01x15 - Hotel Irritant

[bunniefuu]

[waves crashing]

[music]

Letter to Loratta.

Starring Loratta Young.

[clapping]

Hello.

Tonight, ourdestination is rewarding.

I've always wanted to go there.And tonight I owe this first trip.

To a letter from my newfriend, Ethel Burrows.

Dear Loretta, she says,

I work in the complaintdepartment of a large store,

and I'm sick of thosedemanding, impossible people.

Right now.

I'd like to sh**t a holethrough the head that gave

birth to the idea that thecustomer is always right.

You know what I mean.

Now, my job payswell, and I don't want

to quit, but whatto do? What to do?

Well, Ethel I,

I could suggested to

take a vacation.

or concentrate ontreating everyone

the way you'd likethem to treat you.

But then you'd want toshoot ahole through my

head, wouldn't you?AndI wouldn't blame you.

So instead, let's takethat trip to New Orleans.

[music]

Of course, thereare two New Orleans

The one by night.

And the new Orleans by day.

Mondays may exactthe Monday morning of

a very busy week atthe Le Franz Hotel.

[music]

Good afternoon.

Good afternoon ma'am.

You have a reservationfor me? Sally Webster.

-Webster?-That's right.

Did you write or phonein for your reservation?

I wrote a letterearly in December.

Oh, thanks heaven. Igot a confirmation from

your manager about aweek later. There you are.

Thank you.

Anything wrong?

Ah, no Ms. Webster.

Well, perhaps if youchecked it with your manager.

Well, I am the managerand the new manager.This

letter is from Mr.Howard,my predecessor.

-Oh.-Would you excuse me, please?

Yes, sure.

Look at this letter

it's confirmation for a suite.

How could this possiblyhappen in this week of all times?

She wants a suite?

Why we don't even have a broom closet.

Vincent.

Captain, would you pleasetake Ms.Webster's things to ?

Oh, thank you.

I hope you have a pleasantvisit with us, Ms. Webster.

And if there's anything we cando for you please let us know.

Oh, thank you.

By the way, I believe you havesome mail for me. And a package.

Mail?Yes.

Yes, Mr. Vincent. Is there mailor package for Ms. Webster?

No, nothing.

But there must be.I airmailed the package myself

over a week ago, and I knowthere's some letters there.

You're sure Mr.?

Yes Positive.

Well, you might at least look.

Those letters arevery important.

I know, miss, that I'veseen nothing for you.

[music]

Then I would suggest that youchecked your staff thoroughly.

Package was insuredfor seven hundred dollars.

Ms.Webster, we'lldo everything we can.

Thank you.

[music]

Mr.Ralston, please

Mr.Ralston.

this is Miss Webster in . Icalled to invite you up for tea.

Oh, well, that's too bad,

Because I wanted to findout if you had anything in

mind in the line ofentertainment for me this week.

Yes, I can imaginehow busy you are.

But surely you could get awayforone cup of tea, couldn't you?

Oh, that's good.

And I'll see you presently.

Thank you.

[putting down the telephone]

Room service, please.

A room service? Thisis Ms.Webster in .

Would you please send upsome hot chocolate for two?

That's right. Andsome French pastries.

Thank you.

[putting down the telephone]

[door knocking]

[music]

-Mr. Ralston I'll come right in.-Thank you ma'am.

How nice of you to come up.

Well, it was nice ofyou to ask me. I'm

sorry I can just stayfor a minute but the

hotel is full, as youmight guess and

there are all kindsof things to attend to.

Oh, my, I can tellyou work too hard.

What you need is adrink. I'll cancel the tea.

Well, no, thank you, ma'am.The tea will be just fine.

- Thank you.- Oh.

Oh, are you surea good, stiff drink

wouldn't sort ofease things up a little?

I never drink while I'm on duty,Ms. Webster. Thank you, though.

Oh, well.

Alright.

In that case I'llstick to tea too.

Come over here. Sit down by me.

[music]

Now, tell me all about yourself.

Well.

Are those gray streaks natural?

I beg your pardon?

Oh, your gray streaks in yourhair. They're so desperately

attractive. I just wondered ifyou touched them up a little.

Certainly not ma'am.

Oh.

Just mother nature.

And her best.

[laugh]

Never mind.

You were born righthere in the south,

of course. Righthere in New Orleans?

Yes, I was. Well, not exactlyright here in New Orleans.

Just outside New Orleans,on my family's plantation.

On a plantation?

Oh, how romantic.

I think the boys forgotto open the windows.

It seemed a little hot in here.

Don't you find it abit warm in here?

I thought it was just right

[music]

[laugh]

You mean to tellme that you have

a plantation and thatyou don't live on it?

Well, unfortunately, I find it muchtoo expensive to keep up for it.

Oh, well, in that case,why don't you stop it?

Then at least youwouldn't have to work here.

I have other plansfor it, ma'am. And

as far as my job here goes I findit very pleasant most of the time.

Yes, I suppose so. I suppose thisjob does have endless possibilities.

Well, you must meet lots ofrich women in a holiday mood.

I'm afraid, MissWebster, I'm going to have

to be terribly rudeand ask you to excuse

oh, but you see, I'vealready ordered a tea.

-Well, I'm sorry. But-by the way,

if the service in this hotelwas all it was supposed

to be that tea shouldhave been here by now.

[door knocking]

Oh.

Saved by the bell.

Or should I say knock.

[laugh]

[music]

Come over and sit by me again.

[music]

Well, now, Ms.Webster,wasn't this well worth waiting for?

[music]

waiter,

I ordered tea and sandwiches.

I'm sorry, but I'm sure you orderedchocolate and French pastries.

No I didn't.

It is written right there.

Well, I don't carewhat it says right there.

I never eat French pastries,and I dislike chocolate

in any form. I never eatit. I can't. It makes me itch.

I'm sorry, ma'am,but I was sure that

I was sure that you'resorry, but I know what I order.

Excuse me ma'am.

Please bring Mr. Webster her tea.

Once more we seem tohave failed you, ma'am.

Now I'm reallyashamed to say I'm sorry.

never mind.

It doesn't matter anyway.

You're very kind. NowI must excuse myself.

But wait a minute. I haven't learnedone thing about the Montegro.

-Perhaps tomorrow.-Oh.

May, well.

Oh, waiter.

Just a Minute.

There you are.

-Five dollars?-Yes.

And forget about the tea huh.

Yes, ma'am.

Oh, wait a minute.

[music]

Wonderful. Just leave them.

Thank you.

[music]

Hi.

-Ms. Webster, good evening.-Good evening.

Quite a get up you've got on.

You going on a haywide?

No, ma'am, I'm offduty here and I'm on my

way out to my placeto have a look around.

Oh, off duty here

and now it's wholecorn dictator time.

Yes.

Well, you certainly havea lovely evening for it.

Yes, it is nice, isn't it,

Mr. Ralston.

I've never seen a real plantation.

I really would loveto see your plants.

Well, now, you're morethan welcome to ride out with me.

I'm afraid itwon't be very exciting.

Relatively speaking. It'sbound to be more exciting than

sitting here in this dark cornerall evening, wouldn't you say?

Yes ma'am.

-My car is right over this way.-Thanks.

[music]

Someday I'm goingto see the place exactly

as it was in my greatgrandfather's day.

Must have seemedlike another world and.

It's going to be that way again.

[laugh]

What are you going to do? Rob abank or embezzle from the hotel?

[laugh]

Neither. But you're right. No oneman can afford to do it for himself.

That's why I hope to interestMr. Easton in buying the place.

Now, with his money, I canrestore it.

And rather, there'sa guest house in

connection with theLa France in town.

I know that if I canbring him here, he'll

see the commercialpossibilities in the place.

Sorry, I got carried away.

I want to thank you for whiskingme out of my dark corner tonight.

Well, it was my pleasure, ma'am.

Thank you.

Good night.

Good night.

Mr Webster.

There's a ball tomorrownight, ma'am, and

if you're free, I'd likevery much to escort you.

I'd love to go.

Is it a costume block?

-Yes.-How exciting.

I'll call the costume man in the

morning and makearrangements for you.

Do you mean to tell me you're evengoing to pick out my costume for me.

-Well, if you like.-I do like,

and I think it's wonderful service.

Thank you.

Goodnight.

Goodnight.

Mr. Webster

yeah.

May I tell them atthe desk what time

to ring you in themorning, ma'am?

say,

aren't you still off duty?

Yes.

Well, then, wouldn't you liketo come in for a little nightcap?

Miss. Webster.

As you know, here in the hotelwe have rules that gentlemen

are not permitted in ladiesroom after a certain hour.

Well, if you leave thedoor open. Then are.

Yeah.

Good, then come on here.

Miss Webster, I'm sorry, but

well, I have some reportsthat I have to fill out still.

Oh.

Alright.

Good night.

Good night ma'am.

Wow, Mr. Rolston,you sure got to carry me.

[music]

Good morning Mr. Vincent.

Well, good morning Ms. Webster

Do you find my mail?

No, Ms. Webster.

Don't worry aboutit. It's all right.

It's a lovely morning, isn't it?

Yes, it certainly is.

Good morning.

It must be.

Ms. Webster just stopped byand she seemed quite normal.

You know she's alady of many moods.

Do you think she's entirely well?

What do you mean?

[laugh] You know.

Well I certainlyhope so. I invited

her to go to theball with me tonight.

Newton.

That was a mistake

Oh, I don't think so. You know,there are times when she's really

Very sweet.

[music]

How do you ought to paint yourglasses? The king goes on the queen

yes, as well as mine.

Dearie. The king of spadesgoes on the queen of spades.

Yes, I know. Miss.

Webster. Sally Webster.

Ms. Webster, did you knowthey call this game solitaire

meaning played by one

Yes, I know. Iplay it all the time.

Now, look here. Thedisc goes there, the

seven on top, theeight on top, and the

king of spades onthe queen of spades.

And then you turnthis one over like that.

Yes, I see.yeah but that

Yeah, but that's where you'resupposed to play the card

supposed to play the guy Ithink I find it back to think about

I find the nicestthing about solitary is

that you can play itany way you choose.

Oh.

You can make up your own rules. Youcan even cheat if you have a mind.

Well, I always say, everyman to his own taste.

Oh I see another move.

I'm sure they have manydecks of cards at the desk.

Why don't you get a packand play a game for yourself?

No, thanks. I hate cards.

This goes rightup there, see? And

then you turn thisover just like this.

-Will you please?-What?

I find your constantinterruption very

annoying. Will youplease go away?

Well, you don't have to be rude.

Well, evidently I do, tomake you understand.

Well.

I like that.

This hotel used tobe much more careful

about who it'sselected as his guest.

And just what you mean by that?

I've been coming tothis hotel for years and

I have never beensubjected to a scene like that.

- Good morning--- Mr. Rolstan.

This woman just insultedme. She just told me I was

the worst guest you'vehad in this hotel for years.

What Mrs. Logan?

I didn't say that. ButI'm afraid it's true.

There, she just did it again.

What seems to be the trouble?

Well, she just got outon the wrong side of the

bed, that's all I can say.

I was playing a game ofsolitaire when this young

lady insisted upon joiningme. I greatly appreciated,

Mr. Rolston, if you couldmake her understand that I do

not find her company agreeableto me now or in the future.

Well, I was only tryingto help the poor old girl.

Now, Ms. Webster, I am surethere are more cards at the desk.

But I don't want to play cards.

Would you please excuse me?

I'm awfully sorry that this hadto happen, Mrs. Logan. And

I assure you it won't happenagain. Will it, Miss Webster?

I should say not.

I know when I'm not warned.

I wanted your stay to beespecially nice this visit.

Well, I can hardly blameyou. Mr. Ralston. But I do think

you could check your guestlist a little more carefully.

Now, look here, lady.

Miss. Webster, I'm sure you didn'tmean to annoy Ms. Logan, did you?

No, of course Ididn't. I'm very sorry.

Good morning.

I don't understand you.

I just don'tunderstand you at all.

You behave like you takeevil pills or something.

You go along being your owncharming self, and then all of a

sudden, you take a pill and then,wham, everything goes wrong.

Oh.

Miss. Webster. I'm sorry, man. I

didn't mean totalk to you like that.

You need to be.

What?

Well, you were justdoing your job, that's all.

I was out of line. You put me trade.

The harmony of thishotel is your responsibility.

-Yes.-Our jobs aren't always

pleasant, are they?

Of course, it's easy to benice when the job is pleasant.

But the difficulttask is to remain

nice when the jobis not so pleasant.

huh?

Well, I better get upto my room. You know,

they're deliveringmy costume in a few

minutes and I'm justdying to see what you

picked out for me.Goodbye. I'll see you later huh.

After all, our jobs are notalways pleasant, are they?

It's easy to be nice whenthe job is pleasant. Now, the

difficult task is to remain nicewhen a job is not so pleasant.

[snapping]

[music]

When the job is pleasant.But the difficult task

is to remain nice whenthe job's not so pleasant.

Why, Miss Webster,you're nothing but a snooper.

What's that do?

Ms. Webster. She's nothingbut a service detective.

She's here checking onour characters and service.

A snooper. A hotel irritant.

Well, that surelyexplains a lot of things.

-It most.-Certainly does.

You watch yourstep with her tonight.

Oh, wow really.

now, Newton.

These mardi grab balls.Get some mighty life.

[music]

[laugh] miss. webster.

did I remember totell you you were the

most beautiful seadevil at that whole ball?

Yes. Yes, you did. Many, many times.

Good. Don't you just

love Mar de Grant?

Yes, I thought itwas a wonderful part.

And don't you just love me?

Mr. Ralston? Aren't youafraid someone might.

-Don't you?-Don't I? What?

Oh, never mind. I guess Iwas too bold or something.

Now honestly.

-If my turn not to understand you.-what for her.

Well, you were perfectlyall right at the ball and

in the car coming homeand well, now look at you.

I guess it was thatlast cafe. The album.

You mean thebrandy that was in it?

Yes. [laugh]

Mr.Ralston.

-You better go to bed.-Oh, it's early.

Yes, it's very earlyin the morning. It's a

quarter of three and Ithink you ought to go

-Really.-What?

May I call you Sally?

Well, not just a minute.

Do you usually call yourguest by their first name?

[laugh] No, of course I don't

Don't say so loud.

You're different,aren't you, Sally?

Good night, Mr. Ralston. Andthank you for a lovely evening.

Good night, ma'am. Ithas been fun, hasn't it?

Your high spirits seem tocome and go, don't they?

They do, don't they? Sortof like your evil att*cks. huh?

Yes.

Good night.

How's about little kiss, Sally?

Oh, no please.

Now put on your mask.Now, who could possibly

object toa piratekiss and a shedevil?

Oh, look, it's very lateand I've got to go to bed.

Oh, no. Why, I'm theonly one who has to

work in the morning.You're on vacation?

Yes I am

But well, you see, Ihave some business

I had to take careof in the morning.

Business? What kind of a businesswould apretty girl like you be in?

Well you see I, I..

Now, don't tell me if you're anatomic spy or something because I'm

not very good atkeeping secrets, are you?

-Oh.-Are you?

Oh yes.

I am very good at keeping secrets.Ye, I bet you are huh?

Well, now, if I kiss you, youwon't tell Mr.Easton, will you?

Good night, Mr. Ralston.

[door opening]

[door closing]

[door knocking]

[door opening]

-Hi.-I said good night to you

downstairs now go away.

Don't you want me tocome in for a little nightcare?

It's time for cereal, not nightcare.

I'm off duty now.

let's live it up a little.

Now, look, you cannotcome in here.You have

rules in this hotel.Youtold me so yourself.

Well, I'll leave the door open.

Mr.Ralston, youcould lose your job

forjust looking ata guest like that.

I could. Could do.

Now, look here, Mr.Ralston, please.

Call me new please.

Now, there lots ofother things I'm going

to call you if youdon't get out of here.

That's no way tospeak to a poor pile.

I'll report you.That'swhat I'll do.

Oh, Sally whill not.

Now, wait a minute. Wait a minute.Just stop and think for a minute.

You'll lose everything.Your job,your dream plantation, everything.

But I don't care. Nothing elseseems to matter now but you.

Wait a minute.I just don'tunderstand you at all, that's all.

Sure you do, honey.

You had me peggedright the first day.

I don't know whatyou're talking about.

This job does haveendless possibilities like you

a rich woman in a holiday mood.

I am not a rich woman. Iam not in a holiday mood.

And you take that glint inyoureye right out for a water.

Oh, let's forgeteverything in rumba.

Oh, stop it.This is serious.

I know it's insane,honey, but it's bigger

than both of us. Sodon't fight it just go.

You're insane.

You're also themanager at this hotel.

And you're no guest.

WHat?

I said, you're no guest honey.

as one employee to another comeon over here sit down and relax.

Well I

I don't know what you mean.

But you're going tolose your job. I know that.

You're a snooper.

An adorable little snooper.You know a hotel irritant.

Alright.

Alright I am.

I am and you know as wellas Ido the job of a hotel irritant.

Now, Mr.Easton is veryinterested in your plantation

and he is waitingright now for my report.

I had a hunch about that.

You did?

But, Sally, the mostimportant thing right now is.

Will you marry me?

Well.

Mr.Ralston and Ihave to think about that.

I have thoughtabout it. Yes, I will.

[laugh]

[music]

Well, Apple,

we've sort of taken youon abusman's holiday, haven't we?

Because Newt's job likeyours has to do with people.

And jobs like people arenever perfect, even as you and I.

So if we deal with them kindlyandconsiderately, we're adding

we're adding something good totheirlives and incidentally to our own.

There's a wonderfulquotation, I think, by

John Dunn. Letme read it to you.

No man is anisland, entire of itself.

Each man is apiece of the continent.

a part of the main.

So from one little cogin the wheel to another.

Goodnight.

See you next week.

[Claping]

Visit Loretta gown again nextweek, same time, same station.

[music]