02x16 - The Collector

[bunniefuu]

What does it all mean?

This is where the archeology has been found.

Oh, hi how are you?

Look at that.

I need a planter.

A shrine to a bellybutton.

Is this a rock of salt?

Look at that!

No one gets into this place?

Whoa, don't take me too far!

Now that's naked archeology.

[theme music]

I'm very excited.

I'm going to see the legendary Shlomo Moussaieff.

If you haven't heard that name, you should have.

He is the biggest collector of biblical archaeology

in the world.

It's a secret location.

He doesn't want people to know,

for obvious reasons, where he's keeping all these treasures.

To put a collection like this together

you need a lot of dough.

He's got stuff in his house, in his living room,

that any museum would be proud to build

an entire building around.

I'm going to see this stuff, I'm going to meet the man,

and I'm going to learn how to build my own collection.

Excitement is not the word.

World's greatest private collection

of biblical archaeology.

Legendary man.

I heard he's got kind of owl eyes.

He's a character. Owl eyes.

Hi. Ah! Oh! It's Charlie Chaplin.

[SIMCHA] Shlomo Moussaieff, was born in Israel

in .

He was named after his grandfather Shlomo,

the great Bukharian merchant

who came to Palestine in ,

heading a convoy of camels loaded with gold.

He may have come from affluent stock

but at the age of , Shlomo's father

threw him out of the house,

leaving him to fend for himself.

In the years that followed, the young boy

slept in synagogues and lived in the ancient caves

and tombs of Sanhedria.

It was in one of these tombs that Shlomo discovered

his first antique coin.

And that was the start of a dream

that over the next years he would build

into the world's richest collection

of biblical archaeology.

Shalom.

The legendary Shlomo Moussaieff. Hi.

Hi.

You're looking good.

Look at this. Right away. And what is this thing?

Welcoming me.

Yeah. Well-dressed.

Covers her head.

Yeah. She have a shy too.

She's modest. She's beautiful.

Why not? She was supposed to dance naked.

Oh, this is Vashti?

Now, this is from the Purim story.

This is the first wife of the king,

bad girl of the Purim story.

She's well endowed with her-.

[SIMCHA] According to the Purim Story,

Vashti was the wife of the Persian king Ahasuerus.

She refused to obey his request

that she dance naked before their guests,

and so the King removed her

and chose Esther as his new Queen.

In modern times Vashti has become a folk hero

to the feminist movement.

Do you know which area of the world this is from?

But is this from Iran?

Okay. Every inch of this place is covered by artifacts.

This used to house the Torah at the "aron ha-kodesh,"

where the Torah-. This is exquisite, this piece.

This is beautiful. This looks Italian.

Oh, the Tree of Life.

Oh, look at this. The table from the holy of holies.

The artwork is exquisite.

I want to become a collector.

This isn't cheap. I'd need a lot of money.

I never thought about that.

But it's against the Tenth Commandment.

What is this?

Where is this from?

Northern Israel?

In Palestine.

That's incredible.

[SIMCHA] Baal was worshipped by the Canaanites

as a fertility deity and by the Phoenicians as the sun god.

Wild ceremonies were often performed for Baal

with dancing priests frantically cutting themselves

and offering human sacrifices.

No way. You say this is from the throne?

Of Ahab in Sebastia.

It's absolutely gorgeous.

Israelite King Ahab. Exquisite.

Can you believe how beautiful this is?

[SIMCHA] Ahab was the King of Israel

over years ago.

He married the Phoenician princess Jezebel

who worshiped the god Baal.

Ahab's love for Jezebel got him into serious trouble

when he allowed temples to Baal to be built

all over the Jewish holy land.

The prophet Elijah challenged Jezebel's priests

and their god Baal, to make fire for a sacrifice

on the top of Mount Carmel.

They failed... and so Elijah called to God

who sent a tremendous fire down from heaven

and b*rned the altar.

Elijah then ordered the death of all Jezebel's priests

and condemned Ahab.

And it's this torrid tale that has always overshadowed

the great material prosperity

that King Ahab brought to Israel.

I never get to do this is in museums.

You know, here's the key.

You're going to show me ancient sex?

Oh my gosh.

It looks like a penis of some kind of little animal.

Well, this is the stop, right?

This is p*rn here.

It's not p*rn. This is the phallus.

This is a phallus. I can see this.

Where is this from?

Israel. What period? Greco?

[SIMCHA] The Maccabees were a

liberation movement years ago

that won Jewish independence for the land of Israel.

They revolted against the Seleucid dynasty

by refusing to worship Greek gods...

and they most certainly would have had a problem

with Greco-green-penis-pipes as well.

No wonder there was a Maccabean revolution.

You've got to admit the Maccabees would have

found this pretty disgusting.

Oh, you think it was penis envy

that caused the Maccabean revolt?

Oh my gosh. This is a whole new view of history.

You're saying that this is for a leader,

a guy who's saying,

"Listen to me. I'm the guy with the big-."

Yup. Where's that from?

Alexandria, here. This is Etruscan.

Etruscan. It's practical?

Until today.

When you're chairing a meeting,

this is the way to say,

"Quiet." Is this a perfume thing?

No. To eat Royal jelly. Lick it, put back.

Oh. A Roman-Jewish penis, circumcised.

You put your honey or jelly in there.

You take it out. You invite your friend over.

You say, "Here, have some of my honey."

And you give it to her to lick.

And that's one way of breaking the ice on a first date.

It is fun. It's fantastic.

If I want to follow in your footsteps, Shlomo,

how do I do it? You'll start me off?

Yeah. -Okay.

[SIMCHA] Shlomo's affection and respect for history

and art is obvious.

This multilevel penthouse holds only a fraction

of his entire collection, which he makes accessible

to all academics free of charge.

In the sometimes shady world of antiquity dealing,

I wanted to learn how he determined

whether or not artifacts were authentic.

I asked him to teach me the tricks of his trade.

He promised to show me three.

[SIMCHA] Shlomo Moussaieff owns

the world's richest collection of biblical archaeology.

His collecting, he says, is defined

and guided by his love for the Bible and a deep reverence

for Jewish history.

He's promised to show me the tricks of his trade

so that I may start a collection of my own.

You have to see it, touch it.

You lick it?

This is an oil lamp.

By licking it.

It sucks your tongue if it's really old, eh?

Okay. I'll try to lick a different part of-.

In museums, they don't do that.

They don't let you lick the artifacts.

You can lick your own artifacts.

It's salty. But if someone tried to fool you

by putting salt on a modern piece,

you would be able to tell?

Now, I just want to understand.

The old stuff dries faster or slower than the new stuff?

So these are little tricks

so that they can't sell you fakes, right?

Oh, it's drying fast. But if it was new,

it would stay wet a long time.

You dip it in water, you lick it. One more trick.

Whether the crust peels.

Some people tricked you?

How did they trick you? Didn't you lick the object?

I'm trying to build up my collection,

and I'm going to start right here,

in the old market, in the marketplace of Jerusalem.

And these are tourist shops.

They they've got all kinds of "chach-kas".

You know, they've got stuff.

But these are not real antiquities.

But I'm going to go look for antiquities.

These are all Roman coins. Two thousand years old.

You can tell by the noise that they make.

Am I right? Is this ancient?

Yes, it's ancient.

Look at this. It looks ancient to me. Is this ancient?

It is ancient.

Really?

Yup.

No. Come on.

That's not ancient.

It's not ancient?

That's not fake. You want a fake one?

These are fakes?

No, they're not fakes.

These are real? But they're-.

It's look like real, but not really.

But they're modern.

Modern. Yes, of course.

Well, let me taste it. Ugh.

It tastes modern. There's no salt.

Do you know that? Do you know the trick?

I've never tasted.

You've never tasted your own oil lamps? Here, taste.

No, I wouldn't.

Come on, taste away. How much is this?

It's twenty-five.

Twenty-five what?

Shekels. I don't know if you want to pay me dollars.

But shekels, that's, like, seven dollars.

Seven dollars, you know, for just a modern thing

that just looks old.

It sounds like-it doesn't even taste good. Can I lick this?

This is nice. This is nice.

Is there anything else I can lick in this?

Yeah. You lick everything.

But this is modern, eh? It tastes Armenian.

Is it Armenian?

It's Armenian.

Aren't you amazed that I can tell that by licking it?

Isn't that amazing?

Can you lick this one?

Do you want to lick this? Taste it.

Have you ever tasted an oil lamp before?

Nope.

It doesn't taste salty, right? So it's not old.

That's the trick.

Now you know how to buy an ancient lamp.

That's a real antiquities shop.

Authorized Antiques. Look at that.

That's the real thing. Oh, wow.

I've decided to become a world-famous collector.

Yes.

Look at this jug over here. That's from Egypt.

Yes, that's right.

I know some stuff. I'm the Naked Archaeologist.

This is from the area of the Exodus.

I like big jugs. Maybe I'll start collecting jugs.

Look at the design on that.

How much?

This is $,.

Shekels?

American shekels.

American shekels? Wow.

It's a little bit out of my range.

Look at the breast lady.

This one?

This is a goddess.

Goddess of love.

Goddess of love? How do you know?

I can't tell.

Oh. So how much is this one?

This is $,.

Dollars? -Yes.

That one's so big, it's $,.

It goes not by size.

Do you mind if I lick it? Do you lick your-?

No, I don't lick.

Lemme see, I'll lick it. So it's supposed to be salty.

Salty? -Salty.

It's not made of salt.

But it doesn't taste bad.

It does taste ancient. I tasted the new stuff.

Not good.

No. But you have to be careful with goddesses,

like, where you're going to lick. Okay.

Well, let's move on to the next shop.

Is he going to let us or not let us?

No, no, he's nice. He'll do it. Thank you.

This is hard to believe,

but not every antiquities dealer appreciates

you walking in there and licking their goods.

Can I lick this?

[SIMCHA] I wasn't making progress

licking my way through the market.

This is a great licking situation right over here.

Eww-no salt.

[SIMCHA] And people weren't offering the most helpful advice.

Look at a lamp and underneath

it's got a made in China sticker you've got problems.

You mean it's not old?

Maybe not.

[SIMCHA] But as I made my way

into the more mysterious alleys of antiquity dealers

who should I stumble upon

but the world famous archaeologist and collector

Robert Deutsch.

I'm doing a show, how to start a collection,

and who do I meet? He's an academic,

and he's a collector.

So maybe you can help me about how

I should start my own antiquities collection.

So what were you looking at?

Let me see what you were looking at.

If you're looking at something, it must be special.

I just saw a beautiful st century AD [inaudible].

It's Roman.

The piece is good, generally percent,

and it's in very good condition.

He's saying good stuff about your stuff.

He just disagrees about some years, but that's okay.

Don't look at the price. I can tell you,

you can put $ for it.

You can get it for $?

Yeah.

What's the asking price here?

Doesn't matter.

They're asking for, like, over $,.

It doesn't matter how much they ask.

It's matter how much you want to pay.

Don't start at percent,

because then you pay too much.

Give them percent. Go up to percent.

That is the way to do business...

Well, okay. So do you have any other recommendations?

What about this little thing here?

It looks cool to me.

It's not cool; it's hot. Lick it.

You never lick glass; you lick pottery.

You just made a fool out of me, right?

Look, pottery you lick, you smell, you look at it,

you feel it, you knock on it to hear it,

and then you decide it's good or not.

This is a ,-year-old Canaanite.

Five thousand? Are you serious?

And look what's happened.

It's wet...

It's dry. That means genuine.

Put it to your ear. You knock on it,

and you hear the voices from , year ago.

Voice from , years ago. That's poetry.

And that was used before the Flood.

You're a poet. You love this stuff.

That was before the Flood.

This is older than Noah's flood?

Yeah.

Wow. Like, what's one of the

most interesting pieces here?

Look at this. This looks ancient.

This is my tea.

So what have we got here?

This is a spearhead's back.

A what?

This is the spearhead, and this the back,

a big stick. And you control it.

It has a balance.

And now you can stick it, also, in the ground.

But this looks like a little hook here at the end.

Yes. It runs into the stick.

This is from Bronze Age?

That's Bronze Age.

We're talking about an object that's , years old.

I like it. Should I lick it?

No. Bronze you don't lick, because you can die.

Oh, you mean if you stick it too far down your throat?

Yup.

You're making fun of me.

I should start my collection with something.

This looks like a nice thing to start it. I'm his friend.

Yeah.

How much, percent did you say?

Twenty-five.

Uh, .

Okay. A hundred seventy-five.

He's not budging, this guy.

You have to stick to your price. Put it back.

Look around.

No. I actually can't give him $ for this thing.

No.

Now we talk.

Now we're talking? Well, I meant it.

A hundred and seventy-five bucks.

Okay. Well, let's move on to the next shop,

okay, guys? I'm going to move on to the next shop.

One-fifty.

One-fifty? Great.

You are surprised?

I have my first piece of middle Bronze-

Middle Bronze Age spear back.

-back, of-.

From the time of Abraham.

Fifty, one-hundred.

This is a certificate that I'm not a jerk, right?

Welcome to the club.

The crazy collector club?

That's it.

[SIMCHA] I'm back visiting

with one of the greatest collectors

of biblical archaeology in the world,

Shlomo Moussaieff.

I want to get his opinion on how my own collection

is shaping up.

It's good to see you again.

Listen, I became a collector.

You mean it's no good?

Twenty-five.

"Nishtogeferlah" - Not too bad.

Not so bad, eh? Sit down.

I want to show you.

Shlomo decides he's going to fall of his chair

when he sees my collection. What do you think?

He said it's alright.

What they told me is that it's Canaanite,

Bronze Age. It's from a spear.

No, no. It's the back of a spear, they told me.

The spearhead is here. Then it's the wood.

And this is over here for the balance.

Bullshit?

Here they used to put the wool string and go through.

Ah, and you pull it.

My spear is a needle?

It's the right period-Bronze Age?

I want to know if I paid a good price.

What do you think is a good price for it?

Really? Are you serious?

Do you know what I paid for it?

A hundred and fifty dollars.

When I bought this, I felt a little addictive.

It felt good.

I don't think I'll ever reach your heights,

but it's a modest beginning.

From nothing.

So what have you got there?

You're giving this to me?

Printed at Massada?

Written in ancient Hebrew.

For the redemption of Zion

in the second year of the revolt.

Wow. You found this.

And you're giving it to me. I appreciate it.

It's very exciting.

Maybe when I'm a famous collector

and somebody comes to interview me,

I'll take this out, and I'll say,

"You know who gave me this?

Shlomo Mussaieff." Thank you.