[twinkling music]
[tuning instruments]
- [Voiceover] One, two.
[upbeat music]
- Back in a few days, love.
All right?
Mind yourself.
And don't get carried away at the shops.
I'm not made of money, you know.
- Of course, love.
Jimmy, you bring that trophy back,
and I'll get a place ready
for it on top of the telly.
- And take it handy with the car.
It's not paid for yet.
Hey, how are you lads?
All right?
- Look good.
- [Voiceover] One, two.
[upbeat, fast-paced music]
- Woah, woah, hold it, hold it.
Woah, woah, woah, woah, hold it.
Hold it.
What the,
you.
Louis f*cking Stronghelm.
- Who, me?
- Yes, you, you pillock.
What the f*cking hell
you think you're doing?
- Playing a tune.
- You were playing jazz.
In case you haven't noticed,
this is a ceili band.
There's no f*cking jazz in ceili music.
Play the tune.
- I was playing the tune.
- No you weren't.
You were playing around the tune.
There's a difference.
Stick to the melody.
- Just adding a bit of spice.
You know.
- It doesn't need spice.
You want spice, go down to a curry house.
Now this is the last
practice we're going to have
before we get in the ferry tonight,
so I would appreciate
a bit of concentration.
It's gonna be rough out there
and I don't just mean the Irish Sea.
The competition is going to be good.
- Sorry, Jim.
- You don't understand, son.
We're not playing games here.
This is serious stuff.
- I just want to play music, Jimmy.
It's all I've ever wanted to do.
- And play music you shall, son.
You're a brilliant musician.
You're one of the best I've ever heard.
But we are not playing jazz.
Leave that to the Beatles.
Right.
From the top maestros.
Clive, are you ready?
- Go on ahead, Jimmy.
I'll be there in a minute.
- Oh, for f*ck's sake.
[upbeat music]
[upbeat music]
- Anne.
- That's grand.
Well, it's a start anyway.
Pint, Patsy, please.
- Right John Joe.
- Beautiful playing, Anne.
- [Pat] John Joe.
- What now, Pat?
- What am I doing wrong?
- You mean apart from
playing the accordion?
- Must be something.
You never remark on my
playing like you do Anne's.
- Well that's because her
music comes from the gods, Pat.
Yours, however, like mine,
is significantly more Earth bound.
No remarks necessary.
- Why do we only play Clare tunes?
Why can't we mix it up a bit?
- Because we're musicians
from County Clare.
[plays accordion]
- Does that mean we're not
going to play any polkas?
- You do and I'll put your balls
in that thing and slap it shut.
Let's just stick to the sets we know.
Leave the carry tunes to the carrymen.
- [Voiceover] Now, John Joe.
- Our stuff was good
enough to win last year.
And it'd be good enough
to win this year, too.
- I heard maybe there's a
band coming from Liverpool
to compete this year.
- Well, then again, maybe there isn't.
♪ Hang on Sloopy, Sloopy hang on ♪
- For f*ck's sake, Tell,
you're not driving your
old man's zimmerframe.
The ferry's gonna leave without us.
Drop the f*cking piano, will ya?
- Hey, hey,
can't chuck the f*cking piano from the van
without telling me.
- Piss off, Roger.
Step on it.
- Be there quicker than you
can say, "Nat's knickers."
- Careful, you'll miss
the turn for the ferry.
- There, there, turn.
[yells]
Knickers.
- Make sure they don't make it on time.
Here's your money.
- Consider it done.
- Hos-gaw label, please.
Large.
[incomprehensible chitchat]
Lads, gents.
Lads.
A moment.
Lads, lads.
Just so you know,
we are going to bring back
something special from this trip.
- Yeah, Teddy's virginity.
Still intact.
[laughs]
- The Irish ceili band trophy.
- [All] Victory.
- Eh, Jimmy.
Do you really think we're gonna win?
- Put it this way, Roger,
if we lose,
you're all walking home.
- Lex.
- What?
- Is he serious?
- About what?
- You know, us walking home if we lose.
- Didn't you bring your
[mumbles inaudibly]?
- Here, puss.
Puss, puss, puss, puss.
Where the cat?
Puss, puss, puss, puss.
Johnny.
Johnny cat.
Where are you?
Come on.
Where are you?
Puss, puss, puss, puss.
Johnny cat.
Hi.
Piss on your own bed, you moldy ower.
[laughs]
- How long's it been?
- On 20 years.
- You're doing well, Finch.
- That's why I left.
Move meself up in the world.
- 20 years.
It's a long time.
- Yeah.
A long time.
- I'll bet nothing's changed.
- Well, we'll see, won't we?
- Want a drink?
- No.
No, I'll just finish this,
put me head down.
But you go ahead, enjoy yourself.
Oh and,
keep an eye on the lads.
Make sure they don't drink too much.
- No problem dear, Jimmy.
They're a good bunch.
- Even so.
Need to be at our best.
You set an example.
- Know what you mean, Jimmy.
Right you are.
- f*cking out.
f*cking [mumbles audio]
- Oh yes.
Everyone gets that after 20
pints, George, don't worry.
- There's nothing any
bloody soap in any of these?
- Oh, Jesus.
- Ugh.
Better you than me.
[gagging noises]
[flute music]
[snoring]
- Morning, lads.
You sleep well?
- Oh, luxurious accommodations, Jimmy.
- Here, I'll have that.
Get yourself another one.
Morning, Rog.
- Morning.
- Sleep?
- Like a baby.
[laughs]
- Rog?
- Mm-hm.
- I rescued these for
you last night, mate.
Member?
- They're not mine.
No.
I got mine.
See.
What's the matter with him?
- Dunno.
[meows]
[calming music]
- Customs, sir.
Pull over there.
- What do you mean, pull over?
- Morning, sir.
- Morning.
- Have you anything to declare?
- No, nothing.
We're just visiting.
- Visiting.
I see.
And, what's the purpose of your visit?
- The all-island finals.
- Football or Hornet?
- Music.
Pillock.
- You would've music and instruments
would ya then, sir?
- Of course, we have instruments.
How the f*ck do you want to play music
without f*cking instruments?
- I'm only doing my job, sir, you see.
We got a report of stolen instruments.
I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you
to unload everything.
- Unload everything?
- That's right, sir.
Everything and if you'd bring it in there.
That's if you don't mind.
- We're f*cked now.
- We'll never get there
in time to register.
- Morning, sir.
- John Joe.
- Tell me you bring good fortune, John.
- Well, I'll let you know, John Joe, huh?
- Ah the creamery, J.
Would have been a long,
dry weekend without it.
- Who do you know in Africa?
- Africa?
Nobody.
- Aye.
- Come on John Joe.
- [Driver] Time to go.
- Better be off.
- Look.
- It's in the bag.
[horn honks]
- I always thought I was
good at getting around
the serve officials, though.
I mean, sure you don't
become a millionaire,
building contractor by not
knowing how to grease palms.
[angry banter]
- All right.
Nearly an hour without at word from you.
What's the matter?
- The usual.
She treats me like some
precious Ming vase.
- She only wants the best for you.
- I'll never meet anyone.
- [laughs] Of course you will.
[low, dramatic music]
- [Man In Car] That's them.
- Do you ever get lonely, John Joe?
Living on your own?
- Lonely, me, no.
Far too busy.
Oh but you know, the farm and the music.
- Yeah, but all the same,
but you never think of
marrying when you were younger?
- When I was younger?
I can hardly remember
what I did last night,
than mind when I was younger.
- Did you never fancy my mom?
You both seem very close.
- Any man would.
She's a beautiful woman.
She passed it on.
- You always say nice things to me.
- Hey, Michael,
we should break the journey.
We have plenty of time.
- [Michael] Right, so.
- [John] Nice to be home again, Jimmy?
- Put it this way, Johnny,
I'll be happy when I'm back on the ferry
with a trophy in me hand.
- Ah, look on the bright side,
it's a sunny day,
we're men of the open road,
with nobody wanting what
time we're gonna be home,
nobody nagging, nobody asking
to be bought chip suppers,
nobody telling you you've
had enough to drink,
nobody...
- Nobody telling you to shut
the f*ck up and watch the road.
Come on, Jimmy Shand.
We have to be there in
time for registration today
and not tomorrow.
[upbeat music]
- You know, John Joe, we should be going.
We haven't much time to spare
if we want to make the registration.
- You're probably right there Michael.
Thank you, missus.
- Thank you.
- A hammer.
I'm telling you, you
need a f*cking hammer.
- I wouldn't be needing a f*cking hammer
if you knew how to drive properly.
- A couple of hard belts with a hammer,
straighten that up in no time.
- Woah, woah, woah.
- Oh, look, cows.
Christ.
Never seen cows before.
This is great.
- You've never seen them before?
How'd you know they're cows?
- I don't understand it,
they were on the bus when we parked.
We were only in here, what, two hours.
Who'd want four wheels?
Doesn't make sense.
- How long have we got?
What time is it?
- Oh, it's 25 to six.
If we don't register for the
competition before eight,
we're out.
You know how strict they are.
You'd have to be a priest
to get around the rules.
You know that.
- I do, I do.
Hey, missus.
Is anywhere around here
where we can get four wheels?
- No.
- Is there a garage handy?
- No.
- Well, that's it.
We're out.
- So, what's the story then?
- You're amazing.
We're in deep trouble.
We've about 50 miles to go.
And we're to register
before eight o'clock.
We'll never make it in time.
- Hey.
I think we're like lost.
We're musicians.
- Musicians, you say?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, we all play the bad-ron.
- [laughs] The bodran.
- Yeah, the bad-ron.
- And I'll bet you know all the tunes.
- We need directions
for the music festival.
- And no better man to give them to you.
I'm a walking map of Ireland.
If there were you two
map reading on D-Day,
you'd have invaded the f*cking Arakanese.
I mean, how hard can it be
to find a big f*cking town?
- It's the sign posts, Jimmy.
- What's wrong with them?
- There aren't any.
- Oh, for f*ck's sake.
Come on, just drive, will you?
Go, go, go.
[engine clicks]
[horn honks]
- [Voiceover] Will Pat
Lynne from Vermoy please
go to the county hotel
where his mother is waiting.
- Okay, good luck.
- Thanks a billion.
- Think we can play some
tunes together later?
Good luck now.
- Hello.
[upbeat music]
- We've no more rooms available.
- I'm just here to register.
- Go there, fine.
- No way through here.
No way through here.
No, no.
Stop the vehicle.
No.
- Use the plane tomorrow at 2:30.
- Many people entering?
- Hundreds come now the
competition's together.
- How many ceili bands this year?
- 15 so far.
- Any from Liverpool?
- No.
Good luck then.
Well, that about does it.
- Where do I register?
Am I too late?
- No, just in time.
- What the hell are you doing here?
- What the f*ck are you doing here?
- Sign here, please.
- [Woman] Is there John Joe McMahon here?
- I'm John Joe McMahon.
- There's a call for you.
- [Voiceover] John Joe.
Hello?
Hello?
- Hello.
- [Voiceover] John Joe.
- Who's this?
- It's Jerry.
Amertime.
Your brother is on his way.
- Don't you think I don't know that?
I thought you were supposed
to delay him at the customs.
- Oh I did, I did, I did.
But you don't understand.
- Believe me, I do.
[dramatic music]
- Delay me at the customs, eh?
- And I suppose you know nothing
about missing bus wheels?
- Bus wheels?
What are you talking about?
- What's the matter with you?
Did you think you could
b*at me fair and square?
- Fair and square?
What were you afraid of, eh?
Competition?
Big brother.
Still worried that I'm
better than you are?
- Well at least I made
something of meself.
And look at the state of that suit, huh?
I swear it's the same one
you went to England in.
- No.
It's not.
That one wore out eight years ago.
- Oh, two suits in 20 years, huh?
I buy 20 suits a year.
- Who cares?
- That's typical.
Drag everything down the bog road.
You were jealous then
and you're jealous now.
- Well,
you're not in a land of 20 suits now.
You're on my turf.
- It's mine, too, remember.
- Not anymore.
You gave it up to better yourself.
Well, we'll see how much better you are.
Because if there's anywhere
where 20 suits counts
for nothing, it's on the bandstand.
Do you think the judges or the
dancers care about your lapels?
No, they don't.
It's about the music.
And you had bad rhythm then.
And I'll bet you have bad rhythm yet.
- I do not.
- If you think you can just turn up
after all these years and become
Menuhin Paganini, then
you've another thing coming.
- Alberto Paganini.
And you know full well this
isn't just about the music.
- Well, we'll see about that.
[inaudible mumbled background talk]
- Eh, Jimmy.
Total success, boss.
We robbed the wheels off the mini bus.
They're stuck miles away. [laughs]
- You f*cking idiots.
You're fired.
[upbeat music]
- Hey.
[honks]
- [Voiceover] Hey, John Joe.
- Hey, I'll see you in pokers.
Watch you go again.
[low-key music]
- So, we were lucky, really.
Caught the four wheels for 20 pounds.
They're as good as my own.
Very lucky.
- They were your own wheels, Michael.
- My own wheels?
I don't understand.
- It was Jimmy.
He organizes.
- What do you know about?
- 'Cause he's my brother.
- Jimmy?
Jimmy's here?
- He is, yes he is.
- Oh.
- Maisie.
Maisie.
Maisie.
- Why didn't you tell me Jimmy was home?
- I didn't really know
myself until yesterday.
- I'm going to go home John Joe.
- But you can't.
We need you.
The band needs you.
- I don't want to see him.
- Where am I going to
get another piano player
at this stage?
- Anne can play.
She's far better than I am anyway.
- Then we'll be sh*t at fiddles.
- Play louder.
- Leaving won't change anything.
Come on.
Your sis has got the kettle on.
- She's always got the kettle on.
But promise me you won't
dig up the old business.
- [John Joe] All right, I promise.
- Gene Krupa, what a drummer.
Oh, the stories I could tell you.
Did you know he played Carnegie Hall?
It was back in 1940 something...
- What's the matter with you?
Ah, and there I was thinking
football was your only love.
Come on Casanova, let's
go and show your fluffe.
Come on.
Excuse me, do you mind if we sit in?
- No.
Please.
- So, you don't mind us
walking you home, then?
- No.
- Where are you staying?
- My aunt's.
Where are you staying?
- A tent, just by the river there.
I'm Alex, by the way.
- So he says.
- And the handsome
chatterbox there is Teddy.
- You told me.
- I'm from Liverpool.
- And there I was thinking
you were from Bombay.
[laughs]
- Bombay.
The nearest we've been
to Bombay is totally the
chicken in the loo that
they send down at the
El Morocco sister loo.
[laughs]
Little Chinese place down by the docks.
So you competing this weekend?
- Yes.
- So are we.
In the ceili band competition.
- Are you now?
- Yep.
- Fraternizing with the enemy?
What will they say?
This is where I'm staying.
- Goodnight.
- Goodnight, Teddy.
- Night, night.
- Come on, Romeo.
We've got a tent to put up.
[low-key music]
- [Voiceover] Anne, is that you?
- Yes.
Aunt Bernie.
- Look at you.
Oh, a picture.
- There's a cup of tea made.
- I think I'll go straight to bed.
- You're in your usual room.
- Thank you.
See you in the morning.
- Goodnight.
- She looks happy.
- She is beautiful.
- Oh, you noticed?
Well, a word of advice.
Forget it, son.
Because behind every Irish
girl is a disapproving mother
who'll put your balls in a mangler
if you try and get too close.
Now, we're only here for
a couple of days, so,
go for the foreign babes.
One of the gallantly off
lute, get in there son.
[laughs]
- All sex with you, isn't it?
You think of nothing else, do you?
- Well, hands of the little
put a pain home are away.
[laughs]
[slow, dramatic music]
- [Voiceover] The under
from the town hall to the priest's house.
That's the under 16, the fiddle at 2:30,
be moved from the town
hall to the priest's house.
[exotic music]
[gulps]
- Ted, Ted, wake up.
Teddy, wake up.
Wake up.
There's a bird swimming naked in the sea.
- Wha?
- She's in the sea naked.
- f*cking, [mumbles inaudibly] bastard.
- Hi.
[mumbles shyly]
- Very f*cking funny.
- Foreign birds.
I'm telling you, Ted.
Foreign birds.
- Morning, Jimmy.
- All right, here.
Look a bit delicate.
- Bad pint.
- I never touch the stuff meself.
Top shelf only.
Powers Gold Labor.
The Manchester life of whiskeys.
Now get some breakfast in
you, you'll feel better.
- Just in time.
What can I get you?
- Just a pint of Guinness.
It's not good to eat on an empty stomach.
[upbeat music]
- [Voiceover] Is this on?
A child has been found in Torpee's bar.
A little girl called Feema.
Red skirt and a point bland.
Anyone missing a child...
- Good morning, Teddy.
- Woah.
Good,
woah, ahh.
[laughs]
[fiddle music]
- Thank you.
- You did your best, Joe.
Winning isn't everything.
- There'll be no cake
and ice cream for you,
that serves you.
[fiddle music]
[harp music]
[whistle music]
[accordion music]
[upbeat music]
- I do play with ya.
I mean, you know, last night.
The music.
- I enjoyed playing with you, too.
- I started the piano with accordion,
but then we all make mistakes.
It's what me dad used to play.
- Never knew my father.
- Did he walk out?
- What makes you say that?
- Well just because my
dad walks out so often
that the whole carpet needs
replacing twice a month.
[laughs]
- No, my mother never talks about it.
But doesn't really matter to me.
He'd be like a complete stranger anyway.
What's it like in Liverpool?
- Same as any dump.
We've got all the usual things.
The Beatles, riots.
What's it like where you're from?
- It's nice.
It's quiet.
- You can never accuse
Liverpool of being quiet.
You should visit some day.
I could show you the sights.
- Are there any?
- Not that I know of.
- Maybe I will.
- It's a date then.
- Oh my God, what time is it?
- It's nearly two.
- We're playing at 2:30.
- Well, can I see you later?
- If you like.
- Yeah, I do.
[upbeat music]
[whistles]
- Hello, mate.
- Did you score?
- It's not like that.
- Oh, no, not love.
- What about you?
Did you score?
- I paley, mate.
- Kevin Keegan.
- That hippie girl thinks
that I'm the best thing
since Sergeant Pepper.
Who's Kevin Keegan?
- The hoop [mumbles
incoherently] from Scunthorpe.
- Scunthorpe?
They must be f*cking mad.
Nothing's come out of
there that's any good.
I mean, what's he like?
- Keegan?
- Yeah.
- No idea, probably useless.
- What did they get for him?
- Tech years.
- Where the hell is she?
- She'll be here.
And stop pacing like that.
You'll give yourself a heart att*ck.
[upbeat music]
- Thank God.
Where've you been?
- What does it matter?
She's here.
I'll talk to you later.
- Ready?
One, two.
[upbeat music]
[upbeat music and clapping]
- So?
What's the story, Jimmy?
- Oh,
they're good.
But we can bake them.
- [All] [cheers]
- Good luck now.
- Good luck now.
And remember, winning isn't everything.
- f*ck off.
- Cheeky fucker.
- [Bartender] Pint of red wine.
- Yep, that's me.
- Right, what are you all having?
- I'll have a vodka and lemonade.
And you?
- Pint please.
- A baby sham.
- What the hell are you doing?
- I've taken care of it.
- Now, listen lads.
I want you to keep it
tight and steady, right?
And you,
none of that f*cking jazz, do you hear me?
- I'll play it safe, Jimmy, don't worry.
- What the?
Where the hell did you get that?
- I pinched it back at the customs.
My contingency plan.
- Are you mad?
What were you thinking?
Who do you think he's going to blame?
He'll k*ll me.
- I'm gonna f*cking k*ll him.
- Right lads.
We're ready for you.
Come on, okay?
- All right then boys.
This is what we worked for.
Come on.
- You know why, just snagging tights
just before we ran money,
don't think the judge saw that do you?
- Lend me your fiddle, will you?
- f*ck off.
- New fiddle, Jim?
- It's a spare.
Clive, you ready?
- Yeah.
One, two.
[upbeat music]
[yells]
- What are you doing?
- You don't take a man's
fiddle from its case like that.
What were you thinking?
- I was only trying to help the cause.
- Well, I tell what you
can do to help the cause,
you can leave town now
before you do anymore damage.
- If you feel that way about it, sorry.
- Say no more about it.
- Oh, I've something to tell you.
- I want a word with you.
- And before you say anything,
it wasn't me.
It was him.
- What?
- Acting for you.
- Oh, no, I was acting for myself.
- I've already had this out with him.
Apologize.
- John Joe, I'm very sorry.
- Not to me you idiot.
Him.
- All right.
I apologize.
- That's low.
Even for you.
Taking a man's fiddle.
- Look, junior, I've already told you...
- Don't call me that.
It's Jimmy.
- You're junior to me.
And you always will be.
Besides it was my fiddle anyway.
- You lost it in a bet, remember?
- Oh is it a bet, you call it?
- It's not my fault if you're too blind
to see the obvious.
- The obvious, and what's that?
Going behind your own brother's back?
- You had your chance.
She wasn't interested.
- [John Joe] You went behind my back.
- [Jimmy] She wasn't spoken for.
- Stop it.
Just stop it.
You promised me, John Joe.
- I'm sorry, Maisie.
- You promised.
- Hello, Maisie.
- Jimmy.
- You're looking well.
Maisie.
- I don't want to hear it.
Not a word out of you.
Look at you.
You're children.
You've learned nothing.
Like two little boys.
- Junior.
Must be 50 if he's a day.
- Mommy,
mom, hold on.
Wait.
Mommy.
What was all that about?
- Nothing.
It's stupid of me.
It all happened a long time ago.
- Has this to do with my father?
- What made you say that?
- I don't know.
You never talk about it.
I just all, please tell me.
- Has John Joe been telling you things?
- No.
Mom, tell me.
Please.
- It was all a long time ago.
- Please.
- He promised he'd take care of me.
He didn't keep his promise.
That's all.
- Is he my father?
Is he my father?
- You played great, Anne.
- What?
Oh, thanks, Pat.
You did, too.
- Is everything all right?
- I'm not sure.
But I think I need a drink.
Will you take me somewhere?
- Wherever you want.
- I can't believe you're still angry.
- Well, what'd you expect?
Two brothers up and leave
me to run a farm on my own.
- You could have left as well.
- I did, remember?
- Ah, two weeks hardly counts.
- I would have stayed longer but for you.
- You're never gonna forget that.
- Well, how can I?
I'm reminded of it on a daily basis.
- I'm sorry.
Did we hear from Padjo?
- Not a word since he left.
He's a missionary somewhere.
It's about all I know.
- [Voiceover] Will the
owner of the white van
with Patsy's porcupine's
written on the side,
please move it...
[upbeat music]
[laughs]
- Okay.
- You've a good band.
That flute player, Teddy,
doesn't get any better than that.
- No, he's my best player.
The f*cking genius.
He'd give the Beatles
a run for their money.
No.
The girl.
- Her name's Anne.
- Anne.
Anne.
She's good.
- Best I ever heard.
She's her mother's daughter.
- What about me?
- Well, what about you?
No matter what nature might say about it,
you've still got bad rhythm.
- I do not.
- Still, speeding up.
- I'm not.
- Yes you are.
- Jesus.
Still picking on me after all these years.
- Just stating a fact.
- You may not have noticed,
but I'm not wearing
short f*cking trousers.
- No.
But I fetch you 20 pairs at home
[laughs]
- Come on.
[laughs]
Come on.
- I'm okay, thanks.
- Come on, handsome, Teddy.
You're no fun anymore.
- Oh.
[screams]
- Anne, Anne, Anne.
Anne.
Anne.
Help!
Somebody, help.
Help.
- Are you looking for me?
Teddy?
Are you looking for me?
- I though that you drowned.
- No.
But I did drink a lot of water.
[laughs]
My knight in dripping armor.
Oh my God.
- Well, I put the kettle on.
- Sorry?
- The kettle.
I'm putting the kettle on.
What about food?
They'll be hungry.
- Eating is the last thing on my mind.
- What's the matter?
- Nothing.
- In the pig's eye.
- I met Jimmy.
- Ah.
- I hit him.
Hard.
I might never play the piano again.
- A price worth paying.
He deserved it.
- Did he?
Maybe I expected too much.
- Expecting honesty?
- We were so young.
- All the more reason not to
have left you in the lurch.
I'll make sandwiches for them.
- Yeah.
I'll help.
- Is there a Mrs. Junior?
- Don't call me that.
Makes me feel old.
- Well, is there?
- There's, uh, four.
- Four?
- Going on five.
- Five wives?
There's no hairs growing on your knees,
that's for sure.
- How about you?
- No women left.
You cornered the market.
- Did you and Maisie never?
- No.
No.
Ah, Pat.
What now?
- You'll never believe the
tunes I've just heard John Joe.
Incredible.
- Really?
That's just fine, lad.
You can teach them to us back home.
- What?
God, what happened?
- She had a little bit too much to drink
and fell in the river.
- She did what?
- I'm fine.
I just need to change.
- Oh my God, what's...
- What are you doing?
- Just walking.
She tripped and fell.
- Don't make such a fuss.
- You,
go upstairs now.
- And you,
go back to Liverpool with you.
You're nothing but trouble.
- I haven't done anything wrong.
- It's not Teddy's fault.
- Well, if he hasn't done anything wrong,
why are you in that state?
Now!
- Stop treating me like I'm a child.
- How do you expect me to treat you
when you behave like this?
- Behave like what?
The minute I meet anyone,
you step in and stop us.
- I know his type.
- What type?
What the hell is his type?
- He'll charm you into bed
and you'll never hear from him again.
- Teddy's not like that.
- They're all like that.
- Is all this because it happened to you?
- I beg your pardon?
- It is, isn't it?
That's the reason.
- What happened to me is
of no concern of yours.
- Who was it?
Was it that man?
Tell me mom, tell me.
- Tell her.
She's a right to know why you've been
so crabby all these years.
- Crabby?
I've not been crabby.
- You have.
Now tell her.
Tell her or I will.
- I was about your age.
And I thought I was in love.
I didn't know what love was.
- Who is he?
- He's John Joe's brother.
Jimmy.
- And he's my father?
- I was just another conquest to him.
I promised to marry
him and when I told him
I was pregnant,
he was already engaged to somebody else.
A night club singer.
So, I came home after you were born.
And people chose to believe I was a widow.
And I tried to make the
best life I could for you.
For us.
- But why did you never tell me
I still had a father?
- Because you didn't.
He might as well have
been dead for all I knew.
- And because of your mistake,
you don't want me seeing Teddy.
- I just don't want you to ruin your life
the way I did.
- But it's my life.
My life.
- Anne.
Please.
- I'm so sorry I ruined yours.
- Not one of your better ideas.
- On the contrary.
The last person in the world to hear
about your scarlet past
is the one person you should
have told from the beginning.
[moaning]
[upbeat music]
- You should tell her you're sorry.
- Do you think I haven't wanted to?
- And you should tell
her about the five wives.
- Yeah.
I might be stupid, but I'm not suicidal.
- Make her see how lucky she was.
Having a child out of wedlock's one thing,
but getting divorced,
Jesus, the parish priests
would have her excommuni-ated.
- Excommunicated.
- Well, he'd certainly take a dim view.
- Guinness.
- On second thoughts, maybe you should
leave the wives out of it.
Impressed by the suits, were they?
The five of them.
- Jimmy.
- Maisie.
- I want to apologize for hitting you.
- I want to apologize, too.
- Please, let me finish.
- Sorry.
- What happened is past.
But I'm worried about Anne.
I've told her everything.
- Maisie, I...
- I don't want her having
anything to do with
that young man.
I don't want her to make
the same mistakes I did.
- But he's a good lad.
I've known him for years.
- She's a grown girl, Maisie.
She can make her own decisions.
- Keep out of this John Joe.
You owe me that much.
As her father, you owe me that.
If she comes to you,
I want you to put her straight.
She won't listen to me now.
- If that's what you want.
- It is.
That's all I came to say.
- Go on.
- Maisie.
I'm sorry.
[soft music]
- [Boy Hippie] Hey, Candy.
- Hey.
- There you are.
- Where have you been?
- Hello ladies.
- What the f*ck happened to your shirt?
Looks like someone puked all over it.
- Testing, testing, testing.
Town of Ness is a terrible place.
Kilkaka's just as bad.
But of all the towns I was ever in,
f*ck me Canigat.
Peter Piper packed a pick.
Peter Piper picked a.
No, that's not right.
Pickle Peter, oh f*ck.
How's that?
- Never heard better.
- Anne.
Don't forget,
winner pays for the ceili tonight.
- What the f*ck have you been doing?
You can't go up on
stage looking like that.
- I don't know what happened, Jim.
- Here.
There's a spare shirt
up in my room, come on.
You f*cking idiot.
- Hello.
- Hello.
I put your fiddle away.
I was gonna bring it around to the house,
but I had second thoughts.
I'm too young to die yet.
[laughs]
- Thanks.
- Your mom's mad at me.
- It's not you.
She's mad at everyone.
- It's nice to know you're
not alone in the world.
- I'm sorry
for what happened.
[laughs]
You've got a clean shirt.
- Actually it's Alex's.
Went round the tent but I couldn't get in.
Lost the keys.
- Come on are you stuck
to those f*cking stools.
Are you stuck to those stools or what?
Come on, let's inside down the hall.
Come on.
- Can I go with you?
- Yeah.
Yeah of course.
- [Voiceover] Extra car parking space can
be found at the back of the Wheelie's farm
on the side street.
That's extra car parking space can be
found at the back of Wheelie's
farm on the side street.
- All right?
- Nice shirt, mate.
- Yeah, Jimmy gave it to me.
Said I was a disgrace.
- Nothing gets past Jimmy.
- I there are the others.
- So, what happens now?
- They announce the winner.
And then we go up on stage and play.
- You do, do you?
- That's what happened last year.
And the year before.
- Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen.
You're all welcome here
tonight for the ceili
and to dance to the music of
this year's winning ceili band.
[applause and cheers]
All the prizes for the solo
competitions have been awarded
and what competitions they've been.
The standard has been the
highest we've seen here since,
well, since last year.
[laughs]
And the judges found it very hard,
in particular,
to select the winner of
the ceili band competition.
But in the end, they did.
[applause]
There's a winning ceili band ready
and bursting to entertain you all.
And without further
ado, I'd like to call up
the chairman of the committee
to announce the winner and to present
the trophy.
[cheers and applause]
- Thank you ladies and gentlemen.
It's a great pleasure
for me to be associated
with this event.
And the name McMahon has been long
associated with it.
This year...
- Here?
- It's a McMahon that has triumphed again.
- I was trying to tell you.
- I'm delighted to
announce the winning band.
They were late arrivals,
but we're very glad that they made it.
So, ladies and gentlemen,
would you please put your hands together
and give a very warm welcome
to from across the water,
Father Padjo McMahon and
his South African Township Ceili Band.
[applause]
[upbeat music]
- [Jimmy And John Joe] Padjo?
- I thought you said he was
some kind of missionary.
- I did.
- He could have picked
another f*cking mission.
- Not bad, are they John Joe?
Saw them earlier on.
Tried to tell you.
- Dance?
- Dance.
- Maybe we should congratulate him.
- He'll find us.
You can bet your life on that.
- [Jimmy] Here.
- What's this?
- My one should have it anyway.
Take it.
The da left it to you.
Marry on who takes the girl home
at the end of the night.
It's not something I'm proud of.
- Now, do you mean it?
You really want to give me back my fiddle?
- You take it.
- Don't know what to say.
- [Jimmy] Same again always works for me.
[clears throat]
- You've a great band.
- And a trophy to prove it.
[laughs]
- Padjo.
- It's the ugliest
f*cking thing I ever seen.
Padjo.
[upbeat music]
- [Anne] When are you going?
- [Teddy] In the morning.
- [Anne] Wish I was going with you.
- You could.
Well, you know, if you wanted to.
To come with us.
You could get on the bus.
Come to Liverpool.
I'll show you the sights.
- What are you saying?
Teddy?
What are you saying?
- I don't know.
But I've never felt like this before.
[fiddle music]
- Still speeding up.
- I am not.
- He's right, you are.
- Will the pair of you stop picking on me?
[soft music]
- Next year, we play straight.
No funny business.
No games.
- No funny business, eh?
- Them all.
- All right, band against band.
Will you be back next year, Padjo?
- Well, they're posting
me in South America.
- Where?
- Brazil.
- Oh, where the nuts come from, eh?
[laughs]
- You song and done of
them play the fiddle.
- Well, if they do, I'll be
bringing them back next year.
[laughs]
- Anne?
Where did you stay last night?
- I was with Teddy.
- Oh, I see.
- I'm going with him.
I'm going to Liverpool.
- Anne, don't.
- I love him.
- But you hardly know him more than a day.
- Long enough to know.
- Has he promised you the world?
- Nothing.
He's promised me nothing.
- But how will you live?
What can you do for money?
- I'll get a job.
- And when he leaves
you for somebody else?
- He won't.
- Let him come to you.
Don't go running after him.
He'll only break your heart, Anne.
If he loves you,
let him come to you.
- Just because it happened to you,
doesn't mean it's going to happen to me.
I'm going to start a life.
I can get to know my father.
- Anne, please, listen.
- What are you going to do?
Keep me locked up
til I become a bitter old maid like you?
- No.
[low music]
- Coming home with the milk?
I haven't done that in a while.
I thought Miko had the
bus over at Bernie's.
- I'm going to England with Teddy.
- Don't do this out of punishment.
- I don't care about her.
- I don't believe that for a second.
- Well,
you'll have to find another fiddle player.
Bye, then.
- Wait.
See if you can do something about Jimmy's,
your father's, fiddle playing.
He's still inclined to speed
up on the change overs.
- Is that all you ever think about?
Music?
- Well, when you got the music,
you got friends for life.
That's why I'm never alone.
Remember that.
[horns honk]
- Nice and tight now.
- Right, son, yeah.
- That's it Jimmy.
- Everyone here?
- Yes, Jimmy.
- Better get a move on.
Tide and ferries wait for no man.
- [Voiceover] A concertina has been found
in the public toilet seat
and the football ditch.
I reiterate, a concertina has been
found in the public toilet...
- I'm coming with you.
- Welcome aboard, love.
- Plenty of room next to me.
[mumbles incoherently]
- Jimmy.
- None of this is my idea.
- I know.
There's just something I wanted to say.
- What?
- If as much as a hair on
that child's head is harmed,
I'm coming to Liverpool
to cut your balls off.
That's all.
- That's fair, love.
The circumstances.
- So,
she really has gone then?
- I'm never going to see her again.
- Worse than that.
Jimmy's poached our best player.
- Not so f*cking fast.
You know we're catching
today's ferry, Einstein,
not yesterday's.
- Look.
Sheep.
- Slow down.
- Sheep.
- Slow down.
- Jimmy?
[soft music]
I'm so sorry.
- No.
I'm the one who's sorry.
- I said terrible things to you.
You'll never forgive me.
- There's nothing to forgive.
Nothing.
- You all right, John Joe?
- I am now, Pat.
I am now.
- Cheers.
- Don't worry mate.
Put it down to romanolody.
- Nope.
We weren't anywhere near it.
- No, Gregory Peck?
Seen in the pictures,
goes to Rome and falls for
what's her name,
anyway, turns out that she's
a princess or something
so he f*cked.
[laughs]
- So, what happens?
- He doesn't get his end away, you know,
'cause she's royalty.
- You think of nothing else, do you?
- What else is there?
- I love her, Lex.
- You think you do.
You think you do now, but that's
your sh*t d*ck talking, mate.
Trust me, I know.
Every time I fancy a girl,
the big fun and all and I'll
tell you that she's the one.
Forget about her Ted.
Besides, we play at Chelsea at on tune.
So, that means Dolly Baiser
from the smoke and all that.
- Yeah.
Yeah, maybe you're right.
- Yes, I am right.
Would I steer my best mate wrong?
Would I?
[tuning instruments]
- Right.
Everybody here?
- I've never heard you sounding better.
Do you know that?
If only you played like that all the time.
[laughs]
- John Joe.
- Yeah, hi.
Hey, Maggie.
- Hey John Joe.
- Hey you all.
- John Joe.
- What the hell's Pat up to?
- He's getting ready for next year.
He thinks we should surprise the Africans
with a taste of their own medicine.
- Looks it's him that needs the medicine.
Mine too.
If we can battle him, we
make ourselves a fortune.
- Oh surely.
- Shame he left the fiddle.
Red fit.
Ready?
One, two.
[upbeat music]
[chime on door rings]
- Mind if I sit in?
- It's better to gain a musician
than to lose a daughter.
I always say.
- And what would Jimmy say?
- f*ck him.
Ready?
One, two.
[upbeat music]
- No funny business, huh?
This means w*r.
♪ As I was goin' over
♪ The far famed Kerry mountains
♪ I met the captain Farrell
♪ And his money he was counting
♪ I first produced me p*stol
♪ Then produced me rapier
♪ Saying "stand and deliver"
♪ For he were a bold deceiver
♪ Which your whack for the da-da-lay
♪ Whack for the day-de-lo
♪ Whack for the day-de-lo
♪ There's whiskey in the jar
♪ I counted out me money
and it made a pretty penny
♪ I put it in my pocket
♪ And I gave it to my Jenny
♪ She sighed and she swore
♪ She never would deceive me
♪ The devil take the women
♪ For they never can be easy
♪ Which your whack for the da-da-lay
♪ Whack for the day-de-lo
♪ Whack for the day-de-lo
♪ There's whiskey in the jar
♪ I went to my chamber
♪ All to take a slumber
♪ Dreamt of gold and jewels
♪ And for sure was no wonder
♪ For Jenny took the charges
♪ Filled them up with water
♪ And sent for Captain Farrell
♪ To be ready for the slaughter
♪ Which your whack for the da-da-lay
♪ Whack for the day-de-lo
♪ Whack for the day-de-lo
♪ There's whiskey in the jar
♪ 'Twas early in the morning
♪ Before I rose to trouble
♪ The guards were all around me
♪ And likewise Captain Farrell
♪ I then produced me p*stol
♪ They stole away me rapier
♪ But I couldn't sh**t the water
♪ So a prisoner I was taken
♪ Which your whack for the da-da-lay
♪ Whack for the day-de-lo
♪ Whack for the day-de-lo
♪ There's whiskey in the jar
♪ If anyone can aid me
♪ It's me brother in the army
♪ I think that he is stationed
♪ In Cork or in Killarney
♪ And if he'll come to join me
♪ We go roving in Killkenny
♪ I swear he'll treat me fair
♪ Than me darling sporting Jenny
♪ Which your whack for the da-da-lay
♪ Whack for the day-de-lo
♪ Whack for the day-de-lo
♪ There's whiskey in the jar
♪ Which your whack for the da-da-lay
♪ Whack for the day-de-lo
♪ Whack for the day-de-lo
♪ There's whiskey in the jar, oh ♪
[soft low-key music]
Boys from County Clare, The (2003)
Moderator: Maskath3