05x01 - Dirt Duel

[bunniefuu]

One-Adam-12, One-Adam-12,

a 211 in progress.

One-Adam-12, handle code 3.

♪♪

What was the big closed-door
session about, with Mac?

Tonight's meeting. What else?

He chewing on you again?

Yeah, he calls it
supervisory counseling.

- What are you going to do
about it?
- I don't know.

I've been knocking my brains out

ever since this Basic
Car program started.

- If you want my opinion...
- I don't.

I'll give it to you anyway.

I think all we have to do is
build up the publicity some,

talk to the people
who are on calls,

invite them to come.

I'm running out of
ideas for publicity.

Maybe we need an
expert on public apathy.

He's going to rip her off.

This is One-Adam-12.

We're in pursuit of two


All units on all
frequencies, stand by.

One-Adam-12 is in pursuit

of two 484 purse-snatch suspects

riding motorcycles.

Suspects described
as male Caucasians.

One-Adam-12, go.

One-Adam-12, dispatch a
radio car to meet the victim

at Mulholland and Dunkirk.

We are westbound on
Mulholland, nearing Bethel.

No license readable.

This is One-Adam-12.
Suspects have left Mulholland

on the far road west of Dawson.

Request Air-10 meet us on Tac-2.

One-Adam-12,
Air-10 is not clear.

Just like the last time.

Looks like they're all here.

Yeah, still worth checking.

Oink, oink.

You got something
to say, Skinner?

I was speaking your
language, Malloy.

Didn't you understand?

Nah, I think you gotta say it
with more of a grunt, Skinner.

Shh, hey, cool it.

The fuzz here might retaliate
with their favorite w*apon.

Yeah, and I can't afford
any more of those tickets.

The easiest way to
get around that, Mouse,

is to stop riding like a fool.

Why are you
checking out the bikes?

Uh... the bikes
are all clean, Pete.

What's that supposed to mean?

I was looking for
mud on the frames.

Another one of our senior
citizens had her purse ripped off.

Aw.

Was it those same two
dudes in the choppers?

You know anything
about it, Oiler?

No, man, I don't wanna know
anything about those kind of freaks.

You know, you blue
suiters are really heavy.

Every time some grandma
gets her purse boosted,

you make a first
pitstop right here.

We're just checking, Skinner.

If you're clean, you got
nothing to worry about.

Look, we've all been
here since noon, all of us.

Now, why don't you guys go out
and give a few tickets to the squares?

Hassle them for a change.

We have to go where
the action is, Skinner.

What's that supposed to mean?

Why don't you
figure that one out?

Look, I'll bet you tonight

that all those biddies are
going to get together again

and hang half a
dozen raps on us.

What are you talkinig about?

The meeting over
at the high school,

you know, where all those creeps

sit around eating
sugar-frosted donuts

and cooking up a lot of bull about
how we've been terrorizing them.

That's not what it's about.

Yeah, I'll bet.

It's a Basic Car Plan meeting.

It's not aimed at you guys.

We were having
them a couple of years

before the Kings
Choppers were even around.

Malloy, don't feed me that, huh?

Why don't you go there
and see for yourself?

Well, what do you know?

Hey, you hear that, guys?

We got a real, live invite

from a pig.

Yeah. Hey, how about it, we pull in
there and rouse those creeps a little bit?

What about it, Malloy?

You're welcome to come.

If you do anything stupid,

you'll wind up underneath
the punch bowl.

Uh-huh. We'll see
about that. Won't we.

I'm not convinced you
should've asked them to come.

You're the one who's gettting
counselled for low attendance.

I'm just trying to help out.

I'm also the one that has to
run the meeting. Remember?

Those chopper hounds could
turn that school upside down.

I remember something
Mac once said

when he was rookying
with a guy just like you.

I can hardly wait.

He asked the guy how full he
thought the churches would be

if the preachers turned
away all the sinners.

Now I'm a preacher.

Amen, brother.

Doesn't look like you're getting
much of a turnout, Malloy.

Well, it's early yet.

Don't worry, sarge.

Pete says we're going to
have a good attendance tonight.

That's what you said last month.

I think I can
guarrantee it tongith.

What's all this?

Just... part of
the congregation.

Try to draw you a
picture on night watch

and then turn it over to
Officer Woods for days.

That cat burglar we
were discussing last month

has been apprehended,
thanks to Mr. Kramer.

Mr. Kramer kept his eyes open

and spotted the burglar
breaking into the nieghbor's house.

He called us, and
we caught the guy.

If more people would do that isntead
of worrying about getting involved,

we'd probably cut
the burglaries in half.

Look, why don't you cut out
all this worthless gibberish

and get down to
what's really going on?

You people are trying
to put the pressure on us

with a lot of false accusations.

Listen, we'll get to
that in time, Skinner.

Well, I'm about to crash,
so let's get to it now.

Fine, go ahead.

Well, as long as they
want to talk about it,

let me be the first.

ONly yesterday these young punks

almost ran me over

with their motorcycles.

Look, lady,

if I had tried to run you over,

you would've been run over.

Yeah, we wouldn't miss anything

moving as slow as you.

If you want to make a shouting
match out of this, I'll gladly comply.

Oh, you wanna
shout a little, huh?

All right, then me and my
club will rip this place apart.

Yeah!

Okay, okay, I think we've
heard that subject long enough.

You think so, Malloy? I don't.

Where does this broad
get off with all this bull?

Where do you get off?

You know, you pigs hassle us

because some dimwitted
lady says I tried to run her over,

and you know she couldn't read
an eye chart if she was holding it.

I said we've aired this
subject long enough, Skinner.

Now, why don't we start
trying to work out a solution?

Hey, I've already
got a solution.

As long as you're hasseling us

for all this stuff we're
supposed to be doing,

why don't we do it?

That wouldn't be very smart.

I've never been known
for my smarts, Malloy.

Just my guts.

Well, if you don't cool it,
you're going to have to leave.

What about her?

Oh. Well, if she
takes a poke at you,

I'll throw her out, too.

Shh. You really think
you're man enough, huh?

You know, she's pretty tough.

Look, this is a rigged game.

Anyway, Malloy, once...

Just one time

I'd like to get a sh*t at
you without that badge

just to see how
tough you really are.

What did you have in mind?

Oh, how about
knives in an alley?

You pick the alley and the time.

Okay, how about the alley behind
the station during change of watch?

Hey, do deal, Malloy.

Tell you what, Skinner,

we got a pretty good football
team down at the station.

How about if we have a game?
The cops vs. the choppers?

Hey, Malloy, this
is between you me,

Don't fink out with
the whole police force.

Hey, how about a bike race?

I'll run you on Commerce Street.

Unless you'd rather race me.

I'm betting on Malloy.

I can't do that, Skinner.

It's against the law
to race on city streets.

I'll tell you what. I'll run you
bike for bike in a motocross.

Motocross, huh?

I don't know, Malloy...

Yeah, come on, do it, man.

Will you settle
down? I'm thinking.

Chicken?

Okay, Malloy. You're on.

Indian Dunes one
week from today.

Out of sight! Yeah.

Interesting evening
you had, Malloy.

You're out of your mind.
You know that, don't you?

Aren't you the one that
said we should get involved

and sway the sinners?
Tell me a better way.

Pete, you don't know the first
thing about racing a dirt bike.

I used to run a street bike.

Besides, I got a week to learn.

You can't do it in a week.

I got a double ace in the hole.

Fine. Tell me about it.

Fist, Skinner's probably
never raced in the dirt either,

and I've seen you
enough at Indian Dunes

to know that a chopper rider

is just as much a
beginner at motocross

as I am, right?

Yeah, you got a point
there. What's number two?

- I got a good teacher.
- Who?

- Who esle?
- Now, wait a minute.

If you think I'm going
to set you up for the k*ll,

you're out of your mind, Pete.

Come on, let's get back to work.

Pete, you can't learn
everything there is in just a week.

You're going to k*ll yourself
before you've had a chance to...

Clutch, throttle,
gears, and k*ll button.

It's a powerful bike, Pete,
and it's got a lot of torque,

so don't let it get
away from you.

It was nice of Smitty
to make us the loan.

Well, there's one condition. I told
him you'd make good all the damages.

That was big of you.

I knew you'd appreciate it.

Look, Pete, if you don't want to
go through with this, I'd be glad...

Never mind. Just
get on with the lesson.

Why don't you take it out
on the sand by the riverbed,

get the feel of it.

Why there? What's the
matter with the track?

That's a good place to
learn. There's nothing to hit.

What did I tell you
about cornering?

Stick my foot out. Then
do it, and use the berms.

Get your front wheel in anhd then give
it the throttle to bring the back around.

I'll try to remember.

All right.

What about coming
into the corners?

Full out and grab
all the brakes I can.

ANd?

Keep the revs up and shift down.

Okay, fine.

Why don't we go around
and try the high-speed jump?

Right.

Wait a minute. Don't you want to
know what you're suppsoed to do?

That one I already know.

All right, tell me about it.

Fourth gear in the straighaway,

and the jumpo will put
me about five feet hight.

Yeah, how do you come down?

Front wheel first.

That cuts down my
time in the air, right?

Wrong.

Give some gas just
as you leave the jump,

put your tail to the
back of the bike,

and land on the rear wheel.

You sure? I've seen
the pros a few times.

They always come
down on the front wheel.

Since when did you turn pro?

Back wheel first.

I've been looking
forward to tomorrow.

You're not here to
fink out, are you?

I've been working up
to this race all week.

Well, get ready
to catch my fumes.

You think the
chopper can cut it?

You can't be serious.

There ain't no chopper
that can make that gig,

Okay, you guys, move aside

and let the fuzz
here feast their eyes.



I've been getting it
dialed in all week.

Skinner, are you telling us that you
sold your chopper just for this race?

No, man.

I've got plenty of loot.

You know, with all them
purses I've been ripping off?

You're looking at the
proud owner of two bikes,

one for me and
one to rip off Malloy.

Boy, Skinner,
look, it's only a race.

No, man.

It's not the race.
It's more than that.

A lot more.

Did you get a look at Skinner?

Yeah. He's good.

Pete, I've got my gear with
me. Why don't you let me ride?

Forget it.

All right, it's your neck.

You ready to eat some dirt?

You want to talk or race?

Ready?

Well, it looks like
the fuzz is failing.

We got a full lap to go, friend.

You all right?

What are you stopping for?

Nice ride, Skinner.

Thanks.

One-Adam-12, P.M. watch clear.

One-Adam-12, clear.

Mac tells me the race has
been getting all kinds of publicity.

Figures that the Basic Car
Plan meeting attendance

ought to double next month.

Accomplished that much, anyway.

Five to one it's hot.

Good obs, partner.

Mind stepping
out of the car, sir?

What did I do, officer?

Just an investigation. Would
you mind getting your registration?

How did you know?

It's two things.

There's no registration
sticker on that plate,

and it's got bugs all over it.

I bet you didn't
even think of that

when you stole that
front plate, did you?

All units in the facinity
and One-Adam-14,

484 purse snatch just
occured, Fifth and White Oak.

Two suspects on motorcycle,

last seen west-bound
on Mulholland.

Our boys.

They're heading in
the same direction.

This is One-Adam-12,

proceeding to a code-100
at Dunkirk and Mulholland.

Our boys.

This is One-Adam-12.
Suspects just passed our location.

Standby for pursuit broadcast.

Request additional units

deployed at Mulholland
area for intercept.

One-Adam-12, no units
available in the vacinity.

We got it, partner.

I don't believe it.

Step over here.

I'm confused,
Skinner. What gives?

Nothing to be confused about.

We got a rumble on these dudes

and figured this would be
the best place to wait for them.

We appreciate the help.

Well, don't count on it again.

In my book,
you're still the man,

and the only way to get you off
my back was to bust these dudes.

Nothing's change,
Malloy. You got that?

Nothing's changed.

Oink, oink.