06x07 - Van Nuys Division: Pete's Mustache

[bunniefuu]

FEMALE DISPATCHER ON RADIO: One-Adam-. One-Adam-,

a in progress.

One-Adam-, handle code .

[SIREN WAILING]

Hey, Pete. How was the vacation?

MALLOY: Great.

What is that?

It's called a mustache, Mac.

Oh. Well, it's your face.

But remember regulations, you can't let it grow below the top of your lip.

Better keep an eye on it.

Mac, I won't let it out of my sight.

-Hi, Pete. Welcome back to the salt mine. -Thanks.

Hey, how about that! A cookie duster!

-Hi, Reed. -Hi, Woods.

All right, who are you? And what are you doing in Pete Malloy's locker?

Pete, you mind if I ask a question?

You're gonna ask it anyway, so go ahead.

Since when did you decide you wanted to look like Groucho Marx?

You know, Burt Reynolds has a mustache, too.

[CHUCKLING] Yeah, I'm sorry, partner, but I call 'em as I see 'em.

-How long you been growing that, anyway? -Two weeks.

That long, huh? Sure doesn't look like it.

Hey, you know, I grew a mustache once in college.

I looked like Yosemite Sam.

[CHUCKLING]

[PLANE ENGINE SPUTTERING]

Looks like he's gonna crash.

-I hope he misses the playground. -[SIREN WAILING]

REED: One Adam-, requesting clear frequency.

FEMALE DISPATCHER: All units on frequency one stand by,

One-Adam-, go ahead.

We have a light plane down in the Sepulveda Basin, northwest of the dam.

We've lost visual contact, request assistance from Air-.

FEMALE DISPATCHER: One-Adam-, roger. Air-. Air-.

One-Adam-, roger.

PILOT:What's your location, Adam-?

We're on Burbank Boulevard, west of Sepulveda.

All right, I'm over Burbank Boulevard now, heading south-west.

Roger.

PILOT:I have your downer, Adam-.

He's in the wash near the equestrian trail,

about half a mile in from the Burbank gate.

-You copy? -One-Adam-, roger.

He's right below me, no sign of any movement down there.

Roger, Air-. Have you requested an ambulance and a fire unit?

Roger, Adam-. They're en route.

[SIREN WAILING]

[HELICOPTER WHIRRING]

PILOT: Another yards and you've got him, Adam-.

Roger, Air-. Thanks for assistance.

[PETROL TRICKLING]

It's okay.

It's okay, officers.

I just had a little trouble.

Hey! Don't light that!

I said don't light that.

-What is it? -Turn around.

DONALD: Who do you fellows think you are?

Okay, let's go.

Check out the plane.

Pete, there's a kid in here.

Oh, yeah. That's my boy. That's Bobby.

He's all right, just a bump on the head.

I told him to sit tight until I could get help.

He's got a pulse. It's weak.

Pete, I can't find a pulse.

[SIREN APPROACHING]

Respirator!

Officer, he...

He's gonna be all right, isn't he?

If he is, you can thank them.

I want to see your pilot's license and your flight log.

-All that stuff's in the plane. -I'll get it.

-Everything's in there. -You open it, the license first.

Here.

And what are they doing?

You know, if anything happens to him, I'm gonna sue.

I'll sue you, and everybody.

, Broadmoor, Bakersfield. Is that your current address?

Yeah, yeah.

Got a heartbeat. Slow but strong.

What time did you leave Bakersfield, Whorton?

I don't remember that. It's in the log.

Where are they taking him?

Foothill Emergency Hospital.

-I've gotta go with him. -The place you're going, Mr. Whorton, is jail.

What's the charge?

Why don't we start with flying an airplane under the influence of alcohol?

We can talk about child endangering later.

That was a good sandwich. We should eat there more often.

Okay.

But now that you've got the mustache,

you're gonna have to change your menu.

What's the mustache got to do with my eating habits?

Well, for one thing, you're gonna have to stop eating egg salad sandwiches.

Very funny.

FEMALE DISPATCHER: One-Adam-. One-Adam-, see the man.

, Kenmore.

One-Adam-, roger.

[DOORBELL RINGING]

Oh, right in, officers.

Thank you very much for coming.

I'm Stuart Noland.

My name's Malloy and this is Officer Reed.

Glad to know you.

-Can I fix you something? -No, thank you.

You reported a burglary?

Yes, I'm a stamp collector. My specialty is antique stamps.

My album's right over here.

A man called me today who was interested in doing some trading.

I checked this album, I discovered some stamps were missing.

How many?

Only three. But they're quite rare.

Their combined value is well over $,.

Do you know how the thief got in?

That's the strange part of it.

I've checked all over and I can't find any sign of break in.

How long has it been since you've seen the stamps?

Why, I see the album every day. I keep it in my desk.

No, not the album, the three missing stamps.

Oh, maybe a couple of months.

What're you driving at?

-Reno West? -Yeah, could be.

What are you talking about?

We have a skilled burglar whose M.O. fits this crime exactly.

He's called "Take a little, leave a little."

For example, he only took three stamps.

What you're saying then,

this burglary could have taken place anytime during the past two months?

That's right. If you hadn't been looking for the stamps today,

you still wouldn't know they were missing. A thief counts on that.

I see.

We'll need a more detailed description of the stamps for our report.

Okay.

It's only a mustache, Jim. It's nothing unusual these days.

Well, that's the point, Pete, somehow it just doesn't go with you.

Yeah, well, having a mustache doesn't change a guy's whole personality.

I don't know, partner, I'd watch it if I were you.

Some people just don't trust a guy with a mustache.

They trusted Lincoln.

Wait a minute, Pete, Lincoln didn't have a mustache.

Sure he did. A great big one.

No, he didn't. See?

Never trust a man with a mustache.

[BEEPING]

MALE DISPATCHER: All units in the vicinity of One-Adam-,

a in progress.

At the jewelers. , Tamarind.

-[SIREN WAILING] -One-Adam-, handle code .

One-Adam-, roger.

FEMALE DISPATCHER: One-X-Ray-.

One-X-Ray-, back up One-Adam- on the call, code .

, Tamarind.

He went out the back way, through the service alley.

-How long ago? -Five or minutes ago.

Officer, what's he doing? Aren't you going to try and catch him?

We need a description.

He could be miles away by now.

That's right. So, the best way to catch him is to get

so that every police car on the street will be looking for him.

Oh, yes.

I'd say he was five-foot-eight, nine.

Weighed about... Oh, I'd say pounds.

He was wearing a brown suit, he was white.

-Oh, yeah, he had a beard. -What about a car?

His car? I didn't see his car. He ran out the back

and took off like the place was gonna blow up.

-Was he armed? -MARVIN: He sure was.

I don't know what kind of g*n it was, officer,

but I can tell you, he had it pointed at my chest the whole time.

Were you here when the robbery occurred, ma'am?

Yes.

I'm Jacqueline Carey. I was picking out some earrings when he came.

Mr. Weber knows me, I've shopped here before.

That's right, Miss Carey is a very good customer.

I'd like to ask you some questions later.

That's all right. I don't mind getting involved.

Thank you.

Sixty thousand dollars in diamonds.

Can you give add anything to the hold-up man's description, Mr. Weber?

I can even tell you his name.

-You know him? -Yeah.

He came in last week and bought a ruby pendant. $,.

And he paid cash. That's when I should have got suspicious.

Why?

Because that's when he told me he was looking for a birthday present.

A ring. Had to be three karats at least.

Well, I don't keep that kind of merchandise in this store.

So you had to order it from downtown.

Of course. On consignment.

He'd pick the one he wanted, and I'd send the rest back.

How many rings did he get?

Seven. Every one a real gem.

I could kick myself. It's an old trick.

You said you could give us his name.

He gave me his business card. Business...

Here it is.

Has his name and address on it, probably phony.

Just like his beard.

That's him, like a picture! That's him.

That's good. That'll be very helpful.

No, it won't, but this one might.

His face hair was artificial. I spotted it the minute he came in.

A good match to his own hair color, too good.

A man's beard very rarely matches the hair on his head.

Anything else?

Yes, his weight was about , you can see by the sketch he's heavy-boned.

You sound like an authority.

I make a living at it.

I work for a film studio art department.

When we're doing a period piece,

the make-up department asks us to do up sketches of the actors,

to get an idea of how they look in hair styles of the period.

Sounds like interesting work.

It is.

Some men can't wear a mustache?

Their faces just aren't built for it.

But on a face like yours, though, officer,

a mustache adds an air of distinction.

Can we keep the sketches, ma'am?

Yes, of course.

My studio and my home phone are on the back of the pad.

Just call me anytime.

Thank you, we appreciate that. You've been a big help.

I told you, I'm a citizen who doesn't mind getting involved.

Oh, excuse me.

Thank you, Ms. Carey. Thank you very much.

Why don't we get this report finished and then hit the street?

-What time you got? -Four after.

I got after. You sure about that?

Trust me.

One-Adam- requesting time check.

FEMALE DISPATCHER: One-Adam-, :.

What does she know? She's probably got a mustache too.

[PERSISTENT HONKING]

Sounds like it's over there.

[HONKING GETS LOUDER]

Arrest that man! Don't let him get away.

What did he do?

I was stopped at a traffic light

and I had my purse on the seat beside me.

And that man reached in through the open window and tried to grab it.

But I was too fast for him.

I grabbed his arm and held it onto it

until I could put the electric window up on my side of the car.

Where were you taking him?

To the police station, of course.

That's four miles from here.

[CHUCKLES] I know.

You decided how long you're gonna keep that?

Yeah. Forever.

That long, huh?

You're gonna have to buy some special trimming shears.

Yeah, I know.

-And a little comb. -Probably.

And you're gonna have to have a new picture taken for your I.D. badge.

Jim, don't pull your punches. If you don't like my mustache, just say so.

I wouldn't do that, Pete. We're friends.

FEMALE DISPATCHER: One-Adam-. One-Adam-.

See the security guard holding a suspect,

, South Melrose.

One-Adam-, roger.

I'm going to sue him. I'm going to sue him and this store.

You just write that down.

Also write down that I'm gonna sue you for false arrest.

Take it easy, ma'am, nobody's been arrested yet.

You're splitting hairs.

I call detaining anybody against their will arrested.

And that's unconstitutional!

Except in n*zi Germany.

I spotted her at the leather goods counter.

She slipped a wallet into her handbag.

Since when is it against the law

to open and shut a handbag in a department store?

You'd go broke if people didn't open and shut their handbags in your store!

We'd go broke if they kept shoving things in and taking nothing out.

I was gonna pay for it.

Possible?

GUARD: Not when she was halfway down the street.

I was looking for the ladies room and I became confused.

Is that the handbag?

You touch anything in that handbag and I'll have your jobs.

That's it.

-Where's the wallet? -It's still in the handbag.

What's your name?

Greta Garbo, Hollywood. I used to be in the movies.

Seems we can't get a right name from anybody these days.

GUARD: I didn't get her I.D.

I opened her handbag and when I saw what else was in there,

I closed it right back up and waited for you.

You'll be held accountable for every lousy hairpin.

Don't forget, I know how you cops add to your income.

Purse snatchin', that's how.

-What else was in there? -Take a look.

MALLOY: Call the Sergeant.

Thirty-six thousand dollars in $ bills.

-Is that your count, Malloy? -That's right.

Would you mind telling us where you got this money?

Well, I didn't steal it, if that's what you're thinking.

That money's mine.

And don't think I haven't been watching

to see that none of those $ bills stick to your fingers.

How much money was in your bag?

Thirty-six thousand, not a nickel less.

You just saw me count out , and so did two witnesses.

That doesn't leave much to stick to anybody's fingers.

Yeah, well, you just be sure I get back every penny of it back.

If it's yours, you'll get it all back.

But you still haven't answered my question. Where'd you get it?

I want to see a lawyer.

I just talked to her husband.

-He's a bum! -What did he say?

He said that they had $, in a joint savings account.

They had a fight this morning, she walked out.

Hah! That's an understatement. Walk... I ran!

Twenty-eight years with that creep and I've had it.

I'm a free woman, you got that?

I'm gonna get me something with bounce.

No more slob husband for me.

He also said that their savings book's gone.

That money is mine! Mine, you hear?

Twenty-eight years of back wages

working for a Simon Legree in a three-bedroom sweat shop!

And that doesn't even amount to a minimum wage.

Oh, but I'm gonna sue him for the rest of it, don't you worry.

That is after I sue you!

Where's that shoplift item you picked up on her?

Here it is.

With $, in your purse, why would you shoplift a three-dollar wallet?

I didn't shoplift.

Besides, I had to have something to put my money in.

REED: Pete, what are you doing?

-Looking for Mac. -Why?

That drawing of our suspect was right on.

Oh, yeah?

Brinkman and Walters picked him up this morning on a traffic violation.

They said something about his looks rang a bell.

It was him?

Dead ringer for the copy of the drawing they had.

-With or without the beard? -Without.

He's in there now copping out to the whole thing.

-Let's go take a look. -Hey, wait a minute.

Don't you guys wanna ask me anything?

-What about? -About me.

What about you?

I shaved it off.

Oh, yeah. I didn't even notice it.

Decided it really wasn't your image, huh?

No, I was trimming it this morning first one side,

and then back to the first side,

and by the time I got even and took a look at it,

I decided the world wasn't ready for a red-headed Charlie Chaplin.

[ALL CHUCKLING]

You know something, Pete?

I kind of liked you with the mustache better.