BABA: Officer on deck.
RICO: Today, you're going to locate
a medium-sized Bug colony...
...and wipe it out.
Intel estimates infestation is level two.
Which means we're up
against 1000 active defenders.
BABA: We know what to do.
k*ll them all.
- Oh.
- Yeah, that's the idea.
Run the plan, lieutenant.
Yes, sir. Uh...
Geo.
GEO:
First team secures the landing zone, sir.
BABA: Uh, Camacho.
CAMACHO: We'll locate
the target colony's entrance, sir?
BABA: Uh... One-Oh-One.
Kills Bugs, but don't hurt us.
BABA: Baba. Oh, uh...
Jeez, that's me. Heh-heh.
Flip the nuke, flip the launcher on the nuke.
- Ugh.
- Oh, uh, but not yet.
Uh... Uh...
Dutch.
DUTCH: Me and Bessie seal the deal,
right down their Bug hole.
MAN [OVER SPEAKER]:
Eagle One, ready for takeoff.
Remember your training,
and stick to the plan. Do you get me?
- We get you, sir.
- Yes, sir.
RICO: Lock and load.
Ungh. Yeah.
Let's do this.
All right, baby. Mwah.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[INSTRUMENTS BEEPING]
EAGLE 1: Eagle One, clear.
MAN 1: Eagle Two, clear.
MAN 2: Eagle Three, clear.
EAGLE 1: Eagle One, touchdown in 10...
...nine, eight...
...seven, six, five...
...four, three, two, one.
[GRUNTING]
[BOAT CREAKING]
[PANTING]
[SCREECHING]
DUTCH: Geo, no!
No, no. God, no. No, no!
[SCREAMING]
Bug!
[SCREECHING]
[g*nf*re]
RICO: Come on, you apes.
Move out. Move it. Let's go!
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[SCREECHING]
g*dd*mn.
They don't quit.
RICO: What's your malfunction, lieutenant?
- BABA: Uh...
- Come on. Get over here.
Go get them!
[SCREECHING]
Form a perimeter.
Holy sh*t.
GEO: Oh, man.
I got your back.
Fire in the hole.
[BUGS SCREECHING]
[CAMACHO LAUGHS]
- CAMACHO: Nice one.
- Camacho, 9 o'clock.
[CAMACHO SCREAMING]
- CAMACHO: Help me, help me.
- Camacho.
Colonel Rico!
[SCREECHING]
Pull back. Stay close.
[BABA WHIMPERING]
BABA: Oh, man. We're surrounded again.
[BOTH GRUNT]
Oh, sh*t!
[BABA YELLING]
RICO: Let the gas settle in.
Step back.
[GRUNTING]
Colonel Rico?
Rico, where are you? Whoa!
Who was that?
Whoa! I can't see anything.
RICO: Lieutenant, use your infrared.
And keep your head down.
BABA: Oh, right.
[SCREECHING]
Um... Okay, my infrared.
Infrared, infrared...
Oh, there you are.
- RICO: That's not your infrared, lieutenant.
- Oh.
Then what is it?
[BUZZER SOUNDS]
[POWERING DOWN]
Well, that was just outstanding.
Well, sir...
...how come I always get ripped in half?
Bugs got your number, big man.
Colonel, no one told us
it was a trap. That's not fair, sir.
Here's a little combat secret for you,
lieutenant:
w*r isn't fair. It's always a trap.
Cancel your plans, troopers.
We go again tomorrow.
Uh... Sorry, sir, but don't you remember?
Tomorrow's Air Day.
Celebrating 25 years of filtered Martian air.
Air Day?
Yes, sir.
We take our terraforming very seriously.
No one appreciates a nice gulp
of fresh air like a Martian, sir.
There are no Martians
in my Mobile Infantry, lieutenant.
Only troopers who follow orders.
Do you get me?
ALL: We get you, sir.
Same time tomorrow, troopers.
Dismissed.
- MAN: Way to go, Baba.
- CAMACHO: What the hell was that about?
[SIGHS]
So how about those new Martian recruits?
- If you've been watching, you know.
- Is there anyone who isn't watching?
Ha-ha. It's the wackiest sh*t
we've ever seen on FedNet.
- Ha-ha-ha.
- I call them my Lost Patrol.
I might feed them to the Bugs and start over.
What do you expect
from a bunch of Martian farm kids?
RICO: How is it that I got posted
to the most uneventful colony...
...in the entire Federation?
Wait.
Don't answer that.
[SIGHS]
They could've made my life
a whole lot worse...
...considering I'm
the only commanding officer...
...ever to let an Arachnid Queen
through our Terran defenses.
Don't be so hard on yourself, colonel.
If you'd pulled that trigger,
we'd all be dead.
Thanks, Ratzass.
I need to stop reliving that moment.
sh**t some caffeine?
RATZASS: Check this out. Ha-ha-ha!
[MUSIC PLAYING]
RATZASS: Colonial duty isn't
for everybody, but Mars is a sweet place...
...to kick back and get some R&R.
Do I look like someone who needs R&R?
I'd rather be stuck on a Bug planet.
At least I'd have something to sh**t.
The Martians prefer the slow life.
You know if they break away
from the Federation...
...they'll stop contributing
to the w*r on Bugs.
Makes no sense.
[ALL LAUGHING]
- Nice.
- Guys, here it goes:
[MIMICKING RICO] "There are
no Martians in my Mobile Infantry.
Only troopers who follow orders."
[MIMICKING RICO] "And the orders are:
stay in your quarters...
...and don't have any fun."
[ALL LAUGHING]
DUTCH [IN NORMAL VOICE]:
Yeah, that's right. That's right.
[MIMICKING RICO]
"Real troopers don't celebrate Air Day.
- Real troopers don't need air."
- "Real troopers don't need air."
[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]
RATZASS:
You know, maybe it's true what they say.
Maybe Martians just aren't that smart.
That's what people used to say
about me back in high school.
You idiot.
- You idiot.
- He totally heard you.
You're all idiots.
I rest my case.
Martians and their goddamned air.
That sh*t is starting to give me headaches.
- Hey, look!
- Whoa.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
The Fleet's making
a massive strike on the AQZ.
Yeah!
Yeah.
- BABA: Come on. Let's take a picture.
- What's the matter?
Can't stand sitting one out?
I'm Infantry.
We like to fight.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
MAN [ON TV]: There's a distinctly
different air to Air Day this year.
In addition to the usual all-night parties...
...Martian separatists are using
the holiday...
...to promote Martian independence.
Recent opinion polls show
that one in three Martians are tired...
...of fighting a w*r
that doesn't affect them.
And a startling 73 percent said
they'd much rather drink beer.
Well, it looks like fun to be a Martian,
but fun is for kids.
MAN: At 26, Snapp isn't just
the Federation's youngest sky marshal.
Federal Scientists now say
she's probably the smartest woman...
...who's ever lived.
In w*r, you're either part of the fight
or you're part of the problem.
DANIEL: So do you think independence
could catch on...
- ...in other emerging Federal colonies?
- Heh-heh.
No. Mars is a special case
where ego politics and isolationism...
...have conspired
against moral responsibility.
One last question
for our younger viewers, sky marshal:
Have you ever been wrong about anything?
[CHUCKLES]
Hmm. It's my curse.
MAN: Would you like to know more?
In a bold move on the AQZ,
Sky Marshal Snapp deployed...
...the entire Fleet for a surprise att*ck
on the Bugs.
This marks the 20th anniversary
of the Klendathu invasion.
Maybe this time,
the operation will not be a total failure.
Would you like to know more?
WOMAN [OVER PA]:
Interstellar flight 103 to Geneva...
...now boarding at gate D-51.
Carmen.
Carmen.
NUMBER 1: Status report, code red.
Plus one and counting.
It's getting thick out there.
[HIGH-PITCHED RINGING]
CARL: Carmen. Carmen.
Carmen.
[GROANS]
Carmen, it's Carl.
Carl?
You okay, ma'am?
Keep your eye on the drop.
Everything I'm about to say to you
is classified...
...so don't talk.
If you can read my thoughts...
...then you know
I'm a little busy right now, Carl.
NUMBER 1: ...and prepare to evade fire.
You're the only one
who can help right now, Carmen.
CARMEN: What is it this time?
I need you to get a message to Johnny.
Johnny's on Mars, right?
You're a lot closer than me.
I can't get through to him
like I can with you.
You know Johnny. He's got a thick head.
sh*t. Hold on.
Carl?
NUMBER 1: Plasma. Incoming.
CARMEN: Maintain altitude.
CARL: Okay, I'm back.
So you want me to abandon my command...
...in the AQZ and go to Mars now?
WOMAN: Flight 103 to Geneva boarding now.
Now would be good.
Are you going to bother telling me why?
No. I think you're better off not knowing.
[ALL GASPING]
NUMBER 1: Direct hit on the Ishizuka.
Heavy damage!
Of course not,
because that's the way you like it.
You haven't changed a bit, have you, Carl?
No, and I'm not planning to.
I need you to find Johnny.
Amy Snapp is very upset with Mars,
and you know how she can be.
Mobile Infantry, commence drop.
NUMBER 1: Mobile Infantry, commence drop.
Enjoy the flight, sir.
CARL: Thank you.
You're not being very concrete, Carl.
CARL: Yes, I know.
If the truth about Mars ever comes out,
it will destroy the Federation.
Is the truth really that bad?
NUMBER 1: Six units standing by for delivery.
I'm afraid it is.
[METALLIC CLANKING]
[WOMAN SHRIEKS]
MAN 1: Freeze.
Well, anyway, good luck.
That's it? "Good luck"?
CARL: Yes. We're going to need it.
Both hands in the air.
[HIGH-PITCHED RINGING]
[SCREAMING]
MAN 2: He's in my head!
[ALL GROANING]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
So you're in, right?
Where will I find him?
In the Martian Outback.
Somewhere along the Valles Marineris.
PSI, assh*le.
[CARL GROAN]
Carl?
[GROANING]
MAN 3: You're under arrest.
Carl?
Carl.
- MAN 3: Carl Jenkins in custody.
- MAN 4: We got Jenkins.
[GROANING]
Put him under.
CARL: Damn you, Amy.
[THUD]
[BUZZER SOUNDS]
[GRUNTING]
You know,
even Bugs learn from their mistakes.
Maybe we need an easier sim, sir.
Hot LZ 1 is kind of where it all starts,
lieutenant. Unless you wanna run...
...baby-Bug petting zoo.
[ALL GROANING]
Well, I think we could all use a win. Heh.
[RUMBLING]
What's that?
Bug plasma.
What the hell?
Bugs on Mars?
Is this the next training sim, sir?
[RUMBLING]
Negative. This is real world, trooper.
Get everyone into battle armor.
Uh, yes, sir.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[GRUNTS]
RICO: How bad is it?
There's a major Bug outbreak on the surface.
- Including Plasma Bugs.
- Yeah.
I kind of figured that.
MAN: It's been classified
as a level-four infestation.
The 2nd Mars Mobile Infantry is deployed
and engaged on the ground.
Level four?
Do you know what that means?
MAN: We're getting visuals now.
[PEOPLE SCREAMING OVER MONITOR]
We just lost our connection
to the Federation, sir.
We're sitting ducks up here.
Initiate evacuation protocols.
Yes, sir.
[BOTH GRUNT]
MAN: Direct plasma hit to flight bay.
I'm taking Lost Patrol down to the planet.
You're going in with those Martian kids?
Are you crazy?
Someone's gotta knock out
those Bug batteries.
We've trained for it, so today's the day.
You're a brass-balled trooper
through and through, Rico.
And g*dd*mn it, I'm going with you.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Hey, Ratzass, come on.
Let's move.
AUTOMATED VOICE: Emergency systems activated.
What's your status, lieutenant?
Uh... Power suits on, sir.
Get everyone on the boat now.
This station is gonna blow.
What? I'm sorry, sir, could you repeat that?
AUTOMATED VOICE: Code red.
Evacuation protocol initiated.
RICO: Get everyone on the boat now.
We got Bugs to k*ll.
Oh, my God. We're all gonna die.
RICO: You do not have permission to die!
[MUSIC PLAYING]
RICO: Someone wanted me here.
And whoever it was already knew
there were Bugs on Mars.
Colonel Rico.
Lost Patrol.
Today's the day to prove yourselves.
We descend to the Mars surface immediately.
Mars is your home, troopers,
and today, she needs your help.
Wipe out every Bug that you see,
and take back your planet.
ALL: Yes, sir.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
RICO: Training's over, troopers.
Sergeant Major Ratzass
is coming along for the ride.
- 101: We're dropping with a legend.
- CAMACHO: Yeah. Let's swing.
Come on, you apes. You wanna live forever?
- ALL: Hooah!
- To the dropship now.
On the bounce, troopers.
RATZASS: Set your suits
to zero pressure, troopers.
RICO: Radio test. Do you all read me?
- Baba, okay.
- One-Oh-One, okay.
- Camacho, okay.
- Dutch, okay.
Geo, okay.
BABA: Colonel Rico, this looks bad.
RICO: Move it, move it. Let's go.
Move it or lose it.
- RICO: Let's get out of here.
- EAGLE 1: Yes, sir.
[ALARM BLARING]
The hangar door won't open, colonel.
We're a no-go.
We're a no-go only if I say so.
Everyone onboard?
Uh... Yes, sir.
EAGLE 1: Colonel, no good. We're stuck.
Maybe this isn't gonna work, colonel.
RICO: Bullshit.
Link my suit to your weapons system.
EAGLE 1: Roger that.
Ready...
...fire.
Here we go!
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Oh, my God!
[SCREAMING]
Remember your training, troopers,
and you will not die.
[GRUNTING]
EAGLE 1: We're going down brown, sir.
Are your people ready to jump?
DUTCH: We're gonna jump?
RICO: This is it, troopers.
We're going HALO out the rear hatch.
The choice is yours.
Sit here and die...
...or make the jump and die. Ha-ha.
[ALL WHIMPERING]
[GRUNTS]
Relax. It's a good day to die. Ha-ha-ha.
[ALARM WAILING]
[SCREAMING]
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
[BABA SCREAMING]
RICO: Good news is we are all-systems-go.
Everything is working
the way it's supposed to.
[BABA SCREAMING]
The bad news is M.I.'s got
a 12-percent casualty drop rate...
...that's pretty hard to cr*ck.
[ALL WHIMPERING]
Five hundred meters to surface.
Retros in three, two, one.
[ALL SCREAM AND GASP]
GEO: Oh, man, you do that once,
and you wanna do it again.
DUTCH: Just like sex.
- CAMACHO: Even better. Ha-ha-ha.
- 101: Oh, yeah!
Not better than sex, though.
RICO: Welcome to the Mobile Infantry.
Now, cut the chatter and get ready
to sh*t yourselves all over again.
BABA: What are you talking about, sir?
RICO: Look down, lieutenant.
GEO: The surface is crawling with Bugs.
What do we do, sir?
RICO: Fire at will.
BABA: Oh. Uh, k*ll them all, apes.
Clear a spot to land.
[SCREECHING]
[YELLING]
RICO: Form up. Hold what you got.
Lieutenant, get over here.
BABA: I can't, sir. Too many of them.
Fine. Just hold your position.
Lieutenant Baba, do not use the nuke.
MAN: Where are you, colonel?
I can't see your beacon.
Four o'clock. Eight hundred meters.
[MAN SCREAMING]
Aw, sh*t.
[YELLS]
- Reload.
- DUTCH: Me too.
No, me first.
[BUG SCREECHING AND BABA SCREAMING]
RICO: Are you all right?
Yeah.
I think so, sir.
Ratzass. Ratzass, what's your 20?
Lieutenant, go check on the sergeant major.
BABA: Yes, sir.
BABA: What's wrong with him?
BABA: Sergeant major?
- CAMACHO: Oh, God.
- DUTCH: Damn it.
Looks like Ratzass popped a seal
and froze to death.
Present arms.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[ALL GASP]
Lost Patrol, we've got work to do.
DUTCH: More Bugs.
On the bounce!
Again.
Hold your positions.
[BABA LAUGHS]
RICO: Follow me.
Plasma Bugs.
If we don't k*ll them all tonight,
they'll take Mars by morning.
You can get a speeding ticket from
a satellite, but the Federation misses this?
RICO: Yeah, someone with experience
screwed this pooch.
Ready nukes.
Lieutenant,
you receiving my fire coordinates?
Yes, sir.
Camacho, come on.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
RICO: Prepare to fire.
Sound-off ready.
RICO: Eyes on target.
- CAMACHO: I'm hot.
- 101: Me too.
RICO: In three, two, one.
This one's for Ratzass.
Fire! Teach them not to mess with Mars.
Fall back, troopers.
On the bounce!
Watch your rocket fuel.
[GRUNTING]
RICO: Stop dragging ass, lieutenant.
[LAUGHS]
Well, I guess we showed them, huh?
Yeah. And now all their friends
are gonna come looking for us.
When's the rescue boat coming, sir?
Sometime between now and never.
Let's move.
Wha... I mean, the Fleet, sir.
They gotta be sending the Fleet, right?
- Let's keep moving.
- Huh?
MAN 1: Alpha Squad, 50-percent casualty rate.
Delta Squad in full retreat.
This operation's like slow-motion su1c1de.
Captain, FedNet has reported
an infestation on Mars.
- They've taken the whole planet.
- What?
[ALARM BLARES]
MAN 2: Captain, we have
two Federation starships...
...on tactical approach.
- Report.
- NUMBER 1: Unable to confirm ID.
MAN 3: John A. Warden,
this is the Special Branch.
The Special Branch?
What are they doing here?
Captain Carmen Ibanez,
you are hereby relieved of duty...
...for this operation.
Relinquish command and surrender your vessel.
CARMEN: What's this about?
Under whose orders?
We don't answer questions at Special Branch.
Failure to comply is treason
against the Federation.
Stand down, or we will destroy you.
NUMBER 1: Our vessels are the same, ma'am.
Then we're in luck.
Stay right where you are.
Carl, I don't know why, but I believe you.
MAN 4: Whoa!
MAN 5: John A. Warden is breaking away, sir.
MAN 3: She's out of her mind.
Fire at will!
[MUSIC PLAYING]
- MAN 6: Captain.
- Don't worry. That beam will never hit us.
We're in their blind spot. Crap design.
Captain, I'm afraid
we're losing speed and falling.
CARMEN: Yes, I know.
Prepare to fire
the main thrusters on my signal.
We're going to swing by
and slingshot straight to Mars.
MAN [ON TV]: Flashes of light from
Mars tell the tale of a heroic last stand...
...between a light platoon
of Mobile Infantry and a Bug army...
...of 100,000 Arachnid warriors, and then...
...Mars goes dark.
Federal scientists now believe
an undetected Bug meteor...
...may have impacted
the Martian Outback three years ago.
Officials refuse to speculate
about how many, if any...
...of Mars' human inhabitants
may have survived...
...the Arachnid sneak att*ck.
But who should we blame for this tragedy?
Federal psychologists say
it's most likely Martians.
They also warn us
that those oh-so-Martian yearnings...
...for personal rights and freedom are,
in reality, primitive...
...childlike behaviors
that destabilize society...
...and weaken the human will to survive.
Would you like to know more?
[UPBEAT MUSlC PLAYING ON TV]
It's not just about our safety.
It's about duty.
It's about the future.
You're right.
Because the future is everyone's duty.
Heh. That is sharp.
Very sharp.
- Daniel?
- DANIEL: Yes, Amy?
Do we have today's numbers?
Your approval rating is at 82.5 percent.
Ha-ha. I almost don't believe it.
- Almost.
- It is historic.
No other sky marshal
has ever been more popular.
Still, there's always room for improvement.
The more people hate Martians,
the more they like you.
Speaking of which,
are we moving forward with the plan?
You tell me.
Is the Q-b*mb ready?
Yes, but I'm not sure if the public is ready.
Oh, they're ready.
They just don't know it yet.
Shall I prepare a statement?
Please.
Something inspirational this time. Ah.
Maybe hit some family notes.
AMY [ON TV]: You're right.
Because the future is everyone's duty.
The only thing missing...
...is a villain.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
The traitor of Mars is still sleeping it off.
He's dreaming about high school.
High school?
Really?
Can you imagine what Carl Jenkins
was like in high school?
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
Wake him up.
[GRUNTS]
[COUGHS]
What is this thing you have for Bugs, Carl?
Well, to b*at your enemy,
you have to know your enemy.
And I learn something new every day.
And what did you learn today?
Someone wanted Mars to get infested.
And that someone's not you?
You were in the perfect position
to mastermind it.
Amy, please.
What are you going to do to Mars?
I'm going to save them from themselves.
A Q-b*mb?
Really?
Is that your solution?
Come on, Amy.
Is this about the Federation
or your approval ratings?
I've heard enough.
MAN: Sweet dreams, Carl.
[CARL SIGHS]
You don't need to worry
about my ratings, Carl.
All it takes is a little fireworks
and my ratings will soar.
Sit back and enjoy the show, general.
[SCREECHING IN DISTANCE]
CAMACHO: Think those Bugs
are here for us too, colonel?
RICO: Yeah. They're watching us.
DUTCH: They're afraid we'll nuke them
if they get too close.
RICO:
Just don't tell them we're out of nukes.
about us anytime soon.
GEO: Bet they're just tired of us
nuking them right up their Bug hole.
[BABA SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
Forty-five degree... Okay.
Come back. Come back.
[BABA GRUNTS]
RICO: Can anyone tell me
what the f*ck Lieutenant Baba's doing?
old-time radio rig, send out an SOS.
He better not SOS
the whole damn hive, get us all k*lled.
MAN: This is Martian National Guard.
Please identify.
RICO: Well, I'll be a Martian's uncle.
This is Martian National Guard.
Please identify.
BABA: George?
I repeat, this is Martian National Guard.
- Please identify.
- BABA: I may have got us a ride, sir.
I may have underestimated you,
Lieutenant Baba.
Ha-ha. Is that you, coz?
Well, hallelujah!
What the heck you doing out here
in the middle of nowhere?
Uh, we've been nuking Bugs, George. You?
I was out here rescuing our men.
But it appears
there ain't no one left to rescue.
You mean, everyone's dead?
Well, no one's picking up, you hear?
Maybe some of them's down in the mines.
We got damn overrun.
I never seen so many Bugs in my life.
Well, they're still afraid of us.
[RUMBLING]
Run.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Ungh. I can't land.
Go. Run for the boat.
Use your retros and jump onboard.
[BUGS SCREECHING]
Camacho, go!
[GRUNTING]
Come on.
BABA: Rico!
No!
GEORGE: Ungh. Damn it.
CAMACHO: Colonel.
MAN 1 [ON TV]: Mars: To be, or not to be?
That's the big question,
and everybody has an opinion.
Mars is a Bug planet, no question.
One Q-b*mb will fix that. Problem solved.
Low-gravity birth makes babies stupid,
but instead, we call them "Martians."
That's a fascinating perspective. Thank you.
Any planet that symbolizes anger,
w*r and rampant male sexuality...
...deserves to be blown up.
A lot of ideas in there.
You've really done your homework.
Mars is a small, mediocre planet
that's only popular because it's red.
Heh. That's certainly one way
of looking at it.
Let's find out what Federation's
smartest woman thinks...
...as we take you live to Space Command.
[UPBEAT THEME MUSlC PLAYING]
MAN 2: Ladies and gentlemen
of the United Citizens Federation...
...Sky Marshal Amy Snapp.
[APPLAUSE ON RECORDING]
Fellow citizens, we have ourselves a problem.
The Arachnid outbreak on Mars
is quickly spinning out of control.
We've lost contact with her major cities,
and her defenses are down.
You may have heard
that the Federation Fleet...
...cannot come to the rescue this time...
...because they're busy pummeling
the Bugs in their own backyard.
But rest assured, fellow citizens,
we have an ace in the hole.
Ladies and gentlemen...
...the Q-b*mb.
Planted on Mars for this very purpose.
No, not everyone is going to like the idea...
...of losing a colony
at the press of a button.
But if you've ever been to the front lines...
...then you know that to win this w*r...
...you need to play the long game.
Take a look around...
...at your friends, at your loved ones...
...and ask yourself one question:
If we give them Mars,
then what will they want next?
I've assembled a task force
to determine what assets, if any...
...can be recovered from Mars.
But we must act quickly, before...
[HIGH-PITCHED RINGING]
Before sensitive targets are compromised
by Arachnid incursion.
We can't afford to wait, because...
[GASPING]
We're not about to let Bugs pry
into our little secrets. Ungh.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[TONE HUMMING]
I'm gonna k*ll that son of a bitch.
Johnny.
Johnny.
Johnny Rico.
Wake up, Johnny.
You can't sleep all day.
- Come on, Johnny.
- Mmm.
Okay, fine.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[MOANS]
Seriously?
Oh, Johnny.
Feeling better?
Am I...
...dead?
[RICO MOANING]
What the...
Are you...
...Diz?
[LAUGHS]
I knew that would work.
You d*ed at Whiskey Outpost.
Wait. Am I dead too?
No, silly.
But the way you sleep, you might as well be.
Where am I?
Oh, sh*t.
[GRUNTS]
Mars.
I'm on Mars.
Yup. Mars needs you.
And I need you to get rolling.
Right.
The Bugs.
Exactly.
The Bugs.
- You are such a little genius.
- What...
What about my guys, The Lost Patrol?
Water.
I need water.
[PANTING]
Well, that shouldn't be too hard.
I need water.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[PANTING]
I keep drinking, but I'm still thirsty.
Drink some more.
[PANTING]
RICO: Are you a ghost?
No.
So I'm not dead.
Can the dead walk?
No.
DIZZY: Then keep walking.
[PANTING]
Get up, Rico.
I...
What's your malfunction?
Oh. Okay.
[GRUNTS]
- Are you dying on me?
- What?
I said, are you dying on me, trooper?
No.
No, what?
No, sir.
Then move your candy ass.
Yes, sir.
[ALARM BEEPING]
Whoa.
BOTH: Whoa!
[BABA CHUCKLES]
CAMACHO: I don't get it, sir.
Where's the Fleet?
Don't ask me. MarsNet's down.
Everything's down.
GEORGE: Oh, dang it!
What kind of pilot blasts off on empty?
- I wasn't thinking, coz. I was scared.
- Oh...
CAMACHO: What if the Fleet isn't coming, sir?
Of course the Fleet's coming. They have to.
What, they're gonna just ditch us?
And all of Mars too?
We about to ditch Mars our damn selves.
You think Terran citizens are gonna care
about a few stranded Martians?
They'd better at least pretend to care.
We haven't left the Federation just yet.
What are you doing, Baba?
I'm trying to get
some of our ass-kicking fight up...
...on FedBook, but I can't get connected.
Bug plasma probably fried
the comm satellites.
So are you sure I'm not dead?
Will you stop asking me that already?
Well, it just...
...made sense that I might be dead.
Made sense?
Not everything makes sense, Johnny boy.
You're alive and well.
And the Federation's going to cr*ck
their own colony with a Q-b*mb.
Q-b*mb?
You want me to take care of it?
No. I need you to take care of it.
[SIGHS]
Aw, do it for me, Johnny.
Please.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
For you.
Good.
- I just don't know where the hell it is.
- Oh, that's the easy part.
It's under an old terraforming tower.
We're already halfway there.
- Yes, sir.
- Heh-heh.
DIZZY: Do you remember high school?
RICO: I remember football.
And enlistment.
That's about it.
Oh, and that assh*le, Zander.
Heh. Zander.
What a prick.
What about your friends, Johnny?
Friends?
I don't know. I had a few.
Not really sure where they all went.
Well, what about Carl?
Weren't you guys best friends or something?
Yeah, I guess so.
But that was a long time ago.
Carl changed.
He's a general now,
and it's almost like he's too big...
...to be friends with.
I mean, it's not his fault.
He's busy saving the whole Federation.
Yeah.
But I guess he could try a little harder.
Let's not get our hopes up.
[SIGHS]
- Come on, Johnny.
- CARL: Come on, Johnny.
- We are friends, aren't we?
- We are friends, aren't we?
- Johnny!
- What?
[SCREECHING]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Come on.
[GRUNTING]
[SHRIEKS]
[SHRIEKING]
[GRUNTING]
[SIGHS]
[PANTING]
[CARL GROANING]
Try any stupid mind tricks
and we will k*ll you.
- Do you get me?
- Yes, I get you coming and going.
What the hell was that, Carl?
Classic speech, Amy.
Really sorted things out for the masses.
"If you love your family,
then you should let me blow up Mars..."
- Shut up.
- Ungh!
The people need an explanation, Carl.
And they prefer one
that tastes good and goes down easy.
This isn't a popularity contest.
Leading the Federation
is about responsibility.
No. It's all about ratings, Carl.
And you screwed with mine.
I guess I know my enemy.
General Carl Jenkins,
you are hereby charged with sedition...
...and conspiracy against
the United Citizen Federation.
At 1600 hours, the Federal Council
will convene to hear your case...
...and when you are found guilty,
witness your execution.
Is there anything
you wish to say at this time?
CARL: Yes.
I beg you, Amy.
Don't blow up Mars.
Take it back from the Bugs
and return it to the Martian people.
Show them, show everyone
just how big the Federation really is.
Too late.
Mars is f*cked.
In a few hours, you'll be dead, Carl.
Then I can get back to work...
...and blow up Mars as a warning
to any future colony...
...that will not bend to the Federal will.
It's an epic, elegant revenge.
It's so you, Amy.
Except you went and made me the fall guy.
[CARL GRUNTS AND AMY GASPS]
AMY: Ah!
You broke my nose.
You f*ck.
[CARL GRUNTING]
Now it's your turn, Johnny.
Johnny.
God, no.
Diz, I kicked ass.
Yeah, trooper.
You kicked ass.
[SUIT BEEPING]
Battery's dead.
Can't move.
Let's get you out of that.
Good idea.
[CLANKING NOISES]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
It's good to see you again, Johnny.
It's been too long, that's for sure.
DIZZY: The last thing I remember
is that night in Tango Urilla.
You were everything I ever wished for.
You were everything and a bit more.
- Where'd you learn to do that, anyway?
- Johnny.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
It's true.
I wish it could've lasted a lifetime.
Oh, Johnny.
You're making me cry.
You know I f*cking hate this sh*t.
You started it, Diz.
You got the whole ball rolling, really.
I just never picked it up.
Oh, stop it.
You were just fine, Johnny.
Really.
There.
That old terraforming tower?
Yeah.
It's there.
Just raring to blow.
Who wants to blow up Mars, Diz, and why?
Unfortunately, that's a long, sad story.
Which happens to be classified.
Classified?
Diz?
DIZZY: You'll find a way, Johnny.
You always do.
Oh, my God.
Oh, crap, what now?
Colonel Rico's still alive.
Well, how's that's bad?
Well, it's not bad, it's good.
But it means we left a man behind.
Mobile Infantry doesn't leave people behind.
That's right.
Now it's our turn to do some rescuing.
You mean, go back to Mars?
- We gotta get Colonel Rico back.
- f*ck, yeah!
Now, look here, amigos...
...what you're talking about is
a one-way rocket right back to Bug city.
We're the Mobile Infantry.
It's time to get mobile.
Yeah. Don't ask why. Ask why not.
Well, okay.
But how am I supposed to land without retros?
You're the pilot. Look for someplace soft.
Too bad your head's not bigger.
[ALL LAUGHING]
[GRUNTING]
[SCREECHING]
RICO: Damn Bugs. You k*ll one,
and there's 10 more to take its place.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[g*n CLICKING]
Damn it.
[BUG SCREECHING]
You picked a good day to die.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[PANTING]
It is a good day to die.
Okay.
- BABA [ON COMM]: Head down, colonel.
- What?
Incoming.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Colonel, are you okay?
- Lieutenant Baba?
- TROOPERS: Hooah!
Yes, sir, colonel.
We knew you'd make it. Heh-heh.
[ALL GRUNT]
This is not good.
Oh, my God.
No.
Everybody, jump.
This landing ain't gonna be pretty.
Hey, what about you?
I am a mighty Martian warrior...
...as good as y'all
and probably a whole lot better.
[GEORGE GRUNTING]
k*ll them all!
See you, coz.
CAMACHO: I thought he was funny,
and at least he went out with a bang.
BABA: Yeah.
CAMACHO: Colonel.
[CAMACHO CHUCKLING]
CAMACHO: It's so great to see you, sir.
RICO:
Yeah. We're kind of running out of time.
What's the situation, lieutenant?
Well, sir, we thought it was pretty bad. Heh.
No sign of the Fleet,
and you left behind on Mars...
...and no connection to FedNet, even.
The Federation's blown us off, sir.
- GEO: Why are they doing this?
- 101: They've left us behind, sir.
CAMACHO: Is it because we're Martians?
There are no Martians in my Mobile Infantry.
Only troopers who follow orders.
Awaiting your orders, sir.
Good.
Our next mission begins immediately.
We need to get
to that old terraforming tower.
[UPBEAT THEME MUSlC PLAYING]
[ALARM BLEEPING]
Fellow citizens...
...today is a sad day, indeed.
Mars has gone silent...
...her surface overwhelmed by Arachnids...
...with no sign of survivors...
...m*llitary or civilian.
We now stand at a critical juncture.
After weighing our options, I now believe...
...there is only one thing left to do.
We must dare to destroy Mars.
Our w*r against the Bugs
cannot be won by committee...
...or by debate, or by due process.
It can only be won...
...by citizens who have the guts
to do what's right.
To make the hard decisions
that will ensure our safety...
...and indeed, the survival of our species.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Oh, Mars.
We forgive you for your fleeting captivation
with independence.
We will remember you
for your frontier spirit...
...and your sheer will to survive.
And most of all, your refusal
to let Bugs set foot on your soil.
Long live Mars, the god of w*r.
You have earned my deepest respect.
And by my authority as sky marshal...
...I hereby grant you eternal rest...
...along with all those Bugs.
[APPLAUSE ON RECORDING]
[COUNTDOWN BEEPING]
[ALARM BEEPING]
Huh?
Sorry to interrupt, sky marshal,
but someone has sabotaged MarsNet.
The citizens need to know
that we're still in the fight for Mars.
What? No.
NUMBER 1: Captain.
I'm connected live to Fort Kilo.
The Mobile Infantry is alive and well.
But...
That's impossible.
See for yourself, sky marshal.
RICO: Uh, are we live?
- BABA: We're on.
- Rico here.
While engaging the enemy,
we discovered a live Q-b*mb.
The thing was set to blow by mistake,
so we shut the thing down pronto.
Yeah!
Just in time, too,
thanks to some Martian troopers.
Hope that wasn't a problem.
We're gonna keep fighting,
and we're gonna k*ll a lot of damn Bugs.
Lost Patrol.
ALL: Hooah! We got this.
Mars ain't done for yet.
We're gonna cook up some real Bug-BQ.
[ALL LAUGHING]
No. No.
So don't you worry, sky marshal.
We're still here,
and we're gonna keep fighting.
And we're gonna win.
TROOPERS: Hooah!
CAMACHO: Uh-oh. Colonel, look at that.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
RICO: Well, here we go again.
sh*t.
Fire!
[WHIMPERS]
It looks like all the Bugs
are coming to this picnic.
If only there were a way
to crash their little party.
BABA: Sir, the Bugs are
gonna tear this place apart.
RICO: Geo.
What happens if you turn that thing on?
GEO: You mean, like, make some weather?
I mean, rip the sky apart. Can you do that?
The core's power's still live.
I think we can manage.
Do it. I want full power.
- We're going for balls-out overload.
- Give me 10 minutes.
- Hey, Camacho, you wanna help?
- You bet.
[BUGS SCREECHING]
RICO: Lost Patrol, Geo needs 10 minutes.
Make sure he gets it.
DUTCH: What happens after 10 minutes?
They gonna make it rain?
BABA: No, that ain't how it works.
They're gonna overload the reactor
and blow up the atmosphere.
DUTCH: Well, what about us?
Oh, sh*t.
Uh...
- Flip everything to full power.
- You got it.
Seems easy enough.
[BUZZING]
[POWERING UP]
RICO: Geo's doing some good work.
BABA: Yeah, heh, if you like watching
the whole world come apart.
RICO: You wanna live forever, lieutenant?
No, but a little longer would be okay.
[THUNDER RUMBLING]
BABA: We're born and raised on Mars.
Never seen storms like this. Ah!
Yeah!
[LAUGHING]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Too bad the good citizens
of the Federation can't see this.
Yeah, they ought to know
that someone's still holding the line.
The whole Federation's been
watching you guys, this whole time.
RICO: Carmen.
Woo-hoo! She's right.
My camera's linked to FedNet.
[ON TV] Woo-hoo! She's right.
My camera's linked to FedNet.
MAN: The Federation may have decided
that Mars is a lost cause...
...but not these troopers,
with their leader Johnny Rico.
That's me!
Ha-ha! That's me.
DUTCH: What?
- You sh1tting me?
- Yeah, look.
- RICO: Eyes up.
- BABA: Huh?
DUTCH:
I can't hold them much longer, colonel.
Not yet, we don't. Geo makes the call.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Excuse me while I rip the sky.
That's the last one.
We're in business.
That does it. This tower is
now one big weather b*mb.
RICO: Good work, troopers.
Everyone in the Lost Patrol is a hero today.
I'm gonna savor this moment
the rest of my life.
All five minutes of it.
- One-Oh-One, k*ll the bridge.
- Roger.
[BUGS SHRIEKING]
RICO: Lost Patrol, let the Bugs have this.
Geo, we're coming up.
Then we're getting the hell out of here.
BABA: Getting out? Heh.
Which way is out?
RICO: Follow me.
Geo, how many minutes we got?
GEO: Uh, eight, maybe?
BABA: Ha! "Maybe"?
You've gotta be kidding me.
[SCREECHING]
[DUTCH GRUNTING]
BABA: Dutch!
Why do I always get...
Ungh! ...Ripped in half?
BABA: Dutch!
- 101: f*ck.
- BABA: Oh, Dutch.
What the hell?
[BUGS SCREECHING]
[GASPS]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
BABA: Yeah, colonel, we're so screwed.
RICO: Fall back to the tower.
- 101: And then what?
- BABA: k*ll them all. What else?
RICO: That's right. We're Mobile Infantry.
We don't give up.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[BUGS SCREECHING]
Uh, colonel, we got Bugs in the house.
No matter where you go,
there's always freaking Bugs, man.
Reload!
RICO: Look out.
[BUG SCREECHING AND 101 GRUNTING]
CAMACHO: Come on!
This way.
GEO: This place is going to blow.
RICO: Let's go, troopers.
We're not dead yet.
[BUGS SCREECHING]
Go, go, go!
[SCREECHING]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
RICO: Higher than the Bugs.
Oh, man. They're everywhere, man.
Oh, sh*t.
CAMACHO: Oh, my God. There's so many Bugs.
Are we gonna make it out of here?
Who knows?
I'm not ready to give up yet. Are you?
- GEO: What are you, some kind of hero?
- Yeah.
Because a hero always makes it back home.
I like that, lieutenant.
If we live through this,
I might get it tattooed on my ass.
Maybe I'll let you fight
in my Mobile Infantry after all.
CAMACHO: Awesome.
CARMEN: Sounds like you guys
are having some fun down there.
- RICO: Is that you, Carmen?
- Yeah.
- Where are you?
- I'm heading in now.
But you're making things difficult
with this weather system.
CARMEN: No one can fly in this mess.
RICO: Except for you, Carmen.
You can fly through anything.
RICO: Shake them off.
Move out.
Carmen, over here.
CARMEN: Yeah, only there is one thing.
What? What's the problem?
Nowhere to touch down.
With these winds, I'm barely staying afloat.
[CARMEN GRUNTING]
RICO: You all right?
Barely.
- Uh, colonel?
- What?
I'm thinking we got two minutes.
Maybe less.
- CAMACHO: Colonel.
- Now what?
CAMACHO: Over there.
On the other side of the tower.
They're piling up the wall.
Roger that, Camacho.
You hear that, Carmen? No time.
Open the hatch and hover.
What's the plan?
Just open the hatch.
Just a simple question. Ungh.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Come on, you apes.
- Jump for it.
- ALL: Hooah!
GEO: Uh...
I can't, sir.
What do you mean, you can't?
You wanna die here?
- One, you go.
- Ladies first.
Somebody jump.
[GRUNTS, THEN YELLS]
That idiot.
Come on.
GEO: Thanks.
Here goes.
- I got you.
- Ha-ha.
On the bounce, lieutenant.
Move it or lose it.
[SUIT POWERS DOWN]
I'm all out of jump juice, colonel.
You go on without me.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Not gonna happen, lieutenant.
You're going home, and that's an order.
[BOTH GRUNTING]
You got it.
[BOTH GRUNTING]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
- RICO: Good job, trooper.
- I got you.
[ALL GRUNTING]
Let's get off this rock.
Hold on tight, troopers. Ungh.
Any moment now.
[SCREECHING]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Oh, hey, guys.
Carl? What are you doing here?
It's great to see you too.
Doesn't that chair belong to the sky marshal?
She's taking a couple of personal days.
I'm just keeping things moving
until she gets back.
I'd never dream of being sky marshal.
So Amy Snapp's just gonna get away with it?
That's politics, Johnny boy.
Did you know
there were Bugs on Mars too, Carl?
- Heh.
- And you just let it happen?
Carmen.
How could you even think such a thing?
[GROANS]
Very funny.
But this is the w*r
we can never stop fighting.
The Bugs will never quit.
And if we do, we're dead.
For a few thousand years...
...we humans enjoyed the relative peace
of fighting amongst ourselves.
And then we reached for the stars.
I mean...
...what did we think would happen?
Well, thinking's your job, Carl.
I'm the guy who follows orders.
I like that.
Now, go take back Mars from the Bugs...
...will you, General Rico?
Yes, sir.
[SCOFFS]
What?
It's always good to see you, Carl.
[DOOR CLOSES]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
There was a massive fire around us.
It looked like it was gonna get bad.
- Officer on deck.
- At ease.
You troopers got something special.
Something everyone wants.
You lived to tell the tale.
[ALL CHUCKLING]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Congratulation, troopers.
You are born again hard...
...and I am proud to serve with you
in the Mobile Infantry.
ALL: Yeah!
- All right.
- 101: Ha-ha!
We're gonna go have a beer, sir.
Toast Mars, you know? Wanna come?
Thanks. I gotta hit the sack.
- That's why they call him the "old man."
- ALL: Ha-ha-ha.
Lieutenant, can I have a word with you?
Uh, yes, sir.
I wonder what you'd do if you found out
that Sky Marshal Snapp...
...let the Bugs start a colony on Mars
so she'd have an excuse to blow it up.
Is that what you're telling me, sir?
I'm saying, everyone's got a right
to fight for what's theirs...
...maybe most especially Martians.
From one Martian to another,
good work, lieutenant.
Tomorrow, we k*ll them all again.
- See you on the bounce.
- Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.
Uh... Bounce good, sir.
Roger that, lieutenant.
[DOOR CLOSES]
[BABA READING ON-SCREEN TEXT]
[UPBEAT THEME MUSlC PLAYING]
MAN [ON TV]: Anti-Federal activist MarzCo...
...is asking a musical question
that's on everyone's lips.
Federal opinion polls show
Sky Marshal Snapp's approval ratings...
...are in question.
No one doubts her genius, but can she lead?
Would you like to...
We'll leave it to MarzCo.
[MAN RAPPING ON-SCREEN TEXT]
# What the f*ck did Snapp know?
And when did she know it? ##
BABA: Officer on deck.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
RICO: Today, you're going to locate
a medium-sized Bug colony...
...and k*ll them all!
ALL: Yeah!
Come on, you apes. You wanna live forever?
ALL: Hooah!
[MUSIC PLAYING]
# What did Snapp know? #
# And when did she know it? #
# What did Snapp know? #
# What did Snapp know? #
# What did Snapp know? #
# And when did she know it? #
# What did Snapp know? ##
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Starship Troopers: Traitor of Mars (2017)
Moderator: Maskath3