05x18 - Bed and Brake Fast

[bunniefuu]

Hey, aren't you Travis Moen?

Uh-huh.

You play for the Anaheim Ducks, right?

Yeah. Thanks for Cool.

Oh, wait. You forgot your cup.

Actually, I'm wearing it. You can never be too careful.

Oh. No, not that cup, the other cup.

Oh. Thanks.

Wow! Is that the Stanley Cup? Can I sit in it?

No. People aren't allowed to sit in the cup.

Ow.

See? You can never be too careful.

Yeah, exactly.

♪ You can tell me that your dog ran away ♪

♪ Then tell me that it took three days ♪

♪ I've heard every joke, I've heard every one you say ♪

♪ You think there's not a lot goin' on ♪

♪ Look closer, Baby, you're so wrong ♪

♪ And that's why you can stay so long ♪

♪ Where there's not a lot goin' on ♪♪

Thanks, Brent. I'll have her back in a couple hours.

No problem.

How come he gets to use your car?

'Cause he brings it back.

Oh, so now there are rules?

More just common courtesies,

like not driving my car out of town,

or not running my car out of gas while you're out of town,

or not having my car towed by the police

to somewhere even farther out of town.

Like I'm the one who didn't put enough gas in it.

Yeah, I shoulda thought of that before I let you take my car without asking.

Fine. Can I borrow No.

See? That's why I don't ask.

Sorry, we have no vacancies.

You're better off. It's a dump.

You come here and drink all the time.

That's how I know it's a dump.

Do you know of anywhere else to stay in town, like a B&B?

Nope. You're screwed.

Just as well. He wanted bucks for this place.

Come to think of it, there is this B&B.

But it's a hundred.

I didn't see you at the silent auction yesterday. It was fun.

I heard you were kinda cheap.

Just because you wrap something in cellophane

does not make it worth $.

Remember, it's for charity.

Yeah, I know what a silent auction is.

I'm just saying people are gettin' ripped off.

I outbid everyone on Handyman For a Day. How cheap can I be?

Hey, Lacey.

Thanks for biddin' on my handyman thing last night.

You bid on Hank? How much did you pay for that?

What I paid is not important. It's for charity.

Ten bucks. I didn't think it would go that high,

but Lacey and I got into a biddin' w*r.

You bid on yourself,

Yeah, I wanted some stuff done around my house,

but I couldn't afford me. I'll swing by later.

Yeah, sounds good.

Wow. That's cheap.

Hey, you'll never guess who I just ran into, just now.

You're right. I can't guess and I'll never care to guess.

My old buddy.

He was drivin' through town with his wife

and I said they could stay here, with us.

What buddy? My old buddy.

Mr. Johnson and his wife. Mr. Johnson?

Well, we don't call him that, because he's a buddy.

Buddy Johnson, we call him.

I don't remember Buddy Johnson.

You know, from camp, from like a long time ago,

from childhood, from childhood camp.

From camp?

Now you're gettin' it.

I don't want to alarm you, but someone cleaned your car.

How do you know it wasn't me?

I saw Davis cleaning it.

Touché. Well, he borrowed it, so he cleaned it.

He even filled the t*nk.

Goody Two Shoes.

I don't care if Goody's got five shoes.

He doesn't leave a melted ice cream cone on my seat.

I told my kid to leave it under the seat. He never listens.

Why is Davis the only one who takes care of my car?

I take care of your car. Remember the time I cleaned ice cream off the seat?

Okay. I just want a few pictures up.

The first one I want in the bathroom, here.

Hey, your grout's comin' off, huh? I don't know.

I want you to put the picture here.

You should get that fixed before water gets in and rots the drywall.

You know how to do that? Yeah, sure.

You're not just gonna smash the sink with a hammer or something?

Why? Your sink need hammerin'?

No. Forget I said that.

If you can fix the grout or whatever that's called, that'd be great.

Then I want you to put the picture right here.

Yeah, you bet. Pass me the hammer.

For the picture.

Your tail light was out, so I got ya a new one.

Thanks. Some people borrow your car

and never even think to replace the tail lights.

Some people own your car and never think to do that.

Well, I know it's an inconvenience, and you're really helpin' me out.

You bet, buddy. That's what friends are for.

Get a room.

Oh!

I just pictured that.

Okay, all done.

LACEY: Wow, that was fast.

Yeah. Takin' 'em off's pretty easy.

Now puttin' 'em on, that's where the real work starts.

Okay.

See ya later.

Aren't you gonna finish? You've only been here minutes.

. But that's all the time I have.

Where are ya going?

Hey, I don't delve into your personal life.

Oh, this fell out of your drawer.

You-you said, "Handyman For a Day." That's like eight hours.

Yeah, not in a row.

By the way, you're out of cough medicine.

Hey, hey, hey, there, Johnsons.

Welcome to our humble little commode.

This is Emma. Hi.

And what was your name, again?

Hey, hey, Buddy.

He's a great kidder or my name's not Oscar Leroy.

Oscar, right.

Oh, you look vaguely familiar. Oh, Steve gets that a lot.

Steve? Oh, sure, Steve's his real name, but I call him Buddy, for kicks.

Well, we should show Steve and her upstairs

where they're sleepin'.

When you get settled, come on down. We'll feed ya lunch.

Is that included?

Yeah.

Bonus.

Hey, Brent, look behind you.

Yeah? Okay?

You're goin' kinda slow.

Well, it's the end of the day and no one's around.

[chuckles] Well, move over, Gramps, and make room for the living.

Who-whose grandma is what? What's happening?

Aw, crap.

Your wife seems a little confused about the arrangement.

Well, just between you and me, she has a little hobby.

Anyway, extra for lunch.

But she said--

Three beers in, she'll say anything.

Quisling!

What's a quisling?

It's like a lowlife greasy snitcho.

Geez, I prefer quisling. What are ya talkin' about?

I'm talkin' about Davis usin' your car as a ghost car.

Ghost car? Cool.

Not cool. $ not cool.

My car did that?

I can't believe you can be bought so easily.

Fix tail light here, carwash there, and boom,

you're a two-faced ratfink.

I preferred quinzig, or whatever you said before.

What are you doing?

Trickin' people and givin' 'em tickets.

You can't use Brent's car for that.

You're just jealous.

[sniffs]

Why do the seats smell like vanilla?

Believe me, it's worth it.

When I'm in Brent's car, people completely ignore me.

If you want that, just go to a party.

In the ghost car?

Now I'm ignoring you. See? It works.

Oh, hey, Lacey.

I had minutes come free, thought I'd fix your fridge.

There was nothing wrong with it.

Well, the light's broke.

So you took off the door?

No. I came down to get a drink and the door was loose,

I took it off, fixed the hinge, and then the door fell, broke the light.

I didn't know You fixed the tiles, right?

No, no. The fridge took up my whole time. I gotta go.

I'll have a new hinge for ya tomorrow.

That's just great. And thank you for eating all my food,

because that'll keep it from going bad.

I do what I can.

Oh, I had a nice chat with your mom.

Oh, my mom called?

No, I called her. The number was on the fridge.

You know, she misses you.

Oh, hi there. Care for a beer?

Ah, no thanks.

Oh, well, more for me.

We just wanted to know what time breakfast was tomorrow.

Oh, whenever we get up, I guess.

That's a lot more laid back than most places, but okay.

What do you mean most places?

Well, we've stayed at a lot of B&Bs.

Oh, me too. But what's that got to do with any--oh, my God.

What did my husband tell you?

$ a night. Is it more?

As much as I appreciate you polishing the tires

and the new hubcaps,

oh and rolling the change in the ashtray,

I don't want you using my car as a ghost car.

But your car did great work today. It's a hero.

It's like a Super Car.

Don't try buttering me up by giving it a name.

I'm not gonna be part of your scheme.

Okay. But if you change your mind, let me know.

By the way, your left speaker's cutting in and out.

I could fix it for ya.

[rock music on radio]

Don't lose him.

You're not gonna outrun us, Speedy.

Can you do the honours?

With pleasure.

Speakers sound great, by the way.

Super Car's never sounded so good.

♪

That Buddy Johnson sure has some crazy stories, huh?

Oh, yeah, a real nut job.

Like when he first met ya at the hotel bar.

Eh, is that where we met?

It's so long ago I can barely remember.

I bet it seems like just yesterday.

Yeah. I gotta go.

How could you tell two complete strangers this was a B&B?

Was it so wrong of me to make $ a night, for us?

It was when they paid twice that much.

They told you a hundred?

Not surprising. They both like to-- Stop it.

I can't believe you were stupid enough to try

and pull a stunt like this.

Oh, fine. I'll get rid of them.

No, you'll make up the other room and get some more guests.

A hundred bucks is a hundred bucks.

So, how's it goin' with Hank?

Oh, great. I am really gettin' my money's worth.

All dollars?

Oh, yeah. He is there all of the time.

Hank.

What? I can't work on an empty stomach.

Tiles, now.

Yep. He's done some amazing things with my house.

My fridge, my tiles.

Really? I wonder if he could fix a sink.

Oh, I know he could. And you know what?

I'm gonna be kickin' myself later, but I have a few

extra hours left with him and, you know, if you wanted--

I'll have to check out the work first.

Oh, I wouldn't have it any other way.

I'll come by tomorrow. Well, maybe not tomorrow.

Okay, forget it.

Okay, fine. Tomorrow's fine, even late.

It's best late.

Well, time for another shift with Super Car.

[whistles]

[engine starts]

CAR [British accent]: Hello, Brent. You look handsome today.

You're not overweight at all.

You should have another dessert.

Now snap out of it.

WANDA: Snap out of it.

Why were you talking in a British accent?

Never mind. I'm goin' for dessert.

So a hundred bucks a night, includes a/c and colour TV.

Or for the same price you could stay at a cozy prairie getaway

just down the road, home cooking,

recent newspapers, electric fans.

That sounds quaint. I didn't know there was a B&B here.

Neither did I.

It's not just a B&B. You get breakfast too.

Whoo!

So, who'd we get today?

Oh, Super Car was hot today.

You wouldn't believe the characters I stopped.

Hey, Travis Moen of the Anaheim Ducks!

You know, you were doin' in a ?

Sorry. But I only get one day to show all my friends back home the cup.

Maybe you could give me two minutes in the penalty box?

[laughs] Good one.

Here's an $ ticket.

I suppose I should get Super Car back to the Super Cave.

You mean your garage?

Hey, don't give away the secret location.

Pretty good, huh?

It's not great, but, uh, good for Hank.

Well, even people other than Hank.

You know, some parts are very tricky,

he was, he was telling me.

It's quite neat, isn't it?

Well, it's sad, really, but what the hell, it's free.

I'll give him a sh*t.

Yes!

Why'd you say that so emphatically?

Oh, I'm just so happy for Hank.

You know, he worked very long and hard on this.

Watch it! Super Car comin through!

[honking]

Move over, Wanda. Super Car.

[honking]

Care to do the honours? Let's roll.

Whoo hoo!

Chalk one up for the Wanda Wagon.

Wanda Wagon?

Wanda Rocket? Dollard Dragster?

Ultra Fast Crook Catching, Crime Stopping...

Uh, whatever. Just pay the ticket, Hotrod.

Emma, that was delicious.

Thank you. It was my pleasure.

Oh, leave those. Oscar will get the dishes.

Why me?

Because you haven't earned your bucks yet.

Now, let's retire to the living room for some checkers.

Or maybe sharrods? ("charades")

Oh. Oh, how delightful!

Soap's under the sink.

That's that metal thing that holds water.

[sarcastically] Oh, how delightful.

I don't know what's wrong, but it's been leaking for days.

Hmm. Well, there's your problem. It's not supposed to leak.

Yeah, I kinda figured that. Can you fix it?

Totally. Let me get my hammer.

Well, it's no Super Car.

Oh, yeah?

tickets yesterday.

You wouldn't believe the riffraff we caught.

You know I'm a Stanley Cup champ, right?

Autograph this.

That's beginner's luck. Super Car just had an off day.

Oh, yeah?

Well, Super Car's about to be blown away by the Viper Wagon.

[laughing] The Viper Wagon? That's lame.

Yeah. You might as well call it Super Car.

[laughs]

I just wanted to thank you for Hank.

He did a great job on my sink.

Oh, good. Really?

Yeah. No fires, no floods.

The new faucet's working great.

Wow. Neat.

You seem surprised.

Oh. No, I, um,

I'm just surprised because you're so happy.

You know, because unlike me, you were a little reluctant to use him.

Yeah, I guess I was.

But thanks to your recommendation, it all worked out.

Wow. Neat.

It's good to see it firsthand so I can tell Hank what a great job he did.

Well, as you can see, he did a good job.

Mmm. It's neat.

You missed a great game of Pictionary.

Darn.

That's my magazine.

Oh, would you pass me that remote, please?

Why?

Oh, we're gonna watch TV.

Yeah? So am I.

Oh, well, then, we can watch together. Tennis is on.

Oh, goody, tennis.

Do you like tennis?

Almost as much as "sharrods."

Hey, Davis, I thought we could take Super Car out and--

What's goin' on?

Look, we had some laughs, but it's time to move on.,

Everybody knows your car now.

So you're usin' Fitzy's car.

I prefer the term Fitzymobile.

Well, well, well.

It looks like Super Car isn't so super anymore.

Looks like it's back to bein' the old Brent's... bus,

the old Leroy... Loser.

Hah.

You said we were gonna get new mud flaps.

I said a lotta things.

How come you did such a good job at Karen's?

I guess I got on a roll fixin' that stuff at your place.

You didn't fix anything at my place.

I'm not finished. I still got a couple hours left.

I want you to put up those pictures

I asked you do in the first place.

Okay, grouchy.

Man, your mom was right about you.

And you know your antennae, I'll get that fixed.

But what about the Viper Wagon?

You heard her, pipsqueak. She's using my car.

Okay. So the picture goes right here.

Who fixed your tub?

Me. I had to. You didn't have the time.

So you reconnected all the pipes back there?

There's pipes?

It's gonna take me the rest of your handyman time just to fix this.

What about the shower?

Nah, I just had one at Karen's.

Besides, yours has gotta stay off till tomorrow.

What the hell is this crap?

Mrs. Watson's a vegetarian.

I want meat.

Not tonight.

Ah, to hell with this.

Nut munchers.

Leavin' their wet towels everywhere.

I can't stand B&B people. They treat this place like a hotel.

Thanks to you.

Well, I'm kickin' them out.

Nobody uses my TV to watch tennis.

These are our guests, paying guests.

If anyone's leaving, it's you.

Oh. We'll see about that.

? Prices just went up.

But there's a cozy B&B down the road.

Thanks for the ride.

Karen brought the Viper Wagon back on empty

and then she dumped me.

I feel used and dirty.

Who needs the cops, anyway?

I do. I don't have any gas till next payday.

Sorry, but it looks like the old Cop Coupe wins the day.

Cop Coupe?

What? That's a good name.

Hey. I just need to crash for the night

while Hank fixes my place.

Sorry, we're full up.

MRS. JOHNSON: But you'll have to come back. It's a wonderful B&B.

B&B.

It's nothing. They like to, you know?

I didn't know you were running a B&B.

This is a registered B&B, isn't it?

Okay. Well, see ya, Lacey.

Now that you mention it, it wasn't in the book.

Oh, my God. We're just staying in someone's house.

It was good enough for ya when you were

paying a hundred bucks a night.

Which we'll need back, since you lied to us.

Oh. Well, does that mean there's room for me now?

Hi, Oscar.

Don't hog the bathroom, Princess.

Hey, where are you going with my dollar sign bag?

I'm stealing it.

Now get out of my way before you get hurt.

Okay. All right. Take it easy. I don't want any--

Haaii-yaah! Haaii-yaah!

CAR: Watch out, Brent. There's another one behind you.

I see that, Super Car.

Maybe you could deafen him with a super horn honk.

I'll try. And Wanda's trying to get you to snap out of it.

Yeah? Well, too bad for her. This is my daydream.

I'll snap out of when I want to.

Haaii-yaah!

♪ I don't know the same things you don't know ♪

♪ I don't know I just don't know ♪

♪ It's a great big place ♪

♪ full of nothin' but space ♪

♪ and it's my happy place ♪

♪ I don't know Yes you do ♪

♪ You just won't admit it ♪

♪ I don't know ♪