethal injection or whatever--
Stop!
Just be cool, okay?
- Alright.
- Okay. I know it's a hassle,
but we got to go through
all this due process crap, okay?
Okay.
Ah, here we are.
William Brown.
Yes!
You're getting out, my friend.
- Wait. No.
Wait. What?
- Police didn't find a body.
That doesn't--
That doesn't make sense.
Two cops conducted a thorough
search of the entire building,
and they searched your apartment
top to bottom.
There was no conclusive evidence
of foul play of any kind.
They just found a torn shirt,
pile of knives,
a bunch of worthless
broken records,
and some animal droppings.
Blah, blah, blah.
And it looks like someone
named Emily.
That's, uh, my girlfriend--
ex-girlfriend or--
or something-- I'm not sure.
- Yeah?
Well, she says she found a body
in your apartment.
The police didn't find one,
didn't find a single
drop of blood, so she lied.
No, she didn't lie.
She was th--
She was there 'cause she's a--
She-- She can't get in trouble.
She's a good person.
She doe-- Like, listen, I'm the
one who is a manslaughter.
I'm the--
- Shh!
Emily's going to be fine, okay?
It's just a domestic
disturbance.
- Okay.
- William, I think we need
to take the win here.
It's gonna really help me
out at home with the old lady.
She hates that
I never win stuff.
Okay?
- Okay.
Just be cool
and don't m*rder anyone else.
- I didn't.
- Okay?
Okay.
- Deal?
- Deal. Okay.
Oh, there was
one other thing--
the cops said they want you to
officially identify the body
of some woman
down at the morgue.
They think you might know her, okay?
- Yeah.
- Done.
Yeah, that's-- that's her.
Uh,
can I have a minute with her?
Eleanor...
Oh, William!
Eleanor.
Eleanor, I'm so sorry.
Oh, stop it, boy.
What are you sorry for?
- For k*lling you.
- I-- You didn't k*ll me.
I electrocuted myself.
- No, no, no. No, no, no, no.
You-- You asked me to help,
and I didn't help. And then...
'Cause I was
too focused on my own sh*t.
Oh, I'm the one who tried
to be an electrician.
I should have taken your advice
and hired one.
But I didn't want to listen.
Blaming anyone else
is a waste of time.
Yeah, I guess so.
Nothing happens for a reason.
Life is chaos.
Things just happen,
and we give them reason.
Nobody has as much time
as they think, you know, okay?
Now that I've absolved you,
isn't there something
you want to do
with the time you have left?
I want to finish my album.
You mean the album
I was trying to help you with,
your little sh*t?
Go do that.
Finish the album.
I don't know
if I can finish anything,
and it makes me hate myself,
and I'm so scared
if it's not going to be perfect,
no one will get it,
and my father was f*cking right.
William, use your demons.
Don't let them use you.
Accept their help, William.
Yeah. No, I get it.
I get it. I get all that.
But it's just-- it's just--
yeah, and I think--
I think I need a couple
of mental health days.
Damn it! There's no time.
Do you think they're never
going to figure out
about the other people
you've k*lled?
They were accidents.
I didn't k*ll anybody.
Oh! Okay. I see I'm going
to have to help you.
Let's get the f*ck out of here.
Welcome to part five
of my ongoing video series,
Rockin' in the Fifth Dimension.
Listen, what you wear
is just as important
as your playing.
Let's start with the scarf--
the scarf's
the most important part
of a bass player's wardrobe
'cause it's
close to your heart,
And that's where
the b*at is, baby.
William, I've got something
for you in the basement.
Okay.
Holy sh*t.
Eleanor, you've had this stuff
in here the whole time?
- I kept trying to tell you.
- I know. Thanks.
Anytime.
Hold on.
Do you know what this is?
This is a 1978 Mobius Megatar.
It's the same one
Swig Anderson played on the...
- Mythology of Madness Tour.
- Mythology of Madness Tour,
m*therf*cker!
- Yeah!
- Oh, you guys!
- Yeah, baby!
- You came back!
Never gonna leave you, bro.
Never.
Eleanor... I like what
you've done with your hair.
It's been a while,
Mr. Magic Fingers.
- Ugh.
- Still good for one hot lick?
- Mnh.
- What the f*ck?
- Ahh.
Okay, okay, okay, hey, hey,
listen. we got work to do.
- Yeah.
- Alright, well,
what instruments
does everybody play?
Oh, I could lay down
some sick beats for you, bro.
Awesome.
- Bass.
- Right.
- And I'll run the board.
- Okay.
Uh, Phillip, what do you play?
Well, my preferred instrument
is the bassoon.
Ah. Okay, whatever.
We'll figure it out later.
I think you got
all the stuff you need
to make your album.
I've always had the stuff.
What I needed was the help.
You guys want to make this
record with me or what?
- Yeah!
- Let's do it!
A little help?
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
Let's get out of this sh*thole.
- f*ck, yeah, Willy!
- Yeah!
See if I can find
the light switch.
- Don't bother. Found it for you.
- f*ck!
- William.
Breaking and entering is not
what rock and roll is all about.
Yeah, it's a good thing
we were just finishing up
our epic all-night jam sesh,
or we might have missed you.
Why are you in your underwear?
Wanted to record
some tracks naked.
Yeah, we were in the zone.
It was part of our process.
- Right, part of the process.
- What are you doing here?
- I'm here to finish my album.
- Yeah. f*ck that.
- sh*t!
Caleb, no!
What are you doing?!
It's Caleb Bang Jansen!
You got to say the whole name.
Say it again!
Caleb Bang Jansen,
what are you doing?!
Put me in the game, Willy.
Word on the street--
this dork is a mass m*rder*r.
I'm saving us.
That's where you're wrong,
Caleb Bang Jansen.
I'm not a mass m*rder*r.
I'm a mass manslaughter.
Help!
sh*t! sh*t!
Ah, ah, ah.
Try me.
- Nice cock.
Let's rock!
Ohh!
Aah!
Ohh!
No, no, no, no!
No!
Just f*cking k*ll me!
I f*cking hate prog!
Hey, Scott, here's those cords
you wanted back, alright?
Alright, boys, it's time
to make a hit record.
Okay.
Let's finally finish it.
One, two, three, fou-- ohh!
Ow. Eleanor, what's up
with the feedback?
It's not us.
William Brown!
Release the hostages.
Come out with your hands up!
- Oh, no! Five-O.
- Who called the cops?
Ooh. It's a
good question, Willy.
Your only warning!
We still need more time
to finish the album.
We got to convince them
that I'm dangerous.
What are you talking about,
Billy?
You are dangerous.
- Vlad, that's a great idea.
- What idea?
- Let's go.
- Okay.
Captain, it looks like
he's giving us a message.
"I just need a couple hours
to finish recording
and mixing the last track
on my album.
It's prog, so the post process
can be fairly involved.
Do not attempt to enter
the building
or I will harm the hostages.
If you don't believe me,
see attached."
Man, I was hoping to get through
the rest of the week
without seeing
another one of these.
Sorry about the hand, Vlad.
Is okay. It's the other
hand I use for noodling.
- Gross.
Hey, William,
we have someone here
we thought
you might want to talk to.
Excuse me.
I don't--
Hey, Will.
sh*t.
Hey!
Just want to let you know,
you come any closer,
I'm gonna sh**t you.
With a g*n.
- G-u-u-un
Emily, what are you doing here?
Um, they made me come negotiate
to release the hostages,
Scott and Caleb.
I didn't really want to, but
they kind of said that I had to.
Is this, um, supposed to
convince me to come out or...?
Hey, tell you what,
Alan Parsons.
You know what?
Just listen to
what she has to say and turn
those effects down, please.
Sorry! Sorry.
It was for a bridge.
Sorry. It's just--
I'm just--
We're working really hard
on trying to finish the album
is all, you know?
I don't think being rude
is gonna help, sir.
I, um-- Well, they want me
to tell you that--
that I love you,
and I forgive you,
and that if you can
just release the hostages,
then everything will be okay,
and you can come out
of all of this safely
and live happily ever after
or whatever.
But what do you want to say?
What do I want to say?
That I'm mad at you.
- Just stick to the script.
Give me this.
I'm just--
I'm so mad at you.
I mean, I knew
that you had problems.
I do, too, but I just...
I thought we were gonna help
each other through them, but...
But you just never were able
to get over them.
It was like
you didn't even want to.
I know, I know, I know, I know.
I just-- I was just doing
that thing
where I just-- I let everybody
get in my way,
or I was convinced they were,
you know?
And just, like, I would
blame you or work or just...
I really thought it was
the sh*thole apartment.
And, um...
I guess, you know, it turns out
I'm the sh*thole apartment.
Yes, you were
the sh*thole apartment, Will.
I put you through so much,
and I'm so sorry for all this.
Was just so close...
I was so close
to finishing the album.
Almost done for real.
And I just-- I don't want
all of this to be for nothing.
You know?
You're really close to being
done done?
Like, done done,
like, almost for real this time.
We're almost done.
It's just like,
f*ck, it's so close!
Maybe I could remind you
how good it used to be,
you know, before,
and-- and then that'll
help you to surrender?
Emily,
I know how good it used to be.
No, no, Will!
Listen to me.
Remember when we bought time
at that cabin in Big Bear?
That's a great idea.
You know, if I-- if I heard
that story, the Big Bear story,
the whole thing,
I declare that I would
release the hostages.
Okay. Um, do you remember
that we wanted
to just get away for a weekend
because we were just
sick of town?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, I remember.
And so we loaded up
all of our stuff...
Okay. Depending on
how Emily tells the story,
we have 25 to 38 minutes
to finish this record.
Oh, God.
Is it the Big Bear story?
Yeah.
I'm Caleb Bang Jansen!
In the beginning,
there was rock.
And that rock progressed.
But it went into hiding.
...fills the car
with board games,
and I was like, "Why are you
bringing board games?"
And you're like, "Whatever..."
Now it
is finally ready to return.
I present to you
"Epitaph for the Fallen Circus."
You said, "Let's just
drive up to Big Bear,"
and I was like, "Don't you think
that we should look online?"
But you didn't want me to know
that you didn't
have a credit card.
Oh, you're shredding
on the m*therf*cker.
And we couldn't even see
out of the back mirrors.
And then, all we could see
is through the rearview mirrors,
and you're like,
"No, no, it's fine.
I have eyes in the back
of my head."
But you missed the state trooper
that was coming along.
And you missed those
two raccoons that you hit, too.
Yeah, and then I was like...
- Can you reach that cocaine?
- Trying.
Will you guys shut up?
I'm trying to make a hit record.
And then we went to that bar,
and you were like,
"I want to get a yard of beer,"
and I was like,
"Anytime that there is measuring
beers in distances,
it's probably not gonna end well
for your body, Bill."
"No, I don't want to eat
beef jerky for dinner,"
but then, you came in with all
different kinds of beef jerky.
I mean, there was...
Yaah!
And the goblin, I smell it
You can try and hide
Slip, slip
But I will find you
William, I don't think
we have much time.
...basil and Texas barbecue.
And then there was...
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Something's missing.
We're missing something.
What are you laughing at?
That you're never gonna
finish this album, Willy.
- What the f*ck, Vlad?
- m*therf*cker...
I called the cops.
- Why?
Why?
Because there's no hope, Willy.
'Cause you're just like me.
Because you're a f*cking loser,
and you're gonna die
a f*cking loser.
Don't listen to him, man.
- Right here with the loser...
- No, he's right.
...with his little band.
And no girlfriend
and a dead father
who always thought
you were a loser, Willy.
Yes.
You f*cked Vlad!
And now Vladdy's gonna f*ck you.
So what you gonna do, Brown?
I'm gonna do what I should've
done in the first place, Vlad.
- Yeah?
- I'm gonna ignore you.
You can't finish the album,
Willy.
It's not perfect.
Actually, I think that's what's
gonna make it great.
What if you fail, Willy?
What if you make your music
and nobody gets it, Willy?
The right ones will.
Captain, do you hear that?
I'd recognize that
sound anywhere.
That's a Mobius Megatar.
She's stalling.
Get her out of there!
Will, they're coming!
They're coming!
Watch where you go!
Move, move, move, move, move!
Come, fight me, Willy!
Fight me like a man.
Real blood-and-guts sh*t!
Cops are here!
William, you're out of time!
Stop it now!
Now that's what rock 'n' roll
is all abou--
Unh!
Hey.
That's that guy.
And the award for
Album of the Year goes to...
William Brown,
"Calamities of Castles."
We're sad that William
couldn't be here with us today,
but we're also grateful.
Grateful that you fell in love
with his music and his legacy.
Frankly, we're a little
surprised at the success
of this album.
- But, also, we're thrilled.
And, William,
if you're out there
watching somewhere tonight,
we share this with you.
Yeah [bleep]
William Brown,
your lawyer's here.
- Yeah.
- Winning awards.
That's what rock 'n' roll
is all about.
Hey.
- How are you?
- I'm alright. How are you?
Good.
I have some good news.
There's going to be an appeal,
which should be a chance
to get your sentence
knocked down a little bit.
- Hey.
- You know, three consecutive
life sentences just feels like
it's a little steep.
Yeah, I don't even know how
that works, uh, biologically.
You know, maybe we can get it
down to life without parole?
Yeah, with your one life.
- With my one life, yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
Oh, I wanted to tell you,
this headphone company
made me these, uh,
custom tiny headphones.
Oh, my God.
Are those
for your small ear canals?
Yeah, they made them
specifically
for my small canals.
They heard me talking about them
in an interview,
and they just sent them over.
Before I go, I just...
I just had one quick question.
Yeah. What's up?
How did you do it?
I thought we weren't supposed
to talk about the deaths...
No, not that. No, I meant,
how did you finish the album?
I listened to it,
and it's really, really good.
You know, with everything
that was going on,
how'd you do it?
- Yeah!
Well, let's just say
I had some help.
That makes you sound crazy.
It does, I know. I'm sorry.
Oh, um, I, um-- I forgot.
I left something for you
in your cell.
They say I've lost my mind
My price for getting here
My thoughts
are broken plates
I'll fix someday, you'll see
And the thoughts in my head
can't connect
No one understanding me
I'll sign a treaty
If it sets me free
All to this
All to that
I swear I saw it
I swear I saw it
A place you can't see
They say it can't be right
Whispered everyone
Man is a monster
Nothing can better him
'Cause snakes
don't have hands
It'll set you free
All to this
All to that
I swear I saw it
I swear I saw it
A place you can't see
It'll set you free
Ooh, ooh
It'll set you free
If you believe
It'll set you free
Ooh, ooh
It'll set you free
If you believe
It'll set you free
Ooh, ooh
It'll set you free
If you believe
It'll set you free
Ooh, ooh
It'll set you free
If you believe
Destroy All Neighbors (2024)
Moderator: Maskath3