09x06 - Profitable Trip to the Casino

[bunniefuu]

[Music]

thank you [Music]

thank you [Music]

you're up then what time's our first appointment Quarter Two

half an hour perfect I'm just gonna pop out and grab some bricky you'll be all right here won't

you you should have done this you locked up last night some of that's new how can it be new maybe it's from you I have

noticed you've been getting a little bit on top lately what

God I need to put a bloody Bell on you or something right team meeting gather round gather

round we're all stood here how much more round you want us to be do you really want me to answer that Kenneth

right well as you know I am opening a brand new flagship Salon in SoHo and

well basically I've realized what's a flagship seller needs most of all is a flagship

manager someone professional someone I can trust someone who I know will Troy

Troy Troy let me stop you there I'm flattered

obviously I mean it wouldn't be but I can't go back there now if nothing else my skin has become

acclimatized if I so much set foot off that plane in Gatwick it will cr*ck like

fine bone china so as much as I appreciate your offer I'm afraid it's a

no from me

this is awkward what do you mean I was talking about you

[Music] hey you know what that is

[Music] a big star man why what does he do he

bend spoons once hi spoons spoons okay Ben spawns

and for this he's famous good morning team Mateo hello or should

I say Neville but it's fine it's fine hazing the new boss eh hi yes very good well never let

it be said I don't enjoy a good wheeze but hopefully I've passed your little initiation test out we can get through the next few days without any more

the Benidorm spiritual and psychic convention all right uh 12 till five in the function room I don't have anything

down about this it's okay they have it here every year all of the psychotics come no no this is not good at all and I

wasn't I mean I mean I'm not prepared but how many people are coming I mean I should have numbers shouldn't I you know in case of I don't know him an

earthquake or something we do not get many earthquakes in Alicante well some other type of disaster then a hurricane

or a a flower Dora fire please calm down lord Henry I have a

full list of all the guests and speakers I will print you out the copy and bring it to your office right well yes that would be

thank you but don't print out that list I'll do it

I just want to add a couple more names what do you mean I have a couple of more names don't worry about it I'll explain

everything just leave it with me okay anyway is it time you to open the bar

[Music]

and you're absolutely sure that blue is pregnant yes it means pregnant honest to

me that doesn't look blue more turquoise actually

that's the color AD in mind for our spare room

it's blue and it's real I'm pregnant

let me tell Malcolm well don't you think you should love

nice to know like you don't know he's so

part of the family now not necessarily

what do you mean I mean there's a teeny

tiny Teensy chance that the baby's not his

[Music] sounds like to me son and mid-life

crisis it's not a midlife crisis all right just a couple of nights of bad

dreams that's all yeah and I was the one who had to suffer through them kicking and carrying on what were these

dreams about Dad us or slot we were homeless

destitute living on the streets across the way there were this big billboard

with our Jody's face on it she was a film star and she divorced us divorced

us yeah the old family you know like the American child stars do classic midlife

crisis Dream It's not a midlife crisis all right tell me something do you find

yourself constantly wondering whether you've made the right choices do you look at your kids and think I'll come

there we've got all the chances I never you look at your wife and think whatever happened to that svelte young thing that

I married excuse me just asking

Billy well God no of course I don't what do

you want about Dad well all right but if it is a midlife crisis the good news is that eventually you get over it

and then you end up like me well there's something for you to look

forward to [Music] look it was a Works team building thing

all right a m*rder mystery weekend a m*rder mystery weekend and you didn't invite me oh yes Pauline you should have

asked Jeff you always guess though dollars didn't you do you remember when we used to watch that program together

quarrel no not Paro the other one

oh come on then what happened I can't remember we can't remember

Scooby-Doo that was it wouldn't say you can't remember whether

I be correct and assuming alcohol might have been involved perhaps

one or two small large vodkas

all three poorly in a new pregnant oh mum mum she obviously wasn't

she had no idea who no no it could have been any one of two

of them okay two well that's not maybe three

all right five five okay Jeff there were five people with me don't go getting upset Pauline

love perhaps we could narrow it down nah will

any of them women [Music]

fortune tellers Palm readers know all your [ __ ] off the wrong tree there pets I've seen these sort of shows

before it's usually just psychology and science which is probably what about half the attendees are expected but that

still leaves a good two quarters it'll be after the mumbo jumbo and we're gonna give it to them now I've already put a

call into a local medium and I'm still working on trying to track down a palmist we'll set the tents up over

there pocket half the takins and split it three ways what do you say

she does this a lot and you say no matter never let me I don't want to be

all Wally worry guts with you but our little chat this morning about earthquakes and tornadoes and fires got

me thinking when was the last time this place had a safety drill um

uh August 16th August what literally the day before I arrived

oh well that's great and the

fire and it says it was last tested in July I used to see him everywhere you know it's like sell by dates and

supermarkets you always had a couple of months on like yes and on top of all that I have a big house

it is behind the badge you cannot see from there well this is quite the weight of my mile

I don't mind telling you oh and here's the list of all the attendees Sir Henry

fortune teller yes we do it every year don't we Mateo

as regular as our fire drills great Splendid as you were then

thanks boys do you know what she has done don't you she has put us in the same boat as her

[Music] if you let me finish talking before you

marched out I haven't actually said yes look Kenny didn't want to do it anyway so that's not the point you never asked

me you were never asking me I've been here twice close I'd practically run this place

single-handedly for you while you've been gullible enough doing God knows what I have worked my fingers to the

Bone for you you're selfish ingrate [ __ ] look look at my calluses the most on

your right hand I noticed that's because it's me brushing hand oh is that what you kids are calling it these days oh so

you think it's funny now do you well you can laugh it up on your own from now on because I quit oh

[Music] all right

not really no we've blown our entire week's budget in like four days

what about who needs money we've got everything we need right here everything

except girls Jerry I mean have you seen this place this year it's like something from The Walking Dead and we're stuck

with it because all we've got left is however much this is 44 euros 25.

he's right how'd you know that I counted it but you barely looked at it this is that mass

thing of yours again isn't it didn't you say you booked some cards

review yeah I'll be right back oh

[Music] lap I'm wicked on that snap

hey hey Julie [Laughter] I don't believe it well you tell me you

were coming here you think [ __ ] house please tell me you're up for a drink later because I am having the holiday

from Hell got the old tribe out there with us including Loretta hey did I tell you earn my dad were having to chip in

for our Geordie stage school fees and you better believe they rub it in every chance they get now I'm stressed out to

the max mate worrying 24 7 about everything Dad reckons into midlife crisis but I can't be right I mean I'm

only

oh my God Elia regella it's pronounced URI oh you

must think I I am so sorry you look just like my mate Stevie I mean he looks just

like you everybody calls him Yuri I mean URI because he looks just like me I get

it look it's fine don't worry these things happen

actually it's a shame because my lecture is totally booked up and I believe it

could have helped you but perhaps I can give you some advice anyway

worry Trace these are the results of negative energy

and do you know what causes negative energy mother-in-laws no

negative thinking let me explain you something it

all comes from inside negative thoughts lead to negative

energy and positive thoughts leads to positive energy and positive energy

leads to a happier Billy hang on

how do you know my name look Billy if you want to change your entire life for the better you have to

remember two simple words positive

thinking

[Music]

[Music]

thank you I need a drink Paul I know a soft drink mum okay I

couldn't have alcohol now even if I wanted could I want for another nine months

son does it make me a bad person if I owe Malcolm isn't the father

my other Pauline told us about him normal I want to admit you're completely sand

you've only renew which one of the other candidates was most likely though I know I love it's a mystery

I'm always good at solving Mysteries don't we

me it's me wasn't that clear not my words by the end of today we'll

have it down from a one to six to a one to two well my name's not the oracle

[Music] the game is a foot

oh so now I've only just sat down can you not play with yourself

did you not tell you about my dramatic walkouts it's more of a flounce really look Liam's a young lad and he's proved

himself I just want to give him a chance you don't know what to do you know doesn't know whether to take it or not it's a big decision well knee could

really use his best friend's help with Kenneth what's this really about

oh oh [Music]

a message for someone here oh him not today Lord all right

you then me oh who's it from I can't tell you now

come to my tent later okay I will at what time are you planning on opening

your flaps half an hour I'll bring your purse

a message for you hey I wonder if it's from your Donald oh no age far too busy

up there from my friend

part of the Brighton set we lost him last October an incident with a

trampoline and did you too to set the tent up for

me oh right here

and from you Andy to chair a table a candle and a large bottle of brandy

brandy yes well it's the spiritualist thing really you wouldn't understand let's just say a much more susceptible

to being entered after I've had a glass or two I'd enjoy preaching to the convertible

[Music]

what are we looking for the social media passwords there's no way somebody with

our Pauline's history would rely on remembering them mostly written down somewhere

now listen you stand guard and if you see her coming make a noise or something

what sort of noise I think a hooping owl is somewhat traditional in these situations

can I be a kookaburra I've always liked kookaburras yay whatever

what noise do they make oh

[Music]

my family my wonderful wonderful family

who boss what on Earth are you wearing hmm

oh these do you like them some woman of the road was selling them yeah

there you go Loretta if anything that makes you look even more beautiful

but of course nothing nothing could make you more beautiful

thanks

[Music]

Jeff oh no I wasn't um I was uh

I needed to borrow some chopstick chapstick I don't use chapstick

what was those big mountain legs

it's okay I'll um there were some mods from the bar

come on mother I'm sorry son I just start to look to the little

can you talk to me sorry I can't hear you Judas

Zayn Malik

[Music]

okay what have I got Queen of Spades four of

Hearts eight Spades two of spades jack of diamonds Jacka clubs

what did I tell you all right once more just to be sure

we've got a problem I've rang every contact I've got and there are no Palm readers available on

such short notice all right well we'll just have to deal with it we can't do that they always draw the biggest numbers Ergo the biggest profits

why do we not ask the vendor to do it for what young Liam was saying I don't think he's in the mood no I am talking

about him with the spoons or him man he politics anyways when

a certain type you know wizard old Crone from some exotic land or other

so you're saying we need someone in a dress with a face that has seen better days and an almost impenetrable accent

hi what [Music]

oh [Music]

jump up winning I'm going through

really Jeff with her mother sat right there okay

what are you doing then what was

I was looking at Pawn oh son I'm going for a walk

clear my head here at the pool with all the little

kiddies running around I wasn't looking at Paul nothing

tell a Pauline's social media page these are all the prime suspects just

have to whip them down where are you going

to see if they'll let me use the printer we're gonna do this we're gonna do it

properly I think he's good no

so when I told you to fetch some bed sheets I meant ones that had already been laundered I don't know why we

bothered with the frame at all after these ones could have stood up on their own

you look great I feel ridiculous

perfect right I'm gonna go check out what time the last lecture finishes you guys see if you can't drum up a bit of

Interest here beforehand [Music]

he's not moving since I left he's not moved for five minutes so we sure he

isn't dead can you die standing up Billy

are you okay um oh yeah I'm fine

better than fine actually I'm happy right well that's nice only

you do seem to be acting a little uh odd am I Sharon am I oh

for the first time in my life am I actually acting normal

no I'm gonna stick with odd Sean are you sure I am Taliban

oh I've had something better than that Dad I've had an epiphany

I just spoke to Yuri gella his friends call him oh my God he's a lucination

and is he here now no of course he isn't but he has changed

my life with just two simple words positive thinking

powerful aren't they yeah yeah [Music]

[Music]

[Music] what in here yes Madam Georgina has

requested you personally madame oh God it stinks somebody been using

this for a crap house please come sit my child oh for God Nev I know it's you

what you've been here barely two days and already that Bloody travel rep's got you rubbed into one of a crappy scams I

see I hey but what you didn't reckon with is that I really do have the gift do ya

come sit all right this better be good

oh dear what is it is it me Lifeline oh it's your friendship line

hey what this line here oh that's a very strong line is that you've got a very

strong friendship in your life but look it's suddenly Forks off almost as if the

almost as if my best friend and flatmates forking off and leave me on me Todd nice try Madame jordina did he put

you up to this did he no no he didn't you're not upset that he got off of the job over you you're upset that he's

going to leave no oh listen man young Liam thinks the world are you he looks

up to you to be honest I reckon if you asked him not to leave he wouldn't

no you can [ __ ] off an arm [Music]

boy literally you this is Madame Georgina

she's a great mistake Mystic mistake no she's not she's not even a woman

hey all right steady on pet you need oil painting yourself the nut is I mean Believers are on the

way out the function room now getting your tent quick all right I will get in my tent

but you can forget about your 25 cut or but we agree ah well that was before you

stuck this great circus clown next to me I I happen to be a professional give me

that give it give it go go go

if she thinks she's getting away with this she's got another thing coming you and me are gonna make sure Madame

Georgina does twice a business she does oh they're coming

[Music] this is easier being said than done

[Music]

I'm sorry son I don't understand you with that stick in your mouth

right this is what we know called into Pauline's posts her and the

colleagues arrived at the Manor on the evening of July the 6th at 1800 hours

they had supper then at 1915 I was precisely Paul and returned to a room

word upon alenthe and tedious chatlock

between herself and Malcolm has been recorded I propose that it was at the conclusion

of this very chats she took her first drink or poor Paul

Pauline after that the timeline on the posts become mudded

at this point the one thing we do know is that she eventually woke up the following morning

in a room that wasn't around the original occupants already vanished

but he's up there somewhere along this wall Darren Roberts Paul Butler

Henry Paul Andy Brooks Lionel Harris

so who was it well I don't know that yet do I that's the whole purpose of this

exercise now leave me I must enter

my mind Palace okay

but don't stay inside all day Willie's son you know it's not good for you

[Music]

here it is here it is I've never been to a casino before I've always wanted to

after this I've just got to swim with tortoises and meet Harry Potter and then my bucket list is complete

I'm gonna be honest with you when you brought me in on this I didn't realize I'd be the one putting up all the cash what are you worried about mate we're

gonna double it triple it quadrangle it you've seen what he can do kid's a

genius [Music]

oh goodbye [Music]

lovely talking to you again anyway Sammy and you know what's funny you see lost

your speech impediment when you crossed over oh

oh the spirit is fading oh

the spirit is gone but she leaves her love with you I love

his love sometimes when they come through it's hard to tell oh that's all right to be

fair it was hard to tell when he was alive oh that's why Sammy was the best

well thank you next

I said next

watching the name of Doris Stokes is going on and why is that great Geordie

[ __ ] getting more punters up oh that's far too much

well I did say I take care of the pricing structure and as you are the professional one here I just thought

your feet should reflect that the charade has gone on long enough

yeah hey occupiedo

why is this so sticky she's not good

right thank you all for coming I'm afraid both our Mystics need a quick break to charge their psychic energy

get charged around here is you for fraud hello um what's going on here exactly

I'll tell you what's going on these wishlist little chimps of yours I'm making a mockery of the Mystic Arts and

I am going to see to it that they regret it why what are you going to do put the

curse on us maybe I will

tried your worst I do not believe in your jumbo my balls

[Music]

oh my God fire forgive me forgive me

like I said somebody do something like 20 nearly 100 years old nobody panic

okay just uh we're trained for this it must have been your candle

[Music]

right okay everyone stand back

could have a couple of months off

[Music] my big hose

[Music] successful fire drill I'd say

it's today's date [Music]

[Music]

and take a break [Music]

because I'm happy because I can't take this we have to do

something I am not spending the rest of my life married to some Gurney great happy Clapper

it's my son you're talking about no it's not Eddie your son is a warrior and a

friend and a part-time misery doctor and I love him more than the world and I want him back

than that take the useless original version over whatever the act that monstrosity up there is

so what do we do I tell you what we do we work together as a team for once all

three of us to depress the hell out of anything

so happy

oh I see I guess I'm too late um Kenneth Liam no

no it's fine as it happens I'd come to apologize anyway yeah yeah

until for me congratulations I think you deserve this really

yeah that's the part where you're supposed to shake me and Liam oh I I can't

why can't you is that because of the calluses Liam turned down the job

what he did How Could I Live Benidorm

my dad my friends oh

yeah wonderful of course now I've got to find someone in London to manage the place

um you do realize technically you haven't asked me yet Kenneth you said no one I didn't ask you so I've

been doing a lot of reflecting today and things have changed ask me now Kenneth I can't believe you

shut your face okay Troy

ask me go on fine Kenneth would you like to manage my new

salon no I wouldn't stick it up your ass

okay [Music]

right now we've got that emotional stuff out the way I think a couple of drinks are in order I'll follow you on I'm just

gonna sweep up first you'll find that's my job

what's up there's some sleeping feathers [Music]

why is it so dark in here oh

I'm glad you m*rder*d it suppose you're wondering why I called you both are you well actually we're on

our way oh what the hell these are all my colleagues only four of

them one of them potentially the father of your baby now

can finally reveal who Jeff love mum do you mind I'm trying to

do me a big day in your mom here and whose son but see without any Witnesses

or evidence and one of these men could have been the culprit that is until you scratch beneath the

surface Darren Roberts status update July 12 2014

booked my vasectomy hashtag ouch

Andy Brooks lists his likes as art poetry and the music of Paddy Manila

Samo Lionel Harris Jeff I'm not pregnant

you are it's true son that's what we came to tell you

it was a faulty batch so I went out and bought another one and

I'm not pregnant and what the hell am I doing here

I should be celebrating I'm sorry son why don't you tell me

you've done it anyway no point

go on you know you want to Paul Butler

the butler did it and he would have got a way with it too

if it hadn't been for you Marilyn kids

soon what do you think she meant

by celebrating oh you're never gonna believe this

council's only after sticking on a monthly mobile phone must things right opposite our house oh well I might

actually get a signal in the bathroom now

Sean do you remember that cat you had when you were a bear Winston

well it never ran away ah back to over it

I know that I've always known you have um

doesn't it feel better to say it out loud it does

it really does right looks like you're all down to half

full glasses I'll go get another round no no they're not half full Billy

they're half empty just say just say it half empty well they're not

Sharon they're half full

[Music] what was that you've ended up depressing

yourself and where were you well I'm sorry Sharon but I was never gonna Tr*mp the squash

cat story what's that excuse me I think I've got somebody in

my eye awesome

what happened I don't I don't count or something no I was counting I swear there's something fishy

about their whole setup I'm telling you I don't know how but somehow they're cheating

this is serious are you trying to tell us that the casino applying with a loaded deck we should tell somebody or

two why we should they can't get away with eating us not when we're trying to cheat them cheat them exactly Joey you

certain absolutely half the time in there they shouldn't have even won I did

everything you taught me I made sure every hand you were getting was as close to 31 as possible

31 yeah what ah

[Music]

what this is it the zoo split I'm taking the rest of psycho soon didn't I by a

silent stopper from letting on to 2 enemy that none of this had actually been officially sanctioned and this is all that was left I do not

believe you show me your split show me your mumbo jumbo

today has not been a good day [Music] oh I don't know I reckon some things has

worked out okay [Music]

but I need a bit more to go on than that pal oh right sorry two pints two white

wines actually what's that that

it's sort of a posh mint Le q*eer it's not party all-inclusive mind ten Bubba sh*t this for special occasions really

every day is a special occasion I don't want it just one glass happy to

stretch my overdraft a little one glass Warner we're celebrating celebrating what you're going completely round the

bloody twist celebrating Life Sharing celebrating life ah I can't take it I

can't actually take it hey what's this one it's at all not careful with that it's 10 euros

sh*t [Music] I'm sorry soon

[Music] start at the room I'm afraid at least

100 euros oh dear that's a lot isn't it just how stretchy is this overdraft of

yours Billy hey I'll get a Brush and Clean Up never mind that could be worse at least it was only half full

[Music] no it wasn't our family

welcome back there he is oh yes

Sun low right [Music]

where am I looking

I I can't read that

baby [Music]

but I'm gonna find him everybody thank you